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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25484470">Just One Regret</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkHighness/pseuds/DarkHighness'>DarkHighness</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Just One Regret [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Panic! at the Disco</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Parents, Band Fic, Grief/Mourning, Loss of Parent(s), Love, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Multi, Music, Orphans, Parent Death, Parenthood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:15:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>333,143</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25484470</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkHighness/pseuds/DarkHighness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He was at the climax of his journey and swimming with triumph with his wife right by his side. “We did it.” He asserted, not knowing of the imminent downfall to come. For he had been blinded, so blinded in fact that he couldn’t predict just how far he was going to fall.<br/>Her life had been grey with all colour sucked out and destroyed leaving her a mess of monotone. And to bring this story to an abrupt end, she had grown used to it. She didn’t know any different and the line between right and wrong appeared significantly more faded.<br/>As her world was splashed with colour and her eyes opened to the possibilities surrounding her, his began to fade, returning to the black and white he thought he had escaped long ago. Up against challenges only the strongest of relationships can withstand, previously unexpected confrontations that may force a bond that seemed ever so unlikely.</p><p>(This a repost from Wattpad. It was written over 4 years ago, so some information may not be accurate. Along those lines, this is a direct port and has not been edited. Both myself and and the cowriter, SercretJungle666, understand that some content of this work may be triggering, or hard to read.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sarah Orzechowski/Brendon Urie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Just One Regret [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1846072</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>***** Brendon’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of Fall Out Boy’s new album. I was waiting out the front of my friend’s place, waiting for him to come out. We’d been friends since elementary school, and we still kept in touch. I often went out with him and his wife, we loved to party, but today was the first time I was meeting their daughter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Damien emerged from his front door after a bit of a hassle, with his wife, Lydia holding his hand. A couple of metres in front of them skipped a little girl, with her hair pulled back in pigtails. She was wearing a pink princess dress, with one of those plastic crowns in it. She was also wearing colourful stockings and ballet flats. She looked adorable, I was going to admit it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Damien opened the door and gave me a smile. “Brendon! Man! Great to see you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Good to see you too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lydia climbed in the back with their little girl. She gave me a big toothy grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi! I’m Kaitlyn!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lydia laughed. “This is your Uncle Beebo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beebo?” Kaitlyn echoed, a little confused in the cute, little kid way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I laughed. “Sure. I’m your Uncle Beebo. Happy birthday!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Do you know how old I am?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pretended not to know. “How old are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Five! One two three four five!” She smiled, holding out her hand with 5 fingers up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I laughed. “5! Wow! You’re so big! Where do you want to go for your birthday?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She considered for a moment. “The roller coasters!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Rollercoasters it is! Let’s go!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I put the car into drive and began heading down the road, towards the theme park. Damien and I caught up, talking about important milestones in our lives. I told him all about A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out, which was set to be released in 5 months. I was so excited for the release. Damien was settling down, he had been cutting back his hours at work to spend time with Kaitlyn, and yet he still received a promotion. It was nice to reminisce like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We pulled into the right side of the centre lane in the busy highway. We had left around rush hour placing within the significant peak in traffic for the day. I took the car into the exact speed limit and cruised along the highway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A black corolla began to overtake us, only pushing ahead due to its immense speed incline. I kept my eye on the car, worried of what this car was doing. It was driving strangely, and I was wondering if the driver was under the influence of something. Maybe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Some people need to learn to drive.” Damien sighed, obviously watching the car as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Driving tests are a bit slack nowadays.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I diverted my attention back on the road and was fully concentrated until I heard Damien scream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“KAITLYN!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I turned my attention to the side, where the black corolla I had stopped paying attention to was coming straight at us. I screamed, Damien screamed, Lydia screamed and Kaitlyn stared at us confused but terrified. I tried to swerve the car out of the way, but it was too late. The impact hit us hard, and the car did a flip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next thing I remember was waking up in the back of an ambulance. The highway was covered in smoke, and two wrecked cars lay on the scene. Emergency services were everywhere, and I gasped for air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s it, big deep breaths, that’s it. Mr Urie, you were in a car accident.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Car accident.” The paramedic repeated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damien, Lydia, Kaitlyn, are they okay?!” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two paramedics exchanged a glance. “You and the girl sitting on the right side of the car survived, both with minor injuries. The two adults in the vehicle were unlucky enough to be exactly in the point of impact. Both died on the scene. They think they died on impact.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what?” I stammered</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s in shock.” One of the paramedics said. “We should take him in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, the girl, what will happen to her?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both shrugged. “Probably foster care if they can’t find a relative willing to take her in. But don’t worry about that now. We’re going to take you in, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded uncertainly, and laid back down on the stretcher, too many thoughts running through my mind to be able to focus on a single one. I just took in a deep breath, and cried.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 1- Turn that wretched thing off Gretchen!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Getting news can sometimes be stressful. Sometimes, it can even turn your live upside down.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Turn it off!” I groaned, burying my face under my pillow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“NO!” Gretchen laughed. “Kaitlyn, this is REAL music!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned again, being filled with more hate for Mrs Hungin for buying Gretchen a CD player for Christmas by the second. Why did she have to have the loudest damn stereo in the store? All I got was a new pair of crummy shoes, and a gift voucher for the pet store. I was wishing that I had invested that money into some kind of noise cancelling earmuffs instead of my useless pet fish. All it did was swim in circles and do nothing. And I had to lie here and listen to this stupid crappy music.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How can you not love this?!” She laughed, dancing in circles around our small bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was 90% sure that Gretchen thrived on my annoyance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is study time!” I complained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, this is ‘MUSIC and study time’ . Music being the key word”. she smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we put on something else then? Just the radio or something?” I practically begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope!” Gretchen said with an evil grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and tossed my maths book aside. There was no way I was getting anything done when this stupid music was blaring through this tiny room. I was surprised the twins across the hall hadn’t come over and asked us to turn it down so they could study.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The song changed, and I gave Gretchen a funny look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gone Christian?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This singer dude is blaring out ‘Hallelujah’, that’s a catholic thing I think.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude, listen to the lyrics”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My life started the day I got caught, under the covers with second hand lovers.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “This stuff is crap. Can we just turn it off?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will pretend you didn’t say that.” Gretchen said with a forced smile. “Just enjoy it for what it is. Besides, I’m putting on Vices next.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned. “Not another one of this band’s crappy albums!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gretchen frowned. “Looks like you need a little band education.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed, there was no winning with Gretchen. I was stuck with her as a roommate, and had been since I was 8 and was sent to Mrs Hungin’s Home for Girls. She’s a couple inches taller than me, and has always treated me like her servant. And she was Mrs Hungin’s favourite. Me on the other hand, I was the one who always got pushed aside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was easy to tell by our room. My side was pretty bare, a metal frame bed that was on clearance at time of purchase, plain blue sheets with small holes occupying the seams, a chipped second-hand desk with my schoolbooks on it, and a single photo frame of my parents. Gretchen had a massive desk with a computer (supposedly for us to share, but she never let me use it), many posters, a double bed with lush thick bedsheets and the most annoying stereo complete with CD’s that made my ears bleed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I opened my library book and pulled my bedsheets over my head to try and block out the dreadful noise so I could read. I was finding it harder and harder to obstruct the noise but the worlds on the pages refused to suck me in like they usually would. I put the book down at stared at the dirt that had resided on the ceiling hoping it would block out the sound. Only 3 more years until I was legally old enough to leave this place forever.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Brendon’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah! Sarah!” I panted as I raced into the kitchen, my laptop in my arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, what’s wrong?” Sarah asked, pausing whatever YouTube video she was watching.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remember Damien and Lydia?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah lightly brushed her finger down my face. “You’re not beating yourself up over the crash again are you?” She asked, her eyes dotted with concern.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bit my lips and placed the computer down on the bench. “They found the will, Sarah. Their will. It was handwritten, and in the family safe that nobody opened until yesterday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Read it.” I said, pointing to the section that was emailed to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We leave our daughter in the care of one of our most beloved friends, Brendon Urie.” Sarah read aloud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah I can’t do this! I got a call from some girl’s home, Kaitlyn’s been living there since she was 8. I mean, I just can’t take her in out of nowhere!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah placed a hand on my shoulder. “Bren, it’s fine. I’m sure we will sort something out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, I don’t think I can do this. I mean, I have to take in the girl who’s parents I killed!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed and wrapped me in a hug. “Brendon, sweetie, you know you didn’t kill them. The guy who did is sitting in jail for manslaughter, remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was driving. I wasn’t paying attention, and I couldn’t get them out of the way in time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah hugged me. “It’s going to be okay. We can take her in. Financially, it’s no problem. We have the room as well. It’s going to be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if I can handle seeing their kid. I mean, she was a spitting image of them as a toddler.” I blubbered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be okay. We’ll get it sorted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But what if she knows?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then she will know it wasn’t you. You and her just managed to be sitting on the lucky side of the car when it happened. Now, tell me, what has happened so far?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a deep breath in. “I got a call from their lawyers. They had found the will, and told me she’s been staying in a group home since she was 8. And now, supposedly she’s to come and live with us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you contact the home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, not yet. The lawyers said they were going to tell the home the new arrangement in the next few days.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah tugged my jacket a little tighter. “Come on. Let’s go get some dinner, and we can talk about this a little more. What did you say her name was?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn.” I breathed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn. Pretty name.” Sarah smiled. “How old?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bit my lip. “I’m thinking 14.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool. I can’t wait to meet her!” Sarah bubbled. “Let’s go and get some food.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I zipped up my jacket and followed her to the door, hoping that she’ll help me feel better. Oh who was I kidding, I didn’t need to hope. Sarah always made me feel better.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 2- A Turn Of Events</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>*****Kaitlyn’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat at my desk tapping away to the beat of one of Gretchen’s awful tunes that had made its way into my head. I really should be concentrating but my mind was obstructed by a thought the school had placed into my head. I was told to leave school early to discuss something, a matter I hadn’t been made aware of just yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stared mindlessly at the aged clock that was mounted on the wall, observing the hands whir around the clock at a painfully slow pace. Every other student was busily jotting down notes in their books, ones they’d surely forget about until it came time for them to cram for the upcoming exams. The bell rung, sending all the students off to lunch, leaving me in the classroom with the teacher to talk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss Zambique?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I attempted to get the teacher’s attention which appeared to work as she placed the whiteboard eraser down on the counter and faced me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn? You seemed pretty zoned out by the end? What’s going on in your mind?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hadn’t intended to fall victim to her questions but that was just her way around things. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not much. I was just thinking about stuff. I was wondering if you could give me a quick overview of what I missed so I can revise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and began tapping away at her keyboard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I email you, can you go through the textbook chapter there?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘There’ meant the group home. All the teachers knew, as did all the other kids. All the girls at the home went to this school, and everyone knew who we were. It was probably why nobody talked to me, all the kids seemed to hate even being close to me. Most of the other girls managed to make one or two friends though, Gretchen had like 20. But we weren’t ever allowed to see friends outside of school, due to the fact that we lived in a hell hole. Although it did explain why we never went on camps, and had to attend parent teacher meetings by ourselves. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head, hating having to inconvenience the teacher. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As much as I’d love it to be that easy, I have been using the paper copies. Which book and page number is it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wrote the information on a slip of paper and slid it over to me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any chance I could chill in here with you and steal some Air Con?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I loved this excuse, the one that seemed to conceal the fact I was alone, the one that made it seem I was just needy. Not the best reasoning whatsoever yet when your only friends are teachers, it's oft the only option.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mrs Zambique smiled. “Course. Take a seat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat back down at the desk and opened my workbook, getting started on the questions. It wasn’t hard, and with enough concentration, I managed to block out the worries of the strange request to leave school early. That never, ever, ever happened at the group home. Everybody went to school unless you were sporting a dangerous fever or were too sick to stand. At the end of the break, Mrs Hungin was coming to pick me up early. And to be honest, that terrified me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the bell rang, I tucked my books back into my well-worn backpack and made my way to the office. Mrs Hungin was already there, a cross scowl on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you to come at the end of lunch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is the end of lunch…” I stammered, a little confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh? No, lunch finishes at 1:30”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was at the middle school. Here lunch finishes at 1:50.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well maybe of you had told someone these things, we wouldn’t have these issues.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” I sighed, knowing that I wouldn’t win these sorts of arguments.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes well missy, sorry doesn't always solve your problems. Now stop being argumentative and get in the car out there while I talk to this nice office lady.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded silently and walked out to the car, placing my bag in the back seat gently to prevent further ripping and collapsed into the front seat, waiting patiently for Mrs Hungin to return.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She got into the car, slamming the door angrily behind her. She started the car and began driving down the highway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The car ride was awfully unsettling. Normally this car was full to the brim with me, Gretchen, the twins and Mrs Hungin. The silence was certainly not something I was used to. Plus, we had to drive down Parkinson’s road. For some reason, I always hated driving down here. It didn’t feel right, something was off, sort-of. I had tried to explain it once, but I was just laughed at, told I was being silly, and was told to ‘suck it up, buttercup’. Of course I had, but I just couldn’t shake the unsettling feeling at the pit of my stomach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How was school?” Mrs Hungin asked eventually to break the silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I swallowed uncomfortably, not prepared for this scenario.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah, fine I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s that girl you sit with, what her was name?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lisa.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. How is Lisa?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lisa moved to the Netherlands last year.” I explained. This was awkward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, uh, who do you sit with now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shiverred. “Nobody, I guess. I tend to try and get as much homework done at lunch as I can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mrs Hungin frowned in disapproval. “I give you 3 hours study time a night Kaitlyn, Lunch is for socialising, not homework.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. “Gretchen plays her CD’s really loud during that time, and I can’t really concentrate very well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know why you seem to file all your attacks on Gretchen. She is a nice girl and I’m sure she doesn’t mean to annoy you. Maybe you could talk to her about it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have tried that.” I tried to say as gently as possible, attempting to avoid poking the beast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, maybe you didn’t say it in a very polite way. You can be quite rude Kaitlyn.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I went very quiet after that. I mean, how could she think I was rude when she never even spoke to me?!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I growled as I figured out that Gretchen had been ratting me out. That girl. I swear, one of these days I’m going to give her the slapping she deserves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have noticed your grades have dropped. You should be getting A’s. Especially if you spend all lunch studying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I opened my mouth to answer, but promptly closed it again, realising that if I tried anything to defend myself I’d just end up in trouble again. The rest of the drive was driven in wonderful silence, ending when we arrived back at the group home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I quickly raced up to my room and placed my bag down before meeting with Mrs Hungrin in her office. She was seated there, just staring at me and creeping me out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please take a seat Kaitlyn.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down on the wooden bench and gulped nervously. The only reason I was ever called into this office was when I was in trouble, and judging by the look on her face, this time was no different.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We are here to discuss your current living arrangements.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, you are actually letting me leave Gretchen? Thank you so much!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stared at me, baffled as to why I would be celebrating. She pulled out a collection of sheets and tapped them on the desk, straightening them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know a Mr &amp; Mrs Urie?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She somehow expected me to recognise these silly names. It sounds like one of the names of the stupid band people Gretchen listens to. Peterick, Frerard, Gerald Way, Brandon. They’re all silly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, no, never.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave me an odd look. “Well, Kaitlyn, after many years, They’ve found your parent’s will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you told me they didn’t leave a will…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, guess what Kaitlyn, turns out they did. And it says you are to live with Mr and Mrs Urie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you are going to ship me off like some kind of animal? Do I even get to meet them  beforehand?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well yes, you are going to meet them tonight over a dinner of their choosing. Hopefully you can make a good first impression and not mess this one up like you did the others.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “So what happens after I meet them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will stay here for the rest of the week, and then you can pack up and move out on the weekend. Saturday if I get my way, if not, Sunday. Hopefully the couple won’t mind. On that note, I expect you to make yourself presentable. You are going out after all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When do I need to be ready by?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re picking you up at 5:30.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Am I excused?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mrs Hungin gave me a nod of approval, and I raced upstairs to my room. I didn’t really own anything presentable. Just school clothes that had come from second hand shops.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the corner of the closet was a dress that I had owned when I was 12, and Mrs Hungin was sending me on dinner’s with possible foster parents in a chance to get rid of me. I never really did well on those. But I was older now, right? And this couple was supposedly knew my parents.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I guess it was then how much I really felt the need to fit in with these people. I hardly knew anything about my parents, other that they died when I was 5 in a car accident and that they hadn’t left a will. Even if this dinner didn’t work out, I hoped that I could learn something about my parents while I was out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled the dress out and slipped it on the best I could. It was obviously too small, and the zip wouldn’t do up at the back. In haste I grabbed a denim jacket given to me by Gretchen when she couldn’t fit into it anymore, and pulled it on as well. It hid the zipper, and surprisingly, didn’t look half bad with this dress.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I brushed my black hair to no end, making sure that there were no knots, and let it hang past my shoulders. I slipped my sneakers on, as they were the only shoes I had that still fit me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The other girls arrived home at 4:30, and Gretchen shrieked when she saw me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you WEARING?!” She exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I have a dinner tonight. Apparently my parent’s will said I was to live with them. But to be honest, I have no idea who they are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t wear sneakers with a dress!” She squeaked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Too bad. What are you going to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wasn’t expecting any form of reaction whatsoever knowing her but instead she threw me a pair of ballet flats I hadn’t even realised she owned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um thanks? I guess.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I slipped the shoes on and glanced at the time. It was just ticking over to five and the other girls were heading for dinner. I wanted so desperately to follow them as my stomach was aching for food but if I were to eat now, I wouldn’t eat later and that’d be rude to the couple. It feels so strange having your actions vary because of other people and it was a feeling I wasn’t hoping to get used to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled out an english textbook and began reading ahead, skimming through a few chapters ahead hoping to breeze ahead. The textbook was stupid having chapters and chapters of the same information, all worded different. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“KAITLYN! THEY’RE HERE!” I heard Mrs Hungin scream from downstairs. I tossed the book aside and plundered down the flights of steps to the door. Gretchen seemed pretty interested in what was happening, so she followed me, much to my distaste.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mrs Hungin was standing in the main room with a young couple following behind her, presumably the one that would be taking me out to dinner. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is Mr and Mrs Urie, Kaitlyn. Please be well behaved for them tonight.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, hi.” I said awkwardly, twisting my foot on the floor. Gretchen was standing next to me, eyes wide and mouth agape.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“BRENDON URIE I LOVE YOU!” She screamed, running forward and tackling him in a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now it was my turn to stare unbelievably. This girl had the nerve to basically drop tackle a guest. Mrs Hungin is right there! I took a small step closer to the couple and Gretchen cowered away embarrassed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My apologies.” She said before walking off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello Kaitlyn, nice to meet you. I’m Sarah.” The lady responded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave her a small wave, signifying I understood her response.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked at her and immediately picked up her signature features. Her big green eyes were glimmering with the light and her long black hair was still with her. The colour was obviously her father’s, but those waves were from her mother. Somehow, all the beautiful features of one of my best friends and his wife were painted onto the same canvas, creating one of the most beautiful creatures I had ever laid my eyes upon. I wanted to go over and hug her but I couldn't. I was too busy fighting the guilt that was eating at me. Sarah had gone over and introduced herself, leaving me to suffer in this painful silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stared up at me, almost with disgust until Sarah directed her to the car. I sat in the passenger seat leaving Kaitlyn to sit in the back while Sarah drove. Kaitlyn stared out the window and just observed the home as we began driving to the location.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sensed the awkward silence and attempted to make some small talk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So how was school today Kaitlyn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn didn’t move from looking out the window. “Uh, yeah, it was good I guess.” She mused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That good?” Sarah joked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhm. It’s the most exciting thing in my life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I knew that she meant for us to assume it to be another joke, but I could hear the truth in her voice. It made me want to shrivel in shame, for not finding her sooner. For not getting her out of that place sooner. I felt really selfish. I didn’t go looking for her because I was worried I wouldn’t cope with seeing her face everyday, to not be able to cope with constantly being reminded of the crash. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I continued looking out the window while tuning in to Sarah’s small talk so I was caught up. Kaitlyn still was purely mumbling answers rather than actually speaking. I could tell her mind was elsewhere.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um so where would you like to go Kaitlyn?’ I asked, hopefully confidently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doesn’t matter. It’s your choice, not mine.” She replied almost angrily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shut up and looked away, sniffling only because I knew I had already stuffed up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” She said softly, realising she had upset me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no, it’s fine kiddo.” I exhaled. “I just wanted to make sure we didn’t take you somewhere you hate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Mrs Hungin told me that I was going out to a place of your choosing, so, I just assumed you’d already picked something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, the choice is yours. What’s a place around here you like to eat at?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She chewed her lip. “I don’t think I’ve ever eaten out at anywhere around here, other than a couple of failed attempts of finding some foster parents. I don’t really have any expertise here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah and I exchanged a glance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s okay, I know a good little place.” Sarah smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the car ride was driven in awkward silence, the only sound being the tires on the road and the other drivers. For some reason I had expected her to a more like her 5 year old self, with all the smiles and her bubbly attitude. But that obviously wasn’t the case.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Because you abandoned her and left her to grow up in a group home, dummy!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to push the thought out of my mind. Hopefully we’d all open up a little more at dinner.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Well, this is nice.” Sarah said as we sat down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We had settled on a small restaurant tucked away behind this massive department store. It was the kind of place that you wouldn’t know existed if you hadn’t been here before. The restaurant itself was decorated nicely, with exposed brick lining the feature wall, and the rest of the walls painted a light blue colour. The yellow-ish, retro lights lined the walls, including the one over our table. Despite it being tucked away, it was reasonably busy, but luckily we were able to grab a table on short notice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn nodded as she looked around at the other families around the restaurant. “Is this place popular?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah winked. “More of a hidden gem.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We took our seats around the round table and sat in awkward silence as the waitress came around and poured us each a glass of water. The tension hung thick in the air, and we could all sense it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, is it okay if I call you Katie for short?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um. I guess so. Call me whatever you want. I can't really dictate you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span> “It’s your name, and we’ll call you what you like to be called, okay?” Sarah said a tad forcefully, trying to give the girl some sense of self worth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then Kaitlyn is fine I guess. I never really have been called anything else.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your Dad used to call you Kat.” I blurted out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at me with interest, expecting me to go on about her father.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He did?” She questioned further. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” I stammered. “He used to talk about you all the time when we’d hang out. Your mother too. She used to call you Katie, actually. They were so proud of you. One time, soon after you’d been born, I caught up for drinks with your Dad, and he couldn’t stop going on and on about how perfect your poops were.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That caused an outbreak of giggles around the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What were they like?” Kaitlyn asked. “As people, I mean. I don’t really have any memories of them besides a vague memory of what they looked like. But that’s kind of supported by the picture of them I have back at the group home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I knew your father much better than your mother,” I started. “But I know your mother worked from home. She was very crafty and would sell little trinkets. I had a few awhile ago. I might still.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Yeah, she would sell them at the local markets on a Sunday. I went down there a couple of times, helped with business. You were there too some days, she would perch you on her lap, and despite the fact that you couldn’t have been older than two, you would smile up at possible customers and talk to them, drawing business in. Your mother said that you were the reason that her trinkets and such sold so well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I watched the corners of her mouth slightly turn up in a smile, the brightest one we had all night so far. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know much more?” She asked hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “I could talk your ear off all night, and probably for the next month or so. I met your father when we were still in elementary school, and we grew up as best friends. It wasn’t really until the end of high school when I got in the band that we stopped talking so much. He wanted to be a part of the band too, but his mother, your grandmother, was incredibly strict with him and forbade him to be a part and made him go to college and get a job. He was a little jealous, and was really mad at her for a really long time, but once he met your mother, then everything was better for him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Band? This seems kind of like an important detail. May you reiterate?” She asked politely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bit my lip. “I am part of a band named Panic! At The Disco. I don’t know if you’ve heard of it. Your friend did, she recognised me instantly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, for one, Gretchen is NOT my friend. Secondly, YOU’RE the one who sings on those awful CD’s she listens to?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t say ‘awful’.” I mumbled, blood rushing into my cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my! I’m so sorry! That was so rude of me! I am so awful. I didn’t mean to be so rude it just came out! I’m so sorry!” She rushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s okay I suppose.” I shrugged. “I guess my music isn’t for everyone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn bit her lip awkwardly. “Sorry, I just, kind of blurted it out, and I suppose it isn’t that bad, it’s just that she blares it while I’m trying to study and I can’t concentrate while she plays it so loud.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No really, it's fine I guess. As I said, it isn't for everyone.” I attempted to explain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her cheeks were red with embarrassment as she fiddled with her fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, what would you like to eat?” I asked trying to eliminate the awkwardness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked intently at the menu and scanned every item thoroughly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, half a plate of fries? That’s the cheapest right? Oh I don’t know. I might go without.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah gave her a look. “Come on, pick something else. Don’t worry about the price.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen, if I get something expensive, Mrs Hungin is going to kill me for being greedy. Just something cheap, and I’ll be good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, don’t worry what she will think. We want you to enjoy yourself. You shouldn’t worry yourself. If she is to get mad at anyone, it would be me.” Sarah stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn nervously picked up the menu and looked it over, before sighing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really didn’t pick a cheap place.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I am so very sorry. I didn’t particularly think about the price. This is just the place I go with my friends. They have great service here so please don’t worry. Mrs Hungin doesn’t have to know. Please choose something you will enjoy.” Sarah said before she began highlighting some meal options. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually after a bit of debate, she decided on one of the cheapest options Sarah had mentioned. I had ordered something quite expensive, but to be honest, price never mattered to me. Sarah and I never worried about money, my records sold quite well, and I still made money from touring.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn picked at her food, not eating much of her meal. Instead, she sat and tended to watch us eat. I had found it odd at first but soon brushed it off. That was until Sarah and I had both finished and Kaitlyn had barely eaten half of a chicken nugget. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay Kaitlyn?” I asked worriedly before coming around to the other side of the table to comfort her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t. I just can’t.” She exclaimed all of a sudden, much to Sarah and I’s shock. “I don’t deserve this! I don’t deserve this beautiful food. I should be in the group home, alone like always.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, Kaitlyn, you’re being silly.” Sarah said gently. “We’re not leaving until you’ve eaten all of this, you hear me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if I can.” She whimpered before bursting into tears. “It’s too much!” She sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked down at the meagre sized plate. “Katie, come on, we’ll go slowly. We’ll start slowly, and continue on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn stared at her plate before slowly inching a nugget to her mouth before taking a bite and looking back at me. She slowly chewed her food and eventually finished the whole plate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel really sick.” She said. I scoffed, annoyed at the fact she wouldn’t appreciate the food. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to head to the bathroom Kaitlyn?” Sarah asked, getting a nod in return. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was sitting at the table when Sarah returned after sending Kaitlyn to go outside and get some fresh air. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s all gone. She was sick in the toilets. You don’t have to be such a bastard you know. She probably hasn’t eaten that much for years babe. We should take her back so she can rest.” Sarah stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine then, let's go.” I said, smashing the bills on the table behind me. </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 4- Food for Thought</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>*****Kaitlyn’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I laid on my bed and stared back up at the ceiling, tuning into certain parts of the conversation Mrs Hungin was having with Mr Urie and I couldn’t ignore the guilt that was pooling in my stomach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard creaking in the stairs and originally thought that it was Gretchen but the other girls were having a sleep out in the main room for some unknown reason. Instead, Sarah emerged through the door with a cup in her hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got you some hot cocoa. I’m not sure what you wanted so I guessed. Besides the whole sick thing, did you enjoy yourself?” She asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t really have an answer for that, after all, I myself had been pondering the same thing only just before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “I think so. You are really awesome Sarah, don’t get me wrong but I feel like Brendon, was it? Seems to hate me. I’m just not sure why.” I said uncertainly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s just Brendon. I’ll leave him to tell you about himself in his own time. He isn’t as crazy as he seems though. Maybe one day I’ll end up telling you.” Sarah replied. “And Brendon does love you a lot bub. He is just afraid. This all just came out of nowhere.” She finished. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and sat up on my bed. “I don't think I'm that scary… Am I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed. “He's been afraid since the day we found out we were taking you in Hun. He's always felt a guilt for not finding you sooner, and for not being there. After all, Bren and your Dad were as close as brothers. And I don't know if you could see it, but it was that guilt that was really weighing him down tonight. He’ll come around. In time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope so. He seems like a pretty cool guy. Do you think he still hates me for what I said about his music?” I asked nervously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you just surprised him. He cops a lot of grief over what he does. He just has been a lot more vulnerable lately. As I said, you might just have to wait for him to come around. I however, have to go downstairs. Just don’t worry yourself okay?” She asked.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded, although lying to her face. Sarah smiled at me, before heading back down the stairs to the ground floor. It was only a few minutes after she left that a familiar heavy step came barging into the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I cannot believe that YOU of all people get to live with BRENDON FREAKING URIE!” Gretchen exclaimed. “I mean, COME ON! You're Kaitlyn! If he was to take anyone, it should be me! And yet you refused his kindness, threw up when he took your out, and even insulted his beautiful music, and he's down there apologising for making you sick and agreeing to take you on Sunday!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned and rolled over, not wanting to deal with Gretchen’s antics. I was sick of this dreadful night and wanted nothing more than for it to end but instead, the same dream played through my head as I drifted. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Kaitlyn!” A man called out, one who appeared to be similar to my father. I looked to him and saw worry trapped in his eyes. He took my hand and squeezed it as everything faded to black. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I stirred, disturbed from the dream and saw Gretchen fast asleep and curled up in her bed. I threw my head back onto my pillow and stared at my alarm clock that read 4:13. It was still too early to go downstairs and no doubt Mrs Hungin is parading down the halls as always, yelling at anyone headed to the communal bathroom. In fact, I could hear her screaming right now. I nestled my head under my pillow and tried to curve it over my ears so I could try and get some form of sleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“I cannot believe you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah had demanded to drive on the way home, making me sit in the passenger seat in an effort to make me feel like a child. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did I even do?!” I exclaimed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah didn't even look at me, just shook her head in disbelief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You treated her awfully. Not only did you shun her and avoid conversation completely, you forced her to eat way too much, and then was a complete bastard about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Well I’m sorry I don’t know how to deal with children. I can’t do this! How the hell can I take care of a child? I’m a careless person. I can’t take care of her.” I said, a small tear slipping down my cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For the love of god Brendon! Stop feeling sorry for yourself and actually try to work out what we are going to do because you sure as hell are not going to be acting like this when Kaitlyn comes home. She needs stability, not some kind of wreck.” Sarah responded angrily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “She looks just like them, Sarah. It's hard in ways that you won't understand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed also. “Look, I’m sorry babe, but there’s nothing I can do. You know I would trade my life for Damien and Lydia’s in a heartbeat. W-No, you just have to try to move on. I know it's hard but think, they trusted you with her Brendon. You know that Damien would've killed for her. He clearly knows you can do it. It’s okay. We’ll work something out. Together.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm not the same person I was back then”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed in the same way she would if she was dealing with an argumentative child. “You'll do fine, Brendon. You can't get out of this, so you'll either have to suck it up and do the best you can, or whine like a baby and make her feel like she'd rather be in that dreadful home with that horrible woman.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We reached our house and walked inside. I went to the spare room and looked it over, assuming that this would be the room we would give her. It was reasonably large, with an en suite and a walk in wardrobe. But it was also remarkably bland, featuring a plain double bed with white bedding. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah leaned on my shoulder. “We’ll go shopping in the morning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are such a mind reader. I still don’t know how you do it.” I sneered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laughed. “I know you too well, Brendon Urie. Now get to bed, it's late.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I don’t wanna!” I imitated. Sarah laughed at my horrible attempt at being a child.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Time for bed, Little Brennie Boyd. Come on, I'll read you a story.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I laughed and we walked into the bedroom. After putting my pyjamas on, I climbed into bed. After fluttering my eyelashes at Sarah, I asked for my story. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was expecting something funny, but she gave me a grave stare.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You gotta fix your act Brendon, she needs you more that you care to admit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “I'll see if I can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah planted a kiss on my cheek. “Good. I'll see you tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She clicked the lamp off, and we both fell asleep. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 5 - The Showdown</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“And then I got to talk to him, and I told him about how much I liked his music, and he told me he was very grateful, and I suggested that I would be a better daughter for him than Kaitlyn, but he couldn’t take up my offer because he’s legally obliged to take her, but I bet he’s going to come back and take me too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The other girls were sitting around Gretchen, hanging off every word she said. I groaned and took another sip of my hot cocoa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you just SHUT UP?!” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hadn’t expected any reaction yet once again I was surprised as all the girls that had been hanging onto her every word had turned and were now staring at me. Most in disgust others however, in complete disbelief. It honestly felt as if I had committed blasphemy against the church.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it wrong that I just want a moment of peace?!” I exclaimed. The girls just gave me sneers and turned back to Gretchen, eager to hear more of her story. I knew it was all just fiction, she just loved the attention of the others.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mrs Hungin walked over to our group after listening in on the conversation from the other side of room for about 20 minutes. She gave me a disapproving frown, and sat down next to Gretchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it’s not fair, I would prefer you to go and live with that lovely couple, but I’m afraid fate is against you Gretchen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pushed my deep desires to scream abuse at them deep down and picked at my toast that had been placed in front of me. I had no intention of eating it, but it was good to pass the time. I waved the piece of toast around, almost inspecting it before taking a single bite and dropping it back on the plate. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mrs Hungin looked over at me gravely. “You are going to finish that, you hear me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I glanced up at her. “I’m honestly not even hungry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think I care if you’re hungry?!” She snapped. “You will finish that toast. I work hard to provide for you, despite your rude attitude and lack of respect for everyone around you. And you WILL finish that. You girls wonder why we don’t send you out. After one night you think you are better than everyone else here. News flash! You’re not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know I’m not better.” I snarled. “But maybe it’s time you start treating me like an equal. You treat me like the runt of the litter, the lowest of the pack, like nothing more than a parasite. You’re getting rid of me in a few days anyway. The only memories that I’m going to take with me from this place are Gretchen making my life hell with her pranks and stupid music and trying to make sure that I’m always annoyed, and you breathing down my neck all the time and telling me that every single little thing I do is wrong. I’m walking to school. The sooner I never have to see you again, it’ll be too soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And with that, I got up from my seat, and stormed upstairs, slamming the door to my room behind me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I admired the rhythmic tapping along the footpath all the way to the front gate of the school which was swung open for the buses to get in. I walked right into the building and began strolling down the hallways to my locker which would mark yet one more systematic day in the grand scheme of things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After collecting my maths textbook and my english novel, I closed the metal door to see Gretchen leaning on the locker beside mine, giving me a dirty look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re gonna get it when we get home.” She said, her eyes looking a tad concerned for me even, something I didn’t even think was possible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That stupid place is not home. I don’t have a home. I have a group house where I stay, but I don’t have a home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And as I said this, it had become quite obvious what a sad life I lead. I let out a small chuckle and slammed the locker beside me in a fit of uncontrollable laughter. I probably looked like a maniac but at  least I’m laughing to conceal pain rather than using it to injure I guess. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah well, she’s fuming mad. I’d be scared if I was you, this is the worst I’ve ever seen her, and I’ve lived there longer than you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well look, she is just due for a reality check. It’s not my fault you guys keep jamming a stick up her arse. I’m just here to light it on fire and watch her burn. Help her get used to the fiery pits of hell where she belongs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gretchen gasped. “You know what? Forget I ever tried to help you. Also, she flushed your fish down the toilet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That did cause me to frown, Bubbles was my only friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what you call helping? Sorry I wasn’t aware. I thought you were stirring up drama again. Oh well.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gretchen’s ears turned red. “I cannot believe you! I tried my hardest to try and make sure that you were aware of what was happening, so you can prepare a massive apology and hopefully get yourself out of trouble. But you know what? No. You’re not worth it. The only thing you care about is making life hell for the people who looked after you since you were 8. I took you under my wing!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“UNDER YOUR WING?!” I scoffed. “You put honey and chewing gum in my hair! You called me ugly! You put food colouring in my soap so I had blue skin for a whole week! And that horrible woman who you’re so desperately loyal too made me go to school like that, and people STILL call me smurf! You would pinch me, put my hand in warm water so I’d wet the bed, and use the other girls to gang up on me. You would never listen to me, you called me horrible names, started rumours about me, and you blared CDs so loud that the only thing I could ever concentrate on was how much my ears hurt. The only thing you’ve ever done for me, Gretchen, is make my life absolutely miserable!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“None of that is my fault! Why do you hate me so much?” She asked as a teacher strolled past. “Mrs Locklear! Kaitlyn is bullying me again!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At that point, I just couldn’t take it any more. I couldn’t bring myself to look at her dumb face as she would cry her crocodile tears and make me look like the worst person on the planet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So I slapped her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Right across the cheek. Firm, and fast. Everyone in the hall was far too shocked to say anything, including Mrs Locklear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gretchen looked at me, with anger in her eyes, gripped my arm, and slapped me across the face as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And from there, it got ugly. We punched, we kicked, and at one point she bit me. It was a full-on brawl, and everybody watched on in a mix of shock and awe. The adrenaline pushed me further, making my hits stronger and more frequent. I had lost control at this point with my arms flailing everywhere in hopes of hitting her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took a team of three teachers to break us apart, pulling us to opposite sides of the hall. I spat some blood out of my mouth, taking two of my teeth with it. Gretchen had more strength than I credited her with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The office. Both of you. NOW!” Mrs Locklear shouted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone went silent as we were escorted to the office, with a teacher between us to make sure we didn’t start brawling again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We were seated in two separate, uncomfortable chairs in the office and at this moment, we were staring each other down as the principal called the home. Joy. Mrs Hungin is going to be delighted to see her little angel all bloody and broken. The office staff didn’t even think to send us to the nurse, instead we both sat there suing heaps of tissues to try to stop bleeding. I had given up after the fifth tissue but Gretchen was still there trying to wipe blood from under her fingernails. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, you both know that this is completely unacceptable, correct?” The principal asked, his eyes darting between the two of us.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We both mumbled a yes, not really paying attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, I’d like to know, what started all this?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I opened my mouth to say something, but Gretchen beat me to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was all Kaitlyn! I swear, I was trying to warn her that she had made Mrs Hungin really mad this morning, but she just went all aggro on me and started attacking me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Liar!” I roared. “She came over to me, started telling me all this crap about how she’s been there for me, but in truth, all she’s ever done is make my life a living hell, and then she tried to make up a lie to get me in trouble, and then we both got really mad and started hitting each other! I wish I never had her as a roommate! She is the cruelest person I’ve ever met!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He paused and looked over us. “You two share a room?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Begrudgingly.” I added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you’re like sisters?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gretchen said ‘Yes’ at the same time I said “Absolutely not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just as we finished the disagreement, Mrs Hungin stormed in, absolutely fuming. Her cream crocodile skin purse was swinging by her side and her heels were clicking along the tiled floor. She walked right past me, ignoring the blood seeping from the gaps in my mouth where 3 of my teeth once were, and walked straight to Gretchen, holding a tissue to a small, insignificant gash on her forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mrs Hungin fussed over her head and tended to her while she cried her little heart out, while I sunk back into the chair and waited to be scolded. The principal was giving me an odd look, as if to ask whether this sorta favouritism was normal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I just gave a silent nod, and mouthed the words ‘just wait’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And sure enough, within a couple of minutes, Mrs Hungin had turned around, and started screaming at me. I zoned out for the majority of the conversation, focusing only on the fact that I was now feeling faint and it was probably too do with the blood loss. Mrs Hungin didn’t seem to notice me phasing in and out of consciousness as she just continued to yell. My mouth was full of blood at this point, so much so as to where I couldn't open it. I tried to swallow the blood before I feel faint.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mrs Hungin, can you just, pause for a moment?” The principal interrupted, giving me a look of concern.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mrs Hungin looked back at him, in complete shock that he was here. She didn’t notice him at all beforehand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, my, my deepest apologies.” She stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The principal opened a first aid kit, and handed me a spew bag, which I promptly began spitting the blood into. Even Gretchen looked disgusted. Mrs Hungin was acting a little more caring towards me now that somebody was watching her, and she lightly patted my back a couple of times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The blood turned to vomit as I emptied my stomach into the plastic bag as well. I was incredibly sick, and all I could see was the world spinning around me as I dipped in and out of consciousness before it all eventually faded to black. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah came speeding into the room, phone in hand and a distressed look on her face. I lifted my fingers from the piano and looked up at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong babe?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn got in a fight at school. And she’s in the hospital.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hang on, what?!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on! We gotta get there!” Sarah exclaimed, shoving her wallet and phone into her handbag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I followed her out the door, distressed but I carried on. We both quickly got seated in the car and began driving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think she is okay Sarah?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Supposedly she fainted at the principal's office, so I guess we’ll have to wait and see.” Sarah said, trying to remain calm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She certainly didn’t inherit this trait. Her parents were two of the most docile people I’ve ever met in my life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, something probably set her off. I don’t think it's a trait. She did seem pretty ticked off back at the group home. There was probably some kind of conflict and if she has some anger issues of the sorts, you are still going to respect her. You got that?” Sarah interrogated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Got it.” I grumbled, hating the way my wife was speaking to me.”Any chance you could stop dictating me?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any chance you could grow up?” She retaliated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what I did, Sarah, but it's clearly really pissed you off. I'm sorry okay? Is that what you want to hear? I’d rather not feel like a three year old every time I speak to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not me you have to apologise to.” Sarah said. “Listen, you need to step up, and stop acting like a whiny baby. You have to take care of her. She’s the daughter of your best friend, and you need to honour that he thought you were a great person to raise her. What would he say if he saw you like this, huh? Trying everything in your power to make sure that you don’t need to act like an adult around her. But it’s time you grew up Brendon. She’s practically your niece, and you need to put the past behind you. For her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not just a matter of putting it behind me. I am a murderer. I have to live with that. I can’t just drop it all and forget because if I could, I swear I would Sarah but I can’t. You can’t dictate me. You aren’t the one who has to be faced with the two people you helped kill every night when you shut your eyes. You don’t have to be the legal guardian of their child. You can’t tell me to put something in the past when it is still coming to haunt me to this day. I can’t live a single day without feeling guilt. I can’t stand the thought of me being allowed in society after what I did. It’s too much to live with. You of all people should know. You had to drive me to therapy twice a week for a year Sarah. You were there when they diagnosed me with PTSD and you prance around telling me to drop it. I can’t Sarah. It mightn’t have crossed your mind but I physically can’t.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah let out a deep sigh as she pulled into the parking spot. “Bren, if you’re really struggling that much, I’ll call Dr Jo when we get home. But for now, I really, really need you to put on a smiley face and just try to be understanding. If you need to leave, just tell everyone that you have to take a call from your agent regarding your next album or something, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just, please stay with me Sarah. I don’t want to have to go alone.” I responded meekly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah looked at me sadly, and planted a kiss on my cheek. “I’ll be with you when we go in, but I won’t be able to come out with you if you can’t take it anymore, okay? Just wait outside near the car, and maybe call what's-his-name that you like to catch up with.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed Sarah’s hand before taking a deep breath in and entered the hospital. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>-----------------------------------------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We were stood outside the door of Kaitlyn’s room, waiting to go in. Sarah was still holding my hand. I pushed the door open and saw a doctor fiddling with her IV. Kaitlyn looked up at us through her two black eyes and gave a weak smile in Sarah’s direction, revealing a couple of missing teeth that I had sworn had been there last night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh gosh, honey, are you okay?” Sarah exclaimed, rushing to her bedside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tried to sit up, and winced at the pain. “I’m okay, I guess. I’m not dead yet, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I curled up as she spoke of herself like that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there anything we can do for you?” I asked, hoping to make myself helpful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She considered for a moment. “Not really unless you want to attack Gretchen or Mrs Hungin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think that would just escalate the situation hun.” Sarah responded. If she hadn’t, I probably would’ve happily bashed some people up in hope that Kaitlyn might actually like me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded in understanding. “Yeah, I know. I’m truly really sorry about all this. I mean, it started this morning when Mrs Hungin had a go at me for no reason, then Gretchen had a really big go at me at school, and we just started, well, attacking each other. She’s okay, I don’t really pack quite a punch, but I passed out from blood loss at the school.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no hun it's truly fine. Don’t worry. We just want to make sure that you are okay. There’s no reason to feel bad.” Sarah explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn sighed. “I guess I was a little bit over always being put at the bottom. I mean, I have no friends, everybody around me treats me like crap, and Gretchen and Mrs Hungin are to blame, really. So I just kind of lashed out. I did last 6 years before I did though, that was good I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not saying you should’ve resorted to violence but I’m glad you stood up for yourself. I think that’s a lesson we all need to learn. In your case, I think we just need to work out a better way to rid yourself of the anger.” Sarah said calmly. It seemed like Sarah knew exactly what to do and when to do it. It was truly quite magical to watch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose it will be easier when I get out of that stupid hell-hole of a place.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope so bub. We’ll get you into a different school if we have too.” Sarah responded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave us a grateful smile. “Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Do you know how much longer you have to stay here Kaitlyn?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve supposedly bruised my ribs and stomach up pretty bad, so maybe tonight or tomorrow or something. I can’t be sure. I think Mrs Hungin knows, but I’m refusing to speak to her at the moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That's okay. At least there isn’t much longer for you in the group home. Maybe we could move into someone more homely than an apartment sized house.” Sarah joked. Kaitlyn laughed with her, causing pain to jolt up to her ribs as she did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, sorry bub, I didn’t mean for that to happen.” Sarah apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, it’s fine. They do say laughter is the best medicine.” Kaitlyn said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked at Kaitlyn sitting on the bed and began getting uncomfortable. I sat down and focused on breathing, hoping to not draw attention to myself. Luckily, Sarah was joking around with Kaitlyn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, I’ll be back soon.” I stated as I left the room and began walking to the carpark. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The trek back seemed a lot more daunting alone with all the moving cars swarming around me. I found our car and just opened the door so I could sit down and relax.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled my phone out of my pocket and flicked through the contacts until I found Gerard. He answered the phone quickly, much to my advantage, and I spoke before he could even get a word in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need to talk, man. Can we meet at Tonya’s?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah I guess so man. D’you want to go now?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked at the car. I would feel awful leaving Sarah here, but I would be back, or she could take an Uber or something. Plus she would understand, she knows how I’m having a rough time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Yes please. I’ll meet you there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I’ll meet you there. Take it easy okay Bren?” Gerard requested. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a shaky breath in and nodded. “I’ll try.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 6 - Get Together with Gerard Way</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>I parked the car at Tonya’s right next to Gerard’s, and walked right in, finding my friend sitting at a table with a small glass of water. He spotted me at the door and gestured to the seat next to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sped over, walking a little faster than average, and collapsed in the chair. Gerard looked me over, knowing that something was seriously wrong. His eyes became dotted with concern and he patted my shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong Bren?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I, um, I…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Spit it out, I’m here to listen.” Gerard said soothingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“L-Lydia and Damien, and then K-Kaitlyn, and then now hospital, and Sarah, and I just can’t!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, slow down, from the start, tell me what’s happened. What’s happening with Lydia and Damien? Are you having another episode?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head, an ‘episode’ for me was when the guilt got to great, the disorder took over, and I really stood for Panic! in Panic! At the Disco. Last episode I had, I got an overnight stay at the hospital when I bashed my car up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They found their will, Gerard. And they left their kid with me. The kid who was in the crash, remember? Kaitlyn. And then we had to go and take her out for dinner, and it’s absolutely killing me, she looks just like them. And then she got in big fight this morning at school with another girl from the group home she’s been living in who’s been bullying her for years, and now she’s in the hospital. I mean, she passed out at the school from blood loss! And it’s killing me Gee.. I can’t do this. Sarah is mad at me because apparently I’m not being caring enough, but I can’t help it and I can’t do this!” I said, crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did Sarah say exactly Bren?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She k-kept telling me to grow up and be there for Kaitlyn but I don’t know if I can. Every time I look at her I’m taken back to the crash and I’m afraid she knows. How could she ever trust me Gerard?” I continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, you know you didn’t kill them. You know it’s not your fault. It’s going to be ridiculously hard, especially at the start but if you really still think it is your fault, this is clearly your second chance. This is how you are going to make it up to them. I know, as a parent that the child is the most important person. Only when you first meet the child who will be occupying your time, you understand how much you love them, how many people you would willingly injure for them. I don’t think you have truly met her yet Bren and I don’t think you will until you can push away the guilt and let her open up to you.” Gerard explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gerard, I don’t have any experience with children, or teenagers, or anyone like that! Everybody is expecting me to step up and be this fabulous father figure who is going to make her feel loved and wanted, but I don’t know if I’m going to be able to do that! Odds are I’m going to just mess her up worse than she is.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, none of us know how to manage children. It’s a testing process. You won’t know how to properly manage her and you probably never will Brendon. I’m not saying this to insult you, I’m saying this because if she doesn’t open up to you, you aren’t ever going to be a perfect dad. It’s just a time thing Brendon. You are lucky enough to miss the diapers and potty training and you clearly have a child here right now you love. So for everyone’s benefit, I think you need to combat the guilt, even if you have to go back to therapy. You will be an amazing dad Brendon. No one can blame you for not being ready. Hell, I had a whole nine months to psych myself out and you have had it all pushed on you. Trust me Brendon, you of all people will be able to make the best of this surprise exchange.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I buried my face in my hands. “I don’t know Gerard. I feel like I don’t know anything anymore. I can’t control anything around me, and it scares me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you can slow it down. When is Kaitlyn moving in?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This weekend. Sunday I think. But with what happened at the school today, it could be sooner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well have you and Sarah prepared her room? That's something small you can try to control. It might get you a bit more excited rather than scared.” Gerard suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded uncertainly. “Yeah, maybe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe if you try to just tackle small tasks for now and focus more on your mental health rather than pleasing everyone else. I’m sure Sarah will understand, especially if she has been telling you to grow up.” Gerard stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and pulled my phone out my pocket. 7 missed calls from Sarah. Gerard noticed and gave me a look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you do, Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I may have taken the car and left her at the hospital…” I said sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard sighed, but not in a bad way. “I’ll ring her. Let me have a small talk to her. Get a drink or something, but nothing too strong, got it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Want anything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard took a sip of his water. “No thanks. I’m good.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He then left me to head up to the bar while he called her.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Gerard’s Point Of View******</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked outside of the bar and pulled my phone out of my pocket. I quickly dialled Sarah and waited for her to pick up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello. Is this Gerard?” Sarah asked</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah it is. Just letting you know that Brendon is with me and fine. Do you need a lift anywhere?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should be fine. Are you sure Brendon is okay? Is he having an episode?” She asked worriedly</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He is fine. Do you want him to come back? I can send him home.” I suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No it's fine. He probably just needs some time with you. You always manage to help him get back on his feet after he has a little breakdown.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A smile tugged at my lips. “Okay. I’ll look after him. He’s really worried about this girl Sarah, and it’s the most concerned I’ve seen him in years.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll make an appointment with his psychologist.” Sarah said with a hint of worry. “We’ll get him back into therapy for a couple of weeks, maybe longer depending on how he copes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I should go back in and check up on him. Bye Sarah.” I hung up and headed back inside to find Brendon.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Brendon’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed a beer, and sat back down at the table, taking a couple sips. My mind ran over the events of the morning over and over again, trying to analyse it from every angle. I tried to shake the thoughts away, It was a bad habit of mine to overthink these things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard soon returned to his seat, phone in hand and took a sip of his water that was still placed on the table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything good?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep. Sarah just got a taxi back. What about you?” He retaliated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got the car, remember?” I said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right my apologies. She said to just relax until you think you are well, so don’t worry about rushing to get back home.” Gerard mentioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and took another sip of my beer. “Thanks for coming out to see me, I mean, I know you live a good drive away from here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really, it’s fine. Lindsey knows whats up so she stayed to chill with Bandit. I just wanted to make sure you were all good. And besides, a drive is just a drive. I would probably fly out on a plane to see you Brendon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “You’re an awesome friend. I’m lucky to have you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled in return. “I’d have to say the same for you too Brendon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I finished up my beer and made polite conversation about Gerard’s life and what’s been happening over in his realm of the earth. I suppose it was nice to take my mind of things for an hour or so.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m going to go home now. Sorry for just leaving you here.” I apologised, pulling the car keys out of my pocket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s truly fine. I might just get a hotel. If you need me, feel free to call okay, Brendon?” Gerard explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Yeah, okay. Are you sure you don’t wanna spend the night with us? I mean, use the room before it’s gone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No it's fine. Wouldn’t want to be a bother.” Gerard assured. “Besides. Got the room already booked.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Call me if your plans change. See you later Gerard, thanks for your help.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 7 - The Shrink</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Hey Brendon. Did you sleep well?” Sarah asked from the kitchen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wiped some sleep from my eye. “Yeah, I guess so. I think talking with Gerard really helped.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s great honey! I was looking through some catalogues and it turns out that there is a sale going on at Mackalie’s Furniture. Did you want to pick up some stuff for Kaitlyn’s room?” She questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure. We probably should get started on it.” I responded, thinking back to Gerard’s suggestion last night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay babe. I made you some breakfast, it’s just on the table.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Thank you. I mean it, thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah blushed. “No problem. You might want to eat it before it gets cold.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah soon joined me at the table with a plate of her own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So Brendon,” Sarah started, “After your little meltdown last night, I called Dr Jo. She suggested you started going back to see her a couple of times a week, just until you can find your feet again with all this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stopped chewing and swallowed. “Sarah, I don’t, Don’t you think that’s a little drastic?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, with what you said to me in the car, and with what Gerard said, I think it’s not a bad idea. I won’t tell anyone, and we can just tell Kaitlyn that you have to go and see your producer or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “She’s not going to put me back on meds, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah looked at me nervously. “That’s up to her, and what she thinks is best for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if I should go. I mean, I’m fine now?” I stated unconvincingly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, just go for now, okay? Even if you think you’re fine, I just want to make sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, I don’t want to. That place made me miserable. I just wish I didn’t have to deal with all of this. And the meds. Don’t get me started. The meds alone are enough to make me crazy. I don’t want to go back Sarah. I’m scared. Please, there has to be something else.” I pleaded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah wrapped her arms around me in a hug. “I’m afraid not Beebo. You have to face this eventually, or else you might snap. And won’t be able to bear that, I need my Brendon. I need you to be okay. We need to look after each other, and right now, this is me looking after you. Please, just go, for me, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How often is she making me go Sarah?” I asked, afraid. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Two hours this afternoon, so she can get a good understanding of the problem, and then an hour every Tuesday and an hour every Thursday. If you get better, and if you do better, then we can cut those visits back, okay? I know it seems like a lot, but I promise, it’s going to pass in the blink of an eye.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded lightly, trying to conceal the tears that were building. I hated the therapy. I felt useless. I felt alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m here Brendon, I’m always going to be here to help you through this. And we’re going to get through this together, you hear me?” Sarah grabbed my hand and looked into my eyes. “I could never leave you Brendon. Okay? Just remember that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Come on, let’s finish breakfast, and then we’ll go out, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded my head and went to wipe my clear plate up at the sink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is nice, don’t you think?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head as Sarah ran her hand over another ugly bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh come on Brendon! We’ve been driving around for hours! What exactly are you looking for?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know! I’m sorry babe! I thought I would’ve found something by now.” I began, searching frantically for the perfect bed. I had no clue what teenage girls liked! It seemed like all the frames were generic and would be boring. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah you should know more about this. What would you like?” I asked worriedly, becoming rapidly confused and anxious. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah placed a hand on my shoulder. “Let’s keep going, eventually we’ll find something. I hear there’s a shop downtown which specialises in teen rooms, so if we can’t find anything here, then we’ll go there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um okay. I’m sorry for being a pain.” I apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. There’s some more beds over here.” Sarah pointed out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked around the bedroom suites, but they all seemed to be the same thing. White or wooden headboard, and then the same footboard. Sure, some of them were shaped funny, but none of them really stood out as being awesome.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed. “Do you want to go to the other store now babe?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Yeah, sure, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked out of yet another store without buying anything, and headed to the store that supposedly sold good stuff for teenagers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a significant change in the atmosphere with all the furniture being modern and unique. I pranced around the store, happily inspected each display room until I came across one that was poised right at the back of the store. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It seemed different, there was something right about it. Sarah noticed my change in mood as I ran my fingers across the bookshelf in the display room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This one, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “The bed is nice, the headboard is soft, which means you don’t hurt your head if you accidently hit it there. And the bookshelf matches, and so does the desk. And I think the light fitting in the room goes perfectly with it. The rug is pretty too. What kind of bedding do you think?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We could go with something patterned. It would make it more interesting rather than just white.” Sarah suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We headed over to the bedding section and scanned through many patterns of sheets before deciding on a simple striped comforter and some plain white bed sheets. Sarah had already found herself looking through all the patterned throw cushions and she already had selected a few. We’d decided on a black, white and gold colours scheme, and luckily for us, the shop had heaps of furniture in that exact scheme.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We had to get a truck to deliver the entire console to our house since we weren’t able to fit it in the car. Sarah went a bit overboard with the pillows, filling up the entire back seat of the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you get enough pillows?” I asked Sarah jokingly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. I just wanted it to be nice.” Sarah responded glumly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is. I was joking. Sorry.” I responded, feeling a tad guilty I had made my wife feel bad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah whatever.” She started before looking at the clock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shivers.” She said, speeding up the car. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have to get to Dr Jo’s office, like now.” She responded hurriedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just like that, my mood completely changed from being satisfied that I had made a cool room, to filled with absolute fear and terror.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-we could be late…” I stammered nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Babe, she’s been overbooked for days. She barely squeezed you in. We have to get there on time.” She replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and sat quietly as I watched all the cars roll past. It felt like they knew where we were going and why we were going there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah reached over and took my hand, alerting me that we had arrived. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure we can’t come back another time?” I wavered awkwardly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah shook her head, and got out of the car. I begrudgingly did the same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked into the oh-so-familiar building and sat as Sarah talked to the receptionist. I scanned through my instagram, my inbox bursting with messages from fans. I couldn’t bring myself to open them today, I just didn’t feel up to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo came out and scanned the room for me. She pointed her finger and instructed me to follow her. I was reintroduced to her stark and bland office that hadn’t changed since I was last here. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sit down Brendon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down on the plush leather sofa and sprawled out, like I had become accustomed to. Nobody cared here if I put my feet on the coffee table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, I hear from your wife that you’ve been having some difficulty with some news you’ve received.” Dr Jo stated plainly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “If that’s how you want to put it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not going to cooperate, are you?” She inquired.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” I grumbled. “I’ll cooperate. But don’t tell my wife.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. So what exact emotions did said news cause?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I snuggled my head into the soft cushion. “Shock, I guess. A bit of disbelief, and a hell of a lot of anxiety.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. That’s good.” She began, jotting everything down on a computer. “Why were you shocked? Why exactly are you battling anxiety again?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because, well, I was shocked because I have no experience with children at all, and then I find out that Damien, of all people, trusted me with his kid. I mean, come on! I can’t do this! And the anxiety is coming from the fact that she looks just like them. And I’m terrified at the thought of facing that everyday. I’ll be seeing them everywhere, always reminded by what I did. Plus, odds are, my insanity is going to mess her up. I can’t be a parent! I’m, well, Brendon!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, so it’s gone through court and such. So you can legally have this child?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s all mine, apparently.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course she is. And I wasn’t even consulted. Well Brendon, you need to be stable to support a child. That means only one thing. And it’s your favourite.” She stated blandly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh come on!” I exclaimed. “Please! Something else! Anything else! I don’t want the medication!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re sounding like a child yourself at this point.” She muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a doctor! Work out something else, anything else!” I exclaimed worriedly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed as she tapped something else into her computer. “Brendon, do you want the best for her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That struck me like a bolt of lightning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, then you need to take this medication. I know it’s effects can be a little, well, mind-numbing, but it’s better in the long run. And you don’t need to take it everyday, just when you’re feeling a little overwhelmed.” She explained. “But if you have another breakdown Brendon, we will need to further monitor you. This has blown way out of proportion. When was the last time you drove down Parkinson’s Road?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t think I have since the crash. Well, sometimes when Sarah’s driving she takes it, but I always close my eyes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wrote more down. “Brendon, last time you were here I told you to drive down there more frequently. It’s clear you disrespect my diagnosis.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not that.” I mumbled. “It’s just something I haven’t been able to do. I’ve done everything else. I’ve been back to the ice-cream parlour where Damien and I used to go, back to the market where Lydia sold her trinkets, and I’ve even managed to re-master the piano.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I do admire how far you have come, but it's clear where your real issues lie. I want you to go down that road Brendon. I want you to drive down there, right along the middle lanes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I immediately broke out in a cold sweat. “NO! I mean, no, I just can’t do that. Not right now. I mean, I have to focus on Kaitlyn, not the stupid road. Yeah, Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I’m not sure if you realised but only one bus goes down that road for school children and it stops at the one school Kaitlyn goes too. If she moves in with you, what will she do if she misses that bus?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah. Sarah can take her. And we were going to move her to a different school anyway, she got in a fight at that place yesterday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, Sarah can’t do everything. She has had to get a job because you stopped your music Brendon just to make sure you keep a steady income. You know she is busy and you also know that your money is depleting fast. You said you picked up piano again, correct?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it took a while, but I started with songs I wrote by myself, and built my way up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well until you are releasing music, Sarah will be busy, leaving you to care for Kaitlyn. You are aware of this, correct?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose.” I mumbled. “But she is sort of independent. I mean, she’s lived in a group home for years without anybody really taking care of her, so as long as I give her food, she should be good, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do realise that you are planning on treating her like a dog, correct?” She began.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “Well, I wouldn’t give her canned food. I can make sandwiches, and I mastered the kettle, so I can make instant noodles too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, this mightn't have crossed your mind but you see, the same time you lost your best friend was the same time she lost her parents. She probably wants stability and normality. She wants a family, Brendon and that’s why Damien trusted you with her. He trusted you to be her family, not just a caregiver.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped as tears pooled in my eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He shouldn’t have trusted me. I can’t, I can’t do this!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon! Brendon please! I don’t think you are the perfect candidate either but Damien isn’t here anymore to change his mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I killed him! I killed him! And Lydia too! I can’t take care of their kid! My god, what has he done?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you are the closest thing to family she has left. She needs you, Brendon, not some stranger.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears were full on running down my face. “She’d be better off somewhere else! What if I kill her too?! Oh god. I’m gonna kill her. I’m gonna kill her. I really am. Why did they even give me a drivers license?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon please. You aren’t going to kill her. It’s not just you anymore Brendon. You have Sarah to help you. You need to understand that this is truly for the best!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We took her out for dinner a couple of days ago.” I stammered, pulling myself together and sitting up on the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her ears perked up with interest. “So you’ve met then? I didn’t think you had.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. We took her out.” I tried to explain with a teary voice and a bright red face. “Her roommate knew who I was. That was cool, I guess. It’s been a couple of years since I’ve been recognised. But we took her out, and now she hates me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure she doesn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>hate </span>
  </em>
  <span>you, Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But she does! The first thing she ever said to me, was that my music was terrible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She jotted something else on the sheet I had identified as my prescription. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, no more. I can’t.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed. “Brendon, we’re going to keep going. Now, was it in those exact words that she told you that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what did she say then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was shocked, and said that she couldn’t believe I was the one who was on the ‘awful’ CD’s her roommate played. Although, to be fair, she did apologise immediately after, and she did have a full-on brawl with her roommate at school yesterday. I don’t think they’re the best of friends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Did this ruin the mood of the night for you Brendon?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess so. And then it got worse. I mean, she didn’t want anything to eat, and Sarah had to coax her into getting something decent. And then she wouldn’t eat it. And I tried to make her, and I made her finish it, but then she threw it all up.” I began. “And then Sarah started getting mad at me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo tapped her pen on the paper. “Does Kaitlyn have any diagnosed eating disorders?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That took me by surprise. “No, I don’t think so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, okay.” She said while presumably taking notes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well your time is basically up. You know the drill, head to the pharmacy and fill your prescription. Now don't bail out on me Brendon. I do actually want the best for you.” She admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and sat up, taking the green piece of paper from her hands. She studied my face for a moment, and printed another copy. I assumed she was going to give me a backup, but instead, walked me out to the waiting room and handed it to my wife.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Make sure he is up to date. If he takes this like he should, his breakdowns hopefully won’t be so severe.” She explained. Sarah nodded and took my hand to lead me out of the building. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So do you feel any better Bren?” Sarah asked. I just grunted in response, not really wanting to open up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It'll help in time Hun. You'll be fine.” Sarah affirmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still wish I wasn’t going at all. I swear, all that woman does is shove meds into me so I’m some kind of mindless puppet.” I responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, it's not that bad, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Says the one who is supposedly </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah let out a long, exasperated sigh. “The furniture truck is arriving in an hour. Want to start clearing the room so we can build the furniture? It's all flat pack.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I guess we’ll have to.” I responded blandly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We climbed in the car and Sarah drove us home. I wanted to drive, but she simply gave me a kiss on the cheek and a sad smile, and directed me to the passenger side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The room itself wasn't a big job, and after moving the cheap bed we'd bought for guests to the other guest room, we vacuumed and cleaned the walls. I went through and cleaned the bathroom, and Sarah did the wardrobe. By the end, we were ready for the delivery truck to arrive. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Kaitlyn’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on. You have to get back to the group home now. The doctor’s won’t let me send you back to school.” Mrs Hungin grumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I strapped the wrist brace onto my sprained wrist and hauled myself out of the bed. “Aww, too bad for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I knew I was being rude, but the fact is, as long as she treated me like a leech, I would treat her like vermin. And after all, the doctor said the medication might make me irritable, so I was getting away with it too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ungrateful little brat.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rude little woman.” I spat straight back at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Two more days.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I flashed my eyebrows. “2 more days where I can drive you insane and get you back for putting me through hell.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grumbled an indistinguishable response and lead me back to the crappy car she had to take me back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The twins have kindly offered to share their room with Gretchen for the next two days, and you two are not to speak, you hear me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, gladly.” I smirked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really hurt her Kaitlyn. You should be ashamed of yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I snorted. “The only thing I hurt was her ego. May I remind you who ended up in the hospital?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is hardly her fault that you are weak Kaitlyn. She probably isn’t used to dealing with brittle bodies.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My god. I cannot believe you. I was punched, kicked, beaten and bit, ended up in the hospital, am now missing 3 teeth, 2 broken ribs, and 2 black eyes, and you STILL want to make it seem like it's not her fault. News flash! I'm not the bad guy! I'm just trying to stand up for myself, and yet you seem to take that as me being a bully. When in all truth, I'm the one being bullied.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You seem so much more disrespectful since you met with Mr and Mrs Urie. I don’t know what ideas they put into your head but I don’t like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm disrespectful to you, because you don't have any respect towards me! The only thing that Brendon and Sarah did was give me food. And I think it's time I realised on my own that you hate me. You treat Gretchen like she's royalty, and me like a slave. And I'm sick of it, okay? I'm as much of a person as she is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You clearly have never been taught that you should treat others as you want to be treated.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, so Gretchen wants me to put her into hospital too? You're the one who raised me. If you're unhappy with me not being taught something, then that's completely your fault.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All I have done is feed you, keep your clothes clean, give you a place to stay and you disrespect me. I even take the time to remember your birthday!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then when is my birthday?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her face twisted up as she tried to remember. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“July 24th?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” I stated plainly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait no. June 24th?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well no surprise there. You remember Gretchen’s birthday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her face turned a shade of pink. “I have it at home! And I always get you something!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For my last birthday you bought me a gift card for a golf store.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I care about your sporting life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don't even play golf! I traded it with this kid at school for a book voucher, which in turn I ended up having to use to purchase a textbook from the school!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It's your fault. You could've made an amazing golfer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“10 bucks isn't enough to buy the cheapest club they have in there! The only thing that I could've used the voucher for was maybe a water bottle or something!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See? This is why I don’t purchase you anything. You are ungrateful. Gretchen accepts all of her gifts courteously unlike you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you actually buy her great stuff! For her birthday she got a $600 laptop!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I brought you a computer too! It’s sitting in your room and you never use it!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you bought the twins a laptop. And the younger girls one too! But not me. Never me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what about when I brought you a new desk?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? The one that looked as if it would fall apart if a feather landed on it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s still standing, is it not?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well yes but that is hardly the point!” I counted as we pulled up to the home. “I can’t use it or else it’ll crumble!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go to your room. Don’t come out until dinner.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I traipsed up to my room and collapsed onto the bed in attempts to entertain myself.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 8- The Road & Reuniting With Old ‘Friends’</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>don, It’s fine, truly. You can do this.” Sarah stated, almost as if she was giving me a pep talk before a game. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t it wait? We can do it another time?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have to be there in 20 minutes, and it's a 20 minute drive. Come on Bren, let's go!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got into the driver’s seat and squirmed around nervously, knowing where we were going to end up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure Sarah?’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Let's go. Put the car in drive. That's it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I travelled down our street nervously, dreading the eventual trip down the highway. I turned onto the road and began steering to the outside lanes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, this isn’t going to work if you aren’t going to do what she said.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I turned the car back into the middle lane and began shaking wildly. I could barely control the car. I became really worried at the sight of any car going past and began panicking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“SARAH! Help. Please!” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“JESUS BRENDON!” She shrieked, leaning over and gripping the wheel with one hand, trying to steady the car and stop it from going all over the road. She ended up driving us into a rest stop on the side of the road.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get out.” She commanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I climbed out of the car and went into the passenger side, hanging my head in absolute shame.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah took a deep breath to compose herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you tell me beforehand that you weren’t going to be able to drive down Parkinson’s?” She asked gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bit my lip. “I just wanted to show you I could do it, and that I didn’t need the medication.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you should’ve just told me babe. I know you don’t like the medication but it’s for the best. Are you okay for me to keep going?” Sarah asked comfortingly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded glumly and sat in the passenger seat, not saying a word. I could tell Sarah was worried about me, she kept shooting occasional glances in my direction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. I’m so stupid.” I said, throwing my face into my hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not stupid Brendon, you’ve just been through a lot, and it’s understandable, okay? I’m not judging you, and neither is anybody else. Anyway, we’re here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Kaitlyn’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“THEY’RE HERE KAITLYN!” I heard Mrs Hungin scream from the other room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked up from the TV and looked towards the front door. There was a light knock, probably Sarah, and  Gretchen rushed to open it. She had mostly recovered from the fight, with only a couple of bruises and a small gash on her forehead. I was still badly injured, and it hurt to move honestly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Bub! Ready to come home?” Sarah asked as she walked in the door, completely ignoring Gretchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave her a half smile and pushed myself off of the chair, ignoring the screaming pain from my abdomen. Mrs Hungin had decided to not give me painkillers as a punishment for the fight, which was not fair at all, but I didn’t want to push her further. I had been annoying enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s Brendon?” I asked, wondering where the one man I was supposed to know had disappeared to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s coming, he’s just making room in the car for your bags.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I snorted. “Bags? Plural? I have one. Oh wait, and my school bag. They’re upstairs. Hang on, I’ll go grab them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah noticed the imminent pain on my face as I began walking towards the stairs. “Oh, I’ll come with you. You really shouldn’t be carrying anything heavy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed in relief as Sarah followed me upstairs to my ‘new’ room. I picked up my backpack and Sarah grabbed my worn duffle bag. I folded my blanket up and tucked it under my arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is all?!” She asked in disbelief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Yeah, I’m not really the favourite around here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus, we’ll have to go shopping then. Sound alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe. Who knows. This will do for now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so.” Sarah responded. We were greeted by a worried Brendon in the living room.. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nudged Sarah. “What’s up with him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, nothing. He’s just stressing.” She replied. The answer was simple enough yet I still looked through her words and tried to pick apart her tone to work out what was wrong. I couldn’t help but feel that I was the reason he was stressed so I bowed my head and just wavered near Sarah. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tried to smile when he saw me. “Where’s the rest of your stuff?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I twisted my foot awkwardly on the ground. “This is it, actually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked slightly concerned. “Oh, okay.” was all he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, where’s that woman who runs this place? Do we need to sign something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pointed to her office. “She’s in there. She’s probably going to try and tell you that I’m trouble and disrespectful and something, just warning you. I’m just going to wait out here. Her and I aren’t really best friends right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Sarah’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked into the office with Brendon trailing closely behind. Mrs Hungin was busy at her desk, scanning through paperwork. Too busy to notice we had come in however.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“17th of April! Ah ha!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, hello?” I said. This caught her attention. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! Mr and Mrs Urie! You couldn’t have come soon enough. My apologies for making you two kind folk wait. Please, take a seat.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a seat in one of the chairs facing the desk and prepared for her to speak. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here’s the paperwork. Just a note too, she has been very disrespectful to me lately. I’m unsure if you encountered that but I am just giving you a fair warning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I remembered Kaitlyn saying that she would probably tell us this. “Well, she’s been nothing but a dear to us. She is honestly a lovely girl.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I watched as her face shrivelled up as she forced herself to agree.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe she has just been having a bad few days. The hospital isn’t exactly a delightful place.” I suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, well, she did cause herself to get admitted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. She didn’t. Gretchen attacked her.” I said slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Gretchen wouldn’t do such a thing without being provoked. Kaitlyn has never been a nice person to be around. Her parents were never much better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“WHAT!?” Brendon interjected. “Her parents were the nicest people on this earth!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Her mother was a cow. I don’t know what you knew of them, but her mother would always parade around the school halls acting like she was better than everybody else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you already had a relationship with the child before you took her into care. Isn’t that all more of a reason to be nice? Particularly if you weren’t fond of them so she wouldn't grow up like them? And it seems like you had no reason to even hate her. How does your school life tie into Kaitlyn’s?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She is exactly like her mother and has been since she arrived. She places herself above everyone else.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so. Anyway, I think that’s the last of the paperwork.” I said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She quickly signed it off. “Alright. All yours. You can take her now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The three of us walked out of the office to the entrance hall, where Kaitlyn was waiting patiently. She grabbed her backpack and the tattered blanket from beside her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ready to go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep! All sorted bub! Let’s go!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Awesome.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed her bag, and we started heading towards the door, but we stopped suddenly when Mrs Hungin asked a question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where do you think you’re going with my blanket?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn looked down at the bundle of fabric in her hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you bought this for me when I was 10.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you wouldn’t stop whining about how cold it was, even though I had already provided you with a blanket. And that belongs to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I need it. Please, I can’t sleep without it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Give it back. It’s not yours. I will call the police and report you for theft.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, I’m begging you, I won’t take anything else, I just really need my blanket!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Give it back. It’s mine, and will need to go to the next girl I take in. And you’re on private property.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She keeps the blanket.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We all looked up at Brendon, who had pulled his wallet out. He pushed a 50 dollar note into Mrs Hungin’s hand, despite the fact that she probably paid less than half that for it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, I, uh…” She stammered, clearly not expecting this reaction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on Kaitlyn, let’s go.” I said, pushing the door open and giving Mrs Hungin a dirty look as she glared at us. Brendon and I took each others hands, and finally left the building, satisfied that we wouldn’t have to return here. Ever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for that Brendon, You honestly didn’t have to do that.” Kaitlyn said as we met next to the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, I just didn’t want to have to be there longer than necessary.” Brendon mumbled nervously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn weakly smiled toward him in return before climbing into the back of the car. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is everyone buckled up?” I asked, hoping to break the silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep.” Kaitlyn and Brendon both replied. I steered my way out of the carpark and onto a desolate street that headed to the highway. I noticed Brendon getting a lot more nervous and Kaitlyn was squirming in her seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt so bad for the both of them and I wanted to just stop the car right here but Brendon had to get to therapy soon. I found myself getting stressed as I looked at the time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, is there another route we can take?” Kaitlyn asked from the back seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Afraid not. We’re going to have to take Parkinson’s Road.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know why, but driving down this road always freaks me out.” She admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon let out a muffled sob.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There is a shortcut but it’s about halfway through. I’ll make sure I make the turn okay?” I offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I saw Kaitlyn nod in the back but didn’t get much of a response from Brendon, not that I expected much of one while he was like this. I didn’t check that he took his meds this morning either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We drove past the exact scene of the crash and Brendon just broke down. I quickly made the turn off the road and hoped Brendon could settle himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong Brendon?” a small voice asked from the backseat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I,” He stumbled, trying to come up with an answer. “I can’t tell you right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay, that’s okay.” She said, realising he was a ball of nerves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled into the nearest mall and tried to find a car park near the front. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are we here?” Kaitlyn asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you we would go shopping, did I not?” I responded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay then.” She said nervously. I pulled into a parking space, and nudged Brendon to come up with his little cover story.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His phone binged, probably from an app or something, and he pulled it up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh oh, I have to kind of go see my manager?” He said unconvincingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I mentally face-palmed. “Right now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I handed him the car keys. “Okay babe. Have fun. Can you pick us up when you’re done?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh huh.” He nodded, climbing into the driver's seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on Kaitlyn.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 9- Girl’s Day ft. Sarah Urie</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Sarah, I don’t have any money” Kaitlyn said nervously as we entered the mall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, don’t worry about that. You have me. I’m here to get you some things, you’re obviously lacking some clothes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her cheeks went pink. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And obviously anything else we might need. Do you know what size you are?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve lived off Gretchen’s hand me downs for 6 years, I have no idea. I don’t think I’ve ever been shopping, to be honest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s okay. We can get you sized if you’re okay with that.” I affirmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe. I don’t know.” She shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry. We’ll work it out. We may also need some…...undergarments. You can't live on hand-me-downs forever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her face grew a dark shade of pink as I mentioned this and I giggled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, I don’t know…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not as bad as it seems.” I assured her. “Now come on, let’s go and get some lunch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I lead her to the food court and sat her down at the table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you feel like?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not hungry.” She answered without even thinking about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shifted around in the seat. “I’m just not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you have a big breakfast or something?” I asked, concerned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh yeah, a big breakfast.” She responded unconvincingly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I call Mrs Hungin, will she tell me that?” I asked firmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno.” She mumbled. “Maybe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you lying to me?” I pushed on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her cheeks went red as a single tear slid down them. “Maybe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and sat down next to her. “Kaitlyn, honey, you don’t have to lie about stuff like this. It’s just lunch. And you need to eat. So come on, what do you want?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m honestly not hungry.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Too bad. Let’s get something, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to be sick. I don’t want to waste your money.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to make you overeat, I just want to make sure you have something in your stomach, okay? Something small if you’re not really that hungry. But you need something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I just have a small salad or something?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “You guard the table, I’ll get you something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She just sat still at the table and stared at some plants that were in the food court. I rushed to the nearby McDonalds and ordered 2 wraps, before quickly returning to the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, eat up.” I said, gesturing to the food. I opened my foot and took a bite, while Kaitlyn took her sweet time with it. She glanced up at me nervously, and I gave her an encouraging smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>From the way she acted when she bit into it, it seemed like somebody had just told her to bite into a brick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After about three bites she spoke up again. “I’m full.” She admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No you’re not.” I said. “If you can eat half of that, I’ll be happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took one more hesitant bite before looking at me worriedly. I noticed her face going pale so I lead her to the bathroom. I heard her throwing up in the stall and collapsed in defeat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” She croaked, obviously upset.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. I should’ve listened to you when you said you were full.” I responded sadly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, let's go shopping now.” I suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I lead her through the mall into countless shops, each of which she refused to look in because of the pricing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, you have to stop worrying about the pricing. Buy whatever you want.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She ended up wandering around a general department store, looking at plain t-shirts and shorts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I turned my nose up. “Come on, let’s go somewhere else. New rule: We’re not looking at price tags. Only at the styles, okay? You tell me what kind of stuff you like, and you’re not allowed to touch the tags or read the price.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn frowned. “I don’t want to spend your money Sarah. I don’t deserve that. I’m good with what I’ve got, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Katie, you’ve got less than a duffle bag of stuff. There’s no way you can survive on that. Come on, let’s look around.” I said firmly. Then I paused. “You do deserve it, okay? And it’s nice to have somebody to shop with. And knowing Brendon, he’ll take awhile so we could get our nails and hair done. It’ll be nice!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve never had my hair cut by somebody other than Mrs Hungin to be honest.” She admitted. “Oh wait, no, Gretchen cut my hair once while I was sleeping.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s horrible! We’ll definitely have to do that then.” I affirmed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I suppose.” She shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright then. Let’s go back to that other store you seemed interested in, hey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blushed. “But it’s all really expensive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not looking at price tags, remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She lead the way to the shop and headed to the back where there was some nice dresses. She was looking at a group of them but then I saw her checking the price tag. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t do this Sarah!” She burst out all of a sudden. “I can’t let you spend this money on me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not may I ask?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because, I’m, I’m, I’m just me! I don’t deserve stuff like this!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who told you that?” I asked, trying to get to the roots of this issue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everybody!” She wailed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled her into a hug, and she cried into my shoulder for a couple of minutes. I gently held her close, occasionally stroking her hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen, Kaitlyn, you’ve been raised in a pretty rough place. And you’ve come out of that with some pretty negative thoughts about yourself. But now, you’re turning over a new leaf. Remember why you attacked Gretchen? You’re a person too. You deserve as much as the rest of us, you hear me? You need to carry that attitude around all the time. Be strong, and don’t let anybody ever tell you otherwise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled out of the hug and wiped her eyes. “Can I have this one?” She asked, holding up a mint coloured dress. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure bub. Any other’s you like?” I asked. She hesitantly pulled out two more dresses. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let's try them on.” I said, directing her to the changerooms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a seat and scrolled through my phone. Brendon had finished up, and had asked whether he should come back. I hesitated before answering.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She’s having a bit of trouble at the current minute. We might be a while. You can go home and relax if you want to.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, should I come and show you now?” Kaitlyn asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure Bub.” I offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door unlocked with a small click and she walked out wearing the first dress she picked up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look amazing.” I complimented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really like it. It’s pretty. It’s a bit fancy though.” She said. I was confused at first, wondering how she could consider quite a plain, short-cut dress fancy but I remembered that she was currently wearing a t-shirt and shorts that were probably years old.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it really suits you bub. Want to get changed and I’ll pay for them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm, okay.” She responded meekly. She came back out in her original clothes and the new dresses were on hangers. She followed me to the counter and winced as she saw the price that came up when the dresses were scanned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span> I scanned my card and paid for them before she could object, and we walked out of the store, bag in hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They were too expensive Sarah.” She told me nervously. “I feel bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, they were fine. Actually quite a bargain. You’re all good, and I don’t want you feeling bad. You’re a person too, remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She mumbled something that I couldn’t quite catch. “What was that bub?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing.” She piped up. I decided to not push on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well since we have some clothes, did you want to head to the salon now?” I asked, dropping the conversation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah, sure I guess.” She shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can go somewhere else if you’d like.” I offered. “I don’t mind.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know where to go, I don’t know what to do, I don’t really know anything.” She sighed. “I’ve never been in a situation quite like this before, and I’m a little bewildered, and a little unsure about how to act.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that's okay, bub. Did you want more clothes or do you want to get our hair done? I don’t want you to have a bad memory of our first day together.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She weighed up the two options. “Which one is cheaper?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, you need to stop worrying over prices. I don’t mind, and I’m sure Brendon doesn’t mind how much is spent. We just want you to be happy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve just found out that I never have to go back to that horrible group home. Today is the best day of my life already.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you don’t seem to enjoy clothes shopping as much as I do, so maybe we will try the latter. What do you think about that?” I proposed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds alright, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked past all the clothes shop and entered a small walk-in salon. The shop was relatively busy but I waited at the counter until the receptionist was back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, hey! Good to see you again! Who have you brought with you? Didn’t know you and Brendon had a little one.” The receptionist, Florence, greeted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is Kaitlyn. We are having a bit of a girls day.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, I see. Well just go through and sit down, you know how it works.” She said. I smiled at her and directed Kaitlyn to the seats positioned to the side of the store. She sat beside me on the couch nervously and twiddled with her fingers as we waited. She looked nervous as she watched all the people walking around her so I grabbed her hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” I asked, squeezing her hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah, I think so, I don’t know, maybe?” She responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me if you want to leave at any time, okay?” I asked. She nodded and went back to looking at her lap. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Next!” The stylist called. Everyone moved up one, leaving Kaitlyn and I at the front. She didn’t seem so nervous now, instead, she was looking around at the art on the walls. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah bub?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, it’s fine. Did you have fun?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it’s been great. And thanks for sticking with me, I know I can be a bit of a pain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t a pain. You are really a pleasure to be with.” I affirmed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head in disagreement. “I threw up lunch, cried, and had a freak out when you spent money on me. I wouldn’t call that a pleasure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s hardly anything to me. You haven’t been with me for very long so I don’t expect everything to fall into place at first, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I suppose. I just don’t want to mess this up, if you know what I mean. I really don’t want to be sent back to Mrs Hungin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise you right now bub, we’re never going to send you back there, ever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This place reminds me of this festival I went to when I was really young, I think with mom and dad. There were a lot of bright lights and colourful banners. We went to this art showcase that was there and a lot of these paintings are similar. It’s cool I guess.” She responded, obviously avoiding the continuation of that conversation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is a very pretty salon. The art is all done by the woman who owns the place, she really likes to paint. It’s quite cool.” I said, looking around at all the paintings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, you two ready?” The hair stylist asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and lead Kaitlyn to the chair. She sat down and got comfortable before I sat down in the chair beside her. Her little smile had vanished and had been replaced by a look of nerves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay,” I said. “I come here all the time. They do a great job.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tried to smile at me, but it came out as more of a grimace. The stylist was good to her though, talking her through the whole process, and helped to open her up to it a bit more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was still nervous no doubt, but she wasn’t as alert as before. She seemed nowhere near as deterred as she did when she first sat down. By the time we had finished, she was totally into it, and was having a great time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for taking me here Sarah.” She responded. “It’s really nice.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “I’m glad you enjoyed it. I had a great time too.” I pulled out my phone sending a quick text to Brendon. “Are you ready to see your new home?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah. It sounds awesome.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 10 - A New Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>***** Brendon’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I climbed in the car and drove to the mall, where I picked up Kaitlyn and Sarah. Both of them had their hair done up nice, and had these huge smiles on. I loved seeing the girls so happy but it was immediately replaced by sadness as I came to the conclusion that I’d never be able to make Kaitlyn smile like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They climbed into the car, with Sarah convincing me with a series of glares to move to the passenger seat. I kept my ground though, and pointed to the passenger side for her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was nice to be in control of the car as the girls told me about their shopping trip. I took the long route home, avoiding Parkinson's road, but nobody seemed to notice, so that was good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled into the driveway and Kaitlyn’s jaw dropped open. “Come on, let's get your stuff inside. Knowing Bren it's probably still in the trunk.” Sarah commented. She was right after all. I had left the stuff in there. I had forgotten about it completely. I can't even remember Kaitlyn’s stuff! God, I'm the worse father someone could ever ask for.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah. Sorry about that.” I said, hoping my miniature breakdown hadn’t been evident.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It's fine. I don't mind.” Kaitlyn shrugged. “It actually quite relieving. At least I know that it hasn't been tampered with. And I'm not saying that you would, but, well, Gretchen used to pull pranks on me all the time and now I'm really sort of protective of my stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s not worry about her or anything to do with that place, okay? You’re a Urie now! Strong and compassionate!” Sarah stated. I wasn’t sure about the strong part. I suppose she is. Sarah should take care of Kaitlyn alone. She is awesome with kids.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I suppose it would be nice to not have to think about the group home anymore.” Oh joy. And now just the phrase group home sends me into crippling guilt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” I mumbled, not loud enough for anyone to understand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was that babe?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, nothing. Don’t worry about it.” I commented, carrying her bags inside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah pushed open the door. “Welcome home Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked around in utter disbelief. “This is the fanciest place I have ever been in in my life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well get used to it, Little Urie, for this is where you shall be residing. I’ll show to your bedroom. Brendon is really proud of it.” Sarah said as she directed Kaitlyn upstairs. I decided to make myself useful and try to cook to help Sarah out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren! Get up here!” She called. I sighed and placed the frying pan down, before heading upstairs. The two girls were waiting outside the bedroom door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You designed it Bren, you should do the reveal.” Sarah said with a small smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, okay. This is your new room, I guess, Kaitlyn. Welcome?” I announced, confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pushed on the door, and opened it up for everyone to see.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn gasped as she took a step inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh gosh. You hate it. Oh man. We can change it if you want.” I stammered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Brendon, it's beautiful” she breathed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah rested her head on my shoulder as she watched Kaitlyn’s initial reaction. She grabbed my hand and whispered, “See Brendon, it’s all going to be fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn placed her bag on the bed. “This is the most amazing thing anybody has ever done for me. Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is really nothing Kaitlyn. We just wanted you to have a nice place to stay. It’s a lot brighter at day because of the sunlight through the windows but we got some bright lights in case you were like Brendon and decided you would stay up all night online.” Sarah commented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hated her bringing it up. Those nights were the worse, to the point where even blinking would cause me to see their faces again. I could never bring myself to sleep through those nights, the ones where I really felt the helplessness. The nights where I wanted nothing more to be killed for what I had done. I accidentally overdosed on one of those nights. I thought my prescribed pills would fix it and make all the pictures go away so I took them until eventually I saw nothing at all. I really scared Sarah that night. That's probably why I hate the pills so much. They seem like they don’t work but Sarah assures me they do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay, sounds good. I'm used to going to bed at 8 though, so I don't know if that will change.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“8? Isn't that a little early?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “It was a pretty strict place.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We might just have to break that routine.” Sarah joked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have a couple of routines I wouldn't mind breaking.” She said with a cheeky grin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure Bren can help with that.” Sarah countered. I felt pretty glum after this, although Sarah was joking but I tried not to show it. Today was to make sure Kaitlyn settled in fine. She didn’t know I was an emotionally unstable wreak. At least not yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I suppose we'll leave you to unpack and settle in. We're downstairs if you need us.” Sarah stated, practically dragging me away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I've messed up already, haven't I?” I asked once we got downstairs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, I think you need to chill out. She is probably getting suspicious. Every five minutes you look as if you are about to burst into tears.” Sarah admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can't help it Sarah! She just, she's just like them! And I'm doing the best I can!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon! Please, babe settle down. I know you are trying and I’m sure it’s hard. Did you take your medication this morning?” She asked, concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I went really quiet, and Sarah let out a sigh, before handing me two from their plastic and a glass of water. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need to take them. If you are like this at home, I can’t imagine how you were at therapy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not good. Sarah I'm not good anywhere. Jesus, and the kid is here now, and I can't get out of this, and God Sarah! What the hell was Damien thinking?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, settle down. Keep in mind that you yourself were in your right mind when that was written. If he knew how much this would stress you, he wouldn’t have done it. Did you tell Dr Jo about your meltdown on Parkinson’s?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” I sighed, not thinking fondly of the memory. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did she say? Did she provide some solution? An alternative? You do know that the road you took today is being closed for road work soon right?” Sarah questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was crying hysterically at the time, and I think she said something about her work being cut out for the next couple of weeks.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are we gonna do with you Brendon? You do know that if she can’t help we’ll have to find someone better. We may have to move babe. She is the best in the area and considering how often you need to go…” Sarah trailed off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm okay I think. It's just going to take time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope so Brendon. Last time you said that you had a serious breakdown, remember? I just want to know you are safe.” Sarah explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm safe.” I repeated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah wrapped me up in a hug. “At least one of us thinks so.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a minute to think about what she said. Did she not think I was safe? Did she think I was going to hurt myself? Her, Kaitlyn even? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah?” I asked nervously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” She responded, looking up at me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you trust me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I want to?” Sarah stammered nervously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked at her beautiful face, which was filled with regret. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don't trust me.” I repeated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry Brendon! I do, I really do want to but- I just- I’m so sorry.” She sobbed, cowering away from me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nobody trusts me. My god. I'm such a screw up. I can't even get trust from the people closest to me, and they expect me to raise a child?! Oh god. I'm going to die. I'm going to ruin everything. Oh god. Oh god.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon please don’t talk like that. I just-” Sarah started, growing terrified. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shoved my hands in my pockets, and walked out the door into my office, locking the door behind me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard Sarah sobbing uncontrollably through the door. “Please come out Brendon. I’m so sorry! I really am!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I need some time.” I sobbed, collapsing at the piano. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah stopped trying to talk, leaving only muffled sobs coming from outside the office. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just, just don't hurt yourself, okay?” She wept. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ll try. I-I don’t want to but-” I stammered, scared of what was becoming of me. I had found out the one person I thought trusted me with anything didn’t trust them all and she just so happened to be the one person I trusted with all of this but instead, I pushed her away, just like everyone else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She started banging on the door. “Open up Brendon! Please! I’m sorry!!!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t. I want to but I just- I just can’t.” I cried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what’s going on?!” I heard a different voice ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn. Oh, um, we’re just trying to sort something out…” Sarah stammered. Even though we’d just had a major brawl, I felt better when she said that. She was covering for me. She still cared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-am I making you guys fight?” She asked timidly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, no bub,” Sarah whispered. “Can you give us a couple of minutes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, of course. I’ll go upstairs. Uh, tell me when to come down.” She stammered, before I heard the sound of her feet running back up the stairs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, please, please, come out, I’m so sorry, and I need you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! You don’t! You’re such a better parent than I am! It would be better without me. You two, you’re perfect together. I just don’t fit in the picture.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Bren, if you don’t want to come out for me, you need to come out for her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’d be better off without me.” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You say that Bren, but on paper, she’s written down as yours. If you don’t come out, and if you don’t try to get better, then they’re going to send her back to that horrible place. It all depends on you Bren, and I’m here to help, but you need to let yourself be helped, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to be the reason everything falls apart. I don’t even know if I’ll get any better. It feels like I’ve been like this forever. You said yourself that we may have to move away because my stupid, screwed up brain. I just wish it would all go away. I wish I wasn’t around to do this to you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d take this every single day rather than live a life without you Bren. And I promise you, it’s going to get better. Do you remember Christmas? How happy we were? You were finally on top of everything, and it was wonderful. And we can get there again, I promise. We just need to keep up the medication, and keep up the therapy, and we’ll make it to the top again. With Kaitlyn in tow. She needs you Bren, and so do I.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard her body slump against the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need you Bren.” I heard her whisper. “I need you to come out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I unlocked the door with a click, and slowly opened the door. Sarah lept into my arms, wrapping me tightly into a hug, and burying her face into my shoulder as she began sobbing uncontrollably.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry too. Promise you won’t leave me? That you’ll be there, even if I fall right back to the bottom again?” I asked, seeking confirmation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise Brendon. I promise with all my heart. I’m always going to be there for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, what does Kaitlyn think?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure she’s fine, Bren. I think she thought we were fighting or something. Do you just want to go with that? We were fighting about, uh, where we were going on our next holiday? And it got too emotional?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you think that’ll work.” I said. I walked toward Sarah and probably confused her as I tried to identify the random melody that had found itself in my head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s back.” I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s back?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The music. It’s not so empty anymore. I think I can hear music again. I don’t what it is, it's sounds original. I think my musical kick is back Sarah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wrapped her arms around my neck. “That’s wonderful! I knew you’d get it back! I knew it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I deepened the hug and was crying again, but for the first time in what felt like forever, the tears were filled with pure joy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I need to make a few phone calls.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go babe, go do what you gotta do. I’m gonna go sort things out with Kaitlyn, and then we’ll go out for dinner to celebrate, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds great. I should be up there soon.” I said, grabbing my phone from my pocket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first person I called was Gerard, purely out of excitement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s back Gerard. It’s back after all this time.” I said excitedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s awesome Brendon! Have you called your producer and manager yet? I’m sure they’d be thrilled to hear the news.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t yet. I’m just about to. You are the first one I called.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel honoured.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hung up on Gerard and proceeded to tell everyone the news.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 11 - Pizza</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>*****Sarah’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked up the stairs, and knocked cautiously on Kaitlyn’s door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I come in?” I asked gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Course.” I heard her sniffle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pushed the door open, to reveal a tearful Kaitlyn sitting on the bed, all tucked up in a ball.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong bub?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “I’m messing everything up! I made you two fight! I’m so sorry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, we weren’t talking about you at all. We had a bit of an argument, and if there’s one thing both Brendon and I are passionate about, it’s holidays.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We were fighting about where we wanted to go on vacation. Sorry for scaring you bub, I know it wasn’t pretty, but it’s all over now, and we’re all okay. We’re actually celebrating, Brendon’s found his spark again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“His spark?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“His music. He’s found the music again. He’s been a real slump for a couple of years, and has had a lot of trouble, but he’s getting better, and he’s going to start making music again. And I know this might not seem like a big thing to you, but it’s huge for us. So we’re going to head out for dinner to celebrate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Do you think me saying his music was bad made it worse?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, he’s been in his slump for a long time, way before we even found out about you. I don’t think you affected it. If anything, you’ve helped him. One day, you helped him find his spark. Who knows what you’ll help him do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Were you actually fighting about holidays? It sounded a lot more serious. All I heard was that you wanted him to come out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re pretty serious about our holidays. Brendon locked himself in the office to book the one to Hawaii, and I was begging him that Tahiti is better, and that he needed to come out so we could talk more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh okay. And are you going to make me eat lots again? I don’t want to ruin your dinner.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You eat as much as you can, and then if you need, Brendon and I can split the rest of your meal, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm okay. I don’t actually like not eating much. I think because I starved myself after someone (named Gretchen) called me fat, and now I can’t handle a lot of food. It’s bad because I’m always hungry and I don’t want to be. I feel like I messed everything up when I did that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I considered for a moment. “Have you been to the doctor about this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh? No. Obviously not. Do you think Mrs Hungin would’ve done that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. She couldn’t care less to be honest. I dunno, I guess I’ve just messed myself up pretty bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well maybe we could go to the doctors. We have to make sure you’re healthy!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, maybe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I glanced at her face. “And maybe we need to see the dentist too. You can’t really go around much longer with 3 front teeth missing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not like anyone will find me pretty anyway, so who cares?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Remember what we talked about at the mall? You’re a person too. And you’re actually really pretty. So pretty you even reduced Brendon to tears.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you are the pretty one. My hair colour and eye colour looks stupid together and my body is weirdly proportioned, unlike you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled her into a hug. “Bub, you’re perfect the way you are, okay? You’re beautiful, and I promise you, that’s the way it’s always going to be. You’re a lot like Brendon. You take things people say to heart. I swear, every other night he is talking about how much he hates the way he looks even though he knows how amazing he is.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I mean, I’ve never had anyone around to tell me anything other than what Gretchen used to taunt me with. Oh god. I have to face her tomorrow at school. Oh jeez. That’s not good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry. You aren’t going to school tomorrow. We have meetings with other schools to find a nice one for you. And I like your chances, considering your report card. You’re a smart cookie bub.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not smart enough though. I’m too stupid to get all A's.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re taking 8 subjects, and you’re gettings A’s in 6 of them, and B’s in the other two. That’s pretty damn smart bub. And considering that you’re in a much better environment now, I bet that you’re going to absolutely smash it out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if the school’s won't accept me? What will we do then?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll sort something out, I promise.” I vowed, wrapping Kaitlyn in a hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon joined us in the room after he finished his calls. “What are we talking about ladies?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Possible schools for Kaitlyn.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, cool. Where do you guys want to go for dinner?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um. I saw a pizza place before. I haven’t had pizza in a long time. Maybe we could go there?” She suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pizza sounds good.” Brendon replied, looking at me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pizza it is!” I said, walking out of the bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The other two followed eagerly behind as I grabbed the keys and headed out the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everybody in!” I exclaimed. Both Brendon and Kaitlyn filed into the car, Brendon with slight hesitation and we headed to aforementioned pizza place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The drive was short, and we didn’t have to take Parkinson’s road, so everybody was happy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We all sat around the table, with Brendon telling Kaitlyn stories about her parents and me just tuning in, interjecting when I can. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We bought the pizza buffet, so it was easy to just go up and grab some. I could tell Brendon was happy, he ate 6 slices. I had three, and Kaitlyn only had half. But still, it was the most she had eaten all day, so I guess I was satisfied. I made a mental note to call the doctor. And the dentist for that matter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon?” Kaitlyn asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” He answered mindlessly with a mouthful of pizza.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you just got your musical kick back, why were you going to see your manager when went shopping?” She asked, curiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh-” He started, taking a big gulp and looking toward me. His happy persona had faded leaving him scared and exposed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There was a problem with a social media account.” I blurted out, “It’d been hacked.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, uh okay then, but did they really need Brendon there? It just seems unnecessary, that's all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’d be surprised how much they need me there.” Brendon shrugged. “Because it’s my image and stuff, so they’re always calling me about this kind of stuff. Plus they want me to go to an interview on Tuesday afternoon as well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tuesday was Brendon’s next appointment. I smiled encouragingly and squeezed his hand under the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay then. I guess that makes sense.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon looked down at her plate. “Is that all you ate? Half a slice?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” She replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you eat the rest of that one?” Brendon asked. “Just so you’ve eaten something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nudged him under the table, but he didn’t move.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I want to, I, um, I don’t want to be sick again.” She said uncomfortably.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not going to get sick from one slice of pizza. I’ve eaten 6.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, I don’t want to do this.” She whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nudged Brendon harder, making him look at me. I gave him a firm glance, but he didn’t change his stance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eat, Kaitlyn.” He encouraged, trying not to sound mean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I want too. But I j-just can’t. I’m sorry.” She stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you can.” Brendon said, trying to remain calm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I’m not going to let her starve herself, Sarah.” He responded, becoming less patient.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I then heard weak sobs coming from across the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh come on, this isn’t worth crying over! It’s half a slice of pizza for god’s sakes!” Brendon snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, calm down.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn looked at me wide-eyed and scared. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay bub. Don’t worry.” I said, looking back at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s not okay.” Brendon said. “We’re not leaving until she finishes that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon! For the love of god, the girl’s going to be sick! Step off your power course for a minute and help her!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s not going to be sick… is she?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We both turned to face Kaitlyn, who indeed had gone rather pale.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bathrooms are over there.” I sighed, gesturing to the corner of the restaurant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn rushed over to the bathrooms, leaving Brendon and I at the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong with her? Is she sick or something?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think the problem lies deeper than that Bren, she did the same thing at lunch, although she did try and convince me not to give her anything beforehand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what are you trying to say?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to make her a doctor’s appointment.” I explained. “Just to see if there’s anything seriously wrong. She did tell me that for a while that horrible roommate of hers would bully her about her weight, so I’m thinking something might have stemmed from that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t think she’s…” Brendon trailed off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Maybe.” I said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon threw his head into his hands. “I hope not. Oh, god I’m so horrible! I’ve been forcing her an-” He rushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, we don’t know for sure yet okay?” I tried to comfort him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn came back out and sat down silently. She observed Brendon and his odd behaviour. She pointed at him, as if to ask what was up and I merely shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry guys.” She whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, it’s fine bub. Ready to head home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Yeah, that sounds nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon pulled money out of his wallet and rested it on the table. “Let’s go.” He said, sounding distressed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn noticed. “Brendon, I’m really sorry, I really didn’t mean it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, I guess.” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We drove home in bitter silence. Kaitlyn, worrying about whether Brendon was mad at her, Brendon freaking out that he’d messed Kaitlyn up, and me, worrying about the two of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as we got home, Brendon headed straight to our bedroom and Kaitlyn began making her way to hers. “Kaitlyn, come here.” I called. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She paused halfway up the stairs and looked back down at me, a glimmer of worry in her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, you aren’t in trouble or anything. I just want to talk.” I explained, hoping to clear some of the worry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nervously walked back down and I gestured for her to sit next to me at the table. She sat down, fiddling with her fingers, and glanced up at me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay, bub? I know Brendon is a bit shaken at the moment.” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked away from me and back at her lap. “I don’t know, to be honest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know why you say that, bub?” I questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything’s a bit overwhelming. I mean, I’m super happy because I got to move here today, and I had a great time shopping, but I’m also kinda freaking out because of Brendon and how I keep messing everything up and it’s all really confusing and I’m not understanding any of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bub, Brendon is a bit of an odd one but I promise he loves you more than anything, and you aren’t messing anything up at all. We don’t mind that maybe you have some, well, quirks, that need to be sorted out but we can work through that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She figitted with her fingers. “I dunno, maybe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come here.” I directed, bringing her in for a hug. “You are probably the best thing that has happened to Brendon and I. You already helped him reboot his passions. Don’t ever think you are a pain, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She mumbled something that she didn’t mean for me to catch, but I did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I’m a pain, I know I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And who put that idea in your head? I think that’s a bunch of lies.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Two guesses, and I think you’ll get both of them correct.” She muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, when have either of them done any good? If I can tell you one thing, it's to not trust people who you know do no good.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Yeah, maybe, but you need to remember, they’re all I’ve ever really known. And now you and Bren are telling me that it’s all wrong, but I don’t know anything else! I never have!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wrapped her in another hug. “You poor kid. That place has chewed you up and spat you out. But I promise you, we’ll sort it out, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t even feel like I belong here. You and Brendon must’ve worked so hard  for all of this and I've done nothing at all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re 14 Kaitlyn, we’re not expecting you to have done something amazing. And, the fact is, we want you to feel like you belong here, because you really do. So what do you want me to do to make you feel more at home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m not sure. I mean, I’m not even part of this family really. Like you and Brendon fit together perfectly. I just feel like I’m not part of this whole situation.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are bub, I promise. The feeling will come with time, after all, you only just got here. Want to go and watch some TV before bed?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She yawned. “What’s the time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I glanced at the clock on the wall “8:30”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes grew wide. “Oh crap, I gotta get to bed! And I better be asleep before the spot checks, oh god.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, there’s no spot checks. You’re fine. You don’t have to go to bed yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Oh, Sarah. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, I just, that's just normal. I don’t know. My mind is too screwed up for even me to understand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine Kaitlyn. How about you stay up till 9? Does that sound alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As long as you’re with with me. I don’t like being alone.” She requested. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled. “Of course. Come on, let’s go to the lounge room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She followed me into the lounge room and sat upright on the sofa. “You can lay down, bub. Get comfortable while I find a movie.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I searched our pile of movies, trying to find something interesting. “What movies do you like Kaitlyn?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I’m the person who hasn’t seen anything or done anything. Pick something you’ll like, because I honestly have no idea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm. How about The Martian? That’s not too bad.” I suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, sounds good.” She shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want a blanket? Some popcorn perhaps?” I asked, pulling some warm, fluffy blankets from the linen cupboard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, it’s okay, not if it’s any trouble.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I threw her a blanket anyway. “I’m going to make some popcorn. You want me to make some extra?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I don’t want a repeat of what happened at dinner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Just go and get comfy. I’ll be back.” I flicked off the lights and heard a whimper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you turn the lights back on?” Kaitlyn asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I flicked the switch again. “Not a fan of the dark?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, not really. I know, it’s pathetic and I should just get over it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s really not. Brendon’s the exact same.” I assured her. “I’ll be back in a moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I returned, only this time with a bowl of popcorn and a few drinks. “I wasn’t sure about how you are with drinks but I got you one anyway.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I don’t know, I guess I’m fine. The only thing I’ve ever really had to drink over the past couple of years has been water, so, I don’t really have a clue.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well look, I’ll get a bucket so that if you are going to be sick, you don’t worry about having to race to the bathroom.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her face went tomato red. “Oh, you don’t have to do that, you just drink the drinks. I’ll just have water.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, it’s probably better if we sort these things out earlier rather than later. Just take a sip.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn slowly untwisted the cap on the bottle of soda. “I dunno Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be fine bub.” I promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took a small sip and swallowed it down, even though it was obvious she was disgusted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got it down.” she said, forcing a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. I won’t make you drink anymore though. You don’t seem to enjoy it very much.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She handed me back the bottle. “Yeah, it’s not really my thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you like any other drinks other than water?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t tried much. I vaguely remember enjoying fruit juice. And on special occasions, sometimes I would have some tea, which I quite enjoyed. Although I haven’t had either in a very long time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tea and juice huh bub? All good. We’ll have to do the groceries soon anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really don’t have to get anything. I was simply answering your question.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s your house too now, and I think it would be better if it contained things you like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really don’t wish to be a bother. It would be a lot more efficient for me to  just eat whatever you already eat instead of changing your shopping list.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want you getting sick, or starving yourself because you don’t like the food. We need to accommodate your needs too. As I said, you are a person and what you want matters too, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn sighed. “Can we just start the movie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, but we still are going to talk about this stuff tomorrow.” I affirmed. “And Brendon will be there too.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn rolled her eyes. “ And please refrain from using that attitude.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her cheeks went red. “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, just be careful in future.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I turned the movie on and sat down on the other end of the couch, laying down as well. The movie was good, and Kaitlyn seemed to enjoy it. I looked over to Kaitlyn who was lying there, droopy-eyed and yawning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it’s time for bed, bub.”  I commented</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the time?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I glanced down at my watch. “Uh, 9:45.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes burst open, almost with panic. “Uh, yeah, I should’ve been asleep hours ago! Oh man. Goodnight Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And with that, she lept up from her seat and dashed up the stairs before I could even get a word in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head, chuckling and headed upstairs to the bedroom. I thought it would be quiet, like it always tends to be, but instead I heard some quiet sobs coming from inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pushed the door open slowly, seeing Brendon sitting on the end of the bed, his favourite picture of Damien and Lydia in his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Bren, what have you done?” I asked, sitting down next to him and pulling the frame from his grip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-” He stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled his head onto my shoulder and lightly stroked his hair. “Let it out. Tell me what’s happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“ I-It’s just that, it’s just the stupid medication. That’s all.”  He said, obviously lying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it’s more than that Bren, come on, I’m here to listen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She hasn’t even been here a day…” he mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She hasn’t even been here for a whole day and I’ve messed it up already!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you haven’t messed anything up babe. This is new to you, to both of us. You are doing a great job Brendon. I don’t know how you don’t see it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She just got here and she’s already developed some sort of eating problem!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That wasn’t you Bren, and besides, we don’t know anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And besides, I keep snapping at her for some reason. I can’t do anything right.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re doing so many things right, you can’t even imagine how many.” I promised him. “You took her in, you care about her, you’re making music again, you’ve been seeing your friends again, and you’ve gotten back into therapy. Bren, you’re doing a wonderful job.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I shouldn’t need therapy, hell, I shouldn’t need drugs to make me a good father! I’m hopeless!”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Bren, you’re not.” I assured him. “There is no such thing as the perfect parent. You’re doing a great job.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to stop the therapy. I don’t want to go anymore.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just because you don’t want something, doesn’t mean you don’t need it Bren. You’ve got to keep going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was trying to convince me I didn’t kill them. She was trying to tell me I was innocent. She was lying to me Sarah! Just like when I first went and she said I would get better!”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I just let out a big sigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you’ve got to stop lying to yourself, Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why was I the one driving? Why the hell did I survive?”  He sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I just hugged him tight, and let him cry onto my shoulder for a good half hour. I felt awful for him. He was so broken, so destroyed by that single event, and now it’s ruining everything for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We gotta get to sleep babe.” I whispered. “Kaitlyn’s sleeping.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if I can. I might move into the office so you can sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “No. We gotta get to the appointments tomorrow, and you need to look well-rested. I’ll be right here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But Sarah, I don’t want to keep you awake. You should be worrying about you getting rest, not me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can sleep through anything Bren, you know that. Come on, lie down with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But Sarah-” He started. “I am seeing them again, when I shut my eyes. It's terrifying. I just wish I could block it all out. I don’t want you waking up to me screaming, or Kaitlyn for that matter.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, how about let’s try this. Lie on your side, okay? Yep, like that. Focus on my face. Just my face.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Brendon’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I did as she said, and we lay there, looking into each other’s eyes. Eventually Sarah fell asleep, but I kept focusing on her. Just on her, as she told me to. That way I wasn’t seeing anything else. Just her beautiful, beautiful face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And sure enough, in time, I fell asleep too.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 12 - Finding a Future (In Education)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“You look tired this morning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn yawned again. “Yeah, I guess I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Couldn’t you sleep?” Sarah asked. “Did we pick the wrong mattress?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no, the mattress is the softest and most beautiful one I’ve ever slept on. It was just the first time in many, many years that I’ve slept without anyone else in the room, and the silence sort of kept me awake, if you know what I mean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, well you should have told us! Maybe you can listen to music or something until you get used to it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Yeah, maybe, I don’t really have anything that makes music though. I’m fine, I’m sure it will just take a couple of days.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can fix that. What music do you like anyway?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “The only stuff I know are Gretchen’s awf- awesome CD’s I guess. Haven’t really listened to much other than that, oh and the 60’s music my art teacher would play in class sometimes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We aren’t forcing you to listen to Brendon’s music. If you don’t like it, fine. Have you heard anything on the radio lately?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I butted in. “I’ve got a CD I want you to listen to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn looked up at me. “Uh, okay, sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked her to my office and opened the safe, before nervously placing the disk in her hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take care of it, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s the singer?” She asked, noticing the plain white CD backing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “Your father.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her entire facial expression changed, and she held the CD like it was pure gold. “Wow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. He gave me a copy. I think the only other copy of the CD is in that storage locker.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Storage locker?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When they died, I was in charge of putting their most valuable possessions in a storage locker, for you I suppose. You get the keys when you’re eighteen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, do you have a CD player I can use?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pointed to the stereo on the wall, and she nervously put it in, before pushing play.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sat in front of the stereo, just listening for awhile before I saw a tear stream down her face. She got up and turned it off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, I can’t do this.” She whispered, another tear flowing down her face. “It sounds, it sounds too familiar, yet too distant, and it’s scaring me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah appeared at the doorway. “A bit much?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn nodded tearfully, and Sarah wrapped her in a hug, quietly soothing the young girl’s tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It sounds so, pretty?” She commented, wiping away the tears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He actually was preparing all these songs to release an album. He was going to dedicate it to you. I always wanted to finish it but it always felt wrong.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn was silent as she took the information in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t know he was a musician. I thought he was an accountant.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was afraid. He never loved </span>
  <em>
    <span>his</span>
  </em>
  <span> music. He thought it was terrible. He wasn’t even sure he wanted you to ever hear it until up to his last few days. He studied accounting alongside music because he never saw his career taking off. Plus, he was under a lot of family pressure. He was one of, if not the smartest person in our grade. His mother had all these expectations for him to go to medical school and become a doctor. He did accounting to keep her happy, and did music for himself. It’s funny really, if it wasn’t for your grandma, he probably would’ve been in Panic! At The Disco.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m still sorry for what I said about your music. I miss him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I miss him too.” I breathed. “The comment is fine. I’ve put it behind me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I kind of want to learn music.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “Maybe start with getting to know some. Find a genre you really like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Yeah, okay. And learning to read sheet music. That’s a thing, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Yeah, that’s sorta required.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I probably should know this stuff already.” She stated, embarrassed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s fine. You’ve got to learn somewhere. I had the advantage of growing up in a really music household, with really musical friends too. You didn’t have that, but that’s okay. We’ll start at the basics, and work our way up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We really should get back to breakfast guys.” Sarah butted in. “Can we talk about this over food?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah sure.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah, Kaitlyn and I all sat down at the table. Glancing over at Kaitlyn, I noticed Sarah had given her much less than us. I didn’t say anything but it still bothered me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So where are we going first Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She picked up a piece of paper. “We’re out all day. At 8 we have to be at the first school option, 10 the next one, and then at 12, the dentist. After that, it’s to the final school option at 3, and then finally the doctor at 5. Sound good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds busy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep. Extremely.” Sarah nodded, sitting down next to me. “So we’ve got to get ready quickly. We only have 40 minutes until we have to be at the first appointment. Bren, and Kaitlyn for that matter, please be on your best behavior.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” I responded sarcastically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave me a firm look and squeezed my hand under the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” I followed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. Now, everybody, we’re wearing nice clothes, nothing with horrible sayings on them or something, and nothing that’s been handed down to you. We’re looking neat, clean and presentable, hear me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn and I both nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, one of the dresses from yesterday?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The one with the flowers, to be specific.” Sarah commented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn nodded and went back to pushing the cereal around in her bowl without actually eating any of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you actually eaten something today Kaitlyn?” Sarah asked. “The doctors usually prefer that. We also mightn’t have time for lunch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah, I ate.” Kaitlyn lied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, well if you are full, take your plate to the kitchen and get dressed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded, and quickly washed it up completely. Sarah made a face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can just put it in the dishwasher, you know that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The dishwasher?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. The big grey thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ohhh, okay. Never used one of these. Do I just wash it and put it in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, rinse it, then put it in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it’s still dirty then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s called a dishWASHER for a reason, it cleans it for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, that makes sense. Like this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep, perfect.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And then do I do something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, we’ll put ours in when we’re done. You should go get ready.” Sarah said, getting a little restless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Thanks for showing me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t until Kaitlyn had gotten all the way up the stairs that she let out a huge sigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That place, where she lived, with every sentence she says I swear, more horrible truths about that place come out. I’m so glad we decided to take her in babe, she’s going to live a much better life here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t answer, I was too busy thinking about that album, and how Kaitlyn wanted to learn music.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should I send her to lessons or teach her myself?” I wondered out loud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah blinked. “Uh, music wise? I don’t know. You could totally teach her Bren, you’re a professional musician. Oh! And it would be such good bonding for the two of you! Yes! That sounds wonderful!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I mean, I’d have to reperfect everything. It's still a bit foggy.” I mentioned. “It would be nice to be a bit closer with Kaitlyn. I still feel like an intrusive stranger.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think bonding would really help both of you.” Sarah nodded. “The only way you’re doing that currently is by sharing stories of her parents, and that’s making both of you incredibly sad. I think this would be really good for you two. Especially you Bren, it’s going to be awesome to see you back at it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to get ready. I’ll be back soon okay Sarah?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll come with you. I have to get ready as well.” Sarah said, putting both our plates in the dishwasher, and turning it on. We both walked up the stairs to get ready.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I had selected a blue and green checked button-down shirt, with a nice pair of jeans and some sneakers. Nothing too fancy, but still neat and presentable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We all regrouped in the lounge room, barely on top of the schedule.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good job team! Fit the brief perfectly!” Sarah complimented. “You both look beautiful. Now come on, we can’t be late.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We all filed into the car, Sarah taking the wheel and we headed to the first school. Kaitlyn appeared to be pretty anxious at the back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay back there Kaitlyn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was tapping repetitively on the plastic below the window.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah, I think so.” She mumbled, not really paying attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be nervous bub, just be yourself and you’ll do great!” Sarah encouraged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what if they think I’m dangerous or something?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’d you think that?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did sort of attack Gretchen a couple of days ago. Is that on my record?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t think so bub. Stop stressing! You’ll be fine!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s easy for you to say.” She mumbled, turning her attention back out the window.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unless, have you had any other, outbursts, I guess?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I think I may have slapped a girl in 3rd grade.” She muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there a reason you act so, violent?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She frowned. “To be honest, she had just punched me in stomach and put glue in my hair.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you probably hate me asking this, but are you commonly violent? Is that how you solve things?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really. I try to use words, and avoid conflict altogether I suppose, but when you share a house with 12 teenage girls, it’s hard to avoid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just wanting to make sure. As long as you understand that violence isn’t reasonable. I know this may seem drastic but violence isn’t tolerated at all in this house. Any violence leads to a month long grounding, no matter the severity.” Sarah explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, sounds reasonable. I’m not going out looking to get in fights and such, just so you know. I try to be a generally calm person.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I also personally don’t cater well to swearing. Brendon is probably more lenient.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not a swearer, you don’t have to worry about that.” She promised us.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have any more rules you would like to contribute, Brendon?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess, just don’t joke about mental health and depression and such.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s horrible!” Kaitlyn exclaimed. “I won’t be doing ANY of that, don’t worry”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I still was unsure, not fully trusting her just yet. So many people said the same thing and so many of them betrayed my trust. She probably doesn’t even understand why I would bring that up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I put a rule down?” She asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure. Go ahead, bub.” Sarah affirmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, can we make it so that you don’t make me eat when I’m full?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a moment of silence in the car as Sarah and I tried to figure out how to respond to that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll discuss that based on what the doctor says.” Sarah said finally.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well we’re here.” I announced. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All the colour drained from Kaitlyn’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I can do this.” She whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, bub. We are barely on time as it is.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gripped the side of the door and took a deep breath. “I’m going to fail, I know it. There’s no point to this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, what’s the worst they can say?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely not because I’m a freaky weirdo who not only can’t eat more than a couple of bites of something, but also who can’t do well at any classes.” She stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed and opened her door. “Let’s go bub, you can’t make these assumptions just yet. You haven’t even set foot inside yet. And like I said last night, you’re doing a great job at school!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are we even trialling for all of these prestigious academies anyway? You can just keep me in the same school. I just have to suck it up.” She proposed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “It’s just a long way from home, and it’s hard to get there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if I’m up early, and can get to the home in the mornings, I can catch the bus?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah just sighed. “The current school you’re at is… not a good one. It’s in a bad neighborhood, has low levels of well-performing students, and quite frankly, I’d rather put you somewhere where I know you’ll be better off. You yourself said that you didn’t have any friends, and were bullied at that school. This one will be better for you, and the other two are even better than this one. We just have to get through these short interviews first, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This place looks like the tuition costs a lot Sarah. I don’t want you to spend all this money and be disappointed if I don’t improve.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remember what I told you about prices yesterday at the mall?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But this is different! This isn’t a couple of dresses! This is paying a hell of a lot for me to go here, and I’ll probably just waste your money, never go to college, and I’ll never be able to pay you back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, I don’t mind if you don’t go to college. I don’t mind if you can’t pay me back, I don’t even mind if your grades don’t improve at all, or even if they drop. Brendon and I both want you to be safe and we feel like you going to a new school will do that.” Sarah assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She squeezed her hands for a moment. “I’m just scared that this won’t work out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. This is why we booked multiple interviews bub.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We really need to head in, we’re late guys.” I butted in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah held Kaitlyn’s hand as we walked in. The students were well presented, all prim and proper and although we had dressed up, I still felt underdressed. I stayed awkwardly close to Sarah as we walked to the office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The receptionist was nice enough, and gave us a clipboard with some paperwork. It did get awkward at a point, putting my name under ‘father’ and Sarah’s under ‘mother’. But I filled it out, and soon enough, we were called in for the interview.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The room was nice, with 2 couches, and pictures of the school lining the walls. I handed the clipboard over, and we sat down, with Kaitlyn sitting between Sarah and I. The two men interviewing us must’ve been pretty high up in the school hierarchy, but they were both smiling in an effort to make us feel welcome. They must’ve noticed the large amount of nerves coming from two of three members of our party.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, Mr and Mrs Urie, I believe this is your daughter, Kaitlyn, was it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn nodded. “Yes, that’s my name.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, very good. It seems that Kaitlyn does very well academically, there just appears to be a few behavioural issues we need to address.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn began shifting uncomfortably in her seat, obviously not happy with the topic of conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” Sarah began. “Kaitlyn, um, has only recently come into our care, and previously she has had some behavioural issues due to her home environment, but now that she is in a much better environment, she should make some drastic improvements.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it appears the most drastic of occurrences arose only recently. Many children will have small anger outbursts but it appears Kaitlyn has well outgrown this habit. Have you considered getting her checked for possible anger issues? We fear that she may pose a threat to our students.” They continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn appeared to get more and more nervous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She is not a violent child, I assure you.” Sarah calmly said. “The recent issue actually happened several days before she came into our care, and she has learnt her lesson thoroughly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two men whispered to each other for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘We believe that it would be beneficial to both parties to have her tested anyhow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn was trembling. “I knew this would happen.” She whispered to me and Sarah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re doing fine bub. Breathe.” Sarah whispered back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I assure you sir, Kaitlyn is one of the most placid children I’ve ever met.” I tried to add.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One of the men scoffed. “Her record clearly states. 2 physical attacks on other students.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise I’m not violent.” a voice beside me whispered cautiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well look, we can’t cater to a student who could pose a threat to others and isn’t getting treatment to aid in discontinuing this behaviour.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah bit her lip as she tried to come up with something. “We’re actually, uh, heading to the doctor today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well we will happily continue this interview at a later date. You are dismissed.” One of them dictated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We all walked out of the office, Kaitlyn with her head hung low and Sarah with her hand on her back, trying to comfort her. I trailed behind, not sure what to do or say to aid in this situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We reached the car, and Kaitlyn just lost it. She burst into tears, and Sarah wrapped her in a tight hug. A lot of what she said was muffled, but I could make out a couple of words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I knew this would happen’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Nobody is ever going to want me’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I’m too messed up’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I’m so sorry’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bub, bub, it's okay. Look at me.” Sarah directed. “It’s not your fault those men are rude and stuck up, okay? We will find a school for you, trust me. And you aren’t messed up at all. You admitted to doing these things yes, but you also admitted you try to be calm. Worst comes to worst, we try to sort out the anger situation, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t have anger issues! I promise!’ She tried to defend without sounding angry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t either. If we need to, we can get a therapist to prove so. We can get them to provide a statement that proves you don’t.” Sarah said, tightening the hug as much as she could. I stood there awkwardly, not really knowing how to weigh in on the situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “When’s the next appointment?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah looked down at her watch. “We’re actually done a lot earlier than I thought, so do you want to go to a cafe and get a milkshake or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess that’d be nice.” She replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We all got into the car once more, Kaitlyn still puffy-eyed and Sarah still in disbelief. I felt guilty, as if I should be angered or upset but I didn’t. I just cowered in my seat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I drove to the nearby cafe and we grabbed a table, before ordering. Sarah ordered a cappuccino, like always, and I ordered a chocolate milkshake. Kaitlyn just ordered a cup of tea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to do anymore school interviews.” Kaitlyn sighed once we’d placed the order.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t particularly want to either, but I promise it will all be worth it.” Sarah assured. “Right, Brendon?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I snapped out of my daze when I heard my name. “Uh, yeah.” I replied. Sarah sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise you bub, we’ll find you a great school.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But, do I really have to go to these interviews? That last one, the men already seemed to hate me. And besides, maybe I’m just not fit for these fancy schools.” She retaliated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve got your father’s brain.” I said. “You’re smart. And being at that dump that they have loosely labelled a ‘school’ is really not going to help you reach that potential. Someone of half your smarts deserves to be a better school than the one you’re at now, and you deserve to be at the best one we can find.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The waitress came with our drinks, accidentally mistaking who they were for, handing me the tea and Kaitlyn the milkshake. She gave me a weird glance as I began slurping loudly on the chocolate beverage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think the kids, the ones at these fancier schools, will be snobbier and mean? Like, I’m not pretty, I’m not even half as smart as them probably and my real parents are dead. I’m like the world’s easiest target.” She questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah rubbed her eyes. “I think you’re going to be fine bub. You’re extremely bright, and I think the kids will be better than the hooligans at your school. And I suppose this brings up that conversation from last night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn cringed. “Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What conversation?” I asked, curious of what I had missed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re with me on the fact that she deserves to have some things that she likes on the shopping list, right?” Sarah asked me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course! You can add whatever you want on there Katie. And if you want candy or something, keep in mind that Sarah will probably only buy it in moderation. I learnt that lesson the hard way.” I commented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I’ve ever even had candy to be honest.” She said sheepishly. “So at least you don’t have to worry about that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will most definitely have to corrupt you then. Twizzlers are absolutely the best source of concentration. It beats gum for studying purposes. I conducted studies and everything.” I joked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve gotten into the habit of biting the end of the pencil while studying.” Kaitlyn shrugged. “Nobody wants to borrow my pencils anymore. And that’s good in a way, that way nobody would steal them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m pretty sure you won’t have to compete for pencils anymore. And besides, you need to protect the pencils!” Sarah joked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had to protect them with my life.” Kaitlyn explained. “If we lost or damaged the ones we got at the start of the year, we wouldn’t get any more until the next year.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we’ll have to make sure you are well equipped for school. It’s better to be over-prepared than unready.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn blushed. “I suppose it would be nice not to have to use one book for 8 subjects because your roommate stole the other 7 to use as sketchbooks and you weren’t allowed any more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah looked down at the watch. “Well we should probably get going to make sure we aren’t late.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What appointment is next?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah checked her phone. “Another school, then the dentist, then the school, and finally the doctor.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She frowned as I slurped the milkshake loudly. “Do you really have to do that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I flashed her a grin. “How else am I supposed to enjoy it then?” Sarah sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do we really have to go to this school interview?” Kaitlyn asked, interrupting the conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Kaitlyn, we do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her frown grew gloomier. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perk up.” I tried to say. “I’ll take you after to get some candy.” Sarah glared at me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if the same thing happens? What if all these interviews end the same way?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not giving up bub, and neither are you. We’ll find you a good school, no matter how long it takes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s no way they’ll accept me. They probably think I’m crazy too!” Kaitlyn combated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not crazy, and I promise, if they can’t see that for themselves, then we’ll get a specialist’s letter to prove it, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She lightly nodded, getting up from her seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah paid, and we all climbed back in the car, heading off to the next school. This one seemed nicer than the last, however we couldn’t seem to find a map.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, um, let’s try this way.” Sarah suggested, walking down one corridor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We were probably walking around aimlessly for 15 minutes, before a girl around Kaitlyn’s age approached us.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me, but are you lost?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m afraid we are.” Sarah chuckled awkwardly. “Would you happen to know where the office is?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, of course. The office is just on the right corridor. If you turn at the next hallway on the left side, you should get to the right side of the school. The office has a sign in front of it, you should find it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you so much, we would’ve never found it. What was your name?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, It’s Byllie. And don’t worry, it’s truly my pleasure. Good luck!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We hurried down to the office, and only just made it on time. Sarah did the paperwork this time, and within a few minutes we were welcomed in for an interview.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello!” A woman introduced brightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah matched her demeanor. “Hi!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, make yourselves comfortable while I look through this paperwork.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like this place better already.” I whispered to Sarah and Kaitlyn. “Much better than that other one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you just come from another interview?” The woman asked, having overheard my comment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah,” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was it that one on Charchville road?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “How’d you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re all looking extremely glum, and I can tell Kaitlyn’s nervous. Don’t worry about what they say, we have so many students who have come here after being, well, pretty much traumatized at that place. They’re rather cruel to their students their, putting far too much pressure on them. Plus, I hear their interviews are pretty harsh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “They didn’t really make us feel welcome at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well hopefully this interview fares much better.” She commented. “It seems Kaitlyn is a very bright child, though it seems she hasn’t been in a school that allows her to, well, flourish.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I agree completely.” Sarah said, nudging Kaitlyn slightly with her elbow. “We’re looking to move her to a much more positive environment with better care.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well hopefully we can provide that. Was there a particular point in her schooling that possibly lead you to seek out new options?” She asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, yes I suppose. Kaitlyn has only recently come into our care, and after being horrendously bullied at her current school and the place she used to live, I suppose we’re looking to help her turn over a new leaf.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well it seems you two are doing a delightful job as parents. Many parents look to us after expulsion and use us as a correctional facility, which is why I guess we are deemed a tough school to get into because of the people we were turning down. In good news, we were actually looking to give Kaitlyn a scholarship to transfer to this school at the end of this year, so we would happily accept you into the program.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Scholarship? Scholarship! That’s wonderful!” Sarah bubbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, it helps to cater to some of the tuition fees. She isn’t restricted at all and still has full access to all of our external programs, including art, music, sport and such. Very few students are actually applicable but with the promise of paying for the tuition, parents often happily transfer.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re in!” Sarah smiled, bursting with excitement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am delighted to hear. Welcome to Westmin Academy Kaitlyn! It will be a pleasure teaching you, I’m sure. If you have time, you should be able to meet with some of the teachers that are currently free. Also, here is a bit of information about the school. And a subject selection form for next year.” She said, handing us a small bundle of booklets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you so much!” Sarah said with the biggest grin on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem! Hopefully we’ll see you soon Kaitlyn.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh definitely.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We exited the room, and another staff member took us through to a staffroom. Kaitlyn and Sarah were all chatting to the teachers, while I stood at the snack rack with a maths teacher and ‘borrowed’ one of the staff donuts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, come over here!” Sarah called.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I swallowed the remaining donut nervously and walked over to the group conversation. Both the girls were smiling, so I figured that had to be a good thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why hello there!” One of the staff members greeted. “Are you Kaitlyn’s father?” She questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, sort of?” I answered nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Well, it’s nice to meet you. I am Ms Masson. I teach junior maths.”  She introduced herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m Brendon, Brendon Urie.” I introduced back, not sure what to say. “Nice to meet you also.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So Kaitlyn, how do you think you fair up in maths?” She asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pretty terribly.” Kaitlyn sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nudged her slightly. “She’s pulling a B+ currently. She’s doing reasonably well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, it’s bad.” Kaitlyn mumbled, looking at the teacher. “You probably are used to all A students.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not actually.” The teacher said. “You’ll probably be one of the brightest in the class.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn began sprouting a little smile, although she tried to hide it. “I just don’t understand Algebra whatsoever. I think that’s my biggest downside.” Kaitlyn explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fine, if you’re struggling I can always help you out at lunchtimes or after school someday. Many of my students come for extra help, and I’m always happy to help out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I’d like that.” Kaitlyn replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another teacher then entered the staffroom. “Who’s this?” She asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is Kaitlyn. She’ll be starting next semester.” Mrs Masson explained. “Scholarship too. This kid is extremely smart.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn blushed and looked down at her shoes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you are the smart cookie that Mrs Adamson has been fussing over for years. Nice to see you’ve joined us.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For years?” Kaitlyn inquired.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. We tend to keep tabs on some of the smarter children in the area. She was very disappointed that you didn’t join us at the beginning of your high school career. We did sent an invitation for an interview to your home at the time, however that was never responded to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course it wasn’t.” Kaitlyn grumbled. “If Gretchen had gotten one, I swear, she’d be all over it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gretchen? Is that your sister?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, erm, I lived in a group home. Gretchen was the owner’s favourite kid, she treated me more like the runt.” Kaitlyn said awkwardly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s horrible! Hopefully Mrs and Mr Urie treat you significantly better. Is that why you never attended the academy?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I guess. She never liked me, liked to give me all the chores and such. Brendon and Sarah have been infinitely times better already, even though I only arrived a couple of days ago.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I blushed, as did Sarah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m glad to hear that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What subject do you teach?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, did I not introduce myself? I’m so sorry. I’m Mrs Overhill and I’m a science teacher.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well it’s delightful to meet you. I am Sarah and this is my husband, Brendon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Urie?” She questioned, looking me over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yes. That’s us.” Sarah responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Big fan of the music.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Well thank you. I’m trying to make new stuff now.” I continued. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So exciting for you! Can’t wait to hear it. But I suppose this meeting is about Kaitlyn. Are you interested in any of the sciences?” Mrs Overhill asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, yeah? I guess?” She responded nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you taking any currently?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn nodded. “Physics, Chemistry and Biology.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And getting A’s” Sarah butted in, causing Kaitlyn to grow as red as a tomato.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s amazing! Many children tend to disregard science but it seems I may have a student genuinely interested!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah, I just, yeah.” Kaitlyn stammered awkwardly. “It’s logical, I suppose. I’m not a very creative person.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fine. Maybe you can develop some creativity while you are here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, maybe.” She muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We stayed and talked to a couple more teachers for a while, and they all seemed lovely, and I was quite happy to send Kaitlyn this school. Sarah cancelled the final appointment, telling me that it was a last resort if we couldn’t find anything better. And this place seemed much better. Finally, she moved the doctor’s appointment to fit that time slot, so we could get home sooner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We thanked the school for their time, and Sarah practically skipped back to the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you bub! I told you that we’d find you a school! This one is amazing! And you and that big brain of yours got a scholarship!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is pretty cool. I’m still surprised at the whole scholarship thing.” Kaitlyn replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would you be? With those marks, it’s practically expected!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn didn’t say anything, but the blush on her cheeks was all that was needed.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 13 - The Dentist and The Doctor</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Alrighty! To the dentist!” Sarah announced with a smile on her face, still beaming with pride from the school interview.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn seemed nervous, but that was to be expected, after all, it was the dentist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are they going to give me gold teeth?” She asked in the car. “I don’t really want to look like a pirate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah chuckled. “No, no gold teeth. They’ll give you teeth that look like actual teeth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She breathed a sigh of relief. “Good. Do you think it will hurt?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Normally they give you a needle to numb it. But today is just to assess what they need to do, no actual procedures will be done today.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t that a bit weird? Having someone’s hands in your mouth?” Kaitlyn asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Haven’t you been to the dentist before?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, never.” Kaitlyn said. “The only thing I really know is that they get mad if you don’t brush your teeth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, since you have the whole teeth brushing sorted, I don’t think we’ll have too much of a worry.” Sarah assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Except that I’m missing three teeth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s what they are going to fix.  I don’t think they’ll get mad at you. They might ask what happened but that is about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay, that doesn’t sound too bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not at all. There’s nothing to be worried about.” I added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it weird that that just made me worried?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Once you get there and they start talking to you, you’ll know there is nothing to worry about.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I trust you Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She trusts me. She just said she trusts me. Oh my god. She shouldn’t trust me! I’m not trustworthy! I’m going to ruin this! Trusting me is the biggest mistake she could make!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay Bren?” Sarah asked softly, looking at my trembling hands on the wheel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah?” I said, the shaking getting more obvious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah placed a hand on the wheel. “Pull over.” She whispered. “Go and fill the car up with gas or something. We’ll swap subtly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked ahead and saw a small gas station, presumably what Sarah was talking about. I pulled in at the gas tap and began filling the car. Sarah got out with me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up Bren?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She trusts me! She shouldn’t trust me! I’m going to stuff up now! And then she’s going to hate me! She probably does already, oh god…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, that’s great! She trusts you! I’m sure she’ll understand if you make a mistake. And I don’t think she hates you, she said she trusts you Brendon. I think that’s a pretty good sign that she likes you.” Sarah assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My hands were still trembling. “C-can you fill the car up? My hands are shaking too much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah gave me a worried glance and pulled the pump off the rack. I shoved my hands in my pockets to try and hide the shaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked in to pay together, and I made sure to grab some candy for after the dentist for Kaitlyn. Sarah gave me a look, but paid for it anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We went back to the car, where Kaitlyn was waiting patiently for us. “Are you done?” She asked politely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I threw her the twizzlers. “Yup.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah headed back on the road and got us back on track. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We pulled into the dentist and all got out of the car, Sarah checking her watch. “Okay guys, forward!” She directed, pointing to the door of the building. Kaitlyn seemed to get more nervous as we got closer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be fine bub.” Sarah said comfortingly. “They’re not doing anything today except planning what they’re going to do next.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if they find more things wrong?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not scary, I promise. And if you’ve been taking care of your teeth, You’ll be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn took a significant gulp as we stepping inside. I took my hand to her back and slightly rubbed her back as she walked behind Sarah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The office was nice, with a light blue colour scheme and a pile of magazines in the waiting room. I handed Kaitlyn a magazine, hoping it would distract her and help her settle down. And it worked, until she began reading the first article.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mens Health?” She asked, handing it back with an odd look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, sorry, try this one.” I stammered, handing her some fashion magazine. However, she didn’t even have time to open it before her name was called.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn…….Urie?” A nurse asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was so weird to hear her addressed with my last name.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah, that’s me.” She stammered nervously, placing the magazine down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hesitantly walked toward the nurse with Sarah and I in tow. The nurse looked at us strangely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, I’m afraid we only let the patient in at this age.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both our faces fell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, um, that’s okay, we’ll wait over here.” Sarah said, leading me back to the waiting room. I picked up that copy of Men’s Health and began reading it, trying to take my mind off the worries about Kaitlyn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think she’ll be okay?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled. “Of course. It’s just a check up, remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t be able to go alone at her age. I’m still terrified of the dentist!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The receptionist gave me a look, and I quickly clamped my mouth closed. Sarah grabbed my hand and began rubbing circles into the top of my hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s fine Bren, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was 20 minutes later she emerged. She didn’t seem to be in much pain, but was complaining about the gritty toothpaste that was still in her mouth. The dentist pulled us aside to discuss the procedure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This sort of thing doesn’t come cheap, you know that?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We know.” Sarah nodded. “But we need to get those gaps filled.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The dentist gave me a piece of paper. “This is the planned procedure. I suppose you should phone Belinda when you want to make a time. Set aside a couple of hours, this is a large procedure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I noticed Kaitlyn was a lot more nervous, scared even. I rested my hand on her shoulder and pulled her in lightly so she was a bit comforted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly how much does it cost?” She asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not for you to know, but I’ll book it tomorrow.” Sarah said firmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We thanked the dentist and walked back out to the car, with the next appointment being at the doctor’s office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay, Kaitlyn? You seemed pretty shaken in there.” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just nervous about them stabbing 3 fake teeth into my gums for millions of dollars.” She admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As I said, you probably won’t feel it. They use numbing products to reduce discomfort. Sometimes, with longer operations like this one, they’ll actually put you under with anesthesia. Trust me, you won’t feel anything. As for the price, it shouldn’t even concern you. We just want you to be happy and healthy.”  Sarah said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be happy when I know I’m no longer inconveniencing you.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are nowhere near being an inconvenience. We don’t mind all of this stuff, okay? Don’t feel like you are a pain.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded unconvincingly. “When’s the next appointment?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah checked her watch. “Soon, let’s keep moving people!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We all piled back in the car, and began the drive to the doctor’s. Kaitlyn was obviously quite nervous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The dentist wasn’t as bad as you thought, hey bub?” Sarah asked, trying to make conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was alright.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. The doctor’s should be alright too. And we’ll be with you this time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She bit her lip. “Yeah, okay, maybe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just think, if we can get it all sorted now, we won’t have to come back.” Sarah assured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perhaps” She mumbled, not paying attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed and pulled into the doctor’s car park. “Come on, let’s head in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn reached out and grabbed Sarah’s hand and held it as she walked in. Probably nerves. I didn’t really understand precisely why she was so nervous about the doctor, when in all facts it probably would’ve been the dentist that freaked me out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor called us in, and we took our seats. Sarah and I on the chairs, Kaitlyn up on the examination bed. She gave us all a comforting smile and sat down at her computer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what seems to be the problem?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, well.” Kaitlyn started before subtly cowering away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah picked up. “Kaitlyn’s been having a lot of trouble eating, and especially with keeping food down. If we try to get her to eat anything more than a few bites of something, she’s sick.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm. Is there something in her history that may have caused this?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was raised in a group home.” Kaitlyn explained. “My roommate was a bit of a bully.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor nodded. “So when you’re eating, is it a conscious decision to throw up, or is it automatic so to speak?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn began squirming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can be honest, no one is judging you.” The Doctor encouraged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A bit of both.” She whispered. “I guess I start thinking that I’m eating too much, and then all these other things, and then that makes me throw up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you, deprived yourself of food, per say? Past or present? It seems like your mind is just doing what it is used to.” She commented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A couple of times.” She mumbled. “Maybe more than a couple.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I believe you in saying it’s both, but basically, I think it is partially a conscious decision because your mind is following it’s usual route out, when you can combat it. Though if you did it quite frequently, it probably confuses your brain where at one stage you didn’t want food and now you do. So I guess what I am saying is, it’s mostly a mental state. I would suggest a dieting plan though I believe the mental side would have to be tackled first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what exactly are you saying doc?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned to us and sighed. “Kaitlyn’s developed an eating disorder. OSFED to be specific.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that?” Kaitlyn asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“OSFED stands for Other Specified Feeding or Eating Disorder. It seems as if you have developed traits of multiple, though it is evident you clearly are more lenient toward Bulimia. By diagnosing you as such, the treatment plan would change and they would probably end up resorting to an ineffective treatment. OSFED actually has a varying treatment plan, hence why it is segregated.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can it be cured?” Sarah gulped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It can be cured, but recovery tends to span over a long time. Multiple months or years precisely. I’m going to give you a referral to a specialist who should be more fitted to treatment than I am. Considering it’s a mental issue, I highly recommend starting some therapy too.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great.” Kaitlyn muttered sarcastically. “I’m insane.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was slightly hurt at this statement, though I tried my hardest not to show it. Obviously she wouldn’t know it would affect me. Of course she thought needing therapy meant you’re insane. Hell, I still think that, only Sarah has been convincing me otherwise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not insane bub.” Sarah said gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” She muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, Brendon, is it okay if I ask you to leave so I can start the physical examination?” The Doctor asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah, sure I suppose.” I mumbled, getting up from my seat. I walked myself to the waiting room and collapsed on the chair, before opening up another magazine.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Kaitlyn’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-physical?” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing scary, I just need to check that your OSFED hasn’t led to more serious conditions, such as heart problems. Just check your reflexes, heart rate, stuff like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll start with your heart rate, nice and easy.” She said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She lifted my shirt up slightly, revealing my ribs. Sarah took a sharp breath in at the sight of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus, Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked down at my feet, my face red in shame. “I didn’t think it was that bad…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s pretty bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor gave Sarah a </span>
  <em>
    <span>shut-up-please</span>
  </em>
  <span> look, and went back to listening to my heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you’re all good in the heart region. Let’s check your reflexes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gently tapped my knees with the hammer, and my reflexes were deemed fine. In fact, everything was deemed fine by the end after a couple of other tests. The doctor gave me a small smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just need to talk to Sarah for a moment, can you go and wait out with Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Sure, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I left the doctor’s office and found Brendon sitting in the waiting room, reading a music magazine. He gave me a forced smile as I came and sat next to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So…” He said awkwardly. “OSFED huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I guess so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry. We’ll work it all out. And besides, the doctor said it’s curable. That’s a good thing?” He tried to comfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “You’re lucky. You’re normal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon gulped, and the silence hung between us for quite a long time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What even is normal anymore?” He muttered eventually.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Sarah’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve got your work cut out for you.” The doctor sighed. “Brendon’s had a relapse, and now you’ve got Kaitlyn to worry about as well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Yeah, it’s rough, but I’ll help them through it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor smiled. “That’s the attitude! Anyways, here’s the referral. They are rather busy though, so you’ll have to make a booking several weeks in advance. Until the appointment, you’ve really got to make sure that she eats at every meal. Make sure she’s got something in her stomach.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I understand. But it’s hard to tell the line between her eating enough and her throwing up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s more the mental side. Don’t let her leave your sight for at least an hour after eating, so that way she can’t sneak off and throw it up. If she does have to go to the bathroom, give her a 5 minute time limit, and make sure that the door remains unlocked. As long as it’s just you and Brendon, then that shouldn’t be a problem.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll try to remember. Thanks for helping us out. Hopefully everything will end up tied in  pretty little bow at the end of it all. I should be off. Goodbye! ”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor smiled. “Goodbye and good luck Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked out to the waiting room to see both Brendon and Kaitlyn sitting on the seats, looking rather glum.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I guess it’s time to head home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We all piled in the car, the mood severely glum after the news.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” A small voice whimpered before I heard quiet sobs coming from the backseat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bub, do you want me to pull over? I can pull over if you want me back there.” Sarah suggested. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t even know what I want anymore. I just want to be normal, like you guys. I don’t want to be the odd one out.” She cried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bub, you aren’t the odd one out, and we sure aren’t normal. I told you, no matter what flaws or issues or past stories you have, we will always love you, and be there for you.” I tried to comfort.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I, um, maybe…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled the car over and climbed into the back next to Kaitlyn, who just let the floodgates open. Brendon had to finish the drive home. I quietly soothed her tears, running my fingers through her hair, but she was just so overwhelmed and upset, it seemed nothing would help.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, bub. I wish you didn’t have to go through all of this.” I said, continuing to run my fingers through her hair. “I would take it all to make your life just a bit easier.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“E-even if it was possible,” She sniffled, “I could never let you do that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I’d listen.” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re home.” Brendon said quietly as he pulled into the driveway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I helped Kaitlyn out of the back seat and walked her inside to her bedroom where she could relax. She sat on the bed, looked up at me nervously and mumbled something that I only just caught.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Canyoustaywithme?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I stay with you? Course!” I said, sitting down next to her. She rested her head on my shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m scared.” She whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’s that bub?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve never done any therapy or anything and-an” She stuttered. “An-and I’m afraid I won’t ever get better. There’s so much wrong with me!” Kaitlyn exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh, Shh. It’ll be all okay. I promise. I’ll be with you every step of the way.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. This is all  so childish of me. You should be spending time with your husband, not some person you barely know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “You're one of the familiar now, okay? And you're not being childish.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just don’t want to intrude. It seems like you’ve spent no time with Brendon because it’s all with me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It's fine Bub. Honestly. I spend way more time than you know with Brendon, and besides, we spent all day together as a family. And that was so incredibly awesome.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn sighed and flopped back onto the bed. “I feel like I’m getting between you two.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think that’s the case at all. I think, if anything, you are bringing us closer together. We are actually acting like a family now.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You guys are already a family. I’m not a part of it, and I’m just ruining everything for you two.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Think of it this way, I didn’t come from Brendon’s family, yet we are still close. You didn’t necessarily come from either of ours, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t part of the family.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn went silent. “My rule isn’t getting passed, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry bub. It’s not yet, at least. Maybe in future, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. I know, it’s not fair of us but we need to do what we need to do to keep you healthy.” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we just, um, can we watch a movie or something? I don’t want to think about this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure. Should I call Brendon down or do you just want it to be us?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should bring Brendon. It’s not fair to leave him out.” She suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. You go get situated downstairs and I’ll get Bren.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She got up from the seat and walked downstairs, while I walked to my bedroom and knocked slightly, before walking in. Brendon was sitting on the bed, sitting with his laptop and his headphones on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I lightly tapped his shoulder and he pulled the headphones down to around his neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn and I are watching a movie, care to join?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure! That’d be awesome.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I peered over his shoulder. “Whatcha working on Bren?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, um, I was just seeing if I could make this melody fit a beat. It’s sounding good so far.” He explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s wonderful Bren! I knew you’d get back at it eventually!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled. “Yeah, it’s getting there I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wrapped my arms around him. “Any chance I could listen?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He handed me the headphones, and I slipped them on my ears. Brendon clicked the play button, and I couldn’t help but break out in the largest smile I could possibly muster.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s wonderful Brendon. Absolutely wonderful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His smile grew with the compliment. “Shall we begin the movie now?” He said, getting up from the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yes, of course. Kaitlyn’s downstairs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked downstairs and I let Brendon choose the movie. He picked Hunger Games, and we all snuggled back on the couch. I suppose it was just a really nice way to end the day.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 14- Night Terrors & Midnight Snacks With Brendon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I woke up in an evident state of panic with the thought of their limp and torn bodies placed at the centre of the mind. I immediately went to wake up Sarah but instead, I laid back down and stared back at the ceiling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon?” Sarah asked sleepily. “What’s wrong?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing, just go back to sleep.” I replied, knowing what she would suggest if I were to tell her the truth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, go get them from the medicine cabinet. And don’t tell me that you aren’t thinking about them. I know you are. If you are feeling a bit better, come back to bed, okay?” Sarah directed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grunted a response and made my way downstairs into the kitchen and grabbed the pills before dropping into a chair in the dining room. I threw the bottle onto the table and watched it slide, enjoying the satisfaction of throwing them away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stupid pills. I don’t need them anyway.” I groaned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon?” A small voice questioned. I frantically grabbed the bottle and hid it in my lap under the table and rested my head in my hands to imitate what I hoped looked to be a casual position. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. What’s wrong Kaitlyn?” I questioned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I couldn’t sleep. I went into your room but I didn’t see you there so I figured you were awake.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh okay. You want a snack while I’m here?” I asked, trying to be polite.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t trying to force feed me are you? Sarah hasn’t sent you down here?” She interrogated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. If you don’t want anything that’s fine.” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I just have some warm milk?” She asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure. Just chill in here. If you want there’s some magazines on the shelf over there to read.” I directed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked back into the kitchen, pills in hand. I placed the bottle back on the counter and juggled with the milk carton as I poured some milk into a glass. I popped the milk into the microwave and walked over to sink to pour a glass of water. I took two of the tablets and popped them into my mouth, not thinking, knowing that thoughts would push me to stop. I swallowed them alongside the water and leaned on the kitchen bench as it travelled down. I heard the beeping of the microwave but ignored it unknowingly because of all the wonderful distractions my head had provided.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is everything okay, Brendon?” Kaitlyn asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, sorry.” I said, grabbing the cup out of the microwave. “Here you go.” I handed her the glass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” She said, before she disappeared back upstairs. What an odd exchange. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I mindlessly wandered into the office, turning the dining room light off in the process and sat at the computer. I pulled out Damien’s CD and put it into the computer while getting my headphones. I don’t know why I chose that CD in particular but I still listened to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wasn’t mentally prepared for the nostalgia that would come with the music. I tried so desperately to hold back the tears but it became much harder as time went on. The song I helped him write came on.</span>
  <em>
    
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He turned up on my doorstep with flowers in hand and a spring in his step. “Seven years today. I think it’s time Brendon.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I led him into the small recording area I had set up with my instruments and a computer. “I finished mixing it. Take a listen.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I gave Damien a set of headphones and watched as his creation came to life before his eyes. He threw the headphones onto the seat and and enveloped me in a huge hug. “It’s perfect. Do you think she’ll say yes?” He asked, straightening his tie.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Of course she will! Lydia will be stoked. I’ll give you the disc for the car ride.” I explained. “Good luck. Make sure you invite me to the wedding!” I exclaimed as Damien headed to the car.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 15 - The Shrink (part 2)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>***** Brendon’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I need to go in. I need to go in. I need to go to therapy. I’ve driven all the way here. Come on Brendon! Get out of the car!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I banged my hands on the wheel in frustration as my head had a battle within itself.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They’ll call Sarah. Sarah will find out you’re not going. And then she’ll know you’re skipping the medication. And she’ll think you’re crazy. And then Kaitlyn will find out. And then they’ll lock me up for being insane.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears began sliding down my cheeks as my knuckles went white from gripping the steering wheel too tightly “DAMMIT BRENDON!” I shouted at myself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard a small knock on the window and turned, to find Dr Jo standing there, a slight look of concern on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you open the door Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My hand was trembling as I opened the door, just enough so that Dr Jo could open it the rest of the way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I couldn’t… I-I can’t, I can’t…” I stammered, tears still flowing like rivers down my face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Let’s get you inside so we can talk about this, hey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She helped me out of my seat and after locking my car for me because my fingers were shaking too much, she lead me inside to her bland office. After sitting me down on the lounge, she flicked her hair behind her shoulders and smiled in that therapy-ish sort of way that I hated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, Brendon, what was that all about?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I began picking at the ends of my fingers. “I-I was trying to make myself come inside.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And why did you to have an internal battle about something as small as coming inside?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I don’t want to be here!” I exclaimed. “I just want to be normal! I don’t want to have to be the guy who needs to be pumped full of meds and examined through twice-weekly therapy just to be able to cope with life!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed. “Brendon, you know why you come. And eventually, you’ll reach that point. But you’ve had a significant relapse, and I know it’s hard right now. It’s like you’ve just climbed the mountain, and an avalanche has sent you straight back down to the bottom. But for now, we need to climb up the mountain again. And when you reach the top, you’ll know that it’s all worth it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Except the mountain is in my mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And it’s obviously a really tall mountain because it’s taking forever to climb.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose. Anyway, let’s talk about Kaitlyn. You and Sarah picked her up, yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you finding it? Having her around the house?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s good, I suppose. I feel a lot more on edge though. It’s hard keeping all of this secret when it’s such a time-consuming thing.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You haven’t told her then.” Dr Jo stated, obviously not impressed with my decision.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well she doesn’t need to think I’m crazy. As soon as someone mentions therapy, she slaps on the label insane. I don’t want her to think of me as just her father’s crazy friend.” I tried to explain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure that isn’t the case Brendon.” She tried to tell me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to risk it. She probably already suspects something!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is your choice Brendon. Is Sarah on board with this decision?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, she is helping me, but I don’t think she agrees completely. It’s all too messy to wrap my incapable mind around.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo changed the subject, like she always does when I get difficult.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What have you been doing since she arrived?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we have been taking her to appointments to check up on her health and we enrolled her in a new school. She seems to have taken a liking to Sarah, not so much myself. I’m not surprised. I would too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you been making an effort to interact like I told you to last time?” She questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I try to. It always ends horrible. I either upset her, make her uncomfortable or full on make her burst into tears. I just don’t know how to do anything.” I answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is she...getting upset a lot?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I suppose. Something about not wanting to spend our money, and then we had this horrible failed interview which killed any self-worth she had left, and then she’s freaking out over this dental procedure that Sarah booked, and then yesterday she got diagnosed with some eating disorder. Oxnard, was it? Oh wait, no, uh…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“OSFED?” She suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s the one.” I nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It seems like there is a lot going on. Have you been trying to comfort her? You know how you reacted to the news when you found out about...all of this.” She said, waving her pen at me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I keep messing up.” I mumbled. “I tried to give her a magazine, and I accidently gave her Men’s Health. And then I bought her candy, but she didn’t want that, and then I can’t do a proper hug to save my life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, what does Sarah do that you don’t?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk, I suppose.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well maybe you just need to talk to her, find out what is going on.” She suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to, I really do want to try, but I keep breaking down and that’s when Sarah talks to her, then it gets worse and worse until Sarah comes and it takes ages to calm down and by then, she’s asleep. I’m just useless.” I said, throwing my head in my hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I highly doubt that you’re useless. In fact, I got a call from Sarah the other day. Supposedly you’ve got your music kick back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well yeah, but I don’t even think I’ll be stable enough for long enough to even think about trying to make music. I tried to just mix some stuff the other day and ending up freaking out because for a second I thought of them and ended up freaking out and closing the computer. I couldn’t even mix, let alone make music.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe let’s try something other than mixing. Have you had a go at the piano recently? I think that the piano might be a good place to start.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just don’t know where to start. I re-learnt some stuff but it feels like that’s all gone. I want to be able to play for Sarah like I used to but I can’t because my stupid brain focuses on everything it shouldn’t and I just go downhill.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She considered for a moment. “How have you been sleeping?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I thought it was getting better but last night I had another terror and woke Sarah up like the horrible husband I am. Then she just told me to take a few pills and go back to sleep.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it the same thoughts and visions that keep you awake, or have they differed with this new situation?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s like a horrible, twisted reality, with more blood and more trauma and more stress and so much more loneliness.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And how is that making you feel?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It scares me. I start feeling alone and then the guilt feels almost piercing and it makes me want to never fall asleep again.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you’re not going to like this Brendon, but I’m going to write you two new prescriptions.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t. I have enough, I swear.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One, I’m going to increase your day dosage, and I’m also going to give you some medications to hopefully stop the terrors and help you get some more sleep. You look exhausted Brendon, and that is not going to be good for you in any respect.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I swear, it’s fine. I have been drinking coffee and such. I’m not gonna pass out or anything. I’m fine. I don’t need sleep.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. You do. And so does Sarah, Brendon. I promise, this will help you sleep, and that in turn is going to help her sleep. How is Kaitlyn sleeping?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, much better than I have I suppose. She came downstairs during the night when I was down there. I don’t think it happens often though. Well, if it does, she isn’t telling us. She did look awfully tired yesterday though. But I don’t know anything for certain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you think Sarah is coping with everything?” Dr Jo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t this therapy about me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. However, to get a fuller picture of how to help you, I need to ask about the people around you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fair enough.” I mumbled. “I think she’s overwhelmed. I feel horrible. I want to help but she probably sees me as a child she has to take care of in her eyes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, I’ve decided on your homework for this week.” Dr Jo announced. “Your task is to help out around the house a little more. Cook dinner once or twice this week. Do the laundry. Change that flickering light bulb. You need to take on a little more responsibility. Not only will this take the pressure off of Sarah, this will help you feel more like a valued member of the family. If you don’t want Sarah to think of you as a child, then this is the perfect opportunity to change that. Sound alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose.” I mumbled. “I don’t even know how to do half of that stuff.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you ask Sarah to teach you, she’ll probably catch on to what is going on and will happily help you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, maybe.” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, I think our time is up for today Brendon. Here’s the new prescriptions, and I expect you to take them. I will call Sarah tomorrow and make sure, so don’t think of skimping out on me. I’m actually trying to help you. Now, do you need me to call someone and make sure that you get home safely? With what I saw in your car earlier…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’d you see me in my car anyway?!” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pointed to her window. “You parked directly in my line of sight, Brendon. You weren’t exactly hard to spot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked down, embarrassed. “It was a pathetic display.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you were fine. It’s okay. This is why you come here. So we can go through these things and work them out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just an odd question, why were you immediately free at the time Sarah called? And how can you possibly fit in these sessions?  You must have other patients to cater for.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s simple Brendon. I prioritise patients based on their needs and available times. You’re, um, going through some significant issues at the current minute, so I simple refereed one of my patients who is at where you were around Christmas to a colleague so I can fit you in. And as for the phone call, I was actually at home celebrating my daughter’s birthday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. So I interrupted everything. Great to know I am an inconvenience.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Quite frankly Brendon, that other patient was getting on my nerves. You’re not an inconvenience, you’re not doing anything wrong. You underestimate the abilities of the receptionists at sliding things around.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure they are great. I just feel like everything would be a lot easier if I weren’t around to screw everything up. Sure people would be sad or whatever but…...nevermind, I’m rambling.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon,” She asked cautiously. “Are you having suicidal thoughts?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing. Don’t worry. I didn’t say anything, the session is over.” I rushed, realising what I had just said. “It’s nothing.” I repeated, though it seemed more like I was trying to convince myself, rather than her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon. Brendon, no, don’t leave. We’re not done here. We need to talk this over. Brendon!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked back at her, considering I hadn’t gotten that far. “Please, just, no more. I can’t anymore.” I said, trying to hide the stupid tears that were residing in my eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll take it slow. Come on. You’re not leaving yet, or else I’m going to have to call Sarah and tell her about what you told me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, just, please…..don’t tell her. She doesn’t need something else to hate me for.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, Sarah doesn’t hate you. She loves you. She married you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But she doesn’t trust me.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what makes you say that?” She asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-we had a fight.” I stammered, tears springing to my eyes. “A-and I asked her if she trusted me and she said no. Isn’t that what relationships are built on?! Trust?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, what happened prior to that that may have made her say that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I was complaining about having to come here, and the medications and all, and the conversation progressed into Sarah convincing me that I was safe, and then I asked her if she trusted me, and she was crying and said no, and I was crying, and I locked myself in the office, and she was sobbing and apologising and she even told me not to hurt myself!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, so Brendon, have you been feeling…….well, suicidal for some time?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just, I suppose I’ve been thinking about how easy it would be if I wasn’t here. Sarah would find another guy, and she wouldn’t have to work to pay for all this, and then I wouldn’t be around to mess everything up, and, and, and…” I burst into tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo pushed the box of tissues towards me. “Brendon, Brendon, it’s okay. I assure you, Sarah would probably be as distraught as you are right now if she lost you. Why do you think she is trying so hard to help you get better Brendon?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” I mumbled. “Guilt?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think we both know there's more than that. Is Sarah aware of your arising depression?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “She’s focusing on Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to ask you a serious question, I need you to answer this properly and honestly, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I were to prescribe you with antidepressants, would you take them, let Sarah know, or would you hide it from her?” She questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I doubt I’d take them at all.” I sighed. “It’s hard enough with the ones I’ve already got. I don’t think I would tell her. She’s got enough on her plate as it is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I’m still going to prescribe them, but I think I will call Sarah this afternoon, rather than tomorrow. I want to make sure you are on top of all of this so you can get better.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please! Don’t call Sarah!” I practically begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can tell her yourself if you want to, so she knows the call is coming. If you don’t, she may feel a little upset that you don’t trust her. Brendon, she’s going to find out, and it’s only for your benefit. I’m going to print you this prescription with the others, and that should help as long as you remember to take them. And I’m going to have Sarah check, so please Brendon, for your own sake, just take the medication.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but there’s just so much!” I continued. “You don’t seem to recognise my hatred toward medication, do you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it’s not your favourite.” She sighed. “But the fact is, I’m not trying to make you suffer. I do care about your wellbeing Brendon, as well as the wellbeing of the people around you. And I do honestly believe, that if you keep up to date with these, then you’ll make drastic improvements. And as we get higher up the mountain, we will probably be able to stop a couple of the prescriptions, and by the time we’ve reached the top, you’ll be on little to no medication at all. It’s a long road to recovery Brendon, but there is no alternate route.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d rather be dead than be a mannequin filled with your drugs. I don’t even think they work. And this stuff isn’t exactly cheap, the therapy, the pills, all of it adds up. I told you it’d be easier to leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do I need to call Sarah right now and ask her to come in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel like she’d agree.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t think she’d actually do it, but Dr Jo went to her bag, pulled out her phone, and began punching in Sarah’s number. Beads of sweat began running down my forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And call.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“NO!” I shrieked, making a grab for the phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, this is for your own good.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat there, on the couch like a child as I heard Dr Jo repeat many of the things I’d told her to my wife. By the time she’d hung up, the only thing I really wanted to do was jump off a cliff before she got here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah’s on her way. She’s really worried Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How many stories are in this building?” I asked casually.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Two.” She answered flatly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damnit.” I responded. “And what’s the odds of dying when falling off of a two story building?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, Please.” She whispered, obviously getting upset by what I was saying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know the house has three storeys, and roof access.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to get Sarah to put you under suicide watch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dammit.” I muttered. Curse my big mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And soon enough, we were greeted with what appeared to be the most worried Sarah I had encountered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first thing she did when she laid eyes on me was wrap me in a huge bear hug, some tears spilling from her eyes to my shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you tell me Bren? Why?” She whispered tearfully, pulling me in tighter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m stupid. I didn’t say anything because my intention wasn’t to get packed full of pills. Guess that’s a bit late.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, I only want you to get better.” She whispered. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. I just want to help you. I need you Bren. I need you here. With me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, this is the hardest thing. I feel like I fell in a hole and I’m deeper than I was at the start. I just want it all to be over, to stop wasting your money, and to stop inconveniencing everyone around me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon.” she sobbed. “If you...went through with this, it wouldn’t be over. It would start all again. In the same way that you lost your best friend, you’d make me lose mine. Bren, is that what you want? For me to go through the same thing that you are?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just want to drop it all. I don’t want you to go through this, but it feels like I don’t want you to have to put up with me even more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, don’t you know that I don’t care?! I’d put up with this a million times over rather than lose you! You’re my Brendon! My Beebo! I can’t...I can’t lose you Bren! It would kill me too!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sh-She said you would put me on suicide watch. I’m not that bad, am I?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen to yourself Brendon.” Sarah whispered. “This is bad. All that means is that I’m going to be watching to make sure that you don’t hurt yourself. It’s not that bad, I promise. And it’ll get better. I can promise that too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t think it was bad, I didn’t want to make a fuss, I just thought it would blow over. Now you must think I’m gonna try something every second!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I trust you Bren. But you need to make sure that you don’t breach that trust, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if I can’t hold on? What then Sarah?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s why you’re on suicide watch.” Dr Jo piped in. “It will only be for a short while, until I’m confident that you won’t hurt yourself. I’m going to book you an extra session tomorrow, okay? And then we’ll have Thursday, and I’m thinking by then you should be okay. If not, I’ll come in on the weekend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just make it all end. I don’t want this life anymore. I tried to put up with it, I tried to live with it but I can’t. I need to end. I just want closure.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please Brendon! Don’t talk like that! You’re scaring me!” Sarah blubbered, burying her face in my chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it’s true!” I cried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo printed all 3 new prescriptions, and handed them to Sarah. She immediately drove to the pharmacy and got them filled, taking me with her and refusing to leave me alone. I had never seen Sarah this on edge before. She was terrified, sad, confused, worried, and a whole lot of other emotions all at once.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t lose you Brendon! I just can’t! It’s not an option!” She cried, trying to focus on the road.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t know what to say. In my mind, it was probably the best option. So I just sat there, looking out the front windscreen blankly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re home.” Sarah replied shakily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took my hand as we walked inside. She dragged me to my office, and pushed me in front of the piano, tears sprung in her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I need you to play. Please. I need to hear it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I placed my hands on the keys. “I-I don’t know if I can Sarah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please!” She sobbed. “Anything! I just need to hear you play something!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I began playing, or attempting to play the tune. My fingers were shaking and I kept hitting the wrong keys, but it was there, only barely, but it was there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah cried. I couldn’t tell if it was the music, or my words back at Dr Jo’s, but either way, it was a horrible noise to hear. I continued to try and play, and it got better as I continued through the End Of All Things, but I still messed up a lot of notes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry! I tried! I really did!” I rushed, as I noticed the tears were heavier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wrapped me in another hug. “I-It was beautiful, Brendon. Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I returned the hug, hopefully restoring some sense of normality in the matter. “I-I didn’t mean to scare you, or frighten you, I swear. It was just all pent up and it just came out!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I know. It’s okay Bren, it’s better out than in. And now I can help. You really scared me, but we can move on now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked around for a moment. “Erm, Sarah, where’s Kaitlyn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah’s face went as white as a ghost. “We’ve got to get to the mall.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You left her at the mall?!” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah didn’t say anything, but dragged me to the car and started driving towards the mall. I could tell she was beating herself up over it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay Sarah?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She patted my thigh, not taking her eyes off of the road. “Yeah, I’m okay. Listen, I know it’s not your favourite, but I really need to take Parkinson’s road so that we can get their sooner. You can close your eyes if you want. You don’t have to look.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So that’s what I did. I clenched my eyes shut together as tight as I could get them, and I gripped Sarah’s hand rather tightly. She didn’t seem to mind, and took the turn off as soon as we could reach it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked through the mall together, holding hands. Sarah led me to the store where she supposedly left Kaitlyn, however she wasn’t there at all. Sarah was on the verge of tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m the worst parent ever!” She sobbed, burying her face in my neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re wonderful.” I said, desperately trying to comfort her. “You’re the best parent I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She quickly wiped her tears, and we began walking the mall. I suggested it would be faster to split up, but Sarah refused to let me out of her sight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, Sarah! It’ll be quicker. I swear, I won’t do anything. We just need to find her!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at me sadly. “I know. But come on. We need to keep going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grumbled as I followed her through the centre, keeping an eye out. Eventually, we found her sitting on a bench near the carpark where we entered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn! Oh bub I found you!” Sarah sobbed, wrapping her in a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry! I wanted to look around and I planned to return to the store but I got lost.” She replied wimpishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah and I exchanged a glance. She didn’t realise that Sarah had left the mall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. Come on, we’ve got one more shop to visit before we head home.” Sarah said, getting up from the bench.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We need to get you a phone. So if anything like this happens again, we’ll be able to find you sooner. Besides, every kid your age has a phone these days.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” She replied hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’s that?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I could, like, drop it, or lose it, or break it. I feel like it’d be a waste is what I’m trying to say I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not a waste Kaitlyn. The fact is, you need a phone bub. We’ll put some insurance on it if you’re that scared you’re going to damage it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked into the local phone dealer and Sarah tried to encourage Kaitlyn to pick one, but naturally, Kaitlyn gravitated to the cheapest on the rack that couldn’t really do anything other than make calls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, it’s probably best if you choose another. We don’t mind the price, we have stated before but you need to be able to contact us easily and I feel like that isn’t the best option for that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. I just punch in the numbers and boom. Phone call.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, maybe I should put it this way, we aren’t buying that phone. Please, choose another one.” I reiterated blandly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn went to the next cheapest, which pretty much did the same thing. Sarah let out an exhausted sigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s look at this rack, okay?” She suggested, pointing to the table which had the latest models belonging to the top brands on it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so.” Kaitlyn replied. She glanced over all the phones, not necessarily coming to a decision. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which one are you thinking?” Sarah asked, tapping away on the latest iPhone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn shrugged. “These are all far too expensive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, I’d rather pay a lot now than later when we have to replace it, okay?”  I reinforced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d rather you not pay at all.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll take this one.”  Sarah decided, taking the phone to the counter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, no, please. That’s the most expensive of them all!” Kaitlyn begged, grabbing Sarah’s arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, it doesn’t seem like we’re coming to a conclusion so I came to one for you.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about we conclude that I’m fine and I don’t need a phone?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you do. You might need to contact us, and you’re starting school soon. It’s for your safety.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn looked like she was about to explode. “Please, Sarah, can we just leave it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. It’s decided.”  I reinforced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah paid for it, and got a sim card as well. Kaitlyn was not happy as we left the mall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, please stop moping. It’s over now. What’s done is done.”  I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can return it…” She suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d prefer it if you were a bit more grateful.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn was obviously embarrassed. “I’m sorry. It’s honestly a huge gesture, and I can’t be more thankful. I’m just, I feel guilty. Sorry, I really should be thanking you instead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, maybe, you should make a greater effort to show your appreciation!” I snapped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon!” Sarah snapped at me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well she needs to clean up her act!” I continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t mean that you need to snap at her like that! She just apologised and you chastised her further. She’s sorry, and I’m sure she will in the future.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I fell back into the car seat. “Sorry, Kaitlyn.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry Brendon.” She whimpered, climbing into the back without another word.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> The rest of the car ride was silent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, everybody to their rooms!”  Sarah directed as she stopped the car. Then she paused. “Hang on, no, Brendon you stay with me. I suppose you can go to your room Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What now?!”  I responded angrily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you remember what Dr Jo said?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? She said a hell of a lot!  All I heard was her calling me crazy!” I retaliated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed. “Bren, you’re under suicide watch. Okay? You’re going to stay with me. I’m not allowed to let you out of my sight.” She said gently, trying to calm me down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, as I said, I’m just really freaking crazy! Insane, even! You can’t even let me out of your sight! I’m not a child Sarah!”  I continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know that.” She said, trying to hold back tears. “You’re not insane Bren. You’re just in a slump. I’ll tell you what, if you don’t want to stay here, I can call Gerard and ask if he wants to meet up. Does that sound okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What, so he can keep a hawkeye on me too!?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took a sharp breath in. “I’m trying Bren. I’m trying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not. Get me out of here. I need to leave.” I finally responded.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 16 - The Wonders of Alcohol</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“What’s up Bren? I came as soon as Sarah called.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, I don’t even know where to start.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, how about we start with something about this morning with Dr Jo?” Gerard suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I couldn’t even get out of the car, Gerard.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did someone see you or something?” He asked. “Why couldn’t you get out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s stupid Gerard. Everything about me seems so stupid lately.” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you’re stupid Brendon. Tell me what happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It started as me just tr-trying to convince myself to go in, and then I realised if I didn’t go, Sarah would find out and they’d probably give me more medication an- I-I was scared Gerard. That’s all it comes down to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you don’t have to be scared of therapy. They’re only trying to help you, you know that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It just seems strange, like I’m less of a person because I can’t even control my own emotions.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you’re not any less of a person. You’re still the same person you’ve always been, you’ve just had a relapse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I seriously thought it was all over at Christmas Gerard. I thought it was all behind me.” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Bren. It was pretty shocking news. You’ll get there again, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s worse than before though. There’s so much more wrong with me now.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard watched in shock and horror as I skulled the entire glass of beer I had sitting in front of me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You, erm, you okay big guy?” He asked, taking the empty glass from my hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I burped. “I’m going to get another one of those.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon sit down.”  Gerard said as he pulled me back down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tore my arm away from his grip and ignored his calls as I headed to the bar, this time returning with a beer and a glass of scotch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard sighed. “Bren, I know it’s hard but I really need you to lay easy on the alcohol. I’m pretty sure when Sarah suggested you go out, I don’t think she meant for you to get wasted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “It helps.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t drink your problems away Brendon, they always come back in the morning along with a killer headache and some vomiting.Trust me, I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but I’m gonna be in a good mood now?” I responded, almost as a question, rather than an answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard sighed. “I hear Kaitlyn’s been having some problems.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Far out. As soon as we get the child she is diagnosed with an eating disorder. A+ parenting on my behalf.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not your fault, Brendon. If she just arrived, then it’s obviously been developed during her time in the group home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There you go again!” I snapped. “Group home this. Group home that. I’m sorry, okay?! I’m sorry I didn’t try and take her in sooner! I’m sorry that I thought of myself over her! I’m sorry that I didn’t want to be taunted by the worst thing I’ve ever done every time I look at that kid’s face!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tipped the glass of scotch down my throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, it’s okay. We understand why you didn’t take her in sooner, just please, stop drinking. I don’t want this to get worse Brendon.’” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned as I brought the beer glass to my lips only to find it empty. I skittered back to the bar, and grabbed myself another 2. Gerard was not impressed with me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon! For the love of god! Stop drinking! If you get wasted, and do something stupid, it’s all my fault, and I can’t live with that Brendon!”  Gerard snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled. “You can’t stop me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, don’t you dare. You keep your butt planted on this seat and you will go nowhere. Do you understand? I am not letting you get away with anything tonight.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ignored him once again as I finished my two drinks and headed back to bar. Some other guys, looked to be still in college,were standing together doing some vodka shots. That looked alright to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I join?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dammit Brendon!” Gerard shouted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure man.” One of the college guys said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I picked up the shot glass and prepared to down the vodka. Gerard grabbed it out of my hand, but I snatched it back due to my superior height.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon! Don’t you dare!”  Gerard yelled, trying to knock the glass out of my hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tipped it down my throat and reached for another. The college kids, realising I had some potential, started cheering me on. I lost count in the frenzy and just keep taking more and more, with the only sounds I could hear being the kids’ cheers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, when the bartender decided I was at the point where if he served me any more he’d be arrested, I finally stumbled away from the bar. I almost tripped over, but Gerard caught me in time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Come on. You’re drunk.” He sighed, helping me to my feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled. “No. YOU’RE drunk!” I tapped his nose. “Boop!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on. We gotta get back. No one wins here Bren. You’re gonna be hella hungover and Sarah is probably gonna kill me now.” Gerard stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should go to the club!” I exclaimed. “Somewhere with karaoke! Yes! You can sing! We can do a duet!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard sighed. “How about we do some karaoke when we get back? You can set up another mic and everything.” He suggested, clearly not liking my idea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I broke free of his grip and made a dash for the door. “I’M ESCAPING!” All the sudden motion made me nauseous, causing me to curl over, about to vomit.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard came to my side and helped me to the garden, where I did end up throwing up. However, I didn’t get it all out of my system.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should go crash a party!” I suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, for the last time, WE ARE GOING HOME!” Gerard yelled. “Now get in the car!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled and pulled my phone out. “I’m calling a taxi! I’m going clubbing!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you aren’t. Let’s get you home so you can rest, okay? And besides, the clubs aren’t even open tonight.” Gerard lied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should go and see if we can find one anyway!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. In the car. We’ll go see if we can find one.” He suggested, pointing to the back seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I climbed in, and as soon as he started the car, he put the child locks on the back doors.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gerard!” I snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re going home now.” He said calmly, pulling out of the carpark.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re such a party pooper. Old grandpa Gerard is here to ruin all the fun!” I slurred</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. But you won’t be saying that tomorrow.” He nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, because I’m not inviting you out tomorrow. I’m gonna go wandering around the town, trying to pick up sexy chicks. I don’t need papa Gerard to ruin it all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re married Brendon. You don’t need to go and pick up sexy chicks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Married? Did we get married Gerard? Well, in that case, hello beautiful.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re married to Sarah, Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I be married to you as well? I wanna be your bride!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you should be thanking the lord that Sarah isn’t here right now. Something tells me she wouldn’t like you marrying other people.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will you marry me Gerard?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No Brendon. In fact, I am going to march up to your wife and tell her what the hell is going on so she doesn’t think that you are going to leave her because sadly, she’s the one who is going to have to put up with you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t want to marry you anyway. You’re a pooper. Hehe. Pooper. POOPER! POOPER POOPER POOP!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, for the love of god! Shut your trap until we get back to the house, okay?!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pooper.” I mumbled, leaning back in the seat. The nausea returned. “Do you have like a bucket or something Gee?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are not vomiting in here Brendon.” Gerard said, pulling the car over and unlocking the doors. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stumbled out of the car and threw up behind a tree. I tried to get into the front seat before we drove off again, but Gerard managed to somehow convince me to get in the back, where the child locks returned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are we there yet?”  I slurred.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just about.” Gerard nodded as he turned into my street.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey! I live here!” I exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. You do. And so does Sarah. And I don’t know how she’s going to react to seeing you like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure she doesn’t care. She’s probably seen worse if she lives with me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard pulled up in my driveway. “Yes, but you’re supposed to be under suicide watch and I let you get horribly drunk. Now come on. Let’s get you to bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why am I on suicide watch? What’d I do?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re having feelings that you want to die Brendon! That’s not normal! That’s dangerous and scary, and I know you can’t control it, but we’ve really got to get this under control!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, so I didn’t even do anything? That’s silly. There just thoughts. Thoughts can’t hurt me.” I stated</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thoughts are dangerous Brendon.” He sighed, knocking on the door. I knocked too, a couple of hundred times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah came downstairs in her pyjamas. She opened the door, rather concerned, and turned to Gerard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m drunk!” I grinned happily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded with a disapproving scowl. “I can see that.” Sarah sighed. “Okay, Gerard, what the hell happened? I let Brendon go out with you to calm down, not get completely drunk!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard hung his head. “I tried to stop him Sarah! I really did! I was trying to get him home, but he met these college kids who were doing shots, and I couldn’t get near him! It’s a miracle that he’s home right now!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did he…..try anything when you were out?” Sarah asked cautiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He tried to propose to me, but other than that, no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I burped. “Sarah, this is my wife, Gerard. Isn’t she beautiful?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, yes she is Brendon. Now make sure you are good for her, okay?” Sarah glared at Gerard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Gerard asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not dealing with this by myself! You’re helping me!” Sarah said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” I heard Kaitlyn ask as she came around the corner, also in her pyjamas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alcohol is great, kid.” I nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is he drunk?” She asked Sarah and Gerard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both of them squirmed around, but nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah. That makes sense.” She nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn! You haven’t met my beautiful wife! This is Gerard! Isn’t she pretty?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn giggled, obviously amused. “Very.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard sighed. “Nice to meet you kiddo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pleasure Mrs Brendon Urie.” She giggled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tackled Kaitlyn in a hug. “You can be our kid! Yes! Gerard and Brendon and Kaitlyn! And you can call me Uncle Beebo like you did when you were 5!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hang on… Beebo?” She questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The fans gave him that nickname.” Sarah clarified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When did you meet me even, Brendon? It seems like you are thoroughly insighted in my past.” Kaitlyn asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You!” I said. “You were 5! It was your birthday! And then you wanted to go to the rollercoasters! And then you were wearing this pink princess dress with rainbow stockings! And you called me Uncle Beebo because your mother always liked that nickname! My god Kaitlyn! Your mother!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah and Gerard exchanged a glance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright you, I think it’s time for bed.” Sarah said, putting her arm around me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about Gerard?! It’s past his bedtime too!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smirked. “Alright then. Kaitlyn, you want to help me tuck the married couple into bed?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” Kaitlyn laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah led me upstairs, and Kaitlyn led Gerard up. They tucked us into bed, and turned the light out. I couldn’t stop giggling, and Gerard sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I have a goodnight kiss Gee?” I asked, pursing my lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> He sighed, and rolled over so he was no longer facing me. “Go to sleep, Brendon.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 17 - Good Morning Sunshine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Look! Gerard! Your wife is awake!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned and pressed a hand to my throbbing forehead. “How drunk did I get last night?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably more than you’d like to admit.” Gerard answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned and sat down at the kitchen bench.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Coffee, Mrs Gerard Way?” Sarah offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that about?” I asked. “And yes, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You did propose to me last night, and you actually introduced me to Kaitlyn as your wife. Oh, and you asked for a goodnight kiss.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Far out. I’m so sorry Gerard. What did you tell Lindsey?’ </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just that you needed me tonight. Don’t worry. I didn’t tell her about my second wife, who insisted to sleep in the same bed as me for the record.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry Gerard. I probably ruined your night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was fine. Not so funny at the time, but I’m laughing about it now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t do anything remarkably stupid did I?”I asked cautiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You joined a group of college kids in some vodka shots. You tried to propose to me, and you threw up outside the bar. Other than that, you almost told Kaitlyn everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, what?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” Sarah said. “You started by tackling her in a hug and telling her that you were going to make her you and Gerard’s kid, and then you mentioned that she could call you Uncle Beebo like she did when you were 5. And then she asked about that, and you went off on a tangent about her 5th birthday, rollercoasters, and what she was wearing. We stopped you at that point.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God. I never want to get drunk again.” I replied, falling face first into my hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard chuckled. “I tried to warn you Bren, but as you said last night, ‘you’d be in a good mood now’.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh. I’ll be back.” I said as I made my way to the bathroom where my stomach decided it would force whatever was left from last night up my throat and into the toilet. It was a disgusting feeling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time I’d finished, Sarah had finished making the coffee and I took a long sip from it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry guys.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright. But Kaitlyn is probably going to have a million questions for you when she gets home.” Sarah nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where is she?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dropped her off at school. It’s 10am, Brendon. You slept in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, I’m a horrible father. Why the hell was I trusted with a child again?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Every kid has seen their father drunk at least once Bren.” Gerard nodded. “Maybe not you, your family was too religious for that, but I saw my father really drunk many a time. Once he ran around the house without clothes on. Haha, memories.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What pills do I have lined up for me this morning Sarah?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pushed two along the bench, a blue one and a white one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” I muttered, chucking them into the back of my throat and downing them with a swig of coffee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Change in spirit?” Sarah asked. “I don’t think you’ve ever asked me about your medication. Usually I have to force you to take them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I’ve got to sort out last night’s mess, I’d rather be as sane as possible to do it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lucky you. You get to try and explain last night to Dr Jo today also.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh joy. Why on earth did she think it would be a good idea to add an appointment?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because of your breakdown yesterday, Bren.” Sarah said with worry plastered on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well it’s not like I want to go, and I’m clearly much better now. Can’t you just cancel it?” I suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed. “Brendon, I know you don’t want to go but if she sees you are much better, she might cut it short.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“On that trail of thought, it’s probably better that you’ve taken medication already. Hopefully you’ll be settled by the time we have to head out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought I did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s there. Babe, the ones you’ve had already, that’s half. You didn’t let me get the rest. Silly.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “Four then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep.” She said, sliding two more over to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took them silently, and went upstairs to get changed. I didn’t bother with looking fancy, comfortable was what I was going for. Once I had settled on some loose jeans and a t-shirt with a soft hoodie, we headed out to see Dr Jo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ready to go in Brendon?” I heard Sarah ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we just, um, sit in the car for a bit longer?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, come on. You aren’t staying in the car.” Sarah stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “Please, just a couple of minutes longer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on. Let’s get this over and done with, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” I grumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Kaitlyn’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I figitted with the unfamiliar backpack straps as I stood outside the familiar school building, ignoring all the other kids running past me to get in.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re only here until the end of the year. You only have to put up with it until then.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I adjusted the straps of Sarah’s backpack until they felt just right. Last night as she helped me get ready for today, she took one look at my old backpack, which was falling apart at the seams, and threw it straight out. This one, which was rather pretty if I will admit, was only to last until she could take me to the mall to get me another one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After talking myself up, I began the trek inside. A lot of kids were staring at me, and I expected them too. I mean, I had been away for a week or so, and now I was back with a new hairdo, a new backpack, new clothes, new shoes and a new last name.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I reached my locker and grabbed my books for my lessons. I had maths first up. Not my favourite, but oh well. And then it hit me. Gretchen was in my maths class.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hadn’t seen any of the girls that I used to live with so far this morning. I wasn’t sure where they were, but I’d have to run into them sooner or later. I pulled my phone out of my bag and looked it over. There weren’t any notifications. I had expected that, I didn’t have any other numbers besides Brendon and Sarah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bell echoed through the school halls, sending all the students into chaos as they scrambled to find their books. I took a step back, and quickly rushed to the bathroom before maths. I locked myself in the stall, and once I was sure that nobody else was around, I shoved my fingers down the back of my throat, causing everything that I’d eaten this morning to come up. After rinsing my mouth out to get rid of the taste, I raced down the hall to make it to maths. I was only just on time, and most of the kids had already entered. And there was only one seat left for me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn. There you are. You can take a seat next to Gretchen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned around to face me, and frowned when she saw my new appearance. I sat down next to her, and decided to make an effort NOT to make any conversation whatsoever for the 80 minutes of this double.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The teacher started blaring on about algebraic equations and all, and I did my best to take down notes into the notebook Sarah had given me this morning. Gretchen kept looking at it, and I had to admit that it felt good to know she was slightly jealous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, the teacher set some work from the textbook, and I opened mine up to begin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, Kaitlyn, I left my textbook at home. Can I share with you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We worked silently for the first 10 minutes, but Gretchen decided to push the conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are Mr and Mrs Urie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “Why do you care?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno. I suppose I just want to make sure that they aren’t abusing you or whatever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re awesome.” I clarified. “These past few days have been the best few days of my life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t smile, instead sighed. “Our room is awfully quiet without you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your room.” I corrected.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” She mumbled. “Just asking, erm, have you been having trouble sleeping?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” I lied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, well, yeah. It’s just, it’s really quiet. Maybe a bit too quiet, and I’m having trouble sleeping.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought Mrs Hungin was getting another kid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gretchen sighed. “Yeah, but they’re both 8, and they’re sleeping in their own room. She keeps going on about how glad she is to have you gone, and how I deserve my own room, but I really sort of wish I had a roommate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I snorted. Of course she’d be glad to get rid of me. Anyway, just tell her. Maybe the twins will let you sleep with them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe.” Gretchen mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How have you been recovering from the fight?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, good.” She mumbled. “Still sore. How about you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Not bad. Sarah, erm, Mrs Urie is getting my teeth fixed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? Doesn’t that cost lots?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno.” I shrugged. “She won’t tell me how much it costs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gretchen nodded. “New clothes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, She took me shopping.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s good, I guess.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gretchen,” I asked, “Are you jealous?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She folded her arms. “No. Absolutely not. No way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave her a look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay fine. Just a little bit. I mean, I don’t have some famous person who’s going to sweep out of the blue and take me in. All I’ve ever wanted is a family, and that’s what you’ve got now. And that sucks, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, Gretchen, I know that Mrs Hungin will probably try to keep you there for as long as she can, but I am absolutely sure you’ll find a family. And besides, I honestly forget that they are ‘famous’ and such, they just seem like normal, kind people. And even if you don’t find a family, just think, once you get out of there, you will be able to start a whole new one on your own. Sometimes, that’s the only thing that kept me sane in that place.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess so. I just kinda want everything to fall into place like it did for you.” Gretchen mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Trust me, it hasn’t all fallen into place just yet. I promise, you will find a way to make it better.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hasn’t fallen into place? What’s going on then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It just seems we are still ironing out the creases. I’m pretty sure Brendon hates me or something which sucks.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s Brendon fricking Urie Kaitlyn, that guy is known for being a massive sweetheart. You must be looking at it wrong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. He just seems a bit off.” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so.” Gretchen muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“It nice to see you Brendon. How have you been since yesterday?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been better. I stupidly decided that it’d be a great idea to get drunk so I had the pleasure of being hungover this morning.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I highly suggest you decrease your alcohol consumption. It limits the effects of the medication. Speaking of, did you take it this morning?” Dr Jo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sadly.” I muttered, bracing myself for yet another long session.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 18- A Future In Education (Part 2)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Gretchen shrugged. “I dunno. Maybe he wasn’t ready for a family. Mrs Hungin told me that it wasn’t really their choice to take you in, someone found your parents will, and then it was all kind of pushed on them. And then she said something about how she felt really sorry for them because they have to put up with you outta nowhere. But oh well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Maybe. We should probably finish these.” I shrugged, gesturing to the maths textbook.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We sat in silence for the rest of the lesson. When the bell finally rang, I got out of there as fast as I possibly could. I had chemistry next, one of my favourite subjects.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I arrived just in the nick of time and took my seat. The teacher began taking the roll, and I hardly paid attention until she got to my name.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn…..Urie?” She asked, a tad confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here.” I said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone’s eyes were on me as the classroom became filled with whispers about my new last name. I sunk into my seat a little, hoping not to draw attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re name is different.” The teacher commented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Yes. It is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there any reason for the sudden change? Did your parents divorce or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave her an odd look. Of course she couldn’t have just left it. Of course she had to make me make the big announcement in front of the whole class, who would probably share it with everyone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was adopted.” I mumbled, hoping nobody would hear me except the teacher.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay.” She shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’d she say?!” One of the boys called from the back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“None of your business!” I sneered back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The teacher gave me a stern look, but she noticed that I obviously didn’t want to make this a big thing, and thankfully kept quiet and simple started the lesson.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***** Brendon’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo flicked through her papers. “I cannot believe you went and got drunk last night Brendon. That was not a responsible thing to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned, leaning my throbbing head on one hand. “I’ve learnt my lesson. This headache is punishment enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well Brendon, hate to say it, but I highly suggest taking your medication again after you have gone through your whole hungover thing to make sure it’s effects are at peak so I don’t have to prescribe stronger medication. I also suggest to give up alcohol, at least until you are over all of this relapse business since you can't control yourself evidently.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned. “Fine. Anyways, I think I’m completely fine now. Can I go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, we’ve barely addressed the elephant in the room. I booked this session because of what occurred yesterday. This session is focusing only on your depression, rather than all the other business we have to sort out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “What do you want me to talk about then? How sad I am?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me why you are feeling like ending yourself Brendon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I mess everything up.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, come on, that’s hardly true.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! It’s as true as the fact that I’m wishing I could be at home right now.” I snapped. “I make life a hell of a lot harder for Sarah, I keep snapping at the kid, and I’m a horrible father. She saw me drunk last night, and I almost told her everything. Thank god Gerard and Sarah were there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, is that really the only reasons? Sarah clearly doesn’t mind Brendon. You saw her yesterday. She clearly doesn’t mind much at all, and as for being a terrible father, I can’t agree you should be getting drunk every night but it's not going to help her if she thinks her father is perfect. And it's normal for you to snap, in fact you did just then Brendon. Your condition leaves you a lot more on edge. That’s why you snap easily.” She tried to explain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but I make her cry!” I sighed. “I’m the bad guy! And I don’t want to be the bad guy! She’s never going to warm up to me if she thinks that I’m just going to snap at her all the time!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, for the love of god. You wouldn’t have to worry about being a horrible parent if you just told her! She might actually understand that you aren’t perfect and then you wouldn’t be so stressed all the time!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t bloody tell her!” I snapped. “She’d hate me! She’d find out that I was the reason that her parents are dead! Because I couldn’t save them! Because I wasn’t paying enough attention! That is all my fault, and I can’t tell her because then she’ll tell me I’m a freaking murderer! Which I am!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, does she even know you have depression?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think she’s noticed that Sarah has been fussing over you lately?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno. Maybe. She’s been fighting her own battles, I don’t think she’s noticed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re real lucky, ya know?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” I asked. “I’m the exact opposite of lucky.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Most people who go through this stuff are actually alone, you have people around you. You just feel alone. I think you need to respect those people more.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess so.” I mumbled. “They’re pretty great. But they honestly don’t, like, fully understand. Like, when I’m out with Sarah and I see someone wearing the same shirt Damien wore, Or I see the same model of car that they had, it freaks me out, you know? And I try and tell them, I’m freaking out, I can’t be here, but they just tell me to stop being silly or just not to look at it. And I just want to scream at them that it’s not that simple.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, no one is going to understand exactly what is going on in your head. You can’t expect them to realise that you aren’t okay. I barely know what is going on in there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know my head is really messed up, but I just, when I tell them that I need to leave, I just want them to let me leave. Because, like, when we were at the hospital just before Kaitlyn moved in, it freaked me out because it was reminding me of this time when her Dad was in hospital, and I was lucky that Sarah let me leave. Other times, I haven’t been so fortunate and she’s made me stand there, no matter where we were, and it kills me on the inside.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As much as I’d love to just provide you with a solution Brendon, I can’t. It’s basically up to who you are with. This seems a lot worse than it was before. It seems like a lot more things tend to trigger you now. Smaller things, even.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” I mumbled. “Did I tell you about how I freaked over a jam sandwich?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you didn’t. Are there a lot of everyday items that set you off?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “The instruments, it’s hard to even enter the studio anymore. Hmm… the condiments in the fridge, the video games, the bedsheets almost gave me a heart attack a couple of days ago, the soap in the shower, the deodorant, yeah. I guess a lot of things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know how you even live with all of this Brendon. What’s the worst reaction you’ve had to these sorts of things?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably, Sarah was wearing this perfume she had gotten for Christmas from her parents, and it was the same one that Lydia used to wear everyday. And I almost had another episode, right then and there. It was really bad, and Sarah had to shower to get the scent off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I think you need to build up your tolerance to these objects and events. Expose them to yourself more. Please, don’t induce an episode though. Get Sarah to help you identify what are the worst things and focus on those first.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “You do realise that you’re pretty much asking me to torture myself?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I think this might be one of the only ways to stop this. You are just going to have to learn to ignore these things, especially if your theory on the medication not working is true.” Dr Jo admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “But, but, but I really don’t want to!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I know you don’t but it might be your only option.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if I refuse?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not letting you. This isn’t an option. I am telling you to perform this task in order for you to recover.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m not doing it.” I said like a stubborn child, crossing my arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I think you prefer this much better than the other option.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which is?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, if you turn down the offer of doing this in the comfort of your own home, you will be temporarily dispatched to a facility for a week long holiday in which you will perform the exact task I laid out for you. I know, it’s extreme but we can’t have you refusing treatment. If you get any worse, you will be classified as mentally unstable and you will be segregated from the public due to you posing a threat.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So basically, if I don’t torture myself at home, you’re going to ship me off to the nuthouse so I can be tortured by a bunch of strangers.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If that’s how you intend to see it, yes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So either way, I’m still being tortured.” I frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I much prefer calling it, receiving treatment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, so how exactly do I torture myself without setting off an episode?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I suggest you gain Sarah’s help, and if you feel like you are going to be overwhelmed, introduce it slowly. Like the fragrance, possibly build up strength until you are used to it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But, like, how do you introduce a sandwich slowly?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I think that’s a circumstance you will just have to tough out Brendon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not making the torture any easier Dr Jo.” I frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My job isn’t to make it easy and relaxing, my job is to help you heal in the most efficient way possible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s not very nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what you’re paying me for.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I scowled. “Why the hell am I paying you anyway? You clearly aren’t helping very much.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you’re in the middle of a relapse, and progress is slow. But if you remember, I helped you the first time, and you pretty much recovered completely. And with time, you’ll get there again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone seems to promise that but I don’t see any evidence supporting it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, how about you start by trying the slow exposure. You’ll start to notice a different Brendon. And that should give you some hope for the future.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just want it to be finished now. I never want to come back here. I want it over. I’m sick of being insane, of being abnormal.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I learned a long time ago, you don’t get much sympathy from a therapist other than the silent passing of the tissues. But when I said that, for a split second, I saw a tiny glimpse of sympathy dotting her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Brendon.” She sighed. “I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why the hell are you still treating me? Why haven’t you given up on me like everyone seems to have?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because Brendon!” She snapped, something I didn’t realise she was capable of doing. “I actually want you to be better! I know that you have the capacity to recover, I’ve seen it before! And yet every time you come in here, you talk about yourself like you’re some hopeless case who was born a complete mope and never got any better. Brendon, you’re going to get better, but you have to WANT to get better and co-operate with me, okay?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do want to get better! Why can’t you see that!?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because all I’m hearing from you is that you’re not going to do the exercises to help you, you’re not going to take the medication to help you stay stable and a good father, and you’re not going to open up in these few sessions we have! Brendon, you say you want to get better, but your actions say otherwise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s because I’m afraid, okay!? Is that what you wanted to hear!? I’m afraid I’ll get better and then I’ll fall right back down again! It’s terrifying!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed and rubbed her temples. “Brendon, you have nothing to be afraid of. Sure, there is the very, very rare chance that you’ll have another relapse, but then I’ll help you again. It’s like you’re riding a rollercoaster Brendon, you’re going up and down. And over time, the ups will be longer, and the downs will be shorter, but it’s a long ride, and there is no eject button.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You and your analogies.” I muttered. “Climbing a mountain, riding a rollercoaster, what’s next? Catching a chicken?” I questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait.” I went quiet. “Rollercoasters?” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, Brendon, I didn’t mean to say that. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Breathe Brendon, come on. That’s it. Brendon, you’re hyperventilating. Brendon! Breathe! Please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I!” I began, stammering wildly. Tears began running down my face. “Everything’s my fault!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you know that it’s not.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But its is! Why else would I feel so damn guilty whenever I wake up?” I said as the tears became more frequent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you’re struggling with crippling survivor guilt and post traumatic stress disorder Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I shouldn’t even be here! Why won’t you let me do what I have to do?! I was supposed to die, and now that I’m trying to make up for it, you won’t let me!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because killing yourself is not going to solve anything Brendon!” She said crossly. “What would Damien think? You’ve finally got his daughter into a much better life, surrounded by people who love and care about her, and then you’re just going to leave her again?! So she can go back to her old life?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why is every single thing I want reflected back on others?! I want peace! I want to be six feet under the ground where I belong! And besides, Kaitlyn has Sarah!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No Brendon. Kaitlyn does not have Sarah if you go. You’re the one on the will. If you leave, Kaitlyn’s going to have nobody. And you do not belong six feet under Brendon. You belong here. With your wife, your daughter and your friend Gerard or whatever his name is. You belong above the ground and beneath the sky. With the people who love and care about you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I want it to be over, in the quickest and easiest way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suicide is quick and easy to you, but think Brendon, it’s long and agonising to others. You’d hurt them more than you’d even think possible. It’s hard being the sole survivor of a car crash Brendon, but it’s harder to lose a loved one to suicide, knowing that you could’ve helped them, that you could have done something to save them, but you didn’t, and now they’re gone. Brendon, you’re not getting rid of your pain, you’d be passing it on to everyone around you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But maybe, if it’s shared, it’ll hurt less. They won’t be alone like I am. They’ll have other people who know how they feel.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dammit Brendon!” She exclaimed. “Get it through your head! You can’t kill yourself, because you’re going to kill everyone around you in the process. Let’s go through what would happen. Brendon dies. Kaitlyn goes back to that group home. Sarah becomes a widow, and will probably end up depressed as she’ll lose everything. Gerard will probably do the same. What about the fans Brendon? How many people downloaded that single you released last year?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One point five million.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly! Brendon, you’ve got people who care so much about you and you’ve never even met them before. You’re needed on this earth Brendon, you can’t leave now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were a few soft knocks at the door. “Brendon? You’re 20 minutes over time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo smiled. “Come in Sarah, I think you’re needed in this conversation.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t include her.” I mumbled. “She doesn’t want to know…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah walked in and sat down next to me. “Is he alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon’s suicidal thoughts are getting worse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave Dr Jo the evil eye. “Thank you for sharing that delightful fact about me.” I remarked sarcastically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah forced her hand into mine. “What can I do?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you can help ‘torture’ Brendon as he likes to put it, by slowly exposing him to things he finds triggering. This will help him build up tolerance. That’s just to solve the PTSD in which I believe the depression has stemmed from. He was trying to convince me that suicide was a quick and easy escape, he believes that he was supposed to die.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A tear slid down Sarah’s cheek. “Brendon, why!?” She sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just let me leave.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She burst into full on tears, and Dr Jo passed the tissues with a grimace on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you see what you’re doing Brendon?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why does my opinion never matter? Why can’t I do what I wish to do, but all of you can?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed. “You don’t want to die Brendon, the disorder wants you to. That’s the problem. You think that it’s you making these decisions, but it’s not. The chemical imbalance in your brain, caused by that traumatic incident, is warping your decisions. That’s why we’re not letting you go through with it, because it’s not what you want Brendon. It’s what the disorder wants.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am my disorder. It is my decision. I’m going to do it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, Brendon, you’re not.” Dr Jo said slowly. “You’re not your disorder. I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s all anyone cares about anymore. It’s not like you pay attention to anything else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, I know this is hard, but I’m thinking that Brendon needs to be hospitalised tonight. The stakes are too high of him hurting himself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded with rivers of tears flowing down her cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re okay with them sending me off to the nuthouse?!” I snapped. “What kind of wife are you?! Don’t you respect my decisions?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s ENOUGH Brendon!” Dr Jo snapped at me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don't want go. I’m not letting you take me there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo tapped something into her computer. “The ambulance is on it’s way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ambulance?!” I snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you’re having an episode.” Dr Jo tried to explain as calmly as she could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not! You’re threatening to send me away from my family  I think it’s reasonable for me to be angry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sending you to a place where you’ll be taken care of tonight under the watchful eye of some of the best psychiatrists in the state. Brendon, this is for your own safety to make sure you don’t hurt yourself or others.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to go home.” I whimpered. “I want to be in bed. I want none of this to have happened. Actually, no, I wish I hadn’t been born. Damien and Lydia would still be alive, Sarah wouldn’t be wasting her money and Kaitlyn would actually have a reliable father.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I love you and I need you. You’re the love of my life, and I need you here with me.” Sarah whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sound of sirens drew closer, and soon enough, I was escorted into the back of an ambulance. Sarah followed the vehicle all the way to the ‘mental health unit’ and kissed me one last time before I was dragged inside, kicking and screaming all the way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was dragged right into a doctor's office where I was greeted with yet another therapist. A guy this time, and I could tell he was a tad more advanced than Dr Jo, judging by the fancy medical school diploma framed on his wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Urie?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I awoke from my daydream with a start. “Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you explain why you are here exactly? That is, if you are calm enough to cooperate.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I’m not can I just go to bed?” I asked hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if you aren’t calm you probably will be escorted to a padded cell and will return here once you have recovered. We can’t let you sleep until we are certain you aren’t posing a danger to yourself.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I sleep in the padded cell?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not quite. If you were to sleep, we would probably have to wake you. You aren’t necessarily here to sleep Mr Urie. And it’s probably best you learn to conform to procedures in case you find yourself here again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “I’m here because I told my wife and therapist that I was going to kill myself. Happy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not necessarily. Thank you for co-operating Mr Urie.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Urie was my father. Call me Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, Brendon. I was also told you were denying physical treatment. Is this correct?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I don’t know about you, but I don’t like being tortured. I don’t think giving myself heart palpitations and inducing crying is one of my favourite hobbies.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well despite your wishes, we are going to begin carrying out treatment while you are here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Then can I go to bed? I’m tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Possibly. We still have to carry out testing to ensure we don’t have to extend your stay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “Fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Also, your wife has consented to electroconvulsive therapy if we can’t seem to help you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, don’t electrocute me. I can’t even fathom that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Uri-Brendon, we will only do what is best for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You say that but you want to electrocute me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes, the extremes are the only methods that will work. Besides, it’s actually not that scary Brendon. You’ll be unconscious for the entire procedure, and you’ll wake up feeling happier. It’s actually quite a safe procedure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I won’t even know its happening?! Do you not understand how scary the thought of this is!?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor sighed. “Brendon, you’re here to get better. And if the only way to get better is electroconvulsive therapy, then so be it.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 19 - Not Hungry</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>***** Kaitlyn’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the day passed pretty quickly, and thankfully I managed to keep the new last name mostly under wraps. It wasn’t until I was about to head home that I landed myself in hot water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It seems little Miss Priss has decided to join us before she departs.” One of the older guys sneered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s Miss Urie, and what have I done to you? All of a sudden you seem to hate me with a passion, when before, you avoided me like the plague.” I questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you just so happened to injure someone who is very close to me, and no one should get away with that.”  They explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So Gretchen is very important to you? Please, explain?” I asked. They replied only with a solid slap across the face and a simple snide remark.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you won’t talk back next time.” They replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” I rushed, collecting my things and walking towards the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah was sitting in the car, looking more worried than usual. I climbed in the backseat and placed the bag on the seat next to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How was school bub?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “It was school. How was your day?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was fine. Did anything interesting happen?” Sarah pushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Nope. Nothing really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned and faced me. “Why’s your face red?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No it’s not.” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, what happened at school?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing.” I repeated, lying directly to her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you lying to me” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, no.” I stammered unconvincingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, please tell the truth.” She stated crossly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Some guys came up and slapped me on the way out of school. I dunno. I think it was something to do with Gretchen. But it’s no big deal, I’ll just avoid them in future.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bub, if someone hurts you, that’s a big deal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I’m only at this school until the end of the school. I can put it up with that until then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bub, it’s gonna feel a lot longer if people are going to keep hurting you.” Sarah explained. “We just want you to be happy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I know. But it was a generally happy day besides the 30 seconds at the end. I don’t want you to worry, because it’s honestly not a big deal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it is to me. I don’t want anything happening to you.” Sarah commented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A lot of stuff has happened to me Sarah, and this is fine. I can deal with this for the next few weeks. If not, I dunno, I’ll take a different exit. It’s not that hard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah was getting a bit tired of the conversation, and promptly changed the subject. “Did you eat lunch?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I squirmed around in the seat. “Um, maybe...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, did you actually eat?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” I breathed finally. “I wasn’t hungry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do know what this means, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t make me eat. I don’t know if I can.” I pleaded. “And besides,” I whispered. “I’ve vomited today already.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed. “You were fine when you left the house this morning, and I checked the bathrooms. So how’d you possibly throw up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I-I, um.” I started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah made a face. “You didn’t, um, make yourself throw up, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm, no? Well…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus, Kaitlyn.” Sarah muttered under her breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. I tried, but, well, we had to weigh ourselves in Gym and….well….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what did your gym teacher say?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He said my weight was abnormal. I never felt so disgusting before.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He said abnormal because you’re underweight, not overweight Kaitlyn.” Sarah tried to assure me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think so. He had this really disgusted look on his face.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, it’s probably because you have gotten really bad. He probably hasn’t seen that before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m not that bad… am I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bub, as much as I would love to say you aren’t that bad, what I saw at the doctor’s proved otherwise.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, we’ll work through it.” Sarah assured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the ride home was mostly silent. Sarah brought me to the kitchen, and made me up a sandwich. I cringed as she pushed the plate in front of me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to watch you eat this whole thing.” She said firmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s way too much Sarah. I can’t eat that!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re going to try.” Sarah said. “You need to eat Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t really. I’ve gone this far, who’s to say how far I can go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re not going to find out.” Sarah said. “Eat the sandwich, Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to eat Sarah. I’m not hungry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not leaving until you eat, Kaitlyn, and I highly advise you eat because I rented some awesome movies.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just looking at this makes me feel sick Sarah. I can’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you don’t pick it up and eat it yourself, I’m going to make you eat it with my own hands. Eat, Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon probably would just give up. Where is he anyway? Is he at work?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon got called for an emergency meeting in New York. I didn’t really get the full run down when he called me earlier. I suppose I’ll tell you when he’ll be back when I get a call from him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I’m still not eating this sandwich by the way.” I stated boldly. “I’ll eat when I’m hungry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah held her hand out. “Give me your phone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave her an odd look, and handed it over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll get this back when you eat the sandwich.” She stated firmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave her a funny look. “I have no attachment to that thing whatsoever. That threat isn’t going to work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah studied my face for a moment, before racing upstairs. I was a bit shocked when she came downstairs with my beloved blanket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what are you doing with that?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled a pair of scissors out of the drawer and positioned the blades over the soft satin trim.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You eat, or I’m cutting this in two.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you dare…” I growled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know how far I’ll go. Eat.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, please. I know that thing doesn’t look like much, but honestly, that piece of fabric has been the source of all my comfort for the last 4 years. Please, I’m begging you, I need that!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well eat. This exchange is pretty simple.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I folded my arms. “This isn’t fair.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And how is it not fair?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have a full blown mental disorder telling me not to eat, and you’re taunting me by threatening to cut up probably the only physical object I have any attachment to. Sarah, I want to eat that sandwich and get my blanket back, but I can’t! I can’t do it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, I told you that we would not treat you any different no matter what happened. You aren’t using your disorder as an excuse. I know this seems really mean, but it’s the only way this is going to work. Now eat.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please!” I cried. “I’ll give you anything! Don’t cut Ziggy!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ziggy?” Sarah paused. “This thing has a name?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “I was 10. Don’t judge me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, eat, and you can have Ziggy back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I lifted the sandwich up and tried to force a bite but I couldn’t. The harder I tried, the harder it was to not cry. After about the seventh try, the tears began spilling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re almost there bub, come on.” Sarah tried to encourage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t do this Sarah!” I sobbed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes you can. Come on. One bite, and you can have this thing back. Although I might need to wash it, it does smell.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a tiny bite, and immediately, my stomach tried to reject it. The tears continued as I tried to keep it down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good job!” Sarah said, patting me on the back slightly. “Now come on. We’ll get 3 bites down, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please! One is too much!” I said, almost throwing up then and there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t function on one teeny tiny bite of a sandwich for a whole day bub. Come on. We’ll keep going. One bite at a time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to force another bite, and as it began its descent, I gagged, almost losing everything I’d eaten so far.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look at you. 2 bites. You’re going well. Come on, let’s go 3rd time lucky.” Sarah said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I forced a third bite down, and rushed to the bathroom, but Sarah stood in my way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh no you don’t. You stay here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to push past her. “You’ve got to let me go to the bathroom!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I don’t. Kaitlyn, you need to keep something in your stomach so you don’t pass out from lack of nutrients or something.” Sarah said, forming a barrier between me and the toilet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I threw up a little in my mouth, but my sudden jerking didn’t seem to faze Sarah. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As a final desperate attempt, I turned around and raced to the kitchen sink. Before Sarah even had time to react, I shoved my fingers down my throat, and the three bites of sandwich plus a bit of stomach acid came up as puke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn Grace Urie!” Sarah scolded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry!” I sobbed, unable to control it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah turned the tap on, and handed me a glass of water to wash my mouth out. Finally, she wrapped me in my blanket and sat me down on the couch to watch a movie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to watch? We have…..” Was all I heard before I felt faint.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you get me some more water Sarah?’ </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She glanced up at me. “Are you okay Kaitlyn? You’re looking remarkably pale.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Sarah’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I t-think so.” She stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I rushed to the kitchen and grabbed another glass of water, and returned to the lounge. She’d practically passed out already, her eyelids were starting to droop, and her hands were shaking as I passed her the glass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Thanks.” She responded before going to take a sip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t get that far however. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head, and the glass slipped from her fingers, shattering on the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn? Kaitlyn?! KAITLYN?!” I asked as I shook her limp body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I picked her up and juggled with the key rack to try to get her to hospital. She was exceptionally light, and I could carry her to the car without any problems. I drove a little above the speed limit, and raced into the emergency room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I quickly filled out all the information as well as I can and we were sped through and sent to the emergency unit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is she okay?!” I rushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor looked at me. “She passed out from malnutrition, Mrs Urie. Have you been monitoring her eating?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been trying!” I exclaimed. “As soon as she’s out of my sight, she’s throwing up everything I make her eat!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mrs Urie, I know this is distressing but you need to calm down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My husband is in the mental health unit after relapsing on his PTSD, and now my daughter’s in the hospital for an eating disorder! What do I keep doing wrong?! I’m trying to help them, I really am!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mrs Urie, if you need to go home and rest, we will contact you with the information. It seems like we might have to hook her to a feeding tube overnight to build her immune system before she can go home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “I can’t leave her here alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can stay for another hour, but we can’t allow you to stay any longer. My deepest apologies Mrs Urie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can you just take me to her?” I sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure. Follow me.” The doctor instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I followed him through a couple of hallways until we reached the children’s ward. He opened the door and showed me to the bed near the window, where sure enough, Kaitlyn was tucked up in a hospital gown. She had a feeding tube going into her, and some oxygen tubes in her nose.She looked dreadful. I almost fell to pieces at the sight of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do I keep doing wrong?” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mrs Urie, I’m sure it’s not you. Maybe you should head home. You look like you need a rest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, maybe. I’ll be back tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Visiting hours are from 9 until 8.” The doctor said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “Thank you. Just, if she wakes up, call me, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will do Mrs Urie. Good luck with your husband also.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” I whispered tearfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I put on an old CD of Brendon’s that I had in the car to try and mask the silence, and trying to hype myself up. The house however was not as easy. Kaitlyn’s weird blanket was still on the couch where she had passed out, and Brendon’s magazines were scattered all over the coffee table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bed was empty, and it was only thanks to the smell of my absent husband that I was able to get to sleep. I drifted off to sleep with one single thought occupying my mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I have to be there to help everyone up, but who is there to catch me when I fall?</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 20- Away From Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>***** Brendon’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, let’s try this sample.” The doctor suggested, nearing a piece of paper near me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, no more. I’m tired. I really want to just sleep then I can go back home. Is that too much to ask?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sort of, yes. We’re doing 20 samples tonight, and then you can sleep. We’ve done 6.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sick of this. I’m not doing anymore. This is stupid. I’ve freaked out over every sample. Is that not all the information you need? Why do I have to be here? Tell Dr Jo and get me home to my wife and daughter.” I recommended.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, we’re not studying you, we’re treating you. I know it seems cruel right now, but when you get released back into the public, you’ll find that it actually really helps you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You make it sound like I’m some lab rat. ‘Being released back into the public’. And you are trying to tell me you aren’t studying me? I still don’t understand how torturing me helps my situation at all. If anything, the triggering has gotten worse.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s better you’re triggered in here where we can help you, rather than at home where we can’t Brendon. The aim of this is to slowly introduce the triggering substances, so that eventually you become accustomed to them and aren’t triggered by them anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just want to go home to my wife, who apparently hates me enough to agree to me being electrocuted and to my daughter who has no clue what is happening to me right now. And as I said, your method isn’t working. I’d rather not have an episode here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor just shook his head and sighed, before presenting me with Damien’s favourite candy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘No, please. Put it away!” I said, turning away from him. “I can’t do this!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He closed the lid on the candy and put it away. “Alright, break time. If you’ll make your way down the hall, you’ll find the dining room. Dinner time now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why am I even here?” I asked, crying at the thought of Damien.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dinner, Brendon. Or else we’ll continue with the samples.” The doctor sighed crossly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got up and wandered down the hall to where the dining room was said to be. I entered the room hesitantly, unsure whether I was in the right place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The plates and tables were all made of glass, obviously so the officials in the blue scrubs could see what we were doing at all times. There were about 15 people already seated, eating. I was lead to a table and a plate of food was pushed in front of me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pushed the food around the plate, not really paying attention. My appetite had been replaced with a variety of thoughts that were swarming my mind. It seemed as if I wasn’t getting better whatsoever and the pills just masked the problem.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, everyone was escorted out of the room, and their empty plates left behind. I continued playing with my uneaten food before taking a single bite.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, we have to continue the samples now.” I heard the doctor request.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I haven’t eaten yet!” I protested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve had half an hour to eat, and you’ve barely done anything other than push the food around on the plate. Are you intending to eat the cold mush on your plate?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“5 more minutes Brendon, and then we’re leaving no matter what you say.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned and shoved another bite down my throat. “What even is this stuff?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, if you aren’t going to eat that let's go.” The doctor instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m eating.” I muttered, spooning another small amount into my mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s five minutes. Let's go.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>One of the assistants leaned over to take my plate from my hands. I gripped it tightly, and gave her a stern look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I. Am. Not. Finished.” I grunted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Meal time is well and truly over Mr Urie.” She replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do I look like I care about that? I’m hungry. Let me eat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you were promised five minutes, and that time is up. Let’s return to the examination area please.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“NO!” I snapped, accidently pushing the plate onto the floor. The glass shattered, and the doctor and the assistant both sighed. That was, until I grabbed one of the shards of glass and held it at them like a knife.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t come near me! I’m not doing any more of that testing!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon! Put that down! You are only prolonging your time here by threatening us!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tried to take a step towards me and I held the glass dangerously close to his neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I’m not doing any more. I’m going home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t leaving until the testing has been complete. We will let you leave when we deem fit Mr Urie.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’M LEAVING NOW!” I screamed at them, pointing the glass at them threateningly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Help in the dining hall!” The assistant screamed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A whole team of people ran in, and there were too many for me to threateningly point glass at them all at once. In the end, I think I broke down in tears, and they escorted me away to a padded room, where I sat down and stared at this funny looking yellow stain for an hour because it looked a bit like Sarah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon?” I heard the doctor call from outside the room. “Can I talk to you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Leave!” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He came in anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you to leave!” I whispered at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, and I am medically trained to understand you brain, and therefore, I understand you need my help.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need your help.” I sniffled. “The only thing you want to do is shove things that make me upset and freak out in front of my face.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, remember when we were talking about electroconvulsive therapy?” He asked calmly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The one where my wife was more than happy for you to fry my brain with electric currents?” I snapped back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I’m asking this because we want to try it. It’s clear the other method is taking a negative toll on your mental health and that’s not what we aim to do.” He explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do I get a choice in the matter or are you just going to do it against my will?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, as much as we’d love to give you a say, it’s clear you wouldn’t agree. I am telling you because you deserve to be aware of what is happening to your body.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I scoffed. “Fine. Can I go to bed now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure Brendon. Just be aware that you are staying here slightly longer than we originally anticipated.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I speak to my wife?” I asked. “If you’re going to electrocute me, I’d like to say goodbye.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you aren’t going to pass away, but yes, you can call your wife.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He led me out of the padded cell, and to a small phone booth. He swiped a card through.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“10 minutes, Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I dialed the number, and it wasn’t long before I heard Sarah’s voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, it’s me. It’s your husband. Brendon.” I said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon? Are you okay? Is everything fine?” She asked nervously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt my eyes tearing up. “I-I broke the plate at dinner, and then I tried to threaten them to let me out, and now I’m stuck here for longer. They want to electrocute me Sarah! Supposedly you’re letting them!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, I know you are probably scared, and you don’t want it but I only want the best for you. Can you trust me on this one, Bren?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “I’ll try.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed. “Good. Now, I um, I have some news…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong Sarah, are you okay?” I panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine. Kaitlyn’s been admitted to the hospital overnight.” She said, sounding teary herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened to her?  Is she going to be okay?” I stressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I tried to make her eat, Brendon. She threw up in front of me. Shoved her fingers down her throat and everything. She passed out from malnutrition. They’ve got her on a feeding tube overnight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god. It’s all my fault. I should’ve been there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, Brendon this isn’t your fault. It’s mine, if anybody’s. I mean, I was too busy trying to stop her from getting to the bathroom to worry about the kitchen sink.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but you shouldn’t have been alone. If I were actually reliable for once we wouldn’t have half these problems.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon…” She sighed. “It’s not your fault. Do you hear me? Not. Your. Fault.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you know it is. Tell me your life wouldn’t be easier without me there bugging you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It would be ten million times harder Bren.” Sarah said. “Without the love of my life, I don’t know how I could possible go on. I mean-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The phone faded to a beeping noise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I turned to face the doctor. “What just happened?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You got your 10 minutes Brendon. Now come on. We’ll let you sleep now. Tomorrow we’ll begin the treatment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, I need more! I need to talk to Sarah! Please! I can’t go to sleep without hearing her say goodnight. Please!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor shook his head. “You can talk to her tomorrow, Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need her now.” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on. I’ll show you to your bed for the night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I followed him, still crying at the thought of having to leave Sarah behind. “I don’t wanna sleep anymore.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s 10pm Brendon. You need to sleep. Here’s your room. There’s some pyjamas on the bed, and there’s a toilet in the corner.” The doctor said, leading me to a bland room with a metal framed bed and a shiny metal toilet out in the glaring open. At least the room was private.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t realise I was in prison.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the doctor was already gone, and the door was locked behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was going to be a long night.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 21 - Start of Something New</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>***** Kaitlyn’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ughhhhh” I groaned as my eyelids fluttered open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I had expected to wake up back in my bed at the Urie household. But as soon as my eyes adjusted to light, I realised I was definitely not there. The walls were a different colour, and this bed was rock hard, and the bracelet around my wrist didn’t hide the fact that I was in the hospital.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My head throbbed and I glanced over my body. There was a tube going into about the spot my stomach would be. Following the tube, there was a small bag of white mix hanging on a stand above me. Some sort of feeding tube by the looks of things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A doctor entered the room. “Do you know where Sarah Urie is?” I asked her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I’ll call her and let her know that you’re awake. She was here a few minutes ago actually, I think she went downstairs to get some coffee. Anyway, do you remember why you’re here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have been diagnosed with OSFED, if I’m correct?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you passed out from lack of nutrition. Supposedly you’ve been purging, is that correct?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well…..uh…..”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take that as a yes then. You’re lack of willingness to eat, plus the fact that you refuse to keep anything you eat down, has led to this. You’ve been here since you were admitted last night. We’ve kept you on a feeding tube, hopefully to get some sort of nutrients into you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is stupid.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How in the world is this stupid?!” The doctor exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need a stupid feeding tube. I’m fine on my own.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor sighed. “Me and a couple of other doctors saved your life last night Kaitlyn. I don’t think it’s fair of you to say that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then how did you save me? Enlighten me because if this feeding tube is the only reason, that’s a tad pathetic for a group of people.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You hit your head.” The doctor stated. “Bad concussion. We had to treat you for it, which is especially hard when you’re unconscious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re lucky that I don’t want to die. You could be doing something that I could be completely against, that I don’t want you doing at all. Its risky performing procedures without consent.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We had the consent of Sarah. You’re a minor, you can’t give consent. Anyway, you really should be thanking us. Why are you being rude to me?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I just woke up in hospital without any memory of what happened to get me here!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were literally just told what happened, so stop being so rude and learn to appreciate the things people do for you!” The doctor scoffed as she walked out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and ran my fingers along the tube. It was only a couple of minutes later that Sarah walked in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn! You’re awake!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah, I guess?”  I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears had pooled in her eyes. “You scared me so much!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.”  I mumbled. “I didn’t mean to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve got to start eating Kaitlyn. And keep it down as well. Or else this happens.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a lot harder than it seems. Food just seems disgusting to me, as if it shouldn’t be near me. I don’t want something going in me that could lead to even more health problems due to fats and such if it doesn't have to.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re going to get more health problems if you don’t eat! Malnutrition leads to death!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A lot of things lead to death. At least this way, I’m not going to be fat when I die. I suppose.”  I responded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not fat. You’re the complete opposite.” Sarah tried to tell me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but I was. If you had seen me when I was much younger, you would’ve seen how disgusting I was. I don’t want to get back to that.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not going to Kaitlyn. You need to eat, to make sure that we don’t end up back here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t wish to eat though. You tried to make me eat and you yourself saw how that ended.” I reminded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With you in the hospital, after you passed out because you didn’t have enough nutrients in your body to keep going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It rarely ends up here. Most of the times I just get it all out and I’m fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed. “We’ve got a long way to go. But we’ll get you eating again. I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And if we don’t?”  I inquired.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There is no other option. Kaitlyn, if you don’t start eating and getting better, you’ll die. There’s no other option.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t going to make me eat. If I want to eat I’ll eat, okay?” I retaliated, sick of this argument.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Put the attitude away, Kaitlyn. It’s not needed nor wanted right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, well if I wasn’t in this stupid hospital with this stupid feeding tube, we wouldn’t be having this argument!”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But we are, Kaitlyn. So we’re going to have to talk about a way to get you to eat. What’s your favourite food?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a bit hard to have a favourite food if you don’t like food in general.”  I attacked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on. What’s something that you look forward to eating? Or used to, if that helps.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Ice-cream?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s our starting point.” Sarah said with a smile. “Do you have a bit of a sweet tooth?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess so.”  I responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “There we go. We’ll start with your favourites, and build up from there. Sugary foods, although not so full of nutrients, have a lot of energy so I suppose that’s good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just don’t want to eat lots. Just a little bit.”  I specified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to push a giant dessert platter in front of you. Don’t worry. We’ll just start slow. That’s the only way to go at this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I was rude to you.  This is just a bit overwhelming, and a bit scary.” I tried to explain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s scary for me too bub. It’s okay. We’ll get through this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Promise? I don’t think I want to be back here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise.” Sarah said, holding her pinky out to me. I extended my pinky out and clasped onto hers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Sarah…” I asked. “Did you hear back from Brendon? When is he coming back?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t have an exact date. He said he’d be there for longer than he anticipated though.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay.” I responded. “It still feels like Brendon hates me for some reason. I don’t know why but I want to so I can fix it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah gulped, and I could tell she was debating something in her head. “Bub, Brendon’s going through some, uh, tough things at the moment. Not about you, don’t worry. But he’s really struggling with them, and I know it might seem like he doesn’t like you, but I promise, he likes you plenty. He’s just having a bit of trouble currently.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is he okay? Is Brendon fine? Is that why he isn’t here?!”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon’s okay bub. He’s in New York. Don’t stress about it, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want him to be okay. I don’t want him to die or anything. What if he crashes on the way home? What if he never comes home?!”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, he is fine. He is not going to die, and he’ll be home soon enough, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How can you be so sure? Machinery fails all the time!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, Kaitlyn. He’s fine. If you’re so nervous, I can ask him to get a car ride home or something. But he’ll be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to lose him before I get a chance to tell him I love him….What if I don’t? Oh no!”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah took a deep breath. “Bub, I’m sure he’ll be home soon. And you’ll get to tell him. I promise. Now, let’s change the subject. What do you want to do this weekend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I wanted to go to a music shop with you and Brendon...But that's a silly idea. What do you want to do?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can go to a music shop. What sort of instrument are you thinking about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I know a bit of piano, but I also want to learn guitar, so I don’t really know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can go have a look at the big music place in the city. I’m not sure if Brendon will be back though, so maybe we can do some more shopping.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay then.” I said, a little bit disappointed that I might not get to see Brendon. Sure, Sarah was nice but I wanted more time with him. He was also off doing something and I don’t think I’ve even properly talked to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure Brendon will be happy to teach you some instruments bub. He’s quite good at a lot of them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to muster a small smile so Sarah wouldn’t pick up on my down mood, and I think i had done a pretty good job, for a quick attempt, that is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor entered the room again. “Ah, Mrs Urie. We’re almost ready to remove the feeding tube, and from there, you’re free to go home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds great.”  Sarah responded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it going to hurt when you take it out?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You might feel a little weird but it shouldn’t hurt, no. If it does, tell me and I’ll stop, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded unsurely. “Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ready?”  The doctor asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I sure hope so.” I whispered, grabbing Sarah’s hand for comfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“3……..2…….” The doctor said, grabbing the tube. “1!” He said as he seamlessly pulled out the tube.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It slid out of my body coated in blood, making me feel ill. The doctor put a cotton ball on the open wound, and used some medical tape to cover the hole.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That wasn’t so bad, was it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, no, I don’t think so?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor looked over us. “Well, Mrs Urie, if you wish to come with me, you can sign the release papers. Kaitlyn, I suppose you can get changed and then you can leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, thank you.” Sarah said, following the doctor. She handed me some clothes of mine that she must’ve brought from home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got changed in the bathroom, and brushed my fingers through the frizz of my hair to try and make it look somewhat presentable. I sat on the visiting chair until Sarah returned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you, um, bring me any shoes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah checked her bag. “I’m afraid not. Sorry. Are you alright to head to the car without?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I should be fine.”  I responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We headed out of the hospital, and walked to the car before getting in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go relax at home, shall we?”  Sarah asked,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “That sounds nice. Do you still have those DVD’s that we were going to watch yesterday?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do. Do you just want to sit down and watch some movies?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Unless you want to do something else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope. We shall watch movies.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>----------------------------------------------------------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Tea?” Sarah offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t go out and buy tea just for me, did you?” I asked with a cringe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you that you should have some things of your own around the house.”  Sarah responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I suppose.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am a woman of my word Kaitlyn.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can see that.” I nodded, looking at the box of tea bags on the counter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go into the lounge.” “Would you like some? I’m making coffee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I blushed. “Yes please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Choose one of the movies off the table as I finish up here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wandered over to the table and eventually decided on the maze runner. Sarah complimented me on my choice, before bringing me my tea, and we sat on the couch to watch it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We were really into it, until about a quarter of the way through the film, Sarah’s phone rang. She paused the movie and answered it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon! It’s so good to hear from you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, deep breaths. It can’t be that bad, can it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah?! What’s happening?! Is Brendon okay?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you’re okay. I promise, this will get better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah?!” I asked. “Sarah can I talk to Brendon?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah looked at me, and gulped. “Um, Brendon, Kaitlyn wants to talk to you. Should I put her on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Brendon’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, sure…..”  I answered, made nervous as I waited for Kaitlyn’s reaction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The phone muffled slightly, and sure enough, Kaitlyn’s voice started coming through on the phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon?! Are you okay in New York?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>New York? That’s where Sarah must’ve said I was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, New York is good. I’m fine.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor supervising me gave me a weird look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was really scared… Sarah was panicking and I thought you were in danger.” Kaitlyn stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, I’m fine. The view from hotel room is great.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so. Do you know when you’ll be back yet?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I don’t.” I sighed. “But it shouldn’t be too long. I just have to sort something out with my producer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Stay safe. Can I say one more thing?” Kaitlyn asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I-I lov-”  The phone cut out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn? KAITLYN?!” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your 10 minutes is up Brendon.” The doctor said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve got to give me more time! She had something important to tell me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m afraid that’s all the time you have Mr Ur-Brendon. Please come with me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please!”  I screamed at the officer, receiving only a shake of the head. I begrudgingly followed doctor and tried to blink away the tears that had arisen as I tried to piece together her message.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lead me to a small room, where they’d set up a hospital bed. “Now, Mr Urie,” He stated. “We’re going to have you lie down, and we’ll give you some gas to make you to go sleep. When you wake up, the whole thing will be over, and you should feel much better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so.” I sobbed, still not ready for what lie ahead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another doctor entered the room, and I laid down on the bed. They put a mask on my face, and soon enough, the room faded to black.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 22 - ECT</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Brendon?”  The doctor asked as he stood above me. Everything faded back into focus and I sat up and noticed the odd sensation residing in my head. “Are you okay? Do you feel alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to mutter a response. “Uh…..”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon?” the doctor asked again. “Can you say your name please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh… B-Brendon Ur-Urie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you squeeze my hand please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt the doctor’s hand in mine, and I did my best to try and squeeze it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?”  I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve just had your first round of ECT. We’re just running some mandatory tests, while helping you adjust back to reality.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that why my head feels all weird and everything is kinda muffled?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” The doctor nodded. “Your wife is here. She would like to know if you would like to see her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm, yeah…..I wanna see Sarah.” I responded drowsily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Send her in.” The doctor called to the door. A few seconds later, my wife entered with worry plastered all over her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren? How are you?” She whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel funny.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah rubbed circles into my back. “Do you feel like you’re going to be sick?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I lightly nodded as I tried to maintain my developing nausea. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor returned with a sick bag, and Sarah held it just below my lips. Sure enough, within a couple of seconds, I was spewing uncontrollably with it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good Bren. You’re alright.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmmm…” I mumbled as the doctor took the bag of vomit from Sarah. I laid back down and stared at the ceiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want some water Bren?” Sarah asked worriedly, brushing her fingers over my forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmmhm.” I muttered as I sat back up preparing for the water. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somebody handed me a paper cup, and I drank it greedily, only just realising how thirsty I was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I could do this again.”  I mumbled. Sarah rubbed my back gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it normal for him to be like this after the ECT?” Sarah asked the doctor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. He’s actually reacting quite well considering this was his first round. We have him down for a second in one month’s time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As long as he’s fine I guess. How long will he have to stay when it comes time for the second round?’ Sarah asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, he should be good by later tonight. He’ll probably only need a night or two.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When will we know if it’s working?” I asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll know Brendon.” The doctor explained. “You’ll notice. We’ll have a check in with your psychologist to check your progress weekly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Can I go home now?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your mental state is still affected by the medication. You can go home tomorrow, when your head won’t feel as funny, and you’re no longer nauseous.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what do I do while I wait? Do I just sit here?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you can have a sleep if you want. You’re no longer in the mental health unit, we’ve moved you to the general hospital. There’s a TV in here too if you wish to watch it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does Sarah have to go? Can she stay?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can stay until 3, then I have to go pick Kaitlyn up from school.” Sarah said. “I’m here for 2 hours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This feels so weird. I feels like I can’t control anything but I can. It’s weird. Is that normal?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” The doctor stated plainly. “The effects will wear off over time, you don’t need to worry about staying like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh okay.”  I responded. “I want a hug. Can I have a hug Sarah?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah wrapped her arms around me in a much bigger hug than I was expecting. “Of course Bren. Always.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’d you come see me? I’m not very good company at the moment. You could be like….shopping... or something. Then you come back when I’m like normal.” I laughed. “Normal. What even is normal?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, there is no such thing as normal. And I want to be here, because I love you.” Sarah said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awww. I love you too! You’re an awesome wife Sarah. Wuv You!” I said, pulling her in for a kiss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She giggled and kissed me back. “I know you’re a bit of it right now, but this is amazing. I’ve missed Happy Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “So I had this idea for a song right, and it’s like, about Socks. Ya know?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Socks? Why socks?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cause they’re cool and practical, orrrrr my other idea……..”  I teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s your other idea Brendon.” Sarah giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could write a song about you!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve already done that Brendon. A couple of times.” She said. “And they’re beautiful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I could do another one. And it will be better than rest!”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about me would you write?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. There’s too many good things to choose from.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah blushed. “I love you Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you more, and the mostest! I win!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She chuckled. “You win Brendon. You win.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “I think I need to become prettier. What do you think?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you’re beautiful the way you are Brendon. You’re perfect.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aww. So are you. Don’t ever leave me. I love you more than anything. It’d take a long time for me to let go.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m never going to leave you Brendon. Never.” Sarah assured me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so lucky to have you. I imagine most people would’ve left me by now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m lucky to have you, Brendon.” Sarah said with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should get a fish.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A fish?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re cool! Or a puppy. We should get a puppy.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What type of puppy should we get Brendon?” Sarah asked, looking interested in the idea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ummm….” I started, falling into a deep thought. “We should get like a labrador or like a border collie! Or maybe a small dog, hmm. What do you think?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d like to get a corgi.” Sarah said with a small smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Corgi’s are cute. Maybe we could get a Shih Tzu. They are so cute and fluffy!” I suggested. “Or maybe a maltese! I really want a dog now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe tomorrow we can go and have a look at some puppies.” Sarah suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “I’m going to write a song about puppies.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you should Bren.” She replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m tired but I wanna talk to you Sarah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can sleep if you want to Bren. That’s fine. I’ll be here for another hour and a half.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Goodnight Sarah.”  I said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I leaned back on the pillow and closed my eyes, drifting off to sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>---------------------------------------------------------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah?” I yawned, having just woken up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon! I’m just leaving. Got to go pick Kaitlyn up from school.” She said apologetically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. That’s okay I guess.”  I said, disappointed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be back tomorrow after I drop her off. And then we can go home or go shopping for some puppies, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Have fun.” I stated blandly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She walked over and gave me a kiss. “Love you Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love you too.”  I replied stalely even though I had realised my jealousy was stupid. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed. “I want to stay with you Brendon, I really do. But what is Kaitlyn supposed to do if I don’t pick her up from school?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I know you have to but I don’t want you to. I’ve finally got some of my wits about me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah giggled, remembering our conversation a few hours ago. “Yeah, I’m afraid I have to go. I’ll call you tonight, okay? Here’s your phone, and here’s the TV remote if you want to watch something. And you can speak to Kaitlyn too. Tell her you’re coming home from New York tomorrow. She’ll be glad to have you back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Have a good night babe. Stay safe.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good night Sarah. Can I have one more kiss before you leave?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah leaned over and gave me a kiss before collecting her stuff and heading out the door.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 23 - Just Bloody Eat Kaitlyn!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>***** Sarah’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt a tad awful for leaving Brendon, but I knew I had to get to the school to pick Kaitlyn up. The car ride to the school was awfully quiet, but I daren’t put on a CD as it made me feel even worse for leaving Bren alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I reached the school pick up area and pulled in. It wasn’t long before Kaitlyn climbed in, this time with a much more visible injury.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened!?” I asked in shock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn made a face. “Um…. yeah….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How on earth did you get another black eye?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just spoke back to some people I probably shouldn’t’ve. Not a big deal.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, this is a really big deal. I’ve taken you to school two days, both you’ve come home with injuries sustained from other people. That’s a 100 percent injury rate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just a black eye. It’s not like they broke my arm or something, far out Sarah.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get you home so we can put some ice on it. But you can’t keep going like this Kaitlyn. This isn’t fair on you. You do realise that you’re being assaulted, correct?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but I much rather they bash me up instead of someone who can’t handle it.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They shouldn’t be bashing ANYBODY up!” I exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes but they are. I’m gonna be the punching bag, alright? I don’t want others getting hurt.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus Kaitlyn.” I muttered. “You’re gonna get yourself killed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah well at least it’s not someone who lives with their biological parents. If I die you guys will just go back to doing whatever you did before I was here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you honestly think that you’re less of a person because your parents are dead?” I asked in utter shock and disbelief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, yeah. I was raised in a group home, I act different to everyone else and I never particularly had a parental figure. I had no one praising me for my grades, or cheering on the sidelines, I am just alone.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not any more.” I said firmly. “Now, you’ve got me and Brendon. You’ve got two people who love and care about you. And we love and care about you too much to let you become a punching bag.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do. Brendon is busy being a celebrity. Too busy to care at all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon loves and cares about you as much, if not more than me bub. He just has a little trouble showing it, that’s all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you eat lunch today?” I asked, pretty sure I knew the answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope.” She said, popping the ‘p’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I thought we agreed that you were going to try and start eating.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was going to, I just wasn’t hungry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ever hungry Kaitlyn?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, not particularly no.” She responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do realise that you will be eating something when we get home, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I don’t really want to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t matter. What matters is that you don’t end up in the hospital again. Oh, and I made you an appointment to start therapy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh joy. Next I’m gonna be in the nuthouse.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I made a face. “You really shouldn’t joke about those things Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why? Are you offended by them Sarah? Did you have to go there or something? What was it for?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, someone I was friends with for a really long time had to go there a couple of times. He had severe depression. It’s just not nice to joke about those things, okay?” I clarified, hoping she wouldn’t pick up on the fact that I was talking about Brendon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Sorry.” Kaitlyn said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. Just, don’t do it again, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Got it.” She nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled the car up in the garage and we headed inside. I sat Kaitlyn down at the bench, and handed her a bowl with a scoop of ice cream inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I tried to not put too much in. Hopefully you can eat that whole bowl.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, but, I’ll try.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “That’s the spirit!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had a small spoonful and immediately reacted to the temperature. “It’s cold.” She commented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s ice cream. What were you expecting?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I just haven’t had really cold food in a while.” She said, taking another small spoonful up to her lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s okay.” I smiled, pleased with the fact that she was actually eating something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had another small spoonful. “I’m full.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on.” I said. “You can finish the bowl bub. There’s not much there, and I believe in you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s still quite a bit though…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve eaten half. Come on, you can finish it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only one more spoonful.” She specified, eating the spoonful she had just collated. “There. I’m not having anymore.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, one more, please.” I said. “Do I need to threaten to cut your blanket again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please! I need it.”  She said, lifting up what was left in the bowl and shoving it in her mouth. She made a disgusted face as she swallowed it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There we go. Good girl. I’m proud of you. Wanna call Brendon and tell him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn sighed. “Can we not make a big deal about this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine. Do you still wanna call Brendon?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Can I use your phone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I bought you a phone. Don’t you want to use that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, right. Sorry, forgot.” She said, pulling the phone out of her bag. She dialled the number and brought it to her ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello Brendon.”  She greeted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I only heard one side of the conversation, but it seemed to be going okay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re coming home tomorrow?! Really?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t wait to see you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know the last time we spoke the phone cut off, but I just really wanted to let you know that I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was smiling after that so I assumed Brendon was very happy to hear her say that. Eventually she passed the phone to me so I could speak to Brendon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah!” He said. I could hear his smile in his voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren! There you are!” I smiled. “How are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She said it Sarah. I can’t believe it! I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good for you Bren. Did you say it back?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course! I’m surprised she said it so soon too!”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just shows Bren, you’re doing a great job.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really want to be home with you babe. It’s pretty lonely in here and all I can find on TV is reality shows or infomercials.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be home tomorrow Bren. Maybe ask if you can watch a DVD or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I’ve had troubles getting to sleep, I figured that’d make time pass quicker but I couldn’t sleep for very long. I asked the doctor and he said he couldn’t do much about it so I’m just sitting around.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm… maybe you could count sheep or something. I don’t know, to be honest. I got Kaitlyn to eat something. It was a scoop of ice cream, but it was something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s awesome Sarah! See, this is why you’re in charge. You’re good at this kind of stuff.” He commented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled. “Thanks Brendon. I’m sure you’ll be good at it too. All it really takes is a little threatening with a little encouragement.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t threaten her badly, right?” Brendon asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no, no. I um, I threatened to cut her blanket in two. She seemed to go for that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That seems a bit harsh…” He stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, we’ve got to make sure she eats something. And it’s not like I’d actually do it. That smelly old thing means the world to her for some reason. She even gave it a name.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so Sarah.” He replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Well what would you have done then? What else was I supposed to do? There’s nothing else that she has any sort of attachment to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Maybe I just have a distorted view of things. It might not be mean, I just think it is. I suppose I can blame that on whatever the hell is going on in my head.” He responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, that doesn’t affect this. I just, I’m not letting her end up in the hospital again. We can do better than that. And I know it’s hard being mean, but that seems to be the only way to go about this. It’s just tough love.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. I just should back off a bit.” He replied sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, I’m just asking for your opinion. We’re both her parents now, so we need to find a way to attack this problem that works for both of us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I don’t think my suggestions would work. She just doesn’t understand how scary this is, for her even.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe we need to sit down tomorrow night. Have a big conversation about how scary this is for us, and for her, and we really need her to work hard. We could go with that for a bit, and if it doesn’t get any sort of results, then we can return to my tough love method.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. By the way, sorry that all of my muddle is interrupting all of this. If I were a bit more around I might actually help a bit more.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, Brendon it’s fine. You're going to be back tomorrow anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In other Kaitlyn news, she's getting beat up at school.” I sighed. “She came home with a black eye today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Far out. That school is nothing but trouble, I swear. Is there anything we can do about it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suggested that I go and see someone at the school, but honestly, she gave me this speech about how it didn't matter if she got beat up because she doesn't live with her biological parents. It's, well, astonishing how little self worth she has.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I still can’t help but feel like it’s my fault. Have you been chipping away at the whole self worth situation?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm trying Bren. She's hard to convince. I've made her a therapy appointment, but she's not excited.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god. What’d she say when you told her about that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I decided to hide the nuthouse comment. “She just said that she didn't want to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Almost sounds familiar.” He chuckled. “When’s the appointment?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Saturday.” I said. “Speaking of the weekend, she wanted to go to a music store. You up for that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure! As long as nothing pops up I guess.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awesome. Still up for puppies tomorrow?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Most definitely.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm, Sarah, with the whole electroconvulsive therapy or whatever it is called, do I still have to go to therapy twice a week?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you’ll still have to go Bren, if you’re lucky, she might cut it back. It all depends babe.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really hope this works. I just want it to be back to normal between us again. I feel like all of this mess has gotten in the way between us.” He explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll get there babe. I promise.” I assured. “We’ll get there again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to try to get some sleep. If I can’t I might talk to the doctor about some sleeping pills for tonight. Have a good night babe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You too Bren. Stay safe.”  I said as he hung up the phone. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Chapter 24 - Puppies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>***** Brendon’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well Mr Urie, I suppose you can go home today. When your wife arrives and signs the paperwork, you’re free to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled at the doctor. “Sounds good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He put the clipboard down on the end of the bed, and left the room. I turned the TV on and watched the morning TV shows, before Sarah arrived at 9.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ready to go puppy shopping now Bren? Then we can head home.” Sarah suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Puppies! I’m in.” I said with a smile. “Did you bring me some clothes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled and handed me a bag. “And I remembered shoes this time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that a reference to something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no, when I was picking Kaitlyn up, I forgot to bring her shoes. Bit of a mistake on my part. But I brought you some shoes, so, yay!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shoes are vital. I’ll get dressed and you can get whatever you need to done, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Got it. See you in a few minutes babe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I went and got changed into the clothes Sarah had brought me, while she went and signed the release papers. Within 10 minutes, we were ready to go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Puppies!” I squealed once we’d left the building.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah giggled. “What type of puppy should we get?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should get a border collie!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got into the car and my excitement slightly faded. I tried to hide it though, so Sarah wouldn’t worry about me. However, trying to hide something from my wife is like trying to hide from somebody by closing your eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong Brendon?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing really. I guess I’m just thinking back to the therapy session, then the hospital. It’s just freaking me out a little.” I tried to explain. “So basically I’m being stupid again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you’re not stupid. What exactly is freaking you out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m scared you are going to take me back there. It just wasn’t really a nice place. I guess I’ll have to go back eventually though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, I’m not taking you back to the hospital. We’ve only just left. You’re seemingly a million times better already, without exaggeration. Sure, in a month we’ll just go over the ECT again, but you shouldn’t react as badly next time. Now come on, let’s think of some puppy names! It’s actually quite lucky for us that the day we picked to look for a puppy is the same day that there is this big breeder convention with thousands of puppies for sale.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. What would you want to call the puppy?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I suppose it depends on the gender. What are some names that you like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure. I kind of like the name Opal for a girl…” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s pretty cute.” Sarah said with a smile. “Maybe for a boy, like, if we continued with the ‘O’ theme, we could go with Ollie, short for Oliver.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I couldn’t help but smile when I looked over at Sarah. “That’s perfect babe.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blushed. “We’ve got names. Now we need to find the perfect pup.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where exactly is said breeder convention?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah pulled into a car park. “In this big hall, supposedly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I shall take your word for it.” I responded, happily at the thought of puppies. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We climbed out of the car, and I slipped my hand into Sarah’s. We walked into the massive hall, and immediately the only thing I could smell was dog. All I could hear was the bustle of people, and the excited barks and yaps of all the puppies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go find our new family member, shall we?” Sarah proposed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Let’s go!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah grabbed a map of the convention, and put red circles around the 6 border collie breeders. She also circled a couple of pet accessory stands, after all, we’d need leads and collars and things. She led me to one of the breeders and she immediately began talking with the person running the stand. I stood awkwardly behind her, not sure what to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, these ones are already sold.” She sighed. “We’re off to the next one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay.” I said, traipsing behind her as she headed to the next stand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked around 4 breeder stations, and again, they were all sold. I figured border collies must’ve been high in demand earlier in the day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, we reached the 5th breeder. He had two black ones running around together on some fake grass, and they were pretty cute.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me,” Sarah asked the breeder. “Are these ones sold?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The breeder smiled at us. “No, they’re for sale. But I’m not splitting them up. That’s the only reason they haven’t sold yet, nobody wants two. But if you’re happy to take the both of them, then they’re all yours. One boy, one girl.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah turned to me and smiled. I lightly nodded and Sarah turned around. “We’d love to take them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The breeder had us sign the paperwork, and Sarah paid the cash. Within 10 minutes, I was holding the two balls of black and white fur.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello.” I whispered to them. “You’re Urie’s now.” I said, snuggling them into my chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah giggled and took the girl off me to cuddle. “We still going with Opal and Ollie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sound’s absolutely perfect.” I said, looking down at who was now Ollie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get them collars! And leads!” Sarah grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To the accessory stands we go!” I directed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We may have gone a bit overboard at the accessory stand. Sarah had splurged on these glittery collars, and I had picked some pet beds. Then we bought dog food, glittery leads, and some doggy costumes because Sarah and I both thought that they’d be exceptionally cute in costume. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shall we take our new babies home Bren?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “We shall. By the way, what’s the time? Do we need to pick Kaitlyn up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yes! We can do that with the pups in the car!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’d be a nice way to greet her, especially if she’s had a bad day.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds amazing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We put the puppies in a cardboard box, and seatbelted that into the backseat. That way Kaitlyn would be able to see them herself when she climbed in the car. We drove to the school pick up area and began waiting for Kaitlyn to come out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she did. She looked horrible, and she was limping slightly as she walked out to the car. Sarah and I exchanged a glance, knowing we’d have to rectify this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey bub!” Sarah greeted as Kaitlyn climbed into the car. “We went shopping today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Brendon!” Kaitlyn smiled at me, having not seen me for a while. “What did you buy today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Open the box.” I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She opened up the box and I saw her eyes light up when Opal and Ollie began jumping around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Puppies!’” She exclaimed. “You brought puppies!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled. “Opal and Ollie. Border Collies. The Urie clan is now 5 members.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They are adorable!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can give them a cuddle if you’d like.” I offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She scooped them out of the box, and started giggling as they licked her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You guys are the best!” She laughed, juggling the energetic pups in her hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We got home, and put them down on the floor so they could run around and explore. They seemingly had a great time, yapping and running up to us and jumping around. It was incredible fun, and we even started to teach them how to play fetch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I turned to Sarah. “Drowsy Brendon has some awesome ideas.” I commented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which are?” Sarah giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The puppies, my new single about socks, you know, normal stuff.” I laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t wait to hear the sock song. I betcha it’s going to be a hit. People go crazy over that sort of stuff.” Sarah laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do we have any plans for this afternoon, babe?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “Nope. Just us, Kaitlyn, Opal and Ollie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awesome. I wouldn’t want it any other way.” I said, pulling her in for a kiss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She giggled. “I love you Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too Sarah. You’re the best wife I could ask for.” I said, as I rocked her in a hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You two are the cutest!” Kaitlyn laughed as she chased after Ollie. However, both Sarah and I realised that she was still limping slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay Kaitlyn? You look a bit sore. Come sit down.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sat down at the table, and Sarah and I sat down as well. Sarah gulped, and looked at me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, we need to talk to you about a couple of things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I in trouble? I’m sorry!” She apologized frantically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, you’re not in trouble bub. There’s just a couple of things that we’ve, well, got to discuss with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ummm, okay then?” She responded nervously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose we’ll start with that limp.” I gulped. “Sarah tells me that you’ve, well, allowed yourself to be beaten up for the sake of others.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well yeah, I don’t want them to get hurt.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” I said sternly. “This ends now. No more coming home from school with bruises and limps and black eyes. That is not going to be accepted in this house. Sure, it may have been ignored at the awful place you used to live, but you have people here who love and care about you. Kaitlyn, we can’t ignore this. You’re being hurt, and if you continue to let it happen, then eventually you’re going to get seriously hurt, and we don’t want that for you. At all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, okay. I’ll try.” She responded hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright.” I nodded. “Next issue of discussion.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah took my hand under the table. “Kaitlyn, we need to talk about what happened at that hospital.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Why?!” She questioned defensively. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “Sarah told me the only way that she could get you to eat was by threatening you, and I don’t want to take that approach any more. I don’t think that’s fair on you. However, that means we have to work out something else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well what do you wanna know? They stuck me on a feeding tube. That’s about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed. “Kaitlyn, you might not care about that, but we really do. Do you know how scared as I was as your eyes rolled into the back of your head and you passed out right in front of me? I was terrified, and quite frankly, Brendon was too from over the phone. We need to find a way to get you to eat, or else we face the quite real possibility of losing you bub. And we can’t do that. We can’t lose you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I could tell Kaitlyn was starting to realise the consequences of her actions as Sarah’s eyes pooled with tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And that means you’ve got to start eating, Kaitlyn. No more turning away food after two bites, no more throwing up what you ate. And we’re going to have to find a way to get you to do that without threatening to cut your blanket in half, because currently that’s the only thing that’s working.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to try and eat, and get healthy for you but it’s hard. It seems like my brain has been rewired to reject food.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We understand that,” I said gently. “But we need you to work a little harder. We’re going to see if we can start a system of positive reinforcements, and we’re going to see how that works. But you’ve got to work with us on this, or else we’re going to have to go back to the threats.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I could see the thought of threats made her uncomfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll try, I really will. I just might need some help along the way.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll help you.” Sarah said reassuringly. “But you need to want the help. And you need to help us help you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll try, I swear.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.” I smiled. “Now, what are we going to have for dinner?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was thinking about pasta. How does that sound to everyone?” Sarah asked, glancing around the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds great. Kaitlyn?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um… Okay.” She said awkwardly, not excited at the prospect. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perk up!” I said passed by her in my way to the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She forced herself to smile at me and then went back to playing with the puppies. I helped Sarah in the kitchen, making dinner together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, could you get the cheese out of the fridge for me? It’s almost ready.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed the cheese and handed it to Sarah, before setting the table so it looked nice. I walked back to the kitchen where Sarah was dishing up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for your help Bren. Made my job a lot easier.” Sarah stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I beamed with pride. “It's no problem. It's an honour to cook with the most beautiful woman in the world.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah blushed. “Aww. Thanks Bren. And I have the honour of cooking with only the most handsome man on world.” She said, bringing me in for a hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled and planted a kiss on her lips. “I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too Bren.” She replied happily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn! Dinners ready!” I called. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Coming!” She yelled in reply. She walked into the dining room with Ollie and Opal following her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We sat down at the table, and Sarah served the pasta. Kaitlyn and I both looked at the amount of food on her plate. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, aren't we trying to get her to eat more than a few bites?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah this is too much!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, Bren, if she wants more she can have more but it seems like she’s not even going to eat this. Come on Kaitlyn.” Sarah responded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn gulped. “I don't think I can eat anything to be honest right now. I'm still full from lunch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on bub. I know you can do it.” Sarah encouraged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell you what,” I suggested. “You finish what's on your plate, and I'll take you to the music store tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked to be considering it before she brought a forkful up to her mouth and swallowed what she had put into her mouth. Her face told of disgust but she persisted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can't eat any more.” She said, putting the fork down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, bub.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I can't.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just try for us.” Sarah said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I already did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on Kaitlyn. We want you to be healthy. Just eat for us, okay?” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm trying Brendon!” She exclaimed. “This is honestly the best I can do!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, calm down. Just one more bite, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head, and tears started pooling in her eyes. “I can't.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why can’t you Kaitlyn?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I'm full! Just thinking about it makes me want to throw up! I'm going to be sick!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “You can’t be full after one bite. And I don’t think you even ate at lunch.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hot tears began running down her face. “I can't eat anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, please, just have a little bit more. Then you can go off and continue with whatever you were doing, okay?” I proposed as I looked over to Sarah, who now appeared distressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, bub, just eat something, anything!” Sarah cried. “I don’t want you back in the hospital!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can't!” She sobbed. “I really can't!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What will it take to get you to eat? Sarah is crying now, far out Kaitlyn.” I scolded, turning to console Sarah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is why I had to go to threats!” Sarah sobbed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Sarah. I should’ve just listened.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked upstairs and found the ratty blanket sitting on the end of the bed. Kaitlyn’s tears worsened as I brought it down, and worse again when I held the scissors threateningly close. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to eat?” I questioned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please!” She begged. “I'll give you anything you want!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What we want is for you eat, Kaitlyn.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I can't!” She blubbered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eat.” I commanded. “One more bite  and you can have it back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took a swipe for the blanket. I was certainly not expecting it, and as I jumped back, the only sound that anyone could hear, was the sound of the scissors tearing through the fabric. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah gasped. “You weren't supposed to actually cut it Brendon!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn was looking at the two halves of the blanket, silent tears running down her cheeks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah dragged me into another room. “What the hell Brendon!?” She screamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was an accident!” I defended. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are we going to do now?” She wondered aloud, pacing around the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She's gonna hate me.” I stated, reality sinking in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You just destroyed the only thing she's ever loved! Of course she's going to be mad at you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sunk to the floor, my back to the wall. “First her parents, now her blanket.” I said, crying. “I’m horrible!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, how the hell are you going to make it up to her?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I DON’T KNOW SARAH!” I snapped. “LEAVE BEFORE I SCREW EVERYTHING UP FOR YOU TOO!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sniffled. “Well, we need to sort something out.” She said, seemingly ignoring my comment about her leaving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You go. I’m going to make it worse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God Brendon. We've hit rock bottom. We've got nowhere to go but up right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for it all.” I whimpered, wiping away my tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It's not me you've got to apologise to.” Sarah sighed. “Come on, let's go see what we can do. I'll dig out my sewing machine. Maybe I'll see if I can repair it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I followed Sarah back into the dining room and saw Kaitlyn crying into her destroyed blanket. She saw me out of the corner of her eye and gave me the filthiest, most hate-filled look she could conjure. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry Kaitlyn. I honestly don’t expect you to talk to me, but Sarah was talking about trying to sew it back together. How does that sound?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She just continued giving me the dirty look. Sarah pulled her into a hug, and she took her upstairs along with the puppies. I just wandered into my office and locked myself in, hoping to get away from all that mess.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the framed photo of Damien and Lydia on my desk said otherwise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why the hell am I still here? I should just stop trying to tie everything up and make it better. It’s clearly not working.” I mumbled to myself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After about 20 minutes, Sarah knocked on my door. “Bren, I've got the sewing machine. Come on, let's see if we can fix this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sick of trying to fix things. I wish all of this would just work out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It will with time Bren, but we need to fix this first. Come on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can go. I’ll come out later, maybe. I don’t know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The thread is in there, Brendon. And come on, you need to fix this. I wasn't the one who cut the blanket in half.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!” I snapped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That doesn't mean that you don't have to fix it!” Sarah snapped back. “You can't keep complaining about her not liking you, when you're not willing to help her!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She already likes you Sarah. You fix it and I’ll just hide out in here in silence. That’s a good plan. I just won’t come out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, you need to listen to me. She already loves you, she told you that. Now you need to show her that you love her by fixing this. I'm not saying it will be immediate, but come on. I need the thread in there anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed the thread and opened the door, pushing it out of the crack before closing the door. “There you go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get OUT here Brendon.” Sarah snapped at me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I’m an adult, so for the love of god, please stop treating me like a child. I will elect what I will and won’t do.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you're an adult, then you need to come out here and take responsibility for what you've done and see what you can do to fix it. I'm not fixing the blanket. I'll show you how to do it so you can, but I'm not doing it by myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going near that sewing machine Sarah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then I guess you’ll never hear Kaitlyn say she loves you again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, Sarah, you can do that, you can earn her appreciation. I don’t trust myself the sewing machine. I’d love to fix it but there has to be some other way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed. “Come and find me when you're willing to learn. I'm not going to sit here and argue with you anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard her footsteps get quieter and quieter. I held the quilt blanket Lydia had started for Kaitlyn in my hands. It’s stupid that this was the reason I couldn’t bring myself to sew. I stared at the unfinished corners, the ones she had left for another day. The other day never came. I started crying, feeling horribly pathetic that I’m still acting this way, but I tried to muffle my tears so Sarah wouldn’t come down and start calling me pathetic for not doing anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shoved the blanket into my drawer, and opened my laptop, going straight to google. I hoped Sarah wouldn't go through my search history, because I'm pretty sure ‘how to quilt’ isn't really considered normal in grown men's search history. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It all seemed so confusing, so foreign, but I was going try it anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled the needle out of the drawer, and threaded it. I tried to bring myself to begin quilting the blanket, but the closer I got, the more scared I got that I would mess it up. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>God Brendon! Just do it already!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What if I mess up? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I started getting anxious so I put the needle down. As I ran my fingers over the soft fabric, I knew it would be catastrophic if I messed up. Ruined all Lydia’s hard work. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I put the quilt away and just sat down and began looking around the office. It was reasonably peaceful, until I heard Kaitlyn’s quiet sobs from upstairs. I felt so guilty, yet I couldn’t bring myself to do anything about it. I just sat and stared at the door, almost as if I were waiting for something to happen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But nothing did. The clock ticked all the way past midnight before I came out of my hiding spot. The bed was empty, and I found Sarah snoozing next to a very distraught looking Kaitlyn, and our two puppies. The bed was full, so I had to go to my bed by myself, and sleep without the slow breathing of my wife next to me.  </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Chapter 25- The Shrink (Part 3)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“You've got to sort something out with Kaitlyn, or at least let me teach you how to repair the blanket. She couldn't sleep last night, the only way I could get her to sleep was by me sleeping there too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I’ll have to sort something out. I’m just trying to piece together how.” I responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you've got to act soon. I can't sleep in there every night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I mean, you could…” I subtly suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, please.” She sighed. “You're my husband. I want to sleep with you. But for that to happen, we've got to figure something else out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, do you have any suggestions?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I've offered to teach you how to fix the blanket. If you truly want to win her back over, you'll have to do some sort of grand gesture as well. ”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not good at that sort of stuff Sarah!” I retaliated. “I don’t know how to impress people!”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, it's easy. She said she wanted to learn music. Fix the blanket, then teach her guitar or something. Easy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think that’ll work?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I like…..hand sew the blanket? Instead of the machine?” I asked sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds harder, but I suppose it's alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled lightly. “Thanks.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn joined us in absolute silence. She refused to look at me, and the only thing she said to Sarah was that she wasn't hungry this morning.  She then wandered back to her room, leaving us alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This might be worse than we thought Bren.” Sarah whispered nervously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” Was all I whispered in return.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you missed Thursday’s therapy session, Dr Jo is going to squeeze you in today. Kaitlyn has an appointment at the same time, so you should be good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay. I guess I should probably get dressed then.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “We're leaving in half an hour.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked up into the room, abandoning Sarah at the table and scavenged for what clothes I intended on wearing today. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I just settled on my average outfit of a t-shirt and jeans with sneakers. I brushed my hair, and headed downstairs, where Kaitlyn was waiting to go with a scowl on her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I just decided to ignore it for now, pulling out my phone and reading tweets while I waited for Sarah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once we arrived, we took our seats in the waiting room. Thankfully, Kaitlyn was called into see some other person first, so she didn't see me walk into Dr Jo’s office. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello Brendon.” She greeted without even looking up from a selection of paper she appeared to be perusing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi.” I said bluntly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I've made my daughter never want to speak to me again, so I'm going to say horrible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How on earth did you manage that, Brendon?” She said, looking up at me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She had this blanket, right? And it was hers, it was pretty much the only thing she had that held any worth to her. She had a big fight with the owner of the group home so she could keep it when she moved in with us. She's had the thing for years, and it was really important to her. And I was trying to get her to freaking eat something for dinner last night, but she wouldn't eat, because of that bloody disorder. It’s been a battle to get her to eat anything.  And so I got it, and I had scissors, and I was telling her that if she didn't eat, I would cut it. And then she tried to snatch it from my grip, and, well, I accidentally cut the thing into two pieces.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, and how did you react when this all played out?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I cried. And locked myself in my office.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, and what has Sarah been saying about it?’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She's mad. Because I didn't want to try and help her fix the blanket.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, and why didn’t you want to help her fix it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, she kept going on about using the sewing machine, but I just kept thinking back to Lydia, and the stuff she would make, and it just freaked me out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you do realise that you’re going to have to make it up to Kaitlyn if you want her to forgive you, correct?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I just don’t know how to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to repair the blanket.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I fiddled with my fingers. “I want to finish the other blanket, but I can’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How many blankets does she have?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, she had just the one. Lydia, her mother, was quilting another one for her, but she wasn’t able to finish it. I wanted to finish it, and give her that one. It’s beautiful, but I’m terrified I’m going to mess it up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m not a quilting expert, so I can’t help you in that regard, but if you do finish it, I think she would love it.” She commented. “I suppose I should ask, how’d it go at the hospital?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” I mumbled. “They electrocuted me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, do you think it helped at all Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose.” I mumbled. “Sarah seems to think so. We went and bought puppies yesterday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are they providing a bit of a distraction from everything for you Brendon?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re very cute.” I said with a small smile. “Hang on, I might have a picture.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled my phone out of my pocket and showed Dr Jo a picture. “Opal and Ollie.” I introduced. “Border collies. They’re the cutest things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad they are making you happy Brendon. It’s good to see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We were all having a really good time yesterday before the blanket incident.” I said with a smile, thinking fondly of the memory.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think the electroconvulsive therapy worked? You explained briefly, but are you actually feeling significantly better?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I think so, and so does Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully there isn’t too much more of that in store for you then. Now, you probably don’t want to discuss this, and you’ve probably put it in the past, but I got a report from the hospital and it mentions you threatening the staff. What happened there Brendon?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was before the ECT.” I sighed. “They were torturing me, and they weren’t nice about it! It was like they were just shoving things under my face, and not giving me time to recover. And I didn’t want to go back after dinner, and there was this piece of glass, and well, I did hold it like a knife at them for a while.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My, my Brendon. Hopefully that won’t happen again. If we keep seeing improvement like this, you probably won’t have to go back to the hospital at all. Then it can be back to just these normal sessions. How does that sound?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I broke out in a smile. “That sounds pretty good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really hope you keep improving this fast. You’re doing a pretty good job on the depression side of things, and just earlier, you were referencing Lydia without too much hassle.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Yeah, I suppose. But it still hurts to think about them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure it does Brendon.” She said. “But hopefully when we’re done it’ll hurt a little bit less.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Yeah, that would be nice I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there anything else you want to talk about?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you make a teenage girl like you?” I asked. “Just, general advice?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm. That’s a tough question. Well, do you know what she likes? I know with my little one, she tends to like artsy sorts of stuff, so I take her to galleries and such. Maybe work out what she likes and try and do activities involving that, she might enjoy that, and then that memory is attached to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She doesn’t like anything though.” I sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing at all?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If she does, then she’s never been allowed to do it. Her whole life has revolved around school and the group home. She’s never been given a chance to explore her own interests.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well maybe you can help her find her interests.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you do that?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just take her out, and do some fun stuff. You can go to a zoo, or go see a band live or something. Just let her experience some things.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you reckon she’d enjoy it if I took her to a theme park?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Depends. Here’s a question, would you enjoy going to a theme park?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I think so.” I nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm okay.” She responded, seemingly surprised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do I not look like a theme park kind of guy?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it just seems a bit odd to me. I wasn’t really expecting you too. Obviously, if you do that's fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Oh, okay. Well, thanks for the advice. Am I free to go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just one more question. I know you’ve been away, but have you been taking your medication?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I flashed her a grin as I walked out the door. “I have actually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have fun Brendon.” She said as I made my way down to the waiting room. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Kaitlyn’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi! I’m Dr Linda Blackinstone, and I’m going to be your new psychologist.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ignored her chirpy attitude. “Kaitlyn. Your new nutcase.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s no way to treat yourself! You should be happy you’re here, you’re going to get better!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” I mumbled, looking down at my shoes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be like that!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we just get started?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Well okay, shall we start with why you are here?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should know that already.” I mumbled. “You’ve got my file right in front of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I want you to tell me. That is how this works Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “OSFED. Eating disorder. Generally insane.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The first two out of those three are correct.” Dr Linda said. “Now, is there any reason for your current state of gloom?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “I’m mad at the Urie’s. More Brendon than Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what happened to make you dislike your parents?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My </span>
  <em>
    <span>parents </span>
  </em>
  <span>are dead.” I stated. “Brendon cut the only thing I’ve ever loved in half.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see how that could make you saddened. My apologies for your parents.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine.” I muttered. “I never knew them anyway. The only thing I’ve ever really known was the foster family I lived with for a couple of years, and then that horrible group home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s move on. May I ask why you don’t want to eat?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pass.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay then, is it not eating, or are you worse with purging?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not eating.” I muttered. “Purging is plan B if I get forced to eat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do understand that this is seriously unhealthy, and that it could be fatal?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s better than being fat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so that’s why you don’t want to eat. What makes you think that a little bit of food will make you fat?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you not seen food nowadays?” I asked. “Mrs Hungin made us watch this documentary on the amount of sugar in everything. I don’t know, I haven’t been able to look at food the same since.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are healthier alternatives. You don’t have to eat food high in sugars.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything is high in sugars!” I snapped. “Everything is bad for me! Pretty much everything!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There, right there. You said pretty much. You know there are foods that aren’t complete trash. So why do you not request said foods?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because the Urie’s have spent enough money on me already. I don’t want to be a burden. I don’t want to have to make them accommodate me, plus those foods are really expensive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It will probably equate to more if they have to pay for medical treatment. I suggest you ask them, because even if they do say no, that gives room for you to come up with an alternative.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And if they do purchase it, you are going to have to eat it and keep it down. Are you aware of this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You say that like it’s nothing big.” I mumbled. “Like it’s easy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it isn’t, but if your par-guardians are going to adapt, you will have to also.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t I just keep going the way I’m going?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you could, I don’t think you’d be here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned. “Can I go now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose so.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I lept up and off that seat as quick as I possibly could, before racing back out to the waiting room, where Brendon and Sarah were sitting, both looking at their phones.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um...Hello?” I directed rudely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled warmly at me. “How’d it go bub?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we just go?” I asked, itching to get out of this horrible place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay then.” Sarah responded, surprised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah had to sign something, and then we were free to go. It was only on the drive home that Sarah started asking questions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, what did you talk about in there?” She asked, making eye contact through the rear view mirror.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just about me having to eat and stuff. And then I was telling her about all the bad foods, then she told me to ask you for healthy foods.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we can do that. How about later we go to the supermarket together?” Sarah suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to.” I mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I am.” Sarah said firmly. “Want to come with us Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I opened my mouth to say something, before quickly closing it again. I couldn’t just come out and tell them that I didn’t want him to come.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure. Don’t be alarmed if I disappear. I really shouldn’t, but I need to refill the beer stock.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah went really quiet when she whispered. “Do you really think alcohol is a good idea Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry. It won't get as bad as last time.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was funny.” I chuckled. “You and Gerard are my new OTP.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m married Kaitlyn.” Brendon stated firmly. “And I’m your father.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My father is dead.” I said flatly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t remind me…..” He trailed off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For some reason, I felt like pushing it further. He had caused nothing but pain for me since last night, so I wanted to make it painful for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s true Brendon. He’s dead. Gone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” He huffed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And my mother too. Six feet under.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ha! Wrong! She was cremated!” Brendon rebutted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does that even matter at this point? She’s not anymore alive.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you just shut up?” He murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to talk about my parents.” I said. “Can you tell me a story about them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Something cool.” I shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, your parents decided they wanted the world's weirdest wedding so they decided they wanted to have it in some kind of abandoned factory. It was pretty cool, but really echoey. They got married just after you were born, so you had to stay with your grandparents for their honeymoon, but on the night of the wedding, you apparently slept through the whole thing. That night your father took everyone, considering it was a small wedding, to a karaoke bar and we just screwed around, doing some drunk duets. Your father always had been a fun person to hang around.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about my Mom?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was always, always very conservative. It was quite funny watching her tag along with Damien and I when we went out. We went skydiving once, and she was listing all the things that could go wrong, and then when she was getting ready to jump, she just screamed all the way down.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You went skydiving with my parents?” I asked, a little astounded. “You don’t seem like an adrenaline junkie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I definitely wasn’t. Your father just had that influence on me. I am significantly more conservative now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon,” I asked shakily, “How did my parents die?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh….” He responded nervously. “They died in a car accident…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where?” I asked, almost more nervous than him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ummm….” He began, “They died on Parkinson’s.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then it felt like the earth had shifted out of alignment. Everything made sense. That’s why I’ve always been nervous and fidgety while driving down that road. And Brendon too. It hit me like a tonne of bricks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” I stammered. “Thanks for telling me, I suppose.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s fine.” He stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re home!” Sarah exclaimed a little too positively, changing the attention from our conversation. “Let’s go see Opal and Ollie!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wandered over to the sound of the dogs barking, leaving Brendon and Sarah behind.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to the office.”  I stated blandly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on Bren. Don’t isolate me.” Sarah said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve got Kaitlyn.” I explained, gesturing to the teenager that was chasing the puppies in the backyard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I want to talk to you.” Sarah explained. “I haven’t talked to you much after you returned.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what do you want to talk about?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, about everything. About the therapy, the hospital, what happened in the car. I want to know what is going on inside your head.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s my least favourite topic of conversation.” I stated blandly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, but once I know what’s going on, we can talk about happier things.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” I grumbled, finally climbing out of the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go to the bedroom so we can relax a bit, okay?” Sarah suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I guess.” I responded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked up the stairs and sat down on our bed. Sarah rested her head on my shoulder and lightly stroked my hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How was therapy?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was okay. Better than usual I guess.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s great Bren!” She smiled. “What did you talk about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I told her about the whole thing with Kaitlyn, then we talked about…...the hospital….. and she was saying that since I’ve seemingly improved so much, I shouldn’t have to go there much more. And then she said that the whole PTSD thing is improving too, along with the depression because I was talking about Lydia and didn’t well….breakdown I guess.” I recounted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s so amazing Brendon, I knew you could do it. I love you so much, and I’m so proud of you.” Sarah sighed happily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave her a small, and quite glum smile. “Yeah, I guess so.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened in the car Bren?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I was trying to hold it together, but she kept talking about it and…..” I trailed off before bursting into tears. “She’s gonna find out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You did a great job Bren. I think she was pushing it a little. I think she wanted to make you hurt a little because of the blanket incident. But you did a good job of turning it around.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was more than a little.” I sobbed. “I don’t need to be constantly reminded that I killed them! And that they’re never coming back!” I cried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, it’s okay. It’s over now. And you know that you didn’t kill them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-But I did! What if I hurt you, or Kaitlyn?! Oh god! Sarah, you should leave. I don’t want to hurt you! Oh god. I feel like I’m about to do something stupid!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah slipped her hands gently into mine. “Bren, please calm down. You’re okay. I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you aren’t! I don’t want to kill you too! I’m dangerous. God, I feel like I need to be locked for what I’m even thinking about!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you’ve never killed anybody, and you’re never going to.” Sarah tried to tell me. “Please, deep breaths.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need to break something, anything. I need to get this out of my system fast before I hurt someone.” I panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah opened her bedside table and handed me a pencil. “Snap this Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I snapped the pencil clean in half and took a second to enjoy the satisfaction it brought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, I’ve got an idea. It might be hard though.” Sarah said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are y-you gonna torture me?” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah shook her head. “No. No. Of course not. I think you should give Kaitlyn her parent’s photo albums. Not only will this satisfy her need for information about her parents so you don’t have to talk about them, it will also give me some peace of mind that you’re not torturing yourself with those pictures late at night like you used to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-But, I don’t want her to find out. And I need those pictures. It’s all I have left.” I stuttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you got pretty much everything in their will. You have piles of their stuff in storage lockers. And the fact is, it’s not like you’re burning them. You could just ask Kaitlyn if you wanted to look at them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. It only feels fair I torture myself after what I did. That’s probably what they want.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Brendon, it’s not.” Sarah said, running her fingers through my hair. “They’d want you to be happy. And Kaitlyn too. I think it’s worthwhile. If you’re really unsure about it, just let her look through them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay. Could you, could you get me my pills?  The pencil helped but I think I need something more, so I don’t do anything.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Course, Bren. Let’s head downstairs.” I followed Sarah out of the room, and downstairs where I sat at the island counter in the kitchen with my head in my hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doesn’t it scare you, when I’m like this, I mean? Like, it terrifies me. I don’t want you getting hurt.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you’d never hurt me Bren. I think you build it up in your head a little.” Sarah said, pushing the white pill and the blue pill across the bench with a glass of water. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” I responded, swallowing the pills. “I might build it up, but it’s like, one second I could be fine, then one little thing sets me off and I feel horrible. I become terrified of myself and I just can’t control anything. That’s why I tell you to leave. I feel like I’m going to have some kind of outburst.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re okay now Bren.” Sarah assured me. “I’m here to protect you. And myself. I’m stronger than I look.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just, just don’t ever let me do anything to you, or Kaitlyn for that matter.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled. “Never. And I’ll never let you do anything to yourself either. Anyway, speaking of Kaitlyn, where do you keep the photo albums?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re in my bedside table, I think. If not, the office.” I responded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah planted a kiss on my cheek. “Thank you.” She whispered. “For being brave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I’m brave. If anything, I’m pathetic.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Sarah was already up the stairs, heading to our bedroom. She returned a few minutes later with the 5 albums, all in different colours. I gulped as I saw them again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn!” She called. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I began shaking a little at the sight of the albums, being taken back to the worst night. I fiddled with my fingers in my lap to try to distract myself, to stop shaking, and to give the medicine time to work. I looked away as the shaking got worse, cursing the pills that didn’t seem to work. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god.” I mumbled before looking myself in the office to get away from it all. I kept away from anything that reminded me of them and just stared at the bare wall. Luckily, it helped to an extent, and I was no longer shaking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, I heard Sarah knock on the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She's up in her room with the albums, Bren. Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know Sarah.” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t lock the door, so she entered and sat down next to me. I rested my head on her shoulder and sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Bren.” Sarah assured me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I feel horrible. It seems like this is all a huge deal to me, and nothing to you. I should’ve just held it together out there. I’m so stupid. Just seeing the stupid albums make me freak out.” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, it fine, I promise. I don’t mind that you couldn’t hold it together, it's fine that the albums freak you out. I promise, you aren’t stupid at all. If anything, you are really smart by trying to combat it yourself. I’m proud of you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought I was getting better!” I said, bursting into a fit of silent tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you are Brendon, I promise. I know it still seems like you are at your lowest, because of your breakdown, and now this, but I promise, it is nowhere near as bad as it was. I need you to hold onto that hope for a little bit longer, just until you can see how much all of this is helping.” Sarah said, grasping my hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked up at her beautiful face. “Thanks.” I said plainly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem Bren.” She responded. “I’d do absolutely anything for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled and put my hand in hers. “I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too Bren.” Sarah said, snuggling into my chest. “More than you could possibly imagine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna mess around on the piano. Wanna come?” I said, standing up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure! I’d love to!” Sarah said, following me over to the piano.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down, Sarah sitting beside me and rested my fingers on the keys, attempting to determine what I was going to play. I started playing a few chords, and they didn’t sound horrible, so I continued. I ended up playing a short tune, one that I was quite happy with. I started playing the same tune over and over again until I had memorised it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to start dinner, okay?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure. I think I might head into the studio.” I responded. Sarah smiled at me before disappearing into the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I locked the door to the studio behind me, and picked up a guitar. I had the melody I created stuck in my head, so I strummed along to what I remembered and ending up recording it. I was just starting to record the drum piece when I got a text from Sarah. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dinner’s Almost Ready. :) &lt;3</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I put the drumsticks down, and left the studio. I snuck up behind Sarah, who was stirring a pot of homemade sauce and engulfed her in a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello.” I whispered in her ear. I saw her smile and turn around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Why hello there. Would you like to bring some plates to the table for me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” I said, pulling three plates, along with three sets of suitable cutlery and set the table as Sarah brought the food out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you teach me how to cook?” I spontaneously asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, sure? Why’s that?” Sarah asked, slightly confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to help you out.” I explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to Bren.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to feel like a child anymore.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do I make you feel like that? I’m sorry Bren! You should’ve said something! Of course I’ll teach you!” Sarah rushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine Sarah, really. I was just talking about it with Dr Jo and she suggested I tried to help you out.” </span>
</p><p><span>“Okay. Let’s sit down.” Sarah suggested. “KAITLYN! </span> <span>Dinner!” </span></p><p>
  <span>I walked over to the kitchen and grabbed a beer before sitting down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really, Brendon?” Sarah commented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” I responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have to drink right now?”  She asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?! It’s just one?” I retaliated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just sit down.” Sarah sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a sip of my beer and placed it on the table. Kaitlyn raced down the stairs and joined us, taking a nervous breath in when she saw the food on her plate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is a lot….” She commented. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we not do this again?” I asked. “Please, just eat Kaitlyn. Last night was, well, disastrous. I don’t want a repeat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t say. It wouldn’t be a disaster if you hadn’t of been here, ya know?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn Grace!” Sarah scolded. “Apologise!”</span>
</p><p><span>“No, it’s fine Sarah. She’s right.” I responded lightly, chugging it </span>down the rest of my beer and grabbing another, in attempts to forget.</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t matter. That was rude. Kaitlyn, apologise now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For the love of god.” She mumbled. “I’m sorry that you are an incapable human being.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“KAITLYN!” Sarah shouted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, truly, it's fine. I’m leaving so yowo can enjoy your dinner.” I said, grabbing my wallet, keys and my beer before heading toward the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ignored the sound of Sarah and Kaitlyn arguing, and called Gerard. He picked up almost immediately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Meet at Tonya’s?” He asked, almost sensing the reason I had called.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good.” I nodded.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Chapter 26- Night Time Adventures</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>I found myself leaning against the wall outside the bar on my phone as I waited for Gerard. The cool night winds whipped around me, and I shivered slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard arrived within 10 minutes of me, and we entered together, earning ourselves a lounge seat. I went up to purchase a drink, but Gerard wouldn’t let me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on! Why not Gee?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because Brendon.” He replied. “You don’t have any control. One drink turns into seven. And I got a text from Sarah to say you’d had a beer with dinner too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can control it fine. Don’t worry. I’ll be back.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard sighed as I returned with a glass of beer. I brought him a glass of water as a peace gesture.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No more after that. That means no shots either.” Gerard dictated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “Killjoy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard let out a small smile, thinking fondly of his past before it fizzled out. “Do you want to talk, or are you just here to get drunk?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know how to sew?” I asked. “Or quilt for that matter?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not particularly no. Why are you asking exactly?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I cut Kaitlyn’s blanket in half by accident. And this blanket, it’s the only thing that she’s ever really had any connection with. And I need to fix this, because she really hates me now. Really, really, really hates me. And I’m not exaggerating either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I don’t know. Have you asked Sarah at all?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “She wants me to fix it. She’s offered to teach me to use the machine, but it just reminds me of Lydia, and that freaks me out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I honestly am no help Brendon. I’m sorry. Is there anything else you wanna talk about particularly?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you be a good father? How do you make your kids love you?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know Bren. Have fun with her, just relax with her. There’s not a lot I can see. You’re sailing a completely different ship than me Brendon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever broken something of Bandit’s that you’ve need to make up to her?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well not really, but she gets really mad when I leave. That’s when I’ve got to kind of be a super dad.” Gerard explained,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you be a super dad?” I questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Basically do anything and everything she wants. Buy her stuff, take her places, tell her things she wants to hear. Stuff like that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Sounds easy enough. Problem is, Kaitlyn doesn’t want to be anywhere near me at the moment. She’s furious. And she has good reason, I mean, I practically destroyed her favourite thing in the universe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It probably seems that way, but maybe you have to force the conversation a little bit. She mightn’t realise she wants to talk and you could change that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded as I tipped the last of the beer down my throat. “Maybe, um, we could do like a double father/daughter day. Like, you bring Bandit, I’ll bring Kaitlyn. That way you can help if I stuff up.” I suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If that's what you wish to do, that’s fine. Just tell me when you want it to occur.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was thinking maybe we could go to a theme park.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds awesome. Do you want to go for a walk around town, and just relax for a bit, so we aren’t so cramped and surrounded by alcohol.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Sounds good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I paid for my beer and we walked out onto the strip. I bought myself an ice cream, and Gerard bought one too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I miss just hanging out, with no stupid distractions and mental issues and stuff. It’s nice to do things like this.”  I commented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard smiled at me. “It is nice Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to go back home yet to be perfectly honest. I might book a hotel. Wanna join me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really should get home, sorry Brendon. Enjoy yourself though.” Gerard stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I waved him goodbye and headed towards a cheap hotel to stay the night. On the way, I stopped at a liquor store and bought a few beers for tonight and then made my way to the reception.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stared mindlessly at the last bottle in the packet.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Sarah wont let me take this home…...I’ll just drink it now.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>I slurred, bringing the bottle up to my lips. I skulled the entire bottle down and laid down on my bed, where I inevitably passed out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>****Sarah’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This has to be the one. Brendon is just enjoying himself, that's why he isn’t picking up. He’s not in danger.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hello, this is Brendon Urie. Please leave a message after the beep. *</span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.*”</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <span>I stopped trying to call Brendon, determining that it was a hopeless cause and called Gerard, hoping he knew what was going on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gerard?” I asked, scared. I tried to force my worries down deep as his phone rang to voicemail after the 14th call. Surely, he would have picked up by now. I had grounded Kaitlyn for a week, and she was sitting in her room, probably going over those photo albums again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I called Brendon again, but it went straight to voicemail. The pit of dread growing in my stomach was growing worse by the minute.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, please calm down!” I heard from Kaitlyn’s room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I put my phone in my pocket and wandered cautiously over to the door, where Kaitlyn was actually using the phone we bought her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, Brendon, please. How much did you drink?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t hate you for cutting my blanket, but I need you to tell me where you are, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon please! I’m trying to help you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn sighed and handed the phone to me. “He’s really, really drunk. Supposedly he’s alone, and he called me, and he was just sobbing uncontrollably about how sorry he is for the blanket incident, and how he doesn’t want me to hate him. I’ve been trying to squeeze a location out of him, but that’s not working.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pressed the phone to my ear. “Brendon, where are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry!” Brendon sobbed on the other end of the line. “I’m sorry Sarah!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, you didn’t do anything wrong! Where are you? I need to come and get you.” I asked frantically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m near that thing! You know, that thing! And Gerard was here but he left and I tried to book a hotel room because I didn’t wanna come home but then I drank the beer and now I’m near the thing, and I don’t know how to get back to the hotel!” He sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What thing?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The big thing! It’s big and shiny and it’s giving me a headache but I don’t want to move because then I’ll get more lost”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you describe it to me?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s like, big and shiny, and it’s like, a man, but he’s not like, alive. He’s made of metal. And he’s holding a gun. But I already checked, there’s no bullets in it so I’m safe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Stay there, okay Brendon? Don’t move.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay. It’s cold, can you bring a blanket or s-something?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will. Stay safe Brendon. I’m coming.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-------------------------------------------------------------------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled up on the side of the road, where I saw Brendon sitting on a bench, tense and someone sitting beside him, trying to comfort him. As I got closer, it seemed the face was familiar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah! He’s a bit shaken up. I just saw him lying there when I walked by a little while ago, maybe you know what’s going on.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked closer and noticed it was Dr Jo. “Do you think he is okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “I just want him to come in tomorrow. I’ll be waiting in my office. I don’t think it’s too bad but I still want a check up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and sat beside Brendon. “Are you okay Bren?” I said, taking his hand. I noticed he was violently shaking. He nodded and curled up, with his knees under his chin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanna go home.” He sobbed, before wiping his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I laid a blanket I had brought over his shoulders. “I know Bren. Are you ready to leave?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. I led him to the car, and started it up, turning on the heater in the process. He snuggled into the blanket and fell asleep beside me.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Chapter 27 - Brendon/Kaitlyn Bonding Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I woke up on the couch with Sarah passed out on the floor beside me. As soon as I moved, she stirred. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren?” She asked sleepily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”  I responded. I leaned over, feeling nausea take over. “I’ll be back.”  I began walking to the bathroom, but wasn’t able to get there in time, as I doubled over and threw up onto the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah came up behind me and rubbed circles into my back. “It’s okay Bren. Let’s get you to the bathroom so we can clean you up, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded up and stood up feebly, following behind Sarah, and taking caution to avoid the vomit. As soon as I entered the bathroom, I ended up hugging the toilet and excreting whatever was left from last night and some stomach bile along with it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Bren, get it all out.” She said, kneeling behind me. “You had a pretty rough night.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hate alcohol.” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I’m going to put you on an alcohol ban for a while.” Sarah said. “You can’t keep coming home ridiculously drunk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, okay. That’s probably for the best.”  I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “I’m glad you think so. I was worried you wouldn’t agree. Anyway, Kaitlyn’s come down with the flu, so she’s upstairs in her room watching some youtube on her phone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should probably sort stuff out with her.”  I mumbled. “I hope she isn’t worried.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think she’s a bit worried, but she’s sort of kicking herself for making you think she hated you. You called her last night, before you called me, and started sobbing about how sorry you were for the blanket and how you didn’t want her to hate you.” Sarah explained, helping me to my feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How bad did I even get last night? I barely remember anything after Gerard left.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You called Kaitlyn, and I found you curled up on a park bench, shivering and crying, with an empty keg of beer next to you.” Sarah said. “I think you got a bit upset that Gerard left.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry Sarah. You shouldn’t have to come chasing after me all the time.”  I stated. “I guess I’m just incapable of looking after myself.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Bren, you’re fine. When you’re drunk though, that’s another story.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I shouldn’t even be getting drunk. Dr Jo told me to stop drinking. Far out.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m making sure of that now.” Sarah explained. “You’re not buying any more alcohol, and you’re not going out either. If you need to talk to Gerard, I’m making it very clear to him that you’re not to go to a bar or something like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know I shouldn’t drink, it’s just so settling. Ugh.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be okay Bren. Are you feeling better now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little bit. Still not 100% yet.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. We’re going in to see Dr Jo in a couple of hours, just so you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Should’ve known. Do you know where the puppies are? I want some puppy cuddles.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah chuckled. “They’re up in Kaitlyn’s room. They’ve taken a real shine to her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Might knock two birds out with one stone.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah chuckled. “Okay. Good luck. I might get started on breakfast.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked upstairs and heard a muffled sound coming from Kaitlyn’s room. She was wearing headphones, so I snuck up to her and gave her a little push. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon!”  She screamed playfully. “Meanie.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “How are you going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eh, not too bad. Just going around listening to random music trying to work on stuff.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatcha working on?” I asked, looking at the scattered papers covering her desk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know to be honest. I was doing homework, then drawing and then reading and now it’s just everywhere and I’m just lost.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I picked up the first paper. The top of the paper told me that this was a maths sheet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Having a bit of trouble with it?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little bit. I’m kind of fed up since usually I can at least understand this stuff, but it's all like gibberish to me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked at the first question and cringed. “Quadratic equations? Isn’t that a little hard for 14-year-olds?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Apparently not.”  She sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I put the pen to paper and tried the first question. My answer was 285, but the textbook said the answer was 8x+c.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m probably not the best person to ask about this.” I admitted. “By 17 I was touring with Panic! Already.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I might move onto English. I like that much more.” She admitted.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled out another sheet. “We got our assignment today. We’ve got to read this book, and then write something called a ‘novel intervention’, but it’s basically a fanfiction about the book. I should be able to knock it over fairly quickly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shall I leave while you do that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I don’t know, if you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I might stay. It’s nice in here. And besides, I want to talk anyway.”  I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to talk about?” Kaitlyn asked, spinning the chair so she was facing me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just about last night. Don’t worry, it’s nothing important. You should probably get your work done.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, please, you do realise you can talk to me, right? I’m not some kid who’s going to brush you off as stupid. I’m reasonably good to talk to in my opinion. I might be able to help you with whatever’s going on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, for one, Sarah’s not letting me drink anymore which sucks. And I apparently just broke down last night and called you or something. I don’t know. I think I just want to say sorry.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn nodded. “I’m sorry for winding you up. I can be a bit of a jerk sometimes, and I’m still really angry about the blanket, but I don’t hate you, okay? You’re a cool guy when you’re not destroying the things I love.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked down. “I’m going to the studio.”  I muttered before leaving the room, never getting the puppy cuddles I longed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, wait!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I turned around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, sorry, that was stupid. Come sit down, I don’t want you to leave just yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down on the bed, hesitant to do or say anything in case I messed up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn whistled, and the two puppies crawled out from under the blanket, and started jumping all over me. I couldn’t help but giggle as they started licking my face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Better?”  She asked as the pups settled down and laid on my lap. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Yeah, thanks.” I looked around her room. “ We really need to get you a speaker. If I can blast my music around the house, you should be able to also. Anyway, what are you listening to?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She flushed red. “It’s a really weird song, but I really like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I listen?”  I asked, gesturing to the phone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She reluctantly pulled the headphones out of the jack, and a familiar tune started playing. I couldn’t help but smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Floating flocks of candle swans slowly drift across wax ponds</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s the artist?” I asked, letting her figure it out on her own..</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s, um, It’s…. You?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I laughed. “I’m not singing in this song, but this is my band.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you were the singer?!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am, in every single song except this one. I can’t believe you found the only one I’m not singing in. That’s hilarious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who is singing then?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ryan Ross. He was a part of the band for the first two albums.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay. He sounds cool. I like him.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Okay. If you like that one, I think you’ll like this one too.” I said, tapping ‘Folkin Around’ into the youtube search bar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She listened to it, with slight confusion at first before enjoying the song. “This is cool!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Glad you think so. A lot of people weren’t really happy with Pretty. Odd. When it came out, because it was so different from the first album. But I do like listening to it from time to time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I kinda feel really bad for dissing your music.” She stated cowardly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Long forgotten kiddo.” I said, ruffling her hair. “Don’t worry about it. You’ve come around to the dark side now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She giggled. “The dark side?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have cookies.” I said with a grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her giggles grew. “You’re pretty cool Brendon.”  She said, flipping onto the bed beside me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled back. “You're cool too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you draw Brendon?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Draw?” I echoed. “Um, I don’t know. Maybe stick figures.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool. I’m not very good at it. I want to be though.” She explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what have you drawn?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me find it.”  She said, searching through her piles of paper on her desk before returning with one sheet of paper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d drawn this really weird picture that I wasn’t sure how to interpret. It was a girl, that looked a little like her, but she didn’t have a face. She was holding a balloon though, and the balloon had a face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh… it’s really good.” I tried to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t lie. I know it’s bad.”  She responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s good, the subject is just a little, odd I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I just kind- It just kinda means a lot to me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How so?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it just kinda represents some stuff. Thoughts, and such.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm.” I nodded. “I can’t decipher it for some reason.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s kind of just a reminder of someone. I kind of put all my trust in them, told them everything and I tried as hard as I could to get them to keep it all secret, but after a while I realized it’s useless. They’re the balloon. The girl is holding on desperately but the balloon is still rising. I know, it’s silly.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woah.” I breathed, finally taking in the magnitude of  the drawing. Then I paused. “Who’s the person?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I am. It felt like the ‘balloon’ was living my life for me, living as me. That’s why it's faceless.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” I said. “You ever considered being an artist or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have, I just don’t think I’m good enough to get anywhere. It’s a cool hobby though.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, this is incredible kiddo. Plus, the fact that you can put meaning behind it is absolutely incredible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “And besides, there’s other things I wanna try first.”  She said quite plainly. “I just haven’t really gotten around to it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What sorts of other things?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just silly stuff. Don’t worry about it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure it’s not silly. Come on, tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I used to write songs and stuff all the time. I want to get back into that…”  She replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not doing that because I do that, right?” I asked. “You should get into things that you enjoy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not because of you, I promise.” She started. “Well….it kinda is…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, get into things you want to get into. It was like your Mom and her crafts. Her parents were really pushing for her to get into fashion designing, but she sort of stuck through it. It worked out for her though, her market stall was hardly empty.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just want you to be happy. You are looking after me after all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want you to be happy. I’m like a mirror, if you’re happy, then I’m happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure what makes me happy.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we’ve discovered drawing. How about some time we go out and try some other things. How does that sound?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to. I don’t want you wasting your time on me. I shouldn’t take away from your lives.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “You have less self worth than I do. You’re not taking away from our lives, you’re adding to them. You’re not wasting our time, you’re curing our boredom. Anyway, I was going to go play some video games downstairs. In?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t expect anything amazing.”  She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t expect anything from me either.” I shrugged. “I suck at video games. But they’re fun, so let’s go play. Come on puppies, you can sit with us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I guided her downstairs and she sat on the couch. “What shall we play?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn shrugged. “Pick something. I don’t mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhh.  I don’t know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve never played a video game before in my life so you really should just pick something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed Forza 5 off of the shelf and loaded it into the console. I threw Kaitlyn a remote and sat down on the couch, with Ollie immediately sitting himself down on my lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I used some red ferrari, and Kaitlyn was playing some black car that I wasn’t paying attention too. But we raced our virtual cars around on the TV, and it was incredible fun. I let her win, in the end, to make her feel good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beat you!” She laughed, poking her tongue out at me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I made a pouty face and got ready for the next race.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Breakfast!”  Sarah called from the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I paused the game. “Come on kiddo, time to eat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She frowned before trudging sorrowly toward the kitchen. I followed, and we took our seats around the table. Sarah gave me a look, and we both knew the battle that was about to go down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Surprisingly, when the plate was presented in front of Kaitlyn, she simply took a silent bite. Sarah and I just watched as she took another bite. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tastes good.”  She muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah beamed. “I’m so glad you think so!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn was still hesitant eating, but she was trying hard. She looked to be in pain every time she took a bite.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re doing so well bub. I’m so proud.” Sarah said, squeezing her shoulder. I brushed her off, knowing that Kaitlyn wouldn’t really want the special attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if I can have anymore. I’m sorry.”  She said, looking down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked at the plate. It was certainly the most she’d eaten in one sitting since she had gotten here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s alright kiddo. Thanks for trying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish I could just eat it all.”  She mumbled. “Then you won’t waste so much.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will be able to eventually bub. Until then, we can just save money on dog food.” I said, putting the plate on the ground for the puppies to eat. Sarah glared at me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re not giving them table scraps, Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “They’re happy, I’m happy, what does it matter?” I asked, running my fingers over the soft fur.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d rather they don’t wait at our feet every meal expecting food. I like to eat in some peace.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn went red. “Sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, don’t worry bub. It’s Brendon.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay thanks Sarah. Needed that.” I mumbled, getting up from the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren! Oh, I didn’t mean it like that! I was just, the dogs eat outside from now on. That’s the new rule.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, okay. I’m going to the studio anyway. At least there I’m alone. If you need anything just knock. Better be important.” I snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But weren’t we going to play more racing games?” Kaitlyn asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I’m sorry. Have fun with Sarah. Maybe she’ll play.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m coming with you to the studio.” Kaitlyn tried to say firmly, but her voice quivered slightly at the end.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d much rather you didn’t.” I retaliated</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn got up from her seat and raced into the studio before I could stop her. She sat down on my seat and smiled smugly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get out.” I snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”  I corrected firmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not leaving Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And why’s that exactly?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I want to talk to you.”</span>
</p><p><b>“</b><span>About what exactly?”</span> <span>I asked, slightly fed up.</span></p><p>
  <span>She spun around in the chair. “Anything and everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, well I’m currently busy.” I explained, with a hint of anger in my voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stuff you won’t understand.” I growled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She put her feet up on my desk and leaned back in the chair, making herself comfortable. “I’m a pretty understanding person, Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine. I’m trying to work. Happy?” I said, picking the drumsticks off of my desk and heading to the drumkit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She handed me a guitar. “Whatcha working on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A song.” I mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the song about?” Kaitlyn asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “People important to me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not quite.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, who then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You ask a lot of questions.” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m curious.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s none of your business. Go be curious around Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I want to see what you do!”  She whined.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned. “You’re really freaking annoying when you want to be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” She murmured, standing up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smirked as she walked out of the studio, with her head hung between her shoulders. I stepped away from the drums and walked back over to the journal open on my desk. I was glad she hadn’t spotted my lyric book. I grabbed the pen from nearby and started writing a few things I thought were alright. Most of them will probably never get into any songs, but it was nice to write again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I must’ve been in the studio for about 4 hours. When I finally came out to go inside,  I heard some sobs coming from beside me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “What do you want?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you </span>
  <em>
    <span>doing </span>
  </em>
  <span>out here?!” I asked. “It’s freezing!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The door was locked and Sarah didn’t hear me.” She sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look like you’re about to catch hypothermia. Why didn’t you knock? I have a key inside.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were mad at me.”  She stammered. “I didn’t want to make it worse.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I held a hand out and helped her up. “Come on. Let’s get you inside before you freeze.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She followed me inside and I collected a few blankets to wrap around her. Sarah came downstairs, and gasped. She apologised profusely after realising that she should’ve been listening for knocking, and made Kaitlyn a cup of tea, which Kaitlyn seemed to enjoy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have to go Bren. Are you going to be okay Kaitlyn?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shivered, but nodded. “W-where are you g-going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We just have to go out. I’ll try to get home as soon as I can, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “C-can I watch s-some TV?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course bub. If you need a warm shower, don’t hesitate to take one.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn nodded. “T-thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We are going to go. If you need me, call me.” Sarah stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I followed Sarah out to the car and got ready for the drive. We arrived a few minutes late, but Dr Jo soon forgave me after I explained what happened with Kaitlyn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to talk about it Brendon?” She asked me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I make her sad, now I make her sick. How long till I make her dead?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you aren’t going to kill her. Sure, there has been a lot of unfortunate things occurring, but I promise, you are doing a good job.” She tried to comfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I called her annoying, sent her out of my studio when all she wanted to do was talk, and then because of that she was too scared to ask for a key to the house, and now she’s practically frozen. I froze my own daughter! What sort of father does that?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, it’s fine. I know, you feel really bad, but it isn’t all your fault. Many things came into play for that to occur.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I made her like me, and then I made her hate me again. She must think I’ve got multiple personalities or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you can’t keep over-complicating all of this. You have a diagnosed disorder that affects the way you act and react. Not every action of yours is going to be perfect.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “But none of them are at the moment. That’s the problem. Sure, I’ll make a few mistakes, but I want to do something that isn’t a mistake, if you get what I’m saying. I’m just, I can’t do anything right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you are doing something right Brendon. Everyday.”  She tried to explain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Except I’m not.” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, every single day you wake up, every single day you make it through is a win Brendon.” She explained. “I know it seems stupid but for you, these are huge things.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s stupid. No one cares about those things. They don’t get how much struggle that comes with. They need some kind of viable action to prove I’m not useless. It’s like I’m living two lives at once. I’m trying to living a normal one then another full of guilt at the same time and I hate it.” I said, throwing my head into my hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed. “Brendon, the only reason you're living two lives is because you chose to. If you simply told Kaitlyn, then you wouldn't have to worry any more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’d hate me forever!” I exclaimed. “You can't forgive the guy who killed your parents! There is no simply telling her!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon! You didn’t kill them!” She yelled. “You know you didn’t!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did!” I screamed. “I’m a murderer! I should be sitting in jail!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I promise, you didn’t. Let’s move on since this is clearly distressing you. What occurred last night?” She whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got drunk. Isn’t that all you need to justify screaming at me about how alcohol is bad?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I don’t know if you had realised, but I actually saw you last night. You looked so sickly and distraught. I want to know how you got to that, because it looked pretty serious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t that bad, it was just- I think I just had a breakdown, then I left the house and went out with Gerard. He had to leave or something then that’s all I kind of remember. I woke up with a horrible hangover though. And now Sarah won’t let me buy anymore alcohol.” I muttered angrily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you shouldn’t be drinking anyway Brendon. It is more likely for you to become addicted.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel like I already am. I long for alcohol, how easy forgetting is with it.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well it's most definitely best you stop now Brendon. Now, what do you believe caused your breakdown before you left the house?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Kaitlyn kinda said something that kind of plunged me into sadness and I didn't want to bother Sarah with it so I just sort of left. I didn’t want to do something that would end up with me in the hospital again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did Kaitlyn say?” Dr Jo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She just kind of told the truth. We were saying the the night before was a disaster and she-” I started, a few tears running down my face. “S-She admitted that it wouldn’t have been a disaster if I-I hadn’t been there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo flicked through some notes from previous sessions. “Brendon, you are human. You will make mistakes. Everybody does. Yes, the blanket incident was a mistake. And although you are incredibly sorry, you need to show her that. Have you tried bonding with her yet?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We w-were talking before the whole studio thing. And then we played some video games?” I answered unsuringly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo smiled. “Did you enjoy that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess so. And then she said she liked some of my music…” I said, a small smile forming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See what happens when you make an effort to bond Brendon?” Dr Jo said. “You have a pretty good time. You have to fight the initial anxiety, and then you get to enjoy the benefits.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but I have to do it all over again now.” I sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s okay Brendon. But you’ll get there in the end. She’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>your </span>
  </em>
  <span>kid Brendon, and it will get easier with time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just like everything else apparently.” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you’ve got to put the effort in. Nothing is going to work unless you do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I am. Can you not see that?” I asked. “I thought I was doing a better job than before.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have to keep working harder. And you are, but you need to work just that little bit harder.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What else can I do? I’m taking the medication, I’m going to these sessions, what else do you want from me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you need to talk to people more. Not just me, but Sarah and Kaitlyn and everyone around you. You have got to stop locking yourself away and isolating yourself, you’ve got to talk to people. Sarah told me that she misses you Brendon. She wants to talk to you, but all you want to do is sit in your studio in the bitter silence. You’ve got to open up more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m scared though. Last time I really opened up to someone, they died basically in my hands. I don’t want that to happen.” I tried to explain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, nobody is going to die. All I’m asking you to do is spend less time on your own, and spend more time talking to the people who love and care about you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what to talk about though. It all used to be about music but I have nothing now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A piece of paper slid out of the printer. Dr Jo handed it to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is a list of topic conversations. Things to ask people. How to start conversations. Normally I use this for kids who struggle making friends, but it seems appropriate in this case.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I’ll take the isolation. Sure, it scares me, but the thought of people getting close scares me more.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed. “Do you want to get better Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well yeah, that's why I talk to you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then you need to talk to people. You can’t wait until your better to start doing that, because you’re never going to get better without doing so Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about Gerard? I talk to him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good Brendon! You need to open up to more people like that!” Dr Jo explained. “Start with Sarah. Then move onto Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I don’t want to disappoint them, or discourage them or anything. I’m afraid Sarah will leave me since I’m not the same…” I tapered off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, Sarah loves you. She married you. And it’s better for you to be with her than not. She married you because she wanted to spend her life with you. And you’re saying now that you’d rather be single?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I get the whole love thing, but I’m not really Brendon anymore.” I murmured glumly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you are Brendon. Why don’t you think you’re Brendon, Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because, well. Brendon was a lot more sociable and musical and happy and optimistic. I’m basically the opposite.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed. “What do you think I am going to say to that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you know it's true, so I expect you to agree I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Brendon, you’re in a slump. You’re still yourself, just a slightly different person. And that happens, we all grow and change. But you’ll get there again. I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sick of this. All of this. I’m back to where I was. I hate this place, this world.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do I need to call Sarah?” Dr Jo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t. We thought I was getting better again.” I sobbed.  .</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to book you in for another round of ECT next week.” Dr Jo sighed, tapping something into her computer. “Did you take the medication this morning?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think so.” I cried, thinking about that horrid hospital once again. “Please don’t send me back. I don’t want to go back. I’ll take anything!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not going to be admitted to the mental health ward Brendon. You’ll just go in Wednesday afternoon, stay the night, and you can go home on Thursday. I’ll call Sarah and let her know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead of responding, I instead deepened my tears and nestled myself further into the seat, hoping for some comfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanna go home.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, our time is about over. See you tomorrow Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I rushed out of her office and sat in the waiting room, hoping Sarah wouldn’t take long so I wouldn’t be in this place much longer whatsoever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah came a few minutes later and rushed over, taking my hand and rushing me over to reception. I wasn’t sure what was happening, and I held her hand for comfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as we were outside, Sarah pulled me in for a hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you do?!” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry babe. You don’t have to worry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to worry until you tell me what you did!” I exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just had to sign something so you could go in for the ECT. That’s all. Nothing else. You don’t need to worry.” Sarah explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still can’t believe you are letting them electrocute me.” I muttered. “That’s inhumane.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, it’s working wonders for you. Remember when you came home a couple of days ago? You were so amazing!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t say anything in response. “Can we go home now? Check on the kid I froze half to death?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” Sarah responded stalely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We drove home and walked inside. Kaitlyn was still wrapped in the millions of blankets, but had passed out in front of the TV. Sarah sat down next to her and lightly shook her to wake her up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling bub?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn shivered and groaned. “B-bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there anything we can do?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can I have some more t-tea?” She asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course bub. I’ll be right back.” Sarah said, disappearing into the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stood at the door. “Sorry for freezing you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-its f-fine B-Brendon.” She stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down next to her. “Do you want me to run you a hot bath or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-That’d be n-nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, in a complete unexpected moment, she moved the blankets so that they covered me too. She snuggled her freezing body against my own, and sighed in relief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you feeding off my warmth?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-maybe.” She giggled lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wrapped my arms around her and brought her closer to me, resting her head on my shoulder, giving me space to rest mine atop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you, you little worm.” I chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laughed. “I l-love you too, you big teddy bear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let's get you warmed up, shall we?” I proposed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That s-sounds nice.” She smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I led her to the bathroom where I began filling the tub with warm water. She just sat and watch, huddled in blankets as the water rose. Once it got to the top, I stood up and left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Enjoy, little worm. Get warm and we can continue snuggling if you want.” I said, closing the door behind me.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Chapter 28 - Struggles</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>*****Sarah’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked out to lounge to give Kaitlyn her tea, and instead found Brendon lying on the couch and Kaitlyn in the bathroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down beside Brendon. “How’s it going?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want her to get hurt. I want to see her grow up healthy and happy with a family of her own. I want to provide her with a good life.” He said, burying himself in the couch. “I just want to know how.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wrapped my arms around him.”You’ll work it out, I promise.” I assured. “We both will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn came out of the bathroom, shivering a bit less and having shed a few blankets along the way. “I don’t think you’re going to school today bub.” I frowned as I looked at the thermometer. “You’re burning a fever, plus you look and sounds like death.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn nodded. “Yeah, I guessed that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling, worm?” Brendon said jumping up and ruffling her hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you can stay in bed a bit longer.” I proposed.  “Maybe take a hot shower, and I’ll make you some chicken soup for lunch. I’ll be downstairs with Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled, while lightly swatting at Brendon. “Much better. Thanks Bren.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They hugged and Brendon lifted her up, and carried her into the office. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon!” She screamed playfully. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Kaitlyn’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Put me down!” I giggled. Brendon lowered me onto his office chair and collapsed on the floor beside me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re mine now.” He panted. “No escape.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I jumped up and ran toward the door and he let me get out before tackling me in a hug. “I’m taking you hostage.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I laughed and ran to the lounge room. He eventually came panting behind. “You’re too fast. Making me exercise. Meanie.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not done. Why are you being so nice?’ I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I’m going to leave you for a few days again like a real meanie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have to go?”I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sadly.” He responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned “I feel kinda tired. I’m going to bed.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want your tea in there bub?” Sarah asked, following me upstairs. She placed it on my bedside table as I snuggled into the sheets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Sarah.” I said in an awfully nasal-voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problems bub. If you need anything, come and find me. Or you can text me if you don’t want to get out of bed. I honestly don’t mind. I’ll be in to check on you in a half hour.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I’ll see you then I guess.” I said, grabbing my phone and headphones to listen to music to send me to sleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah?”  I asked, in a daze from the nap I had just taken. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah Bren?” She asked, looking up from her phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I have a beer yet?” I asked like a whining child.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed and shook her head. “No. No alcohol for you. You’re on a complete ban. And Gerard knows this too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh. Please?” I pushed on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” She said sternly. “And you won’t change my mind no matter how much you try to crack me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I want beer!”  I complained. “This sucks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It sucks now Bren,” Sarah said. “But in the long run, you’ll be glad. I’m doing this to help you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well what the hell am I supposed to drink?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything not alcoholic babe.” Sarah stated. “Coffee, water, soda, tea, fruit juice…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I feel like alcohol. I don’t want anything else. Meanie.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry Bren, but I’m not budging on this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not? How bad can one be?” I whined.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Brendon. No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is stupid.” I moped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If that’s how you want to view it.” Sarah shrugged. “Why don’t you go and play something on the piano? I’d love to hear you play something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’d love a beer, but we can’t all get what we want.” I mumbled. “And besides, I suck anyway. There’s no point.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah put her book down and frowned at me. “You’ve released 5 studio albums. You do not suck at the piano Brendon. You rock at it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still could be a lot better.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, please, you’re the best at the piano. Please play something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grimaced. “What do you even want me to play?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled. “What’s something you’ve been working on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not a lot. Nothing great.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Play something.” She suggested. “I’ll be the judge of whether it’s great or not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started playing a tune, and it wasn’t half bad but I messed up a note.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dammit! Useless Brendon! You’re useless!” I insulted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sat down next to me at the piano. “No, Brendon, that was beautiful. That melody is amazing. Keep going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just going to screw up again.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One note, one chord. Bren, does it matter? You’re playing for me. Nobody else. Just me, your biggest fan. You could mess up 90% of the notes, and I’d still be head over heels for it. Play for me, Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started again, playing up to where I messed up. I missed the chord once again and seized before attempting to continue the song.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah rested her head on my shoulder as I played the final notes. She let out a satisfied sigh. “I’ve missed hearing you play Brendon. It’s the most amazing sound.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I can think of greater sounds. I miss being able to play without screwing up every single time.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t matter to me Brendon.” Sarah shrugged. “Everything you play, you just put your heart and soul into it. Even if you mess it up, I can hear your emotions in it. It’s special to me. And hearing you play next to me, it’s just amazing. You’re such a great musician.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A very inactive one at that. I haven’t released in something in what feels like forever.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t mind. As long as you’ll still play for me, I don’t mind.” Sarah mumbled sleepily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to go to the ECT tomorrow Sarah.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” She nodded. “But you have to. It’ll be over before you know it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The whole electrocuting thing is still scary. Really scary.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve done it before. You know that you don’t feel a thing. It’s not that bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know I don’t feel anything. I think that's what’s scary. I don’t know what is happening at all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve been told what happens Bren. Do you want me to tell you again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will it make it less scary?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I guess that matters on how you interpret it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess we can try.” I muttered. “Go ahead. I don’t think I can be any more scared.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, they put you under first. Then, they hook you up to this machine so they can carefully monitor your vital signs. And then they put a very low voltage electric current through your brain for less than half a second. And that’s all. Because the thing is Bren, you’ve got a bit of a chemical imbalance in your brain that causes the severe depression, so what this does is aims to get it back to normal levels. They only do it a little bit at a time, so you don’t get overwhelmed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I began shaking slightly. “Machine?” I asked shakily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, it’s a heart rate monitor attached to the tip of your finger. Please, relax.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started crying. “Please don't make me go Sarah!” I held onto her and cried into her shoulder. “I don’t want to go!”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, Bren, it’s okay, it’s okay.” Sarah tried to comfort, lightly running her fingers through my hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going I can’t!”  I sobbed. “I can’t go back. I can’t take any more. I don’t want any of this!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay.” Sarah murmured soothingly. “You’ll be okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do I have to go back? Why couldn’t it’ve just happened once?”  I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be okay Bren. Can you be brave for me?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I d-don’t know if I can do this any m-more.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can do it.” Sarah whispered gently. “I believe in you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want anymore treatment. No therapy, no electrocuting, no pills, no nothing. I want to be normal, and I don’t want to get there ‘one day’. What if that day never comes?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll come Bren. I promise.” Sarah assured me. “And I’ll be there every step of the way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do I even need all of this stuff? Why can’t I take care of myself?” I wept.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you’re a survivor of an extremely traumatic event, and you’ve been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and depression.” Sarah stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Other people people go through that stuff, like crashes and stuff, and they don’t go through all of this. What the hell made me the victim to all of this?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For the same reason that everything exists, Bren. The universe works in strange ways.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s unfair. I want a happy life. I don’t want to suffer forever.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You won’t Bren. I won’t let you.” Sarah promised me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s all too hard. I want it to be over. I’m sick of suffering. It’s gone on too long now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, you need to be persistent. You need to keep going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It never ends. This just keeps going. How many years has this been going on, even? I feels like it's been forever.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, you go up and down. Right now, you’re at the bottom, and that sucks. But remember at Christmas when you were on top of it all? It was incredible. And it’s going to get there again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s coming to a year now. A year since I was at the top. That’s scary.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that shows that you’ll be there soon.” Sarah promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If anything, I’ve gotten worse rather than better lately. I just want to stop all of this madness and insanity.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed. I could tell she was getting a little tired of the conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Play something for me Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started playing This Is Gospel, considering it was the only thing I could think of. I was in such a daze, and almost played it perfectly until I reached the ending, where I snapped out of it and got lost.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dammit.”  I muttered, continuing the ending of the song before it drew to a close. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled and closed her eyes as she rested her head back on my shoulder. “You play the most amazing songs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I blushed a little. “Uh, thanks?”  I giggled lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah forced herself up. “I’m going to check on Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, can I come?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” Sarah nodded. “Let’s head upstairs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I silently followed behind her as she wandered up to Kaitlyn’s room.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****???’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is everything prepared for the subject?” I asked as I entered the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Most definitely, sir.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Good. And the wife signed him over to us, just like that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Apparently. No issues or complications whatsoever, sir.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled. “Isn’t it amazing what people will do when they’re desperate?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Indeed. Shall we begin proceedings?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He arrives tomorrow, sir. Shall we check the machines are in working order?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Of course. We need this to run smoothly.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The assistant handed me the patient’s file. “Do you think that this will work?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can only try.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I flipped open the piece of paper and smiled at the picture as I ran my fingers over it. “You’re all mine tomorrow.” I murmured. “All mine.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Chapter 29 - Experimental Therapies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“I’m still not happy about this Sarah.” I frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed, but didn’t move her eyes from the road. “I know. But it’ll be good for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, for awhile. Then it just becomes useless. I don’t want this happening forever!” I complained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on Brendon. We’re here.” Sarah said, not wanting to continue the conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awesome. I’m not going in.”  I stated boldly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. You are.” Sarah said sternly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m truly not. I’m fine with staying here.” I responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then Sarah did something I wasn’t expecting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She started poking me. Hard. And quickly and randomly with both fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey! Hey! That hurts! Stop!” I said, trying to defend myself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get out of the car and I’ll stop.” She grinned evilly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” I pouted, crossing my arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She continued to poke me however, and I tried my best to block them, but she was very good at it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going in there, a place that gives me nightmares, to stop you poking.”  I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah didn’t say anything, but she kept poking me, this time with more intensity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“STOP!”  I snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she didn’t. I could see her arms were getting tired, and I figured it would only be a couple more until she gave up. But she didn’t. She poked harder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“SARAH! JUST STOP!” I yelled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just get out of the car and I will!” She exclaimed, continuing to poke me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not getting out! Take me home!”  I shouted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“GET OUT!” She screamed. “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BRENDON, THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I DON’T WANT ANY OF THIS!  MAYBE I DON’T WANT TO GET BETTER!” I bellowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“YOU NEED TO GET BETTER!” Sarah screamed. “FOR ME AND FOR KAITLYN AND FOR YOUR FANS AND FOR EVERYONE! BRENDON!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I began crying. “I’m sorry. I’m scared, okay?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on Bren. I’ll hold your hand. Let’s go in together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We climbed out of the car, and Sarah slipped her hand into mine. We walked in together, and Sarah signed something, before we were escorted to my room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ready, Bren?” She asked, as the doctors were preparing everything. She squeezed my hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I sure hope so.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be okay, I promise.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was silent as the doctor placed a mask over my nose and mouth, and within minutes, the world faded to black.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****???’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is he asleep?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes sir. He is completely ready. There should be no issues.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about his wife?” I asked. “Any issues with her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She appears a tad distressed, but it should be fine.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Is he ready for transportation?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Would you like me to begin?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem sir.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>----------------------------------------------------------------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s begin. Is he hooked up correctly?” I asked, inspecting the elaborate machine occupying the victim's, I mean patient’s, head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes sir. We are ready to begin the procedure.” The assistant stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I overlooked from behind the glass. “Is he properly sedated?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes sir. We have made sure of such.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “We’ll have to wait until it wears off. I gave strict instructions for him only to be given Hedrafonzine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My apologies sir. We will monitor him until he is ready.” The assistant apologised. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You better.” I muttered gravely. “I’m going for coffee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay sir. I shall alert you as soon as we can begin.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I simply nodded, and stormed away from the assistant. Nothing around here was ever done correctly. I slammed the door on the way to the break room, and poured myself a cup of coffee. I sat down at my desk and overviewed the schedule for the patient.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My my. He has no idea what is going on. Almost tragic.” I chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took another sip of my coffee as I began typing what had happened today into my record journal.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>DAY ONE</b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The patient arrived today. He is sedated, so we must wait for those effects to wear off. I am surprised I got a research grant for something as, well, traumatic as this experiment. The subject appears to be of otherwise good health besides his mental issues.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hopefully the experiment carries out well so we can continue further testing in future.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I signed it off and quickly returned to my game of solitaire.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Kaitlyn’s Point of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled as I walked through the school gates, my recent sickness still lingering in my body. But I was well enough to return today, so I headed to my locker to grab my materials for the first 3 lessons of the day. It was reasonably quiet, until Gretchen came storming towards me, with the most anger-filled face I’d ever seen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“YOU!” She shouted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me?” I echoed, a tad confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“YOU!” She shouted again, storming straight into me and shoving me against the lockers. “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-What did I d-do?”  I stuttered, scurrying away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, oh what did I do?” Gretchen mocked, before letting out a maniacal laugh. “You! Bloody hell Kaitlyn. You move out, and you chuck the biggest hissy fit to Mrs Urie, and because you’ve apparently become anorexic or something, the state launched this massive search into the group home! We’ve all been sent away Kaitlyn! All of us! I’m now living with this super creepo guy, all because you wanted to be pampered!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry! I did- I didn’t mean too! I’m s-sorry!”  I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“LIKE I’D BELIEVE THAT!” Gretchen roared. “You hated us all! You just want to get revenge for a few years of harmless pranks and stuff. You hated Mrs Hungin, and now she’s on the verge of being charged with child neglect! You’ve ruined my life!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry! I didn’t want anything to happen to you, I swear. Just, please don’t h-hurt me.”  I stuttered, scared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gretchen slapped me across the face. “You’re lucky that’s all I’ll do! You’re a horrible person! You don’t deserve to be alive!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I k-know.”  I cried. “I know I don’t deserve to be here.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“DAMN RIGHT YOU DON’T!” Gretchen screamed, tears springing to her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A crowd had started to form, seeing that something was going down. Tears were flowing down my face as I tried to get out of her grip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please let me leave!”  I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gretchen knee’d me in the stomach. “Get up and fight!” She demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want a fight! You’re right, isn’t that all you need to hear? I DON’T WANT TO FIGHT OVER THIS!”  I yelled desperately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gretchen slapped me again. “YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU RUIN THE LIVES OF OTHERS! EVERYBODY HATES YOU NOW! EVERYBODY!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. But I’m not fighting. You punch and kick me as much as you want, but I’m not fighting back.” I tried to stand up for myself, thinking back to when Sarah was prohibiting all violence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gretchen slapped me again. “Fight!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The kids in the crowd started chanting the traditional “fight, fight, fight!” I tried to hold my ground as Gretchen started flying punches at me. I tried to get out of the way, but I kept getting hit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“HELP!”  I screamed, hoping to alert a nearby teacher, to no avail. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You!” Gretchen kicked me in the stomach. “Deserve!” She slapped my face. “This!” She shoved me onto the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kill me now.” I muttered, blinking back the tears that were threatening to spill over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And as a final kick hit my face and everything started fading, I thought for a moment that I had actually received my wish.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>______________________________________________</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn? Kaitlyn can you hear me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My eyelids fluttered open and my eyes slowly began adjusting to the light.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?”  I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Things around where I was began to take shape. The first thing I saw was a very distraught looking Sarah, and then I noticed the hospital bed. Sarah was holding my limp hand as I regained my senses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” I asked, still adjusting to it all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you’re in the hospital.” Sarah tried to explain. “You were attacked at school by that girl who used to be your roommate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why the hospital?” I asked, grunting in pain as I tried to move. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you suffered some really serious head trauma.” Sarah said as she tried to hold back tears. “The doctors say it may have caused some long term damage.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” I whispered, slightly becoming concerned for my future. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sniffled. “You’ve broken a rib, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m s-sorry Sarah.” I mumbled. “I’m such a p-pai-ow!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah gently stroked my hair. “No, I’m sorry. This is all my fault. I made the complaint to child services, and now you’re here and facing long term brain damage and…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She trailed off and took a minute to compose herself. “I’m so sorry Kaitlyn. I’m so, so sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not your fault. Please don’t feel bad. I probably led her on.” I tried to assure. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah shook her head. “She’s at the police station, and she’s probably going to get an assault charge. There were a variety of witnesses Kaitlyn, you weren’t doing anything except getting your books.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes but I shouldn’t have said anything. I shouldn’t have even looked her way. I’m stupid.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She came at you, screaming. Kaitlyn, there was nothing you could’ve done. It’s my fault, and hers. You’re the one who has to suffer, and for that, I can’t put how sorry I am into words.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not your fault Sarah, I promise. Please don’t feel bad. It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault. She is just an extreme person.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s my fault!” Sarah sobbed, unable to control the flood of tears any more. “I shouldn’t have made the complaint! I should’ve let it slide!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, you’ve probably helped give people much better lives. Gretchen just pulled the short stick. At least if they’re happy, that’s less people tortured by </span>
  <em>
    <span>her. </span>
  </em>
  <span>If I had to be the casualty for that to happen, then so be it.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus Kaitlyn.” Sarah cried. “When are you going to stand up for yourself? I’ve been trying to help you, teach you that you mean just as much as everybody else, but seriously, what is it going to take?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve just gotten used to being a crash test dummy. I don’t know if it’ll ever get better, but it's fine. As I’ve said, if I’m being beat up, that's at least one less person who is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not fine Kaitlyn!” Sarah exclaimed. “You can’t be a crash test dummie! We love you too much to let you become one!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I already am one, so why does it matter?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look around you Kaitlyn! I don’t want you here! I want you to be healthy and happy and loved and safe and you’re only one of those things! This is killing me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry! I don’t mean to end up here!” I cried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah looked at me. “I know. I know. But you’re going to keep ending up here if you don’t change the way you think of yourself bub.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I tried call for help but there was no one!” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah lightly stroked my hair again. “I’m so sorry bub.” She whispered. “I’m so sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hate that school. I hate it so much!”  I exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve only got a week or so to go there.” Sarah assured me. Then she paused and tried to hold back tears. “But I’m not sure if you’ll be going to those.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do we know how bad the b-brain d-damage is? Am I going to be o-okay?”  I stammered nervously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know bub. I want to say you’ll be fine, but I just don’t know.”  She cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m scared Sarah.”  I stuttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled me in for a gentle hug. “I know bub, so am I.”    </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A doctor entered the room and Sarah looked at him nervously. He came over to me and took note of my heart rate, blood sugar and a couple of other things. “How are you feeling?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything hurts.” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can try and get you some stronger painkillers. Would you prefer that?” He questioned. “I’m not sure how strong we can go because of your age but you have some pretty serious injuries. I shall be back.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked over to Sarah who was still trying to hold back tears. She was struggling. I didn’t want to see her upset. “I-I’m s-sorry Sarah.” I whispered. “I’m sorry I drag you th-through all of th-this. I-I don’t mean t-to. Truly.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bub, you shouldn’t be apologising. I just want to make sure you’re sure you’re okay. Okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sniffled. “We’ll work out what’s wrong, then we’ll get out of here and go home. How does that sound?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-that sounds good.” I said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah squeezed my hand. “We’ll see the end of this. I promise.” She whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Then why are you so scared?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Because- Because I don’t know how bad it is, bub. I want to know, but I don’t. I don’t know how long we’ll be here, what the long term effects are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what did they t-tell you so far?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not much. They said they’ll probably need to do further tests.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What sort of tests?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure bub. Possibly just testing motor skills, and maybe some scans and such.” Sarah responded quietly. “Hopefully no biopsies.” She whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s a biopsy?!” I asked, getting quite terrified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, a biopsy is an operation where they look around the affected area. So they-” She took a deep breath in. “They would open up your head to investigate your brain, looking for bleeding and damage and such.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want them to cut me open Sarah!” I exclaimed. “Can we go home now? We can sneak out!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, bub. There is a chance it won’t happen, because the doctors were just discussing it, it’s not sure. We’ll just have to see.” Sarah tried to comfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to hold back tears. “I can’t do this Sarah! I want to go home!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just want to take you home bub, but we need to sort this out so it can be treated before it gets bad.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It sounds bad already! What if I can’t do things on my own anymore?” I asked, getting more nervous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah was nervous also. “Let’s not think about that, shall we?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m really scared!” I exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So am I, bub. I’m just hoping it will all blow over, that it won’t be too bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hoping?” I echoed. “Sarah, this is really bad!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know. It’s just easier trying to be optimistic than facing reality sometimes, bub.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor returned with a drip of some sort, which he put in my arm. “This is a much stronger painkiller.” He explained. “You won’t feel anything after this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know when they’re going to begin tests?” Sarah asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think they are preparing for the scans now, and the tests will proceed after those.” He replied assuringly. “Please, don’t worry. We are doing as much as we can to limit future effects.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-How bad is it?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We are hoping it’s not too bad. Only time will tell.” He stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Sarah nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor left and I could only form a couple of words as a tornado of thoughts circled my brain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can Brendon come home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know bub. I don’t think he’ll be there much longer. I tried to call him, but he was busy. Only a few days bub. He’ll be back before you know it.” She replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wouldn’t he come home for this?” I asked. “I’m scared. I need him here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah shed a tear. “I know. I do too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why does he always have to leave?” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know bub. I really wish he didn’t. It’s like he’s never home.” Sarah said rubbing circles into the back of my hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m really scared.” I sobbed. “I want him here!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know bub, I’ll try my best. I can’t guarantee anything.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was too busy crying to respond, and Sarah encased me in a gentle hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor returned. “Are you ready, Kaitlyn? We’d like to begin the scans now.” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I g-guess.” I sniffled. Sarah squeezed my hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A nurse came in with a wheelchair. “Do you want some help getting in?”  She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah.” I stammered sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse lifted me up off of the bed at sat me on the seat. “Okay, let’s go.” She directed, alerting the doctor to lead the way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah followed us as we headed down to some room with a big scanning machine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, we are going to have to ask you to stay out here. My apologies Mrs Urie.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah gave me one last hug before I went in. “I’ll be right here when you come out.” She promised. “You’ll be okay bub.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and cried as they wheeled me toward the machine. “Okay Kaitlyn. I know, this is a bit scary, but I’m going to need you to be brave for me.”  The doctor instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to hold back the tears. “I-I’ll try.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. Can you sit up here?” He asked, patting a bench.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse helped me onto the seat and I looked at the doctor nervously, awaiting his next instruction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, that’s good Kaitlyn. Can you lie down for me?” He tried to ask in a comforting manner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to lie down slowly, but instead I fell back a little quickly and hit my head on the thin pillow covering the metal bench. My eyes watered up, but I tried to blink it away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. We are going to start the scan now, okay Kaitlyn?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” I whispered tearfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need you to be completely still for this, okay?” He asked, moving towards some sort of control panel on the machine. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am.” I said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pressed a button and the machine made a light humming sound before moving. I stayed completely still as I watched the machine surround me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a while, the machine pushed me out. I came out shaking in terror, not want to experience that again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, n-no m-more.” I sobbed. The nurse wheeled me back to the hall where Sarah was waiting. She pulled me into a hug as she saw I was crying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, bub. It’ll all be okay. I promise. Just stay strong.” She assured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I d-don’t know if I can!” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse took me back up to the room and helped me back onto the bed. I curled up against the thin sheets and cried into the pillow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need you to try, bub. I know it’s horribly scary.” Sarah said, rubbing my back lightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-how?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need you to do whatever the doctors say, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded slightly. “I-I’ll do that. But I-I’m still really s-scared Sarah!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So am I Kaitlyn. This is scary for all of us. We just need to try to do whatever we can. Are you okay with all of that, bub?” She asked,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I think so.” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be here the whole way.” Sarah assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It's the least I can do. I’m sorry, but I can’t do much about Brendon.” She apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay.” I sighed. “He’ll be here in a few days anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish I could get him here sooner. You deserve to have the whole world comforting you, bub.” Sarah commented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I blushed. “Thanks Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s only the truth bub.” She stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think I’m going to be okay?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope so bub. I really do.” Sarah said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I hope so too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A new doctor walked in. “Hello Kaitlyn.How are you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good…” I nodded, a little cautious of the overly-cheerful greeting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I am Doctor Floe and I am here regarding an injury you sustained. An injury that may require a little bit of treatment I suppose.” He explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What sort of treatment?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just a little bit of physiotherapy. Nothing serious.” He stated carelessly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why?” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We are just a bit concerned about your stance. Hopefully it’s not an issue.” He tried to explain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stance? Like, how I stand?” I asked. “What’s wrong with the way I stand?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your stance I suppose in this case includes your posture, the way you stand and the way you walk. It appears your injuries may have affected your leg, therefore we are checking for a limp. Please don’t be alarmed.” He stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Limp?!” I exclaimed. “Am I going to still be able to walk?! Oh god. Oh god.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It should be fine. Worse case scenario, you go in for surgery.” He said casually.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah noticed I was freaking out, and she squeezed my hand. “It’s not that bad Kaitlyn. Considering the other possibilities.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I d-don’t want surgery!” I exclaimed, scared. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The odds are it isn’t going to come to that. That’s only a worst case scenario. It should work out with a little bit of physiotherapy.” Dr Floe explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” I stammered. “What do I have to do?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll get you started on once a week therapy for the first couple of months, and when you improve, we’ll cut down on it. Soon enough you’ll be as good as you were before the attack.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When does it start?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll give you a 3 week recovery period for the other injuries.” The doctor stated. “But then it’s Christmas, so probably after Christmas.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So she’s just going to be limping around until then?” Sarah questioned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I suppose.” The doctor said sheepishly. “Although she should try to keep movement to a minimum due to the rib injuries.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And if she needs to move? None of this really makes sense.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just help her then. Or you can use a wheelchair. Mrs Urie, if we begin the physio too early, her ribs won’t heal and she’ll end up with quite a painful condition that can’t be fixed. You have the choice. 3 weeks, or the rest of her life in pain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll see what we can sort out.” Sarah assured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was trembling. “I don’t want to limp.” I whispered tearfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay bub. It’ll be fixed.” Sarah comforted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m scared!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay bub. It’s fine to be scared.” Sarah assured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor looked at us. “I’ll give you two some family time. You should be alright to head home the day after tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Sarah said as the doctor left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah I don’t want to do this! I just want to be normal!” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you are normal bub. You are just hurt, okay?” Sarah tried to comfort.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Chapter 30 - Miss Missing You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>***** ???’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“The patient is rather distressed.” The assistant stammered nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ignored the screaming coming from the subject. “Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-should we turn it off?” The assistant asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” I said firmly. “It's in full swing now. This is good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sir, if it seems we are torturing the patient, there is no way you will be able to continue doing this. I believe we should halt procedures.” The assistant suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I growled in frustration. “Shut this one down, and transfer him to the next procedure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, sir.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked on with a look of disapproval as the machine shut down and the patient’s screams were replaced with sobs. Another assistant entered the room and handed me a clipboard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The subject’s wife wishes to speak with him. Their daughter has been injured in a fight and is in the hospital. Should we allow them to speak?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose. Just monitor him and make sure she doesn’t get suspicious.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course sir. We will make sure of this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t take forever.” I growled. “I do actually want to continue sometime today.” </span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Brendon’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned as I slowly woke up. The bright light hit my eyes, causing me to curl up in a ball. When my sight finally adjusted, I looked around the room. The four walls were made of concrete, but I was lying on a hospital bed. There was a nurse standing at the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what’s going on?” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, the ECT equipment is malfunctioning, so you haven’t undergone the procedure yet. We’re going to keep you here tonight, and hopefully we’ll be able to get it working tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My head felt dizzy. “Why is my throat sore?” I asked. “It feels like I’ve been screaming at an amusement park all day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse made a face. “I’ll, um, fetch you some water.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She returned a few moments later with a paper cup, which I drank greedily from until I’d finished it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me,” I asked. “But where am I? This doesn’t look like the hospital.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are just in a temporary room while we are organising everything.” She explained. “Please don’t stress out Brendon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned again. “Shouldn’t everything be organised? This is a hospital.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In theory yes, but sometimes there are unexpected occurrences. Please bear with us Brendon. We are trying to reduce the wait as much as we can.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “Can I at least be moved to a nicer room?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As much as I’d love to move you Brendon, it’s much easier keeping you here so that there is less time spent during transportation when the time for procedure comes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I call my wife?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll discuss with the doctor to see what can be done.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” I muttered. “Is there a TV or something I can watch in here to pass the time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, sorry Brendon. You’ll just have to wait.” The nurse replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned. “Can I have a magazine or a book or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “There isn’t much I can do. I’m sorry there is nothing to do, but there is nothing around to entertain you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I have my phone?” I asked. “I brought it in with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” She responded, pulling it out from her collection of paper and clipboards she was struggling with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed the phone and frowned as I saw 48 missed calls from Sarah. I dialed her number immediately, and eventually she picked up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon?!” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah what’s wrong?!” I replied, hearing the distress in her voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, she’s, she’s back in hospital. It’s worse. She was beat up again Brendon.” Sarah responded, sounding scared. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Is-Is she alright?!” I asked frantically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. It’s all my fault!” She cried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take a deep breath and tell me what happened Sarah.” I tried to say calmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was beat up by Gretchen, and it was because of what I said, the complaint I made, and now the doctors think she is going to have permanent brain damage. I ruined her life Brendon!”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brain damage?!” I repeated in shock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I could hear Sarah crying on the other end of the line. “I’ve ruined everything Brendon! She’s going to hate me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened with the complaint?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Apparently G-Gretchen had to move out of th-the group home or something and n-now she h-hates Kaitlyn even m-more.” Sarah sobbed. I was terrified at this point, as Sarah rarely broke down, let alone trip on her words as bad as she was now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, Sarah, calm down. That’s not your fault.” I tried to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but it is B-Brendon! I’ve screwed everything up!” Sarah cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, Sarah breathe.” I tried to tell her. “You’re not to blame. Gretchen is. Please tell me she’s in a lot of trouble.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She h-had to go to th-the police station. I don’t k-know what h-happened there.” She stammered, terrified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See Sarah?” I explained. “If it was your fault, you’d be there with her. But you didn’t do anything that led to this. Sure, you made a complaint, but it was in the best interests of the girls in the home. Gretchen is just, a violent child, and that’s how she deals with things. You didn’t do anything Sarah Bear. I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m scared Brendon. They don’t know how bad it is yet.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “Is she awake yet, or is she sleeping, has she talked to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She is awake. They had to do scans. She’s terrified Bren. She really wants you here. I do too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, the ECT thing didn’t happen today.” I explained. “Something about the equipment not working. I should be able to walk to the other ward to see you. Where exactly are you in the hospital?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just….Just get permission. We are A&amp;E right now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Emergency? Is it that bad?” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s going to be here for a while it seems.” Sarah responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be down as soon as I can.” I assured her. “Do you want to go and get some water or something for yourself? You sound really stressed Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s just so much going on. With you, now Kaitlyn.” She sobbed lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to call Gerard.” I told her. “See if he can come and help you. I’m so sorry I can’t be there with you right now, but I’m going to find some sort of substitute. You need something to eat, something to drink and some sleep. When did the fight happen? Have you slept?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just, don’t worry about me Bren. Just focus on what you have to do to get better.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine Sarah, honestly. Right now I only want to focus on making sure you’re okay. When was the last time you slept?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. A while ago? A few days? I don’t know. I haven’t had much at all since Kaitlyn passed out. I’m fine though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I’m going to call Gerard, and your mother as well. You need some people who you can lean on. I’m so sorry I can’t support you right now, but I’ll find you someone that will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine Bren. I’ll just work through it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Sarah, you can’t. Anyway, can I speak to Kaitlyn? I just want to talk to her, let her know I’m coming.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” She said shakily. I was greeted by a muffling phone as she handed it to Kaitlyn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Brendon?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay, Kaitlyn?” I asked, trying to hide my nerves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ve got brain d-damage!” She sobbed. “I’m r-really scared!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, calm down. I’m going to come as soon as I can, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-where are you?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not far, I promise.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-How long until you g-get here B-Brendon? I-I’m scared a-and I n-need my t-teddy bear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hang tight little worm.” I assured her. “I don’t know. I’m trying to get there as fast as I can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t a-abandon m-me. P-please.” She whimpered. “I n-need you. P-please.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not abandoning you little worm.” I promised. “I’m really trying. But while I’m still coming, can you look after Sarah for me? She needs somebody watching her. Can you convince her to get some water?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay. I’ll try.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you so much. I’m trying my best to get there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you Bren. I love you so much.” She stated, nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you more, little worm.” I said with a small smile. “I’m going to go now, okay Kaitlyn? I’ll be there as soon as I can.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay Brendon. See you soon.” Kaitlyn said. The phone muffled as I heard Sarah’s voice again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What up, Sarah?” I asked, preparing to comfort her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-What if Kaitlyn is so b-badly injured, t-that s-she needs our h-help with e-everything?” She stammered nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then we’ll just have to work around it, babe. We’ll find a way.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I w-won’t be a-able to l-live with m-myself.” She sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll make it through. You’ll find a way babe. I promise.” I vowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Brendon I’ve ruined h-her life!” Sarah sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve done nothing of the sorts Sarah. I promise, it’s not your fault. We aren’t even sure how bad it is. I need you to hold on Sarah. Can you do that until I can come at least?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I think so.” She breathed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. Sit tight Sarah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay Bren. See you soon hopefully.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye Sarah. Love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love you too Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hung up the phone and sighed, trying to compile all my emotions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“NURSE!” I shouted. There was no reply. I threw off the sheets and walked out of the room, dressed only in scrubs. I spotted a group of nurses at the end of the hall, and they spotted me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing out of bed?!” One of them snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please,” I asked. “I need to see my daughter. She’s in accident and emergency.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can’t allow you to leave Brendon. Please go lie back down.” One of them directed,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have to let me see her!” I said, trying to get past them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t allowed to leave this room. Go lie down and wait.” They repeated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” I exclaimed. “If you had a kid in A&amp;E, you’d want to get to them too! Let me go!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“GO LIE DOWN. YOU ARE NOT LEAVING!” One bellowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I NEED TO SEE MY DAUGHTER!” I yelled back, trying to squeeze around them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“YOU NEED TO REMAIN IN THIS ROOM!” They yelled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I NEED TO GET TO KAITLYN!” I screamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“YOU ARE PROHIBITED FROM LEAVING, FOR ANY REASON.” They yelled. “LAY DOWN.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’M SURE THIS IS AN EXCEPTION!” I yelled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“YOU ARE NOT LEAVING THIS ROOM AT ALL BRENDON. NO EXCEPTIONS.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I DON’T CARE!” I screamed at them, finally getting through them. I started racing through the corridors.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“GET BACK HERE!” They screamed, chasing me down the hall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They chased me for a good ten minutes, until one of them caught me by surprise. Others joined in, holding my arms down, and one of them injected a needle into my neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn….” I trailed off as everything faded to black once more.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Chapter 31 - (I’d Trade All My Tomorrows For) Just One Yesterday</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>*****???’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The experiment has been a complete success </span>
  </em>
  <span>I typed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>The subject responded well, and we will be able to resume our experimental treatments in a month.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Let’s hope it always goes this well. As long as the subject has no repercussions, there shouldn’t be an issue. The only concern appears to be his wife, who may get in the way sadly. Let’s hope faith is in our favour.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I pondered what I was going to write next. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hopefully all patients will accept the treatment as well as Mr Urie. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I signed off, satisfied with what had happened over the past 3 days.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sir?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?” I answered, not looking up from my computer screen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just telling you that Mr Urie is now in the hospital, and apparently stirring, so he is due to wake up soon. The doctors have agreed to keep track of the immediate side effects since we aren’t there.” The assistant explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Fair enough. When does the next subject arrive?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In two days sir.” He responded. “Are you interested in seeing her file?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes please.” I nodded. “Do you think she’ll respond as well as the last subject?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am slightly more concerned, this patient seems slightly more risky.” He admitted, handing me her file. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked over the file. “Hmm, slightly. The age might be a problem.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have full permission to undergo the operation, however.” He commented. “Are you going to attempt it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” I nodded. “We can’t let any subjects go to waste. They’re hard to come by.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problems sir.”  The assistant replied. “Is there anything else you would like me to do while I’m here?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you get me some coffee?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or course. I will be back soon, sir.” He stated, before disappearing. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Bren!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah…” I mumbled as I sat up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling?” She asked, as I felt her hand gently rub my back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I think I’m going to throw up.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah handed me a sick bag and I began tossing chunks into it. When I’d finished, somebody took it away and handed me some water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hate this.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The effects of the ECT should wear off soon.” A doctor said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel like I just got my head beat in with this horrible headache. Argh!” I said, as the throbbing continued. I laid back down and rested my head on the pillow. I began crying unknowingly, and I couldn’t identify why.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When can he check out doc?” Sarah asked as she lightly stroked my hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It depends. Since there is a chance he’ll develop unique side effects, we just have to monitor him. Hopefully not long at all.” He responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay. It’s just that our daughter is down in another room at A&amp;E right now, and we’re really hoping he can see her as soon as possible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If he needs to stay overnight, we’ll let him visit her.” The doctor proposed. “Hopefully your daughter is fine. My best wishes Mrs Urie.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Sarah gulped. “Um, you mentioned something about unique side effects. Like, um, what exactly could happen?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it could be mild like increased vomiting or a fever, in the worse case, where his headaches get much worse, we may have to do some scans.” He replied. “Hopefully it won’t come to that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m think I’m gonna be sick again.” I mumbled, sitting up, already sick of the recovery process.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor handed me another sick bag, and continued talking to Sarah while I threw up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay. I’ll watch him doc.” Sarah assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good to hear. If you need to visit your daughter at any point, there are an abundance of nurses on this ward anyway watching him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn’s currently sleeping,” Sarah explained. “That’s why I’m up here. It’s been a rough few days for our family.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can imagine. Hopefully everything smoothes over for you Mrs Urie.” The doctor tried to comfort. “I have to go see another patient. Best of luck, you two.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” I mumbled, handing the sick bag back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor left and Sarah sat on the seat next to me. “Are you feeling better Bren?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really. The nausea is still lingering. I’m just trying to keep the vomit down for the moment.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry you have to go through this Bren. It’ll get better. Hopefully this will be one of the last rounds you’ll have to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, sorry,” I apologised, mainly for inconveniencing her. “Is there another sick bag around?” I said, feeling horribly ill. All I wanted was for this to be over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah handed me another sick bag. “I know you’re feeling really bad right now, but you’ll feel so much better in the long run.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hate hospitals.” I muttered. “I want to go home.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Bren, we shouldn’t be here long at all.” She said, grasping my hand and squeezing. “Just hold on for me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel so much worse than las-” I started, being interrupted as I vomited into the sick bag. I felt significantly better afterwards, but still had a throbbing headache. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Better?” Sarah asked when I was finished.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Headache.” I groaned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll get the doctor to get you some painkillers.” Sarah assured me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks. You’re the best.” I commented. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled before heading out to find a nurse. Soon enough, a nurse came in with Sarah trailing behind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What seems to be the problem, Mr Urie?” The nurse asked lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have a horrible headache.” I groaned. “I just want some painkillers or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse wrote something down on her clipboard she carried in. “I’ll talk to your doctor and see what we can do. Sit tight Mr Urie.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded before lying back down. Sarah took my hand as the nurse left. She placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. “You’re doing great, Bren. Just hold on for awhile longer and we should start to see the improvement.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and stared at her, taking in her gentle features once more. “I miss not having to go do all these treatments and such, where we could just be a happy couple, or, I guess now, a happy family.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You'll get there Bren. I'm happy already. I'm always happy when I'm with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad. I want to relax with you and Kaitlyn when I get home. Hopefully everything is fine with her.”  I said, staring back at the ceiling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah looked down nervously, tears beginning to dot her eyes. “I-I don’t know h-how bad it i-is B-Brendon. The d-doctors are trying, b-but they told m-me to expect t-the worst.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come here,”  I said, opening up my arms for a hug, “If you expect the worse, it’ll suck everything out of you. You need some hope.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hugged me tight and a few tears spilled onto my shoulder. “I-I’m scared.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Sarah. I am too. But you yourself had to teach me to push through fear. Maybe you’ll have to follow your own advice. Kaitlyn needs us to be strong for her, since she can’t find the strength for herself.” I explained, hoping it made sense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you.” She whispered. “I love you so goddamn much. Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too, Sarah. I want to make sure you’re fine too. You spend so long focusing on us, and, well speaking for myself, don’t spend enough time focusing on you.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “I-I just want to make sure you’re okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you’re doing an awesome job. Just make sure that if something is bothering you, you tell me so I can help.”  I explained. “I wanna make sure you’re okay too.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah hugged me again. “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s truly no problem. It’s the least I can do for burdening you with all of this drama.” I responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon you know I don’t mind about that.” Sarah assured me. “You’re not a burden.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As much as I hate to be quite so argumentative, I just so happen to find myself unable to agree. We are in this hospital room, right now, because of me.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re in this hospital room because of a woman sitting in jail for manslaughter.” Sarah said firmly. “Brendon, it’s not your fault.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is. I should just be able to deal with my own thoughts.”  I mumbled. “Then we wouldn’t have these issues.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed. “You’re sounding better already Bren. I’ll talk to the doctor, maybe we can go see Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.”  I stated profoundly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah scruffed up my hair. “I’ll be back in a moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked down at the hospital gown still coating my body. “What am I going to do about you?”  I mumbled, presumably to the gown. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah returned a few minutes later with the doctor. I sat up and faced them both. “You are fine to visit. Just return here when you are done. If anything goes wrong, or you are concerned, just come and find me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded in understanding, and the doctor left the room. Sarah placed some clothes on the bed. “Luckily I kept these in my bag.” She commented. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave her an appreciative smile and headed into the bathroom to get changed. After I got changed, I placed the hospital gown onto the bed, intending to return. Sarah took my hand and led me through the hospital.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ready, Bren?”  Sarah asked. I nodded and strengthened my grip on her hand. We walked into the room and I saw Kaitlyn staring back at us, puffy-eyed, before a smile graced her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon!” She said, as I wrapped her in a gentle hug. Soon enough, her smile faded as I pulled away. “Do you know what’s wrong yet Sarah?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah shook her head glumly and a few tears flowed down Kaitlyn’s face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took her hand and began rubbing circles in it. “It’s okay little worm. We’ll be here the whole way.” I vowed. “I promise. I’ll make sure you’re okay. Whatever it takes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I held back a few tears of my own, remembering what I told Sarah. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m really scared Brendon!”  She cried. “I don’t want really bad brain damage!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “I know, little worm. It’s scary thinking about the fact that you may be compromised, but you have to work through it.” I pulled a chair closer to the bed. “I need you to be brave, little worm. It’s really hard, I know, but the only way we’ll work through this, is if you are working with me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I found myself using ideas and points that others had told me. I felt guilty, not providing original answers, but I found so many similarities in this situation, to when I was diagnosed originally. I found myself shaking slightly, but I ignored it and tried to focus on Kaitlyn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I think Sarah must’ve noticed, as I found herself beside me, with her hand on my shoulder. “Bren’s right. We understand you are probably terrified, but healing is so much easier when everyone helps.” Sarah added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt a rippling pain course through my head. The headache was worse now. I never had gotten that pain medication. I pulled Sarah away for a second. “I think I need to go back. This headache is horrible.” I whispered. Sarah nodded and led me out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The guilt had grown worse. The one person Kaitlyn had left couldn’t even hold it together for long enough to see if she was okay. I began walking back to my room, before giving up, and falling to the ground, screaming in defeat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Many nurses came bounding toward me, asking questions. I tried to focus on them, instead of the horrid pictures that were flooding my vision. Everywhere I looked, I saw blood, I saw them. The doctor pushed through the nurses. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, Brendon!? Are you okay?!”  He asked. I shook my head, terrified. Soon enough, Sarah was beside him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren? Bren, I need you to focus on me, okay?”  She instructed. I looked up at her, surely with fear glazed eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you see Brendon?” She asked, crouching down to my level. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to answer, though my words were hesitant. “I s-see th-them, and bl-blood and it’s scary Sarah!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve got to get him back to the room.” The Doctor said. “Someone get a wheelchair!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah took my hand. “They’re going to make sure you’re okay Bren. Don’t freak out.” She said, helping me into the wheelchair that had appeared. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah i-it’s everywhere!” I screamed, covering my ears with my hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Sarah’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>It was terrifying. Watching my husband scream like that, looking around him in absolute terror. The doctors and nurses restrained him to the best of their ability and took him back to the room, before giving him a needle and sending him to sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The fastened him down with restraining straps, and I watched in shock. One of the nurses brought me a cup of water and I sat down next to Brendon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are we going to do with you, hey?” I said softly, lightly stroking his hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t respond, he was sleeping. In all the years that I’d been taking him to all these therapies, I had never, ever, ever seen him have a response like that. And to be honest, it terrified me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped as I remembered the papers I had signed back at Dr Jo’s office.  This could’ve been all my fault.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry Bren.” I whispered, looking at him, asleep on the bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In that moment, I made a quick decision. “You’re going to hate me for this Bren, but it’s for the best. I promise.” I whispered, pulling out my phone and beginning to call Dr Jo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah?” She answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When can you get him in?” I rushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Slow up, what has happened Sarah?” She asked, seemingly concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> I took a deep breath in. “Brendon came out of ECT seemingly fine, then I took him to see Kaitlyn, who is now in the hospital and he told me he was leaving to go back to his room because of his headache, then soon after he left, there were screams.” I explained. “I went out and saw him crowded by nurses. Once I got close to him, he told me he was seeing them again, and the blood and, an-” I tried to finish, tears running down my face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Screaming? Oh my. Is there anything else Sarah?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wiped away the tears. “They had to restrain him, then he was sedated. He was terrified.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well when does he get out of the hospital Sarah?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I believe he was supposed to get out tomorrow. I’m sure anymore.” I responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even if he doesn’t get out tomorrow, try and bring him in then. That’s as soon as I can have him in. If not, you might just have to wait for his usual session.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A particular time?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As soon as you can preferably. If I’m in the middle of the session, I’ll send them off to whoever’s free, considering this is a high urgency situation.” She responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay I’ll try to bring him in. I’m going to have to talk to the doctors. I shall see you soon, hopefully.” I said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Goodbye Sarah. Good luck.” She replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye.” I stated, hanging up the phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked over to Bren, whose body was still rigid in fear, despite being asleep. The doctor came in to check on him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any distressing signs Mrs Urie?” He asked. I merely shook my head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know when he can leave yet?” I asked, hesitant for the answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We are unsure. Do you have somewhere important to be Mrs Urie?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just that his therapist wanted him to come in as soon as possible.” I explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well we may be able to allow you to leave for awhile. Just depends how he acts.” He stated. “We are also considering conducting some scans to investigate possible causes for his breakdown.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I simply nodded and looked back at Brendon. “Do you know when he’ll wake up?” I nodded glumly. “How long do you expect he’ll be restrained for?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re hoping that he’ll wake up tonight. The sedative shouldn’t last longer than that.” The doctor explained. “As for the restraints, if he wakes up, and seems reasonably calm, we should be able to remove the restraints. We may keep him restrained though, purely for his, and your own safety.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wiped away a stray tear. “O-Okay. I, um, I need to go and see my daughter. I-Is it okay if you call me when he wakes up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course Mrs Urie. It may be awhile though.” He affirmed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed my bag, and planted a final kiss on Brendon’s cheek before heading back down to the other end of the hospital to visit Kaitlyn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I opened the door, and saw Kaitlyn staring mindlessly at the wall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn?” I called, in attempts to get her attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Sarah.” She said, turning to face me. “Where’s Brendon gone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He had to attend to some business before he left again. He is very sorry for leaving you though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course he had to leave.” Kaitlyn muttered, looking down at her fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t hate him bub. He’s really doing the best he can.” I stated, standing up for Brendon. “He really does feel horribly guilty for leaving you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t hate him Sarah.” She sighed. “It just feels like whenever I really need him, he’s never around.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know bub. It’s all very ill timed. I wish it could just be switched around. Sadly that’s not really an option. I’m sorry I can’t fill the gap Brendon keeps creating.” I explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for trying.” She said, giving me a forced smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t promise I’ll fix everything up, but I’ll always try bub. I promise.” I vowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn smiled. “Thanks Sarah. Have you heard anything new from the doctors?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only a little bit.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d prefer it if you weren’t quite so surreptitious Sarah.” She responded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Well, they said that in a few days they’re going to start some motor skills testing to see how bad the damage is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Feels like I’m going to be here forever.” She groaned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only a few days bub.” Sarah assured me. “And with the procedure tomorrow, you won’t notice the time at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What kind of procedure Sarah?” She asked, slightly more cautious. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a sharp breath in. “The scans haven’t provided enough information. They’re going to do a biopsy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” She responded. I could hear the fear behind her words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be unconscious, you won’t feel a thing…” I trailed off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess…” She responded, tears pooling in her eyes. She quickly wiped them away. “I’m sorry. I’m being stupid.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I lightly brushed her hair with my fingers. “No, you’re not bub. It’s really scary. But I’ll be here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know how they do it?” She asked hesitantly. “Like, the operation?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I’ll see if I can find out for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to. It’s fine.” She retaliated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bub, if it’ll make you feel better, then I’ll do it.” I assured her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want you doing things that are unnecessary. You are already doing way too much.” She said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If it helps you feel better Kaitlyn,” I sighed. “Then it’s completely necessary.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about it.” She stated, unsurely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I decided to change the subject. “How have the pain medications been working?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t really feel anything anymore. I guess that's a good thing.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “In this case, I think it is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked around for a bit. “What’s your favourite colour Sarah?” She asked, changing the topic once again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I considered for a moment. “Orange.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you ask?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I feel like I don’t know much about you.” She replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “You can ask me things if you would like. What’s your favourite colour?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure really. Red?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Red is nice.” I acknowledged. “Any particular shade of red?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably like a coral or salmon colour. Sort of light, I suppose.. Just kind of intrigues me.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool.” I said with a small smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you do in your spare time, Sarah?” She questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I considered for a moment. “Probably watch movies.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s kinda cool I guess.” She replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about you bub?” I asked. “What do you do in your free time?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not really sure. School work I guess. That’s all I kind of do.” She stated quite blandly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, let me put it this way.” I said. “What do you do when you have no schoolwork to do? Say, on holidays or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess I just listen to music, sing sometimes. I don’t do a lot. I draw sometimes too I guess. I am really quite boring.” She responded. “Sorry if you expected something amazing.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you a singer?” I asked, getting interested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I only sing a little bit, and I’m not very good, but I do enjoy it I guess.” She replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you sing something for me?” I asked. “I’m sure you’re a wonderful singer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not really sure what to sing.” She replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what’s your favourite song?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don't know.” She replied. “Pompeii?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, sing Pompeii” I suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, okay.” She said, beginning to sing. She began quite hastily, before developing some confidence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s beautiful!” I exclaimed when she was finished.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess so.” She responded shyly.  “I just kind of wish I was a bit better. So that I wouldn’t be so conscious of my voice.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have the voice of an angel.” I smiled. “You sing beautifully.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blushed. “Anyone can sing like that. And if anyone can sing in an angelic way, it would most definitely be you. You have the most amazing, soothing voice ever.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me?” I laughed. “No, Brendon’s the singer in this family. And you. Not me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Im sure you’re a great singer. Better than me most definitely.” She pushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you even heard me sing?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well no,” She stated sheepishly, “But I can imagine it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would you imagine me being a good singer?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> She curled up. “I’m sorry. I just kinda thought- I’m sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s sweet.” I chuckled. “But I’m not the singer. You and Brendon are the Urie’s with the musical talent. I just kind of tag along.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You must be musical in some way. I’m certain you aren’t completely talentless in music.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “The most musical I am is when I learned the recorder in the sixth grade.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She giggled. “I’m sorry I began this conversation. You probably have better things to do than answer my silly questions.” She then apologized. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, bub, it’s fine. This is actually really fun.” I said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave me a small smile. “I don’t know what to ask now…” She laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, let’s start with hobbies. What are your hobbies?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Drawing is my main I guess. I like creative stuff, I’m just not very good at it.” She replied. “I know this is silly, but can you tell me some more about Brendon? Like what he does, and likes and stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Course.” I shrugged. “Brendon has been touring with his band since he was 17. He’s a pretty darn good musician, although he will try to convince you otherwise. Um, his songs and stuff are really good, and his style can vary from album to album, especially with changing band members and all. Now it’s just him in the band, but he seems okay with that. There’s nobody holding him back now. He likes sandwiches, video games and candy. Um, He plays a lot of instruments. If you want to learn something, he probably plays it. He is a little rusty on a lot of them, but I’m sure he’d be willing to re-learn if you wanted to play. He’s been in a slump creatively for a while though, a bit like writer’s block. But he’s slowly getting back into it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He does so much cool stuff. I wish I had as many talents as him. I’m still figuring mine out.” She admitted. “I wish I had more time to hang out with him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, as soon as you get out of here, you’ll have all the time in the world.” I said. “And I’m sure he’ll be happy to hang out with you. You’re actually really talented bub, so please stop saying that you aren’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It just doesn’t seem like it to me. And I’ve never really known anything different. I’ve been told these things for years.” She tried to explain. “It’s hard trying to believe something so seemingly obscure.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave a sympathetic smile. “I know it’s hard, but you need to put everything you’ve been told behind you. None of those things are true. You’re talented, and wonderful, and amazing. Kaitlyn, I know you haven’t been told those things much, but now that you live with us, you’re going to be told them as much as possible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t waste your time.” She mumbled. “It’s not worth it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it is, Kaitlyn.” I assured her. “It’s so incredibly worth it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about me makes any of this worth it?” She asked. “So far all I’ve done is spend your money, thrown up your food, and ended up in hospital.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your little smile.” I laughed. “The little things you do. You underestimate how happy you’ve made the Urie clan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I couldn’t have possibly made you very happy. I always see you so stressed Sarah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m stressed about a lot of things.” I shrugged. “But you’re actually really nice to be around. I don’t mind the little, well, quirks. They’re not what come to mind when I think of you. I think of your talents, your beautiful looks, your amazing smarts, shall I go on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blushed. “I don’t think you have to. You’ve said way too much already.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “I love you bub. Lots.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too Sarah. I love you more than anything.” She responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wrapped her in a hug. “You’re so sweet. I love you so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In that moment, my phone began ringing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry bub. I have to take this.” I stated guiltily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “That’s fine. It’s not like I’m going anywhere soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll just be out here.” I said, gesturing to the door before leaving the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I answered the call and held the phone to my ear. “Hello?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mrs Urie?” The voice asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is me.” I said nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon is waking up. He still seems a bit shaken up though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be right there. Is he allowed visitors at this point?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He should be fine. We’ll tell you if anything changes.” They explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. See you soon.” I said, hanging the phone up. I nervously considered what I was going to tell Kaitlyn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I headed back into the room. “I’m so sorry bub. I have to go. I’ll try and get back as soon as I can.” Was all I said before I left the room guiltily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye Sarah!” I heard Kaitlyn call from behind me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled before I began my journey down the corridors.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I reached Brendon’s room and walked inside, where Brendon gave me this desperate look from the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’ve tied me down Sarah!” He wailed, forcing against the straps.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I rushed to his side. “I know babe. You need to calm down. Forcing the straps to loosen them isn’t going to help. Just talk to me.” I instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He burst into tears. “I-I’m not crazy! I-I don’t n-need to be t-tied down!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Bren. You aren’t crazy at all. They only did it for your safety babe. Nothing else.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-am I not safe when I can m-move?” He sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No Bren, that’s not it. You just had an episode, and the doctors weren’t sure how you were going to be when you woke up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How was I before I went to sleep?” He asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were terrified. It was probably the worst I had seen you. You were screaming, and you were telling me you saw them again.” I explained softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m so sorry!” He wailed. “I’m sorry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, Bren, it’s fine. You have nothing to apologize for.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I keep s-scaring you and ending up here!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine Brendon. It’s all okay, I promise. I don’t mind, as long as you are okay.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to be let free of the straps.” He sobbed. “They’re too tight!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Bren, but I can’t do anything. It’s the doctor’s decision.” I stated guiltily. “I wish I could do something Brendon. I really do.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you get the doctor?” He practically pleaded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know where he is Bren. I know you hate me for this, but I think you just have to wait.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please!” He begged before a terrified look came across his face once more. “No. No no no no no no!” He wailed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong Bren?!” I asked, now alert. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re there again.” He cried as the shakes began once more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Bren. Look at me.” I stated. His eyes darted towards my face. “Now, deep breaths.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shut his eyes and focused on his breathing. The shakes were dulled and less tears found themselves falling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Brendon. You’re okay, I promise.” I assured soothingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why can’t it all just go away?” He sobbed. “I just want peace!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Bren, I know.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just then, the doctor came in, clipboard in hand. He stared at a puffy-eyed Brendon, confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened Mrs Urie?” The doctor asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon just had a little breakdown. It was nothing compared to the previous.” I explained, hoping to not propel the situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon looked up desperately at the doctor. “C-can y-you untie m-me? P-please?” He stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course Brendon. I’ll get a nurse in to help.” He assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor disappeared before returning with a nurse by his side. Together, the took off the straps and Brendon was less on edge. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” He said. I reached over and grabbed his hand.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah, I want t-to go home now.” He blubbered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Bren. I know. You just need to take it slowly, and you’ll be out of here in no time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hate this hospital so much.” He continued. “It becomes more and more hellish every time we come here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Bren, but it’s to help you get better. On that note however, I’m taking you in to see Dr Jo tomorrow. I told her what happened and she wanted you in as soon as possible.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His features softened. “Oh. Okay, I guess…” He replied, clearly not very excited. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I squeezed his hand and looked at him. “It’s for the best Bren.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sniffled. “It feels like I'm going around in circles, Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re getting better Bren. I know it feels that breakdown kind of undid everything, but I promise you are still heading up.” I assured. “You just have to trust me Bren.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn't feel that way. I want to be there now. I don't want to have to wait.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Bren. But waiting is just something we have to get used to. Nothing comes straight away.” I tried to explain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon sighed. “Will you wait with me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Of course Brendon. Of Course.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Chapter 32 - Good Moods</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, come on. The doctors didn’t give us long before we had to be back for the scans.” Sarah urged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I begrudgingly got out of the car and walked towards the door of the offices. Sarah was trailing behind closely. I sat down in the waiting area in silence while Sarah talking to the receptionist. . </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon?” Dr Jo asked, after seeing me pouting on the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got up and walked into her office, my head hung low and my feet slightly dragging along the laminate floors. I sat down, facing her and placed my slightly shaking hands into my lap. I was unsure as to why I had been scared, considering I had been here so many times before, yet still I felt in danger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay Brendon?  You look a bit on edge there.” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked down at my now shaking lap. “Um, yeah. I guess so.” I responded weakly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, are you sure? Are you scared?” She asked. I nodded lightly and looked down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” I murmured guiltily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, there’s no need to be scared. You know that. You’ve been here hundreds of times.” She tried to assure me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. I don’t know why. It just kind of happened. I don’t know why I’m scared…..I’m sorry.” I responded lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to apologise, but can you explain why?” Dr Jo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to have another episode. It happened at the hospital, who’s to say it won’t happen here too?” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, if there’s ever a place to have an episode, it’s in front of your psychologist. And we’ll take it really slow today, nothing triggering at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I’m sorry I’m a pain.” I apologized once more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not a pain Brendon. Shall we get started?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-sure.” I stammered uncertainly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. What did you see at the hospital when you were, well, screaming?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I saw- I saw D-Damien and L-Ly-” I tried to say, before I began crying. “And bl-blood. L-lots of it t-too.” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, where were Damien and Lydia when you saw them in your vision?” Dr Jo asked, writing something down on her pad of paper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-they were just in front of me, I don’t know where, but they were lying down an-and I-I think they were d-de-” I cried, beginning to see it again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever seen them in that position before?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “They were always in the c-car. Beside m-me.” I stuttered. “I don’t think they were d-dead before.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, okay. Well, I know you’re not going to like this, but I’m going to make a slight adjustment to your medication.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded hesitantly, not liking her confession. “W-will they go a-away then?” I asked, slightly scared at the thought of the horrid image.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you take them, then yes, they should do their job more efficiently.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If y-you say so.” I responded shakily. “I don’t want to see it any-anymore. N-not at all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you don’t Brendon. That’s why you’ve come to me. Now, how are you going with the continuing Kaitlyn saga?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Horribly.” I responded. “I left her because I had a stupid headache and then I broke down in the stupid corridor.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Corridor of the hospital? Is Kaitlyn back in the hospital?” Dr Jo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “She was beat up again. It’s so much worse now…” I trailed off, feeling horribly guilty for not being there for her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I’m afraid I don’t know every single aspect of your life unless you tell me. What’s going on with Kaitlyn? Is she alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They think she has b-brain damage. She has to get a biopsy ‘cause the scans didn’t help!” I wailed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh dear.” Dr Jo said nervously, looking down at her notebook. “When did this happen?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it was around when I went in for the ECT. I felt horrible, I still do. I’m useless! I’m never there for her!” I sobbed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, it is a terrible coincidence that your ECT lines up with Kaitlyn’s, um, moments. But it is not your fault, you hear me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just don’t want to feel so guilty.” I stated, looking down to the floor and fiddling with my fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, how are you going with repairing her blanket?” Dr Jo asked. “That might help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “I haven’t really done anything. I don’t know how.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, do you know how to hand stitch?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really…” I mumbled, embarrassed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, how about next session, you bring the blanket and some supplies in. I’ll teach you.” Dr Jo suggested. “And if you’re so self-concious about it, I won’t tell Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm, okay. That’d be nice I guess. I just don’t need my uselessness to Sarah propelled.” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not useless, Brendon. I just know from other patients that men aren’t really very proud of the fact that they know how to sew. Ah, fragile masculinity. Anyway, moving on, how did you react when you saw Kaitlyn in the hospital?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I felt honestly like I was terrified for her. She was so scared, and it made me feel horrible. I just wanted to take all the pain for her.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo smiled slightly. “I know it doesn’t feel good, but that’s a very good way to feel with these things. Shows your a good father, Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I blushed slightly. “Well, I don’t mean to feel that way. It just kind of happened…” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s the way it normally does happen Brendon. Now, back to the hospital, how do you feel about the restraints?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hated it. I felt like I was insane, like I was going to hurt someone. I knew I wouldn’t but I felt like that would be the only reason they were there. I was scared of myself…” I responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why were you scared of yourself?” Dr Jo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I needed restraints! No normal person needs that! It was like I was terribly insane, like a psychopath or something! I thought I would hurt myself without them!” I exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, they were only a precaution.” Dr Jo tried to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do I need to be restrained as a precaution? Because there was a chance I would hurt someone!” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, they did it because they didn’t know how you would react when you woke up Brendon. They didn’t think it would happen, they only did it because that’s what they were trained to do. They often have to take these precautions, Brendon.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re trained to restrain people who will hurt others!” I wailed. “I’m going to hurt my family! I should be dead!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no Brendon, not at all. You aren’t going to hurt anyone. There is no reason for you to be dead Brendon. In coming here, I’m making sure nothing happens to you, or anyone around you, okay?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m scared I’m going to hurt Sarah!” I sobbed. “Or Kaitlyn! First I kill her parents, then I kill her! Dr Jo I’m dangerous!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you aren’t going to hurt anyone. I promise. I’m making sure of that. And you know that Sarah wouldn’t let you hurt her, or Kaitlyn. She would stop you before anything happened.” She tried to assure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was too far gone into my round of sobs to answer. I pulled my knees up to my chest and snuggled as far back in the couch as I possibly could. “N-No m-more!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay Brendon. No more.” She assured. “I just need you to try and calm yourself. I’m sorry if I put you on edge Brendon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed a tissue from the centre of the coffee table and did my best to try and wipe the tears away. “W-why do you always make me cry?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I’m sorry Brendon, but I’m just trying to help you as fast as I can. You are a lot more vulnerable like this, I’m aware, but if I stopped every time you shed a tear, these sessions would go to waste Brendon.” She said. “And I don’t make you cry directly. I just possibly unearth things that trigger you that you maybe weren’t aware of, and crying is just the way you deal with this. Well, at least from what I’ve observed.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I d-don’t want to come to these sessions anymore.” I sniffled quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you not want to come to therapy in general, or do you just hate me?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Both.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well Brendon, only one of those can really be altered. You need the therapy Brendon. It’s the only way for you to get better.” She stated. “It would suck to see you go, though. I think I’d miss you even. It’s not my choice though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I scoffed. “You wouldn’t miss me. Stop lying. The only reason you want me here is because Sarah pays you money. A lot of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I have told Sarah multiple times to stop paying me. I do actually want to see you get better, as much as that seems to surprise me. I don’t care about the money at all Brendon. I do genuinely care about you.” She said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” I asked loudly, almost as if I was asking god or the universe or mother nature or whoever is up in the sky. “Why does anybody care?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, we all care because you are truly an amazing person. We all want you to your best Brendon. If you fell into a pit of no return, whether being overtaken by guilt, or through death, there would be a huge hole no one could fill Brendon. We care because we’ve all accepted you as a huge part of our lives.” She tried to explain. “And if that’s not enough, I don’t know what else I can do Brendon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat in silence as I took that in. “I don’t think I’m that amazing.” I said quietly. “Right now I’m only making life hard for everyone around me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you are amazing. In so many ways too. You have tremendous musical talent, you are a wonderfully charismatic person when you want to be and you are overall such a welcoming and comforting person. You aren’t making life hard Brendon, you're making it 100 times better, just by being Brendon.” She stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled lightly. “Should I tell Sarah she’s got some competition? From the way you’re talking, well, it sorta sounds like you’re flirting with me Dr Jo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laughed. “Would you enjoy that Brendon? Would it make this more interesting?” She joked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wiggled my eyebrows. “That would be interesting for sure.” I laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As enjoyable I’m sure it would be, I probably shouldn’t interrupt you love life. Plus, I’m married. And so are you.” She stated, still giggling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’d enjoy it?” I asked, still laughing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I get bored too!” She claimed, fake defensively. “I deserve entertainment!” She laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god!” I laughed. “My psychologist has a crush on me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “We could make headlines for some weird gossip magazine with a story like that Bren.” She joked. “Write a best selling novel, even.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see it now! ‘URIE HAVING AFFAIR WITH MENTAL HEALTH WORKER’. It would probably blow up the internet.” I laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laughed along until her laughs faded into a smile. “Well, it’s time for your favourite part of the session Brendon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>My face fell. “Which is…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You now have to leave and get your prescription filled.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” I said, before smiling. “Well, see you next time Dr Jo, when I’ll be able to grace you with the presence of my body once again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be counting down the days.” She chuckled. “Have fun Brendon.” She dismissed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I flashed her one last grin before walking out the door to see Sarah waiting in the waiting room, pleasantly surprised to see me smiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are we good to go?” She asked, smiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “We sure are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grabbed my hand and led me to the car. Once we were seated she spoke once again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In good news, the doctors determined they didn’t need to do more scans for you Bren. I think we just have to check in, then you should be good to go.” Sarah beamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awesome.” I smiled. “Are we heading there now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” She said. Her smile faded slightly. “I want to try and wish Kaitlyn the best of luck before she goes in for the operation. Is that okay?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course it is! I want to be there too. I mean, it’s well, it’s a biopsy. She deserves everybody there comforting her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We both shuddered at the thought of the biopsy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully they don’t find anything.” Sarah sighed. “Hopefully the worst she comes out with is a scar, nothing serious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “Yeah, nothing serious.” I echoed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh Bren, can you do me a favour and close your eyes? I’m taking a shortcut to the hospital.” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is it okay if I try to get through it this time?” I asked nervously. “I’m feeling really good right now, a-and I’m not even driving.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you want Bren. Just tell me if you want to stop. We have some time if we go this way.” Sarah assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Okay cool.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned down to the road. As she drove, she exchanged many worried glances in my direction. I felt a tad nervous as we passed by the scene of the crash, but I was fine as we made the final stretch down the road.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah relaxed a bit, and focused more on the road once we were off of Parkinson’s. She smiled slightly when we finally reached the hospital.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think that’s the first time I’ve driven you down that road and you haven’t freaked out Bren. I’m so proud of you right now.” She said with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Some of her positivity must’ve rubbed off on me, as I found myself smiling. “I’m proud of myself too. Is that sad?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Bren. That’s awesome. I could kiss you right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“....Could you?” I asked sheepishly. I felt pathetic honestly, asking like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah giggled and pressed her lips against mine. In that moment, nothing else mattered. We drew each other closer, and I held her tightly, passionately rubbing our lips together. The moment was only broken when Sarah pulled away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hate to ruin that, but, we have to visit Kaitlyn or else we’ll miss her before she goes in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled sadly. “Can we finish this later?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Course.” She giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed her hand as we walked into the hospital. First, we got the okay from my doctor to leave the hospital before we rushed over to where Kaitlyn was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon! Sarah!” She said, smiling weakly at us. “I was starting to think you weren’t coming!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We wouldn’t miss it for the world bub. We want to make sure our little girl is okay!” Sarah assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m okay.” She sniffled. “I’m just, a bit scared I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fine.” I assured. “It’s okay to be scared. We’ll be here as soon as you wake up little worm. We promise.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” She said softly. “What if they find something bad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well then we work super hard to make sure you’re healthy bub. We’ll work hard to make sure nothing changes.” Sarah promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A nurse entered the room with a canister and a gas mask. “I’m afraid it’s time to administer the sedative. It won’t work immediately, so you’ll have an hour or so with, um, drowsy side-effects.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We nodded and Kaitlyn just tensed up. Sarah took her hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s all going to be okay, bub.” She whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse set up the machine and put the mask on Kaitlyn’s face. She looked at us nervously, and I could tell she was trying to limit the amount of gas she was breathing in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, it’s okay little worm. Just breathe normally.” I said, taking her hand in mine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She relaxed a little and her breathing returned to normal. I could still tell she was terrified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if something goes wrong?” She asked nervously. “W-what if the doctor messes it up and I end up worse off than I already am?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I squeezed her hand. “It’s just a risk we have to take little worm. The risk is there, but if it all goes to plan, we’ll know exactly what’s up and how to help you if we need to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can you sing me something Brendon?” She whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sing?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” She said sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wasn’t sure. I had lost almost all confidence in my singing voice. Sarah nudged me, and gave me worried eyes. Kaitlyn still looked absolutely terrified. And I decided in that moment, making my daughter feel better was more important than my own insecurities.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You are my sunshine</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My only sunshine</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You make me happy</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>When skies are grey</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’ll never know, dear</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How much I love you</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Please don’t take,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My sunshine away.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Bren.” She said, forcing a small smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave her a hug. “You’re going to be okay, I promise.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah joined the hug, and we hugged for a moment, as a family, until Kaitlyn finally pulled away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Thank you both. So much. For everything.” She sniffled. “You guys saved my life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you surely made mine, and probably Sarah’s so much better little worm. There’s no need to thank us. We are simply returning the favour.” I said </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn smiled. “I love you so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too little worm. I owe everything to you.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn yawned, the gas obviously beginning to affect her. “Why everything? You did so much before you met me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I did things before, but I’m able to do so much more now. You are my everything Kaitlyn. You’re the best daughter I could hope for.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “You’re the most amazing Dad ever Brendon.” She giggled. “This gas is making me feel funny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled. “I’m sure it is. At least it’s working.” I responded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what I really wanna do when we get outta here?” She asked, her words slightly overlapping as the gas took effect.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that little worm?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She giggled. “I want to do your makeup!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My makeup? Sure.” Sarah shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She giggled more and pointed at me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, his makeup!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I laughed. “Why not?” I responded. “I could do with a bit of a makeover.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aaaaaaand after that we should go out into the city to show it off!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course little worm. Whatever you want.” I responded, brushing her hair back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And can we go to a music shop?” Kaitlyn asked. “With lots of guitars and pianos and guitars and accordions and kazoos and guitars?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I laughed. “Of course little worm. Sounds like fun.” I replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! And then could we maybe go roller skating? I’ve never been roller skating before!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. We can go roller skating if you wish.” I responded, Sarah just smiling beside me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She studied my face for a moment, trying, and failing to keep a poker face. “Are you just agreeing to everything I say?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope.” I responded, laughing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we murder Gretchen?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I paused, not knowing if she was being serious, or if she was just trying to make me say no.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh….” Sarah jumped in. “Let’s not get into that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn frowned. “I-I’m really mad at her Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know bub. I am too. We aren’t hurting anyone though, okay?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, um, could we press charges?” Kaitlyn asked nervously. “I mean, I am having a biopsy now because of her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll see bub. We’ll do whatever we can.” Sarah assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn started crying. “My life is r-ruined!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah and I hugged her. “We’ll make sure it isn’t bub. Even if they find something, we’ll work around it. Soon enough it’ll be back to normal.” Sarah promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn sniffled. “Normal? Sarah, my life isn’t normal. Far from it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, it’ll be back to happiness, to our own twisted version of normality. What I’m saying is, you’ll be okay.” Sarah stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn sniffled. “Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn looked around and smiled weakly at us, before her eyes shut.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “She’s so scared Sarah. She’s terrified.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” She said, rubbing circles into the back of her palm. “All we can do now is sit tight.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse entered once again. “We’re just about ready to get started. Do you two know where the waiting room is?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah. We’ll make our way there now.” Sarah stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We held hands again as we walked out to the waiting room, taking our seats on the benches that were set up there. Sarah appeared to be in thought about something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s on your mind?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She paused. “I was just thinking about when Kaitlyn said she wanted to press charges. I mean, it’s a possibility Bren. We could go for assault, grievous bodily harm, harassment, and I’m sure there are many others.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, well yeah, I guess. I just didn’t think much of it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah picked at her fingernail. “Yeah, I’m just thinking if whether it’s something we should actually look into. Because although that horrible kid did the wrong thing, she doesn’t have anything to give us. She’s already in state custody, she’s got practically nothing. So even if we did sue her, I’m not sure we’d get a payout.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “We’ll just have to see. I’m sure you’ll work something out. You’re the smart one here Sarah.” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Yeah, I guess so. Maybe we need a lawyer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s probably for the best. Then we may work out a solution.” I said</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Sarah mumbled. “D-do you think Kaitlyn’s going to be okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a deep breath in. “I hope so. I really do. I just can’t be sure of anything right now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I’m just really scared for her. I’m really worried that something is terribly wrong. They came in and did the scans, and then they asked for a biopsy, and they don’t normally do that unless something is really wrong!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed her hand and squeezed. “I’d hate to say it, but something is probably wrong Sarah. We just need to work out how we’re going to cope with that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A tear slid down her cheek. “I’ve ruined her life Brendon. Why did I make that stupid phone call?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, there is no way you could’ve known what would’ve come from that. You went in with good intentions Sarah, we were just unlucky enough to be punished for trying to spread good. This isn’t your fault at all.” I tried to comfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She rested her head on my shoulder. “I’m worried I’m going to have to quit my job Bren. I might need to be at home all the time now, to take care of her. I’m worried that we’re not going to be able to afford this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, if you have to quit your job, I’ll work harder, find another job even. If we have to we can move. We’ll find a way. I promise.” I vowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “The doctors were worried about her stance, Bren.” She sniffled. “I’m worried, what if she can’t walk anymore? What if she can’t get up the stairs?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then we move her bedroom downstairs, or we move. We’ll find a way Sarah.” I promised. “I’m sure.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hate not knowing.” She whispered quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Sarah. So do I. I hate it so much, but I’ve got to try and push that away. I just wish that it had been me, that I was in that operating room right now.” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want it to be any of us Brendon. I just want to be at home.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d like to be back home also, sadly, that’s not where the world wants us right now. It’s like everything is against us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sniffled. “D-do you think we could go downstairs and get a coffee or something? I just need to take my mind off of this for a minute before I break down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Sarah. Let’s go.” I responded, getting up out of my seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked downstairs to the small cafe that was there, and I bought Sarah a coffee while she sat at a table. I bought a chocolate milkshake for myself, and finally I bought a plate of fries for us to share.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down across from her and looked right at her. “How on earth do you do it?” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do what Bren?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you run around the hospital, the house even for days on end and still come out looking flawless? That’s what I wanna know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She giggled. “Well, it’s a little thanks to coffee, and a little thanks to makeup.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds amazing. I’ll keep a mental note. Maybe I’ll even be prettier than you then!” I laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah giggled. “You’re pretty pretty already Brendon. One of the prettiest guys I’ve ever seen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“ONE of the prettiest?!” I asked, acting incredibly shocked and offended. Sarah’s giggles intensified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright! Alright you’re the prettiest! You’re the prettiest guy I’ve ever seen!” She laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I laughed. “I don’t know where on earth I’d be without you Sarah. You are the best wife ever.” I said, sneaking around the table to give her a kiss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awww. You’re such an awesome husband Bren. I missed hanging out with you.” She admitted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well hopefully there’ll be a lot more of that then.” I replied. “Because I miss it too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked up at Sarah before cracking a huge grin. I placed my lips on the straw and began making slurping noises. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon!” She giggled quietly. “Stop it!” She whispered playfully as I continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nudged me before I stopped. “How long do you think it’ll take?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn’s thing?” She asked. “Um, maybe an hour or two?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Well what shall we do while we wait?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah giggled. “Brendon…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m just saying, we could, ya know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah blushed. “You can’t say stuff like that in public Brendon!” She giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well maybe we should leave so we aren’t in public…” I continued suggestively.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah’s giggling intensified. “Well, how about we drop by the motel a couple of streets away?” She suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds great.” I responded. “Let’s not waste time.” I said, holding out my hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah giggled. “Let’s go then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Kaitlyn’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I woke, everything still terribly hazy. “Brendon? Sarah?” I asked drowsily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Bub,” I heard Sarah say, “How are you feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel kinda like I’m gonna fall back asleep.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That gas tends to do that.” Brendon said, gently brushing some hair off of my face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmmm…” I mumbled. “Do they know what’s wrong yet?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think so. We haven’t heard much though. Sit tight bub.” Sarah responded. “I’m sure we’ll find out soon enough.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did it go well?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We hope so. The doctor didn’t seem too stressed out when you came out like we’d imagined him to be.” Sarah replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How many stitches?” I asked, “And where are they?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to say 16 in total. One incision along the centre of you scalp and one just below your hairline at the back.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>My eyes widened. “I thought there’d be like,3 or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re sorry, bub.” Sarah apologized, seemingly unsure as to what she were to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I lightly moved my hand up to the back of my head, instead to find it wrapped in a thick bandage. “It’s just, more than I thought I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon took my hand. “Luckily it’s not worse I suppose.” He responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Did they cut my hair?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh…” He started. “They had to. Sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry bub.” Sarah tried to assure me. “They only shaved around the incision, and you won’t even be able to notice it when you put your hair down. If you do, then we can get it cut in a way that will hide it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” I mumbled, feeling kind of sad about it. “That’s o-okay.” I repeated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry little worm.” Brendon said. “Do you want to sit up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “That’d be nice.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah grabbed the remote for the bed, and with a gentle whir, the bed slowly morphed into a seated position.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Better?” Brendon asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Thanks, I guess.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want some water?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should be fine. Thanks though.” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve got some more colour in your face now.” Brendon noted. “You’re looking better already.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I forced a small smile. “I guess that’s good.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Sarah mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A doctor came in, clipboard in hand. “Hello Urie family.” He greeted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello doctor.” I said in the same manner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is everything fine so far?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I think so.” I told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. We have the results back from the biopsy. I figured we should inform you as soon as possible.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah grabbed my hand and I gripped it tightly from the nerves. “Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There was some bleeding,” He began. “But, we believe that we may be able to clear it up without any serious long term effects if we do it soon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t do that during the same operation?!” Brendon snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re deeply sorry Mr Urie. We were more concerned in looking for more injuries.” The doctor responded, flustered at Brendon’s exclamation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is there anything else?” Sarah asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There was nothing much else. There is some bruising we’ll have to monitor but that’s about it.” He replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” I whispered nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there anything else you’d like to inquire about while I’m here?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When is the next procedure to stop the bleeding?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully we can get her in tomorrow. I know it seems soon but it’s best if we complete it now.” He responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The sooner the better.” Brendon said firmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll inform you as soon as the position is confirmed.” He stated, before leaving the room.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. Chapter 33 - The Procedure</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you, little worm?” I asked. Kaitlyn was due to go in for her operation soon and we were just waiting for a nurse to get the gas. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn simply shrugged before she went back to picking at her fingernails. “As good as person can be before brain surgery I suppose.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This one isn’t as bad Kaitlyn. At least we know what is happening now.” I tried to assure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s still scary Brendon. They’re cutting my head open and going into my brain.” She told me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know little worm. I know it’s scary, but we are going to be here. We promise. It’ll be fine.” I comforted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed her hand and squeezed. “Trust me, you’ll be fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay Bren, if you say so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse came in and set Kaitlyn up before leaving without a word.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great. Now I’m going to say more drowsy things.” Kaitlyn muttered sarcastically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine bub. Besides, we enjoy having conversations with drowsy Kaitlyn as much as normal Kaitlyn.” Sarah giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn rolled her eyes. “You just like it because I say silly things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on Kaitlyn, It isn’t that bad. I’ve been there in that position. That’s how I got my idea to write a hit single about socks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That made her giggle. “Socks?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The best ideas are usually the most random ones.” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know what you should write a song about!” She gasped excitedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah giggled. “What’s that Kaitlyn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should write a song about Opal! Not Ollie, he keeps biting my feet. Just Opal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah turned away and mouthed ‘The gas has taken effect’. I nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good Kaitlyn. Should I give Ollie his own song?” I laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe. I don’t know. Maybe.” She responded drowsily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’ll look into it. You sit tight, okay?” I said. “When you wake up little worm, it will all be over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “I don’t want anymore operations. This is scary.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know little worm. But I’m here. And so is Sarah. We’re here to take care of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shed a few tears. “Please don’t ever leave me. I-I need you two.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll never leave you bub.” Sarah assured her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her tears deepened. “I don’t want the surgery. I’m scared Sarah!” She cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know bub. I know.” She said soothingly. “But you’ve got to try and be strong right now, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if I can. It’s too much.” She replied shakily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah wrapped her frail body in a hug. “You’ll be okay bub. You can hug me until you fall asleep if that helps.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “I don’t want anymore hospitals.” She murmured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah softly patted her back. “I know. Soon you’ll be out of here. I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn soon drifted to sleep, crying the whole time. I helped Sarah out of her tight grip and laid her down gently on the hospital bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m torn Brendon.” Sarah sighed. “Part of me just wants to wrap her in a blanket and take her home so she doesn’t have to deal with this, while the other half of me knows that she’s going to need this or else she could die from the bleeding.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Sarah. It’s really hard. I’m just looking forward to the moment we can finally take her home, and everything is okay again.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sniffled. “We’ve got to get you to Dr Jo now Bren. What’s in that bag you’re taking?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, just, random things she asked me to bring.” I lied, trying to hide the fact that I had two halves of a blanket and some sewing materials in there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay.” Sarah responded. “As long as you know what’s going on I guess.”  She said, leading me out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We headed to the car, and Sarah drove me to Dr Jo’s office. We were a tad early, so we sat in the waiting room for a couple of minutes. I entertained myself by watching a kid who was sticking crayons up his nose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon?” Dr Jo called, pulling me out of my daze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I’m here.” I said, grabbing the bag from under my seat. Dr Jo led me to her office and I put my bag on the coffee table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You said last time you’d teach me to hand stitch.” I reminded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” She said, sitting beside me, rather than across from me. “Shall we get started?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I really want to get this done. Kaitlyn’s in surgery right now, and I guess I wanted her to wake up to something nice. She was crying as she went to sleep. She’s really scared, Dr Jo. Terrified.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rightly so. You were scared too when this all started.” She replied. “Okay, do you know how to thread the needle?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know nothing about this stuff.” I admitted. “This is my first time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. You see this little hole?” She asked, holding up a needle. “The thread has to go through that hole.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed the black thread and tried to poke it through. But no matter how many times I tried, it just wouldn’t go through. I growled in frustration as it started fraying, making my job even harder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, it’s okay. I’m not good at threading the needle. You can suck on the end of the thread to help with the fraying problem.” She suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I licked the thread, and finally, I managed to get it through the hole. I tried to hide my smile of accomplishment for such a menial task.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good job, Brendon!” She encouraged. “Now, tie the thread in a knot so it doesn’t come off.” She instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tied the knot and looked at the needle in my hand. Dr Jo pulled the 2 blanket halves out of the bag and lined them up in a way that I could sew them together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay Brendon. Now thread the needle into one half of the fabric, then pulling it so the thread is all through. Then, you just thread it into the other piece and pull. Does that make any sense to you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How far through do I pull it?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pull it all the way through, if you feel pressure, stop pulling and make sure the thread isn’t bunched up.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled the thread through the first piece of fabric, and then the second piece of fabric. It looked alright for my first stitch, I suppose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so thread it back through the first piece.” She instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I did as she said, carefully pulling the black thread through the two pieces of fabric. And it was all looking great and going great, until I ran out of thread three quarters of the way through.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do I do?!” I asked frantically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Calm down Brendon. Just tie the thread and continue with a new piece.” She responded calmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My fingers started shaking as I tried to tie the knot. “I-I can’t tie it, Dr Jo!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Brendon. I’ll tie it, okay?” She said, taking the fabric and tying the thread.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m so useless at this stuff.” I mumbled. “Lydia could do it so well. I’m just hopeless with crafts.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine Brendon. That’s why I’m teaching you. You’ll get better, I promise.” Dr Jo assured. “It’s fine to not be good at everything immediately.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” I mumbled as I began stitching the last quarter together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, why do you feel like you need to be perfect at everything the first time around?” She asked curiously. “It’s not like people are going to torment you for not being perfect. You’re trying Brendon, and that’s a lot more than some people do.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose.” I muttered, concentrating on the task at hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re doing great Brendon.” Dr Jo complimented. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I picked the blanket up and cringed. “It looks horrible. I thought it would look like it used to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, it looks amazing. I’m sure Kaitlyn will love it. Push out those thoughts criticizing your every move, and focus on the positives. You just fixed the blanket Brendon!” She stated joyously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah I fixed it, but the blanket is yellow and I used black thread. It looks disgusting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, it’s fine. I’m sure she won’t mind. If she truly loves you, she’ll love you tried. She won’t care that the thread doesn’t match Brendon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Yeah, maybe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When are you planning to give it to her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think her operation ends soon, but then we have to wait for the sedative to wear off. I think I’ll give it to her when we visit her right after the operation. Sarah and I have been trying to get there early so we’re there when she wakes up…” I responded.. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds lovely Brendon. Something nice to wake up to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I just talk to you now?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. That is why you come to these sessions after all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know this seems stupid, but at the rate everything is going…...when do you think I’ll be better?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed. “I know you want me to give you a length of time Brendon, but I can’t. There is no formula for calculating the rate of recovery with these things. It’s unpredictable when you’ll be better Brendon. But, I’m going to say for some peace of mind, maybe a couple of months. But that could all change in an instant, so don’t hold me to my word.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded, a few tears welling in my eyes. “O-okay.” I responded hastily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon I know this is upsetting, but you’re going to recover. The amount of time it takes will vary, but you will recover. And that’s what you need to remember.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the tears deepened, I attempted to wipe them away. “I’m sorry…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t need to apologise Brendon.” Dr Jo told me as she pushed the box of tissues in my direction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want all of this to be over so I can just focus on Kaitlyn. I’ve grown way more attached to her than I thought I would.” I said, using the tissues to wipe away the tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And why do you think that is Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I guess I always just wanted a child, and now that I have one, I want to protect her at all costs. It’s weird, I know.” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Brendon. That’s not weird. Almost every father on this planet will say that about their child. It’s quite sweet actually. Do you know how she feels about you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t really know. I hope she loves me…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what has she been saying to you recently?” Dr Jo asked. “Anything memorable?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, she called me dad. She was on the gas though…” I responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, that’s wonderful. You’re obviously proving to be quite the father.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She probably doesn’t even remember.” I murmured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did she say anything when she wasn’t on gas that stood out to you then Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I can’t really think of anything right now…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, she wouldn’t have said it on gas if she didn’t have evidence to back it up in real life.” Dr Jo assured me. “I’m certain she loves you Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really hope so…” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, let’s talk about Sarah. How is Sarah going with all this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She seems kind of stressed, but she’s trying to stay positive. She has had a few mini meltdowns though.” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo paused for a moment. “You’ve been looking after her, haven’t you Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been trying. I don’t know how well it works.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon,” Dr Jo said cautiously. “I think you really need to look after Sarah right now. I know it’s hard with all that’s happening with Kaitlyn, but she really needs you right now. Take her home, make her shower, watch a movie and make sure she gets some sleep. If Sarah breaks down Brendon, then you don’t have your biggest support. I know, this is sounding a little, well, selfish, but for both your safety and hers, take care of her tonight Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ll try.” I stammered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.” Dr Jo said. “I’m afraid our time for today is up Brendon. Now, take care of Sarah, and yourself, and I’ll see you in a few days.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “There was more I wanted to talk about.” I mumbled to myself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I have another patient to see now I’m afraid. I have a gap at 6 if you wish to come back, but you and Sarah will have to talk to reception about that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll see if Sarah can organise it…” I murmured, getting up to leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I suppose I’ll see you later then Brendon. Good luck with Kaitlyn. I’m sure she’s going to love the blanket.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I mumbled a response before going into the waiting room to find Sarah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon?” She called, as she saw me leave the office. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” I asked, turning back to face her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are we good to go?” She asked, cautiously almost.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I was um, I was wondering if you could make another appointment at 6, I just, I just wanted to go over a couple more things.” I stammered sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Bren.” She replied, before leading me into the reception.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah booked the appointment, and we began driving back to the hospital. I decided to make conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I fixed Kaitlyn’s blanket…” I trailed off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s great Bren!” Sarah replied. “I’m so proud of you!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I thought it might be nice, considering all that’s happened…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s great Bren! I’m sure Kaitlyn will love it.” She continued. “You’re an awesome father Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I couldn't help but smile. “You’re an awesome mother Sarah. She loves you so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t be half as good without you. We’re like a team, leaning on each other.” She replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I blushed. “I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too Bren. More than anything.” She responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aww. I love you more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure about that?” Sarah challenged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep.” I replied, mocking a confident pose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah pulled into the carpark before bringing my lips close and closing in for a kiss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so.” She mocked, before getting out of the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go.” She said, taking my hand and leading me to Kaitlyn’s room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I saw her lying helplessly on the bed, a new scar gracing her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I brushed some of her hair over to cover it. “I guess we’ll have to find a way to hide that one too.” I mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah came up behind me and rested her head on my shoulder. “Don’t stress over it Bren. She’ll work something out, don’t worry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I hope so.” I said, taking Sarah’s hand in my own and squeezing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled the blanket out that I had brought in and laid it on top of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it looks horrible, but I tried.” I mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah gave me a quick kiss. “It’s amazing Brendon. She’ll love it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn began stirring before her eyes opened slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon….” Kaitlyn asked drowsily. “Is it over?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, it's over little worm.” I said, holding her hand. “You can relax.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled the blankets over her, noticing the new blanket and her eyes widened in excitement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fixed!” She whispered excitedly. “Thank you so much!” She said, hugging my arm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s no problem, little worm. You deserve it for being so brave for us.” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She snuggled into the blankets and smiled. “You guys are awesome.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah chuckled. “Is anything sore bub? Do we need some more painkillers?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded lightly. “My head is throbbing.” She whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can imagine.” I said, “I’ll go find someone. You sit tight little worm, I’ll be back in a minute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” She whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stepped outside Kaitlyn’s hospital room and walked around the hallway until I found a doctor. After doing my best to explain the case, he agreed to send someone over with some stronger pain medication.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I returned to the room, where Kaitlyn was lying down, obviously in pain. She was trying not to show it but I could still tell. “They’re going to get you some stronger painkillers little worm. Hold on until they arrive.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” She quivered nervously. “I-It really hurts Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure it does.” I replied. A nurse came in with a bag. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello Urie family. I have the pain medication here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wonderful.” Sarah said. “Thanks for coming so quickly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. Just don’t want a patient in pain.” She replied, hanging up the bag and connecting the tube. “There you go. That should be a bit better soon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” I nodded, turning my attention back to Kaitlyn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard the nurse leave before I struck up conversation. “Anything else you need Kaitlyn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A hug?” She asked sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I leaned over and wrapped my arms around her. Sarah joined in. “Of course little worm.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She giggled. “I love you guys so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled. “We love you just as much, if not more.” She assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aww.” Kaitlyn said. “So much love here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled. “Yep. Got a constant flow of love going on.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn yawned. “Yeah. So much love. So much…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s asleep.” Sarah whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All the surgery must be taking it’s toll.” I whispered back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Yeah. She’s gone through so much…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not fair. Why her? There’s millions of kids her age on this planet… why her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know Bren. I guess she was just the unlucky one.” Sarah replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Should we leave her to get some sleep?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. We’ll come and see her in the morning.” Sarah responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the time now?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, 5:15ish?” Sarah guessed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Well, we’ve got a bit of time until I have to be at Dr Jo’s, so, do you want to go and get some dinner or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Sure. Anywhere in particular?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “You pick.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Let’s go.” She replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gently brushed some hair off of Kaitlyn’s sleeping face before Sarah and I headed downstairs to the car. She drove me to a casual restaurant, and we took our seats inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I opened the menu and glanced at it. “What are you thinking of having?” I asked Sarah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I honestly don’t know.” She sighed. “Probably some salad or something. I don’t feel like anything really.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Sarah, eat something. How many days have you been running around the hospital on barely anything? Get something substantial.” I told her sternly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really Brendon, it’s fine. I’m not hungry. I’m just eating because I know I haven’t.” She replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel like I’m talking to Kaitlyn now.” I said. “I’m ordering for you. You’re eating a good meal whether you want it or not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Fine Brendon. If you say so.” She responded, not trying to fight any longer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ordered some food and sat back down next to Sarah, who was desperately trying to apply some more foundation to her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When was the last time you slept?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She paused for a moment. “I honestly don’t know.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“After dinner I’m dropping you home. You need to sleep Sarah.” I told her sternly. Then I wrapped her in a hug. “You need to have some Sarah time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine Brendon. I can worry about that later.” She assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Sarah, you can’t.” I whispered. “I need you to take some time for yourself. Just tonight. Get some sleep, eat some food, maybe watch a movie if you want to. But you need a rest from running around, trying to look after everyone else. It’s my turn to look after you now, and I say you need sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay Bren.” She whispered. “I don’t need it, I can keep going for a few days but if that’s what you want, I’ll take a night off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” I said, hugging her tight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The waitress brought our food out and as I ate my lasagne, I watched Sarah intently to make sure she finished everything on her plate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m done.” She said, pushing food around her plate. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eat Sarah.” I said sternly. “Please. This is bad. You’ve seen what happens when you don’t eat, Kaitlyn ended up in the hospital. Please Sarah, I’m begging you. Eat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine Brendon. I’ll have something better for breakfast, okay?” She bargained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” I said. “I’m not budging. Eat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took another bite. “Happy?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. Eat all of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, please. Not now.” She said, a slight drowsiness taking over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked at Sarah, and sighed. “Come on. Let’s get you into bed. You really need to sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and got up from her seat. “Let’s go.” She said, taking the keys off of the table beside her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I paid the bill and drove Sarah home, and she almost fell asleep on the way. I carried her inside and laid her down on our bed, pulling the covers up and tucking her in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I drove back to Dr Jo’s office and arrived a few minutes early. I sat in the waiting room and looked around at the emptiness. There were two other people here, other than that, it was silent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, Dr Jo called me in. I followed her into her office and sat down on the lounge. “Been a while, hey?” I joked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” She chuckled. “How’d everything go?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn liked the blanket…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. How is Sarah?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Took her for dinner, didn’t want to eat. Almost fell asleep. I tucked her into bed just before I came here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “She’s got to stop overworking herself.” Dr Jo murmured. “What about you? How are you Brendon?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Good I suppose. I’m glad Kaitlyn’s surgeries are all finished, but she’s got all these scars on her head now, and she’s worried about them, and so is Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you been trying to assure her it’s okay? That she shouldn’t worry?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but it’s not working. Kaitlyn’s a worrier. She’s terrified over everything. Not surprisingly, she’s going through some pretty terrifying stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is true. You said you had more stuff you wanted to talk about when you left. Do you still want to talk about those things?” Dr Jo questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I guess so. They’re all pretty silly things though…” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, let’s talk about them anyway. What’s something you wanted to talk to me about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I kinda wanted to know how I can live around this guilt. It feels like everything makes me feel horribly guilty.” I stated hesitantly. “I don’t know. It’s stupid to ask.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon…” Dr Jo sighed. “I know that the guilt can be overpowering at times. That is why I prescribe you medications. Have you been taking them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I paused. “Not really…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well there’s your answer Brendon. Medication will help you, but you need to actually take it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled slightly. “O-okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, was there anything else you wanted to talk about in particular?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “There’s a few things actually…” I responded. “I made it down Parkinson’s. Sarah was driving, but I made it the entire way without freaking out too badly.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s amazing Brendon. How did you feel when you were driving down there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I tried to not think about it. I was a bit nervous at the exact scene but nothing much other than that.” I whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s great. How were you feeling when you made it to the end?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I felt accomplished. It was horribly pathetic, I know…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Brendon. It’s not pathetic. It’s awesome.” Dr Jo told me. “How was Sarah feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She said she was proud of me…” I trailed off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did that make you feel good Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I fiddled with my fingers. “Well yeah. I didn’t feel so useless then.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo smiled. “Why do you think that is?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I just always feel like I’m not helping Sarah at all, but when she is happy with me, I guess I feel a bit better.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good.” Dr Jo told me. “Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess I just want your help with some things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. What sort of things?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to know how I can help Sarah through all of this.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The best advice I can give,” Dr Jo said. “Is just to be there. Hold her hand when she’s nervous, hug her when she’s scared. Make sure she eats and sleeps, and always be there when she needs to talk. The more you’re there, the better off she’ll be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Okay. I honestly think Sarah opened my eyes up to something also.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well she was talking about how she might need to stop working if Kaitlyn needed constant care and I guess I just realised I haven’t been contributing much to the family. And then Kaitlyn asked me to sing for her, and since I hadn’t been singing, I was afraid I’d be so rusty. Do you think I should attempt to pick up music as an occupation again? I’m afraid I may need some vocal lessons to get back into it though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, someone of your status, I don’t think you can ever go back to doing something other than music. You’re a household name, and I think that giving music another shot will be good for you. Are you thinking of starting with just a single, or do you want to write an album?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess I want to do another album, I’m just unsure as to where I should start.” I responded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I advise you start with a single. One song to start it all. Talk to your producer, a couple of your music buddies, get some input. That way, there’s no real commitment at first, and if after the one song doesn’t work out, then you could start looking at other options if you wanted to. A single would also generate some excitement amongst your fans. It would be your big return to the music scene.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I guess that’s a good idea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you been working on anything Brendon?” Dr Jo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only a few little things here and there. Nothing grand.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe over the next few days you could start experimenting a bit. Don’t force anything together too quickly, but come up with a couple of separate little things. Once you’ve got some of those, then you can start piecing them together to start getting a song.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I guess.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I think our time is up for today Brendon.” Dr Jo said. “Now, remember to take your medication. Look after Sarah, and if you want to, maybe start experimenting with some instruments.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have a good night.” I said as I left the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good night Brendon.” She called as I began walking back to the car. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got home and laid on the couch, just trying to organise all of my thoughts. Kaitlyn was due in for testing tomorrow, and I wasn’t sure how she would react. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got up from my cushiony cave and pulled my medication out of the cupboard. I stared mindlessly at the bottle, contemplating whether or not to take them. I took the pills out of the bottle and swallowed them down with water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon? Is that you?”  A sleepy Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should be asleep…”  I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you were a burglar. I don’t think a robber would be taking your pills, though.” She said, rubbing her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on Sarah, let’s get to bed.” I commented, taking her hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to know what happened at Dr Jo’s.”  She stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I’ll tell you in the morning. Before we go to visit Kaitlyn, okay?” I assured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded and followed me to bed.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Chapter 34 - Testing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>***** Sarah’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what happened at Dr Jo’s last night?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon sighed. “I just told her about some concerns of mine. Just small things I didn’t get to ask earlier.” He replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like..?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was nothing important, don’t worry.” He replied, avoiding the conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright then Bren. But remember you can talk to me, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it’s just some stuff I was worrying about. I would tell you, it’s just so trivial and pointless.” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Okay Brendon. Can you make me some coffee please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” He said, wandering to the coffee machine. “When do we have to leave?” He asked, making conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked at the clock on the wall. “We’ve got an hour.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He simply nodded, not providing a direct response. After it was done, he silently placed the coffee in front of me, his still in his hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay, Bren?” I asked, becoming concerned at his strange behaviours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “I guess. I don’t know. Maybe?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If there is anything wrong, you need to tell me Bren. I need to know.” I said, looking straight at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m just a bit worried about Kaitlyn and what’s going to happen today.” He mumbled. “With the testing and all, I’m just worried.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bit my lip, forming a response. “Look, she’s made it this far, I’m sure she’ll be fine. I get where you’re coming from. I’m worried too.” I replied, hoping to comfort him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nervously tapped his fingers on the benchtop. “W-Where do you keep my medication Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm, the daily stuff is in the kitchen cabinet, the emergency stuff is in my bag.” I responded, becoming slightly more concerned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wandered to my bag and popped two of the emergency ones in his mouth. “Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem? Are you really that worried Brendon?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, I’m really, really scared.” He admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked over and wrapped him in a hug. “It’ll be fine, I promise.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” He whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need to have eaten something if you’ve taken those,” I said sternly. “I’m just going to make you some breakfast.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” He replied hesitantly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I poured him and myself a bowl of cornflakes and we sat down at the dining table to eat. I watched intently to make sure he finished his bowl.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I noticed he was shaking, but he did finish it. “I’ve finished.” He replied shakily. “Are you? I can take your bowl if you’re done. Don’t rush though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I drank the milky remains in an unladylike fashion, before handing Brendon my bowl. “Are you sure? You’re shaking really badly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-it’s fine.” He stammered. “D-don’t worry a-about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took the two bowls off of him. “Go get dressed Bren, I’ll be up in a minute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I c-could’ve done it.” He mumbled. “You d-didn’t have to…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. But I just think it’s best if you go get dressed now Bren. I’ll be there soon, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He glumly nodded before disappearing upstairs, presumably to get dressed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I put the bowls in the dishwasher and began my trek upstairs, and I found Brendon in the wardrobe, desperately trying to do up the buttons on his shirt, but his fingers were shaking too much to be able to get the buttons into their corresponding holes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few tears began welling in his eyes. “I-I’m useless Sarah!” He cried. “I-I can’t even d-dress myself!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, Brendon. You’re not useless. Here, let me help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked down in shame as I did up his shirt. “I-I’m sorry.” He murmured glumly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, you don’t have to apologise. It’s not your fault, you know that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but y-you shouldn’t have t-to dress me.” He sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not dressing you, I’m doing a couple of buttons up. Some people call this romantic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It could be romantic if you had a choice. You’re basically forced into stupid stuff like this.” He cried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had a choice. I could have chosen not to help you, and just let you come with me with your shirt undone or I could’ve waited until the medication kicked in and finished it. Look, you’re shaking less already.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. I’m sorry you have to put up with this so often. It’s horrible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t mind Brendon. I don’t at all.” I assured him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wiped some of his tears away. “How long do you think you’ll be able to deal with this? Am I going to be alone soon? Are you going to leave me because of this?” He asked, fear glazing each word.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I’m never leaving you. Ever. You’re the love of my life and I wouldn’t be able to survive without you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So the love of your life is a nutjob. Doesn’t that make you sad? Or angry?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” I said simply. “It makes me want to make him feel better. I don’t mind, Brendon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should just leave now, in case it gets worse…” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” I told him firmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, Sarah. I can’t let you be hurt. I don’t know what’s going to happen.” He said. “Please, just go. I need you too. I don’t want you wasting your time. I don’t even know if I’ll get better Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Put your shoes on, we’re going to the hospital to see Kaitlyn now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He quietly put on his shoes and wavered behind me, just following me, rather than thinking for himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I drove to the hospital and we walked to Kaitlyn’s room, where one of the nurses had helped her into a wheelchair. She was staring at the window overlooking the parking lot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon just shared a few silent glances with Kaitlyn, rather than making any sort of attempt to comfort or greet her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I decided to initiate some conversation. “Hi bub! How are you feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m okay, I guess.” She replied bleakly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ready for the testing today?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Yeah, I guess so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “What is up with everyone today? Smile!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn forced a smile before it sunk back to a frown. “I’m sorry. The hospital has just taken everything out of me.” She responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we’ll be out of here soon.” I assured her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess so.” She droned. “I’m just sick of it all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know bub.” I said. “But it’ll all be over soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A nurse came to the door. “The doctor is ready to see you in his office now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Okay, let get this over done with, shall we?” I enthused slightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We got to the office and sat down while we waited for the doctor. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Brendon’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, Kaitlyn, my name is Dr John and I’m going to be doing some testing with you today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn gulped nervously, and Sarah took her hand in a comforting manner. I sat there awkwardly, trying not to mess up yet another thing. We were sitting in a medium sized office in an end of the hospital that I didn’t know existed. The walls were mint green, and the floor was covered in a soft fall covering in a bright rainbow colour. I could tell the colours were supposed to be comforting, but it only seemed to make our family more nervous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, I know this is scary,” The doctor said gently. “But today we’re just going to do a couple of motor skills tests and such to assess the damage. I’m not going to judge you; I see 10 people a day with the same thing. We’re going to start with some easy tasks, and work our way up. Does that sound alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Kaitlyn whimpered nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor rolled his office chair so he was sitting about a metre in front of Kaitlyn’s wheelchair. He held a small beanbag in his hand, and held it out so we could see.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re going to start with a small game of catch. I’m going to throw you this, and then you need to throw it back to me, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn nodded nervously, and pulled her hands up from her sides. Sarah gave her an encouraging smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr John lightly threw the beanbag to Kaitlyn, and she caught it easily. I smiled, knowing that it was a good sign. However when she tried to throw it back, she threw it over his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry!” She gasped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr John wheeled over and picked the beanbag up. “It’s fine. Let’s go again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He threw her the beanbag again, and Kaitlyn missed it. It flew through her fingers, and fell onto her lap. Tears started to dot her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, it’s fine. You’re not expected to catch and throw every one perfectly. Neither would your Mom and Dad here.” Dr John said. “Can you throw it back to me please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grabbed the beanbag from her lap, and did her best to throw it back. The doctor smiled as he caught it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perfect. Here we go, catch this one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He threw it back, and Kaitlyn caught it. She fumbled slightly, but threw it back well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s it bub. You’re getting it.” Sarah encouraged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They continued to throw and catch, and Kaitlyn got a bit more confident each time. The doctor smiled after about the 15</span>
  <span>th</span>
  <span> throw and rolled back to his desk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good job. I don’t think you have any problems with depth perception. That’s good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess.” Kaitlyn mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, another simple one.” The doctor said, grabbing a notepad off of his desk and passing it to Kaitlyn. “Can you write your full name?” He asked, handing her a pen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took the pen nervously and positioned it in her hand as best she could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It feels weird.” She commented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you prefer to sit at my desk?” Dr John asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn nodded. “Yes please.” She whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah gently pushed the wheelchair up to the table and Kaitlyn placed the notebook down, and positioned her pen on it as best as she could. She took a nervous breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tried to write her first name and it was messy, but legible. I could tell she was much more nervous now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It looks wrong.” She stammered. “It’s too messy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, keep going bub.” Sarah assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wrote her middle name, and that turned out in a similar fashion. It wasn’t until we got to the last name that she had written something I wasn’t expecting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, your last name is Urie, remember?” I said nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, uh….”  She furiously scribbled on the page before trying to rewrite it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t matter, as long as she’s written something.” The doctor shrugged. “You’ve written all you need to Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t stop until she had written Urie, or Yurie, as she actually wrote. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s no Y in Urie, bub.” Sarah whispered nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her cheeks went bright red. “Sorry.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor moved her chair back to next to Sarah. “We’re going to do a different exercise now. I’m going to hold up these cards. They have a name of a colour of them. I want you to tell me the colour that the words are written in, not the words themselves, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn looked noticeably more nervous. “O-okay.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor flipped over the first card. It had the word ‘blue’ written in red on it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bl-Red!” She replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. Okay, next one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh… Green, wait, no, purple.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You had the right answer and then you changed it.” The doctor said. “Anyway, here’s the next one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Orange?”  She answered nervously. “Yellow? What colour even is that?” She asked sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He flipped to the next card without commenting. “What’s this one?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Blue?”  She whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor sighed and placed the cards down. “I think I’ve got all the information I need from that exercise. We’re going to try something a little harder now, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” Kaitlyn responded, almost crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah took her hand. “You’re doing so well bub. Come on, we’ve got to keep going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “What do I have to do now?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mrs Urie, can you walk to the other side of the room for me please?” The doctor asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, sure. I guess.”  She responded, moving to where he directed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor turned his attention back to Kaitlyn. “First, I’m going to ask you if you can get up from your seat. You can push yourself up using the armrests if you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn tried desperately to get up, but she kept falling. She almost got up, before she fell right back down. Tears pricked her eyes as she fell back down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m s-sorry.” She whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor held his hand out. “Alright, can you grab my arm? I’ll pull you up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and tightly gripped his arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor pulled her up, and helped off of the wheelchair. She was standing, but she was trembling incredibly badly, and her toes were pointing inward. Finally, the doctor let go of her arm, and she was sort-of standing of her own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I want to sit down. I-I’m g-gonna fall!” She whimpered desperately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Urie, if you would, can you watch to make sure she doesn’t fall?” The doctor asked me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and got up, staying close to Kaitlyn in hopes to catch her if she falls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, Kaitlyn, I know it sounds really hard, but I want you to try and walk to your Mom over there, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave a small hesitant nod before trying to take a step. She wavered a bit before she regained her balance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s really good little worm. Keep going.” I encouraged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tried to take another step forward, but she tripped up and almost tumbled to the floor. It was a good thing I was there to pull her back to her feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah held her arms out. “Come on bub. Not far to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tried to take another shaky step before she toppled forward. I tried to catch her and I wasn’t able, making me feel horribly pathetic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry! Are you okay Kaitlyn?” I asked frantically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She heaved herself into a sitting position, where she curled into a ball. “I-I don’t want to try that again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. Let’s get you seated and we can try something else, okay?”  The doctor asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah moved from her spot and helped Kaitlyn up off of the floor, and assisted her back to the wheelchair that was parked in the corner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, next thing is just some general knowledge questions. Are you okay with that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn was still crying. Sarah answered the question for her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She should be.” Sarah said nervously. “Can we just have a minute?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” He replied, sitting at his desk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah wrapped Kaitlyn in a hug as she sobbed. I heard her quietly soothing her with little messages, but I was seated too far away to hear what they actually were. I just sat there awkwardly, playing with my wedding band on my finger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can we start?” Kaitlyn asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor nodded and sat across from her. “Okay, let’s start easy, I guess. Can you name what US state you’re in?”  He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“California, isn’t it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep. Perfect. Next question. Since this hasn’t been covered yet, how old are you?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um… I know I was born in 2002.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, okay.” He said, writing something down. “Okay, what is your father’s name?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damien. Wait. Brendon. I have two.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay. Is that the same with your mother too? You have another also?”  He questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um… Sarah and, Linda was it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lydia...” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see. What’s your birthday?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm….May…...32nd?” She guessed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, that’s not a valid date. There’s only 31 days in May.” Sarah said nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She began crying again. “I’m s-sorry. I d-don’t know w-when it is.” She whimpered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Bub. We know you’re trying.” Sarah assured her. “It’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “I should know this stuff! I stuffed up my name, my birthday, who my parents are. I can’t even walk properly!” She cried in distraught.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh…” Sarah soothed. “It’s okay bub. It’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what’s going to happen?” She asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We need to finish the trivia questions.” I intervened. “I suppose we’ll find out after we finish all the exercises.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay Kaitlyn. Are you pretty good with spelling?” The doctor asked calmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know. Maybe?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was getting A’s in English.” Sarah said. “So I’m assuming.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Can you spell the word solution?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Solution?” She gulped. “Um, S-O-L-Y-O-U-S-I-O-N.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor wrote something else down. “What about kitchen?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kitchen? K-I-T-C-H-E-N.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good job. How about something harder. What about bureau?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, um, um…” She stammered nervously. “B-R-U-R-O?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not quite. Maybe that was too hard. One more. How about neighbour?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-E-I-G-H-B-O-R.” She said nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were so close. N-E-I-G-H-B-O-U-R. That’s okay.” He assured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn sniffled. “Did I get any of them right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. You got kitchen right, and was one letter off of neighbour. You did really well.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No I didn’t.” She stated. “I got one out of four. I failed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fine. There’s a lot of people who can’t even get that much.” He tried to comfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The things you say are easy are really hard doc.” Kaitlyn stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “That’s absolutely fine Kaitlyn. People’s ideas of easy are different. Like someone may consider horse riding easy, and I’d consider that hard. It’s purely a matter of opinion.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are there any more general knowledge questions?” She asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope. That’s all the testing done.” He smiled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How messed up am I?” Kaitlyn asked. “On a scale of 1 being normal and 10 being a vegetative state.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d say 1.25.” He stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t sugar coat the truth. I just, I just want to know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you really must know, with what I got here, which isn’t solid proof yet, probably……..6?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn slumped back in her chair. “Thanks for being honest, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In other bad news,” He started. “I’m going to give you a referral. There’s an optometrist around the other side of the hospital. I’m not certain, but there may be a slight case of color-blindness. Nothing bad, because it’s only a few colors, rather than all, but I don’t have the equipment to confirm or deny this.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay.” Sarah said nervously. “How should, we, um, go about what’s happened? What are the results?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m going to go over all the information and deliver the evaluation a bit later.” He explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s probably better anyways.” Sarah mumbled. “Thanks for your time doc.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem. I shall be seeing you later?” He asked. “Are you two going to be here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What time would you like us to come in for the evaluation?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably an hour. Hopefully it doesn’t take that long but you never know with this stuff.” He replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose we’ll be back in an hour then.” Sarah said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take it easy Urie’s.” He stated as we got up to leave. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As if I have a choice.” Kaitlyn mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, I know this seems so negative and dull, but if you even just force a fake smile, sometimes you’ll feel a bit better. Just keep that in mind.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She forced a weak smile, before letting it drop back to a frown. “If you say so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you soon.” He said as he held the door open for us.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah pushed Kaitlyn’s wheelchair back up to the hospital room and helped her back into the bed. She curled up into a ball, and tears started flowing down her cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m so sorry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bub, bub you have nothing to apologize for.” Sarah assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t do anything anymore!” She sobbed. “I don’t know anything!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, you know that’s not true. You know plenty, you can do plenty.” Sarah comforted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t even walk anymore!” She sobbed. “I can’t spell! I don’t know the names of my parents or my birthday! I’m useless!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, you will be able to walk again, you’ll relearn all those words, you’ll work out who you consider your parents and you’ll find out your birthday. I promise, you aren’t useless.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “When’s my birthday?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s April 17th bub.”  Sarah answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh…” She said nervously. “I was way off then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine bub. And it wasn’t too bad. It was only a bit less than a month off.” She tried to console.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I even said a day that doesn’t exist.” Kaitlyn muttered. “I’m so useless. You should leave. I don’t want to drag you and Brendon down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t dragging us down at all Kaitlyn. We don’t mind that all of this is happening, or that you maybe answer a question wrong. We’re here for you.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m going to.” She sniffled. “What are you going to do with a kid this messed up? I can’t walk around, I can’t even write my freaking name. I can’t spell, I don’t know anything. I’ll only be a burden. And that’s all I’ll ever be now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled her in for a hug. “Why would ever judge you for all of those silly things? We love you and don’t mind that you mightn’t be able to do those things.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Brendon you should just leave. I’m just going to ruin your life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, I don’t think you could ruin my life any worse than I already have. I love you, okay? It doesn’t matter what you can and can’t do. I don’t care if I have to spend every waking moment with you. I’ll happily do all of that, because I love you so much Kaitlyn.” I assured. “Absolutely nothing could change that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She began crying into my shoulder. “I-I’m just going to restrict you from doing the things you like to do. You won’t be able to take me out anymore, I’m just, I’m just useless.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, don’t you dare, ever call yourself useless. You are not useless. You are a wonderful person capable of many things. You are nowhere near useless.” I said sternly. “You are not useless at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-But I am.” She whimpered. “I can’t do anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t do anything </span>
  <em>
    <span>yet</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” I corrected. “You always have time to learn. There are many things I’m not good at yet, but if I try to learn, I can do those things, I can do them well even. The same goes for you. There is no reason why you can’t learn, or relearn these things Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon I don’t want to be in a wheelchair.” She sniffled. “I want to walk like I used to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the spur of the moment, I lifted her off of the bed and stood her up, grabbing her hands. “Take a step forward when I take a step back, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gulped. “I-I don’t know Brendon…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just try little worm. You said you wanted to walk again. I’m helping that happen. Just try for me. It’s okay if you fall. No one is critiquing you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I slowly moved my foot back, and Kaitlyn nervously took a step with me, her whole body trembling. She nervously looked up at me, never shifting her focus for a second.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s it little worm. Now the other foot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I slowly took another step back, and Kaitlyn followed. She wobbled a bit but she regained her stance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good job. Now back to the other foot.” I instructed, taking a step back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tried to move her other foot forward, but it buckled under the weight of her body. I caught her seconds before she hit the ground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. Don’t worry little worm. Do you want to try again?” I asked encouragingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t want to fall again Brendon.” She sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. I’ll catch you. Can you trust me little worm?” I questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I t-think so.” She stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I’ll go slow.” I said, taking a step back, still holding onto a scared Kaitlyn’s hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nervously shuffled forward after me, being over-cautious of falling over. I held her hands tight and as she got a little more confident, I slightly increased the speed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“BRENDON SLOW DOWN!” She shrieked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I almost dropped her hands. “Okay. Okay. Okay. Slowly. Got it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a few more steps, she was more confident and seemed to trust me more. “I-I’m walking Brendon!” She stated excitedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are little worm. You’re doing a great job.” I said with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I want to try alone. B-but you need to be there to catch me if I fall, okay Brendon?” She asked, slightly nervous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course little worm. I’ll be right here.” I said. “I’m slowly going to let go of your hands now, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and I slowly let go. She stumbled a little bit, but she took one hesitant step forward, wobbling a little bit on the way. She took another step, this one slightly more cautious than the first but she still made it without falling. The wobbling seemed to intimidate her, but she pushed through. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-are you watching Sarah?” Kaitlyn asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course bub. I’m right here.” Sarah said with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn walked a bit more confidently, with slightly more speed. She still wobbled, but she was getting so much better. I smiled and folded my arms, watching with a small ounce of pride.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then she tripped. I raced forward, desperate to catch her, but I was a split second too late. I looked at her, expecting to see tears, but instead, she had a huge smile. She stared for a second before erupting into giggles. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fun. I’ve been lounging around for so long.” She giggled. She grabbed onto me and pulled herself up. Once she was up, she gave me a huge hug. “Thank you so much Brendon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problems little worm. Do you want to keep going, or do you want a rest now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. How much longer until we have to go back to the doctor?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “Sarah and I have about 20 minutes until we’re heading back to the doctor.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Okay! I might go for a bit longer while you’re here Brendon.” She replied happily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Here we go. Start slow, just like before, and we’ll get faster.” I said, taking her hands in mine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded, waiting for me. I slowly took a step back, and watched as Kaitlyn nervously took a shaky step. She followed my steps for a while before I started speeding up. She freaked out when I sped up but soon stepped alongside me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s it little worm!” I smiled. “Just like that!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled up at me in return, making all of this completely worth it. She stumbled a little bit, but soon regained her balance.  I pulled her in for a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you you would be able to walk again. It was just a matter of relearning. I’m so proud of you little worm.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can I try by myself again?” She asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. Are you ready?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and I slowly slid my hands away. She took a few hesitant steps before she was wobbling so much she was about to fall. I approached her in case she fell, but she balanced herself again and kept going.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good job bub! You’re doing a great job!” Sarah praised. “Walk over to me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a few shaking steps, Kaitlyn eventually made herself over to Sarah and had to hold onto her so she wouldn’t fall. “S-sorry.” She said as she loosened her grip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, don’t apologise. You’re doing a fabulous job bub! I’m so proud of you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you think so?”  She asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know so.” Sarah smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-do you have to go n-now?”  She stammered, sitting down on a seat beside Sarah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m afraid so bub.” Sarah said. “But we’ll be back soon with some results.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay. What shall I-I do while I wait?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah handed Kaitlyn her phone. “You can listen to music, play games, watch youtube videos, there’s heaps of things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn nodded and took the phone, then Sarah and I began walking back to the office, preparing for the worst.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor gave us a friendly smile when he saw us, probably well-rehearsed from all the years of testing people with brain damage. “Come on in guys.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sat down and immediately jumped into questions. “How bad is it?” She asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. There are some things that could be seen as devastating, but others that aren’t. Take a deep breath, calm down. We’ll go through this slowly, and I’ll explain everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah gulped. “Okay. Go ahead.”  She instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we’ll start with issues around basic motor skills. She appears to have very poor coordination which leads her to, I suppose, mess up some things. Her brain is sending messages of what to do, so she knows what she wants and what she’s supposed to be doing, it’s just that those messages are significantly delayed in registering which affects her ability to write and walk and such. Any questions about that so far?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can we do anything about it? Can we cure it?” Sarah asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can try. It’s basically rewiring her brain so the messages register quicker. I think it can be cured to an extent, but will still be at a level where she may experience some learning difficulties.” He answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah rested her teary head on my shoulder. “S-She was supposed to start a new school in the new year. On a scholarship too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You may be able to consult the school to develop a way for her to still attend, just alter some aspects to make it easier on her. She is clearly a smart child, she just has issues communicating it.” The doctor suggested. “A lot of people her age find typing significantly easier than writing, which is often used to help with the schooling.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sniffled. “Yeah, I’ll talk to them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Another issue is the whole color-blindness situation. As I said, I can’t determine this, but I’ve contacted the optometrist and scheduled you to go in tomorrow at 10:30. Is that time okay for you?” He asked bluntly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, We should be there.” I nodded. “Is there any real problems that can come out of that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not particularly. Worst case, she’s color blind. It’s just good to know about. It doesn’t really pose a threat to anything.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Sarah said. “What else is there to worry about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s the majority of it, there is just something for you to consider.” He responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do we have to consider?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, with the motor skills situation, it just so happens that it is quite common. There is an experimental treatment that aims to directly rewire the brain so the issues don’t recur. There is a chance it becomes worse, but out of the 100 original test patients, 98 of them had reports of significant improvement from their doctor. There is an opening if you wish to sign Kaitlyn up to be in the next round of testing. It consists of three operations over a week. They’re spread out to allow the brain to adapt to have the best results. If you are interested, just contact me. You can go consult with Kaitlyn if you wish. I will be expecting your response by tomorrow evening however.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll think about it.” I said. “I think it would be best if we talked about it with Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Understandable. That’s all I have for you two, so you may leave if you wish.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for your help.” Sarah sniffled, getting up from her seat. “We’ll be in touch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have a good day Mr and Mrs Urie.” He stated as we left the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You too Dr John.” I said, escorting Sarah out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We got around the corner where Sarah stopped, before she burst into tears. I immediately pulled her into a hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay babe. It’s okay. I promise.” I comforted. “Just think, it could’ve been so much worse.” I said, rocking her lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-This is really bad Brendon!” She sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Sarah, but we can live with this. We’ll find a way, okay?” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I know, I-It’s just a big change. Her whole future has been pulled out from under her Bren, it’s really, really big.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Sarah, and it’s scary. Everything has been rewritten now, and we can’t change that, so we work around it. Our next task is telling her…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God Brendon. She’s going to be so upset.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, but we have to tell her. What are we going to say?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She deserves to know the truth. It’s her brain and body, so I think we should just straight up tell her everything.” Sarah said nervously. “I’m not saying it will be easy, but I think it’s only fair.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Yeah. Are you going to say it, or are you? Or do we say it together?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Together.” Sarah said, squeezing my hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go.” I said, leading her into Kaitlyn’s room, our hands still linked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn looked up at us. “Oh, uh, here’s your phone Sarah.” She said, handing it over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, bub, this is your phone. Remember when we bought this at the mall?” Sarah said nervously, pushing it back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you so nervous? It’s bad isn’t it?” She whispered, looking down at her lap and fiddling with her fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not good.” I admitted. “There’s some… damage that’s going to affect you greatly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just say it. Don’t skip over anything, tell me it all.” She demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” Sarah gulped. “There’s a lot of damage around your motor skills. There’s a significantly slower reaction time for your body parts to do what the brain tells them to do, so that’s why it’s hard to move around and write and stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will it be like that forever?” She asked nervously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It can be fixed to an extent, so, not as bad forever, but you’ll always feel the effects.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh… Anything else?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have an appointment at the optometrist tomorrow, the doctor thinks you’re colourblind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that bad?” She asked hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not necessarily. It just means that you’re not able to see as many colours as you used to.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s odd.” She remarked. “Nothing has changed about my colour vision at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah thought about that. “Have you ever had your eyes checked at all?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn shook her head. “No, never.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah shrugged. “Maybe it’s just always been that way then.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, you’re saying that there’s the chance that there’s always been colours that I can’t see?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess so.” Sarah replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She scrunched her nose up. “That’s weird to think about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is indeed.” I replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn sighed. “Well, what do I do now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There is one more thing we have to talk about.” I reminded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded nervously. “There’s an option for a surgical procedure that could help with your motor skills.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And? You’ve never really asked me about surgeries before. Why is this different? When is it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we wanted to discuss whether you wanted to go through with it. There is a chance it can help, but there is also the chance that it can make things much, much worse. It’s an experimental surgery still, so there are no guarantees.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want it. I want the surgery.” She responded abruptly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The thing is bub…” Sarah said. “It’s not just a surgery. It’s three. Spread over a week.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If there is a chance I’ll get better, I’ll risk it. I want it so bad.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I suppose that’s settled.” I said. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanting</span>
  </em>
  <span> surgery.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not the surgery I want. I want to have a chance if having a normal life, growing up, having kids. I want to make you proud, and I’m afraid I mightn’t be able to if I don’t…” She replied. “I don’t particularly like have scars running down my head, but if that’s what it takes…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You always make us proud bub.” Sarah promised. “Always. We’ve got until tomorrow night to make a decision, so you can sleep on it tonight if you want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still have no clue how on earth to fix this.” She said, running her fingers through her hair. “I was playing with it before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can get it cut in a way that will hide it.” Sarah said. “Or once we get the stitches out, it should start to grow back over the scars.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She frowned. “Well it will take years to grow to the length it is now. My hair takes ages to grow.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I don’t have any other options for you then bub. That’s all I have to offer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I just kind of wish there was something else.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could always just wear a hat.” I suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t know if a hat will work forever, but we can try I guess. I think I’ll just have to suck it up and cut it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s all your choice bub. We’ll support whatever you choose, even if you don't choose to do anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Thanks. I guess it kinda affects your image too.” She murmured lightly</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it won’t. It’s your choice.” I said firmly. “Although if you’re planning to do the surgery, then I suggest waiting until that’s over until you make any decisions.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Yeah. Do we know when I can leave yet?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll find out for you.” I assured her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks. I really miss the puppies. I think that’s why I want to go home so badly.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I laughed. “Of course. I’ll text you some pictures when we get home tonight. It shouldn’t be too long, now that everything’s over and done with.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awesome. Don’t you two have better things to be doing than waiting around with me?” She asked,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I considered. “Nope.” I said, popping the ‘p’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have jobs and stuff, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I work my own hours, and Sarah’s on leave.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. That make sense I guess.” She stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah laughed. “Do you want us to leave you and let you have some peace?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I want you to be here. I don’t want to be alone.” She whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re not going anywhere.” I assured. “We’re not leaving you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grabbed my arm and hugged it tightly. “I love you guys so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We love you more.” I laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No I doubt that. You’ve done so much more for me than I’ve done for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, then I guess that proves that we love you more then.” I said. “We do lots for you because we love you lots.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...I’m sorry.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, don’t be sorry.” Sarah stepped in. “Don’t ever apologise for this sorta stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” She replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah gave her a firm glare. “Please stop apologising when you haven’t done anything wrong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” She murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed. “Well, let’s talk about something else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to talk about?” She asked calmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think we need to talk about the location of your room, Kaitlyn.” Sarah said nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, uh..Don’t worry about it. I’ll get good at the stairs so you don’t have to move anything.” She proposed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah looked down at her lap. “Kaitlyn, I don’t think you can physically get up there anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no I’ll do it. I don’t want you two doing things you don’t need to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s a difference between saying that you’ll do it, and actually being able to do it. I think… I think we may have to move houses.” Sarah said slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, but you guys are situated where you are. I don’t want to make you guys move.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, this has actually been on the cards for a while now.” I explained. “The backyard is far too small for the puppies. We need to expand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t l-like moving. Th-that’s all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Sarah questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I could see tears forming in Kaitlyn’s eyes. “I-I um, I just have this memory. From when I was about 5. I remember a social worker coming to see me at my friend’s house, and she took me away from there, and she drove me back to my house, and there were all these weird workers who were taking all the furniture away, and I remember getting really upset. And then, well, she took me into my old room. I still have the faintest memory of it. And she told me to get my favourite things and take them with me. And I took this teddy bear, with a pink bow around it’s neck, I think I still have it. And I took a book, too. The one my parents would read to me every night. And then she took me away from there, and that was the last time I ever visited my own house. For three years I lived with this foster family. They were nice enough, and they took care of me, but they never truly accepted me as their own. When I turned 8, that’s when I moved into the group home. I just… every time I’ve moved I’ve ended up somewhere worse. With the exception of when I moved in with you guys.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry bub. I wish we had a choice. We have to move, preferably somewhere without stairs so you can access the whole house, and somewhere with a nice big yard for the puppies.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was still silent about her story.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I gave you that teddy bear.” I whispered quietly. “The one with the pink bow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you did?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “For your 2nd birthday. God, I remember it like it was yesterday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah put her hands up. “I didn’t know Brendon then. I can’t give any insight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-thank you Brendon. In a way, you’ve saved me so many times. Sometimes that bear was all I had.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave her a half smile. “It’s no problem.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then she paused. “Is it okay if I ask you something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. What do you want to know?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She squirmed. “Well, I’m just, I’ve been thinking. You knew my parents, you knew me before they died. I’ve just been thinking, well, why didn’t you ever reach out to me for all those years I was in the custody of the state?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cause I’m a terrible father…” Was all I responded with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I don’t mean to make you think that, I’m just thinking, did you ever think about me? Where I was? What I was up to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course I did. You and your parents were always at the forefront of my mind. I never forgot you. There just a lot of things that caused me to not take you in sooner. Hopefully you can forgive me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I forgave you ages ago. I guess I’ve just been thinking too much. Because to be honest, I didn’t even know you existed until Mrs Hungin took me into her office the day before that first time we went out for dinner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. Is there anything else you wanted to know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did you know my parents?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I met your mother through your father. I met your father in elementary school. We were best friends, and never stopped being friends. We had drifted apart when I began touring, but I always kept in touch. Whenever I was at home I would spend almost every day with him, doing something crazy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was it hard on you when they died?” Kaitlyn asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was. It was, and still is the hardest thing in my life to cope with. I guess I’ve got Sarah to thank for helping me through it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah giggled. “Love you Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you both.” I smiled, looking at my family. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. Chapter 35 - Terrors</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>***** Sarah’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned as the sound of my phone ringing woke me up from my beauty sleep in the middle of the night. It woke Brendon up too, judging by his groans coming from the other side of the bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello?” I croaked as I answered the call. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, is this Sarah Urie?” The voice on the other end of the line asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Speaking.” I mumbled, still half asleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm calling from the Los Angeles Children's Hospital, Kaitlyn is rather distressed right now, and she's asking for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bolted upright. “Is she alright?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We believe it was a night terror, but she's currently crying and asking for you and your husband. Is there any chance you could make your way to the hospital?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We're on our way.” I stammered, throwing off the sheets and getting out of bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hung up the phone and shook Brendon. “Babe we have to get to the hospital. Kaitlyn needs us right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, what?” He murmured, rolling over to look at me and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on Brendon, we’ve got to go.” I urged, pulling on his arm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do I get dressed?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Come on, we’ve got to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He groaned before getting up from the bed and putting shoes on. “Can I stay?” He slurred slightly, his voice affected by drowsiness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, Kaitlyn is crying and asking for us. Both of us. Come on!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grunted, dragging himself out of the room and downstairs toward the door. “I’m gonna fall asleep Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I leaned over and planted a kiss on his lips. “Did that wake you up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He swayed. “A bit, I guess…” He trailed off, forcing himself to stay awake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I handed him a cold bottle of water from the fridge. “Hold this to your cheeks. Come on, let’s go. We’ve got to be there as fast as we can possibly get there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded and walked out to get in the car. The roads were reasonably empty at this time of night, so I was able to get to the hospital faster than I expected.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon was basically asleep on the window. “Come on Bren. Let’s go in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took his hand in mine, and practically dragged him through the wards until we reached Kaitlyn’s room. I pushed open the door to see a nurse sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to soothe her tears, although it didn’t seem to be working. The nurse smiled weakly at us and left the room without a word.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay bub? Do you want to talk about it?” I asked soothingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah I’m scared!” She wailed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me what happened bub.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-They were here! T-they took m-me away from you guys and b-back to the group h-home!” She cried. “A-a-and t-they c-cut my hair s-so that i-it showed the s-scars more, and t-t-then Gretchen d-destroyed my bear a-and then she st-started punching m-me, and then M-Mrs Hungin st-started h-helping and t-then they s-said that they w-were going to c-come and k-kill you guys and, and, and!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Calm down. Breathe bub. It was just a dream. Nobody is taking you away. Nobody is coming to kill us. Nobody is destroying your bear, and nobody is going to hurt you. You’re okay.” I said soothingly, lightly brushing my fingers through her hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-there was more!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, can you tell me bub?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gulped. “I-I was i-in a car d-driving down P-Parkinson’s R-Road. A-a-and I think B-Brendon was d-driving. A-And my parents were in the c-car too. A-and I think w-we we’re going t-to a theme p-park. A-and then a b-black c-car hit us! A-a-and I s-saw my m-mother’s d-dead body. A-a-and I think there w-was blood on m-me. A-and B-Brendon got k-knocked out. I c-couldn’t s-see my Dad, b-but I c-could see h-his blood!.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-that’s h-horr-” Brendon started, before a few tears ran down his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-a-and then I-I w-was screaming, and t-then an a-ambulance worker c-came and p-p-pulled me o-out of the c-car, and t-took me aw-away, and t-then I w-woke up.” Kaitlyn finished, tears running down her face in thick rivers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wrapped her in a hug. “That’s terrible Kaitlyn. I’m so sorry you had to see that.” I soothed. “It’s okay, we’re here now.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m r-really s-s-scared.” She sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know bub. It’s okay. It was just a dream. A horrible, horrible dream.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I w-woke up s-s-screaming, a-a-and I forgot w-what h-h-happened, a-and I t-tried to g-get out of b-bed b-but I fell on-onto the floor, a-a-and n-nobody h-h-heard m-me for a-almost half an h-hour.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled her in closer, not providing a response as I feared words would just pollute the situation and make it worse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon joined the hug, his tears seeping through my shirt. “It’s okay. I promise, it’s all fine now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please d-don’t leave m-me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to. I promise, I’m going to stay.” I vowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too little worm. I’m not going anywhere.” Brendon added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn was shaking in our arms. “Shhh...Don’t be scared bub. Brendon and I are here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m j-just s-scared of everything.” She sobbed. “I-I’m not the p-person I u-used to be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. It’s okay to be scared, you just need to try to block all of those thoughts out, okay? I don’t want you being scared.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t say anything, only pulled us in tighter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon pulled away and curled up in a seat in the room, while I tried to soothe Kaitlyn. It was hard, knowing Brendon was probably now on the verge of an episode, and Kaitlyn was terrified. I just didn’t know what to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So I grabbed the remote for the small TV on the wall, and turned it on. It immediately flicked to some horror movie, and I changed the channel to the late night news. I thought it should be called middle of the night news, after all, it was 2am.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fatal car crash reported on-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I turned the TV off and sighed. “I don’t know what to do.” I mumbled under my breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah, c-can I h-have, an, um, a b-breath mint?” Brendon asked nervously, locking eyes with me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I silently pulled the mints out of my bag and handed them to Brendon. “Anything else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-No, the </span>
  <em>
    <span>other </span>
  </em>
  <span>breath mints.” He said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I realised he meant the emergency medication. I almost slapped myself for being so stupid. “Oh, right. Sorry Bren, here you go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-thanks.” He stammered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can I have a breath mint too?” Kaitlyn asked nervously. “P-Please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I handed her what I originally handed Brendon. “There you go bub.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything else you guys want?” I asked while my bag was on my lap. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon looked at me nervously. “I-Is there any chance you grabbed my phone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I handed him his phone. Luckily I picked it up while I was waking him. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Brendon’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I took my phone from Sarah and didn’t hesitate for a moment before I tapped out a message to Gerard.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Brendon</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Gerard, man, I know you might be asleep right now, but I’m freaking out and I need someone to talk to.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Gerard</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: It’s fine. Tell me what’s going on.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Brendon</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Gee, I’m at the hospital. Kaitlyn’s here. She woke up in the middle of a nightmare, and it was so bad Sarah and I were called in. She recalled the whole crash! I’m freaking out but I can’t leave her here! She’s begging us to stay!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Gerard</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Does she think it’s real? Or does she just think it’s a dream?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Brendon</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: I think she think’s it’s a dream. But it was the whole thing Gee! I’m freaking out, even with the emergency medication!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who are you t-texting Brendon?” Kaitlyn asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,ah….j- just a friend.” I replied hastily.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Gerard</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>:  Have you talked to Sarah?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Brendon</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: I can’t in front of Kaitlyn! She’ll find out everything! I’m stuck. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Gerard</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Can you contact Dr Jo? I know it’s late, but if you really need help she might be able to calm you down.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Brendon</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: I think Sarah has her number, I’ll text her and ask for it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I switched conversations and texted Sarah, even though she was right across from me.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Brendon</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Can you text me Dr Jo’s number?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah fumbled for her phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sarah: </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>Are you really struggling that much?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Brendon</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Please Sarah, I just need her number.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sarah</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Alright, here you go.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The contact came across and I began texting straight away.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Brendon</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Hey Dr Jo, it’s Brendon. I know you’re probably sleeping, but I really need some emergency help.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dr Jo (Emergency)</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: What’s going on Brendon?</span>
  </em>
</p><p><em><span>Brendon</span></em><em><span>: Kaitlyn just recounted the crash, she thought it was a dream, and I’m really freaking out! The emergency</span></em> <em><span>medication isn’t helping and I think I might be on the verge of an episode.</span></em></p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dr Jo (Emergency)</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Okay, Brendon. I know this seems stupid, but focus on your breathing for a minute. Are you in the hospital?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Brendon</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: yeah. We were called in after the nurses couldn’t calm Kaitlyn down after a nightmare. I’m doing the breathing thing.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dr Jo (Emergency)</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Okay. Tell me what room you are in.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I glanced up at the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Brendon</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Room 638. Kaitlyn and Sarah are here.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dr Jo (Emergency)</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: I know. I need you to go outside of the room, okay? If you have an episode, I want to make sure you’re isolated. I’m going to be there soon.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Brendon</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: I can’t leave! Kaitlyn is crying and begging us to stay with her. I don’t know what to do!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dr Jo (Emergency)</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Brendon, you need to focus on yourself. I know she doesn’t want you to leave, but if you stay, you could make it worse.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Brendon</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: It’s getting worse Dr Jo. I feel like I’m going to throw up.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dr Jo (Emergency)</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Brendon, I’m at the hospital now. If you don’t want her to find out I suggest you come up with something quick.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I panicked. “I need a cigarette.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah looked at me. “You quit smoking last year Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just, I really need one Sarah.” I stammered. “I’ve got some in my pocket.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah looked into my eyes, and sensed my urgency. “Alright Bren. We’ll be here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I quickly raced out of the room and sat on the floor beside the door, trying to focus on my breathing. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>In, out, In out. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It seemed simple enough, but the harder I tried, the more I felt anxious. It became harder to get air into my lungs, and I was gasping for air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon?” I heard Dr Jo call.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked up and spotted Dr Jo running down the hallway to me, wearing her pyjamas still. She bent down next to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Brendon, breathe. Don’t think about anything else. In and out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t!” I wheezed, desperately trying to get some air in my mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She put her hand on my back. “Sit up straight, see if that helps. In and out Brendon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tucked my legs up to my chest as tears flowed down my face. I continued wheezing with the hope of getting some air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I know you’re trying, but if you can’t maintain your breathing, you’re going to pass out.” She urged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I c-can’t breathe!” I panted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She got up for a second and talked to a doctor. I only heard a few muttered words. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Get…...Breathing mask…….Urgent.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo returned to my side, and my vision started to blur. I wasn’t sure whether it was tears or lack of oxygen. Either way, it didn’t help. Within a few minutes, I felt someone strap a mask onto my face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gently patted my back. “Okay Brendon, just breathe. Don’t think about anything else.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt the breathing get a little easier, probably due to the flow of oxygen that I was getting from the mask. My vision began to clear a little bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good Brendon, just keep going like that.” She said, rubbing circles into my back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt my breathing slow down back to a normal pace the longer I breathed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you feel any better Brendon?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My lungs do.” I said. “But I don’t think I’ve ever felt worse emotionally.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk to me Brendon. Tell me what’s on your mind right now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She knows.” I said, trying and failing to hold back the tears. “She knows exactly what happened. She knows I killed them. She knows everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure about that Brendon?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “S-She told the whole story. She knew it all. All of it. All the details. Everything that happened. Right down to the colour of the car that hit us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You said something about a nightmare. Was the nightmare about the accident Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Y-yeah. T-the whole thing. P-perfectly recounted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then she probably thinks it’s fake. And if she recounted it perfectly, then she’ll know you didn’t kill them at all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But I did. I killed them.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I have to g-go.” I stammered, pulling myself to my feet and pulling the mask off of my face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are you going Brendon? Where could possibly be safer than right here? Where you have access to all the help you need right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “No. The help I need, it’s beyond you. It’s beyond everyone. Except for the grim reaper.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And before she could say anything, I turned and started sprinting out of the building. She had chased me, I heard it. There was another rhythmic beat of footsteps trailing behind me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go aw-away! Please!” I wailed, trying to run faster. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“BRENDON! Brendon stop! We can talk about this!” She exclaimed, running behind me, and gaining speed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just let me leave. P-please. I don’t want- I can’t do this.” I sobbed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I reached the elevator and raced in, pressing ground and rapidly pressing the close door button. The doors began to close, and I pressed harder as Dr Jo sprinted even faster to try and make the elevator.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just as she was about to get in, my furious button pressing broke the button, and the elevator stopped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. Please, no!” I said, desperately trying to get it to work. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo stepped in and grabbed my wrist. “Come on. Let’s head back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Please, just let me be alone.” I cried in defeat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She dragged me out of the elevator, and began walking me back to where we were. I felt her hand tightly gripping my wrist, and I focused on that, waiting for a chance to break free from this prison.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please loosen your grip. It h-hurts!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She lightly loosed it, and I continued to walk for a second, before I yanked my arm away with all the force I could muster, and I began racing in the opposite direction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A doctor stopped me, and grabbed my wrist, prohibiting me from going further. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do we need to, ya know?” He said, nodding towards me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think so.” She mumbled, grabbing my other hand. They simultaneously dragged me towards a separate ward of the hospital, though I knew it so well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you aren’t gonna restrain me, a-are you?” I stammered, scared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s for your own safety Brendon.” Dr Jo said slowly. “I don’t want to do this, but you did try to run. Twice may I add.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please. Anything but th-that!” I sobbed desperately. “Anything!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo walked me into a room with two chairs and a table. She sat me down at one as the door locked behind us. She sat down across from me, and sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why w-what?” I stuttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you run?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I-I wanted it to be over and- and I didn’t want you st-stopping me.” I said, bowing my head in shame.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where did you think you were going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-there’s a cold, fast flowing river cl-close to the hospital. Th-that’s where I wanted to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo mumbled something I didn’t quite catch. “Brendon, were you trying to commit suicide?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I went silent and glumly nodded my head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-because-” I tried to say before I burst into tears. “I’m sick of feeling pain. Of feeling anything.” I cried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re sick of being happy when Sarah and Kaitlyn tell you that they love you? You’re sick of letting your puppies lick your face and laughing at the ticklish sensation? You’re sick of the pride you get when you help Kaitlyn to walk again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It never stays happy. It always gets worse. Always.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s life, Brendon. But you need to stop focusing on the lows. If you spend far too much time on the lows, you won’t appreciate the highs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please. I want to leave.” I sobbed with my head in my hands. “I want to leave everything behind. I want to be unable to do, or feel anything.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo wiped her eyes in exhaustion. “You can’t leave Brendon. That doesn’t end the pain. It spreads it. It’s like a virus. When it kills its victim, it infects 5 others.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just let me feel peace. Please. I know I don’t deserve it but that’s all I want.” I stated, to no one in particular.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed. “You can sleep if you need. We can pick this up in the morning. You’ll be spending the night here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to go home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. But I’m afraid you can’t go home Brendon. Your mental state is too risky. We’re trying to protect you from yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need protecting. I can make my own choices.” I tried to state confidently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your choices that you think you're making, aren’t your own. That’s the disorder, Brendon. We’re trying to protect you from your disorder.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll find a way.” I muttered quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not while I’m here. I’m not letting you harm yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not? You don’t care at all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I care way more than you think, Brendon. You’re a talented man, with a firm place on this earth. You deserve to be here. Sarah would, and does, agree. Kaitlyn would agree. You have 3 million devoted fans that would agree. Brendon, you have a lot of people that care.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“J-just leave.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll escort you to a room for the night Brendon. I’ll be back in the morning to finish talking about this. Don’t think it’s over yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is over. It all is.” I mumbled. “Or will be soon enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo rubbed her tired eyes. “Come on. Back to bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gripped my wrist and knocked on the door a couple of times. Another doctor opened it, and took my other arm. Together they dragged me to another cell-like room and put me in there. I found a pair of pyjamas on the bed, and got changed. I thought about Kaitlyn, and Sarah. I hoped Dr Jo would tell them what happened. In the meantime, a horrible doctor came in and strapped me to the bed, completely against my own will.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I woke up in the bright hospital room, alone. I felt the straps across my chest and was reminded why I was here, and why I wanted nothing more than to be dead.I heard the light patter of footsteps on the hard floor and hoped it wasn’t Dr Jo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah?” I called nervously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Brendon, I’m here.” She stated soothingly. “It’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I wanna go home.” I whimpered. “Please, I don’t want to be here, or anywhere.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stroked my hair lightly. “I know Bren, but it’s for your safety.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another set of footsteps were heard as someone else entered the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is he awake?” I heard them ask. I looked over to Sarah who nodded before getting up to leave. I looked over to who had entered. Once I had saw, I cowered away, trying to avoid conversation.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, don’t expect to be getting out of this.” She stated, standing beside me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t wanna talk. Not unless you get the straps removed.” I argued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head before beginning her questions. “Do you still feel the same as last night?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I remained silent, and tried to maintain a devilish smirk while my true emotions were eating away at me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why didn't you t-tell me?” Sarah asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bowed my head. “B-because I’m stupid. Th-that’s why.” I mumbled quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed. “You're not stupid, Brendon. Yes, not telling your wife until the very last moment was not a wise decision, but you are not stupid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I agree.” Sarah added. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I began crying. “I-I’m not staying long enough to h-hear Kaitlyn say she h-hates me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, she cried because she didn't know where you went. She's upset because she wants you there with her. She loves you more than she loves life itself, can't you see that?” Sarah asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I can’t, because eventually, she’s going to realise what I did. I don’t want to be there to experience her figuring it out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn't do anything!” Sarah sobbed. “Brendon, you haven't done anything at all. It's all in your head.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then how do you explain what happened?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were driving.” Dr Jo stated as Sarah wiped her eyes and left the room. “A black car skidded around the corner, far too fast for you to react, and it smashed into the left side of your car, killing two passengers on impact. Brendon, you didn't control the car. It was going too fast. You did everything you could have. It was just an unfortunate situation.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should’ve done more, anything else! Now they’re gone, forever!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You did everything you possibly could Brendon.” Dr Jo stated. “It's not your fault.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There had to be more…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There wasn't anything you could've done. You need to tell yourself that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not telling myself lies.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, why do you come to therapy?” Dr Jo asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The traumatic event, in your case the crash, has significantly blurred the lines between what happened, and what you think happened. You're struggling to deal with the loss of your friends, so you've slapped the blame on yourself, and convinced yourself so that it's easier to deal with the loss. However, that's not what happened Brendon. You come to me for therapy so I can help you distinguish the line of truth, so you can tell the difference between that happened, and what you made up in your mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not made up at all. It’s exactly what happened, that’s why I can’t believe anything else.” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I know that’s how it seems right now, but I promise, that’s not the truth. You have to stop lying to yourself, and believe me. I’ve been trained to deal with these situations, okay?” She stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can you take off the straps now?” I stated nervously. “I th-think they’re making it w-worse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you need to stay restrained. And you will be until I believe you can leave, or until it’s time for you to move because the doctors need this room. You’re on suicide watch Brendon, and if this is the only way we can keep you safe, then so be it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need to be on suicide watch. I can look after myself.” I tried to say, my voice quivering. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed. “What you've told me says otherwise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like what, what makes me seem so incapable of taking care of myself, to the extent in which I have to be restrained?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you tried to commit suicide. And you still feel strongly about doing so. That's why we've restrained you. So you don't hurt yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” I mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for apologising Brendon. But I'm afraid that isn't enough to remove the restraints.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then what is?” I asked hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, when I believe that you pose no threat to yourself, then I will tell the doctors to remove the restraints. But I do not think you are at that point yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but I’m fine. I promise!” I pleaded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you were fine Brendon, you wouldn't have tried to run from me last night. And you did. Twice. Good thing I'm a marathon runner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But none of that matters. Kids run from their parents all the time. Running is just an instinct. Why am I being punished?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you are nearly 30 years old, and you were running to try and kill yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t matter. No one would’ve cared anyway. Even Sarah would only care for a little while before finding someone else, someone right in the head.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No Brendon. She loves you. Only you. You matter, Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No I don’t!” I snapped. “There are so many other people who could easily take me place! I’m insignificant!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No you're not!” Dr Jo snapped. I cowered away as best I could, not used to this level of aggression. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry Dr J-Jo.” I cried. “So- So s-sorry. D-don’t hurt me. P-please!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to hurt you Brendon. My apologies for snapping. I haven’t had much sleep due to last night’s events, and I won’t get any more sleep until we’re done here today, plus I have to reschedule some appointments. But let’s not focus on that. Brendon, you’re important and loved and so many people need you here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “I n-need S-S-Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think Sarah is down with Kaitlyn. Would you like me to go and see if she can return?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded tearfully. “C-Can you move the r-restraints so I c-can sit up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No Brendon, I’m afraid not. I will be back to check on you though, so maybe ask next time I come in, okay?” She said, leaving the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon enough, Sarah walked into the room. “Are you okay Brendon?” She said, rubbing her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I think so. The r-restraints are so t-tight!” I whimpered, trying to squirm out of the restraints.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Brendon, but this is the only way to keep you safe.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t feel safe!” I sobbed. “I-I feel the op-opposite!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you feel unsafe Bren?” She asked calmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Some bile rose to my throat. “T-they’re d-digging into m-me and I-It’s s-scaring me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed. “Brendon, it has to be tight to do it’s job. You shouldn’t be scared Brendon. You’re fine, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I forced against the restraints. “I-It’s tr-triggering s-something! I-It’s freaking me out!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know what it’s reminding you of?” She asked, slightly more concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-the s-seatbelt!” I exclaimed. “I-It’s like t-the s-s-seatbelt!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry Brendon, but I can’t do anything. Do you want me to see if Dr Jo can come in and calm you down?” She questioned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt myself begin to hyperventilate. “H-Help! S-Sarah help!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, Brendon, you need to breathe. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing.” She instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to close my eyes, but the back of my eyelids was filled with pictures of dead bodies and blood. I let out a blood-curdling scream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah ran out of the room, leaving me to suffer alone, making it so much worse. “No, no don’t leave me! Please!” I begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She returned a few seconds later with a very concerned looking Dr Jo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-the seatbelt!” I shouted. “It’s th-the seatbelt! Get me o-out! I-I don’t want to b-be in this car an-anymore! Please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, Brendon, deep breaths. You’re not in a car. You’re in the hospital.” Dr Jo said, remaining her ever-calm expression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I began crying. “Pl-please! I didn’t mean to k-kill them! I swear!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do something!” Sarah exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo bit her lip. “I’ll go see if a venting room is free.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m s-sorry Damien and L-Lydia! I’m so sorry!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Breathe Brendon!” Sarah sobbed. “You’re going blue!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get me out of here! I didn’t mean any of i-it! N-none at all! Oh god! D-Damien! I’m s-sorry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo ran out of the room and returned a few moments later with a breathing mask, which she tried to attach to my face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop squirming Brendon!” She told me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sobbed and threw my head back. “I-I d-don’t deserve t-t-to breathe! Go h-help some else!” I wailed. “St-stop wasting your time on m-me!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, can you hold his head still for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded and help my head tightly so I couldn’t move it, making me sob even more. Dr Jo attached the breathing mask, despite my cries for her to take it elsewhere.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-take it off! Oh god. I-it’s like the ambulance all over again!” I begged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, Brendon, it’s just oxygen. It’s not the ambulance. You’re here in the hospital with me and Sarah. Slow, deep breaths. That’s it. Just like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why am I here?” I sobbed. “Are Damien and Lydia and Kaitlyn o-okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-They’re fine. They’re fine.” Sarah told me, trying to hold back her tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can I s-see them?” I asked, still crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo kicked something underneath my bed. “He’s stable enough to be transported now. We’re going to move him to a venting room for the time being.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, what? Wh-where are you taking m-me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you’re having a severe episode, and we’re going to move you to a place where you can get out of these restrains, okay?” She explained slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“E-episode? Please t-tell me what’s happening!” I pleaded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But they didn’t. Dr Jo pushed the bed down the hall, me crying all the way. We reached a room with thick, white padding on the walls, and Dr Jo untied my restraints, before helping me onto the floor. Finally, she took the bed out, leaving me alone in the room with nothing but my thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t know what else to do but scream, so that’s exactly what I did. I thrashed my fists against the walls in a fit of rage, before collapsing in a heap on the floor, tears streaming down my face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m so sorry!” I screamed, hoping Damien and Lydia might hear me. “I’m sorry I-I wasn’t looking! I’m so stupid!” I said throwing my head to the ground. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wasn’t sure how long I was in there, crying hysterically and screaming out to nobody in particular, but eventually Dr Jo walked in with a tray of food for me to eat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are-are they o-okay?” I asked, scared as I thought of possible answers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, the crash happened almost 10 years ago.” Dr Jo stated. “I brought you some lunch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m not hungry.” I mumbled. “I want to see Damien and Lydia.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon…” Dr Jo sighed. “There is no easy way to tell you this. Damien and Lydia died on impact in the crash 10 years ago. They’re not alive anymore Brendon. You can’t see them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what?! No, no! S-Sarah said they’re okay! I need to see them!” I begged, not believing her words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah was trying to get you to breathe, to stop fighting the oxygen. Brendon, I can show you the death certificates if you need proof. You and Sarah adopted Kaitlyn last month, remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. No, no! They’re alive! I swear! I-I need them to b-be.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo pushed the tray of food towards me. “Eat, Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-not until I see th-them. I need to s-see them! They n-need to be alive!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed. “I’ll be back in 20 minutes to collect the plate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t eat anything, instead I pushed the food around the plate, not willing to actually lift anything to my mouth. I wanted so badly to scream at all the horrible images polluting my vision, but I tried desperately to stop myself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hot tears ran down my face as I sobbed uncontrollably over the plate of food, dripping onto the mush I had created. It only made me cry harder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“WHY?!” I screamed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard someone enter the room. “Brendon?” Dr Jo asked cautiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re d-dead and it’s a-all my fault!” I shouted at her, before collapsing back to the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, it’s not your fault at all. I need you to remember that. It’s not your fault at all.” She tried to assure. “Did you even eat Brendon?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head tearfully and looked at the mush on the plate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you’re only going to feel worse if you don’t eat.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I couldn’t p-pick up the s-s-spoon.” I stammered. “M-My hands a-a-are s-s-shaking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you’re going to eat, okay? If I need to, I’ll feed you, but you need to eat.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I began trembling. “N-No! P-please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you try for me Brendon? Please, just eat something.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I extended a trembling hand out to the large plastic spoon, and tried to hold it in a way that would allow me to use it. But my fingers wouldn’t close around it properly due to the shaking. I looked up at Dr Jo nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She helped close my fingers around the spoon. “Try now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I moved my hand over to the plate and tried to scoop some of the now-cold mush, but my hand gave up on me, and I dropped the spoon right in it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m useless!” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No Brendon, you aren’t useless. Do you want to try again?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head and backed into the corner. “I-I don’t want t-to eat a-anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Brendon. I know you aren’t hungry, but it’s going to be so much harder if you’re malnourished. Just eat something, otherwise I’ll make sure you do.” She threatened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head and sobbed. “N-No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took the spoon and scooped some of the mush. “Open your mouth.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “NO! Plea-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I choked awkwardly on the spoonful of mush Dr Jo had forced in my mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Swallow.” She instructed firmly. “Don’t mess around. Just swallow.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I forced myself to swallow, and I groaned. “I-It tastes d-disgusting!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you mushed all of the food together. It doesn’t taste grand as is, but you made it worse.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no m-more!” I cried. “P-please! Let m-me go!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I’m not going to give you more food, but there is no way you are leaving until you have recovered from your episode. And the way you’re going, it seems like the episode itself hasn’t ended yet.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked up from my lap at the woman in front of me. Her facial features seemed oddly familiar. The longer I stared, the more familiar they became.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“L-Lydia?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no Brendon. It’s no one of the sorts. I’m your psychologist, Dr Jo.” She introduced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lydia? Where’s Damien? Is he okay?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I am not Lydia. Lydia and Damien passed away 10 years ago in a crash. You need to understand that.” She reinstated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I leaned out and stroked Lydia’s hair. “How is the business going with the trinkets?” I asked. “You have such pretty hair. You always did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Brendon. I am your psychologist. I am not Lydia. Lydia is no longer alive.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled her into a hug. “I knew you were alive. I knew they were lying when they said you were gone. I knew you’d be here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon Boyd Urie! I am not Lydia Priss! I am your therapist, Dr Joanne Yolanda. Please stop treating me as an object and let me help you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears started spilling out of my eyes. “I’m s-sorry for upsetting you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’m sorry for startling you, but I need to help you get better.” She apologized. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tears intensified as her facial features changed from Lydia’s back to Dr Jo’s. “I-I thought I s-saw her. S-she was r-right here!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Brendon. I know that makes you sad, and I’m sorry I can’t reincarnate your friends, but you need to try and think of something else for now. Please?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “W-what’s the t-time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s 1 pm Brendon. Why’s that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“K-Kaitlyn had to s-see the optometrist at 10:30.” I explained. “T-They thought s-she might be c-colorblind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fine Brendon. If Sarah hasn’t sorted it out, I can try to book an appointment at a different time if you wish.” She proposed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I want to k-know how s-s-she went.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll ask Sarah. Then I’ll come right back and tell you, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “C-can I s-see S-Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m afraid not Brendon. Only patients and trained professionals are allowed in here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay. B-but c-come back. I-I don’t l-like being a-alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be right back Brendon. Try to keep as calm as you can while I’m away.” She promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” I sniffled as she walked out of the room, locking the door behind her.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Sarah’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I saw Dr Jo come out, so I paraded her with questions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is he okay? Can see him? Can he come home?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed. “He’s still having an episode. He thought I was Lydia. He can’t leave yet. I had to spoon feed him to get him to eat. He sent me out to ask how Kaitlyn went at the optometrist.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. I didn’t expect him to remember that.” I admitted. “Well, she’s been diagnosed with tritanopia, which is where you can’t really see the colour blue. The optometrist told me that human’s have 3 colour cones, red, blue and yellow. Kaitlyn can’t see blue, so only two of the cones are working. She generally sees the world in red, pink, black, white, grey and turquoise. They didn’t really have any treatment options besides some weird glasses, but Kaitlyn said that they only confused her and made it worse. She should be able to live with it, I suppose. It’s genetic, and very rare. Ask Brendon if any of her relatives were colourblind, that might be able to give her some more peace of mind. She’s a bit upset.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll make sure to ask. Hopefully that calms him down a bit, knowing she’s okay. I had to try to divert his thoughts from the crash and that’s where it led.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “How long do you think until he can come home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I honestly don’t know. I hope soon. He’s so distressed here. I might have to alter his treatment plan since the current one doesn’t appear to be working very well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think that might be for the best…” I said awkwardly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s going to hate me even more now. I got him to admit he wanted another therapist at one point.” She explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “But we want </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>Dr Jo! You’re the best in the state for treating PTSD.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah well, I’ve obviously traumatized him to an extent as to where it takes much longer for him to trust me now. And I’m sure you’ll find a much better candidate for best in the state for treating PTSD.” She replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve fixed him before,” I told her. “You can do it again!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m really trying Sarah, but he’s a much harder egg to crack now. I wanted him on the road to recovery over christmas break but that doesn’t seem likely.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “What are you suggesting?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I have a small idea of what may need to happen, but I don’t want to talk in extremes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What small ideas?” I questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well maybe not small…” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you tell me?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, the medical board have been telling me to institutionalize Brendon since his relapse, saying that he’s a lost hope and that he won’t be fixed this way, and that he needs strict routine, but I’d hate to send him away. They aren’t just saying this willy-nilly. He should technically be excluded from society because of the possible threat he may cause during an episode, but I’m fighting so hard for him to stay, because I know he can get better. I’m just afraid that it may come to that extreme though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why is it that bad?” I asked. “Why us? Why Brendon? Of all the car crash victims in the world…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d love if it wasn’t anyone, and that no one would ever have to go through what he does.” She admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too.” I mumbled. “Are you considering another round of ECT?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I’m not even sure if I’m going to send him in for another considering what happened last time. There’s just a good chance that if he doesn’t get any better, he’ll basically be on suicide watch for months. I just can’t guarantee anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where did I go wrong Dr Jo?” I asked tearfully. “I try so hard with Brendon, but he always ends up back here. I try so hard to convince Kaitlyn she matters, and yet she still lets herself get beat up and now she’s here with brain damage. What do I keep doing wrong?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, you are doing absolutely nothing wrong at all. All of this would be a million times worse if you weren’t here to regulate everything. I do have one concern though. Have you been resting and eating properly? Brendon said he got to you to sleep once, but I haven’t heard much other than that. Are you yourself okay, Sarah?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took another sip from the coffee cup nestled in my hands. “Yeah, I guess. Neither of us got much sleep last night, we’ve both been here since 2am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Sarah, I went home at 4 and slept until 8. Have you been home since 2?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I reluctantly shook my head. “I’ve got a sick daughter and a sick husband, I can’t just abandon them here. Especially not when they’re crying and asking for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, tonight you rest, okay? I’ll be here. I’ll even introduce myself to Kaitlyn and keep her distracted. I’ll look after them. I need to make sure you are okay also. I suppose it’s technically part of my job.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “No, no, you don’t have to do that. Caffeine is helping. I’m okay to keep going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, you can’t keep telling yourself that. You need to take care of yourself as much as you need to take care of Brendon and Kaitlyn.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They need the help more than I do right now.” I said sternly. “They need me. I can’t leave them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so Sarah, but I don’t need you collapsing into a dark hole too. I don’t want you requiring psychological help also.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I considered for a moment. “Maybe some sleep might be nice…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to go home now, or try and brave out the day?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go for the day.” I said. “I’ll make it until tonight. I don’t really need to be stuffing up my sleep schedule. It’s pretty messed up as it is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I’m going to try and comfort Brendon. Hopefully I can bring him out soon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That would be nice.” I said with a small smile. “Can you text me if you do? I’m going to head back up to Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. Good luck Sarah. I’m here if you need to talk.” She offered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Dr Jo. I’ll keep in touch.” I said with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The conversation ended with a loud bang from the room Brendon was in. Dr Jo gave me a fleeting goodbye, before walking back in to see what my husband was up to now.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-cause these words are knives and often leave scars, the fear of falling apart. And truth be told I never was y-yours.” I sung to myself quietly. “T-The fear, the fear of falling apart.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I flung my fist against the wall, my thoughts not fully justified. The thick white padding on the wall rejected my punch with so much force that it threw me back to the floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon?” I heard Dr Jo ask. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned, partly to acknowledge her greeting, partly because I hit my shoulder when I fell. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay Brendon? What just happened?” She asked calmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I think I threw m-myself against t-the wall.” I stammered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would you do that, Brendon?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno…” I mumbled. “Just d-did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t do just do that Brendon. You’re going to seriously hurt yourself if you do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I needed t-to.” I mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No you didn’t Brendon. You need to calm down, otherwise you’ll never be leaving this room.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “W-where is S-Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Sarah is going to see Kaitlyn.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-how did K-Kaitlyn go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s nothing too bad.” She began. “She was diagnosed with tritanopia, which means she can’t see the colour blue. This due to one of her three colour cones not working. She mainly sees the world in reds, pinks, black, white, grey and turquoise.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-She can't see h-her parents favourite c-colour…” I stammered, the blood draining out of my face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Brendon, think about something else for me.” She instructed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-she can't s-see my favourite c-colour either.” I sobbed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Brendon. I know it’s hard to take in, but you need to calm down.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I picked myself up off of the floor and ran straight at the wall with as much speed as I could gather, only to be rebounded back to the floor. More tears began spilling out of my eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, don’t hurt yourself, please. It’s not going to help you. Just talk. Don’t act, just talk, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-it's my fault!” I sobbed. “Everything is my fault!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not your fault at all Brendon. Not at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m messing her up!” I cried. “I-I'm ruining h-her life!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What makes you think that, Brendon?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“E-Ever since she g-got to me I-I've been st-stuffing her up. E-eating disorder, c-colour blindness and b-brain damage!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well firstly, the eating disorder isn’t your fault. That obviously developed before he came into your care. The colour-blindness, at least this strain is usually genetic, so that’s not your fault either, and unless you were the one who beat her up, you didn’t deal the brain damage. The more important thing is, you are helping her get better, and that’s all you really can do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but the helping isn’t do-doing anything! Sh-she’s still here!” I cried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Brendon, you of all people should know that things aren’t ever fixed overnight. It takes time and patience, Brendon. She will show signs of improvement, I promise, but her brain needs time to recover. It’s probably still recovering from her last operation.” She explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘W-what if it doesn’t w-work? W-what if sh-she’s always in and out of h-hospital? L-like me? I don’t want h-her to go through that!” I stammered. “This is h-horrible! I don’t want her h-here! Ever!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I continued sobbing. “I-I’m ruining t-t-their d-daughter!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon! Brendon please! You are not ruining her, or anyone, or anything. Please, calm down so we can let you out of here.” I grabbed the plastic part with my own hand and began throwing up into the plastic. It smelled revolting, worse than the food I had just been force-fed. Although once I got it out, I felt a lot better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I want t-to l-leave here.” I sniffled. “I-I’m tired. I w-want to sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo nodded. “Brendon, I can organise a bed, but you will have to have the restraints, okay? The episode is still running it’s course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked up at her through my teary eyes. “Y-You look l-like Lydia s-sometimes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh no. Not this again Brendon. I am not-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I cut her off. “N-No, I know w-who you are, I-I was just s-saying t-that you l-look like her s-sometimes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does that make you upset Brendon?” Dr Jo asked, sitting down across from me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “S-sometimes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you like me to put my hair up so I don’t resemble your friend as much?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded sheepishly. “Y-Yeah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She reached into her pocket and pulled her light blonde hair up into a ponytail. “Is that better Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “T-Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you like me to go and see if a bed is still available for you to sleep? You didn’t get any sleep last night if I recall. I assume you would be rather exhausted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“K-Kaitlyn w-wanted me. A-and Sarah m-made me get o-out of b-bed and come w-with her. I-I hate h-her for d-doing that.” I said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, No, Brendon. You don’t hate Sarah. She’s your wife and you love her, remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sh-She made m-me have a p-panic attack!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Brendon, she only did what she thought was best for you and Kaitlyn. That’s all she did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-If she h-hadn’t made m-me come, I-I wouldn’t b-be having a-an episode!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed. “If Sarah knew that Kaitlyn would set you off with her dream, then she would have never made you come. Brendon, Sarah only wants the best for you. She would never do this on purpose. She hasn’t slept in days.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-am I a b-bad h-husband?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, No, Brendon, you’re a wonderful husband. You love and care for Sarah the best that you can, and that’s amazing. I’m going to see if a bed is available. Sit tight Brendon, I’ll be back in a few minutes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She left the room and I moved into the corner of the room, resting my head on the soft, padded wall, letting a few silent tears fall. Eventually, Dr Jo returned with another doctor and a bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve got a bed for you.” She said simply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay. D-Do I still n-need r-restraints?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m afraid so. But you’ll be sleeping. You won’t even know that they’re there. Come here, lie down and we’ll move you to a room where you can sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo helped me to my feet and onto the bed. I kicked my shoes off and laid down, resting my head on the pillow. The other doctor tied the restraints down, but I didn’t fight. I was too tired to oppose. I fell asleep before we even reached the other room.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. Chapter 36 - And It Seems Like There’s No Return</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>***** Sarah’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’m just, I’m just really scared about starting school again.” Kaitlyn finished.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave her a comforting smile. “It will be fine bub. I’ll be here, Brendon will be here, it will work out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon spends a lot of time in New York.” Kaitlyn mumbled. “Do you think he purposely lines it up so that he doesn’t have to deal with me when things go wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, No, bub, he’s just a busy man with a big career. He’d do anything to be here with you right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He went out for a cigarette and never came back…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket, and pulled it out. Dr Jo was calling. I gave Kaitlyn an apologetic look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, I really have to take this. People at work won’t leave me alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Okay. Um, I’ll be here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I rushed outside and answered the call. “Is Brendon okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” Dr Jo breathed. “Sort of. He’s asleep. We talked for a while more, and he asked for a bed, considering he hasn’t had much sleep. He’s sleeping currently, and probably will be for a couple of hours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. That’s good then. Is he feeling better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He threw up, and after that he seemed to be a lot better. I don’t think the episode is over yet however, and we’ve put the restraints back on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did he put up a fight?” I asked cautiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually no. I think he was just really tired. Speaking of that, how are you feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m okay. I had another coffee, double strength this time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed. “Caffeine is not going to keep you going forever, you need a rest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took another sip. “Maybe. It’s working for the time being.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you like me to come up to you? I can introduce myself to Kaitlyn, keep her occupied for a few hours and you can go home and sleep. Maybe you could call a friend, ask if you can stay with them. I know you’re looking after everyone else, but right now I think you need someone to take care of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I have a friend I could probably call.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. I’m going to come up now, and can you call your friend for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Alright. I will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good to hear. See you in about 10 minutes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hung up the phone and reluctantly went to Lindsey’s contact.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Lindsey?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard muffled movement from her end. “What’s up, Sarah?” She asked quite joyously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there any chance I can come around to your place? There’s a lot going on and I just need some relaxation.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It should be fine. When are you coming? If you know, that is.” She questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I paused. “I don’t really know. I-Is it okay if I come, soon? Like, in an hour or so?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. Come whenever. I guess I’ll see you soon then.” She replied calmly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you so much Linds, you have no idea how much this means to me. I mean, Brendon’s in the hospital, Kaitlyn’s in here too, and I haven’t slept in days.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well it’s probably best you rest up. Sorry about Brendon and Kaitlyn though. That sucks.” She responded sympathetically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Linds.” I sighed in relief. I noticed Dr Jo making her way down the hallway, so I decided to end the conversation. “I’ve got to go. I’ll be there soon, thanks again for offering.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye Sarah!” She stated before I ended the call.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shoved my phone back into my pocket and walked over to Dr Jo. She looked at my appearance and frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look like death, Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I know. Luckily I’m not really trying to impress someone at the moment.” I breathed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is Kaitlyn’s room?” She asked, pointing at the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure is.” I replied. “Let’s go in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I reluctantly pushed the door open and walked in, Dr Jo following me. Kaitlyn stared at the two of us for a moment, waiting for some sort of introduction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m Joanne. Nice to meet you.” She greeted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-Hi.” She stammered nervously. “A-are you one of Sarah’s friends?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She considered for a moment. “In a way, I guess.” She replied hastily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to make this look as normal as possible. “Uh, yes, Joanne and I talk often…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool, I guess.” Kaitlyn mumbled. “Well, Joanne, what’s your favourite colour?” She asked, striking up conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo chuckled. “You could say it was bland, but I’m a big fan of white.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool, I guess. Do you like animals?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My daughter has a cat, and I enjoy petting said cat I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn smiled. “I like cats. We have these cute little border collie puppies, that are crazy and always run around and stuff. They’re called Ollie and Opal. It feels really weird when they lick you on the face. It’s so tickly!” She giggled. “Do you like doggie kisses?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo smiled. “I do. They’re awesome.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I glanced down at the time on my phone and Dr Jo looked up at me. “You can go now if you want Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s Sarah going?!” Kaitlyn asked, fear becoming instilled in her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah hasn’t slept very well over the past few nights.” Dr Jo explained as I curled up in guilt. “She’s just going home for a few hours to get some sleep. That’s why I’m here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay. D-don’t you have a more important place to be?” Kaitlyn asked,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo shook her head. “It’s a Saturday morning, and I don’t have anything else to do, or anywhere else to be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m sorry if I can’t entertain you then.” She muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. I don’t mind.” Dr Jo said. She turned to me. “Did you call your friend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I’m going over to her place.” I walked over to Kaitlyn and gave her a tight hug. “I’ll be back as soon as I can bub. Hang tight, I won’t be gone long.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t rush yourself. If you need sleep, then get some. I won’t think of you as a lesser mom. I promise.” Kaitlyn vowed. “I love you Sarah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I blushed. “I love you too Kaitlyn. I’ll see you later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Bye! Sleep well!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I picked my purse up from the chair and gave everyone a small smile as I walked out of the room. Guilt was eating away at me for leaving, but I forced myself to keep walking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time I was at the car, I felt horrible. I pulled out my phone and sent a text to Dr Jo.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sarah:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> I can’t do this. My family needs me. I’m coming back.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dr Jo</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Don’t you dare. Go get some sleep. You’re not going to be any use to your family when you’re as tired as you are.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sarah:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> I’m fine, but they’re not. I can’t be so selfish as to abandon them!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dr Jo</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: You’re being selfish if you stay. Sarah, you’ll end up so tired that you’ll have to be admitted yourself. I don’t want that for you, or Brendon, Or Kaitlyn. Go get some sleep. It will be better for all of you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sarah:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> Please just make sure they’re okay.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dr Jo</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Of course. Kaitlyn and I are talking about animals, and Brendon’s sleeping. They’ll be okay for a few hours. If something happens, you’ll be the first person I call, okay?</span>
  </em>
</p><p><em><span>Sarah:</span></em> <em><span>Okay. </span></em></p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dr Jo</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>:  Good. Now go get some sleep. Do you need a taxi, or can you still drive?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sarah:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> I think I’ll be fine. Worst comes to worst I’ll ask her for a lift.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dr Jo</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Alright. Talk soon.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Lindsey’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat on the couch lazily with Bandit draped across my lap as I waited for Sarah to arrive. Bandit was almost prohibiting my movement, but I didn’t have the heart to wake her up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, the doorbell rang and I did my best to move Bandit to the lounge without waking her. Thankfully my efforts paid off, and I wandered over to our front door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door opened to a very distraught and tired looking Sarah. I directed her to the couch and tried to make her feel welcome. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want some food, or a drink, or something?” I offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Some water would be lovely, please.” She asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem.” I said, pouring a glass of cold water from the fridge and delivering it to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span> She took a small sip and smiled gratefully at me. “Thanks for having me on such short notice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine! I’m always going to be here for you. That’s my promise.” I vowed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down across from her on the other couch. “So, Sarah, tell me what’s happened. We haven’t caught up since before Kaitlyn moved in! We’ve got some serious talking to do, girly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My, where shall I start?” She asked. “So much has happened.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took a deep breath in. “Well, Kaitlyn moved in, and liked the room and such, so all that went down without a problem, then we had to sort out school stuff. She was letting herself get beat up and it broke my heart. Anyway, she is enrolled in a new school, on a scholarship, but that may be compromised, and ugh!” She huffed. “ It seems like everything I’ve done so far has been undone in the past week. Basically everything has gone wrong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s gone wrong Sarah?” I asked nervously, taking her hand in mine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well just with Kaitlyn, as I said, she’s been letting herself get beat up so now she’s on the hospital with brain damage and three more scheduled surgeries that are supposed to limit the effects of learning difficulties that arose from the injury, and she can barely walk without help and we just found out she’s color blind, and she’s sad because the doctors had to shave around the incisions when they did the surgeries so now her hair is a bit out of whack, and then she had a horrible nightmare about the crash, which triggered Brendon an-” She took a deep breathe out, exhausted from her speed increase as she became more worried. “And then Brendon is a whole new can of worms.” She said, snuggling more into the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gerard’s been keeping me updated on the Brendon saga.” I told her nervously. “Is it getting worse?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well he had an episode last night, after Kaitlyn recalled her dream of the crash, and his therapist thinks the episode is still going on. He was in a venting room earlier, and now he’s sleeping in restraints.” She sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave her a sympathetic look. “What’s going to happen? If you know, that is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To Brendon?” She asked, taking a sip of water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And Kaitlyn. What’s on the horizon for the Urie’s?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well we have to move houses. Brendon’s getting a new treatment plan and Kaitlyn is hopefully going to build up her typing skills so she can try and keep up with school work.” She responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How have you been holding up?” I asked, although I knew the answer. “You’re not looking very well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine, I guess. Coffee has been my best friend lately.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look like you really need some sleep Sarah. When was the last time you slept?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm, whenever we had to go to the hospital because of Kaitlyn’s nightmares. I don’t know how long it’s been really.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took her hand and dragged her from the couch to the spare bedroom. I handed her a spare pair of my pyjamas. “You can sleep in here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s truly fine Lindsey. I can just book a hotel or something around here.” She proposed groggily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pushed her towards the bathroom. “Get changed. You really need to sleep Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” She replied, disappearing into the bathroom, only to emerge in pyjamas. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled, although with her makeup removed she looked even worse. “I’ll be out with Bandit. You all good in here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess so.” She said, ruffling her hair with her hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. There’s a fan here, so you can turn that on if you get hot, and there’s a blanket here if you get cold. Goodnight Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Night Lindsey.” She murmured sleepily before collapsing onto the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly and covered her with the blanket, before turning and leaving the room, switching the light off on the way. Bandit was awake and watching some cartoons on the TV.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you watching Bandit?” I asked curiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled at me. “Total Drama Island. It’s funny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, okay. Sound’s interesting.” I said, nesting in the couch beside her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned her attention back to the show. “Can you make me some lunch please Mom?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. What do you want?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She considered for a moment. “A sandwich?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I’ll be back soon.” I walked into the kitchen where Gerard was sitting at the bench. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh hey Gerard. Haven’t seen you much today. How’s the comic going?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “It’s alright. A bit of writer's block. Who’s in the guest room?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah’s in bit of a rough patch so she’s getting some sleep while she can.” I explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is Brendon okay?” Gerard asked, worry for his friend bleeding from every word.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s safe physically. He’s apparently been having an episode for hours now, so he’s restrained I think Sarah said.” I explained. “But his therapist is sorting him out. He should be fine.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard rubbed his eyes. “He’s getting worse, isn’t he?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wrapped Gerard in a hug. “I’m sorry babe.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nobodies fault Linds.” He whispered. “But thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If we have time, we can see if we can visit him. How’s that sound?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “That sounds amazing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’ve got to make a certain child a sandwich. You hungry?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled. “I would also like a sandwich, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Shall be ready soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Dr Jo’s Point of View ****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked into Brendon’s room and saw him shaking, presumably due to a nightmare. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon?” I asked, hoping it’d wake him up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes burst open as a loud scream erupted from his lungs. It didn’t phase me however, and I walked over to the side of his bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gasped for air. “Oh god. Where am I?” He asked worriedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you’re in the hospital.” I said calmly, delivering the line I had rehearsed many times before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took a deep breath in. “The hospital? Am I okay?” He questioned, this time slightly more scared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were having an episode. Although you do seem remarkably better now.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-how bad was it?” He murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pretty bad.” I admitted. “It lasted a long time. Many, many hours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god.” He said, closing his eyes to take in the information. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did I h-hurt anyone? Please tell me I didn’t!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Brendon, you didn’t. You were triggered by a dream of Kaitlyn’s, and I can tell you know, a hospital is a darn good place to have an episode if you’re ever going to have one. You did try to run and commit suicide, twice actually. You spend a good deal of time in a venting room, and you thought I was Lydia for a while. You forgot everything from the crash, and were asking to see your friends. It wasn’t pretty.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry.” He sobbed. “I’m so, so sorry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to apologise Brendon, it’s not your fault. Although I am glad to see you’re feeling better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tried to move and found the restraints. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can you take these off?” He asked me nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I considered his mental health at this point. “Normally I’d say no, but you seem to be okay. I’ll loosen them, but that’s all I can do without approval from a higher power.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “O-okay.” He stammered nervously. “P-please do. I-I don’t like the restraints. I-I feel h-horrible with them on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I lightly adjusted them to give him some breathing room, but not so much that he could squirm his way out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-thank you.” He stammered quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine Brendon. Do you feel better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A b-bit. I still feel sh-shaky and jolty though. I-I don’t like it.” He replied, bowing his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll get you a new drip with your medication Brendon.” I told him. “That’s what’s causing this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh…” He stammered nervously before tensing up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing. D-don’t worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon Urie, I am your psychologist. Talk to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s st-stupid. I’m not going to waste your t-time.” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re wasting your time if you don’t tell me. I’m here to talk.” I said firmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m afraid of the drip. I don’t know why. It’s stupid. I’m sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Brendon, it’s understandable. It’s a needle. But may I add, you actually have one already.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He moved his head slightly to look at his arm. “Oh…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He began shaking a little once the realisation set in. “ Th-there’s a needle in me…”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, relax. It’s a tube, delivering hydration that you couldn’t drink because you were asleep. That’s all it is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-there’s a needle in me.”  He repeated, becoming more stressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, deep breaths. In, and out. In, and out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please take it out!” He shouted, scared. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Normally I would wait for somebody actually qualified, but Brendon’s restraints weren’t tight enough, so I gripped the needle and pulled it out. Some blood started to pool on his skin, and he screamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He began crying uncontrollably. “Oh god.” He screamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I rushed to the side of the room and grabbed a band-aid, before placing it over the wound to conceal any blood with a picture of some disney princesses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His breathing began to regulate. “N-never again. P-please.” He cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright Brendon. No more drips. But that means that I will have to get you to drink water, and take your medication, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As long as there’s no more ne-need-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No more. I understand Brendon. That’s fine.” I assured him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sobbed. “I’m sc-scared!”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you scared Brendon?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because of the restraints, and the ne-nee- and the fact that I-I’m in hospital!”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Breathe Brendon. You don’t need to be scared. We’re here to take care of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-don’t leave me. Pl-please.”  He begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am not leaving you Brendon.” I assured him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sniffled. “I hate this pl-place.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. But you’ll be out of here soon. I promise.” I said firmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t want this stupid PTSD! It ruins everything!” He shouted, before shutting his mouth after realising how loud he was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh. I know it’s not, pleasant, but I’m afraid I can’t just remove it, as much as I’d like to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then, wh-what can you do? What do you d-do?” He asked wistfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I talk to you about what happens in your life, and help you come up with strategies to manage it, as well as prescribing medications to help control the symptoms.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So this hell is literally going to be forever…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, PTSD is a lifelong illness. But as you get better, you’ll learn to manage it, and you are perfectly capable of living a normal life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He burst out in tears. “I-I thought I would get better!” He shouted. “YOU SAID I’D GET BETTER! YOU LIED TO ME!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did nothing of the sort. You will get better Brendon, that’s a fact. However, you can’t, per say, ‘get rid’ of the illness. You will improve, you will learn to manage it, and you will eventually live a life where you will hardly suffer any symptoms at all. But you can’t get rid of it, Brendon. I’m afraid that’s the truth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“THERE IS NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO! THERE IS literally...no reason…...to be here…” He trailed off. “...Is there?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Brendon. There is. There’s Sarah to start. And Kaitlyn. And your puppies. Opal, and Ollie was it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not getting better…” He repeated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re in a relapse Brendon. You’ll pull yourself out, and I’ll help you up. But it will take time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t want to be here anymore…” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you want to be here. People want you here. You need to be here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at me. “This world would be better off without me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, what makes you think that?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It survived before I was here. I’m not needed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are Brendon. You bring joy to millions of people. You are needed way more than you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He considered for a moment. “They’d survive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I’d hate to say this, but not all of them would. Remember when I said killing yourself would spread the depression? You saved so many people, and if you left, their role model, they’re reason to live even, would be gone. It’d go off like a horrible chain reaction of suicides Brendon.” I explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shifted in his bed uncomfortably. “I’m not a good role model to have.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you are a great role model. You have pursued your dreams in music, and you’re right here, right now, fighting these mental issues. What about that is not inspirational Brendon?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Because I w-want to die, a-and I k-keep disappointing e-everybody, and I-I’m stressing S-Sarah out, and I-I’m a bad f-father.” He sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you aren’t disappointing me, or Sarah. Are we not included? And it’s not just you stressing Sarah out. There is a lot going on in your family right now Brendon. And you aren’t a bad father. Why do you think that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I told y-you. I-I keep l-leaving her, and e-e-everything is g-going w-wrong!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, deep breaths. You’re freaking out. Your stuttering is getting worse. In, and out. In, and out. I promise that there is a light at the end of this tunnel Brendon. Everything will resolve, and Kaitlyn will live normally, she will forgive you for leaving. You just need to give it the time to do so.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His tears intensified without explanation. I decided to just let him cry it out, sometimes that’s the only way to get it out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Brendon.” I said, rubbing circles into his palm. I felt horrible doing things like this, since he couldn’t pull away if he hadn’t wanted it, but with Brendon, it felt like every decision was a gamble.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t force against it, and threw his head into the pillows, tears running down his face. I grabbed a tissue and gently dabbed them away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk to me Brendon. Tell me what’s on your mind, what’s making you cry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I m-miss my f-family!” He wailed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, if you can prove to me, and the doctors, that you can maintain a calm state, and that you are in control of your emotions again, we might be able to let you see Kaitlyn. How does that sound?” I proposed. “You can talk to her. It might be good for both of you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-we tell h-her th-that I g-go to N-New Y-York. Sh-she must t-think I-I’m av-avoiding her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “What would you like me to do, Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m h-hungry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You threw up what I fed you Brendon. I don’t want to waste more food. Are you actually going to eat?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded the best he could manage with the restraints. “I-I’m really h-hungry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I shall be back.”  I said, leaving the room to retrieve some food. I decided I would visit Kaitlyn while I was out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at me when I walked into her room. “Do you know how Sarah is going? Is she coming back soon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think so. She mightn’t be back for awhile.” I explained. “Sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh...okay.” Kaitlyn mumbled glumly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you wanna talk?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She glanced up at me. “I’m just sorta lonely here. I’ve been lonely for a really long time and then I had Sarah and Brendon and it was nice and now they’re gone again! I know I’m being stupid, but it just, it just isn’t a very nice feeling.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Loneliness is never a good feeling Kaitlyn, but it’s one we tend to experience a lot.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “I just don’t like being alone. I suppose it’s probably something to do with my parents and such, and never finding a place that I belonged. I just really don’t like being without other people, it makes my brain fill up with horrible thoughts and I freak out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll find where you belong. What kind of horrible thoughts occur?” I asked, trying to not seem too intrusive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jeez. Okay, well, normally it starts with about how I’m taking up too much of people’s time, I’m not worth their time, they don’t actually like me, and then it can spread to more of the reason I’ve been diagnosed with OSFED I suppose, when I start thinking about how I don’t deserve to eat, and then I think about how fat I am, and yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve probably been told this a million times, but you aren’t fat at all. And considering you have a diagnosed with an eating disorder, you clearly are the opposite. Please don’t destroy yourself.” I said, hoping my career wasn’t shining threw too much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked over her skinny frame, and shuddered. “I suppose it would be nice if I believed you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you should, because, in a way, I guess I know about this stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How so?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My occupation. I’m a trained mental health professional, or a psychologist I guess, in much simpler terms.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn frowned. “You’re giving me therapy, aren’t you? And I didn’t even know it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Well that’s not why I’m here actually. I’m here to comfort you while Sarah is away. I guess my instincts just kicked in. I’m very sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, sorry for snapping.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “It’s fine. I’m used to worse.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She played with her fingers. “What did you want to talk about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. You can direct the conversation. It can be about anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, considering you're a therapist and this isn’t costing anything, can we continue talking about me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose. I am supposed to be getting your fa- I’m supposed to be elsewhere soon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. That’s okay. Um… what does blue look like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm. That’s interesting. I’d say it’s the colour of cold and isolation. It’s vastly different from red or yellow. It’s like an imposter on the primary colours. It’s very hard to describe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn picked up a pair of orange lensed glasses from the bedside table. “The optometrist gave me these. They’re supposed to help, but they make me dizzy and confused. I mean, when I wear them, I can tell a difference between things that normally look the same colour to me, but I don’t know how I feel about wearing them all the time. They’re not easy to wear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if you are really interested in colour, you could wear the glasses in short bursts and have your parents expose you to these colours.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See, the thing is, they don’t let me see the colour. They just, they make it easier to differentiate between colours, if that makes sense. It’s weird, I’ve lived my whole life thinking I could see fine, and now I’ve just learned that there is a whole different perception that everyone else around me experiences. It’s a weird feeling.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I imagine. Luckily it isn’t too bad. I’m sorry, however, for I have to leave. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s okay. See you later Joanne.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stay safe Kaitlyn. If you need anything, ask the doctors.” I directed, leaving the room and heading back to Brendon’s ward. I found a nurse and decided to ask her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, sorry to disturb you, but the patient in room 512, Mr Brendon Urie, is asking for food. I’m unsure if you can arrange that or not. Is that possible?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse nodded. “That can be organised. It will take approximately half an hour, I’m afraid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s alright.” I nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I headed back to Brendon’s room where he was lightly pushing against the restraints before giving up. “Oh. You’re back.” He sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sadly.” I replied. “Are you feeling any better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why sadly? I thought you were happy to see me Dr Jo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because Brendon, despite what you believe, I hate seeing you in this hospital. I hate seeing you restrained.” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. I thought you just didn’t like me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not the case at all. Why wouldn’t I like you?” I asked, somewhat concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, I guess because I’m in restraints because I’m crazy…” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “You aren’t necessarily crazy Brendon. The restraints are purely a precaution, and to prevent any accidents. Please don’t call yourself crazy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“People who aren’t crazy don’t have ‘accidents’.” Brendon muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, everyone has accidents. Yours are just on a different level.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I’m crazy.” He stated plainly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you aren’t crazy. Not at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m pretty crazy. I’ve spent the past few weeks bouncing in and out of mental institutions, and I’m probably facing the possibility of being sent there again. I’m insane, Dr Jo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay Brendon. If that’s how you see it. I suppose this is a good transition into what I wanted to talk to you about. The medical board has been telling me to institutionalize you Brendon, for a long time now, but I’m fighting really hard to keep you with your family. You not cooperating or taking your medication isn’t helping.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “If I need to be locked up, no amount of cooperation or medication is going to help that. Maybe I’m too crazy to change now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I’m going to help you. You are technically classified as unsafe, and you technically shouldn’t here, but I’m certain, with cooperation and medication, that title could be revoked.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He considered this for a moment. “Are you completely certain?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Most definitely Brendon. Although your current condition is pretty bad, it isn’t a lost hope.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “I hate feeling like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure you do, and I wish I could just do something to fix it all, but I can’t, and I’m sorry about that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t feel bad.” He muttered. “I’m a horrible patient to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “That’s probably the complete opposite Brendon. You’re my favourite patient. You aren’t horrible at all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He giggled. “Favourite?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Of course. I never have as much fun with my other patients as I do with you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A blush rose to his cheeks. “Thank you Dr Jo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem Brendon. I’m just telling you the truth.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How am I fun?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have your moments. Like the whole situation with my apparent crush on you, and when you get this adorable blush when I say something nice to you. You aren’t as horrible as you think you are Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aww. Thank you. You aren’t as horrible as I say sometimes.” He said. Then he paused. “Do you actually have a crush on me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t answer the question…” I teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He broke into giggles. “My psychologist loves me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so.” I smiled. “You are a pretty amazing man Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn. You’re really going for it today.” He chuckled. He blew me a kiss, and giggled again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled. “Says the one blowing kisses and giggling like a schoolgirl.” I pestered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed. “Do my kisses give you butterflies Dr Jo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, totally.” I replied playfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He giggled again. “I knew it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I laughed. “How on earth do we get to these conversations?” I asked, my laughter fizzling out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You brought it up, Dr Jo. Don’t blame me.” Brendon giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head lightly while chuckling. “I guess it is my fault. Maybe I just wanted an excuse to flirt with you Brendon.” I teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He giggled. “I’ve always known you’ve had a little something for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Luckily Sarah isn’t here. She might become concerned.” I giggled. “Actually, I don’t know how she’d react.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think she’d be too happy. We might pull this conversation to a halt.” I said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah…” He mumbled. “What kind of music do you like, Dr Jo?” He asked, staring a new conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Classical.” I said with a shrug. “Piano, and the orchestra. I made my daughter learn piano so she could play to me. She’s not as into it as I am, but there is a constant flow of music in my house. My son, I made him do the cello.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s pretty cool.” He mustered. “I guess…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you play the cello?” I asked. “I know you play a lot of things, but do you play cello?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pondered for a moment. “I don’t think I’ve ever learnt.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm. How many instruments </span>
  <em>
    <span>do </span>
  </em>
  <span>you play?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure. I’ve learnt a lot, I only play a few often and well.” He responded. “It’d be nice to expand my horizons I suppose.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your horizon is pretty large already Brendon.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess. There’s just so much to try. I don’t want to miss out on anything.” He murmured. “It’s hard keeping up with the music being made as it is. I feel like I’m lagging behind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you’re not lagging behind. Anything you make will be met with incredible support from your fiercely loyal fan base, you know that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well yeah, but don’t you think I should try something new? Try and attract more people?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s up to you Brendon, you’re the artist.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “I hate decisions.” He mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Brendon, make it simple. Do you want to learn a new instrument?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess, yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, there you go. If you want to learn a new instrument, learn a new instrument. Which instrument are you thinking?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know!” He exclaimed. “I-I can’t decide!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, maybe when you get out of the hospital, you can go to a music shop and browse.” I suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-maybe.” He stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t Kaitlyn want to go to a music store?” I asked. “Maybe this could be some family bonding time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess so. Do you think she’ll st-still want t-to?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She should. Unless…” I trailed off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“U-unless what?” He asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um… the brain damage. Sarah told me about the instance with writing her name, and I was just, I’m unsure about whether her motor skills will be at the level where she can learn an instrument. Although I am not the best person to talk about that with.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. I g-guess you could be right.” He frowned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about that Brendon. Think about you. Do you want to try a more traditional instrument, or move into the more weird and wacky side of music?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure. Probably something odd and interesting.” He murmured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds interesting.” I nodded. “Big or small?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe something small. If I find something interesting that’s quite large I might change my mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it sounds like an adventure Brendon.” I told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He frowned slightly. “I guess so.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” I asked, noticing his dismal expression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to be triggered and have another episode. I don’t wanna hurt someone. I guess I’m a bit hesitant to talk.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t be hesitant to talk to me, Brendon. I’m only here to help. You can’t physically hurt somebody right now, if you look down, you will remember that you’re in restraints. And I don’t think you’re going to be triggered by anything in here. And I’m not going to trigger you either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay. I guess so.” He said, staring dismally at the restraints before resting his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, Brendon, you’re improving already. You shouldn’t be here long.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just as I said that, a nurse entered with a tray of food.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thanks.” Brendon replied as the food was placed on the table beside him. The nurse then left, leaving us alone once again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon tried to force his hand against the restraints. “A-are you going to t-take them off so I can eat?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not allowed to just take them off Brendon.” I explained. “You do have a bit of a predicament though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sniffled. “I d-don’t want it to g-get cold like last t-time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure what I can do Brendon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A tear ran down his face as he whispered something so quiet I hardly heard it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I think y-you have t-to feed m-me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bit my lip. “I’m sorry Brendon…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-are you doing it o-or n-not?” He asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed the tray and rested it on my lap, before scooping a heap of food to feed him. I brought it up to his mouth, and he squeezed his eyes shut as I put it into his mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gulped as he swallowed. “T-this is d-demoralising.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry Brendon.” I stated hastily. “I can stop?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m h-hungry, b-but I d-don’t want to e-eat l-like this.” He sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll undo them, okay? But don’t say anything. They’re right back on as soon as you’re finished.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gave me a grateful smile. “Thank you Dr Jo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took off the restraints, with slight trouble, but Brendon was so relieved to have them off. I handed him the plate of food and he took a hesitant bite.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay, Brendon?” I asked, monitoring his actions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded slightly. “I was just reminded of someone.” He said glumly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who did it remind you of Brendon?” I questioned, circling around two possibilities.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A tear ran down his face. “L-Lydia...it’s just the food reminded me, and- it’s stupid. Nevermind.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Brendon, it’s not stupid. Why did it remind you of her?” I asked, taking a seat next to the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gulped. “W-when I first met her, I-I had a meal kind of like this. We couldn’t afford anything f-fancy, becuase it was before the first album c-came out. I don’t know w-why I’m telling you th-this.” He stammered. “I suppose I-I’ll continue. I also th-thought of her c-cooking. She was r-really go-goo-” He sobbed. “I-I’m sorry for acting li-like this.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you don’t have to apologise. It’s understandable that you would be upset over this. How about we just focus on eating for now, okay? If anybody comes in and sees that I’ve taken the restraints off.... I’ll be in a lot of trouble so just eat quickly for me, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay.” He shovelled a few more bites into his mouth, with a small sense of urgency. He almost choked at one point, which caused a slight delay in his eating. After that, he was more hesitant to eat, sending back to where we were before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t want to say anything that might make him more anxious about eating, and I certainly didn’t want him to choke again, but at the same time I wanted him to speed up so I could quickly put the restraints back in case anyone entered the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After another bite, he looked weary and drowsy. He pushed the food away and covered his mouth with his hands, before throwing up once again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I’ll get someone in to clean that. But I have to put the restraints back on first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I cringed as I lifted the vomit-covered restraints and attempted to fasten them. Brendon look down in guilt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry. I d-didn’t mean to. I don’t mean to m-make you do all of this icky st-stuff. I promise.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Brendon.” I sighed as I tightened the restraints. “I know. Excuse me while I go wash my hands.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He returned to his bowed head position. “Sorry.” He mumbled, barely audible. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked out of the room and scrubbed my hands in the nearby sink, removing all traces of Brendon’s vomit from them. I told a nurse about Brendon’s accident, and she agreed to send someone in to clean it up as fast as possible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I returned to the room to find Brendon still overwhelmed by a ridiculous amount of guilt. “Oh, hi.” He murmured as he noticed my presence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello Brendon. Somebody is coming to clean this up in a few moments.” I acknowledged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay. I don’t know if you want to like, leave, since it’s my fault that it smells in here. I wouldn’t be offended.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down on the chair next to the bed. “It doesn’t smell that bad. I’m not leaving.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked bewildered. “Why wouldn’t you leave? This is your opportunity to abandon me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because, Brendon, I’m your psychologist and right now I’m in charge of your recovery. And the way I help you recover, is to talk to you. And to talk to you, I have to be here. I wouldn’t abandon you when you need me most.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please don’t leave I-I kinda like your company.” He stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll stay then.” I said with a small smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thanks. I-I know this is random, but wh-what’s probably the meanest thing I’ve said to y-you?” He asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The meanest thing? Hmm…” I racked my brain for answers. “Probably that you didn’t like me or therapy. Or that you wanted to commit suicide.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would me wanting to commit suicide make you feel bad?” He continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Because I like you Brendon, even though your treatment is not as straightforward as others. I enjoy our sessions, and when you want to commit suicide, it’s like telling me that you never want to see me again. That I’ve failed to help you, and that I’m not a person that you want to live for. I know you don’t see it like that, but that is why everybody gets so upset when you want to say things like that. Because it makes them feel those things, you understand?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh…” He said, contemplating my answer. “I’ve never really thought of it like that. Do I really make people feel that bad?” He questioned, biting his lip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When you say you want to commit suicide, that’s how people feel. Like they’ve failed you, that they’re not important to you, and that you don’t want to live for them, you don’t want to see them again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sniffled slightly. “I-I’m sorry. I don’t want you to feel bad! I-I’ve been so selfish!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, we can forgive you. But you need to stop wanting to kill yourself. Brendon, if you were to go through with it, those feelings would never leave the people around you. They’d never leave me, I’d probably be forced out of the psychology profession due to the fact that one of my patients committed suicide while under my care. Sarah would be heartbroken, Brendon. I doubt she’d move on. And Kaitlyn. Oh, Kaitlyn. Brendon, she’s already lost one father. If she were to lose another, it would crush her. Especially because she’s fighting her own battles at the moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t wanna die! I want to make all you guys happy! I thought me being here was making you sad, but, that's not right. That’s not right at all!” He exclaimed in a moment of pure realization. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “You’ve got it Brendon. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you all along.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was so stupid to think that! I made so many people sad. My new goal is to make people happy again! I don’t want people being sad. I know what that’s like and it’s horrible. I want people to be happy!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a wonderful goal to have, Brendon.” I said with a smile, pride brewing inside me for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you help me? Help me make people happy?” He asked, becoming excited also.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll help you the best I possible can, Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled. “Let’s start with you. How can I make you happy?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re making me very happy right now already, Brendon.” I smiled. “The fact that you’ve finally realised what I’ve been trying to tell you is making me one of the happiest people on this planet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His smile grew tremendously. “Really?” He asked, almost in disbelief. “I’m glad your happy. You have a really pretty smile.” He complimented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled. “Thank you Brendon. I can say the same for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He went to move his hand before finding the restraints. “Right…” He mumbled. “Oh well.” He muttered as a nurse came in with a few rags, some cleaning agent and a clean hospital gown for Brendon. I stepped out of the room so I didn’t see anything as the nurse cleaned him up. When she exited finally, I re-entered to find the room smelling slightly of disinfectant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Welcome back.” He greeted with a slight chuckle. “You really missed out when you left.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I burst out laughing. “I guess I did Brendon. I really did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh well. We have the delightful smell of disinfectant to compensate.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“True.” I nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “I hate that smell.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “It will fade soon. I can go and see if I can find some perfume in my bag if you would prefer that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “I’ll just put up with it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged as I sat down. “If you say so Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you like pancakes?” He asked spontaneously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I actually have a gluten intolerance, so no.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aww. I like pancakes. What food do you like?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I quite like ice-cream.” I said with a small smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ice cream’s good.” He responded, slightly nodding. “Particular flavour?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mint choc chip.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s nice.” He smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about you, Brendon. What’s your favourite ice cream flavour?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well my inner child is screaming rainbow, so I guess I’ll go with that indistinguishable rainbow flavour.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Did you know, that rainbow ice cream is actually caramel flavoured?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” He asked, genuinely surprised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, it shocked me when I first heard it too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s insane.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “It really is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He yawned slightly. “What’s the time?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“7pm.” I said, glancing down at my watch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still kind of early. What shall I do?” He asked sleepily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sound tired, Brendon.” I noted. “How about we just watch the TV?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm. Okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed the remote and switched the TV onto some dreary reality show. Brendon seemed mildly interested in it, so I leaned back in my chair, and we began to watch the night away.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0038"><h2>38. Chapter 37 - When One Door Opens, A Window Closes.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>*****Sarah’s Point of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“There you are sleepyhead!” Lindsey said with a smile. “Feeling better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Much better. Thanks Lindsey.” I replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Anytime girly. You hungry?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little bit. Not too much though.” I stated, rubbing some sleep out of my eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey pulled some bread and some peanut butter from the cupboard. “I’ll make you a sandwich. Bandit’s awake, if you want to see her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Thanks again.” I smiled, before wandering into the lounge room to find Bandit colouring some picture in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” She smiled, looking up at me. “You’re mommy’s friend!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am. Hi Bandit, I’m Sarah.” I said, sliding into the chair next to her. “How are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m super duper Sarah! How about you?” She asked happily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m very good.” I chuckled, her childish demeanor making me smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you like colouring?” She asked, handing me an orange crayon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” I said, grabbing a colouring page of a dog. I began colouring his fur orange, when Lindsey walked in with my sandwich.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on girls?” She asked, placing the sandwich beside me and turning her interest to the colouring pages.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re just doing some colouring, Mom.” Bandit explained as she coloured the cat purple.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s awesome Bee!” Lindsey enthused. “I see you’ve made friends with Sarah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Yeah, we’ve been colouring together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Bee and I are going out today. Do you wanna tag along Sarah?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave a slight shake of the head. “I should probably get back to Brendon and Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fine. Hopefully we shall see you again soon.” Lindsey commented as I went to collate my things. I looked at the way my bag had been lazily thrown on the floor and felt ridiculously guilty for just coming in an parading around Lindsey’s house.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey leaned on the door frame as I collected my things. “You okay Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I just feel a bit guilty for walking in and just, sleeping and eating and now I’m leaving.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey pulled me into a hug. “It’s okay, I don’t mind. You’ve got a lot on your mind to worry about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if that’s even an excuse.” I murmured. “You have a family to take care of too, and you don’t come barging in like I did.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and grabbed my bag from the ground. “I’m almost afraid to go back.” I admitted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’s that?” Lindsey asked, a little concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to return, and everything is worse. I’d feel horrible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, you needed to take some time for yourself. If it was up to me, I’d make you stay longer, you still look pretty bad. But I understand the need for family. Look, how about Bandit and I give you a ride to the hospital? Maybe I can walk you in. Bandit’s been bugging Gee to meet Kaitlyn ever since she overheard him mention her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly. “That’d be nice. You don’t have to though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re coming. It’s decided.” She poked her head out around the corner. “Grab your things Bandit! We’re going to the hospital with Sarah! Grab a colouring book!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard a light patter of footsteps ring around the house. “Are we good to go?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just let me grab my bag, and we’ll head in. Hang on, I’ll ask Gee if he wants to come and see Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Okay. I’ll wait in the lounge.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down next to Bandit on the couch, waiting for Lindsey and Gerard. Bandit told me all about her week at school, before we all piled into the car and began the drive to the hospital.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stared silently out of the window, contemplating possibilities. I remained silent until one of Brendon’s songs came on. I smiled slightly and lip-synced to it, not worrying about the others in the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I miss when he used to sing around the house.” I whispered quietly to myself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey turned the music down. “What was that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing.” I blurted out in defence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay.” She responded, her attention back to the road ahead. The car turned into the car park of the hospital.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are we ready Way’s and Urie?” Lindsey asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a sharp breath in. “Yeah, I think so. I don’t know who I should visit first, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well how about we go to Kaitlyn first, so I can entertain Bandit, then you and Gerard can go see Brendon?” Lindsey recommended.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds alright, I guess.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked through the hospital and entered Kaitlyn’s room. She was just lying down and watching TV before she noticed our presence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh….hi?” She introduced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi!” Bandit giggled, half hiding behind her mother’s legs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So Kaitlyn, this is Lindsey, Bandit, and you’ve already met Gerard.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn giggled. “Mrs Brendon Urie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard smiled. “Yep.” He chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey gave Gerard a funny look, while Bandit just looked confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard sighed. “When Brendon was drunk one time, he proposed to me, and wouldn’t go to bed without me. So I earnt the name, Mrs Brendon Urie as I almost acted as his wife. It was a weird night.” He explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey giggled. “That’s funny. Is that the night you called and said that Brendon needed you because he was having an-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard clamped his hand over her mouth. “Shh. Kaitlyn doesn’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Know what?” Kaitlyn asked, glancing at the group of people at the end of her bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing.” I assured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-Are you sure? Because all 3 of you seem to know something about Brendon that I don’t…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I’m sure Brendon will tell you in time. It’s not our place to tell you these things.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at me nervously. “Um… doesn’t he trust me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He trusts you bub, there’s just some things he’s still working out for himself.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is it alcohol? Because you get mad at him when he drinks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I get mad at Brendon when he drinks because he can’t control himself. That’s only a fraction of the situation.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah what’s going on with Brendon? Is it something to do about all the time he spends in New York?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes it does, but I’m sparing you the details. I promise Brendon will tell you eventually.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn gulped nervously, but nodded. “Why are these people here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All these people are family friends. They wanted to see how you were.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She squirmed nervously, obviously not sure about the situation. “Um, hi. I’m Kaitlyn, and, um, yeah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She brought a pillow up to cover her hair. “Sorry. I wasn’t ready for guests.” She admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine.” Lindsey shrugged. “It wasn’t until about half an hour ago that we decided we’d come and see you, so it’s all been a bit spontaneous.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bandit was becoming a bit hyperactive, and Kaitlyn was growing more nervous. Bandit began messing with the drip. “What’s this mommy?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t touch that sweetie. Here, do some colouring.” Lindsey said, putting Bandit’s backpack down on one of the chairs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked at Gerard. “Kaitlyn, bub, Gerard and I are going to discuss some stuff with the doctors, okay? We will be back. Talk to Lindsey while she’s here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn just gave me this terrified look, almost to say, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t leave me alone with these people!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave her a tight hug. “I’ll be back soon. Don’t worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded slightly before laying down. Gerard and I then left the room while we could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay room 512.” I murmured, leading Gerard through the corridors. I knocked lightly on the door and Dr Jo let Gerard and I in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Brendon!” I greeted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah!” He said with a smile. He sounded so relieved to see me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled in return. “Gerard’s tagged along too.” I introduced. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His smile fell slightly. “Hey Gerard. I’m um, I’m sorry you have to see me like this…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I noticed the restraints. Gerard tried to remain positive. “It doesn’t matter man, I’m glad to see you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon’s eyes lit up. “I had an epiphany yesterday Sarah!” He grinned. “I think Dr Jo helped me realise though.” He admitted sheepishly. “Want to hear about it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Yeah, I do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” He started cheerfully, “I realised, that one of the reasons everyone is so unhappy is because of my stupid thoughts. I realised that I don’t wanna die, I don’t want to see the end, I want to see everyone happy again. So how can I make you happy Sarah and Gerard?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I broke out in a grin. “That’s awesome to hear Brendon. I’m happy just to hear you say that. But if you want to really know, I’ll be really, really happy when you start making music again. I miss that. Just the little things, like the sound of the piano coming from the lounge room when I’m making dinner, the way you’d sing to yourself as you’d do chores and such, I’ll be happy when that returns.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon smiled. “I had a tune stuck in my head earlier, actually. I think I could make something out of  it.” He replied. “What about you Gerard? I’ve caused you so much grief, so how can I brighten things up?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “I’d like to be able to hang out more, like old times. Maybe we could have a jam session. That would be cool.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’d be awesome. I’ve missed hanging out with everyone too.” He admitted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “It’s amazing to see your feeling better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. It’s nice. I missed being happy. It’s just such a good feeling.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard smiled. “It really is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dr Jo?” Brendon started. She turned her attention away from her laptop and looked up at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up Brendon?” She responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know I’ve asked this so much over the last few days, but do you know when I can go home yet?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Considering your rate of recovery, I think you’ll be able to go home tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His smile widened. “Thanks.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And if I can get approval, I think the restraints can come off by tonight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really think so?” He questioned excitedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo smiled. “I do, Brendon. You’ve earnt it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for helping me.” He stated, smiling proudly. “You’ve spent so much time here, and seen horrible things, yet you’re still here to help me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s no problem Brendon. That’s what I’m here for. Glad to help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does it scare you guys when I have an episode?” He asked nervously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard nodded. “Yeah. It does. But to be honest Brendon, you do get a little scary.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon nodded. “I scare myself too...” He mumbled. “I don’t mean to scare you guys. It just all becomes too much to handle. I know, it’s pretty silly.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not silly, Brendon.” Sarah said. “We understand, it’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled lightly. “I’m glad you understand. It seems like you understand this more than I do.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I brushed some of his messy hair out of his face. “Yeah. It’s weird like that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What can we get for you Bren?” Gerard asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon thought for a moment. “I don’t think I need anything. I would ask for water but that’s an accident waiting to happen.” He replied quite calmly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can get water, can’t we?” I asked Dr Jo nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked up. “Water? Um, I suppose. I guess you’ll just need a straw and someone to hold it for him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can do that.” I told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and left, presumably to get the water. I sat down in one of the chairs near the bed as we waited.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-How’s Kaitlyn doing?” Brendon asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s not too bad,” I started. “She was a bit anxious meeting Lindsey, Gerard and Bandit though. Hopefully she’ll be out of here soon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon nodded nervously. “Is she mad that I’m not there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She is a bit, but don’t worry. It’s not really something you can control. In a way, I suppose she thinks you’re avoiding her.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon sighed. “I am the worst father ever, I swear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t the worst Brendon. At least you are keeping her safe, and not putting her in danger. You’re a great father Brendon.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If there was one thing I could criticize about my own father,” He sighed. “It’s that he wasn’t always around. I swore when I ever had kids that I’d be there for them all of the way, but…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you are there for her. I know it mightn't seem that way, because you are here, but it’s not like you’ve disappeared off of the face of the earth. And it’s not your fault that you can’t be there every second of the day. You have to worry about you too.” I affirmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “I’ll be happy when everyone around me is happy. And Kaitlyn’s not happy when I’m not there, and so I’m not happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you expect us to do, Brendon?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “I guess it was nice to get it out. Thanks for listening, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I’ll always listen. Sometimes that’s the only thing I can do to help, so I make sure I’m always there to talk to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” He whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo returned with a cup of water with a pink plastic straw poking out the top. I took it over to Brendon’s side and held it still while he drank a couple of large sips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s so good.” he replied. “I really needed that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “No problem Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took a few more sips. “I think that’s enough.” He admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I put the cup on the bedside table. “If you want more, let me know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “So,” He began, “Where do you think our future lies after all of this fades out Sarah? It’s clearly not going to be the same.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I considered. “Probably just living family life, I guess. We’ll move houses, and just sort of live normally. You’ll make music, Kaitlyn will grow up, and I don’t know if there’s much more than that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope it’s that simple. So much has gone on.” He sighed, staring at the ceiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose,” I said nervously. “I suppose it depends on how Kaitlyn heals up, and if she does a good job of improving her motor skills. Other than that, I guess it will all just work itself out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m kinda scared.” Brendon admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I think we all are.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He blinked away a tear. “God. I hope she’s okay. I’d give anything for her to make a full recovery.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’ll make a recovery, Brendon. And I think the most important thing is that we’re there. And we are. You’ll be out of here tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lightly nodded. “I’m sorry I ended up here, and wasn’t there for you Sarah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I lightly brushed my fingers through his hair. “It’s not your fault Brendon. I don’t mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just wish it didn’t happen so often…” He responded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. But I think now that you’re on the mend, it’ll happen less frequently.” I said with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And besides, now that we know more about what’s going on, we’ll be able to help you.” Gerard assured quite happily. “So we can try to help prevent stuff like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon smiled. “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s truly no problem.” He promised. “We want to make sure you’re fine. That’s all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>My phone started buzzing in my pocket. I pulled it out and glanced at the text from Lindsey.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lindsey: </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>Girly, I hate to tear you away from Brendon, but Kaitlyn is freaking out and I think she really needs you right now.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got to go. Kaitlyn business. You talk to Gerard, okay Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Is Kaitlyn okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully. She’s apparently freaking out a little.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon’s face fell. “Why are you still here then? She obviously needs you more than I do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just didn’t want to abandon you randomly without explanation.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Alright. You should probably go now though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I waved and headed back to Kaitlyn’s room. Lindsey was frantically trying to calm both Kaitlyn and Bandit down, and I could tell she was struggling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?!” I asked, flustered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know!” She said, trying to get Bandit to sit. “We were just talking, then Bandit went wild then Kaitlyn started freaking out!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked over to Kaitlyn on the bed, who was crying. I hugged her tightly in an effort to give her some comfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk to me, if you can. Tell me what’s going on.” I whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m so ugly.” She sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know that’s not true.” I stated. “Tell me why you think that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Bandit w-was talking a-about my h-hair and t-the s-scars and s-she said t-that they were u-ugly and I-I’m never g-going to look n-normal again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled her in tighter. “You will look normal, I promise bub. You’re beautiful. Don’t let anyone tell you different, even Bandit, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m not normal S-Sarah. I-I will n-never b-be normal.” She continued sobbing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay bub.” I assured, planting a light kiss on her cheek. “I love you so, so much.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ll never b-be good e-enough f-for you.” She cried. “Y-you should t-take m-me back a-and get a b-better k-kid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are above and beyond Kaitlyn. We’d never trade you for anyone. Please don’t think we’d even consider it.” I assured, a few tears of my own falling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you should.” She sniffled. “I-I d-don’t deserve y-you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, Brendon and I don’t deserve you at all. You have done boundless amazing things for you, and we can’t possibly repay you. We could never take you back. You make us too happy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t t-t-though.” She said, glancing up at me. “I-I’m m-making you c-cry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you’re making me cry, because it hurts to see my little angel so distraught. I want to see you happy.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “I-I don’t t-think I-I’m an a-angel.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you are.” I assured. “You are the best thing to ever happen to us Kaitlyn. You are our own little Urie angel, and nothing will change that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m d-d-dragging you a-and B-Brendon d-d-down.” She sniffled. “I-I’m not a g-good thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are Kaitlyn. Don’t even tell yourself anything else. You aren’t dragging us down. Please don’t think like that. We love you more than anything.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “Y-you s-shouldn’t. I-I’m n-not worthy o-of your l-love.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you think that? You aren’t ugly, you aren’t useless, you aren’t a disgrace. Why could you ever come to that conclusion?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah, p-people have been t-telling me t-t-those things for a-as long a-as I can r-r-remember. T-They wouldn’t h-have s-said it if i-it wasn’t t-t-true.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, people lie every single day. You shouldn’t let their lies become your truths. I know it’s hard to believe me, but what I’m saying is the honest truth.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “A-as much as I-I’d love t-to b-believe you, I-I c-can’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to keep telling you until you do. You deserve to be praised, not tormented.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’d beg t-to differ.” She sobbed. “I-I don’t deserve p-praise. I-I d-deserve the t-t-torment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, don’t think like that. Thoughts like that is what put you here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t help i-it S-Sarah!” She sobbed. “I-I can’t j-just stop t-them!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bub, please, try. You’re scaring me with all these confessions. Do you want to talk to Joanne?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry!” She sobbed, her crying intesified. “I-I don’t w-want to s-scare you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. I’ll be back, I promise. I’m going to get help.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-Please d-don’t l-leave m-me!” She sobbed. “S-Sarah d-don’t leave!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s only for a little while.” I assured. “It’s only going to get worse if I don’t. I’ll be back as soon as I can. I promise.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-No! P-Please!” She sobbed, holding her arms out to me as a desperate cry for help as I began backing out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be back, I swear. Hold on for me bub.” I said, exiting the room and pacing back to Brendon’s room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard and Brendon stared at me confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need-” I huffed. “I need your help Dr Jo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked up from her computer in alarm. “Is Kaitlyn alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t help her. I’m useless!” I cried, leaning on the doorframe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god. 3 from 3.” Dr Jo mumbled. “Sarah, I think I need to talk to you next. What’s wrong with Kaitlyn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sh-she’s freaking out. B-Bandit called her u-ugly or something an-and now she’s so distraught and I-I can’t help! I’ve tried everything I can th-think of!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo got up from her seat. “Alright. Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thank you.” I sniffled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked her back to Kaitlyn’s room at a brisk pace, spotting Lindsey and Bandit standing outside. Lindsey shot me an apologetic look as I led Dr Jo inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-Please help her. I-I hate seeing her l-like this.” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo placed her hand on my shoulder in an action that I found oddly comforting. “I’ll do my best. Sarah, take a moment for yourself. Go and get some water. I’m speaking to you after I speak to her, you’re not in such good shape yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” I responded, not having the will to fight back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll look after her.” Lindsey said from behind me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo nodded. “Makes sure she has a drink, and just sits down for awhile.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Course.” Lindsey nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo then disappeared into the room, leaving me with Lindsey. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey forced her hand into my own. “Come on girly. Let’s go downstairs and get you some water.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no. I-it’s fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s not.” Lindsey said slowly. “Come on. Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She dragged me downstairs to the cafe there and ordered me a glass of water. Bandit had a milkshake and continued on her colouring adventures, while Lindsey sipped a coffee, staring me down and trying to make sure I drank.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m not thirsty. I can’t drink not knowing wh-what’s going on.” I tried to explain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, drink the water. It will help you. And you know exactly what’s going on, Kaitlyn told you before you disappeared to get Dr Jo. Please, drink.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a small sip of the water before pushing the glass away. “There.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The whole thing, Sarah.” Lindsey told me firmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I can’t. There’s this sick feeling in my stomach that I can’t get over.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, please. Water will help. You can’t dehydrate yourself over this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I drank more water, leaving the glass half empty.  “Is that better?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I say the whole thing, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>mean </span>
  </em>
  <span>the whole thing.” Lindsey said firmly, pushing it towards me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lindsey, please. I’m just stressing out, and really can't concentrate on anything right now.” I practically begged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not asking you to concentrate, I’m asking you to drink some water, something that everybody must do to stay alive. It will take you less than two seconds.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped the rest of the water down, and gagged a bit before I pushed the glass to the centre of the table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There. Happy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey smiled weakly. “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Dr Jo’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I opened the door to a very distressed Kaitlyn. She was huddled up at one end of the bed. “W-where’s Sarah?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve sent Sarah downstairs to get a drink of water.” I said as I pulled up a chair next to Kaitlyn. “She’s just a bit stressed at the moment. She should be back soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why are you here? Are you going to call me cr-crazy?” She whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “No, Kaitlyn, I am not. I am here to talk through the issues you declared to Sarah. What’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah keeps trying to tell me all these thing an-and I can’t believe her. I dont want to believe h-her, or for her to even appreciate me because I know I’ll screw up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What were the things Sarah was telling you?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-that I was an angel and that I-I made her happy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you believe her?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-because I make everyone sad, and cause so much drama.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you feel that you make people sad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A tear slipped down her face. “No one is ever h-happy around me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why is that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know.” She mumbled. “I don’t like s-seeing them sad.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know anybody who likes making others sad.” I said. “But I doubt you make them sad, Kaitlyn. You’re quite a lovely girl.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “I-I’m not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you say that Kaitlyn?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s easy t-to see. I-I’m not l-lovely because a-all I d-do is p-put others d-down. I’m like a v-vacuum c-cleaner. Whenever I e-enter a place, I-I suck all t-the joy o-out of i-it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you haven’t technically sucked the joy out of me. WHat do you have to say to that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whenever I-I go s-somewhere, e-everyone s-seems s-sadder then before I-I was t-there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did Sarah tell you why she was sad?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-because I w-was m-making her s-sad.” She sniffled, tucking her knees up to her chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did she say that exactly?” I asked, trying to locate the source of the problem.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Along the l-lines of it.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me exactly what she said.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She said sh-she was sad, because I was sad!” She cried. “I made her sad!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, you didn't make her sad. As a person, you make her remarkably happy. The only reason she was sad was because of the things you were saying. What were you saying to her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I w-was just explaining how I don’t deserve p-praise, and how I’m not an angel, and how I’m h-horrible in general.” She admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you think you think you're horrible in general?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gulped. “I d-don’t really know. I m-make people sad?” She mumbled unsurely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we've established that it isn't you in general that makes people sad, and therefore you can't be generally horrible Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “I-I’m horrible. P-People tell m-me that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well what makes you believe those people?” I questioned further.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“E-everybody I know t-tells me that. E-even Brendon. H-he says I'm a-annoying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In what context did he say that, Kaitlyn?” I asked, becoming slightly concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-when I wanted to s-spend time with h-him. H-he doesn't l-love me. He n-never wants to b-be with m-me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do know that he is very busy? His career is quite spontaneous and unpredictable. He doesn’t get much time at home as it is. And I’m sure he loves you heaps, he’s just not very good at showing it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“E-even at home h-he avoids me.” She whispered. “The Urie’s s-should get a d-different k-kid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, I don’t think Sarah would be able to take care of another child. She loves you so much.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I sh-shouldn't even b-be living w-with them. I-I’m a l-leech.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes, somethings seem like it’s not right, but you just need to take these things and run with them, because sometimes, it’ll be the best thing that has ever happened.” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-This isn't that. T-This wasn't m-meant to be, l-like some fairytale. I-I don't w-want to l-live with t-them anymore.” She said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then where do you want to live?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She paused. “N-nowhere.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what do you mean by that?” I asked, my concern growing much faster.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I d-don't think I d-deserve to l-live at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I threw my head in my hands, angered that I had essentially known the answer before. “P-please don’t think like th-that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I'm making you s-sad now. J-just like I m-make everyone s-sad.” She whispered, trying to hold back tears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re making me sad because you’re reminding me of one of my patients….” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That's still sad!” She sobbed, unable to hold back the tears any longer. “Y-you wouldn't b-be sad if I w-wasn't here to m-make you sad!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, I would be a hell of a lot sadder if you weren’t here.” I responded. “I know it mightn’t seem like it, but so many people would feel horribly sad without you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They'd get over it.” She mumbled. “The only p-person who m-might be s-sad is Sarah. I-I don't h-have any f-friends, and n-nobody else l-likes me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You only mentioned Sarah. What about Brendon, Lindsey, Gerard, me, even?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Brendon finds me a-annoying. Lindsey, G-Gerard and y-you haven't k-known me l-long enough t-to c-care d-deeply.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you think there is a time for you to create an attachment. If we were playing that game, when you met Ollie and Opal for the first time, you wouldn’t have had an attachment to them. “ </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-they love B-Brendon more. T-they're dogs, they d-don't love me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you won’t believe this, but I would actually be genuinely saddened if you had left. I would feel horribly guilty.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm sure y-you'd get o-over it.” She stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, I wouldn’t.” I stated. “I’ve told anyone I’ve treated with depression that if they had found a means to end their life, i wouldn’t be able to continue in psychology. The guilt would be too great.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm not a p-proper patient. I-I don't count.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, you do. You are now apart of my life. I would act the same way. Same with if Sarah were to commit suicide. She isn’t my patient, yet I would still leave my career due to it.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don't want to b-be a part of your life. O-or Sarah’s, or B-Brendon's. I d-don't want to be h-here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you don’t want to Kaitlyn, but you are. You have an awesome life, you just have to appreciate it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave me a dirty look. “A-awesome? No. I don't have parents. I have an eating disorder. I’m colour blind. I have brain damage. I have no friends or family. I can't even walk! I can't draw anymore, I can't do anything I want to anymore! My whole life is going to be people taking care of me because I don't have the physical capability to take care of myself! That's not awesome!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And with that, she burst into tears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So are you really going to do it?” I asked.        </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded, tears still spilling from her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled her in for a hug. “Then I suppose it was nice meeting you.” And with that, I left the room, unsure as to how to help anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah was standing outside the door. “I-is she okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head, deciding to not sugar coat anything. “Suicide watch. I’m putting her on suicide watch.”  I stated glumly. “I just don’t know what else to do.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are y-you moving her to the psychiatric ward?” Sarah asked, beginning to tremble. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I have to talk to other doctors. You however, can come with me. We need to talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-about Brendon or Kaitlyn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About you.”  I stated blandly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why? I'm fine. I-it's Kaitlyn we need to w-worry about.” She stammered nervously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “One, I don’t know what to do with her. Two, you were seriously freaking out when you came to me.” I replied stalely, still feeling horrible about the Kaitlyn situation. “And in a way, you still are.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-because you've just t-told me that my d-daughter is s-suicidal!” Sarah exclaimed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Would you have rathered I kept it secret?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed, and her shoulders slumped in defeat. “I just want her to be okay. Is there anything, </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you can do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well not really. I thought Brendon was an accurate example of how lousy I am in regard to depression.”  I sighed. “I didn’t even help Brendon. It took two rounds of ECT for him to get better.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-are you going to give us a r-referral? W-what are we going to do?! S-she can’t, she can’t, she-she can’t d-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah burst into tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know who to refer you to. The best for depression is an hour away. I can try, but other than that, I don’t know what to do.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-who’s in the hospital that w-we could r-refer to? A-anybody would b-be better than n-nobody.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure who’s in, if anyone is. It’s not too often that many psychologists are here. I can go check if you want.”  I suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Isn’t there always a psychiatrist?” Sarah asked desperately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “In theory, yes, but it’s not always put into practise. Since I’m here for Brendon, the psychiatrist decided to take some time off, which is why I’m always around, since I have the joy of being scheduled in for a few days. Hence why it’s hard to find someone to help you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can’t you keep trying?” Sarah practically begged. “Please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can, I’m just not sure how it’s going to work.” I replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what about me? Can I s-see her?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can, of course. I’m just telling you now, it’s not pretty.” I warned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded tearfully. “I-I have to try.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can see her as soon as I talk to a doctor about moving her.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-are you moving her to down near Brendon?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Sadly.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah buried her face in her hands, trying to hide her tears. “H-how come my family always ends up there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know Sarah. I wish it was different.” I sighed, stopping, and pulling her in for a hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-so do I.” She sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get this over and done with.” I said, opening Kaitlyn’s head doctor’s door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hello Joanne, Mrs Urie. What brings you here?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “We need to discuss Kaitlyn Urie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh her! She’s lovely. She should be able to go home soon too. What did you need to talk about?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah let out a muffled sob as she stepped out of the room for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn isn’t going home yet. She’s, well, she’s suicidal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm?” He asked, slightly confused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Apparently she was crying and saying horrible things about herself to Sarah, and thus Sarah came to collect me, and I’ve just been talking to her, and I believe it to be in the best interest of the patient that we move her to the psychiatric ward. Her state is one of, if not the the worst case I’ve ever seen in a child her age.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Well, I suppose if you believe that’s for the best. Would you like my help?” He asked. “Do you think she’ll fight it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At this point, I honestly have to say no.” I sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He typed something into his computer. “Okay. Is there a room available there?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Yes, there is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, okay. How long do you suspect she’ll be there for? Or is it still unpredictable at this stage?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is still unpredictable.” I explained. “But I doubt it will be a short stay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “And she was so goddamn close to leaving too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, it's horrible.” I sighed. “Her father is almost ready for release as well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” He started. “If you need anything, I’m here, I guess.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you. Are we okay to move her, or should we wait?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if the room’s ready, I suggest now. I suppose as soon as you can.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “That's what I was thinking. Thank you doc.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s no problem. Just try your hardest Joanne, and if you can’t help I’ll try to call James in.” He stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good. Thanks.” I said with a smile. “I should probably go and check on Sarah. See you soon I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave him a small wave before exiting the room. Sarah was sitting just outside, not having moved much since she had left. I sat down beside her. “Talk to me.” I instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She buried her head in my hands and sighed. “I can’t help but feel that this is all my fault.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What could possibly make you think that? You’re the reason this isn’t worse!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel like I’ve failed her. She told you she didn’t want to live with us! I-I thought I was being comforting…” She threw her head in her hands again. “I’m just not fit to be a parent.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I brought her in for a hug. “You haven’t failed her. She isn’t thinking straight Sarah. I’ve seen what’s going on and I can tell you that you are the best parent ever Sarah. Please don’t think otherwise.” I comforted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A tear slipped down her cheek. “I-I feel so h-helpless.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m here to help, okay? If you need anything, tell me. I need to make sure you’re okay too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I need Kaitlyn a-and B-Brendon to be better.” She sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And they will get better, as long as you don’t disregard yourself. The last thing we need is for you to there also.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-How do I d-do that when they n-need me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just talk to people about how you feel also, make sure you’re drinking and eating and sleeping. I know you don’t want to leave, but sometimes you have to. It should be easier when Brendon is out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded tearfully. “W-why does this h-happen to us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because for some reason some higher power seems to hate the Urie family.” I sighed. “I don’t know, Sarah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “I h-hate the higher p-power too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If there was anything more I could do Sarah, I’d be doing it, but I can’t. We just have to suck it up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I know.” She sighed, pulling herself up off of the ground. “W-We should probably g-go see K-Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We got to Kaitlyn’s room and found her still curled up at the end of the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“K-Kaitlyn?” Sarah whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn looked up at us, her face streaked red with tears. “S-Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah just wrapped her in a tight hug. “W-why?” She sobbed. “J-just tell me why!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn didn’t say anything, but burst into another round of tears, burying her head in Sarah’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, we will be moving you into another room.” I stated calmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-where?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “The psychiatric ward.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at me with alarm. “W-what?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We are moving you to the psychiatric ward where there is help for you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t w-want help.” She stated. “I-I just w-want it to be o-over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but we don’t, hence why we just got your head doctor’s approval to move you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave me a dirty look. “I-It’s my l-life. I-I should b-be able t-t-to choose w-when to e-end i-it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not giving you that choice.” I stated strictly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because,” I started, “There are too many people who would be destroyed if you commited suicide.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t c-care. T-they’ll l-live. I-I w-won’t have t-to worry a-about it a-anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Sarah’s here now. How about you ask her instead of just assuming things?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah had silent tears running down her cheeks. “I-I need y-you Kaitlyn. I-I won’t b-be able t-to live w-without y-you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you not see this Kaitlyn? Even just the thought of losing you is making Sarah so distraught.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pressed her hands to her ears. “I-I don’t w-w-want to l-listen to y-you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled her hands off of her ears. “Well maybe you should, because you are in need of a serious reality check!” I snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head, and while sobbing uncontrollably, pulled the needle connected to the drip from her arm. She pointed it at her throat, and Sarah and I froze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-don’t do it.” I hesitated, not knowing how to react.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Put the needle d-down, please.” Sarah begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She inched it closer to her throat. “No. I suggest you leave. You don’t need to see this.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please!” Sarah sobbed. “W-what d-do you want? I-I’ll give you anything! J-Just put t-the needle d-down!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want anything other than for it to be over! Why can’t I have that?!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because it’s not going to end your suffering Kaitlyn,” I explained slowly. “It’s going to pass the pain onto everyone around you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good! There’s only so much! And besides, they can learn to deal with it! I’m not putting up with it any longer!” She said, pressing the needle against her throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah began to creep around the side of the bed, and I realised her plan. I just needed to keep Kaitlyn talking and distracted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, Kaitlyn, stop. We can work around this. We’ll help you, but you need to put the needle down. Don’t you want a future? Don’t you want a chance?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I don’t! The world has screwed me over enough times already!” She yelled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In a moment of distraction, Sarah yanked Kaitlyn’s hand and the needle away from her neck, and over off of bed. The needle fell to the floor with a quiet *dink* as Kaitlyn dropped it in shock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell Sarah?! And I was stupid enough to think you cared about my opinion!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I care about your o-opinion.” Sarah sniffled, obviously hurt by her comments, “B-but sometimes I-I have to protect y-you from yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to protect me! If you were a good mother at all, you’d let me control my life!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah gasped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn!” I snapped. “I know you’re not happy, but being cruel and nasty to the one person who loves you more than life itself is not going to make you feel better! Apologise!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no!” She tried to yell, before sadness took over her words. “I-I’m sorry!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sniffled and looked up at Kaitlyn. “A-am I r-really a b-bad m-mother?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I’m so, so sorry! Pl-please don’t hate me!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah got up, and wrapped Kaitlyn in a hug. “I-I could never h-hate you bub. B-But I h-hate the w-way y-you’re t-thinking. I-I need y-you, and s-so does Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m so sc-scared!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are y-you scared of?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ö-of make people sad.” She sobbed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t make me sad bub.” Sarah soothed. “You make me really happy. Really, really happy. The only thing about you that makes me sad, is that you don’t want to be around to make me happy anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what about Br-Brendon? I’m always making him s-sad!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you remember earlier when I said that Brendon was sorting out a few things for himself? You’re not making him sad. He’s just sad about other things, and he’s getting better.You don’t make people sad bub. I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-when can I see him again?” She asked nervously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tomorrow.” I said confidently. “You can see him tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-do you think all of my st-stuff will make him sad?” She questioned, biting her lip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do.” Sarah gulped. “But this makes everybody sad. He’ll be there for you, as will I, as will the puppies. But when you get better, nobody will be sad anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How can I make him, all of y-you not sad?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-by being here. B-By n-not wanting t-to leave us. Kaitlyn, you as a person is all we need to be happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t want to l-leave you, I just am s-sick of the world.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah pulled her into a hug. “Well, let’s not think about the world. Right now, let’s just think about us. Here. Just you and me and tomorrow Brendon too. Just us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “I-I love you.” She said, crying into Sarah’s shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you so much bub, I can’t put it into words.” Sarah soothed, lightly rubbing circles in Kaitlyn’s back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please don’t leave me. I-I don’t ever w-want you to leave.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t ever leave you, Kaitlyn.” Sarah promised. “But promise me that you won’t leave me either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “I-I don’t know if I can pr-promise that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Promise me Kaitlyn,” Sarah sniffled. “Promise me you won’t leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh-Uhhh.” She stammered. “I-I can’t.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please. Please promise me.” Sarah asked, getting a little more desperate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you don’t h-have to be s-sorry,” Sarah sniffled. “J-just at l-least promise t-that you w-won’t leave m-me today. J-Just promise m-me you’ll m-make it to t-tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I will. I at least want to say g-goodbye to Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah let out a muffled sob, and I decided to intervene in the conversation before it returned to the previous disaster.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, we’re going to move you to the other room now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “O-okay.” She stated simply without trying to fight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I kicked the stoppers off of the wheels of the bed, and Sarah collected the various bits and bobs from around the room. Kaitlyn sat nervously on the bed as I began pushing it down the corridors, and into the elevator.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what’s the new room l-like?” She asked, clearly trying to not overthink the situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I considered. “It’s similar to the old one, I guess. There are a couple of differences, but the only big thing is that you’ll be in closer proximity to people who can help you with your thoughts and other things like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Okay, I guess.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry.” Sarah said. “It’s not what’s depicted on TV.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded weakly. “I-I hope not. Th-that’s scary.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The elevator dinged and with a few swipes of my security card, I pushed Kaitlyn into the spare room in the psychiatric ward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, this is it.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn nodded, but she seemed on the verge of tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong bub?” Sarah asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It just kind of reminds me of the gr-group home. It’s so bare, and th-the walls are a si-similar colour. Th-that’s all.” She whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “It’s permitted to put some posters on the wall, if you find that might help. But Sarah would have to bring them in, they aren’t supplied.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no, d-don’t worry. I’ll just s-suck it up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll get you some posters.” Sarah said. “These walls are a bit bare. But we’ll fix that up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn just nodded and sunk into her thin blanket. “I-I don’t l-like it here.” She mumbled softly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. But you’ll only be here for a short while. You’ll be home before you know it.” Sarah soothed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-how are the puppies? D-do you kn-know?” She asked, changing the topic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah grinned slightly and pulled a picture of them up on her phone. “They’re doing great. Still as cute as ever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn smiled slightly. “They’re adorable. I miss my puppy cuddles.” She admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll see if I can get special permission.” I blurted out. “Sometimes, if patients are really struggling, we can get permission for their pets to visit. Considering this situation, I think I could get approved for the puppies to visit you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn smiled. “That’d be nice.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah gave me a grateful look. “That would be lovely.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’ll go talk with the head doctor. I’ll be back. Sarah, make sure you stay here.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0039"><h2>39. Chapter 38 - Panic!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>***** Brendon’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m free!” I smiled, swinging my arms around as Sarah signed the release paperwork.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah chuckled. “You sure are. You excited?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh hell yeah!” I laughed. “I don’t want to ever come back here!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her face fell slightly. “Um, yeah. Listen, Bren, I think there’s something I need to talk to you about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My smile fizzled out. “W-what is it?” I asked nervously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked around the room. “Let’s go sit down and talk about this over a drink.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” I stammered nervously, not liking where this was heading. I had just gotten out of hospital, this was supposed to be a happy time, so what the hell was important enough to corrupt that happiness?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We ordered some drinks from the cafe. When Sarah’s coffee and my milkshake arrived, she looked at me nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose you want to know what I’ve got to say now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Wh-what is it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “It’s Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no! What’s wrong?! Is she okay?” I said, getting up from the table to find her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah pulled my arm back down to the seat. “Brendon, Brendon, breathe. She’s not hurt.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-then what’s wrong?!” I asked, my urgency rising, making staying seated a lot harder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah got up and wrapped me in a hug, before delivering the detrimental news. “She’s in the psychiatric ward, Brendon. Her mental health is… bad. Brendon, this is worse than you. She got so close to taking her life, I stepped in at the last minute. She’s better than she was yesterday, but she’s suicidal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-what?” I sunk back into the chair. “B-but, she c-can’t be! No!” I exclaimed throwing my head into my hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Bren, I feel the exact same way. But she really needs us, and that’s why I sort of had to rain on your parade when you said you never wanted to go back to the psychiatric ward.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a deep breath in. “C-can I see her?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Yeah, she’s been asking to see you. But let’s finish these drinks first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” I said, twirling the straw around the cup.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah took a long sip of her coffee and looked at me. “Brendon, are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know. S-sure, I guess?” I stated unsurely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She reached over and grabbed my hand. “We’ll get through this together, Bren. Dr Jo said she might be able to get permission for the puppies to visit her, won’t that be nice?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I guess so.” I said, mindlessly stirring the drink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk to me Brendon. What’s going through your head?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-that’s the worst place in the world. I-I just got o-out and now my daughter has to go through th-that!” I sobbed, banging my head against the table and crying into the wood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but you got better, didn’t you Bren? She’ll get better too. Besides, we can work on finding a new house, and packing everything up. I was hoping we could move by christmas, if you’re on board with that. I just don’t want to have to deal with the stairs and Kaitlyn in the house we’ve got.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Are we going to stay here, or move far away?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was thinking we’d stay here, you need to be here for your music. But maybe we could go to another part of town, somewhere where we’d never have to take the road that you and Kaitlyn hate, and Kaitlyn wouldn’t run the risk of running into any of the people she used to live with.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds cool, I suppose.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah took another sip of her coffee. “Are you going to drink that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe?” I responded, not really deciding on an answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll make you feel better, take a couple of sips.” Sarah encouraged, pushing the chocolatey drink towards me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I drank some of the drink, mostly to make her happy, but I couldn’t drown the horrible feeling that resided in my stomach.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah finished her drink, and after settling the tab, she took my hand as she walked me back to the horrible place I had just come from. She knocked lightly on a door about 3 down from the one I was in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn?” She asked gently. “It’s Sarah. And Brendon’s here too. Can we come in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess.” She mumbled, barely loud enough for us to hear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah pushed open the door, and I almost gasped at the sight of my daughter. She seemed thinner than usual, and the hospital gown didn’t do much to hide it. The mint-green walls were covered in posters, mostly full of happy and inspirational sayings. I could match them to Sarah, they were probably her idea. Kaitlyn was tucked up at one end of the bed, sitting with her knees tucked up to her chest. She glanced up at me and tried to smile, but it came out as a sort of grimace. Her eyes were red and puffy, signifying that she had been crying. But what sent a shiver down my spine was the hollow-ness about them, like somebody had come along and sucked all the joy and life out of her while I was away.  Sarah walked over and began a conversation, while I stood to the side, trying to register the situation in my mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Brendon?” I heard her whimper, snapping me out of my fixation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” I answered, spinning around to face her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can I have a h-hug? I m-missed you.” She asked hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” I said, walking over and wrapping her skinny frame in my arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m scared dad.” She whimpered into my shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dad. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She just called me Dad. A father figure, a proper name and all. Sarah gave me an encouragingly smile, but my brain was still speeding at 1000 miles an hour with the thought that she actually called me </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dad.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know little worm.” I said. “So am I. But it will be over soon, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-do you promise?” She asked. “Truly?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do.” I assured her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I m-missed having you around.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too little worm. But I’m here now. And I shouldn’t have to go back to New York for a while.” I said with a small smile. “I’ve got all the time in the world.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you so, so much. Pl-please don’t leave me.” She cried lightly, holding onto me tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to leave you little worm. Never ever ever.” I soothed, pulling her closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her tears lightened slightly. “How on earth was I lucky enough to get you as a dad, Brendon? I don’t deserve you!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh. Don’t say that. You totally deserve me, you deserve more than me. You deserve everything Kaitlyn, for all the crap that the world has put you through…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I want to wr-write a song. For real, n-not just because y-you do it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can do that little worm.” I said. “Do you want to do it by yourself, or do you want my help?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I want you to h-help me. If you d-don’t want to, th-that’s fine.” She stammered nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course I’ll help you. Have you ever wrote a poem or anything along those lines?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ve tried….” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled encouragingly. “It’s sort of like that, except you have to sort of put a rhythm to it. I can show you how I write, but everyone writes a little differently to everyone else, so you might have to work out your own style.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “I just hope I don’t m-mess up, I guess.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You won’t mess up, I promise.” I assured. “It’s impossible to mess up these things. If you can write something that means something to you, then you’ve succeeded. That’s all I have to say.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah, w-where is J-Joanne?” She asked, slightly scared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” Sarah asked. “I think Joanne is at home, but there is another psychologist here if you want to talk to him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded frantically. “P-please.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong little worm?” I asked nervously as Sarah left to find the other psychologist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I feel like I’m g-going to act o-out. I’m scared!” She stuttered. “D-don’t let me hurt m-myself Brendon!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gently took her hands in my own, and held them tightly to try and stop them from shaking. “I won’t let you. I’m here now. Don’t worry, you’re okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She bit her lip. “I-I love you Brendon.” She whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too, Kaitlyn.” I soothed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She curled up again, still holding my hands and rested her head in my lap. She was still shaking, clearly very scared and she was trying so hard to not do anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re doing great little worm. Hold still, the doctor is coming.” I told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah entered the room, a doctor following her. He looked at Kaitlyn and pulled a chair up to the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What seems to be the problem?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn curled up more. “I-I feel like I’m g-going to hurt myself.”  She stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor nodded. “Can you pinpoint why, per say?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “N-No. I’m s-sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s okay. Mr Urie, I hate to ask, but is it okay if I just have a few moments alone with Kaitlyn to talk through this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, uh, yeah. Of course.” I said, preparing to step out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn gave me a nervous look as I gently let go of her hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-come back, okay?” She asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. Always.” I promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-thanks.” She stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt awful as I followed Sarah outside, leaving her alone in there. Sarah straightened my jacket and put a hand on my shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay Bren?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, I-I think so.” I mumbled nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed. “I know it’s hard seeing her like this. It’s killing me internally. Yesterday though, yesterday was worse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t even want to begin to imagine it.” I admitted. “I feel like this is my fault.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably best if you don’t imagine yesterday.” Sarah mumbled. “But it’s not your fault, Brendon. It all started when Bandit sort of tipped her off the edge, and the snowball effect has sort of built it up to this. It’s not you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It seems like as soon as I got happy, Kaitlyn became sad.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, it’s a strange coincidence.” Sarah mumbled. “But soon everyone will be happy again. We just need to stay hopeful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded weakly, before sitting down on the floor. “You’ve been doing this for days and seem fine, but when I try to do what you do for a few minutes, I feel overwhelmed. I feel useless.”  I admitted in defeat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, that’s how I feel. I broke down yesterday, you just didn’t see it. It’s fine not to be fine about this. I’m certainly not fine, but I guess we just have to power on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “What can I do to help me continue pushing forward though?” I asked, hoping to find an answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah shrugged. “I find coffee to help. Although it might be different for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I just slumped further down and ended up basically laying on the floor. “I hate this.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sat down next to me. “Yeah, I know. I do too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled my phone out and started looking through social medias while I waited. I ended up looking through houses for sale and Sarah looked over my shoulder, helping me sift through some of the homes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about this one?” I suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “I guess that could work. It’s a bit out of our price range though. Plus, I think it’s a bit far away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess so.” I said, looking through others. “I hate house shopping. Sadly it has to be done.” I sighed. Most of the houses were either too small, too big, too far away or too expensive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I may have found one.” Sarah said, looking at her phone screen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked over to what she was looking at. The house looked great, for a while for at least. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-have you found any others?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll text you through some links.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr and Mrs Urie?” The doctor called.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We got up and took each others hands as we walked back in. Kaitlyn was sitting in her position, although this time she was crying, tears flowing down her cheeks. She didn’t look up at us, just continued sobbing uncontrollably.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor flicked through some notes on his clipboard. “She may be here longer than expected.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded tearfully. “D-do you think s-she’ll be okay?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She should recover. However, I do think her stay in this ward may have to be extended. We’re being faced with the possibility of moving her to a separate institution off of hospital grounds that is better suited to dealing with these problems.” The doctor explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Is there anything we can do to help?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “Not really at this point. The most you can do is be here, and that’s probably the thing that is going to help her the most.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll make sure we’re here. Thank you.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “I’ll keep in touch regarding the possibility of moving her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully it doesn’t get to that though.” I mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m afraid it might.” He said nervously. “Because she’s a minor, and adults need these rooms, we’re looking at moving her to a centre for teenagers. The staff there will be more suited to treating her, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked down nervously. “I suppose.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “Well, thanks doc.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He waved before heading out the door, leaving us alone with Kaitlyn. I walked over to her and stood beside the bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can you talk to me K-Kaitlyn?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Brendon?” She asked, studying my face for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I brushed some of her hair out of her face. “It’s okay.” I said simply, before pulling her into a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hugged me back. “I-I w-wanna go home Brendon.” She sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know little worm, but we need to make sure you are okay.” I explained softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “C-can you do t-that at h-home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish we could. I promise that soon enough you’ll be out of it. I know you’ve heard it so many times before, but I assure you, we’ll be at home soon enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It d-doesn’t feel l-like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” I said pulling her in tighter. “But as soon as you’re better, we can go home, and relax, and try to get back to normal. We’ll have to see what it takes for you to get better though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-the doctor s-said that h-he wanted t-to e-e-electrocute me.” Kaitlyn sniffled. “I-I don’t w-want t-that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bit my lip nervously. “We’ll have to see what happens. If that’s what it takes, then that’s what’ll happen. Don’t be scared though. We’re here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no! P-please don’t l-let t-t-them e-e-electrocute m-me!” Kaitlyn wailed, collapsing in my arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you w-won’t feel anything?” I tried to comfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-it’s scary!” She stammered. “W-what if s-something goes w-wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You just have to trust the doctors little worm. I know it’s scary, but you can’t just focus on the what-ifs. It is very unlikely something will go wrong. Trust me, you’ll be okay.” I assured. “It’s going to keep being scary right up until the end little worm, but you need to hold on and be strong, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just w-wanna go h-home!” She sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I know.” I soothed. “But you can’t yet. But we’ll be home soon enough, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s stuff like th-this, the never-ending stuff that make me w-want to leave so badly.” She wept.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I know. But it will come to an end, I promise.” I said. “Nothing is ever never-ending. It will end, and then life will continue. I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-well- Nevermind. Th-that was a horrible, stupid question.” She retaliated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it wasn’t.” I said gently. “It’s okay to ask things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I sh-should just suck it up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, you don’t have to suck anything up. That’s why you’re here.” Sarah said, sitting down next to the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just hate dragging you g-guys in and out of hospital. I-It’s rude.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bub, we don’t mind. It’s not rude. I know you don’t mean it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-And I-I’m sorry th-that that happened.” She mumbled</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please stop apologising little worm. You don’t need to apologise, you haven’t done anything wrong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I-I have. You can’t possibly tell m-me that I haven’t b-been a burden. Sure, I might’ve made y-you a bit happier, but that doesn’t m-mean I haven’t quadrupled your workload.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There is no workload in a home life bub.” Sarah explained slowly. “You’re not a burden on us, not at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-don’t lie. I’ve already f-forced you to m-move.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We were thinking of moving for almost a year, Kaitlyn.” Sarah said. “Besides, this is just the final nudge over the edge. You’re not forcing us to move, we’re choosing to move because we want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I still don’t w-want to move.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” I said. “But how about if you helped us pick a house? That way we could move somewhere where you wanted to. Would that make it better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “Y-you guys sh-should be happy. D-don’t worry about me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re part of the family, Kaitlyn Urie. If the Urie family is going to move, you should get a say.” Sarah said with an encouraging smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no.” She hesitated. “Y-you are Urie’s. I-I’m just a tag along Priss.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, don’t say that.” I said firmly. “You’re as much a Urie as I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m just a tag along. S-soon enough, y-you’ll send me b-back, then it’ll be y-you two, so m-make sure you’re happy.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re never going to send you back!” I exclaimed. “How could you think that? We love you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-because I mess everything up!” She wailed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, you don’t.” I said soothingly. “You haven’t messed anything up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She cried into my shirt. “W-why am I so useless?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not useless little worm.” I soothed, lightly patting her back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hate this. I hate all of this! I’d do anything to get out of this stupid hospital!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I know.” I said. “You’ll be out soon, I promise. You just need to focus on you, focus on getting better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know h-how to get better! I b-barely know what’s wrong!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Kaitlyn, it starts by talking. Talking to people who can help about how you feel, and letting them talk back with help and advice. It’s a slow process, I know, but that’s the best you can do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why d-do I have to b-be in hospital? C-can’t the s-same thing be done in th-therapy?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “Kaitlyn, you’re in hospital because you’re posing a threat to yourself. The reason you’re here is because we don’t want you hurting yourself. People here will watch you and take care of you, and when you improve and people aren’t worried that you’ll hurt yourself anymore, then you can come home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t w-want st-strangers watching m-me. C-can’t you two do it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I’m afraid not. Here, you’re closer to people you can talk to, who are specially trained to help you. Sarah and I aren’t trained in that way, and as much as I’d love to take you home, for you to get better, you need to be here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It c-can’t be th-that hard?” She stated unsurely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and hugged her tightly. “I know you want to come home, but you can’t just yet. They’re talking of moving you to a different facility though, I don’t know if it will be better than the hospital, but that might be better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no! I-I d-don’t want to be m-moved! D-don’t let them m-move me d-dad! It’s scary enough h-here!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it’s scary here, but I’ll be with you all the way. Don’t worry little worm, I’m not going anywhere. Neither is Sarah.” I said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She curled up and fell silent, shaking violently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sat on the other side of her and wrapped her in a hug. “You’ll be okay bub. It won’t be long before we’ll walk out of here together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her shaking worsened. “I-I’m sc-scared!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” Sarah said. “But Brendon and I are here for you. We’ll take care of you, and we won’t let them do anything that would hurt you, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-are they r-really g-going to electrocute m-me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just a different type of treatment bub. It’s not going to hurt at all, and you’ll be unconscious during the whole thing. I promise you, it’s not scary at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-how do y-you know? W-what i-if they m-mess up?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah gulped. “I um, I had a friend who has gone through it. And yes, he thought it was a scary concept, but it really helped him, and it’s really going to help you too, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I curled up myself as Sarah spoke about me like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is y-your fr-friend okay? Y-you s-said he h-had b-been to a m-mental h-hospital too? I-is it th-the same fr-friend?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “He’s gotten so much better now, he’s pretty much made a full recovery. And you will too, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn nodded. “I-I g-guess t-that’s a b-b-bit m-more comforting.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled. “I’m glad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-dad? W-what’s wr-wrong?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I snapped out of my daze. “Oh, um, nothing. I was just thinking about Sarah’s friend, about how he was feeling similar things to you before he went in for his first round of ECT.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, um….C-can I have a h-hug?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” I said, wrapping my arms around her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-how long does the ECT l-last?” Kaitlyn muttered, slightly shaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not long.” I said. “Normally the procedure is very short, and then you’ll wake up soon after.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Waking up is always the w-worst part.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry little worm, we’ll be there right beside you.” I soothed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-have e-either of you h-had s-surgery or anything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had my appendix out as a kid.” Sarah shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-do you r-remember it w-well?” She stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah shrugged. “It wasn’t very eventful. I just went to sleep, and woke up and it was over. The thought is more scary than the actual thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “I-I j-just want the o-operations to be over.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They will be soon bub.” Sarah soothed. “Only this one and then the other one to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what if it doesn’t work? W-what if I need m-more?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” I said firmly. “Let’s not worry about things that we don’t know will happen yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know if I w-want anymore operations. I-I don’t know if I-I want to get better.” Kaitlyn whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want to get better. Getting better means that you can live life without worrying anymore, without any of these bad thoughts that tell you that you’re not good enough. Getting better means that you’ll fit in with your friends, and you’ll be able to come home and live with us. Getting better means you’ll be happy.” I said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but I’m not g-good enough, and I-I don’t have fr-friends to even fit in w-with…” She sobbed lightly. “Y-you guys are b-basically my only fr-friends.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you’ll fit in with us. And kids your age. And you are good enough bub, don’t ever think that you’re not.” Sarah said firmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why do you th-think that?” Kaitlyn questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled. “Because you’re beautiful and talented and amazing. I could go on for hours about all the amazing things about you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-” She choked slightly on tears. “I don’t want to disappoint you m-mom. I want to make you pr-proud.” She mumbled with her knees pulled up to her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not disappointing me Kaitlyn. Not at all.” Sarah soothed. “You make me so proud every day. You’re smart, you’re funny, you’re clever, it’s impossible not to be proud of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m not proud of me...I’m sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should be proud of yourself.” I said. “You’ve done so many great things. You shouldn’t apologise either, you’re doing a great job.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you really think so?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really do.” I said with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn smiled slightly. “Th-thanks, I guess?” She hesitated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re welcome.” I smiled. “You deserve it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blushed slightly, before burying her face to try to hide it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor from before knocked on the door. “Visiting hours are over.” He stated simply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard Kaitlyn begin crying. “P-please don’t go.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hugged her tightly. “We’ll be back first thing tomorrow morning, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what am I supposed to do?” She sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” Sarah admitted. “Maybe you can watch some TV?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “I-I don’t want to be a-alone. I-it’s scary.” She stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. If you get really scared, you can call someone in, using this button here, okay?” Sarah said, pointing to a button on the remote that controlled the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but they’re a stranger!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, but that’s all there is. We’re not allowed to stay any longer.” Sarah admitted nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I- You can’t leave! Please!”  She panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I know. We don’t want to. But we have to. I’m sorry.” I said nervously, holding her close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-talk to the doctors! Figure something out! I-I need you!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, we’ll be back as soon as we can be.” Sarah tried to assure, the guilt beginning to show.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn began shaking again. “Y-you guys are th-the only reason I-I can c-calm down, or sl-sleep. I-I can’t do th-that if you aren’t h-here!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh…” Sarah soothed, desperately trying to calm Kaitlyn down. “You’ll be fine. I promise we’ll be back as soon as we can be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-d-don’t leave m-me!” She sobbed. “P-please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, I’m really sorry, but we aren’t allowed to stay here with you.” I apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her breaths shortened. “No, not now!”  She mumbled under her breath. “Please! Not now!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?!” Sarah asked frantically, running back over to her side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-nothing. Just go. I-I’ll work it out.” Kaitlyn tried to assure as she became more distressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, Kaitlyn, please. Tell us what’s wrong.” Sarah said, bending down to get in her line of sight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. Y-you have to leave. I-it’s just a stupid panic attack. D-don’t worry, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A panic attack is serious.” Sarah said nervously. “Please. Talk us through it. We’re not leaving yet. What’s going through your head?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no you have to g-” She started before blocking her ears with her hands. “P-please. Y-you d-don’t want to see this.”  She cried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat back down on the bed and took her hands in my own. “Kaitlyn, let us help you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s just. I-I got so u-used to people leaving and th-they never come back and-” She flustered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, we’re coming back in the morning. I promise.” I assured her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “J-just go. B-before it get w-worse.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled her in close. “We’re not leaving until, you’re, well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>stable.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” I said unsurely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She starting losing her breath. She tucked her head in her knees and I heard her mumbling </span>
  <em>
    <span>In and out </span>
  </em>
  <span>to herself.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah looked panicked herself. “K-Kaitlyn do you need a b-breathing mask?” She asked, placing her hand on her shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I-I’ve had to r-ride it out b-before. I-It wasn’t this b-bad b-but, I-I’ll do it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be back in a second.” Sarah said quickly, before dashing out of the room to find a doctor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, dammit! Y-you’re making m-mountains out of m-molehills again Kaitlyn!” Kaitlyn scolded herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, Kaitlyn, it’s fine. Please, just focus on breathing for me. In and out. In and out. That’s it.” I said, gently patting her back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you should’ve l-left. I-It only g-gets worse from h-here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then it’s vital that I stay.” I said firmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah rushed back in, doctor on her heels. He put a breathing mask on Kaitlyn’s face, and her breathing almost instantly became less laboured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what?” Kaitlyn mumbled, clearly new to this process. “W-what’s happening?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve connected you to a supply of oxygen to make sure that you don’t pass out from your severe hyperventilation.” The doctor explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no, it’s f-fine. I-I d-d-don’t need it.” She stated, reaching for the mask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled her hand away. “No, you do.” I stated. “You need to breathe, and if this is going to help, then it’s staying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She closed her eyes and sighed before lying down on the bed and began staring at the ceiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you feeling better?” Sarah asked cautiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A l-little bit, I guess.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any bit is good.” Sarah said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I noticed Kaitlyn starting to drift off, and I glanced up at the doctor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There is an, um, sedative in this oxygen mix.” He admitted. “I figured it would be best considering that you guys have to leave, and that seems to set her off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what?!” Kaitlyn exclaimed, although her voice was muffled by the obvious tiredness overtaking her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re just going to fall asleep, okay little worm? We’ll see you soon. I promise.” I soothed lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no…” She mumbled, her eyelids beginning to close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay.” I whispered, rubbing the back of her hand as I watched her fall asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Kaitlyn was snoozing and the doctor had removed the mask, Sarah and I collected our things and walked out to the car. It wasn’t until we were halfway home that we dared to break the silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel awful.” I stated simply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “I just wish there was another way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded in agreement. “That would be best. But there isn’t. And that sucks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I’m just going to go straight to sleep so I don’t keep worrying about this. I’m only going to feel worse if I don’t.” Sarah proposed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I’ll feed the dogs. Do you want dinner at all?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah shook her head glumly. “I’ll just have something in the morning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fair enough. I’m not hungry either, after what just happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once we had gotten home, Sarah slumped into the couch and broke into tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, Sarah, please don’t cry!” I exclaimed, running over to her side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It was just like watching y-you all over again!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Guilt poured through me as I realised that all the pain and hurt I was feeling for Kaitlyn, I had given to Sarah only days before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry…” I whispered, pulling her in for a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no, don’t worry. I-I just hadn’t fully gotten over it all.” She said, wiping away her tears with her hand. “I should just be glad you’re both okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Let’s go to bed. You look like you need a good night’s sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and got up off of the couch. I poured some dog food into Opal and Ollie’s bowls, before heading upstairs and after getting changed, climbing into bed next to Sarah. She had already fallen asleep, but her face was still red from the tears downstairs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wrapped my arm around her, hoping to provide some comfort and security before I fell asleep beside her.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0040"><h2>40. Chapter 39 - Ever Since We Met (Part 1)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>***** Kaitlyn’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s Brendon and Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning to you too.” The nurse mumbled as she took note of my vitals on her clipboard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked around, desperate to find them. “Th-they said they’d be here!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Visiting hours start at 9. It’s only 8. They’ll be here at 9, maybe later depending on traffic.” The nurse shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My breaths shortened but I tried staring at the walls, looking at the posters, hoping they’d remind me of Sarah and provide some comfort. However, as I stared them down, the longing for her and Brendon to be by my side only grew more intense, and I began shaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I miss them.” I whimpered to the nurse who was preparing to leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Look, I’ll talk to the doctors and ask if they can come early, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please do. Th-thank you.” I stammered gratefully. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave me a quick nod, before leaving the room, abandoning me to suffer in this painful silence by myself. My shaking grew more severe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wasn’t quite sure what to do. I couldn’t call for help, or focus on something else, because it seemed like absolutely everything found it’s way to link back to Sarah and Brendon</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In a final act of desperation, I pressed the green button on the remote in the hope that someone would enter, someone to take my mind off of my growing anxiety that they had left me after all, that they didn’t care, that they thought I was useless and hated me. Tears began to well in my eyes as the thoughts came more overpowering, swirling around my brain and attacking every part that tried to convince me otherwise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A doctor then rushed in, slightly worried and sat beside me. “Talk to me Kaitlyn. It’s clear you are freaking out, but tell me why?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Brendon and S-Sarah a-aren’t here.” I stammered, taking a moment as I choked on a sob. “T-they h-hate me! T-they d-don’t want m-me a-anymore! T-t-they don’t l-love me! I-I’m al-alone!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. I promise that they love you. They’ve been in reception for about half an hour trying to convince the receptionist to let them see you. I promise, soon enough, they’ll be right here beside you, okay? Do you want me to have someone bring them here?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded dramatically. “P-please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He popped out of the room for a minute and talked to a passing nurse, before sitting back beside me. “They’re coming.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By then I had worked myself into quite a state, tucked up in a tight ball, rocking myself back and forth slightly to try and create some sort of self-hug. It wasn’t working. By the time Sarah and Brendon raced in, tears were flowing down my face in thick streams and I was unable to control the sobs coming from my mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh bub.” Sarah said as she engulfed me in a hug. “I-it’s okay. We’re here.” Sarah stammered, seemingly scared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I thought y-you’d l-left me!” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no little worm! Never! We promised we’d come see you as soon as we could. We’re sorry we couldn’t have gotten here much earlier.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I couldn’t control my sobbing as I wrapped my arms around Brendon, holding him as close as I possibly could. He hugged me back, lightly stroking my messed-up hair as my tears created wet patches on his shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t ever think we’d abandon you. We were worried sick. We didn’t want to leave you at all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t l-like being a-alone.” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled away and stared me in the eyes. “I don’t like being alone either, but, we have to be strong. I’m not going to tell you to ignore it, or forget about it because it’s hard, instead, you just need to try to become used to it. I’ll try to be here as much as I can.” He vowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “T-thank y-you B-Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just doing what you deserve little worm.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Guilt hit like a tsunami. “I-I d-don’t d-deserve y-you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You say that, but you have no believable evidence. You deserve us plenty Kaitlyn.”  He assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Y-you’re t-too g-g-good f-for m-me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head lightly in return. “You have no idea. There are so many things that make you more than Sarah and I deserve. I’m going to keep telling you that until you understand.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I c-can’t believe s-something t-that i-isn’t t-true.” I sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I saw tears building in his eyes. “I-If you say so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m s-s-sorry!” I sobbed. “I-I d-don’t w-wanna m-make you s-s-sad!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no, it’s f-fine. I-I just wish y-you could see what we c-can.” He tried to state confidently through his tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hugged him tighter. “I-I w-want to g-go h-home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So do I, little worm.” He admitted. “But we’ve got to work through this before we can.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can you j-just, like, s-s-sneak me o-out?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bub, that’s not going to do you any good.” Sarah interjected.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but p-please!” I begged. “I-I h-hate it h-here!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah looked incredibly guilty. “We’re sorry bub. We aren’t leaving until we are sure you are okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I broke into another round of sobs. “P-please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please calm down.”  Brendon stammered. “W-we can’t do anything about i-it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah came and sat down beside me. “I know it’s not nice here Kaitlyn, but I promise it’ll help you get better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s not getting better! I-It’s getting w-worse! It just induced my f-first p-proper panic attack in t-two years!” I exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah paused for a moment. “What caused the one two years ago?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It was n-nothing.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk to us bub. Please.” Sarah said. “We need to know these things, they could help get you out of here sooner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-once I was l-locked in a d-dark cupboard. It was dark, and n-no one h-helped me out f-for an entire d-day!” I felt panicked just thinking about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah gulped nervously. “Who locked you in the closet, bub?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-who do you th-think?” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are two answers in my mind.” Sarah said nervously. “One of them could be charged with child abuse for this, the other would be child bullying another child.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“G-Gretchen shoved me in th-there and wh-when M-Mrs heard m-my c-calls for help she l-locked the d-door! A v-visitor f-found me and br-broke the l-lock because M-Mrs said she l-lost the key…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed. “Alright. I’ll be following this up with the police.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-don’t worry about i-it. I j-just told you b-because- I-I don’t kn-know…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for telling me.” Sarah said gently. “I’m just a little concerned about that place you grew up in. Did anything else, um, like that happen, when she purposely made you suffer in any way?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ummm. Only that one time, b-but that's not important.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah studied my face for a moment. “Please, Kaitlyn, be honest. I can tell you’re hiding something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s nothing. I’m just overreacting.” I flustered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If anything bub,” Sarah said nervously. “You’re underreacting. Tell me what happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was my f-fault. N-Not hers.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was?” Sarah asked, really pushing for answers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-when I was l-learning to r-ride a bike, s-since I n-never learnt, and that made Mrs H-Hungin think I-I was useless, I g-got something in m-my eye and I r-rode over to M-Mrs so she c-could h-hold me th-then sh-she p-pushed me i-into the w-wall. Th-that’s all th-that’s important, I g-guess.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah rubbed her eyes. “Alright. Well, can you tell me some of the less important things?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-well after I f-fell after c-crashing, M-Mrs H-Hungin t-told Gretchen to h-help me up. S-she r-ran over me and M-Mrs laughed. She came o-over to me and I th-thought sh-she was going to h-help b-but she dropped my b-bike on my a-arm. T-then she w-wouldn’t t-take me to th-the hospital b-because I th-thought I broke my a-arm. I did, by the way, it just didnt h-heal properly.” I responded sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was it this arm?” Brendon asked, pointing at my wonky arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah. I-I never really thought much about it. S-sometimes it hurts when I m-move it, but anyway...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are there other events like that one? How many?” Sarah asked, pulling her phone out and beginning to take notes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-there were only like…...7?  Other big ones.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you ever get seriously hurt? Like, a broken bone or anything from them?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah I guess. That’s not important though.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. I have to make a phone call. I’ll be back.” Sarah mumbled, leaving the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked nervously at Brendon. “W-what have I d-done? D-did I m-mess up?” I stuttered nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No little worm, you haven’t done anything at all. But some bad people have, so Sarah’s going to make sure that they get in trouble for it.” Brendon assured me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-what did they d-do? W-who was it?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon gulped. “Mrs Hungin is in trouble, because the way she treated you was against the law. It’s child abuse, Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Oh. R-really?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, if an adult ever hurts you physically, that’s child abuse. The fact that she pushed you into a wall and locked you in a closet, that’s serious.” Brendon explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but that was just k-kind of normal? That’s all she ever r-really did...I d-didn’t know it was b-bad…” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon sighed and hugged me tightly. “I know. That’s why Sarah is trying to make sure she gets in trouble for it now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, don’t apologise, it’s not your fault.” Brendon soothed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I shouldn’t have t-told you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Kaitlyn, you should have.” Brendon told me forcefully. “Someone has done wrong against you, and now we need to make sure that that wrong becomes a right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-didn’t anything l-like that h-h-happen to you?” I asked, hoping I wasn’t completely alone in this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon shook his head. “No, it didn’t. I was raised in a very religious house, I suppose. But I was loved, and I still am even though I left their church. But there are a lot of people you can talk to if you feel the need to talk to someone who’s gone through something similar.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-will I ever meet your f-families?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably.” I nodded. “Would you like to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I guess so? D-don’t worry about it i-if you’re embarrassed by me th-though…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head in disbelief. “You’re not going to embarrass us, Kaitlyn. You only ever make us proud.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No I d-do-” I started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes you do Kaitlyn.” Brendon cut me off. “You make us so proud. I know you won’t believe me, but it’s true. Sarah will say the exact same thing.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked down at my lap, blood rushing into my cheeks. “B-being here d-doesn’t m-make you p-proud.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it does little worm.” He said, bringing my head close into his chest. “Because you’re fighting. I don’t know who you are fighting for, but you’re fighting and that makes me so happy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears began spilling from my eyes. “I-I’m f-fighting f-for you D-Dad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad.” He mumbled. “I’m glad I’m encouraging you to push on. Only a little longer, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah walked back into the room, phone in hand. “She’s in police custody.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what?!” I shot up, alarmed. “No, NO!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Calm down little worm.” Brendon soothed. “It’s for the best. Please, breathe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gripped onto his shirt, and listened for his heartbeat, timing my breaths to that. It was working for a while before I reminded myself of why I was panicking in the first place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you upset Kaitlyn?” Sarah asked, a tad confused. “Shouldn’t this news make you happy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sh-she’s gonna kill me!” I screamed, the sound being muffled by Brendon’s chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, we’re here. We’re going to look after you. She can’t hurt you when she’s in jail, bub.” Sarah said, joining the hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sh-she’ll find a way. Wh-what have I d-done!?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please little worm,” Brendon asked. “Please breathe. You’re hyperventilating again. In and out Kaitlyn, In and out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I began shaking, so I gripped tighter onto his shirt, afraid of where this might lead. I tried to breathe, but couldn’t control it, which caused more panic. “I-I-I can’t!” I sobbed, desperately trying to catch my breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah raced out of the room and returned with a doctor and yet another oxygen mask. By that point I had started rasping, air seemingly refusing to get in my lungs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-dad! H-help!” I called as the mask was strapped on. I wasn’t sure whether I wanted help breathing or getting the mask off at this point, all I knew was that I was terrified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just breathe little worm.” He asked desperately, taking my hands in his own. “Just breathe. It’s easier now, just in and out. In and out. That’s it! In and out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stared helplessly at Brendon as I tried to breathe. It was easier, but I still found my body rejecting the oxygen, only to a lesser extent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s going blue doc!” Sarah panicked, grabbing the doctor’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I continued looking at Brendon, tears building in my eyes. I was sure that this was it, that these were my final moments, so I feebly wrapped my arms around Brendon and held on as tight as I could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Breathe Kaitlyn!” He exclaimed. “Breathe! Please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pushed on and tried to force air into my lungs. Eventually, it just simply faded to black and I couldn’t push anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to hold her upright with my shaking hands, but the task proved itself to be too labour intensive. Kaitlyn was holding onto my as tight as she could in her current condition, the plastic of the breathing mask pressing up against my chest. Her wheezing worsened, and I felt her go limp in my arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah!” I almost screamed. “Sarah, she’s passed out!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor pulled her away from me and pushed me rudely out of the room, along with Sarah. I wanted to go back in so badly, but I knew I couldn’t. “I-I hope sh-she’s okay.” I stuttered, sitting down on the ground and pulling my knees to my chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sat down next to me and rested her head on my shoulder. “S-so do I, B-Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-was it m-me? D-did I cause th-that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Bren, no. It was me. I made the phone call, and I told her that, and that sent her into meltdown.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but why couldn’t she br-breathe? Sh-she had the mask and e-everything!” I stated, tears beginning to fall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you’ve had panic attacks before. You know how scary they can get. I think this one was just a bit too scary, too scary for the mask to help her. She’ll be okay. It’ll just take a few minutes for her to regain her breath, and maybe a few hours before she wakes up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why does she have to go th-through th-that? I-It’s horrible! I-I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. P-panic attacks are awful!” I sobbed, taking note of my slight shaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Brendon. I wouldn’t wish them on anyone either. I suppose, I suppose the higher powers aren’t really shining down on her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I suppose not.” I said, clenching my fist as some assurance of control. “D-do you know wh-where the bathroom i-is?” I stammered nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah pointed down the corridor. “Are you alright, Bren?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah. I’ll be okay. I-I just have to s-sort something out.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah took my hand and pecked a kiss on my cheek. “Do you want me to call Dr Jo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “P-please. I-I don’t w-want to h-have an attack.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded, worry filling her face. “I’ll call her now. Go wash your face, get some water. I’ll be right here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wandered down the corridor into the bathroom. I tried to not focus on anything but washing my face so I wouldn’t look into it and make the situation worse. I walked back out to where Sarah was and sat back down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is it s-sorted?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll drive you to her office now.” Sarah said, taking her hand. “The doctors said that Kaitlyn would be fine for about 3 hours. Come on, let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I simply nodded before I followed Sarah out to the car. My situation had worsened slightly but I tried to keep it calm to not concern Sarah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She drove a little above the speed limit to the familiar office building, and we walked inside. Dr Jo was waiting for me in the waiting room, and welcomed me into her office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-hi?” I said as I entered the room and sat down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Brendon.” Dr Jo mumbled as she searched through her filing cabinet, before pulling what I assumed to be my file out. She sat down and turned to face me. “What seems to be the problem?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I almost had a-another attack at the h-hospital.” I murmured, looking down to the ground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She perked up, looking at me with interest. “What set this off?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I-I, K-Kaitlyn has just had an attack of h-her own, th-then I was talking about it to Sarah an-and I f-felt so vulnerable and w-weak and then I st-started shaking so I t-told Sarah.” I responded lightly, ashamed that I had to grace Dr Jo’s presence probably more than her other patients.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed to herself as she flicked through some papers. “Kaitlyn. Right.” She mused. “I’m assuming she isn’t improving then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t kn-know.” I mustered, slightly scared. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what’s been happening Kaitlyn-wise over the past few days?” She asked. “I’m afraid I haven’t been able to see her again since the, um, night before you got out of hospital.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-well she is still h-horrible on the self-worth end of th-things and th-that horrible place m-messed her up r-real bad, so, so now she’s set off by everything. She’s had two a-attacks in the past two days. Sh-she passed out in m-my arms. I was so sc-scared!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh dear.” Dr Jo said, tapping her chin and actually looking genuinely worried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I want her to b-be okay. D-do you think sh-she’ll be okay Dr J-Jo?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded unsurely. “She should be. Her condition is worse than yours, Brendon, but I think she should make a recovery.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” I mumbled, unsure of what to say. “Th-that’s good I guess.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does she have a psychologist yet?” Dr Jo asked. “Somebody other than me? I thought she spoke to somebody, was it Linda? I don’t know. But I think you and Sarah should look into that, speaking to the same person will help, that way she won’t have to explain everything all over again every time she sees somebody.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-do you h-have anyone to r-recommend?” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She considered for a moment. “Well, I do I suppose. Would you like me to just tell you, or go see Sarah after?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-both, maybe?” I mumbled. “I don’t kn-know. You decide.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. There is a woman I work with, her name is Beth, she’s very good with the teenagers. She’s treated eating disorders before, and is quite experienced with depression, so I think I’ll send her a message and ask if she’ll take Kaitlyn on. Do you think that sounds alright Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “W-whatever you think is best.” I said, looking down at my fingers that were fiddling in my lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, what set Kaitlyn’s panic attack off?” Dr Jo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ummm...” I tried to remember. “S-Sarah made a call th-that led the old gr-group home owner g-go into police c-custody. Sh-she told Kaitlyn about it and sh-she started panicking.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why was the owner of the group home in custody?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sh-she repetitively a-abused K-Kaitlyn. Sh-she didn’t care about her at a-all.” I sobbed lightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo was taken aback. “Did you say </span>
  <em>
    <span>abused, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah?” I answered nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus.” Dr Jo mumbled, scrawling something down on the paper. “And the phone call made Kaitlyn panic?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah. Wh-what’s wrong?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just trying to calculate,” She said, flicking through some more papers. “The likelihood that she’s got the same thing you do, Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-what? R-really?” I panicked. “No, no!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, please calm down. For every chance that there is, there is also the chance that there is not.” Dr Jo told me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I curled up on the chair. “I-I don’t w-want her to go through th-this!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you don’t Brendon. But I’m afraid you can’t control it. Neither can I, neither can anyone. If it’s there, then it’s there, and she’ll have to go on a similar course of therapy to you. Slightly different of course, considering the eating disorder, but it will be similar.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I began crying, instead of providing a response. I wrapped my arms around my legs and cried further, wishing desperately that she wouldn’t have to go through this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there a particular reason that the thought of Kaitlyn having Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder freaks you out, Brendon?” Dr Jo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-many.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you verbalise them for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is h-horrible, the worst thing in my life, and then the guilt. The guilt would be enough to send me spiralling into depression again and, and she might find out…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you so paranoid about Kaitlyn finding out? I actually think she’d be very understanding.” Dr Jo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t want her connecting the dots…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Connecting the dots to…” Dr Jo asked, referencing for me to finish her sentence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’ll find out I was in the car, that I was driving.” I mumbled quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, she was in the car too. She won’t mind, considering that you didn’t actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>do </span>
  </em>
  <span>anything after all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but she doesn’t know that?” I replied unsurely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She will when she knows the story, Brendon. Currently, she doesn’t even know that </span>
  <em>
    <span>she </span>
  </em>
  <span>was there, let alone you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but, isn’t that for the b-best?” I questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed. “No, Brendon. If it was you, wouldn’t you want to know? Besides, then you and Sarah wouldn’t have to worry about keeping the secret anymore. Plus, if she does end up being diagnosed with PTSD, then she will know that she has someone close to her going through the same thing, and you two can help each other through it. You need to tell her, Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but how?” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo shrugged. “That’s up to you and Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t feel much better then before I c-came.” I stammered. “If a-anything, I feel w-worse! Th-this is useless!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, Brendon, talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong, I’ll see if I can help. I’m sorry for going off track.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know! Th-that’s half the pr-problem!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the other half of the problem then?” Dr Jo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know how to h-help myself…” I murmured at a level that made it almost indistinguishable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon,” She sighed, shaking her head slightly. “Let’s talk about the almost attack. How were you feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I was, and in a way, st-still am terrified!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why exactly was that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-because of th-the episode. I-I though it would l-lead to that. I d-didn’t want to b-be r-restrained again.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s an understandable fear Brendon. How were you feeling towards Kaitlyn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know. There was so m-much going on, I couldn’t comprehend it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How has your relationship with Kaitlyn been progressing? Do you think it’s getting better or worse?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-better. Definitely.” I smiled slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah? Why do you say that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My smile grew and I blushed slightly, but tried to hide it. “Sh-she’s been calling me d-dad.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo held her hand in the air. “Great! High five Brendon!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took me a moment to register what was happening, before I smiled slightly and high fived her. She grinned at me and went back to her papers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I suppose that’s g-good, right?” I stammered, slightly dazed by what had just happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo nodded. “That’s wonderful Brendon. I’m very proud, you’re obviously doing a good job.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose I should admit something now.” I murmured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?” Dr Jo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I haven’t been home much at all, but I did something stupid.” I mumbled. “B-but I don’t know if I want to f-fix it b-because I d-didn’t want to tell S-Sarah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you do Brendon?” Dr Jo questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I threw my stupid pills out because I was annoyed so I haven’t been able to take them.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo groaned and threw her head in her hands. “Brendon!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I’m sorry! I told you so you could possibly help!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed and printed out another prescription. “I will be giving this to Sarah. And you will be SUPERVISED when taking the medication, and you will NOT know where they’re kept so you CANNOT throw them out. That was so reckless of you Brendon! You just got out of the hospital and not taking your meds is practically a one way ticket back in there!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started crying. “I know it was stupid, okay!? I feel horrible about it!” I sobbed. “I just wanted you to help me! I didn’t realise I was going to be shouted out for mistakes I feel horrible about!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed. “I’m sorry for shouting Brendon, you can just be rather frustrating at times.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I know. I’m just a pain, okay? We’ve discussed this so many times before.” I cried lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you’re not a pain. Just promise me you won’t throw out your meds again, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I didn’t mean to. I do want to get better, but this just feels like a constant war with no end. That’s why I was so annoyed, and ended up throwing them out.” I tried to explain. “God, nevermind. I’m just stupid.” I said, dramatically throwing my head into my hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, please, it will get easier as long as you take the medication. Throwing them out is not going to help at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I just slumped into the chair and banged my head on the table. “Just make it stop...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, please don’t bang your head. That’s not going to help. I can’t just ‘make it stop’, so to speak, but I can help you with the medication.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, okay?” I said, looking at her. “I just need a distraction from this screwed up reality, and sadly, pain is usually the easiest way to distract myself.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I think I suggested this before, but I think you should look into using music as a relief. Many patients say that it is the one thing that saved them, and I highly recommend that you give it a try.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but I’ve been doing it for so l-long and I’m still here! It’s not helping!” I picked up a nearby tissue box and flung it at the wall of the room in frustration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, Brendon please. I know it’s frustrating, but please try and keep a level head. I don’t want to have you readmitted, but if you continue on this spiral of anger it might be where we’re heading.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I paused and sat back down on the couch. “P-please don’t s-send me back to the h-hospital!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I need you to try to maintain your anger. I’d hate to see you there again.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I reached to grab something else off of the table before stopping myself. “This is horrible!” I exclaimed. “I just don’t know what to do with myself!” I slumped into the couch and started picking at it as some form of nervous habit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo opened a top desk drawer and threw me a stress ball. “Here, take this. Brendon, do you think your ADHD is flaring up again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I hope not.” I said, fiddling with the ball in my hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re squirming in your seat.” She stated. “Do you want me to prescribe you some ritalin for the time being?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I-I’ll be fine.” I said, making a conscious effort to stop squirming. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed and printed me another prescription. “Our time is up I’m afraid. Come with me, let’s go see Sarah. We have a few things to discuss with her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I-I’m not sure if I want her to h-hate me just yet.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to make her hate you, Brendon. I’ll lightly explain what you did, discuss the psychologist for Kaitlyn, with the possibility of the diagnosis, then I’ll give her these prescriptions and you can be on your way. You can keep the ball if you’d like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded lightly. “O-okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I followed her, keeping close until we met up with Sarah. I just bowed my head in silence, not wanting to partake in the conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She listened quietly as Dr Jo gave her the referral to a psychologist for Kaitlyn, and looked nervously at the ground as she explained the chance that Kaitlyn could possibly have PTSD. She gave me a glare when Dr Jo told her that I’d thrown my medications out, and nodded slightly as she explained my ADHD was flaring up again too. She took the prescriptions, and we left without a word to each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the car, I was sick of the silence. “I’m sorry.” I mustered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed. “I wish you’d told me Bren. I wouldn’t get mad. I have a copy of the prescription, I could’ve gone out and gotten you more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I was embarrassed.” I flustered. “And I-I thought you would’ve have j-just gotten sick of dealing with me and l-left.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought I covered this Bren.” She said softly, a hint of sadness in her voice. “I won’t get sick of you, and I never will. I’ll never leave, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay, I guess. And the stupid ADHD is coming back to taunt me, because I wasn’t screwed up enough!” I growled, frustrated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon you’re not screwed up. You’re beautiful and amazing and I love you lots, just the way you are.” Sarah tried to reassure me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just wish I could finally live with some god damn peace!” I exclaimed angrily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please calm down Brendon.” Sarah whispered quietly, almost in fear of me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I slammed my fists against the dashboard. “What the hell did I do to deserve this!?” I curled up in the car seat as far as I could . “I-I’m sorry.” I flustered, picking up the stress ball from my lap and fidgeting mindlessly with it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah pulled over into a rest stop and stopped the car. “Talk to me Brendon. Please, just tell me what’s wrong so I can help!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just, I’m just really frustrated Sarah!” I exclaimed. “I’m going in circles! I’m not getting anywhere! And I never am going to get anywhere, because PTSD can’t be cured! This hell is going to be for the rest of my life and I’m never going to get better! And now that my ADHD is back, ARGH! It’s just one problem after the other!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, Brendon, you will get better. You know that.” Sarah tried to tell me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In haste I unbuckled my seatbelt and climbed out of the car, running into the nearby park. Sarah chased me, but she couldn’t match my speed as I raced through the forest and climbed up into the tallest tree I could see.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’M NOT GETTING BETTER SARAH!” I screamed. “I’M NEVER GETTING BETTER!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, Please come down!” She begged, standing at the bottom underneath me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’M GONNA JUMP!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon please come down!” Sarah begged, her face the very definition of fear. “Brendon! Please! I need you! Kaitlyn needs you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t need me!” I called back, tears beginning to stream down my face. “I’m only making your life hard! It’ll all be over in a few seconds!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon!” Sarah sobbed. “Brendon come down!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I inched closer to the end of the branch, the shaking causing me to grab onto another branch for stability. Sarah looked terrified, and she continued sobbing, begging me to come down, providing false answers about how she needed me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go away Sarah! You don’t need to see this!” I shouted, my foot leaving the end of the branch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then Sarah did something completely unexpected.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She ran under me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“NO!” I screamed, but it was too late. My body weight fell on hers, and we both fell to the ground. I didn’t die. In fact, the only injury on me was a small graze on my leg.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I scrambled to climb off Sarah. She was lying face down in the dirt, and she wasn’t moving. I felt my heart rate begin to climb.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah?! SARAH?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I rolled her over and brushed the dirt off of her face, shaking her and screaming at her to wake up. But she didn’t. I dug my hand around in her wrists until I found a pulse. It was there, but it was weak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I scrambled for my phone and dialed Dr Jo. She answered nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon? You just left. What’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah!” I panted hysterically. “Sarah’s knocked out! What do I do?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?! How did this happen Brendon, talk to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears welled in my eyes. “I-I tried t-to j-jump out o-of a t-tree, a-and she r-ran under m-me and I-I f-fell on h-her and n-now s-she’s p-passed out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m on my way Brendon, where are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-Parkinson’s P-Park.” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Parkinson’s road? My god Brendon. I know you’re not going to like this, but I think you have to drive down Parkinson’s road. You’ve got to get her to the hospital.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t! Not n-now! N-not when she’s l-like this! I-I c-can’t handle th-that much p-panic!” I shrieked. “W-what i-if she d-dies?” I mustered, crying at the thought. “I-I need her!”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I'm coming. But you need to get her to the car, alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay. Pl-please be quick.” I stumbled over my words in a fit of pure panic. “I-I n-need her to be o-okay. Pl-please!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm coming Brendon. I'm coming right now. Can you get Sarah to the car please?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I dropped my phone and picked Sarah up, running her over to the car.  I ran back and got my phone, hoping Dr Jo hadn’t hung up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-hello?” I called anxiously. “A-are you still th-there?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I’m going to hang up now, okay? I need to focus on driving.” Dr Jo said before she hung up. I just sat beside the car, still horribly shaken, not knowing how to relax.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few minutes later, a white mitsubishi pulled up beside my car. Dr Jo climbed out, and raced over towards me. Sarah was sitting in the passenger side where I had placed her, her head lolling slightly to one side in her unconscious state.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m scared…..” I mumbled. “D-Do you know if sh-she’s okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have to go to the hospital Brendon.” Dr Jo told me. “And we need to take Parkinson’s road.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-then go!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you just jumped out of a tree. I’m not leaving you here alone. Move Sarah to the backseat and make sure she’s breathing. I’ll drive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m going to m-make it w-worse! J-just leave me h-here, o-okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled me up off of the ground. “Sarah needs to be moved away, she could fall onto me as the driver and cause a crash. Now, Brendon. Get in the car. I’m not going without you, so if you want her to be okay, then you better get in the car.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hastily moved Sarah into the back and climbed into the passenger seat. “G-go…” I directed nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need the keys, Brendon.” Dr Jo said as she climbed into the driver's seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I dropped the keys in her lap, knowing my shaking hands would fail at getting them anywhere else. Dr Jo started the car and I began hyperventilating as she pulled onto Parkinson’s road.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Dr J-Jo I w-wanna g-get out!” I screamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon! Just shut your goddamn eyes and deal with it! Your wife is potentially seriously injured!” She snapped, not taking her eyes off of the road for a second.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I clenched my eyes shut as best as I could, squeezing the stress ball that I had found in the cupholder. Sarah didn’t say anything about it, but this was probably the worst reaction I’d had on Parkinson’s since, well, years ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-!” I tried to say before I was interrupted with images of the crash all over again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dammit Brendon.” Dr Jo mumbled, turning the radio on. “Focus on this, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And now that you’re gone, I’m aloooooooone</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dammit!” She exclaimed, changing the station.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Dr J-Jo l-let me o-out!” I begged, grabbing the door handle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She leaned over for a second and pulled my hand away from the handle. “No! Okay?! You’re going to make this so much worse if you get hurt too!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’ll b-be better b-because I-I w-won’t be h-here!” I exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon! For the love of god, think about someone else for once!” She yelled. “Sarah would have no clue what the hell happened to you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears welled in my eyes. “C-can y-you t-take the t-turn o-off?” I asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine…” She growled in frustration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you’re my p-psychologist.” I whimpered. “Y-you’re s-supposed to h-help me w-with t-t-this, not s-shout at m-me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you weren’t supposed to knock out your wife! We can’t all be perfect Brendon!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started crying. “I-I’m sorry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, just try on focus on something else, anything else.” She sighed. “If you want to talk, I’m listening now, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m g-gonna go t-to j-jail for h-hurting S-Sarah!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know what’s going to happen Brendon. I can’t say you are but I can’t say you aren’t either. It just depends.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I broke out in another round of tears. “K-Kaitlyn i-is going t-t-to b-be sent a-away and t-then I-I’m going t-to b-be alone b-because S-Sarah w-won’t love m-me because I-I h-hurt her!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed and made the turn off, not saying anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you’re not d-d-denying i-it!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I’m not child services, I can’t say what will happen to Kaitlyn and I’m not Sarah. If she feels justified leaving you then that’s her decision.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sobbed uncontrollably the rest of the way to the hospital. Dr Jo parked the car, and made me carry Sarah inside. The doctors took her away to run tests, and I sat in the waiting room, my head in my hands as I cried over what I had done.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, talk to me. I know you don’t want to, but I need to know what’s going on.” Dr Jo instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m k-killing my f-family!” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, please. We don’t know anything. By what I’ve heard, you didn’t even mean to endanger her at all. She put herself in that position Brendon. Do you know why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stared at my empty hands. “I-I told h-her to l-leave!” I sobbed. “S-she r-ran under m-me! B-but I s-still j-jumped!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well let's talk about that. Why did you jump?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-because I w-was m-mad. I-I was m-mad b-because I-I keep m-messing up a-and I-I’m n-not g-getting b-better and t-that frustrates m-me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “It seems like you just blow everything up to extremes in a fit of anger then act on pure impulse. Did you think much about this before it happened Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “N-not r-really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do realise that that’s the easiest way to make regrettable mistakes, right Brendon?  You need to work on thinking things through.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I know that!” I snapped, before sighing and running a hand through my greasy hair. “I-I just, I-I just d-don’t want to g-get a-angry a-at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m aware of that Brendon, but this sort of anger, these fits don’t just disappear. It takes time, which is probably your least favourite thing in the world.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned. “I-I want to g-go home n-now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really, do you really? Because your wife is in there and you still have no clue what’s wrong. I think you can take some responsibility and wait this one out Brendon, instead of running away.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just w-wish i-it had n-never happened!” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Brendon Urie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo looked up. “Oh, hello officer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My shaking got immediately worse. “H-hello…” I stammered, terrified of what was to come.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you come with us please sir? We just want to ask you a few questions.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and stood up nervously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The police officer turned to Dr Jo. “Who are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She cleared her throat. “I’m Brendon’s psychologist. I thought it might be good to have me there, considering that he is, well, having a bit on an anxiety attack right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that so? Will he be able to go through with the questioning?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Should be. Shall we proceed?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Of course. Is there anything we should take into consideration?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Post-traumatic stress disorder.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Thank you for this information.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They began walking me through the hospital to a small police branch. They took me into an interrogation room, and sat me down at the metal table. My shaking worsened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what d-do y-you w-want to kn-know o-officer?” I stammered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re just going to talk a little bit about what happened with you and Sarah, okay? Nothing scary, we’ll go slow. We’ll start with, where were you when Sarah was knocked out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-we were at P-Parkinson’s P-park.” I stuttered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what were you doing there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-we were driving b-back from my th-therapy session and I-I was h-having a meltdown in the c-car so she p-pulled over to t-tend to me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why were you melting down?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-well I had j-just g-gotten s-some news I w-wasn’t really h-happy about and r-recently Dr J-Jo admitted I w-wouldn’t heal completely so I was st-stressed, I suppose.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And how was Sarah reacting?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-she w-was a bit sc-scared because I was y-yelling…” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Were you angry at her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “If I-I was angry at anyone, it w-was Dr Jo. Sh-she was just unlucky enough to b-be there when I sn-snapped, I guess.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Let’s talk about what happened at the park. What were you and Sarah doing when she got knocked out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-” I tried to answer before I began crying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Deep breaths, Mr Urie. I need you to answer these questions. Would you like some water?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “P-please.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He left the room and returned a few moments later with a cup of water, which I drank greedily from.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Can you answer the question of what you and Sarah were doing when she was knocked out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I was attempting to c-commit suicide….” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He paused for a moment and looked at me. “Suicide?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded glumly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Can you answer how Sarah was knocked out, if </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>were the one trying to commit suicide?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I was jumping and sh-she st-stood under me. I-it’s my fault!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where were you jumping from?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-A tree….” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what was Sarah doing when you were in the tree?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sh-she was b-begging me to come d-down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And why did you jump then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-because in my mind, th-the decision I m-made was the r-right one.” I mumbled. “B-but it wasn’t b-because now S-Sarah is h-hurt!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we’ll talk to you again soon. Thank you for this information Mr Brendon Urie. You may leave.” He instructed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked nervously out of the room and retraced my steps back to where Dr Jo was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m back.” I murmured, slumping into the chair before I began crying again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned to face me. “What’s up Brendon?” She asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m going to go to j-jail!” I wept. “I-I don’t want to go to j-jail!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon,” She sighed, taking my hand. “You wouldn’t be sent to jail. You would be sent to…...You’d go to a mental institution Brendon. You’d be withdrawn from society.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I blanked out and felt all colour drain from my face. “O-Oh.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, it’s okay. Don’t think about that. You look like you are going to be sick.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I covered my mouth and ran into the nearest bathroom. I threw up into the toilet and just slumped against the stall door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard someone enter the bathroom. “Brendon? Where are you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I made a small whimpering noise. “I-isn’t this a m-men’s bathroom?” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s unisex Brendon.” I heard her knock on the door. “Can you open the door?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked down at my shaking hands. “I-I don’t th-think so. I’m s-sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Brendon. Are you okay for me to unlock it? A doctor gave me a master key.” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yeah.” I mustered. “P-Please.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard the door unlock so I moved out of the way. She helped me up and flushed the toilet behind me before taking me to wash up at the sink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling?” She asked, though I’m sure she had an idea of the answer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m terrified!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would it make you feel a bit better if I told you that they were able to regulate Sarah’s vitals, and that she’ll be okay Brendon?” She asked. “She has a concussion, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“R-really? Sh-She’ll be okay?” I asked, checking for genuinity. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took me into her arms. “She is Brendon. I know it’s scary, but she’ll be okay. You should be able to see her soon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I unknowingly began crying, more so of happiness now. “I-I’m sorry.” I said, smiling slightly and wiping my tears away. “I’m just glad.”</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0041"><h2>41. Chapter 40- Ever Since We Met (Part 2)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“S-Sarah?” I asked nervously, unsure if she could even hear me.  As far as I know, being unconscious means you can’t but I was still willing to try. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat beside her and held her hands, feeling ridiculously guilty that she was in here. “I-I’m so, so sorry S-Sarah. I w-wish I d-didn’t have to s-see you like this.” I cried lightly, squeezing her hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I watched as her eyelids flickered open slightly, adjusting to the light. “S-Sarah!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Brendon?” She asked in return.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry Sarah! I’m so, so sorry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, hold up. Why are you sorry?” She asked comfortingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m the reason y-you’re here!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo then walked in. “Oh, hello Sarah. You’re awake faster than the doctors expected. It’s good to see you’re well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “It’s good to see you too. Can you explain what’s going on?” Sarah asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Dr Jo responded. “After you two left my office, Brendon must’ve asked you to stop the car or something, I’m not sure but I believe next Brendon attempted suicide by jumping off of a tree in an emotional fit but you stood under him and saved him in a way. You were left with a concussion and they think you may have broken your radius. He then called me and I helped him get you here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Brendon? I-Is that what h-happened?” She asked hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded in guilt. “I-I’m so sorry!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She squeezed my hand. “Brendon, it was my choice, okay? And I don’t regret the choice. I want you to understand that.” She assured. “I’m not mad Brendon. I’m okay now, and you’re okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears streamed down my face. “Y-you're n-not okay, y-you're in t-the h-hospital!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I’m in the hospital, I’m getting better, you know that. I’m going to be fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah y-you're going t-to leave m-me because I-I hurt y-you!” I sobbed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I’m not going to leave. I wouldn't have done any of that if I didn’t love you. Why would I leave you now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Because y-you're h-hurt and I-I h-hurt y-you!” I cried. “T-they're g-gonna l-lock me u-up for i-it!”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah just looked me in the eyes. “Brendon, I don’t care that you hurt me Brendon, you didn’t mean it at all. And if you do get locked up, I’ll still be here, supporting you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-they're g-gonna p-put me I-in an a-asylum Sarah! I-I'm s-scared!” I wailed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you’re scared Brendon. You just need to work through it. We can’t change what happened now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then her expression changed. “Have you checked on Kaitlyn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I-I’ve been w-worrying about y-you! Sh-She doesn’t even know y-you’re here.” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah gulped nervously. “Bren, I know you’re worried about me, but I’m fine. You need to go and see Kaitlyn. Remember this morning how panicked she was when we weren’t there? You need to go and see her. Tell her that I’m okay, I’m just downstairs and I’ll be there as soon as I can, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-What am I supposed to say? That I got you into h-hospital?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, just say that there was an accident and I’m downstairs. Let her know the only thing I've got is a concussion and a sprained wrist, because she'll worry herself to death if you're not clear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay. I-I’ll be back, I g-guess.” I said, slowly walking out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo accompanied me as I walked upstairs to the psychiatric ward. I could hear Kaitlyn crying from the end of the corridor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ran into her room and sat by her side. “I’m so sorry Kaitlyn! I’m sorry I wasn’t here!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Brendon!” She sobbed, wrapping me in a hug. “I-I thought y-you'd a-abandoned m-me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry little worm. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here. I didn’t mean for it to seem like I had abandoned you. Things just got in the way.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-where’s Sarah?” She asked, looking around the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sh-she’s downstairs.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-there was a bit of an accident. B-but she’s fine. She’s just got  a small concussion and a sprained wrist. She said she’ll be here as soon as she can.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-This is a-all m-my fault!” She cried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not your fault at all Kaitlyn. Please don’t think that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-If I w-wasn’t i-in the h-hospital, a-and then y-you and S-S-Sarah would b-be at h-home and s-she w-wouldn’t be h-hurt!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Kaitlyn, there is still a chance it could’ve happened. Please, don’t blame it on yourself.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She burst into tears again. “B-Brendon I-I’m r-ruining your l-life! A-and S-sarah’s t-too!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I held her tightly. “Please, Kaitlyn. I’m ruining our lives more than you are, please little worm, just hold on for me.” I tried to soothe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She started yanking at her hair. “B-Brendon y-you s-should l-leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled her hands away. “I’m not leaving. Talk to me Kaitlyn.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her crying increased in intensity. “B-Brendon g-get out!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn!” I called, becoming more urgent. “Please, just tell me what’s happening so I can help!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tried to pull her hands from my grip. “G-Get Out!” She shouted. “P-Please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you want me to leave so badly?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-because I-I’m r-ruining y-you! I-I don’t w-want t-to m-make life h-hard for y-you anymore! L-Leave m-me a-alone!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then I’m not leaving.” I stated sternly. “I’m not leaving until you realise how amazing you are. I don’t care how long it takes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She continued yanking her hands, trying to get them out of my grip. “L-Leave B-Brendon! P-Please!” She begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not leaving. I need you to try to calm down, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I thought that might help, but instead it did the opposite. Having exhausted her options, she leaned back, opened her mouth, and screamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I had no clue how to react. I merely sat there helpless and cried as Dr Jo took my place. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn ran out of breath, and now that her hands had been returned to her, she resumed her routine and was almost pulling her hair out. She sobbed uncontrollably, tucked up in a tight ball as she inflicted as much pain as she could on herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon! Get a doctor!” Dr Jo instructed. “Now!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I scrambled to my feet and raced out of the room, running around the psychiatric ward until I found a doctor standing near another door. I ran over, out of breath, and rasped the best thing I could say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doctor….Room 385….Urgent!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I lead him to the room and opened the door, getting out of the way so he could help Kaitlyn. I didn’t see much before I was pushed outside, but Kaitlyn had only gotten worse, and it had reached the point where I could see clumps of black hair scattered around the bed, that she had obviously yanked out of her skull.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo found me outside. “B-Brendon?” She asked, the most nervous I had ever seen her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-how is s-she?” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to sugar coat it, she’s horrible. I came out here to ask if we have your permission to restrain her for the time being.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“R-restraints? K-Kaitlyn?” I asked, memories of the fear of being restrained myself coming back to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon?” She asked, still waiting. “Can we? It seems like we need to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can you a-ask S-Sarah?” I asked, hoping I wouldn’t have to make this decision.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Get up. You’re coming with me.” She directed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what a-are you d-doing w-with me?” I asked, slightly terrified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re going to see Sarah. You can see how a responsible parent makes decisions.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“G-gee thanks.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on. Sarah will agree with me. Let’s go before it gets much worse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“FINE!” I shouted, a little louder than I had intended.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She raced down to Sarah’s room, me trailing closely behind. We got into Sarah’s room and she looked alarmed seeing us burst in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn is having a horrible fit Sarah, we came to ask if we have your permission to restrain her for the time being.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah straightened up. “H-how bad is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well it’s not pretty. When we left, she was pulling her hair out and before that she was begging Brendon to leave.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course you can restrain her then.” Sarah said nervously. “Should I come? I should come...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think you’re well enough?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded, pulling herself out of the bed and standing next to me, dressed in hospital scrubs. “I feel fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. If you feel unwell, just tell us.” Dr Jo stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo lead her to Kaitlyn’s room where doctors were rushing in and out. Dr Jo went in, leaving us outside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-are you s-sure you’re o-okay to b-be here?” I asked Sarah nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course Brendon. I need to be here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you’re s-shaking.” I noted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but I can’t just leave when people need me. It’s not like it’s serious, much.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I put my arm around her and helped her to the floor. “S-Sarah, you’re injured. You need to t-take care of yourself as much a-as you n-need to t-take care of Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry. It’s cool, I’ll be okay.” She responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright.” I mumbled worriedly. “Just tell me if you’re feeling sick, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will Brendon, but I’ll be fine, I promise.” She assured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo walked back out to us, her head in her hands. She looked, defeated. I stood up to face her. Sarah went to do the same, but I put a hand on her shoulder and made sure that she stayed sitting, standing wasn’t doing her much good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up doc?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know. I don’t know at all.” She slid down the wall and sat beside Sarah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you’ve got t-to know s-something!” I begged. “P-please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t Brendon! I’m sorry! I’ve never seen anything much like this at all! I just don’t know what to do!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who does then?!” I asked. “One of the people in there has to know something!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, if we knew what was going on, there wouldn’t be so many people. They’d maybe be one or two who are treating her, but we don’t know how to. They’re still trying to decode it.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what does it look like?” Sarah asked. “Is it still depression, or d-do you think i-it’s maybe s-something worse?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s definitely worse. I can’t even try to diagnose it.” She admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah buried her head in her hands. “What should we do? Do you think if she saw us it would help?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know. You can try?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah got up off of the ground, and nodded. “We’ll try. That’s the least we can do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded in defeat. “If you feel unsafe at all, come right back out. They were having troubles restraining her.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you doc.” She said, pushing the door open and walking in. I nervously followed her, a bit scared of what I would find.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I saw more of her hair lying on the ground and three doctors trying to hold her down as they tried to tighten the restraints. She was screaming, forcing against them, and crying horribly. Sarah gasped, and I felt all the blood drain from my face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stood like a pole in the corner as Sarah walked over to Kaitlyn, gently stroking what was left of her hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m here bub. I’m here. Calm down, shhhhh. It’s okay. I’m here now.” She soothed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“GET ME OUT OF HERE!” She screamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, I know you want to leave, but you just need to stop forcing against the straps first, okay? We’re trying to help you, we’re trying to get you home, but we can’t if you’re not working with us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“THEY’RE GOING TO TRAP ME! THIS ISN’T GETTING ME HOME! THIS IS STOPPING ME FROM LEAVING!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please bub, just take a deep breath. We’re not going home now, okay? But you’ll be here a lot longer if you don’t let them help you.” Sarah pleaded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-BUT…..I-it’s scary!” She whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I know.” Sarah soothed. “But I’m here now, I’ll protect you. And so will Brendon, okay? As long as you’re with us, you’re safe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t f-feel safe.” She stammered, terrified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you tell me why?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Because of the st-straps, and all the p-people r-running around!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The straps are there to keep you safe.” Sarah explained. “They’re to stop you from getting hurt. The people are just trying to find out how to help you, how to help you feel better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn began crying. “W-will I get better though S-Sarah? B-Because it s-seems like I’m a l-lost cause.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course you’ll get better bub. I promise.” Sarah soothed. “It won’t be immediate, I’m afraid, but I’m going to do everything I can to make sure that it happens.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” She laid completely still on the bed and clenched her eyes shut as the doctors restrained her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you bub. Thank you so much.” Sarah said, trying to alleviate some of her stress. “You’re doing a great job.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-it’s r-really tight m-mom!” She whimpered, scared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know, but they’ll be off soon. You just need to calm down for me, okay? Big, deep breaths. Once you’re calm, they’ll remove the restraints.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took forced, exaggerated breaths in attempts to relieve her heart rate. She was still terrified, but focusing on something else seemed to help slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Relax, Kaitlyn. Please, just relax. Focus on me, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m trying!” She replied, panting slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. You’re doing good.” Sarah soothed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo walked in and stood next to me. “Sarah is a miracle worker!” She exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled slightly. “I try.” She replied, still focusing on Kaitlyn. “That’s it bub, just like that. You’re doing good.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what did the doctor’s say?” I asked Dr Jo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They still aren’t sure. I have some ideas, I’m just not sure.” She admitted. “Hopefully that was nothing more than  a fit and doesn’t happen often.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what are the ideas?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I shall counter that with a question. Has she had any form of traumatic experience involving being trapped that may have set off the fear of restraints part of it all?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “She mentioned an experience where she’d been locked in a closet for a whole day. Supposedly she had a panic attack in there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm. I’m still not sure how the hair pulling comes into all of this. It just seems like an extreme she took. I have a very loose diagnosis if you are interested in hearing it now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I believe she may have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with depression that has stemmed from that. There is still more to consider, but I feel that that is a valid diagnosis at this point.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “So she’s going to have to deal with the same hell that I do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn perked up. “Wh-what? D-dad?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing.” I blurted out quickly, not realising that she was listening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-dad? W-what are you h-hiding from m-me?” She pushed on, her voice shaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, I’m not hiding anything little worm.” I tried to say firmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She began crying. “M-mom? I-is this what y-you and G-Gerard were t-talking about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked up at Sarah. “You and Gerard? What were you talking about with Gerard?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We were discussing your episode….” Sarah admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“E-episode?!” Kaitlyn asked. “W-what episode?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to interject before Dr Jo stepped in. “Kaitlyn, Brendon suffers from PTSD. He also has depression from that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell!” I snapped. “Why did you have to tell her?! I was going to, but right now?! Don’t you think she has enough on her plate?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon! You are the reason we are here. You brought it up, you peaked her interest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought she was busy with Sarah! I was dragging the conversation away, before you just go and blurt it out!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn looked horribly distressed. “I-I’m s-sorry.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you apologising?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m the reason y-you are all f-fighting. I-I should have ignored i-it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, bub, it’s not your fault. I think we, er, have some more things to explain while we’re on this topic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at Dr Jo. “A-Are you his th-therapist? I-Is that how you m-met Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo nodded. “Yes, actually. I’ve been Brendon’s psychologist for almost 7 years now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-wait…” She murmured as she pieced it together. “I-Is that why y-you’re always away B-Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” I mumbled. “New York was the mental institution, or here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Oh. A-And S-Sarah?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about me bub?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-Was B-Brendon your d-depressed friend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Yeah, he is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why d-did you h-hide it from me B-Brendon?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “I-It’s a long story.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-So y-you know wh-what’s h-happening to m-me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo squirmed awkwardly. “We have a rough idea, but Kaitlyn, your condition isn’t a common one, and quite frankly, the doctors and I are baffled.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Oh.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry bub, they’ll figure it out.” Sarah assured her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I hope so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo nodded. “We may have to run some psychological testing. It should work out though, don’t worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-What does th-that consist of?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll just be talking about things. Nothing scary.” Dr Jo explained. “Although you probably won’t be talking to me. I’m your father’s psychologist, not yours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t l-like strangers…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise you Kaitlyn, you’ll be talking to somebody who you feel comfortable talking to. If not, we’ll find you someone else. We can go on for almost 10 people if you need. Don’t be scared, it’s not a scary thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It s-sounds scary though…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve done it.” I mumbled. “I was scared too. It’s boring.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what do they ask?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Normal therapy stuff. Just asking you about things about your feelings and all that crap.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked nervous. “W-what if I m-mess up?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t really mess up these things.” Dr Jo explained. “The worst you can do is lie, but the only person that’s going to hurt is you. If you’re honest, then you have succeeded, no matter what the results are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t wanna be crazy!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not crazy.” Sarah assured her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-will I have to g-go the therapy a-all the time?”” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Considering what I’ve seen, you will be going to therapy quite a lot.” Dr Jo said. “But as you better, the amount of therapy will reduce.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is there anything else I should know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At that moment, Sarah began to look a little dizzy. I walked over to her side and put my arm around her in case she fell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, are you okay?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, fine.” She mumbled, gripping the side of the bed for some more support.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you don’t l-look f-fine.” Kaitlyn stuttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should probably get you back downstairs.” Dr Jo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, I’m alright.” Sarah said, pushing me away. “I’m fine. Just a little woozy, I think they gave me some funny medications.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, we’re getting you back downstairs, okay? That’s where you need to be right now.” I stated firmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “No, No. I can stay.” She tried to assure, almost tripping on her own feet, despite holding onto the bed. She then collapsed onto the floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ran over to her side. “Sarah?” I called, lightly shaking her. She turned slightly at my touch before falling limp in my arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take her, Brendon. I’ll be here.” Dr Jo instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I lifted Sarah up in my arms and with some struggle, took her to back to her room. A doctor followed behind me after seeing the state she was in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-she passed out while v-visiting our daughter.” I explained. The doctor merely nodded before leading me out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wandered back into Kaitlyn’s room and she looked horribly sad. “What’s wrong little worm?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked helplessly at me. “I-I made m-myself look u-ugly!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave her a sympathetic smile in return. “I promise you aren’t ugly. You’re prettier than me for crying out loud! If it’s about the hair little worm, don’t worry, but I promise you, you are plenty beautiful.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “I-I don't e-even remember w-why I s-started t-tearing it o-out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, it was scary for all of us. We don’t expect you to understand all of it. We don’t even understand it well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s my h-head.” She said. “I s-should k-know. B-but I d-don't.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, I know it seems like you should know exactly what’s going on, but sadly, that’s never how it works. You just need to hold on and work through it.” I explained. “It’s going to be really scary for a really long time, but I promise, things will get better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m s-scared D-Dad.” She whimpered. “T-they’ve t-tied m-me down a-and e-e-everything!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s going to okay. The restraints are really scary little worm, but I promise they can help. I know it might be hard, but it’s easier if you try to ignore it.” I explained lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can you t-take them o-off?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The doctors will probably take when they come back. You’re doing much better now Kaitlyn. We’ll just have to see.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can we j-just do i-it n-now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, we have to wait. I’d love to take them off, but we could get in trouble. The doctors determine whether or not they come off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She started forcing against them. “P-Please Dad! P-please!” She begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt tears forming. “I know how scary it is, but I need you to pretend they aren’t there, okay? Focus on me. We can talk about anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-they’re s-strangling m-me!” She sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stroked her hair. “I know, I know, but I can’t do anything about it. Try to calm down and it might hurt a bit less.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“G-get t-them o-off m-me B-Brendon!” She panicked, her breathing starting to quicken.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please little worm. Please calm down.” I begged. “You’re only make it worse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“DAD!” She screamed in desperation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed her hands. “I’m here little worm. Please, just breathe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t with th-the st-straps!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re not that tight! I’ve had worse!” I tried to assure, although it seemed to make it worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-they get t-tighter?!” She panicked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not for you. This is as tight as they get.” I tried to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears were streaming down her face. “P-please get me out!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“K-Kaitlyn I’m sorry, but I can’t!” I apologised. “If I could, I would in a heartbeat, but I can’t!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then wh-what can you d-do!?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-nothing! I-I’m sorry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you’re useless!” She cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I know!” I sobbed. “I-I’m so s-sorry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“F-find someone who c-can! I-I’m scared and I n-need out!” She pleaded</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“K-Kaitlyn I want t-to, but I-I’m s-scared t-to and I-I h-hate t-to say i-it, but I t-think you n-need to s-stay in t-the r-restraints” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-sing.” She mumbled so I could barely hear it. “P-please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sing? What do you want me to sing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-anything! P-please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sang that first thing that popped into my head. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>When the world gets too heavy, put in on my back. I’ll be your levy. You are taking me apart like bad glue on a get well card. It was always you, falling for me,now there’s always time, calling for me. I’m the light, blinking at the end of the road. Blink back to let me know.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Her tears turned to sniffles. “Th-thanks, d-dad.” She responded quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s okay little worm. I can sing whenever you want, I guess. One of the benefits of having a voice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-that helped m-more than I thought it w-would.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt a small ounce of pride worm it’s way through me. “I’m glad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m s-sorry.” She murmured. “I’m r-really sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be sorry. I know it’s not your fault, and I know that you can’t really control it. I guess that’s what happens now that you know about me, I guess I can be a bit more open.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-when th-they were t-talking about the electric thing, d-did you h-have that too?” She questioned nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded awkwardly. “Twice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-how was it? D-did it h-hurt? W-were you s-scared?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was scared going in, yes. I can’t say it hurt, or how it was actually, because I was asleep the whole time, as you will be.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-and when you w-woke up again?” She continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had a bit of a headache, but that goes away, and then I generally felt a lot happier.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I still d-don’t w-want it. I-It’s still scary.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I know it seems scary now, but I promise once it’s happened, the only difference you’ll have noticed is that you feel better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-will you be there w-when I w-wake up?” She stammered, nervous. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course I will be.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m s-sorry for calling you useless. I-I love you so m-much.” She apologized. “P-please don’t h-hate me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, I don’t hate you. I love you too little worm, more than you could ever know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I missed having actual p-parents…” She trailed off. “Th-thank you for t-taking care of me d-dad.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s no problem.” I said. Then I paused. “I-I’m really sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why are you apologising?” She asked, slightly confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “B-because it’s a-all my f-fault that y-you d-didn’t g-get to g-grow up w-with r-real p-parents.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but they died in a cr-crash. It’s not your fault Brendon!” She tried to comfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but i-it is!” I exclaimed. “F-first I k-killed t-them, a-a-and then I-I d-didn’t t-take you i-in!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, p-please don’t be s-sad. It’s okay th-that you didn’t t-take me in, I would e-either but d-don’t be sad, b-because that make m-me sad.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled a tissue from the box beside her bed and blew my nose. “K-Kaitlyn I o-owe y-you the b-biggest a-apology in the w-world.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No you don’t!” She said, smiling slightly. “You’ve given me a home, and a family Brendon. There is nothing you haven’t compensated for.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I s-single handedly r-ruined your l-life!” I exclaimed. “Y-you were t-too young t-to understand a-at the t-time, b-but i-if you knew, y-you’d never w-want to t-talk to m-me again!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then don’t tell me Brendon, because I really like you. But please, try to be happy. I don’t know how, but you must be able to in some shape or form.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I slumped into the nearby chair. “I-I just f-feel like e-everything th-that’s h-happened can all be d-drawn back t-to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then let’s talk about something else. What about rain. What do you think of rain? I think it’s nice because although it gets all dark, everything gets so bright afterwards!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly. “The rain makes the plants grow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you like flowers? What’s your favourite flower Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably tulips. How about you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm, maybe hibiscus?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re pretty.” I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm…” She said, looking around the room. “I don’t know what to ask.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I considered for a moment. “Can you tell me about about your childhood? I’m just...I want to know a bit about what life was like for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well what do you want to know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Anything you want to tell. Anything that happened that might be cool, or interesting, or what kind of things did you get up to as a kid?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, well at one point, I was going to this elementary school, I was only there for a year, but they had this little talent show set up and I participated in that. Is that cool?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “That’s cool. What did you do in the talent show?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I attempted to sing, like a lot of people.” She murmured. “Nothing special.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you like to sing?” I asked, my interest exceeding.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled slightly. “Umm, I guess?” She said, a small blush growing on her cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “That’s really cool. I do too, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-maybe you could t-teach me and w-we could be like singing b-buddies!” She proposed. “What am I saying?” She then countered glumly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “I’d like that little worm. We can totally be singing buddies.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but I’d ruin it Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “No you wouldn’t. Maybe we could start a band.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have a band already though, don't you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I can always be in another one. We can be… the worms!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She made a face. “Ew, Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I laughed. “Alright, what band names do you like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She giggled. “Well I really like the name Panic At The Disco.” She teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I laughed. “And we need an exclamation mark after Panic! Or else it won’t be good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s perfect!” She laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What should we call our first album?” I asked with a slight chuckle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm...” She pondered. “Psst! What’s your first album called?” She asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A fever you can’t sweat out.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about…..A fever you can’t sweat out?” She proposed jokingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Perfect! We’ll have a double platinum album in no time! What should we call the single?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um…” She looked genuinely nervous now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” I asked, my smile fading.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I should know this. Y-you are my d-dad after all.” She murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, I don’t mind that you don’t know it. It’s not like you’ve had years, you’ve only lived with us for a month or so, and considering I’ve been away so much and the conversations had tended to steer away from my music, it’s not expected.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you tell me about it though?”</span>
</p><p><span>“Well,” I said nervously. “It all started with a fever you can’t sweat out, which was released in 2005. The band members were myself,</span> <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ryan_Ross"><span>Ryan </span></a><span>Spencer</span><span> and Brent</span><span>. We were still all together for the release of Pretty. Odd. in 2008, which was cool. Then Ryan and Jon left, but we released Vices and Virtues in 2011. Then came Too weird to live, too rare to die in 2013 where we picked up Dallon, but he left soon after, and finally I released Death of a Bachelor as the sole member of Panic! In 2016. I haven’t released anything since, my mental state has sort of been holding me back.”</span></p><p>
  <span>“That’s a lot of stuff. It sounds really cool though. I want to hear more of your music. I’ve never really paid attention to it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “When you get out of here, I’ll give you a private concert.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blushed slightly. “Y-you don’t have to do that…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be fun. I haven’t played a show in just over a year. It’ll be nice to get back into it, I miss touring.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well maybe you could tour again? You have the music, you just might need to talk to some people. I don’t know anything about this, I shouldn’t be talking.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nervously tapped the arm rest of the chair. “I hate admitting this to you Kaitlyn, but I’m not stable enough to tour. I’m still in the middle of a relapse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh….” She mumbled. “I-I’m sorry for b-bringing it up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. I guess it’s better that you, well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-well, I probably shouldn’t ask, b-but, h-how are you? Are you okay?” She asked nervously. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t ask.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “Right now, I’m feeling alright. In general, not so good. Today hasn’t really been a good day for me, mental health wise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. It’s probably my fault. Can I make it any better?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not your fault. And I don’t think you can considering what happened, but just talking like this is really helping, so thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled much wider than before. “Okay! I’m glad I’m helping!” She beamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “How are you doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She bit the inside of her cheek while thinking. “I’m pretty good, I guess.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You guess? Is something up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but it’s nothing really.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s something. Tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well apparently you’re sad, and Sarah’s hurt and I’m just kind of worried, that’s all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I rubbed my eyes. “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked confused. “You apologise lots.” She commented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s because it’s my fault.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so.” She murmured. I was slightly relieved she didn’t push on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did you meet Gerard?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Gerard used to be in a very popular band called My Chemical Romance. His band and my band were very popular at around the same time, and we performed together a bunch of times at a bunch of festivals. We just became really good friends through that, and I guess we just stayed friends like that. It’s nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That's cool. I think I’ve heard of his band, actually. He’s nice though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “He is really nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have any other friends that you’ve met the same sort of way?” She asked, quite enjoying the topic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Patrick Stump.” I said with a smile. “Pete Wentz. Andy Hurley. Joe Trohman. The members of Fall Out Boy. They’re awesome. I think you’d really like them actually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think I’ll ever get to meet them?” She asked. “If they’re anything like you or Gerard, they’ll be super nice.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “They’re like family, I guess. They signed my band to their label, and pretty much discovered us. We toured with them back in 2013. And twenty one pilots too. You’ll like Josh and Tyler as well, they’re so cool, and they’re really popular right now too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Sounds cool.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled slightly. “I sound so popular right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do. I have like no friends, and you have like hundreds by the sounds of it!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s pretty much it.” I mumbled. “Tell me about your friends. Did you have many as a kid?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Not many people want to be friends with the kid in the group home. I had a couple, on and off. Lisa was probably my best friend, we were buddies for about 2 years. It was great, but Mrs never let me go out to see her outside of school or anything. It was sort of really sad when she moved to the netherlands last year.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure you’ll make some friends, if not, you have Gerard and that too. I’m certain people will be lining up to talk to you little worm.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I’m not really a person that many people want to be friends with. And now I’ve got the brain damage and now the disorder and I’ve just ugh!” She started to tear up. “I’m not the person that when you see then, you want to be friends with them. I’m just not a nice person to be friends with.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re an amazing person to friends with Kaitlyn. None of that matters. I promise you’ll find someone eventually.” I assured. “And if you don’t then you must go to school with some really silly people if they can’t see how awesome you are.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled and moved her head so she wasn’t facing me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really don’t know me then Brendon. If you did, you wouldn’t be saying that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well then enlighten me little worm. Explain why you think that.” I instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I expected her to start talking, but instead I heard her crying. It wasn’t as uncontrollable as before, and nowhere near as intense, but there was something just so damn </span>
  <em>
    <span>sad </span>
  </em>
  <span>about these sobs that sent a chill down my spine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay little worm?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded lightly. “C-can we talk about s-something else?” She asked, her tears slowing down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you tell me what’s wrong?” I asked gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ll just say that th-there is a hell of alot wr-wrong with me B-Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Little worm, there isn’t anything wrong with you. You’re beautiful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I thought that would help but it only really seemed to make it worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no. S-Sarah is b-beautiful. I-I’m just….eh?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t think of yourself like that. You’re so beautiful. It kills me that you can’t see it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Brendon, I get uglier day by day. And it’s always my fault too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not ugly little worm. You couldn’t be ugly if you tried.” I attempted to reassure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I wish G-Gretchen like b-broke my nose or something so I-I have a r-reason to reconstruct my face…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have a beautiful face!” I tried to defend. “Do you remember the first time we met? How I was standing there all stiff like a zombie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well y-yeah, b-but that’s because m-my parents were s-so pretty and I’m so ugly.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “No, Kaitlyn. That’s where you're wrong. The reason I was standing so still and shocked was because I was in awe, in </span>
  <em>
    <span>awe, </span>
  </em>
  <span>of how beautiful you were. I specifically remember thinking that someone had taken all the best parts of your parents and blended them together, making one of the most beautiful creatures in the universe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled slightly before quickly hiding it with a frown. “I-I’m sorry.” She muttered out of nowhere.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you sorry?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just realised you’ve had to see my ugly smile throughout this entire conversation…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have an ugly smile.” I said. “You have an amazing smile. It lightens the room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She mustered a slight smile and bit her lip. “Y-you think so?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “I really do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blushed. “I really wish I could cover my cheeks right now.” She murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled. “You have beautiful cheeks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tried to stifle a giggle. “I could punch you right now. Right in the bicep too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I held my arm up. “Go for it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tried to move, only for her arm to hit the cold metal clasp of the restraints. She bit down on her lip, trying to hold back the obvious tears that were forming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I c-can’t.” She sobbed lightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I slowly lowered my arm. “I’m so sorry little worm. That was mean of me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no, it wasn’t your fault….” She sniffled, the tears building up in her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was. I’m sorry little worm.” I said, lightly brushing some loose hair from her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can you s-sing again?” She asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure. Any requests?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm. I’m not sure. You said Gerard was in a band right? D-do you know any of th-their songs?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I laughed slightly. “Hesitant Alien or MCR?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which one is better for you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I know MCR lyrics better I suppose.” I admitted. “Shall we go with that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Sing whatever you want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I considered for a moment. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Sing it out, boy, you've got to see what tomorrow brings. Sing it out, girl, you've got to be what tomorrow needs.For every time that they want to count you out, use your voice every single time you open up your mouth.”</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Thank you Brendon. That’s a cool song.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is.” I chuckled lightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-thank you for s-singing to m-me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s no problem.” I assured. “I really enjoy it honestly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Singing is always fun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad you think so. So, hows your music discovery going? I haven’t heard much about it since the homework situation. Found any artists you like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She bit her lip. “I’ve strayed a slight from your band. There’s this one song I really like, I forget the band, but it’s called Holding On To You.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled lightly, most definitely confusing Kaitlyn. “That’s a good song.” I giggled lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you laughing?” She asked, studying my face for hints.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remember when I was talking about Tyler and Josh?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Your friends, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep. It seems you have stumbled into their music.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-do they m-make that song?” She questioned nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah they do. It’s cool that you like it.” I responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I r-really like their s-stuff.” She mumbled. “I-It’s w-weird now t-that you k-know them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry.” I mumbled, unsure as to how to respond.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-No, p-please don’t b-be s-sorry Brendon. W-we both a-apologise t-too much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just wasn’t sure wh-what to say…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway!” I responded cheerfully, trying to lighten the mood. “Is there anything else you want to talk about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “N-not really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to do then?” I asked as one of the doctors walked in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“G-go home.” She whimpered just loud enough for the doctor to hear, sort of as a subtle hint.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you can’t go home…” He interjected. “If Brendon gives us permission however, we can take off the restraints. So, Brendon? How do you think she is?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think she’s doing a lot better.” I said with a small smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor walked over to Kaitlyn’s side. “This tends to be easier if you’re still. Just sit tight.” He said, grabbing one of the clasps and began undoing it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn stayed as still as she could until all the restraints were removed. She smiled and ran her hands down her arms in relief, before wrapping me in a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-thank y-you B-Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. You give good hugs. Did you know that?” I chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She giggled. “So do you Dad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you wish to give me the punch that was delayed?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I don’t want to ever think of hurting you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it wasn’t serious, but trust me, I get very annoying. There’ll be moments that you probably will want to kill me in my sleep. Trust me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There will be moments when you want to do the same to me. You’ve experienced one already.” Kaitlyn shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to hurt you at all. Everything I’ve seen makes me want to keep you safe.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She snuggled further into me. “You’re really warm and snuggly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled. “Well I’m glad you think so.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Brendon?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up little worm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-Will you ever leave me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course not. I never want to see you go. I probably will have trouble letting you move out when you’re older.” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t wanna m-move out.” She admitted. “T-the thought o-of l-living b-by myself i-is s-scary.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then you don’t have to.” I assured. “Moving out is very scary, but if you have someone to move out with, it’s more fun and exciting.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled slightly. “T-thank you D-Dad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine.” I beamed. “As long as you’re happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She giggled. “I’m h-happy as l-long as y-you don’t l-leave m-me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked down at her. “Are you ticklish?” I asked playfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you dare Brendon!” She squealed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I began tickling her around her waist and arms. “I shall dare, because you are ticklish, and I love tickling!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laughed uncontrollably, before her laughs began to fade and turned to cries of pain. I stopped in shock, and memories that she had badly injured her ribs came back to me, and I felt awful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry little worm.” I said wrapping her in a hug. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s f-fine.” She sobbed into my shoulder. “I-I’m s-sorry f-for making a-a r-really b-big d-deal out o-of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s okay. I shouldn’t have hurt you at all.” I admitted. “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you d-didn’t m-mean to. I-It was a-an a-accident. D-d-don’t be s-sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I ever hurt you, tell me.” I instructed. “Don’t let anyone ever hurt you, not even me or Sarah. No one.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded tearfully. “O-Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to get some painkillers?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Y-yes p-please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked out of the room and caught a nurse’s attention. “Kaitlyn, in that room just there,” I pointed out, “Needs some painkillers for her sore ribs. Can you do that?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “We can do that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you so much!” I replied. The nurse smiled and walked off, leaving me to go back to the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn was sitting in the corner of the bed when I returned, looking at the clumps of black hair that littered the bed sheets. She had tears in her eyes, but was desperately trying to hold them in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked over to her and grabbed her hand. “It’s okay little worm.” I said, rubbing circles into the back of her palm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-didn’t r-realise i-it was t-this m-much!” She said, picking up a clump and running her fingers over it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay.” I tried to comfort. I felt horrible because I wasn’t able to help her much at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-how b-bad does m-my h-hair l-look?” She asked me nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I simply stayed silent, not wanting to lie, but not wanting to make her feel bad either. I knew she wanted and answer, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn let out a cry of despair. “I-It’s h-horrible, i-isn’t it?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, i-it’s fine!” I tried to state convincingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hugged me tightly, burying her face into my shirt. “B-Brendon I d-don’t w-want to h-have t-this h-hair! I-I j-just w-want it t-to look n-normal!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-don’t worry little worm. You will look normal, We’ll work it out, okay?  I promise.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m h-hideous!” She exclaimed, her hands finding their way to the little bits of hair that still remained on her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no! You’re beautiful little worm! I promise!” I tried to soothe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t respond, but her tears worsened and I pulled her hands away from her hair before she could inflict anymore damage. She obviously wasn’t happy with that, and she started trying to yank her hands away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn!” I said. “Please! Stop! If you start pulling your hair again, the restraints are going to have to go back on, okay? Please, just calm down for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She held her hands out to me. “H-hold them. D-don’t l-let them l-leave your grasp until you kn-know that I’m okay.” She instructed tearfully. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I’ll do that little worm. Now, can you take a deep breath for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She lightly nodded in return and began taking long, deep breaths into my chest. “H-how’s that?” She asked nervously between breaths.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s it. Good job. Keep doing that, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and curled herself further into me before resuming her breathing exercise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a couple of minutes, I spoke up. “Are you feeling better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Thanks.” She stated quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I slowly released her hands back to her. “You’ve got to stop that hair pulling business, okay? It scares the living daylights out of me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry. I-I don’t mean to.” She said, running her hand through what was left of her hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I racked my brain for answers. “I-Is a compulsion? Do you even realise that you’re doing it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-Not until it’s too late and it’s done and I c-cant do anything about it.” She mumbled. “I h-hate it…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and ran a hand through my own hair. “We may have to get you checked out for some, er, more serious disorders. That hair pulling thing is really serious little worm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “I-It’s really scary. I-I don’t want to be doing it f-forever!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. And you won’t. I promise. We’ll get this sorted out. What this is, anyways.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what if they c-can’t w-work it out d-dad?  What happens th-then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They will. They have to. And if they don’t, we’ll find someone who can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She snuggled further into me. “Th-thank you. Thank you so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem little worm. Anything for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked up and me and smiled. “I love you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too.” I grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-do you want to g-go see Sarah? I-I’m pretty boring.” She said. The nurse then walked into the room with the painkillers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not boring Kaitlyn. I like being here.” I assured. “Although seeing Sarah might be good. I might need to check on her, make sure she’s alright and all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “You go. Hopefully I’ll be alright for awhile.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you Kaitlyn. I’ll be back as soon as I possibly can, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay!” She smiled. “Hopefully Sarah’s okay. Good luck!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hugged her one last time. “See you soon little worm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye Beebo!” She giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I froze up. The last time I heard her call me Beebo...was the worst day of my life. I tried to force a smile and I quickly left the room before she could notice something was wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked into Sarah’s room with a painfully obvious frown plastered on my face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what’s wrong?” She asked immediately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Don’t worry. I’m just overreacting. Tell me about you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Just a bit overtired. The doctor’s just said it was a side effect of the concussion and should wear off over a couple of days. Now, be honest, what’s wrong Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “She called me Beebo. That’s all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did that remind you of something?” She asked worriedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Yeah, but it’s not important.” I tried to reinforce.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is, Bren. Talk to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She just called me that on the day of the crash, just before it actually.” I explained, holding in the tears that had begun forming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh Brendon. Come here.” She said, holding her arms out to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked into her arms and just enjoyed the hug. I shed a few tears into the hospital gown.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh. It’s okay Bren. It’s okay, I’m here.” Sarah soothed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” I mumbled, wiping away the tears. “I should be worrying about you, not you worrying about me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We both need worrying. But I think Kaitlyn needs to most out of all of us.” Sarah said nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I feel horrible about leaving. I tried to make sure she was, well happy before I left.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is she doing better?” Sarah asked. “How’s she going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She is definitely better. We had a bit of a fit, but it stopped before it got bad. She had a lot of questions for me, actually, so we just talked.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s so sweet.” Sarah smiled. “What did you talk about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well we started talking about my PTSD, then we talked about music, and my friends and stuff. Then she flipped out over the hair situation but I think that it’s been justified for now.” I responded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “The hair was bad enough, and now she’s torn half of it out. I don’t know if we can fix that, Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I tried not to say too much about fixing it, I tried to steer away from that actually. I was trying to just convince her she was beautiful and such. I’m not sure how well that worked.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know either. It’s killing me that I can’t be there for her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah….” I replied, becoming swarmed with ridiculous guilt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon please, I’m not blaming you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked down. “It is my fault though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Brendon, it’s not. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. Hell, I was the one who ran under you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why the hell did I even try it?” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I think you’re the only person who can answer that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “I’m so goddamn selfish.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Stop looking at it as you, what you did. It’s what the disorder did. I know you, Brendon, and you’re not selfish. You’re beautiful and amazing and talented and I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thank you.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah planted a kiss on my cheek. “Do you want to stay a little longer or go back to Kaitlyn? To be honest, I think she needs your company more than I do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think so? I don’t know.” I murmured. “Should I?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do. And I’ve got my phone now, so maybe we can facetime. That way we can sort of be together, even though we’re not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” I responded, smiling slightly. “I suppose I’ll see you soon then.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “See you soon Bren!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked down to Kaitlyn’s room smiling, probably confusing a lot of the nurses and doctors around. I walked in to see Kaitlyn sitting up at the end of the bed, staring at the posters littering the walls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi!” I greeted happily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She glanced up at me. “Hey Brendon. You’re back fast.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am indeed. But now, we can talk to Sarah through the phone since she has hers.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? That’s cool, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled my phone out and began facetiming Sarah. Once Sarah picked up, I handed the phone to Kaitlyn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Sarah!” Kaitlyn smiled. “Are you feeling better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled. “I am. How are you bub?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“G-good I guess. As g-good as you c-can be w-when you’re l-locked in the p-psychiatric ward.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah frowned. “It’ll get better bub. There’s just a lot of waiting involved.” She assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe.” Kaitlyn mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s talk about something. Do you like pools Kaitlyn? Or do you prefer open land?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-are you h-house h-hunting?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We are indeed. But we need to make sure you’re happy too, so don’t tell us to just choose what we want.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t a-actually know h-how to s-swim s-so p-probably d-dry l-land.” Kaitlyn admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fine. If you ever want to try to learn, tell us.” Sarah instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-have you g-guys e-ever been t-to the b-beach?” She asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah looked slightly confused. “Yeah?  Why’s that?”” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ve never b-been.” She mumbled sheepishly. “I-Is it n-nice?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You might not remember it, but you’ve been to the beach.” I stepped in. “I took you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. I kind of w-want to g-go, I g- guess.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can go to the beach!” Sarah smiled. “That sounds like fun for the three of us! Oh, and we can take the puppies too!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn smiled. “That’d be nice.” She mumbled lightly. “I-I just have to get out first.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “That will come soon bub. I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I hate this place.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know bub. I hate it too. But we’ll all be out soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How c-can you b-be sure? It’s like the l-longer I’m h-here, the w-worse it gets!” She sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please calm down bub. It’ll take a bit of time, but you’ll get better, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not getting better. Just worse. I don’t think I’ve recovered at all since coming here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re getting so much better. Look, you’re having a calm conversation with me and Brendon. That’s a real improvement there! You’re getting better, I promise.” Sarah tried to reassure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I wanna go home.” She whimpered. “E-Even if I’m not </span>
  <em>
    <span>better.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know bub. I know. But you can’t. I’m sorry.” Sarah apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She mumbled something I couldn’t hear before a few tears fell down her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was that little worm?” I asked, slightly concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’d rather be d-dead than be here.” She whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled her into a tight hug. “You don’t want to die, trust me.” I told her. “It is the worst decision you could possibly make.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She snuggled into my body, “B-but I do! I hate this hospital!” She whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I held her head against my chest and rested my head on top of hers. “Please don’t ever say that you want to leave, little worm. I feel like I failed you when you say that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt her tears soak into my shirt. “I want to die! I don’t want this anymore!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I held her tightly as she dropped the phone. “Hold on Sarah.” I said, hanging up the call.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Sarah’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me?” I called, trying to get the attention of the nurse in the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse turned around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need to visit my daughter, she’s in the psychiatric ward. I’m just concerned about the possibility of me collapsing. Is there anything you can do to help?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “I can get a wheelchair and wheel you there. How’s that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’d be great, thanks.” I responded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She disappeared before she entered with a wheelchair. I sat down and she took me to Kaitlyn’s room after I gave her directions. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After I was in the room, she left me with Brendon and Kaitlyn. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon had Kaitlyn in his arms and she was curled up at the side of the bed. I stood up and walked over to Kaitlyn, not caring about my current health situation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked over and stroked her hair and wrapped my free arm around her. “It’s okay bub, we’re here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t wanna be here anymore! I don’t wanna get better! I just wanna go home!” She cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled her to me. “I know bub, but if you don’t get better now, you’ll just have to keep coming back, that’s why you’re here so long.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon joined the hug and we just sat in each other's arms for minutes, relying on each other to keep us all comforted and as close to happiness we could get.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uries?” A confused voice asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked around to see Dr Jo standing there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hello.” I said, pulling away from the hug. “What brings you here?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just came to see how everyone is doing. It’s supposed to Brendon’s appointment but I didn’t want to drag him away from everyone. How are we all?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon pulled out and Kaitlyn curled up. “We’re all a bit shaken at the moment, I suppose.” He admitted, sitting down and squirmed in his seat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sat beside him and started talking to him, leaving me with Kaitlyn. Soon enough as I was trying to console Kaitlyn, Dr Jo and Brendon left the room.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0042"><h2>42. Chapter 41- The Fear Of Falling Apart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo had led me into a new room, one of which had only chairs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was going to let you skip but I don’t want to risk it. Tell me what has happened recently.” She instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head and brought my knees up to my chest so I could rest my head on them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, talk.” She stated sternly. “Unless you want to risk having another episode. Now stop bottling up your feelings and talk.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why’d you tell her? I feel so open and vulnerable.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told her, Brendon, because it think it will be beneficial to the both of you. Not only do you no longer have to deal with the stress of keeping it hidden, and Kaitlyn will have somebody to relate to. It’s honestly for the best, Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel horrible wh-when I d-don’t have the answers th-though.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Answers to what?” She questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “When she’s asking about what wr-wrong with her and such, and I-I can’t tell her b-because I don’t know!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everybody finds that hard Brendon, not just you. But I’m afraid I don’t have the answers that you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then what’s the point of me being here?” I said, standing up from my chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo grabbed my arm and pulled me back down. “We’re here to talk, Brendon. Now, can you explain to me what was happening back in that hospital room? Kaitlyn looked rather distraught.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few tears began building up. “Sh-she said sh-she’d rather d-die than st-stay and get b-better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And how did you feel about that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I f-felt useless, l-like I f-failed her! It was h-horrible!” I sobbed, slamming my hands onto the table nearby. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you think that was?” Dr Jo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-because I a-always pr-promised she’d be o-okay. I f-felt like I broke that pr-promise.” I whimpered, picking at my fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you haven’t broken that promise Brendon. Although her mental health could be better I suppose, she’s still living and breathing. She’s still okay for the time being.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I g-guess.” I mumbled. I shifted in my seat, trying to get comfortable. “I hate everything about this hospital.” I muttered quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you do Brendon. Is that because of bad experiences here, or just the general vibe of the place?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All of it compressed into one huge ball of uncontrollable hate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo nodded. “How is Sarah recovering?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s better. Hopefully soon enough she’ll be able to go home. She’s still a bit drowsy from the medication and the concussion but she should be fine soon enough.” I sniffled. Knowing Sarah was okay made me feel better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo smiled. “That’s great. I have some news from the police officers downstairs regarding this case.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “Oh. O-okay…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not in any criminal trouble at all. You’re completely 100% off the hook.” She said with grin. “You’re fine, Brendon. You’re not being charged with anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but why? H-how?” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because Sarah chose to run under you, it was her fault. You had no intentions of hurting her at all, and she wasn’t seriously injured either. Just a mild concussion.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-so no institution?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not at this point, no. If your mental state plummets, then it’s a possibility, but for now, we can celebrate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “I-I don’t w-want to be sent a-away at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know that.” Dr Jo nodded. “So in order for that to happen, we need to make sure that you open up to me during these sessions, and that if you </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever </span>
  </em>
  <span>get any feelings of suicide or anything like that, or you feel like you’re going to have an episode, you ring me straight away so I can help you. Brendon, I hate to admit it, but if you have another major episode, then they’re going to send you away, regardless of what I say. I’ve been fighting for you, but there’s only so far I can go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-But I can’t control the episodes! H-how is that f-fair?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s why you ring me. I can sort it out in a way that means you won’t be sent away. But that means that you can’t hesitate in ringing me, not at all. Sarah knows this too, I spoke to her earlier.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started crying uncontrollably. “I’m g-going to be s-sent away! I kn-know it!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon! You’re not being sent away. I promise. As long as you ring me if anything happens, you will stay with your family, okay?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-what if I f-forget, o-or don’t r-realise what’s g-going on!? Oh god!” I wailed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah knows. And I’ll let Kaitlyn know too, okay? That way if you forget, you’ve got people around you who can help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stood up and walked over to the corner of room where I sat myself down and curled up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing Brendon?” Dr Jo questioned, craning her head around to look at me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-If I t-talk, If I m-move, I c-can risk having an episode s-so I’m n-not moving.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, that’s not going to help you.” Dr Jo sighed. “Sitting in a corner is not going to help you at all, or the people around you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah it w-will. Th-there’s nothing in this c-corner that’ll trigger me s-so I’m alright.” I explained quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you’re going to trigger yourself if you sit there. You’re going to keep thinking about things, and it’s going to end up causing you more harm than good. You’re only going to sit there and stew, and your thoughts will consume you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-then what c-can I do?! I’m j-just going to blow up anyway! Th-there’s no point!” I cried. “W-why the h-hell didn’t I d-die in that stupid crash?! N-now everything is a h-hundred times w-worse!” I shouted as I began shaking. I wrapped my arms around my legs and nestled my head on top.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon please! Come back up here so we can talk through this!” Dr Jo exclaimed, standing next to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I-I d-don’t deserve h-help. Y-you should j-just leave me to d-die!” I proposed sorrowfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon! Tell me, if Kaitlyn told you that, what would you say?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’d s-say I w-wasn’t leaving b-but this is d-different!” I cried, picking at the thread on my jeans.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is it different Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Because- I d-don’t know. I-It just is!” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Come sit up on the chair, please.” She asked firmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why?” I asked tearfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So we can talk through this.” She told me. “Sitting in the corner isn’t going to do you good, but talking to me is, so come sit up here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I silently pulled myself up and sat down on the chair begrudgingly. “W-why do you b-bother with me anyway?” I asked, resting my fidgeting hands on the table in attempts to get them to stop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I care about you, Brendon. Did you take your medication yet?”</span>
</p><p><span>I shook my head. “Because I have to be </span><em><span>supervised,</span></em> <em><span>remember?</span></em><span>” I mocked. “And if you weren’t aware, my </span><em><span>supervisor</span></em><span> is currently in hospital.” </span></p><p>
  <span>“I’m trying to help you, Brendon.” Dr Jo mumbled, rubbing her temples. “Please don’t throw that back in my face. I think we should go downstairs and get the prescriptions filled.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “No.” I responded simply. “You can, I’m not taking them though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Brendon, you are. Take a good look at yourself right now. Do you honestly want to go on feeling like this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well…” I mumbled. “I-I don’t want the p-pills…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is so bad about the medication then Brendon? Can you explain that to me please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t like kn-knowing that I-I can’t control m-myself without them s-so in theory, if I d-don’t take them I’ll g-get better at controlling it, r-right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed and shook her head. “Brendon, the medication helps you to control your emotions. When you get better at them, the dosage decreases until you don’t require any anymore. If you don’t take it, it’ll only get worse, because your body won’t learn. Do you understand?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded glumly. “I-I guess so.” I mumbled. “I just w-wish there wasn’t so many.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. But if you remember to take them, over time I’ll cut down the amount. But if you continue to not take them, then you’ll just be prescribed more, okay? Let’s go downstairs to the pharmaceutical department and get these prescriptions made up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and stood up. I followed her all the way downstairs where I just awkwardly traced her steps as it all was organised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, she handed me a paper cup with about 5 pills in it. “Do you need some water?” She asked me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Please.” I spun the cup in my hands and watched the pills dance around as I waited. She gave me a cup of water and watched me as I swallowed the pills.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> Once they were down I stared at her. “I hate this.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Brendon. But you’re not going to get better without them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I suppose you can celebrate now. I’m all drugged up and malleable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo frowned. “Brendon, if you’re going to act like a stubborn child I will treat you like one, you hear me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well isn’t this what you want though?” I questioned.”Like you probably seriously enjoy me when I’m drugged up because I am probably more gullible. That’s why you want me to take the pills so goddamn much,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you honestly believe that I want to trick you into believing something that I made up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I’ve had this belief for a while actually. I told Sarah about it, but she just told me to stop being irrational.” I explained blandly, drinking what was left of the water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what do you think I’ve made up then?” She questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That the pills work, and that they’ll make me feel better, that I am not the one deciding to do things and I like to hope you made up the part about PTSD being incurable.” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I am not lying to you. Would you like me to get you a textbook on PTSD to backup my claims?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You of all people know I wouldn’t be able to sit through reading an entire textbook, so no.” I answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, then what will it take for you to believe me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “You’re the smart one. You figure it out.” I retaliated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I have offered you a textbook. You’re the one who wants the proof, you decide how you want it, because I can provide it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed, throwing my head into my hands. “I-I believe the incurable thing I-I just wish th-that it was different, ya know?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Brendon. I wish it was different too, but I’m afraid that I can’t change that. What I can do though, is I can try to help you through therapy and medication, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked up and nodded lightly. “Okay.” I responded quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. Shall we head back upstairs?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess so.” I mumbled. I trailed behind her as we walked back upstairs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We were almost back to the room, when Sarah raced up to us, looking extremely distressed. She collapsed in my arms and started crying hysterically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah?! What’s wrong?!” I asked as I began to panic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“K-Kaitlyn’s h-having a-an e-episode!” She sobbed. “S-she’s b-been m-moved t-to the v-venting r-room a-and they’ve h-had to r-restrain h-her a-arms b-because s-she’s p-pulling on h-her h-hair again!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled her in tightly as tears of my own started falling. “I’m so sorry. I should’ve been there Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no, i-it’s f-fine. Y-you have t-to w-worry a-about yourself. B-but I-I’m not a-allowed to s-see h-her!” Sarah sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go see what’s going on. I’ll be back.” Dr Jo told us, before she left down the hall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” I asked, pulling out and looking at her tear stained face. “Do you want to go to your room for awhile?” I proposed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-my room?” She asked. “O-Oh, r-right. C-can you c-come with m-me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” I said, taking her hand. “Do you feel faint at all?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded slightly. “T-the wheelchair i-is in K-Kaitlyn’s r-r-room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got her to sit down by the wall. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.” I instructed as I went to retrieve the wheelchair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I came back and Sarah look as if she were about to pass out. I lifted her into the chair and wheeled her back to her room and laid her on the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m s-s-sorry f-for m-making y-you push m-me b-back.” She sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. I wanted to make sure you were okay.” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m r-really s-scared B-Bren! S-she w-was s-screaming and p-pulling at h-her h-hair and i-it was l-like she c-couldn’t h-hear a-anything I w-was s-saying!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know. It’s all really scary, but you have to push it behind you for a second so you can take a moment to relax and regroup, okay? We’ll see what happens to her.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wrapped me in a hug. “I-I love you B-Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too Sarah.” I said, planting a gentle kiss on her lips. “I love you so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo entered the room with a grimace on her face. Sarah and I turned to face her nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have news of a diagnosis.” She said nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “Um….okay...How bad is it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s um, it’s not good.” She gulped. “It’s not good at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah tensed up. “Wh-what is it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo took a deep breath in. “Residual Schizophrenia.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Oh….” I mumbled, not knowing how to react.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a type of schizophrenia that probably isn’t as bad as it could be, I suppose. There’s no delusions or hallucinations, which is good, but she’s lost all motivation and interest in life.” Dr Jo mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I threw my head in my hands. “Th-thanks, I g-guess.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-because of her age, they’re referring her to a specialist who specialises in these severe cases in youth. It’s quite a significant disorder for somebody so young.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah was just silently crying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know this is hard news to receive, so if either of you want to discuss it, I’m here now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-is there anything we can d-do to help?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not right now, I’m afraid. We’re going to let the episode run it’s course, and we’re going to have a look at prescribing her some anti-psychotics.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “If there’s anything we can do, just tell us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll come and get you when she’s allowed visitors.” Dr Jo said. “I should probably get back to her now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Good luck, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you soon Urie’s.” She mumbled, before walking out the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I slumped into a chair that was in the room. “What are we gonna do Sarah?” I asked, staring at the wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t know!” She sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry!” I responded on instinct, not expecting that reaction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Brendon I-I’m s-scared! S-schizophrenia i-is s-scary!” She cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Memories flooded into my mind and I lept out of the seat, astounded that I hadn’t remembered earlier. “Dammit!” I shouted, kicking the chair to the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Brendon? W-what’s wrong?” Sarah asked lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Damien’s father!” I exclaimed, kicking the chair again. “He w-was s-schizophrenic. I-It m-must have b-been p-passed d-down genetically! I c-can’t believe I didn’t r-remember!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-do you w-want to t-tell Dr J-Jo? Sh-she might w-want to know that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah.” I mumbled. “S-should I g-go now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Tell her while it’s fresh in your mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I raced out of Sarah’s room and ran down to the other end of the hospital, finding Dr Jo as fast as I possibly could. I grabbed her shoulder and tugged her around to face me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon?” She asked, alarmed. “Is Sarah okay?  Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“K-Kaitlyn.” I panted. “H-her g-grandfather w-was s-schizophrenic t-too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? Okay. Thank you so much for that Brendon.” She responded gratefully. “That clears up a lot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-thanks.” I puffed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should go sit down and regain your breath. Especially if you ran here from Sarah’s room.” She suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” I mumbled, sitting down on the nearby bench.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She then disappeared into the venting room and I heard screams coming from inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “KAITLYN IT’S OKAY!” I called in before the door closed completely, and I hoped that she heard me. She sounded so distraught, and it made my stomach turn in on itself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wanted to go in there so badly, but I was terrified at the same time. It killed me as I turned around and started running back towards Sarah’s room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is everything okay?!” She asked me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-as okay as it c-could be, I suppose.” I responded. “B-but I see why you're scared.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-did you g-get to s-see her?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I heard her though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-heard her?” She echoed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sh-she was screaming.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god.” Sarah mumbled. “Oh god.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-hopefully they can h-help her.” I stammered nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yeah…” Sarah mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled her in for a hug. “Why does this happen? All at once too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t k-know!” She cried. “B-Brendon I-I’m s-scared!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So am I Sarah, but we have to try to work through it. Tell me exactly what’s scaring you most.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-the t-thought of K-Kaitlyn b-being a-alone in t-that r-room and s-screaming a-and b-being s-scared too a-and then t-there’s n-nobody t-there!” She blubbered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll be there as soon as we can Sarah. That’s all we really can do.” I tried to explain. “I know, you want to be there right by her side, but you know that sometimes you just have to wait it out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Brendon sh-she’s probaby s-so s-scared r-right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know. But at least there is one person she knows. We both know she hates being around complete strangers. We just have to hold on and wait for Dr Jo to work her magic before we can be there. Hopefully it’s not long, but it’s hard to tell.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay.” Sarah sniffled, burying her face in my shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I rested my head atop hers. “Just try and stay strong for me Sarah. This has all taken a huge toll on you.” I wrapped my arms tightly around her, keeping her comforted and secure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-thank you B-Brendon.” She whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything for you Sarah.” I assured. “Anything.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0043"><h2>43. Chapter 42 - Venting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>***** Kaitlyn’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“GET ME OUT OF HERE! I’M NOT CRAZY!” I demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you’re not crazy.” Joanne said, sitting down across from me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“YOU’RE NOT THE ONE IN A STRAIT JACKET!” I yelled, forcing against the straps that kept my arms bound to my body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, calm down. If you keep acting like this, you aren’t ever going to leave.” Joanne explained calmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I burst into tears. “I-I want t-to see B-Brendon and S-Sarah!” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can’t let you see them until you are calm because there is a chance you will injure them if they come in here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My sobbing worsened. “I-I d-don’t want t-to h-hurt a-anybody!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s why we’ve put you in here to calm down, so you don’t hurt anybody.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can you l-let m-me out o-of the s-straitjacket?” I asked hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not just yet. Hopefully we can soon.” She replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what’s w-wrong w-with m-me?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well in what way? Like, what you are diagnosed with, or why you are in a straitjacket right now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-both.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you have been diagnosed with Residual Schizophrenia, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Depression. You are in a straitjacket because you were beginning to tear your hair out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-schizophrenia AND p-post t-traumatic s-stress?” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is what I believe I said, yes.” She replied. “And the other doctor’s have agreed with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-But!” I tried to protest, before letting out a sigh and realising it was useless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there anything else you want to know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-when c-can I g-go h-home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t give you a certain date, the most I can say is, you can go home when you are stable, or </span>
  <em>
    <span>better</span>
  </em>
  <span> if that’s how you wish to see it.” She replied simply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what’s g-going t-to happen t-to m-me?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That depends on how your recovery goes I suppose.” She responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-If I d-don’t g-get b-better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well then we find a way to maintain your condition so you can potentially live at home.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-potentially?!” I shrieked. “T-they’re not g-going to l-let me g-go h-home?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well there is a chance that if we can’t maintain the condition, you will be sent to a facility that can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-they’re gonna sh-ship me o-off t-to the n-nuthouse.” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well not necessarily. It’s probably more sophisticated than that considering the severity of your condition.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m i-insane.” I mumbled to myself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “ Technically yes, but you aren’t doing yourself any good if that's how you continue to label yourself.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT IT?!” I screamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you could look at yourself as a human being who needs slight help adapting to the ways of society and living in normal conditions, I suppose.” She suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I j-just w-want to b-be n-normal!” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“ Yes, well,”  She paused. “ You aren’t, and I’m sorry about that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you a-aren’t h-helping!” I cried. “Y-you’re m-making i-it w-worse!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what to do Kaitlyn. I tried to calm you down, but you clearly don’t want to get better because you are refusing to cooperate. I suppose you can start getting used to the straitjacket.” She then walked out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-No! D-don’t l-leave! P-please!” I begged. “W-what d-do you w-want f-from m-me?! I-I’’ll d-do i-it! W-whatever i-it i-is! B-but d-don’t l-leave m-me a-alone!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned around. “You need to calm down. That’s the only way this is going to work. If you flare up, I’m leaving so I don’t get hurt.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-how d-do I c-calm d-down?” I asked desperately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You basically think about something completely unrelated that you like and focus on that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to think of something nice, something that I like. Opal and Ollie popped into my head, and I focused on them and their little puppy faces, and the way I would play with them and the way that they would lick my face and curl up at the end of my bed and sleep there at night. It seemed to work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you thinking about? It’s clearly something pretty cool because I can see you’re sprouting a little smile now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My puppies.” I mumbled. “Opal and Ollie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see how that can make you happy. On that note, once you’re out of here, Brendon has the doctor’s permission to bring them in to see you.” She replied happily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“R-really?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep. How’s that sound?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“R-r-really n-nice.” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m glad. I figured you would miss them lots since you’ve been here for awhile. I’m sure they miss you too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I h-hope t-they’ve missed m-me.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure they have. Dogs get sad when their owners don’t return for a long time.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah.” I said. “D-do you think that I-I’ll be o-out of h-here s-soon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I believe so. Then you might have to come back if you need more surgeries, but hopefully you can go home before the end of next week at the latest. Let’s hope that doesn't change.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled weakly. “T-that sounds nice. W-when c-can I g-get out o-of the s-strait j-jacket?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll talk to the doctor now.” She smiled. “I shall be back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “O-Okay. I-I’ll be here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She walked out, but soon returned as promised with a grin on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ready?” She asked, smiling and grabbing one of the clasps that were keeping the straps tight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah I am!” I said excitedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> She undid the straps and freed my arms first. I shook them out once they were free. She then took it off and I sat down, wiggling my fingers and moving my arms around to eliminate the discomfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you!” I exclaimed, wrapping her in a hug. I then pulled away, realising I was being immature and silly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She chuckled. “No problems Kaitlyn. I’m glad you’re feeling better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-when can I s-see mom and dad again?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soon. We’re just going to keep you in here for a few hours and make sure that you’re completely calm before we can let you out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “C-can you tell them th-that I’m better? Th-they are probably really w-worried.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. Do you want me to go, or should I send someone else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-You can go. I think I’ll be okay.” I stated unconvincingly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. There will be somebody else coming in here to supervise, you do realise?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I-I’ll just deal with it. I-I’m sure my parents will appreciate s-seeing you more then a stranger.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. See you later Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And with that, she was gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I just sat down as some stranger walked in. I remained in silence as I waited. I felt horrible not knowing anyone in the room but I just sucked it up and curled up. I think he realised I wasn’t going to talk because he just sat down and watched to make sure I wasn’t trying to hurt myself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was awkward silence for about half an hour. He tried several times to start conversation, but I just sat there in a catatonic state and stared at the wall, trying to block him out. When Dr Jo finally returned, I think we were both relieved to see him go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-how’d it go?” I asked, sick of the silence I had been in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re glad you’re okay. Sarah’s been released from care now, and they’re just going to get some lunch and will be back soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “That’s good.” I replied happily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sat down across from me. “So, Kaitlyn, I suppose we have to discuss the terms of your release.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, um...okay?” I responded, slightly unsure of what she meant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are aware you’ll be attending therapy, correct?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “And I’ll probably be there a lot.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Three times a week. And a fortnightly support group.” Dr Jo told me sternly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Support g-group?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It will be beneficial for you to converse about these things with people your age, plus it can help you socialise. Considering you have said that that is a problem for you, this should help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tensed up and shook my head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do realise that if you don’t agree to these terms you won’t be released from the hospital, correct?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t l-like new people.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, maybe this will change your outlook on that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is there anything else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will be prescribed medications, and you will have to take them. Telling us you ‘forgot’ will not be tolerated. They must be taken everyday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got a lot more nervous as she became more stern and demanding. I light nodded my head, not wanting to get in trouble.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.” She nodded. “And the final condition is if you feel yourself having suicidal thoughts, or feel an episode coming on, you call me or your psychologist as soon as possible. Sarah has my number, and I’m assuming that you’ll get your psychologist’s too. This is to eliminate as much damage as possible to you, and the people around you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.”  I said, curling up further in attempts to get away from her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good to hear. Now, lunch should be arriving any minute now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “I’m n-not h-hungry.” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have a diagnosed eating disorder, but you still have to eat, Kaitlyn. Considering that you’ve proven to us that you can’t be trusted around needles, you’ll just have to eat what’s put in front of you. And if you don’t, the strait jacket goes back on, and I’ll be forced to spoon feed you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt tears forming. “O-okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somebody entered with a tray of food. I could tell that it was a pasta dish. Dr Jo placed it in front of me and gestured for me to eat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took one forced bite and gagged on the food. “N-no more. P-please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, you will be eating that whole bowl, whether you want it or not. Now, are you going to eat it yourself, or are you going to make me feed you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I began crying and dropped the spoon to the ground. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am truly sorry about this Kaitlyn.” Dr Jo mumbled as she grabbed the spoon and dipped it in the pasta, before bringing it up to my lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I opened my mouth slightly, tears still spilling uncontrollably as the spoon was shoved into my mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Chew, Kaitlyn. Chew.” Dr Jo asked as gently as she could. “If you don’t you’ll choke.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I forced myself to chew, and almost threw up but I swallowed the food. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please, n-no more! I-I can’t e-eat anymore!” I begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve eaten two small bites, Kaitlyn.” Dr Jo stated blandly. “You’re not finished yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I-It’s too m-much!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a small serving, and you will be eating this. Open wide.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pushed her hand away and just curled up in a heap and cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, you need to eat.” Dr Jo told me. “If you don’t eat, you won’t be leaving. It’s as simple as that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but I can’t!” I sobbed. “Wh-why a-are you m-making me s-sick?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not making you sick Kaitlyn, I’m trying to get you to eat a decent amount of food so you </span>
  <em>
    <span>aren’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>sick.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I closed my eyes and gulped before shoving another bite in my mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a swallow came another round of tears. The bowl was still full, and I wanted to cry at the thought of eating it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It just k-keeps g-going! I’m n-never going to f-finish it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will finish this, you need to believe in yourself. I promise, you’ll get through this, and I’ll help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-how am I g-going to finish th-this? I already f-feel f-full a-and th-there’s so much!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One bite at a time Kaitlyn. Open up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I clenched my eyes shut and opened my mouth slightly, not want any food at all. I cringed as another spoonful of the pasta was shoved in my mouth, and I forced myself to swallow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please s-say that’s e-enough.” I sobbed quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head and loaded up the spoon again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please n-no!” I begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m trying to help you Kaitlyn.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I clasped my hands over my mouth and shook my head. “N-no…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to get the strait jacket, Kaitlyn. I know you hate it, and so do I. But if you don’t move your hands, it will be going back on, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt a slight rumble in my stomach. She tried to pull my hands away and I shook my head desperately trying to get her to let go. She pulled my hands away and I threw up everywhere.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m so sorry!”  I apologised profusely. “I-I didn’t me- I’m sorry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo blinked a few times, looking over her vomit-covered coat. She peeled it off and left without a word, leaving me to sit in a pile of my own puke. I started crying and curled myself up as tight as I could in the corner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was just left to swell in the silence, and the smell had already spread to my corner. I’d rather be screamed at right now rather than be alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please come back!”  I begged, loud enough to hopefully alarm someone. “P-please!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I had no clue what do with myself anymore. The longer I sat, the more helpless I felt. My stomach began to swirl again and I threw up for the second time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-somebody! P-please!” I called out again, only for the sound to rebound against the white walls and come back to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard the door open, but I didn’t look. Instead, I continued to wallow in a puddle of mixed vomit and tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you stand up for me kiddo?” I heard an unfamiliar voice ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” I responded nervously, picking myself up and stared at the mess I had made. “I-I’m sorry.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman in the room looked me over. “Alright kiddo. I brought you some clean clothes. We’ll get you changed, and then we’re going to move you to somewhere clean and dry, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay, I g-guess.” I replied nervously, feeling guilty for creating such a mess.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She helped me pull off the vomit covered scrubs I was wearing, due to the fact that my stupid limbs weren’t doing what my messed up brain told them too. Once I was changed, she put her arm around me and helped me shuffle out of the room and down into a different one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked up at her. “D-do you kn-know where J-Joanne i-is? Sh-she l-left me…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She went and took a shower. I think she went to see your parents. But that’s okay kiddo, you’ve got me now. I’m nice, or at least I think so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t l-like n-new people.” I mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, how about I introduce myself so I’m not new anymore?” She suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Y-you can try?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, well, my name is Indigo, I’m 26 years old and a psychologist hired by the hospital.” She stated with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fun.” I muttered sarcastically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “It is actually. I get to meet a lot of cool people, and the pay here is really awesome.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I m-miss them, I-I m-miss everyone.” I began crying. “I-It seems like p-people are always l-leaving me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who do you miss?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-my parents, m-my adoptive p-parents, G-Gerard, J-Joanne. I miss the p-people I know and c-care about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. They’ll be back soon, okay? Joanne should be back any minute now, I’m sure Gerard will come and visit, and your adoptive parents are probably waiting anxiously for the news that they can see you.” She tried to tell me, maintaining her positive attitude.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why, of all p-people did m-my parents d-die? I-I n-never knew them!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. The universe works in strange ways. I’m sorry for your loss, by the way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what’s y-your favourite c-colour?” I asked spontaneously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laughed. “I may be biased, but I always thought indigo was sort of pretty.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly. “Th-that’s cool, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What colour do you like?” She asked me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pondered for a moment. “I’m not sure. I’ve recently found out that I’ve been colourblind my entire life so it's hard when I only know of a few, I suppose. Let’s just say it’s definitely not white.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She chuckled slightly, looking around at the white walls. “That’s a shame. Well, what’s a colour that you find slightly prettier than other colours when you look at it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure, like a salmon or coral kind of colour, I guess.” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “That’s a pretty colour.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you like dogs? ‘Cause at home we have these really cute little puppies called Opal and Ollie. They’re border collies and are the most adorable things I’ve ever seen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo giggled. “I have a border collie too. His name is Jake, and he’s fabulous. He thinks he’s human though, and he sits on chairs at the table and everything! It’s really funny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stifled a laugh. “That sounds cute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled her phone out of her pocket and showed me a picture. “He’s really funny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got an idea. “I know this is silly, but c-can you go on YouTube on your phone?”  I asked hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to watch?” She asked. “I’m not allowed to let you touch it, I’m afraid, but I can show you things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no. I just want to hear my dad’s voice. Well, adoptive dad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s his name?” She asked, going to the YouTube app.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Brendon Urie?” I replied. “H-his b-band is c-called Panic! At The Disco, I think.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and put it in the search bar and clicked the first video that came up. I relaxed a bit once I heard his voice. The song ended and I was just left smiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thanks.” I said, looking at her. “I really needed that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I leaned into the wall. “I-Is there any more?” I asked nervously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, do you want me to put some more on?” Indigo asked, getting out of the video.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and relaxed as I heard him singing, but it made me miss him more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door opened and Joanne entered, dressed in a clean set of clothes and a disapproving scowl.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s not supposed to have electronics, Indigo.” She scolded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I thought considering that as long as didn’t touch it, and it was me, then it would be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Turn it off. She’s not allowed to have it in her current state.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She just wanted to hear her Dad’s voice, Jo. Shouldn’t that be allowed?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not when it involves the use of personal electronics, I’m afraid. You’ll have to turn it off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed as she turned the song off. “Sorry kiddo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s o-okay. I-I s-shouldn’t h-have a-asked.” I whimpered. “B-but wh-why c-can’t I?” I stammered. “I-I really w-want to s-see Brendon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you’re not stable enough to have access to electronics.” Dr Jo said crossly, as if I should have known.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t she just listen to some music?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo shook her head. “I thought that was made clear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If it’s helping her feel better, shouldn’t it be allowed?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even though I wasn’t doing anything, I felt like I was in trouble, and I curled up into the corner of the room, trying to make myself as small as possible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry.” I murmured again, hoping to try to justify the situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joanne and Indigo didn’t hear me, they were in the middle of a stare down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s really helping her. Shouldn’t that be allowed if it’s good for her and helping her improve her condition? Or should we just allow her to suffer?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s hospital policy!” Joanne spat back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She's here to get better! She’s not supposed to be suffering!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started crying quietly in the corner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I want her to get better, but I don’t want to risk getting into trouble with the hospital. I need them on my good side for her father as well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Her father is in here too?” Indigo questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not at the moment. He’s been in and out but is facing the threat of being sent away so I’m trying to make sure his condition doesn’t get to that point.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo turned to me. “Your choice kiddo. Want it and risk it or are you going to play it safe?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I f-feel l-like I n-need it though…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo turned back to Dr Jo. “Can’t you ask the board? Get an exception perhaps? It’s for her sake.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “I can try. I can’t guarantee anything.” She stated, rubbing her temples.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you just ask though? Please, she’s suffering already with it gone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard her huff before leaving the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry about her kiddo.” Indigo mumbled, turning her attention back to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sh-she’s just d-doing her job, and m-making sure she d-doesn’t lose it, I g-guess. It doesn’t m-matter though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes, to be a good psychologist in this place, you don’t just have to follow the rules. You have to know when to break them for the good of your patients.” She muttered. “If it was up to me, you’d have access to all the music you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but I-I don’t w-want y-you to l-lose your job b-because of m-my stupid n-needs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She chuckled. “I’m not going to lose my job. Sure, I might get a frown and a talking to, but I’m good friends with the board. They like me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what about J-Joanne? W-what about h-her job?” I stammered nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They generally like her, but she’s on thin ice at the moment because of what’s happening with your Dad. She’ll be okay though, she’s one of the best here, and they’re not going to let her go because of something as small as this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-do you know wh-why sh-she’s s-so grumpy? W-was it m-me?” I asked hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it wasn’t you kiddo. She’s just stressed. Apparently her husband just lost his job, and this one patient of her’s is causing a lot of trouble. It’s not you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but I’m not helping...” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re doing fine. It’s not your fault she’s grumpy. Honestly, she needs a week long holiday. That’s why I volunteered to be in here with you, so she could have a rest to gather her thoughts.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay. S-so I’ll s-see you l-lots?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Yup. Get used to me kiddo, you’ll be seeing a lot more of me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-well I suppose I should g-get to know you m-more. D-do you like rain?” I asked nervously, not sure what to ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laughed. “I love jumping in puddles and all that. It’s so much fun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-that’s c-cool, I g-guess. D-do you l-like ice cream?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love ice cream. It’s my favourite food. How about you, do you like ice cream?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I l-like a little b-bit of it. N-not m-much though.” I murmured. “I-I don’t l-like much of anything, actually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was the eating disorder you were diagnosed with?” She questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “U-um….OSFED? I th-think.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, I see.” She said. “That’s good in a way, it’s easier to treat than some others.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, uh…..okay?” I mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, I suppose as I’m now in charge of your treatment, we should probably talk about you. Care to tell me a bit about yourself?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-what do you want to know? You already kn-know I’m crazy. There’s n-not much more to tell.” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “No, I don’t know anything actually. All I know is you’ve got OSFED and a couple other disorders. But in order to be able to treat you, I need to know your circumstances, what’s happened, what’s happening, and what you think is going to happen. I can’t treat you without those things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-well when I was really young, my parents died in a car crash. I was then sent off to foster homes and such before I landed in the group home, alternatively known as my own personal hell and I spent a lot of time there. It seemed like everyone hated me there, so that was pretty sucky, I guess. Then Brendon and Sarah adopted me. Brendon was friends with my parents before they died, that’s why I’m with them, I guess even though they deserve a better child who requires so much less maintenance. Everything else has really been in the hospital.” I recounted. “As for the future, it seems like the only place I’m headed at the moment is to a nuthouse so I can’t say a lot about that.” I said, picking at my nails.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not going to the nuthouse Kiddo. You should be going home soon.” Indigo tried to assure me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should be going home, but I’m not, ‘cause I’m crazy.” I mumbled. “I’m just going to be here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not crazy. You shouldn’t call yourself something you’re not. Sure, you have a mental disorder. But that doesn’t make you crazy. I deal with some pretty crazy people kiddo, and trust me when I say you aren’t one of them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For some reason her speech reminded me of Sarah, making the urge to see them greater. I knew I wasn’t able to though so I simply cried at the thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong kiddo?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled and wiped away my tears, remembering that Indigo was here. “I-I just miss mom and dad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. You should be able to see them soon though. You should only be in here for an hour or so more, then you’ll be allowed visitors.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” I sniffled lightly. “Wh-what do I d-do to pass the time?” I asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can talk to me!” She bubbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-about wh-what? P-please don’t m-make me t-talk about h-how messed up I am.” I pleaded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, we’ll just talk.” She proposed. “How’s school going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sucky.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why is that kiddo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All I remember of it recently is getting my head bashed in. It’s hard to like it considering people there are the reason I got in here in the first place.” I muttered angrily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah I see. The people. Do you have a history of being bullied?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sadly. I just got used to it though and it became less and less of an issue.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo frowned. “Did you tell anyone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did. No one ever cared though so I just had to fend for myself.” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where were you living at the time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mostly at the group home, but it seems the whole physical element kicked into gear around when Brendon and Sarah adopted me. It was happening before but I’d say those were the worst, though it did get pretty bad before.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Do you think that if you did something differently, it would’ve changed the outcome?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I feel like the things I would say annoyed people, though I was merely defending myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why were you defending yourself? What sort of things were you saying?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well they would accuse me of things, so I would try to clear away the accusations and they just taunted me about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what sort of things were they accusing you of?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well it started as usual middle school stuff like going out with people but then they started accusing me of sucking up to teachers, or giving them a bad name, so that was their excuses to bash my face in basically.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you think that affected you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we please talk about something else?” I asked, not liking thinking about school.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Well, do you mind me asking about how you’re feeling about Brendon and Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In what way exactly?” I asked, uninterested. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, has your life been better or worse since you moved in with them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s definitely so much better, besides the whole hospital thing.” I answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah? Do you think there are any downsides to living with them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I considered for a moment. “Not really. Brendon tends to spend a bit of time away, but I know why now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good then. How do you think they feel about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About me living with them?” I countered, making sure I understood what she was asking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I mean, I hope they like having me around. I can’t say much though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what have they told you about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They say I’ve made things better for them, and keep the entertained, I guess.” I murmured. “So why do you want to know this anyway?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I’m getting to know you, kiddo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, well it just feels invasive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked me at me. “Well, we can talk about something else then. What do you want to talk about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Where’s Joanne? When can I go home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Joanne went to ask about the music, remember? You can go home when you’ve made a significant improvement and are no longer a threat to yourself or your family.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great.” I mumbled sarcastically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you upset?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I’ve been in hospital so goddamn long! Because they keep finding more wrong with me! Because everyone I’m familiar with is gone! Choose one!” I snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you’re angry about this Kaitlyn, I would be too, but if you keep snapping you’re only going to be here longer. I’ll let that one slide, okay, but you’ve got to calm down. Think about something that makes you happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head and picked at the hospital gown. “Just let me go home.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to kiddo, I really want to. But I can’t, I’m afraid. We’ll just have to wait it out a little longer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is stupid! Just let me leave! It’s not that hard! Far out!” I shouted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, Kaitlyn calm down. If I could let you go, I would. But the facts are, you’re at risk of hurting yourself or the people around you. We really don’t want that to happen, and we’re trying to keep everyone safe, so you’re just in here for a bit. Soon you’ll be out, okay? But we’ve just got to get through this first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I swear, the longer I’m in here, the more insane I get! It’s stupid! What is the point of this!?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To keep you and the people around you safe from harm.” She stated simply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started punching the wall beside me. “Just let me out!” I begged. “P-please!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, if you don’t calm down, I’m going to be forced to leave so you don’t hurt me, even by accident. I know you don’t like being alone, so I think it might be best if you just take a deep breath and calm down for me.” Indigo said. “I care about you kiddo, so please, for your own sake, please calm down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I fell into the heap on the ground and began crying. “C-can I h-have a hug?” I asked, tears running down my face. “P-please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Course kiddo.” Indigo said gently, pulling me in tight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m scared!” I sobbed. “I-I don’t kn-know what to d-do anymore.” I whimpered, feeling helpless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, let’s start by just taking a few deep breaths, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a few deep breaths and curled up further in her arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you tell me what’s so scary?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I feel l-like I’m n-not getting better and th-that I w-won’t s-see my family again b-because I’m here!” I whimpered, scared of my proposal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re getting better kiddo. I promise.” She assured me. “Your improvements are coming along well. And you’ll see your family again, probably sometime tonight actually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ended up curled up in her lap, crying into her shoulder. I did feel a bit better after crying but I still had my arms wrapped around her. “I-I’m sorry.” I said, wiping my tears away lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay kiddo, I don’t mind at all. Are you feeling better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I guess so. Your clothes are all wet now…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “They’re just clothes. They’ll dry. I don’t mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can I have w-water?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “I’ll have to leave you for a few minutes to get it though. Is that alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay. Pl-please come back th-though….” I murmured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” She nodded. “But you’ll have to get off of me first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I crawled off of her lap. “S-sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine kiddo. I’ll be back in a few minutes with some water.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and curled up in the corner as I waited. Joanne returned before Indigo did and she gave me a scowl as she realised I was alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where did Indigo go?” She asked forcefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sh-she w-went to g-get some w-water. I-I’m sorry!” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, she’s not supposed to leave you alone.” Dr Jo muttered, sitting down next to me, a bit close for comfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shifted away slightly. “I-I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not your fault.” She mumbled, her mind obviously elsewhere.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-are you o-okay?” I asked hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She glanced up at me. “Oh. Yeah, sorry. Just, there’s a lot on my mind at the moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, um….okay.” I murmured. Indigo then returned with the requested water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here you go kiddo. You’re back, Joanne.” She said, handing me the water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a hesitant sip, worried about whether or not they were going to fight again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did the meeting with the board go about the music?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you leave her unattended?” Joanne asked, ignoring Indigo’s question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s been in here almost 5 hours without a drink of water. I didn’t want to dehydrate her, so I disappeared around the corner to get some water.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you couldn’t have gotten someone else to watch her or get someone else to get it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jason was outside, I asked him to come in here, but he clearly didn’t listen. I swear, when that guy is on his break, it’s like he’s in Europe already.” Indigo defended. “I did try, Jo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” She sighed. “And she’s allowed music for an hour. That’s what I got out of them. It should take her until she’s out at least.” She stated, answering Indigo’s previous question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good!” Indigo smiled. Then her face fell. “Are you okay Jo? You look really stressed out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine. Just trying to organise too many things at once, I guess.” She responded reluctantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sat down next to her. “Do you think you should take the rest of the day off? Take some time to clear your head?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I’d love to, but I have too much to get done.” She said standing up. “I’ll be back in an hour to see if she can come out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jo, I don’t think that that’s-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed as Joanne left the room, the door closing behind her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is she okay?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She got some pretty horrible news this morning. She’s just a bit stressed. She’ll be fine though, she always pulls herself out of these sorts of things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so. She scares me when she’s grumpy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo chuckled. “She scares a lot of people when she’s grumpy. She should come good, I’ll make her take tomorrow off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Where were we? Do you like music? What type of music do you like actually?” I asked</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo laughed. “Glad to see you’re feeling better kiddo. I may not look it, but I’m a huge heavy metal fan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s pretty cool. I don’t know much about music and haven’t heard lots. On that note actually, can you put some music on, just as some background music to distract from the silence?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure. What sort of music do you like?” She asked, pulling her phone out of her pocket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm, there was this one song, I don’t know what the band is called, they’re apparently dad’s friends, the song was called Holding Onto You.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Some twenty one pilots action. Nice. I’ll put it on now. This is a good song.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that what they are called? Twenty one pilots?” I asked, hoping I understood what she had said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yup. They’re cool.” She nodded, selecting the song.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay! Um…..What’s your favourite animal?” I asked, perking up a bit after the music started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really like penguins.” She grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re cute.” I smiled. “I like pandas. They’re cute too!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They are! That’s why I bought a border collie, they look like little pandas!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled. “I never thought of it that way!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Trust me, once you realise it, you’ll never see it differently.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can imagine it now! What else can we talk about. Flowers! What flowers do you like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not a flower person.” She said, scrunching her nose up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm...Do you like plants in general?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have a couple of succulents, I guess.” She shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um…..Are you in a relationship?” I asked, feeling like a middle schooler talking about crushes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I just have my dog and my cat and my succulents. It’s good though, I can go out a lot more, which I love to do. I go to a lot of concerts.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like fun.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled slightly. “It is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you like drawing?” I asked, not sure what else I could talk about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “I studied art at college at the same time I studied psychology.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool. What do you like drawing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“On Sundays I go down to the markets, and I do caricatures of people for $10. I don’t do it for the money though, it’s just a bit of a hobby. And the reactions I get from people when I show them, it’s absolutely priceless.” She said with a grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Sounds like a lot of fun. I’d love to sell my art eventually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you like to draw?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I think I’m getting pretty good at it too personally. Still need some work in certain areas but it’s fun to do as a pastime.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool. You’ll have to show me sometime.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “That’s if I remember. Will I still get to see you around even after I leave the hospital?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “If your parents say so, I can be your psychologist if you’d like. If not, I still help out at the support group Jo signed you up for.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right……” I mumbled unhappily</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I’m just not looking forward to the whole support group thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you worried about?” Indigo questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The people.” I murmured. “I’m just being irrational. “It’s good I’ll probably get to see you again though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does the thought of being around people with similar conditions to you scare you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded lightly. “I guess so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you think that is?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “I’m afraid I’ll be worse than everyone else and they’ll make fun of me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She considered for a moment. “You won’t be the worst one there, I promise. You’ll actually be one of the better ones, considering that some of these kids get really bad delusions and hallucinations.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t w-want to g-go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise you kiddo, you’ll really like it. There’s free pizza afterwards too! And we play lots of games, and it’s generally really fun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-will there be alot of t-talking to n-new people?” I stammered nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can open up at your own pace. If you’re nervous about speaking to new people, you don’t have to do it as much. Just enter slowly, and you’ll figure it out with time. Plus, I’ll be there if you need someone to talk to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can I just talk to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If that’s what you want to do, sure.” She said. “It’s all up to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-what’s therapy like? I-I’ve only been once for the eating thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at me. “It’s just like this. We just talk about the things that are bothering you and I’ll help you come up with ways to help you manage them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it scary?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, it’s not scary at all.” Indigo promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry you have to sit here with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. It’s honestly quite nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re in a room with a crazy person and nothing else. I can’t imagine that’s nice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m in a room with a lovely girl and I’m having a great time talking about all sorts of different things.” She corrected me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you become a psychologist anyway?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled at me. “I guess it started when I was about your age. My sister, younger, was diagnosed with depression, and I really wanted to help her. So I did a lot of research on that sort of thing, and I just became really interested in the way the human brain works, and I decided that I wanted to spend my life helping people like my sister get better and live better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you pick and choose your patients or are they just given to you?” I asked, slightly interested in the process. “Because there has to be a lot of people coming for help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I suppose it’s a mix of both. People come to the practice I work at, and then they get a test, and then they get matched with a psychologist who is the best fit for them. Sometimes people come in and just want to speak to a particular person, and that’s fine too. I specialise in young people, so I don’t really see a lot of adults. I do get a say in who I treat, so if I felt that a patient was making me feel unsafe, then I could pass them onto someone else. It’s a complicated process.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-do I make you f-feel unsafe?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, No, of course not! I’ve only ever felt unsafe once, and that’s because there was this teenage boy who had gone and found my social media profiles and printed out the pictures and put them on his walls. I moved him to see a colleague who is a man. You’re nowhere near making me feel unsafe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but I’m in a venting room! I could h-hurt someone! That’s wh-why I’m here!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, when I say ‘unsafe’ I mean unsafe in general. It’s not one or two incidents. So, sure, when you were punching the room, that was a moment that scared me a little, but when I say ‘unsafe’ I mean that I feel unsafe every time I am around you. I’m not feeling unsafe right now, in fact I’m rather relaxed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t f-feel safe because of m-me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you explain that a little more?” Indigo asked, her face instantly becoming more concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been having fits of anger, I was punching the wall and I’ve pulled half of my hair out. It’s hard to feel safe in my own body. And then I still want to feel pain, I’m just trying to ignore the urge.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you’re doing a good job ignoring it. Do you, hmm… Do you think that your parents would agree if I were to prescribe you some medications to help you with those urges?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I guess so. C-can you t-tell me how you help me s-stop them? N-not so I can do it, b-but so I know what’s going on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s a little more complicated than that.” Indigo told me awkwardly. “Honestly, what you’re doing now is fantastic. It takes time and medication for them to stop, I’m afraid, plus lots of therapy and group.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “O-okay.” I stammered, slightly intimidated the the thought of the entire process.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joanne entered the room again. “How is everything going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“G-good...I guess?” I answered unsurely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned to Indigo. “Do you believe she’s ready to be moved back to the other room?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo nodded happily. “She should be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“R-really?” I asked excitedly at the thought of seeing my parents again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep. You’ve done remarkably well kiddo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gripped the wall and pulled myself to my feet. “C-can we go now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Joanne? Is the room ready?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “It’s ready. Follow me, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I went to take a step forward, before my useless legs gave up on me once again and I almost tumbled to the floor. Indigo caught me just in time and helped me back up. I tried to blink away the obvious tears pooling in my eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here kiddo. I’ll help you.” She said, putting an arm around me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry.” I whimpered. “My body is just useless.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no it’s not. Come on, let’s go. We’ll take it slow, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and wiped away the forming tears. “O-okay. I’m just excited to get out, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “I know. Let’s head off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hobbled out with Indigo’s help and we finally got to the room. Indigo helped me into the bed and then sat down beside me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this a bit better, kiddo? It’s a lot nicer in here.” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s incredible.” I said with a small smile. Then I looked around the bed and frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-Have y-you s-seen my blanket?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joanne nodded. “I gave it to your father. Do you want me to go get it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can I s-see them too?” I asked hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both shrugged. Then Joanne spoke up. “I don’t see why not. I’ll be back, hopefully with Brendon and Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled at the thought of seeing my parents in here. It had only been a few hours since I had last seen them, but it felt longer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Thank you for staying with me.” I whispered to Indigo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. I’d be pretty bored right now if you weren’t around. I’ve been pretty free lately. There’s only so much nothingness one can handle.” She smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly. “Anyway, thank you. You really helped.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad. It’s good to see you feeling better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joanne walked back in the room, Brendon and Sarah following her. Their faces lit up when they saw me, and before I knew it, I was enveloped in the biggest family cuddle I had ever experienced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I missed you guys.” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We missed you too bub. God, we were so scared. It’s so good to see you’re okay.” Sarah said, pulling me closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I scared you. A-at least I’m feeling better now?” I responded unsurely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s fine little worm.” Brendon mumbled into my shoulder. “I know you c-can’t control it. I-It’s so good t-to s-see you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got to meet Indigo though.” I smiled. “She’s super nice and helped me and talked to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo gave an awkward wave from the side of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you Mom and Dad. Thank you for sticking with me through this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem at all bub.” Sarah sniffled, getting a little emotional. “We love you so goddamn much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-how are you Sarah? Are you feeling better? I’m sorry you were there when it all started….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled weakly. “I-I’m much better now t-that I know you’re o-okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-how are you Brendon?” A-are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled. “I’m all good little worm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked down at the bed. “D-do you g-guys have m-my blanket?” I asked sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon nodded and handed it to me. I snuggled up with the blanket happily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does that help?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded happily. “Has Brendon’s cologne on it too.” I giggled. “Very manly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon smiled. “Very.” he added. “It’s the manliest cologne ever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled. “So what have you two been doing?” I asked, bundled up in the blankets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We just went home for a bit, had a bit of a conversation about everything that’s been happening over the past couple of weeks, made a few phone calls, and did some house hunting on our phones in the waiting room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you found any houses yet?” I asked, my curiosity peaked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They exchanged a glance. “Yeah, we’ve found one…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool, I guess. Where is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s about half an hour from here.” Sarah mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The house, um, the house is….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong with the house?” I asked, a little more worried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just not what we expected to fall for, but we think it’ll be pretty good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what were you expecting to fall for? D-do you have a p-picture?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The pictures all look normal, there’s well, there’s no bathroom in it at the moment. Or kitchen. It really needs a renovation.” Sarah stammered. “But the outdoor area is recently renovated, and there’s a pool too. And a studio for Brendon’s music.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So….we won’t be moving for awhile?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah forced a smile. “No, we’re just moving in with Lindsey, Gerard and Bandit while the fittings go in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay!” I smiled. “That’s cool, I guess. Do they have enough room though?” I asked, slightly concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, they have a massive house.” Brendon explained. “They’ll letting us stay there over Christmas, and the house should be done in early January, just in time for you to go back to school.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh….right…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Speaking of that…” Sarah added. “I called your new school. They’re still totally happy for you to begin in the new year. They were really helpful actually, supposedly they have a program that can help you with extra study and such, and there’s a school counsellor there too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Do you think I’ll still p-pass my classes?” I asked hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Course you will bub.” Sarah assured me. “You’re still one of the smartest kids I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but I can’t communicate it properly. What about written essays?!” I panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can type them.” Sarah tried to comfort. “It’ll work out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to become stupid!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not stupid, and you won’t become stupid. I promise.” Brendon soothed, hugging me tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And wh-what if people h-hate me and b-bully me?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then I’ll punch them in the head.” Brendon said plainly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-there’s so much to pick at though. I-I’m-” I began crying. “I feel like I’m mentally retarded!” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Kaitlyn, you’re not! I promise!” Sarah blubbered, pulling me in for a hug. “Kaitlyn you’re not mentally retarded. You’re beautiful and smart and funny and if people can’t see that, then they’re the mentally retarded ones.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to wipe away the tears with my blanket. “I-I wanna be home-schooled!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, you have to go to school bub. I know you don’t want to, but you need to.” Sarah tried to say. “Brendon and I aren’t qualified to homeschool you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can’t you l-learn?” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon sighed. “I’m sorry little worm, but you’ve got to go to school.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I covered myself with the blanket and ignored them in a fit of fury, fear and sadness.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0044"><h2>44. Chapter 43- Hurricane of Emotion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>***** Brendon’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s odd. Your appointment with Dr Jo has been cancelled.” Sarah remarked, looking at her phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I racked my brain for answers. “Do you know why?” I asked her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It says here ‘personal issues’. I don’t know what that’s about though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I suppose she has some reason to cancel. Let’s hope I make it until the next session.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s put a number here of another psychologist if you still want to speak to someone. Do you want me to do that?” Sarah proposed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I should be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “Should we start packing Kaitlyn’s room today? Our room is done, the studio is done, the lounge is done.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” I sighed recounting to mere weeks before when we were setting it up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah grabbed some cardboard boxes and a marker, before heading up the steps to Kaitlyn’s room. We looked at it for a moment, a little emotional. It was left in the exact way Kaitlyn had left it before she had been admitted to hospital. Her sketchbook was still open on the desk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-we should get started.” Sarah said nervously, walking over to the bookshelf.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started packing up her clothes. The silence wasn’t helping, so I started humming a tune to motivate me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah hummed along to a similar tune, and that seemed to help both of us. Until Sarah stopped suddenly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up?” I asked, turning to face her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was flicking through an exercise book. “Brendon, look at this.” She asked, a grave tone in her voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wandered over and glanced at what she was looking at. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, she’s been tracking every cent we’ve spent on her. Look at this, right down to the cost of that pack of twizzlers you bought her ages ago.” Sarah said, putting the book down on the bed so we could both see.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wonder why she’s so concerned with it all. It seems like it’s always at the forefront of her mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She feels guilty, Brendon. Look, on the front, it says right there, ‘money I have to pay back’. God, Brendon. What did we do to make her feel like this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve got to talk to her about this. This can’t continue, it’s going to kill her if she keeps obsessing over every single thing we buy her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How can we possibly convince her to stop though? How do you even bring that up?” I asked. “It’s horrible to think that she feels like she needs to pay us back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s not getting this back, that’s for sure.” Sarah muttered, flipping through the book. “It just hurts to know that she was hiding this from us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and headed back to the cupboard. I pulled a dark box out of the cupboard, took a glance before throwing it onto the bed, not wanting to see it again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that Bren?” Sarah asked, turning around to see me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “Just…..things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What things?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t know it was that bad.” I murmured to myself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it Brendon?” Sarah asked a little more urgently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The box, there’s like, blades in there, and bloodied tissue and….I don’t know. It’s just….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah dropped the sketchbook in her hand. “W-what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know. I didn’t want to look for longer than I had to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-we’ve got to have a long conversation with our daughter, Brendon.” Sarah stammered. “I don’t even want to look in there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just d-don’t. It’s bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Some of these drawings though Bren, they’re really disturbing.” Sarah gulped as she picked up the sketchbook she had dropped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked over her shoulder and saw immediately saw what she meant. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why doesn’t she tell us these things?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know Bren. Maybe she doesn’t trust us as much as we thought she did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Well when are we going to talk to her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Later today when we go in to see her. We should probably keep going, see if we find anything else.” Sarah mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I dug through the cupboard and packed clothes. I didn’t find much more until the end. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, do you know how long the hair pulling thing has been going on?” I asked, finding a clump of hair sitting right at the back of the cupboard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought it was new.” She said, walking up next to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s it going on your end. Anything else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Brendon I think I found s-something.” She said nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A collection of journals. They date from when she was about 11 right up to now. The stuff in there is bad, Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s in there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Read this page. I think she was about 12 when she wrote this.” Sarah said, handing me a notebook.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Today Mrs slammed a door on my toe. It really hurt. I was screaming and crying and she wouldn’t drive me to the hospital. And then Gretchen laughed at me and it made me feel really bad. She filled my shampoo up with hair dye again, and now my hair is bright blue! All the kids at school are laughing at me! I locked myself in a closet at school today, I was crying really badly and I didn’t want anybody to see, and the the school called mrs when I didn’t show up for class and now I’m not allowed dinner for 3 weeks! Gretchen said it would do be good, that it would help me be less fat.  I found one of the older girl’s razors in the bathroom today. I haven’t told anyone, but I used it. I made a bit of a mess but I cleaned it up before anybody noticed the blood in the shower. I have the blade hidden under my bedpost. I just hope that nobody finds it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt tears pricking my eyes. “W-why?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m going t-to drop t-these off a-at the p-police s-station…” Sarah said nervously. “T-there’s e-evidence i-in here a-against t-the w-woman.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay. Are you going now?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “W-we need to finish p-packing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well the wardrobe is done.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-that’s good I guess.” Sarah mumbled. “We need to do the s-shelf and t-the bed and the desk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I d-don’t want to see anything else. I-I’ll take off the sheets and start taking apart the bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “O-Okay. I-I’ll s-start on the desk. T-the only thing left o-on the shelf is the b-books and t-that should be e-easy if you w-want to do that next.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. This is much harder than I thought it would be.” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “D-do you think we’re invading her privacy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess, but it can't get done any other way sadly. Let’s hope she forgives us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I hope so.” Sarah mumbled, walking over to the desk and packing up the schoolbooks that were scattered there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m really worried about the whole school thing.” I said, folding the bed sheets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’s that Bren?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if something goes wrong? What if she is bullied?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The school told me that they have an extensive anti-bullying program.” Sarah told me. “If not, I suppose we’ll work something out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope it works out. The house, the school, the whole therapy business. There’s just so much we’re changing and I don’t want it to all fall in on itself.” I explained. “I’m sorry, I’m focusing on what could go wrong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah shivered. “It still scares me that she’s schizophrenic Bren. That’s really serious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. The poor kid’s got so much going on.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not fair.” Sarah said quietly, sitting down to pack the contents of the desk drawers. “What did she do to deserve this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It seems like the only people who have done something to deserve this are the people who left all beat up and broken, inside and out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah didn’t respond, she was too busy gaping at the contents of the middle drawer. I glanced over at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong Sarah? What did you find?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-” She tried to say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I came up and looked over her shoulder to see what she was looking at.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Oh my G-God.” I mumbled, stumbling backwards.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She rolled backwards and curled up on the chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah what w-was t-that?” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I-I-” She stammered. “I-I don’t w-want to know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pushed the desk drawer closed without looking at the contents again. “W-we n-need to s-sort it out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t finish this. I-I just can’t!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed, looking around the unfinished room. “S-should we c-call s-someone to d-do it for us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but who, Brendon? Who could w-we possibly convince to c-come in and l-let them see that?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and pulled Sarah into a hug. “W-why wouldn’t she tell us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah was crying. “A-are we bad parents, Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears started leaking out of my own eyes. “I-I p-probably a-am. Y-you’re the b-best at i-it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not Brendon. I didn’t even realise any of this was happening.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what d-do you t-think s-s-she’s doing w-with t-them?” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know Brendon, b-but there was a lot of money in there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you d-don’t t-think s-she’s…” I trailed off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah gulped nervously. “I’m honestly afraid she might be Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but w-why?” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Wh-why would she ever need that much?” She stammered, clearly becoming heavily involved in her thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“L-let’s just p-put it in a b-box and w-we c-can ask h-her about i-it l-later.” I suggested nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah quickly pulled the draw out and dumped it in a box before closing it, not looking at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-alright. L-let’s j-just f-finish boxing e-everything u-up.” Sarah stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nervously went through and packed everything else away, just leaving the furniture.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s done.” She sighed, leaning against the wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“L-let’s go downstairs.” I suggested, not wanting to be in here much longer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked downstairs and looked around. The house was bare and now was stripped of personality. Everything was packed away in boxes that were lining the walls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The moving truck gets here tomorrow.” Sarah mumbled as she put the kettle on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, are you excited to be moving?” I asked. “It’s kind of distressing at the moment but have you thought about it? It’s a whole new place!”I enthused. “And when it’s done, it’ll be an awesome new place too!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Yeah, I’m just worried about Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, so am I.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of all the things she could get involved with! I thought, I honestly thought she was a good kid. That she’d never dream of things like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m just hoping there is some kind of viable reason. She is a good kid, I know she is. There has to be a reason.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what sort of good reason c-can you have for d-doing these sorts of things?!” Sarah exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-maybe...d-do you t-think that m-maybe the s-schizophrenia was c-caused b-by, use?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-” I considered. “M-maybe. We’ll have to talk to someone who knows more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I never d-dreamed that s-she’d even try something like t-that Bren.” Sarah blubbered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled her in for a hug. “I know babe, I know.We won’t know what’s going on until we can get her to tell us. She’s probably the only one who knows.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-we need to s-speak to h-her.” Sarah sniffled, getting off the stool and grabbing her bag. “L-let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I followed her out the door and took the lead, driving to the hospital for her. I grabbed her hand and walked her in toward Kaitlyn’s room. Indigo was in the room with her and they were talking when we walked in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is it okay if we just have a little family chat?” I asked Indigo nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo nodded and said her goodbyes before walking out of the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah and I stood either side of the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, we need to talk.” I stated, beginning the dreaded conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what’s wrong?” She stammered, tucking herself in a ball, the way she always did when she was nervous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We were packing up your room and found…..things.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All the blood drained out of her face. “W-what things?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll work up towards the big thing. Firstly, when did the hair pulling start Kaitlyn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I um… well… s-sometimes at n-night I w-would wake up and I-I would h-have done i-it in m-my sleep. D-doing it w-while I was awake d-didn’t s-start until r-recently.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so do you wish to explain the clump of hair I found in your wardrobe? When and how did it happen?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shuddered nervously. “I-I had t-this r-really b-bad n-nightmare and I w-woke up a-and I didn’t k-know w-where to p-put it s-so I j-just p-put it in the c-closet and f-forgot a-about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, and I suppose I should ask about the box. What do you have to say about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-the box?” She stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The dark one I found in your cupboard.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gulped nervously, before bursting into tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you don’t want to talk about it Kaitlyn, but we need to go over this. And we can’t stop now. There’s still more after this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I j-just, I-I…” She sobbed, unable to form complete words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are they? Can you show me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her arms were clean, no scars at all. I pulled the blanket down off of her legs and sighed when I saw the lines dotting her thighs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn…” Sarah sighed, pulling her into a hug. “Why didn’t you tell us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-because you were going to g-get mad! Y-you’re mad at me now!” She sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m not mad, I’m j-just...d-disappointed.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you ever intend on telling us?” Sarah asked, wiping away her forming tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I-I was g-getting b-better. I-I had s-stopped f-for al-almost a m-month. I-I t-thought it w-was g-good, a-and because I-I w-wasn’t d-doing i-it anymore, I-I wouldn’t n-need t-to t-tell you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s continue.” I sighed. “Sketchbooks and journals. Where do you want to start?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you r-read m-my j-journal?!” She shrieked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-and your list of stuff you had to pay us back for.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-oh g-god.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Firstly, let’s just make it clear that you don’t have to pay us back and two, just so you know, the journals are going to the police.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s move on from that. Uh….Middle desk drawer……” I said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She started to hyperventilate. “No no no nononono please no!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah pulled her in tight and made sure she couldn’t move her arms. “It’s okay. Try to breath, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears started running down her face. “No no no no! P-please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll come back to that, okay, but you need to focus on breathing. In and out bub. Bren, can you get Indigo in here?”  Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ran out of the room and found Indigo outside, and brought her back in to try and help calm Kaitlyn down. She was trying her hardest to squirm out of Sarah’s grip, her hands trying to make their way to the small amount of hair she had left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo was panicking. “Kaitlyn, I really need you to breathe. You’re going pass out if you don’t. Just relax, and breathe. Stop fighting Sarah. She’s only trying to help you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn pressed her hands to her ears and screamed, rocking herself back and forth on the bed in an act that almost sent me into meltdown myself. Sarah dropped her in shock and stumbled backwards into the wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘1,2,3. Calm down Brendon, she needs you right now! Pull yourself together!’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo was frantically pulling Kaitlyn’s hand away from her head and trying to get her to breathe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn! Kaitlyn, please!” She begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah was just watching helplessly. I could tell she felt ridiculously guilty. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Guys,” Indigo said nervously. “I hate to say this, but I think you’re triggering her. And I hate to ask, but can you two just go wait out in the hall for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I lightly nodded and took Sarah’s hand, leading her into the hallway. Sarah immediately broke down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-she’s, s-she’s…” She sobbed into my shoulder. “S-she’s…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hugged her and tried desperately to comfort her. “Shhhh. It’s okay.” I tried to assure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Brendon w-we t-triggered her!” She sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know. It’s really scary babe, but we can’t do anything right now. Just hold on for me.” I whispered, giving her a small kiss to try to soothe her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We stood in the corridor for about half an hour. Eventually, we knocked on the door gently, hoping to hear some news about what was going on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come in.” Indigo said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gently pushed open the door and we entered. Kaitlyn was crying hysterically into Indigo’s shoulder, which broke my heart, but she was breathing and she wasn’t trying to pull her hair out, so I suppose she was feeling better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-hey bub…” Sarah said nervously, walking over to Kaitlyn’s side. “I-I’m sorry. I d-didn’t mean to t-trigger something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m s-sorry f-for p-panicking.” Kaitlyn sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah pulled Kaitlyn into a hug. “It’s not your fault. I understand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I turned to Indigo while Sarah and Kaitlyn were talking. She was standing over the side of the room, quietly watching the conversation for any intervals where she might be required to step in and assist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-how did you get K-Kaitlyn to calm down? N-nobody has been ever to get h-her to br-breathe and calm down when she’s t-that far into an attack.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled slightly. “I don’t know. I just did what everyone normally does, it’s procedure. But I suppose it’s because it was me, and because she knew me, and I was able to draw on some things she had told me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh.” I remarked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s honestly a good kid. But she does have one of the worst mental health cases I’ve ever seen in someone her age. What exactly were you talking about that triggered her like that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I, um, we’re in the process of moving house at the moment, and while Sarah and I were packing up her room, we found some things that were...concerning I suppose. We were asking her about those.” I said nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like, what sorts of things?” Indigo asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um...we found some self harm things, some journals and sketchbooks with some disturbing content, and a couple other things. We were just a bit shocked because we didn’t know, nobody had told us, so we were asking about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Indigo gulped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It was a bit of a shock to find…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can imagine. Do you want me to wait outside so you can finish your conversation?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If that’s okay with you, yeah.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo left and Kaitlyn was panicking slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry.” She muttered, looking away from us.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s okay. But we need to know. I’m sorry about the delivery. I didn’t mean to be that mean. Just talk us through it at your own pace, okay?” I instructed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why did you go through my st-stuff?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-We’re p-packing Kaitlyn. We're moving h-house. A-All the rooms are p-packed now.” I stammered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I should’ve b-been allowed to p-pack mine!” She yelled. “Th-that’s invasion of my privacy!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“K-Kaitlyn we left your room till last. The moving truck comes tomorrow, we couldn't put it off any longer. I'm sorry little worm, but this was the only thing we could do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-now you hate me…..” She murmured tearfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, we don't hate you Bub. But we want to know, why? How? What reason could you have for the….” Sarah trailed off into silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I n-need and st-still need money. A-and I-I wanted to stop b-but they were threatening m-me and-!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you need money? Why do you still need money?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I n-needed money b-because I was going to run away, f-from the group home that is a-and I n-need some way to p-pay you back. A-and all the surgeries and stuff can’t be cheap s-so I need m-more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed. “We told you Bub, we don't want you paying us back anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but, i-its so m-much!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, I understand why you wanted money, but why did you want </span>
  <em>
    <span>drug </span>
  </em>
  <span>money?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I didn’t r-really. Th-these kids, th-they gave me some o-once, then I m-made friends with them a-and they t-told me h-how much I could make. B-but then they tried to g-get me in trouble. I-I didn’t know it was wr-wrong at first, I swear!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, can you answer me honestly,” Sarah asked nervously. “Did you ever </span>
  <em>
    <span>use </span>
  </em>
  <span>any of the things you were selling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gulped before glumly nodded. “I-I-!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God.” Sarah muttered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How often? When did this start?!” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I started t-taking them m-maybe, t-two years ago? A-and selling m-maybe around o-one?” She answered hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah tried to hold back tears. “Y-you know y-you can be in a l-lot of t-trouble for t-this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I know and I w-want to st-stop b-but I d-don’t know how!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you're not getting any more. We're getting rid of all of it, okay? No more.” I said firmly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded before making an interjection. “B-but they are g-going to g-get angry at m-me! Th-they n-need their money…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There's about 5 grand in there Kaitlyn. Whoever they are, you can give them that, and then we cut them off, fair enough?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. She then went to say something but stopped herself.  “I-I-” She took a moment to compose herself. “I-I’ve b-been craving them l-lately.” She admitted guiltily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “H-has this been a regular thing for y-you or just on o-occassion?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It b-became more regular over t-time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-do you think i-it’s an addiction?” Sarah asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t kn-know. M-maybe?” She stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-have you been taking these while you’ve lived with us?!” I asked, realisation setting in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked down guiltily. “I-I’m sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. “How!? When!? Why!? Why Kaitlyn!? Why?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-because I was scared Brendon, and hurting! It’s just how I cope!” She whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Tell me what you’ve been taking.” I demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know! I-it just depends wh-what I h-have at the t-time!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What sort of things? The recreational stuff or the really hard stuff?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh…..” She stammered. “I-I…...I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I couldn’t do it any longer. I stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind me. I wandered down the corridors until I knew nobody was following, before I sunk to the floor and cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Kaitlyn’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, god! He’s mad now Kaitlyn! Why did you say that!” I scolded myself quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah looked like she was about to cry. “H-He’s j-just a l-little s-shocked bub. S-so a-am I.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry! I-I d-didn’t want you to find out!” I admitted, curling up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. T-that’s why they were hidden.” Sarah sniffled. “B-but you’re not d-doing them a-anymore. N-not at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-But I n-need them Sarah!” I sobbed. “I-I c-can’t just stop! P-please don’t m-make me try! I c-can’t!” I wept.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t need them Kaitlyn. You don’t. We’ll help you get off them, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-alright.” I sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah looked at me. “What drove you to start in the first place?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “A-at the time I was in a really d-dark place. I-I was c-cutting e-every night a-and I w-was being b-bullied a-at school and a-at the place I-I lived too. My b-best friend had just m-moved overseas a-and I h-had no w-way of t-talking to her anymore. T-there was this g-guy at school, h-he started t-talking t-to me, and I r-really liked that, a-and he invited m-me around the b-back of the school o-one day a-and ,a-and…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long do you think you’ve been, well, addicted?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m n-not addicted though!” I retaliated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You just begged me to let you have them because you </span>
  <em>
    <span>need </span>
  </em>
  <span>them. Kaitlyn, you have a drug addiction.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I began crying. “I-I don’t! I swear!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good then. Because you’re not having any more drugs. Brendon and I are getting rid of them for good.” She said firmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! Please! I’ll cut down, anything b-but I need them Sarah!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, I’m not saying it will be easy, but it needs to happen. This is really, really serious bub. These drugs can make you really sick, they can ruin your mind! We’re getting you off them, and you’re never going to touch them again, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-at least l-let me have s-some! P-please!” I cried. “D-don’t get rid of all of them! P-please!” I was crying madly now and was choking slightly on my words in desperation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, listen to yourself. You have a drug addiction bub, as much as it kills me to tell you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-” I murmured. “I-I g-guess so….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah ran her hands through her hair. “We’re going to try and get you off them ourselves first, okay? If you keep going like this and begging for them back, we may be faced with the option of putting you in rehab.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I couldn’t hold back any longer. The tears were falling fast and I couldn’t control it. “P-please, I-I’ll try! I-I don’t w-want to go to rehab Sarah!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I don’t want to send you there. So we’re going to work on getting you off the drugs ourselves, and that will only be a last resort, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay…” I sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know the names of </span>
  <em>
    <span>any </span>
  </em>
  <span>of the things you’ve been taking?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Th-they have w-weird names. I c-can’t remember.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright.” Sarah sighed. “We’ll get what we found tested, we can find out what’s in them, and what they are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I know this is silly b-but can I-I have a h-hug? I-if you still l-love me, I-I guess…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah pulled me in tight. “Of course I still love you bub. I always will. I don’t love these things though, not at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I melted in her arms and just enjoyed her embrace. “I-I’m sorry I m-make you do this s-stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine Kaitlyn.” She sniffled. “It’s fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what about Brendon? D-does he l-love me st-still?” I asked hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. He loves you so much, and so do I. That’s why we care so much, because we don’t want these things hurting you anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I shouldn’t h-have gone so long! I-I should’ve stopped myself!” I wept. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, yes…” Sarah mumbled. “But it’s too late to change the past. We’re focusing on the future, okay? New start for you, and new start for Brendon and I.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-are the puppies okay? Is Gerard okay for them to be there?” I changed the topic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “We’re moving out officially on the weekend, everything’s in boxes. We’re only taking the essentials while we stay with the Way’s, considering that the only thing that needs fixing in the new house is the bathroom and kitchen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m excited. I like Gerard. D-does he know what’s going on with m-me though? Does he hate me?” I panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He doesn’t know yet. We won’t tell him if you don’t want us to, but if it gets bad, then we will have to tell him, alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t w-want him to think I’m crazy Sarah….” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s not going to think you’re crazy, I assure you.” Sarah promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I-I have all this stupid mental issues and the drugs and- I’m crazy….” I murmured. “It’s blatantly obvious. He mightn’t even let me in his house because of the addiction!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, then we’ll stay at a hotel.” Sarah stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to embarrass myself and you too!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t embarrass us bub. You don’t.” Sarah assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your daughter is a drug addict! That’s the worst thing Sarah! Of course I embarrass you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn…” Sarah sighed. “Please, just, you don’t embarrass us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you should t-tell Gerard, s-so he knows what he’s s-signing up for.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure Brendon will.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you c-can l-let everyone in, pl-please. I n-need to distract myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to get Indigo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “A-are you g-going to tell her about th-this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-we’re going to have to bub. T-there’s the chance that the use of the d-drugs is what caused all this.” Sarah admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” I stammered. “Sh-she’s going to a-ask a lot of questions now…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m afraid I can’t do anything about that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“L-let’s get it over and d-done with, I guess.” I murmured. “I j-just hope she d-doesn’t yell.” I curled up at the thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She doesn’t seem like the yelling sort. I’m just going out to talk to her, I’ll be back in a moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay Sarah.” I mumbled</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave me one last hug before walking out of the room, leaving me on my own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I began imagine every possible horrible scenario at once, and felt overwhelmed. I wanted someone in here so bad, but I wasn’t going to make a scene. I tried to think about something else but it didn’t work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I threw the blankets off my legs and, gripping the rails of the bed with all my might, I tried to climb out. However, my legs gave up on me, and I fell to the ground with a loud shriek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah and Indigo ran in. “I-I’m okay. I-I’m okay.” I tried to assure before I began crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both helped me back up into bed and Indigo went out for a moment, before returning with a bandaid to put on the spot where I’d grazed my knee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you try to climb out of bed?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I was overwhelmed. I-I needed to talk to s-someone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could’ve just called me kiddo, I was right outside.” Indigo said gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry. I wasn’t th-thinking straight. I-I was scared.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sat on the end of my bed. “What were you scared of?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “I-I th-thought y-you would y-yell at me…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “No, I’m not going to yell at you. There’s no point in yelling at patients, it only makes them feel bad, and it makes me feel bad too. I’ll never yell at you kiddo, that’s something I can promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose we should talk about what your parents found in your bedroom.” She said, trying to retain her chirpy attitude.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um….” I stammered. “Wh-where are we g-going to start?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it alright if I just go see if I can find Brendon?” Sarah butted in. “I thought he’d be back by now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo nodded. “I’ll be here with her.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah forced a smile before leaving to go and find Brendon. I felt awful for making him so angry that he had to leave like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-what are you going to ask me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, let’s start with how it started, okay? How did it all start?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I was surrounded by b-bad people and th-they kind of s-set it off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you mix with the wrong crowd at school?” Indigo questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Th-they were the only people who w-would actually t-talk to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So when it started, you were doing it to fit in with your peers?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I-I guess so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Were there any other factors that led to this?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well once I started, I began to like the way I felt with it and I wanted to feel like that again. I didn’t feel as bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s generally the way those things tended to go. How did you start the dealing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well my </span>
  <em>
    <span>friends </span>
  </em>
  <span>told me it was the easiest way to make a lot of money quickly. They gave me some to s-sell.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you want to do it, or was it also to fit in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t want to do it at first but once I had some money, I started coming up with plans for it.” I admitted sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah? What were your plans?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked down at my lap. “I-I was g-going to run away from the g-group home. I-I was in a really bad p-place at the t-time and i-it had g-gotten to t-the point w-where I didn’t c-care about w-whether I l-lived or died. So then I-I d-decided I would r-run away, and t-t-the money was going t-to pay f-for that. L-like, a h-house and f-food until I-I was o-old enough t-to g-get a j-job.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And so were you taking them often at that point of time? When did the taking of them start?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I was taking th-them b-before b-but th-the taking g-got w-worse as I b-began feeling worse. A-and then I th-think that’s pr-probably wh-when the a-addi-” I couldn’t go on. The thought of an addiction scared me and brought many tears to my eyes. “I-I’m n-not addicted! I sw-swear! I-I-! I-I’m fine, y-you believe me, r-right? Y-you believe I-I’m not a-addicted, d-don’t you?!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As much as I’d like to…” She mumbled. “I’m afraid you've got an addiction kiddo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but I don't!” I protested. “I j-just l-like it, I swear! It’s not an addiction!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, the first step to getting better is realising you have a problem.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I curled away from her. “I d-don’t have a problem.” I stated shakily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn. You have a problem. A serious one, at that. You do realise that if me or your parents turned this into the police, you’d be going to juvie right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “N-no! Please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Relax kiddo, we’re not turning you in. But you have to acknowledge that this is a problem.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t w-want to have an addiction!” I wept. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. Nobody </span>
  <em>
    <span>wants </span>
  </em>
  <span>you to have an addiction. But you do, and we have to deal with that now, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can you g-get rid of it?” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can.” Indigo stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I want mom and dad here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to go see if I can find them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please.” I replied. Indigo walked out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I laid silently, contemplating the situation and just ended up worrying myself more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon and Sarah then came in with Indigo trailing behind. Sarah looked to me, worried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you o-okay bub?” She asked. I simply shook my head and hid in sheets, afraid of what Brendon was going to say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please d-don’t y-yell at m-me Brendon. P-please!” I begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He came closer. “I’m not going to yell little worm. I’m mad at you for not telling us, yes, but I want to make sure you’re okay and you get the help you need, okay? Yelling isn’t going to help you get better.” He wrapped me in a tight hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m s-s-so s-sorry!” I wept into his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright Kaitlyn. The fact is, nobody was there to tell you it was wrong, and you didn’t know any better. We’ll just focus on helping you get rid of them now, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “O-okay Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. Now, can you take a big deep breath for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed onto his shirt and brought him close as I breathed in. I found myself comforted by his warmth and the strong musky scent of his cologne which made it easier to relax and breathe. “I-I’m sorry I p-pulled you t-t-towards me B-Brendon!” I apologized frantically, not sure how he would react. “I-I should’ve a-asked! I’m s-s-so stupid!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not stupid little worm. It’s fine. I like it.” Brendon soothed, holding me close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I k-keep messing up….” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you’re not.” Brendon assured me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled lightly. “I-I feel a b-bit better now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good little worm.” Brendon smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I wanna g-get better. B-but I’m afraid it’ll b-be really h-hard. I’m sc-scared….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to be scared. Sarah and I are here to support you. We’ll be here all the way.” Brendon assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s going to t-take a long t-time isn't it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon nodded. “Yeah. I’m going through a similar thing though. Do you think we can help each other through this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I-I’m going to n-need you to h-hold on and k-keep g-going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. Will you do the same for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, of course. I-I want to m-make sure you’re happy and healthy d-dad!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon smiled and planted a kiss on my forehead. “Same for you little worm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-do we know when I’m leaving?” I asked nervously. “I-Is it a l-long time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Next week bub.” Sarah said. “Only one more week.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A w-week!? I c-can’t h-handle another w-week!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh…” Sarah soothed. “It’ll go by faster than you think.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-haven’t I b-been here l-long enough already!?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not, uh, stable enough to come home yet…” Brendon said awkwardly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was crying now. The thought of spending even another day in this horrid disastrous place made me sick. “I-I can’t do it.” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes you can. We’ll be here as much as we can.” Sarah promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what am I s-supposed to do for a w-week?!” I asked, extremely distraught by this point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Focus on getting better.” Brendon said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I just sit in a bed and do absolutely nothing for a week.” I responded. “What a delightful life I have.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll bring you some activity books.” Sarah tried to assure me. “And we’ll be here too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to do this anymore. Screw getting better, just let me out of here!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t leave yet little worm. I’m sorry.” Brendon apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I buried myself in the blankets. “I’m just dreaming. None of this has happened and I’ll just wake up at home, and happy.” I tried to assure myself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry bub.” Sarah said, tearing the blankets off my head. “You’re not dreaming.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes I am! I have to be! I can’t really be this screwed up!” I panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh…” Brendon tried to soothe. “Breathe, Kaitlyn. Just breathe for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to live like this! I don’t want to live at all!” I wept.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! No no no no no no no! You want to live little worm! I need you!” Brendon stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to think of the hospital anymore, or anything! I just want peace!” </span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Indigo’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon came racing out of the room and raced up to me. “Kaitlyn’s having a meltdown!” He panted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you identify what’s flaring up in particular?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-she’s having suicidal thoughts!” He blubbered, obviously upset.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I raced into Kaitlyn’s room, not giving it a second thought. “Kaitlyn, Kaitlyn, talk to me, okay? Tell me it all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tossed her head in her hands. “I-I don’t w-want to d-deal with this anymore!” She screamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What don’t you want to deal with, why Kaitlyn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-the h-hospital! M-my own s-stupid t-thoughts! T-the voices i-in my h-head!” She wailed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it’s hard Kaitlyn, but you need to be around to see these things start becoming bearable, okay? You need to stick around to see your hard work pay off.” I explained..</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pressed her hands to her ears and screamed. “SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Although she wasn’t screaming at me. She was screaming at herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, focus on us and they won’t be so loud, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She screamed again. “T-they’re s-screaming a-at me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, Brendon, watch her, okay? I’m going to the pharmacy.” I instructed. “If anything happens get someone in here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded nervously. “O-okay. H-hurry back!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I raced downstairs and contemplated what I could get to possibly mute the voices, even if it were only temporary. Once I was down there, one of the nurses looked gravely concerned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Indigo? What’s up?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just a patient who really needs something.” I responded, walking up to the counter. I looked at the pharmacist. “I need some form of strong antipsychotics. Can you help me?” I rushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “How old is the patient?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s 14 and in the middle of a serious meltdown.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pharmacist grimaced. “I can’t give you something too strong for that age. I can give you these,” She placed a box on the bench. “But I can’t promise they’ll work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there any kind of exception we can make?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I’m afraid not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I placed my hand on my forehead. “There is no way these’ll work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t help you Indy. I’m sorry.” She apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Thanks anyway, I guess. I best be getting back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took the box in the hope that it might help in some form, and I ran back up to Kaitlyn’s room, speeding up the stairs and bursting back in the room. Her condition had worsened, and she was still screaming, rocking herself back and forth on the bed. Sarah looked so scared that she might throw up at any point, as did Brendon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I opened the box and grabbed my water bottle. “Kaitlyn, I need you to take these, okay? They’re going to help you. If we can’t get you better this way, we’ll have to get you in a venting room, okay?” I explained calmly, trying to hide my panic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tried to grab the water, but her hands were shaking too badly to be able to hold it. She nervously opened her mouth, and I popped the pills in, holding the bottle to her lips so she could swallow them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With the water, she quickly swallowed them and curled up. I could tell the voices were still there taunting her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay kiddo.” I said, holding her hand. “Just hold on, okay? Let them do their work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m s-scared!” She wailed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I squeezed her hand. “I know kiddo, it’s very scary, but you have to be super brave for us, okay? You can overcome it, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-they s-say t-to i-ignore y-you!” She cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Try to listen then, okay?”  I urged. “Ignoring me is only going to make them worse. You need to try and ignore them, okay? They are the reason you’re like this. You can’t trust them Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She threw her arms around me in a hug, something that I wasn’t expecting, but accepted none the less. She was shaking, badly, but I held her tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just hold on for me, okay kiddo? It’ll all be over soon, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And as if by some kind of miracle, the weak pills seemed to help. She didn’t seem as scared. She was shaking nonetheless but I could tell they were helping. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that a little bit better now that they’re starting to work?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-a b-bit.” She whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s okay, that’s good. If the pills work properly, you should stop shaking soon, okay? It’ll all be a bit clearer and less busy in your head.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-they’re g-getting s-softer.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. That’s what we want.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I glanced at Sarah, who was looking very relieved that Kaitlyn wasn’t freaking out anymore. Kaitlyn sniffled slightly, still hugging me tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad you’re feeling better kiddo. I don’t like seeing you scared like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t l-like being s-scared.” She mumbled. “I-It’s s-scary.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. That’s why I try to make sure you don’t stay scared for long.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-thank you f-for h-helping m-me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s no problem kiddo.” I assured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She let go of me and retreated back to her spot on the bed. “S-sorry a-about t-that...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s absolutely fine. I’m here to help you in any way to make sure you’re better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah but I-I d-didn’t a-ask…” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about asking about stuff like that, okay? If it’ll make you feel better, do it.” I pushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just f-feel r-really b-bad!” She apologised. “I-I’m s-sorry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now it was my turn. I pulled her in for a hug. “It’s okay, I promise. Don’t feel bad. It’s okay.” I soothed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay.” She sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to stay or do you just want Brendon and Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can you s-stay t-too?” She asked nervously. “O-only if i-it’s no t-trouble.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “It’s not a problem at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-thanks.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down beside the bed and just watched to make sure she recovered fully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I want t-to go home.” She mumbled to herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know kiddo, but you still have to stay a bit longer, which sucks. Hopefully you won’t have to come back much more after that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I have to c-come back?!” She shrieked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well sometimes treatments span over a while, like the ECT. You won’t be here anywhere near as long.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She started to get upset again. “I-I d-don’t want t-to c-come back!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. We’ll try to work it out in some way you don’t, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She started to hyperventilate again. “N-no! P-p-please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You won’t come back, okay. I promise. I know how to kind of prevent it.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-how?” She asked desperately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just some medication for home and stuff, okay? Nothing scary, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” She sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you two okay with that?” I asked, the questions directed at Brendon and Sarah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “Of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And then the obvious therapy. By the way, I kind of just stepped in, but do you guys have a certain psychologist you want Kaitlyn to go to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn grabbed my hand. “C-can I j-just come t-to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only if they say so kiddo. I can’t decide for them.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “That sounds good. Do you have a way we can book in to see you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll just write something out. You can give that to the receptionist at the practise I work at and we can sort it out from there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Sarah smiled slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s truly fine. Kaitlyn’s awesome to work with. She’s a really cool kid to talk to. Aren’t you?” I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blushed and looked down at her lap. “M-maybe…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on.” I urged playfully. “You know it’s true.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tucked her knees up to her chest. “N-no…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m saying you are right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-that’s your o-opinion.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Anyway, what days do you think you are available to come in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anytime. Brendon has his therapy on a Tuesday and a Thursday, so maybe then? We’re available all the time, so just whenever suits you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm. Maybe if we go Tuesday, Thursday and maybe Sunday? I feel like we need three sessions, at least at the start.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn looked glum, but Sarah nodded. “Whatever you think is best.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there a guidance counsellor at the school?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “I called them the other day. Do you want the number?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I need to talk to them, in case something happens there. I also think it may be best if she goes to them once or twice a week.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’ll probably be best.” Sarah agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I scribbled down a note on my notepad and the address of the practise so they could find it. “If you need anything, just give me the heads up. I might give you my phone number too, just in case.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” Sarah smiled, tucking the paper into her purse and grabbing her phone, making a new contact. She handed it to me and I filled the information in, before handing it back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just call me if something seems off or if you have an queries. Worst case, call me as soon as you can if there’s a meltdown or episode situation.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can I h-have your n-number t-too?” Kaitlyn asked nervously. “J-just in c-case.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. You have your phone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah h-has i-it.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah dug a phone out of her bag and I put my number in the contacts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you’re scared or need someone to talk to, call me, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded cautiously. “O-Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any questions so far?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “N-not r-really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going back to the pharmacy to see what I can get you, okay? I’ll be back soon.” I vowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay.” She sniffled. “C-come b-back t-though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. I should be back soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked downstairs to the pharmacy and walked up to the pharmacist. She forced a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did they work?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, actually. They worked much better than I thought they would. I’m just here to get some everyday stuff. Just enough to kind of tone everything out.” I laid out a list of what I wanted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This poor kid. Probably the worst one you’ve had Indy.” She commented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “She’s been through a lot. Do you have any antipsychotics?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep. I’ll just get them.” She then disappeared into a room behind the desk and emerged with a box. She laid it on the bench. “Will they work?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I glanced over the label. “Probably. Do you have an inhaler I can give her? She practically stops breathing when she has an attack, and if she were to have one at home, it could be fatal if she didn’t have something to help her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, of course.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She returned with an inhaler. “This one is really strong, so all she should need is one puff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds great. That’s for helping me out.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0045"><h2>45. Chapter 44 - The Wonders of Alcohol (Part 2)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>I walked back into the room and handed the stuff to Sarah. “Pills are two, twice a day, the box from before is emergency medication and the inhaler is if in case she has a meltdown at home and can’t breathe. It’s pretty strong so it should only take one puff.”  I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “Thank you so much for all your help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled lightly. “It’s really not a problem. Just want to make sure Kaitlyn gets better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Well, you're doing a good job. Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad. I don’t have much else to say, so is there anything you want to know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there anything I can do to help her?” Sarah asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “A few small things. Make sure she takes the medication, if you can, see what triggers her without causing too much grief and I suppose just carry on normally. Its also good if you just sit down and have chat about stuff too. Make sure you stay close to one another so that you two or three I suppose can rely on each other.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I actually have a meeting now, so I have to go, but I shall be back as soon as possible.” I stated. “The other nurses in the ward should be able to help with anything, if not they’ll find me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Sarah’s Point of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt my phone vibrating so I took it out and saw the work was calling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry guys. I’ll be back in a second.” I promised, leaving the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I picked up. “Hello?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah? Do you know how much longer you are going to be on leave because we are currently sort of having a shortage of staff.” My boss explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I really need to be here for my daughter Ned. I don’t know when I can come in. Maybe when school starts? I may have to cut back on the hours though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t stay on leave forever, Sarah. I can’t let you cut back on hours, I’m afraid. If you can’t make it here anymore, just tell me so I can get a new staff member. I can’t keep you on if you’re never going to show up, I need staff that will actually get work done!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I’m sorry, Ned. I just, there’s a lot going on right now! My daughter is in the hospital, my husband just got </span>
  <em>
    <span>out </span>
  </em>
  <span>of hospital, and we’re moving house, and it’s all very busy. Look, I’ll be there as soon as I can, alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not good enough Sarah.” Ned sighed. “I need you here next week.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t!” I tried to say. “That’s when Kaitlyn gets out of hospital hopefully and then we’re moving and I’m sorry Ned but I can’t!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, can you work remotely?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “I can try.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then that’ll have to be good enough.” He huffed. “Next week Sarah. That’s the latest you can start.” He instructed before hanging up the call abruptly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and threw my head in my hands. I needed the money, but Kaitlyn and Brendon needed me. It was a real conundrum.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I eventually walked back into the room and felt both their eyes staring right into me, as if they were trying to convince me to not go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to start working again next week.” I told them nervously. “Remotely, of course, so I can be here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that what the call was about?” Brendon asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah…” I sighed. “Ned wants me back at work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where do you work anyway, Sarah?” Kaitlyn asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m a travel consultant.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool, I suppose.” She replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay when my boss isn’t being a douche.” I muttered, sitting down on the chair beside the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is he like that often?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Douche? Yep.” I muttered. “He doesn’t understand that people have lives outside of work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-then you p-probably should g-go? Shouldn’t you? Not just remotely? He sounds mean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t leave you two here. Remotely will be fine until Christmas break.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but Gerard w-will be there to take care of us, w-won’t he?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The guilt would eat me alive if I wasn’t here with you bub.” I admitted. “I need to be here. For both you, and myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon looked extremely guilty and he began curling up on the chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, come on, it’s not just you. You know that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You s-shouldn’t have to work at all.” He mumbled. “I-If I w-wasn’t so useless a-and c-could make m-music again…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, it’s fine. Don’t push it. You’re in the middle of a relapse. Just work on getting better, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just want to b-be able to support m-my own f-family.” He mumbled. “I-is that too much t-to ask?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you will be able to soon. I promise, but you need to be better before you can. I don’t want you to risk everything just yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stumbled out of his chair and walked towards the door. “I-I need some air.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Stay safe, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” He mumbled, walking out of the room without another word.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I waited outside and kicked stones around, just contemplating everything that had happened. It was all too much and was plenty hard to get my head around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stupid brain. Stupid PTSD. Stupid depression.” I muttered as I kicked another rock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ended up just sitting down outside the hospital and picked at my fingers. “I just can’t do anything right!” I yelled across the carpark.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon?” A voice asked from behind me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?!” I growled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sat down beside me. “What’s going on Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing.” I huffed defensively.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re out here, kicking rocks and mumbling things to yourself. Something is up. Talk to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just useless. Nothing new.” I murmured, fed up with it all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you think that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because Sarah has to work because of me! She even has to work remotely now because I’m such an inconvenience!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed. “Sarah works because you don’t have a steady income at the the moment. And in no way is that your fault. Brendon, if you could, you would. But you can’t, and by no way, shape or form is that your fault.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes it is! I should just learn to suck it up!” I countered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon.” She sighed. “Brendon, as much as you’d like to learn to suck it up, you physically can’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can! I just have to pretend that it didn’t happen but for some goddamn reason I can’t!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, if you need to learn anything, it’s acceptance. You need to accept that you can’t work right now. Does that make you useless? Heck no. You are a wonderful father, a wonderful husband and a wonderful friend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need to get away from this stupid hospital.” I sighed, slamming my fist into the buildings hard exterior. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon! Okay. Let’s go. Where would you like to go?” Dr Jo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. There’s not very many places I can go anymore. The stupid PTSD ruined them all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what’s somewhere that’s not ruined?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Home was one but that’s not much of an option, and I would go to a bar but it’s pointless since I’m not allowed to drink and I don’t want to bother Gerard since we are already moving in with him for awhile soon.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t we go to the park?” She suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean we can, if you want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Great! There’s one within walking distance. Care to stroll with me, Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?” I replied. “Nothing much else I can do, is there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can get ice cream.” She suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You choose.” I directed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, they’re both in the same place. Let’s stroll.” She grinned, holding her hand out to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I lightly held her hand and paced beside her, feeling nothing but relief that we were leaving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We arrived at the park in the late afternoon, the sun shining down overhead. Thankfully, the place was rather empty, so we bought ice cream and sat down on the swingset.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How have you been?” I asked, ensuring we didn’t end up talking about my problems.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Not so well, actually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “Why’s that?” I countered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “Do we have to talk about this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wiped a stray tear from her eye. “No, no, it was fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After that, I sort of just sat and swung in silence, taking occasional licks of my ice cream. Dr Jo, on the other hand, sat there silently, not swinging, and letting her ice cream melt away as more silent tears ran down her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry for ruining this.” I murmured, swinging lightly as I had finished my ice cream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It wasn’t you Brendon.” She sniffled. “I’m sorry. This is supposed t-to be about y-you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. I’m actually glad it’s not about me.” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s not fine Brendon!” She snapped. “I-I’m s-supposed to be h-helping you and I-I’m j-just an e-emotional w-wreck right n-now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well m-maybe you should try and focus on yourself instead of me. See, I’m fine. You helped. Now you need to help yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-maybe.” She mumbled, taking a lick of her almost completely melted ice cream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It sucks that there’s a lot going on for you. Anything I can try to do to help?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “Not unless you can fix a cheating husband.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not particularly. You can come with me for another walk if you wish. There’s karaoke on tonight at a bar near here and it's always fun to watch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Alright. Why the hell not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled and strode forward, her behind me and began walking downtown. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I never can perform at these karaoke things, because I can’t ever take it seriously even sober. I sound seriously drunk so I’ve become accustomed to just watching. Gerard always is fun though. He just goes crazy and has a ball.” I shared as we walked down the footpath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve never been.” She mumbled. “Declan always promised he’d take me, but he never did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m glad I’m here for your first. If we’re lucky one of the regulars, Tom will be there. Always sings something ridiculously high pitched. It’s horrible and amazing at the same time.” I chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tried to force a smile. “O-okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We arrived at the bar and we walked inside. I ordered myself a soda, as not to upset my already-unstable psychologist, however she ordered a schooner of beer and plopped herself down beside me on the lounge, before drinking the entire thing in one sip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I slightly gasped before stopping myself. “D-do you want another drink?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll get it.” She mumbled, making her way back to the bar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I had become slightly concerned but I daren’t interrupt her like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first contender stepped up on the makeshift stage as she returned. He had selected ‘Roar’ by Katy Perry. I figured it’d be interesting considering he didn’t seem like the type to pull it off but I wasn’t one to judge necessarily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo had finished three quarters of her drink before she’d even sat down. I forced a smile. “Watch this. It should be funny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And sure enough, as the chorus hit, his voice gave out and began cracking all over the place. He seemed too drunk to notice though, as with most the audience, but I was getting a good laugh out of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo wasn’t even paying attention. She was slurping the beer loudly, a bit of it dribbling down her chin. When she’d finished, she got up to get another, but I grabbed her arm before she could get too far away from me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, are you alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah. I’m delightful.” She sneered sarcastically before escaping my grip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dr Jo! Please!” I begged, chasing her down. “Stop drinking!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, Brendon, I’m fine.” She slurred slightly. “Don’t worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not fine. Come sit down.” I said firmly, attempting to bring her back to our table before we lost it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She groaned slightly before sitting down. “This sucks.” She murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, it sucks. But come on, these people are pretty funny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t we sing?” She slurred. “That’d be fun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dr Jo, listen to yourself.” I said slowly. “You’re drunk. We’ll watch a few acts, then I’ll walk you back to the hospital, and we’ll get someone to take you home, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on Brendon! It’ll be fun. Stop being a party pooper.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In the same way that you look out for me, I’m looking out for you.” I tried to tell her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on! Just one song!” She replied, grabbing my wrist and running me up to the stage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh oh…” I mumbled, looking at the crowd of people who were staring at me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m Joanne!” Dr Jo smiled, “And I’m gonna sing something for you! And joining me up here is BRENDON URIE! HE’S A MUSICIAN!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone clapped and cheered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should sing a duet!” She grinned, grabbing the remote and flicking through the song list. “What do you want to sing Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes then lit up. “We’re doing this one! See Brendon! That’s your band! Everyone! We’re doing Miss Jackson with this lovely guy!” She enthused, grabbing my hand and waving it around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned. “Let’s get this over with.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I saw a couple of people in the crowd get their phones out, and I shuddered slightly, but the music was starting and Dr Jo was singing already.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Climbing out the back door, didn’t leave a mark. No one knows it’s you, Miss Jackson!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It then came up to my part. I was internally freaking out but I tried to just stay calm.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You put a sour little flavor in my mouth now</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You move in circles hoping no one's gonna find out</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>People started cheering for me, realising that I sounded exactly like the soundtrack. I tried my best to sound good, although I was sure I was a little off, considering I hadn’t done any vocal warm ups.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo then got really excited as it came up to the chorus.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He-eyy</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>
      <br/>
    </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>Where will you be waking up tomorrow morning?</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>
      <br/>
    </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>He-eyy</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>
      <br/>
    </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>Out the back door</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>
      <br/>
    </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>Goddamn</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>
      <br/>
    </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>But I love her anyway</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>
      <br/>
    </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>I love her anyway</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>
      <br/>
    </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>I love her anyway</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>
      <br/>
    </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>Out the back door</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>
      <br/>
    </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>Goddamn</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>
      <br/>
    </span>
  </em>
  <em></em>
  <span>But I love her anyway</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was about to start the next bit, before something completely unexpected happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo leaped up and kissed me on the lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The audience started booing as I pushed her away and looked at her in disbelief. She was still giggling her little, drunken giggles, laughing as if she’d done nothing wrong. The music continued playing as I grabbed her wrist and dragged her down off the stage, and outside the bar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the HELL was that?!” I asked her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” She slurred. “It was all just fun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dr Jo, it’s not ‘fun’ to kiss your patient!” I snapped. “Come on. We’re taking you home now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! Come on, there’s still time!” She whined.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t you say you had a kid? Don’t you have to get home to them?” I asked, dragging her down back towards the hospital.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s fine </span>
  <em>
    <span>Brendon!</span>
  </em>
  <span> I wanna have more fun with you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I made a disgusted face. “No. We’re taking you home. Now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t go home!” She giggled. “Unless you wanna be my escort.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dr Jo, you’re my psychologist. This is weird already. Come on, let’s get you home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going!” She pouted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I continued dragging her. “Oh yes you are!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t drive and you won’t take me, so I’m staying right here!” She argued, planting her feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure someone at the psychology department will drive you home. Come on.” I tried to say, attempting to continue the journey by pulling on her arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” She giggled playfully. “You aren’t going to move me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got right up in her face. “You are drunk. We are going home. Now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pecked a kiss on my nose. “You’re cute!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m not! You’re drunk, and I’m almost certain you are going to regret all of this, so let's end it now while we can.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t catch me!” She giggled, before turning around and sprinting into the park.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chased after her. She had a significantly lead until she stopped because she needed to throw up. She vomited into one of the bushes and stumbled to a park bench.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you believe me now?” I puffed as I reached her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I had a bad lunch or something. I feel good now.” She slurred.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go. Now.” I demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pouted. “Nope.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Look, there’s some nice food and warm blankets at home. Don’t you want that? To snuggle up?” I bribed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only if you snuggle with me, Brennie!” She giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are impossible.” I huffed. “Fine. Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stopped in her tracks 10 steps later. “Can we snuggle at your house? I don’t w-wanna go home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, not really. Everything is kind of packed up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She burst into tears. “I-I don’t w-wanna see D-Declan!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay. We’ll go to my house, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” She sniffled. “Will you hold my hand Brennie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and grabbed her hand, leading her back to the carpark.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We reached my car and I buckled her into the passenger seat, before beginning the journey home. Dr Jo sat quietly in the seat, occasionally shooting glances at me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I always dreamed that you’d take me home one day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” I responded, very confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ve always loved you B-Brennie.” She mumbled. “I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and continued the rest of the drive in silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We reached the house and I lead her inside, taking her to Kaitlyn’s room so she could lie down and maybe get some sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Snuggle! You promised me that you’d snuggle Brennie!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I will soon, okay? I just have to make a quick phone call and I’ll be right back here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pouted. “Hurry back!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and ducked out of the room, calling Sarah quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon? You’ve been away for ages? What’s going on?” She rushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine. Um...it’s a long story. I’m at home. Dr Jo’s drunk and she’s here too…” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, um….Do you want my help? Visiting’s up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I thought of Sarah seeing Dr Jo kiss me and I felt sick. “Um, no I should be good. I’m going to let her sleep in Kaitlyn’s room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you took the car Bren. Should I find a hotel?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you wouldn’t mind…” I mumbled sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fine. Just call me if you have any troubles.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Love you Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love you too Brendon. Stay safe for me, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Course Sarah. Talk to you soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye babe.” She responded before hanging up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nervously wandered back to the bedroom, where Dr Jo had snuggled up under the blankets. She giggled when she saw me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brennie’s back! I missed you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah…..”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shuffled over on the bed. “Come snuggle with me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I can’t. I’m married. I’m sure my wife wouldn’t appreciate that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “I w-was married too! H-He s-slept with h-his assistant!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I decided then to just try and talk her to sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So is he still living with you? You said he might be there if you go home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I only f-f-found out t-this morning.” She cried. “H-he t-tried to say s-sorry but h-he doesn’t l-love me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you talked to him yet? Like, actually talk it out? I know it’s hard, but you need to talk to him if you are going to officially end it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-he told m-me he w-wanted a-a d-divorce! T-that’s how h-he started t-the conversation!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well do you want a divorce?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “I-I didn’t until I f-found out h-he was c-cheating.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know what’s going to happen to your kid?” I pushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She burst into tears. “N-no I d-don’t! S-she’s g-going to h-hate me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would she hate you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-because I-I’m t-turning her w-world u-upside down! S-she’s g-going to live i-in a b-broken h-home!” She bawled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t do anything about that, okay? If anything she’s going to hate your husband for causing this.” I tried to comfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-come here.” She sobbed, opening the blankets and gesturing to a vacant spot of bed real estate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat beside her and covered my legs with the blanket. “It’’s okay.” I soothed. “It’ll all work out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wrapped me in a tight hug, crying into my shoulder. “I-I h-hate him s-so much!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know. It’s understandable.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will y-you lie w-with me u-until I g-go to s-sleep?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” I murmured, guilt seeping in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She snuggled into me as much as she could, resting her head on my shoulder as her tears softened slightly and she became more sleepy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m s-sorry for g-getting drunk B-Brennie…” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just get some sleep, Dr Jo.” I said softly, lightly stroking her hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I laid with her until I finally felt her fall asleep. I inched slowly out of her grip and turned the light off, closing the door to Kaitlyn’s room. I shuddered slightly as I remembered the night’s events. I doubted I’d ever look at my psychologist the same again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sent Sarah a quick text saying that she’d fallen asleep, before I headed upstairs to fall asleep too. The puppies curled up next to me and I lightly patted them until sleep took me.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0046"><h2>46. Chapter 45 - Look Alive, Sunshine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Look Alive, Sunshine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo groaned. “What happened last night Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I considered. “Hmm...you broke down at the park, got ridiculously drunk, dragged me on stage at a karaoke bar where we did a duet of Miss Jackson, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>kissed </span>
  </em>
  <span>me, ran around the park as I tried to get you home, threw up, started crying about how you didn’t want to go home, and only agreed to come back here as long as I snuggled with you. You also proclaimed your underlying love for me and made me snuggle with you until you fell asleep, while you cried about your impending divorce.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her cheeks grew bright red. “I, erm, I would like to apologise for my unprofessional behavior last night. That was completely unacceptable of me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Yes. It was. Coffee?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled slightly through her grimace. “Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I poured her a cup of coffee and sat down at the bench. “Sarah will be here soon. She wants to make sure everything is packed up for when the truck arrives so she’s coming early.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She simply nodded and sipped on her coffee. “Where are you moving to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It's about a half hours drive from here. Closer to Kaitlyn’s school.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. Are you excited to move?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I guess so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard the door open and we both got up to see what it was. Sarah came and wrapped me in a hug. “Hey Bren!” She smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled and planted a kiss on her lips. “Hey Sarah!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo looked away. “Hi….” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Joanne.” Sarah smiled. “You look like you slept in that outfit. Do you want to borrow some of my clothes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo nodded. “Sure, I suppose.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled. “Cool. I suppose we should finish breakfast first. I picked up some bacon on the way here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Sarah.” I replied, taking the grocery bag out of her hand and placing it on the kitchen bench. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I began chopping the bacon and turned the frying pan on. Dr Jo didn't look very happy. She looked rather ashamed, and rather depressed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is everything okay Dr Jo?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose so.” She murmured, running her fingers through her hair. “I’m not sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can trust us.” Sarah said encouragingly as she cracked an egg into the pan next to mine. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “It’s fine. I’ll sort it all out eventually. Sorry about last night, again, Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah looked at us. “What happened last night?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She glared at me. “Dr Jo was just having a hard time, so I took her to a karaoke bar for a bit of fun and she got a bit drunk. Obviously she couldn’t get herself home so I brought her back here.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My phone started buzzing in my pocket. As I pulled it out, I was a bit shocked to see it was my producer. “Be right back…” I mumbled, walking outside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What. The. HELL?! There's a video going viral on YouTube of some drunk lady kissing you at a karaoke bar!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Well what am I supposed to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You gotta fix this! It's already got 5 million views!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know how to fix it! What do you expect me to do?! I can’t just wave a magic wand around and it all goes away!” I retaliated, frustrated and frightened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “Brendon, this is going to be disastrous. For both you and the label.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry! What c-can I do? Do you know?” I stammered. Sarah came up behind me, probably after hearing my panic and wrapped me in a hug as I waited for his response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve got to get you doing a press release. Otherwise they won’t leave you alone. Have you gotten any calls from reporters yet?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“L-like, a video?” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, that’s what we’ve got to do to clear your name. Rumours are everywhere, people think you’re cheating on your wife.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-do you want me to c-come in?” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you going to have to Brendon aren’t you!?” He yelled. I could tell it was loud as Sarah jolted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I vowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you then.”  He stated before hanging up the call.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah held me tight. “What’s going on babe?” She asked, growing concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got to go in and see Robert. There’s a video from last night online and it’s caused some uproar.”  I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sucks. Do you want me to come with you?” She asked and I nodded in return.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should probably take Dr Jo to the hospital where her car is.” I replied. I wandered into the kitchen where she was sitting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ready to go?” I asked, grabbing the keys from the bench. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are we going?” She asked, finishing her coffee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned. “Taking you back to the hospital then Sarah and I are going to see my producer about a video from last night.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The colour drained from her face. “How bad is it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s what happened…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god… Brendon I’m so, so sorry… And Sarah. Sarah I’m so sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah looked at the two of us. “What is the video of? Why are you so scared?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, last night, while drunk, Dr Jo kissed me. Someone was recording and put it on YouTube. That’s what the video was of.” I admitted. “I-It was an accident though! I swear! I’m not cheating on you! Please believe me!” I begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo burst into tears. “I-I’m so sorry S-Sarah! I-It was a-an a-accident! I w-was too d-drunk to k-know better! I-I’d n-never try i-it, i-it was just t-the a-alcohol and I’m so sorry!” She wailed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Calm down guys. It’s fine. It seems like it’s clear it was all an accident. I forgive you. It’s fine.” She assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wrapped Sarah in a hug. “T-Thank you so much for understanding.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, truly. You made it pretty hard to not be understanding considering you only act like that when you’re scared of losing something you love more than anything Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “I love you so much Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too Bren. Remember that.” She soothed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked back to my pan and put some bacon on. “Who wants bacon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled. “Sure. Joanne? You want any breakfast?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes please.” She mumbled sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I placed the plates on the table. “There you go. Should be more coming if you’re still hungry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We all sat down and I watched Dr Jo as she ate, a sort of grimace on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is everything o-okay Dr Jo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gulped. “I’m just thinking about what I’m going to say to Declan about everything…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm.” Sarah contemplated. “Maybe just be upfront so you don’t have to say as much.” She recommended.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded slightly. “Thank you for your hospitality. I’m sorry for intruding like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine.” Sarah smiled. “It’s nice to have a bit of a change in routine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo looked around at the boxes. “It looks like your routine is going to be a bit out of whack for a few weeks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Yeah. It’ll all be a bit chaotic for awhile. Hopefully everything works out well and as planned I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo nodded. “Have you taken your medication yet Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Nope, not yet at least.” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah disappeared and returned with a handful of pills and a cup of water. “Here you go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Delightful.” I murmured. “Just what I wanted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, Brendon.” Dr Jo said firmly. “Take them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I rolled my eyes and swallowed the pills, the water chasing them all the way down my throat. “Happy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled slightly. “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well are we done?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo took the plates to wash them up. “I think so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stood up from the table and got ready to go. “Let’s go then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah drove us all back to the hospital, and I watched Dr Jo drive away in her white mitsubishi, before we headed up to see Kaitlyn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When we got to her room, she was sitting and talking to Indigo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi guys.” I greeted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Dad!” She grinned. “Hey Mom!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled, glad to see she was okay. “How’s it going little worm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. I’m just telling Indy about Opal and Ollie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled. “That’s cool. They are very cute, aren’t they?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you say that you’d bring them in sometime?” She asked hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I’ll bring them in later today. Sarah and I just have to sort out stuff first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her face fell slightly. “What sort of stuff?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry. It’s just some silly work stuff. Hopefully we’ll get it done super quick.” I tried to assure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Oh, okay.” She nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you excited to see your puppies?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She giggled. “I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And then Indigo will get to see the adorableness that is Opal and Ollie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo smiled. “I’m as excited as she is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll we have to go, but we should be back soon with some puppies in tow. We shall see you guys soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can I have a goodbye hug?” Kaitlyn asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course!” I pulled her into a tight hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt her smile into my shirt. “I love you Dad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too little worm.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We said our goodbyes and Sarah and I began the drive to the Fueled By Ramen office. I gulped nervously when Sarah pulled into the carpark.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know i-if I c-can do this S-Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can Bren, it’ll be okay. It’ll work out.” She comforted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-they’re g-gonna be s-so mad!” I cried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have to face it eventually Bren. Just tell them exactly what happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I began shaking. “S-Sarah I w-wanna go h-home!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took my hands. “Brendon, you need to face this. It’s really scary, yes but it needs to be done. Take deep breaths for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried, but my breaths only became more laboured and more frequent. My shaking intensified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah can I-I h-have the e-emergency m-medication?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and dug it out of her bag. “Should I call Dr Jo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s n-not that bad y-yet.” I mumbled as I tipped two of the white pills down my throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, but if you feel like it’s getting worse, tell me, okay? We’ll stay here for awhile.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can I have a h-hug?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course babe.” She stretched her arms around me and held me close. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to hold back the flow of tears. “W-what if e-everybody h-hates me now?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They can’t hate you babe. If you tell them the truth and they don’t believe it then we leave them behind, okay? It’ll work out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I burst into tears. “W-what if n-nobody l-listens to my m-music anymore!?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, people will listen to your music. If anything, this’ll sort out your true fans from your fake ones. You need to put the truth out there Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t w-want to m-meltdown on c-camera!” I cried. “I-I don’t w-want people s-seeing me l-like this!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think they’d send out a video of you having a meltdown Bren. It’ll be fine, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“E-even the p-people in t-there! I d-don’t want to b-break d-down in front of t-them!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, well just talk to them at first and see if you can handle a video. If not, they’ll find another way. I promise.” She assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “O-Okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think you’re okay to go in? I can go in with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yes please.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We got out of the car and she took my hand. “Come on Bren, let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was still trembling as I followed her towards the glass doors. We caught the elevator up to the third floor, where we walked in to see Robert, who was sitting at his desk, on the phone. Once he saw me, however, he hung it up immediately and launched towards us.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um….hi?” I stated, slightly surprised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon! Good to see you made it. Come sit down. Now, before we start, have you </span>
  <em>
    <span>seen </span>
  </em>
  <span>the video?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, no.” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed and turned the computer monitor to face us, the video already up. I grimaced at the 2 and a half million view count.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do I have to watch this? I know what happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just want to make sure it all matches up. I want to know if it was edited or anything.” Robert told me, before pushing play.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I watched the video and sure enough. The whole thing was there in all of it’s glory. I saw Sarah grimace at the kiss, although she did perk up slightly when I pushed drunk Dr Jo off of me and dragged her off the stage, right before the video ended.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what do we do?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know Brendon. How do you propose we fix it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t k-know!” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, well calm down. I suggested we made a video, you can explain it, set it straight. How do you feel about that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My hands started shaking. “I-I don’t t-think I c-can do t-that…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay that’s fine. Have you tweeted anything about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I-I haven’t t-t-touched twitter i-in months…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, okay. Well maybe we can brush over it there while we’re working out a solution. Can you do that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can you w-write it a-and I p-post it?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, okay….What do you want it to say?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t k-know!” I panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, calm down. Your panicking isn’t helping.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I c-can’t help i-it R-Robert!” I hyperventilated. “Y-you k-know my d-diagnosis!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well how about it just says something like, Sit tight, the video situation will soon be justified. Is that okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay.” I nodded, pulling out my phone and opening the twitter app.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We typed it up and posted it and soon enough a swarm of angered and hateful messages flooded the comments.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-they h-hate m-me! I k-knew i-it!” I wailed, throwing my phone to the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you haven’t explained it yet. They’ll come around once they know what’s happening.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got up from my seat and raced into the nearby bathrooms, locking the door so nobody would see me collapse. Tears flowed down my face as more bad thoughts flooded my mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon enough Robert came in. “Brendon, are you okay? Sarah’s really worried.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“L-leave m-me a-alone.” I sobbed. “L-leave!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I don’t want to see you doing anything you’ll regret. I’m not leaving until I know you’re okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t respond, just carried on crying as I felt my breathing become shallower and shallower.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon?! Please, just let me in!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“G-GET OUT!” I screamed at him. “L-leave me a-alone!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not leaving! Come out here! Don’t sit in there by yourself, please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started gasping for air, my lungs seemingly rejecting the oxygen around me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He started bashing on the door. “Brendon!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I fell to the ground and reached for the door handle, only just flicking the lock before I collapsed entirely.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Sarah’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled out my phone and called Dr Jo. She picked up almost immediately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong Sarah?” She rushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon’s locked himself in a bathroom at the office. I’m not sure how bad it is but I’m afraid it’s going to lead into something catastrophic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m on my way. Can you text me the address?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I’m going to try to see if I can talk to him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good. I’ll see you soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hung up the call and raced to the bathroom. I opened the door and saw Robert sitting by an open stall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank god you’re here Sarah. He just collapsed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?!” I shrieked, ignoring the sign on the door and racing into the men’s room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I saw Brendon perched up against the wall of the stall, his arms fallen limp by his side. “Bren? Brendon!?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah?” He rasped, before his eyelids fluttered closed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Brendon!” I sobbed. “R-robert, go back. I-I’ll be here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Robert nodded drastically. “S-should I call an ambulance?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-No. N-not yet. W-we’ll wait it out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I moved Brendon so he was sitting up and I pressed my fingers to his neck. Thankfully I found a pulse. He was breathing too, thankfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I then heard the door to the bathroom open. “Sarah?” I heard her ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s here. He just passed out.” I called.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She came and sat beside him. “What happened before he passed out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Robert was trying to sort out a press release for the video last night and they posted a tweet and got all these negative comments and he locked himself in here and now this!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm...It seems like these small things are triggering him more. Do you know why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t a small thing!” I exclaimed. “He got hundreds of hate comments from nowhere!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And the best part is that it’s all my fault….Anyway, shall we move him out of here?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “W-where to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Out of the bathroom hopefully. Then we just wait for him to wake up and see how he is.” She proposed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I agreed. “Sounds good. You take the left, I’ll take the right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep.” She replied, beginning to lift Brendon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We hauled him out of the bathroom most of the way, until we reached Robert, who took him off us, and helped him to a lounge space.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon started stirring. “W-what?” He stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re awake!” I celebrated. “Brendon, you passed out in the bathrooms.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-what? Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s not dwell on that. How are you feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I d-don’t know. Confused? Scared?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you had a panic attack because of some comments on a tweet.” Dr Jo said slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right…” He murmured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I helped him sit up. “Do you want some water or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-not really. I j-just am trying to w-work everything out.” He mumbled, rubbing his hand against his forehead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Feeling better?” Robert asked, leaning on the doorframe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I g-guess. I still f-feel kind of drowsy. I’m not sure why though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You had a late night.” Sarah said. “Do you want to go home and rest for a while?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-don’t we have to s-see Kaitlyn?” He mumbled. “I c-can’t go home.” He continued drowsily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can delay Kaitlyn for an hour or two.” I assured him. “You need a nap.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “We can’t put it off. I’ll be fine.” He tried to say, his words moulding together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get you home. We’ve got to go home to get the puppies anyway.” I said, helping him up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wandered through the office and eventually got into the car. “Let’s get the dogs and go to the hospital.” He slurred slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, we’re going home. You need to sleep.” I said firmly as I got behind the wheel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Sarah, I’ll be fine.” He tried to assure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not fine. You’re slurring and your eyelids are drooping. Let’s get you home, and to bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll make it, don’t worry.” He fought. “Completely……….fine…..” He trailed off before falling asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly and finished the drive home, before waking him up so he could walk inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, Brendon, we’re home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-what?” He stammered in a cute, confused way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled. “Come on. Nap time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” He murmured, stumbling out of the car and almost collapsing onto the driveway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I helped him inside and to the couch, where he fell back asleep almost immediately. I giggled and took a picture when the puppies curled up on his chest and lap and fell asleep too. I snapped a few pictures to show Kaitlyn, this was an adorable sight. I even put one on instagram. That was a mistake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A flood of comments about Brendon cheating on me started coming through, and although I did my best to ignore them, they still got to me. In the end, I turned my phone off and shoved it on charge in another room so I didn’t have to look at it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Opal started scratching at Brendon and then woke him up. “Ugh, Opal!” He groaned. He shifted a bit and almost fell off the couch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled slightly. “Feeling better Bren?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little bit.” He admitted, petting the puppies so they’d stop clawing at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, do you want to go see Kaitlyn now?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “How do I look?” He stammered, running his fingers through his hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grinned and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Beautiful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He giggled. “That’s nice, but seriously, should I have a shower, get changed?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe.” I nodded. “Did you shower this morning?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “Should I have one?” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably. I can smell you from here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pouted. “What happened to nice Sarah?” He teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled. “Love you Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckled and disappeared into the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed the puppies’ collars and leashes and got them all ready for a big day out. They seemed a little bit freaked out by the strange equipment at first, with Ollie trying to chew off the name tag. Eventually, they seemed to settle, and I gave them both a treat, before packing the other treats in a bag to take with us.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon then returned. “Is nice Sarah back? Can I have a kiss?” He asked playfully. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked up and pressed a kiss to his lips. “You look beautiful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do now, but you look so much better.” He replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I blushed. “Come on. The puppies are ready, let’s go see Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled. “Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We piled back in the car, me driving and Brendon sitting in the back with the puppies, and we drove to the hospital. I walked Opal in, Brendon walked Ollie. Kaitlyn’s face lit up when she saw them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Puppies!” She squealed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep.” I smiled. “They’re very excited to see you again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I lifted them onto the bed, letting them run all over Kaitlyn. She giggled as they licked her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I missed you guys so much.” She whispered to the dogs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon sat beside Kaitlyn and watched happily as Kaitlyn played with the dogs. It was an amazing feeling to see her laugh again, to see her smile again, to see her be </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy </span>
  </em>
  <span>again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo came into the room happily. “Oh, hello guys!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come meet the puppies!” Kaitlyn smiled. “This is Opal and this is Ollie!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo came over and pet them and played with them for a bit. “I suppose it’s good you guys are here. I was just talking with the board.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” I asked worriedly, fearing the worst.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no don’t worry. It’s nothing bad.” Indigo assured. “They said that if Kaitlyn keeps riding along like this and doesn’t have any major slip-ups she should be able to go home tomorrow night.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?!” Kaitlyn asked excitedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep. You’ve done really well kiddo.” Indigo beamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Thank you for helping me. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s why I’m here. It’s no problem kiddo. Good to see you’re feeling better.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn turned to me. “D-Did you bring the puppies any treats?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and handed her the bag. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the puppies settled down with treats in their mouths, we all relaxed a bit and just started to talk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, the moving truck comes later this afternoon, everything will be out by tomorrow.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. Is that when we’re moving in with Gee?” She giggled at the nickname she had just blurted out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep. The boxes and furniture are going straight to the new house, because the only thing that needs work is the bathroom and kitchen. When you get out of here we can go and have a look, if you’d like.” I suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay!” She smiled. “Sounds really nice.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is.” Brendon grinned. “Your room is beautiful. It’s big and open and it has one of those box windows that you can sit in to read or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds pretty. Does it have yard space for the puppies?” She asked </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh huh.” Brendon nodded. “And a pool. We can teach them to doggie paddle!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She giggled. “That’d be adorable!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure it will be when we do it. And there’s a studio for my music too, a bigger one, so maybe I can teach you a thing or two in there.” Brendon suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled and brought us in for a hug. “Thank you two so much!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “No problem bub. Now we have a proper family home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you heard from Gerard lately? I’ve wanted to talk to him, but I’ve been, well, here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s working on his comic book.” Brendon explained. “He’s been really busy too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay. Comic books seem cool.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to call him so you can speak to him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you don’t have to. I don’t want to inconvenience him.” She murmured nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about I put it on speaker and we both speak?” He suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon selected Gerard from his contacts and the phone began ringing. He sat up on the bed with Kaitlyn and the puppies, so they could both be close to the microphone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a rustle on the other side. “Brendon?” I heard Gerard ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Gee! I’m here with Kaitlyn. She wanted to say hi.” Brendon said encouragingly, smiling at Kaitlyn while he said it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh h-hi?” She stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Kaitlyn! How are you feeling?” Gerard asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good! Especially now that I can talk to you!” She enthused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckled slightly. “Good to hear. Do you know when you’re getting out of hospital?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tomorrow, I think? Tomorrow night?” She answered happily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s great! We hope you don’t mind sharing with Bandit for a while…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. I’ll just work around it.” She assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool. If it doesn’t work out, you can always bunk with your Mom and Dad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll make it work. I’d hate to change your plans.” Kaitlyn replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“These aren’t plans Kaitlyn, honestly, it’s a stretcher bed, we can lift it and move it as much as you’d like. Don’t worry about it.” Gerard tried to assure her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can I sleep with Mom and Dad then?” She asked nervously. “I-I’d just f-feel safer. No offence.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fine. We’ll set it all up tomorrow morning.” Gerard promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thanks Gerard. H-how’s everything going with y-you?” She asked, drawing the conversation away from her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good, good. Just being working on my comic book. It’s coming along nicely.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve n-never read a c-comic book. They s-sound pretty cool though.” She admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? Well, I’ll have to show you some on mine when you get here. I have boxes and boxes of comic books.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I noticed her smile growing. “That sounds nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’ve got to go. I’ve got some cookies baking in the oven, and the timer just went off. See you soon Kaitlyn!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye Gerard!” She enthused before the phone was hung up. Her smile remained even after the call.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you enjoy that little worm?” Brendon asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah!” She beamed. “Gerard’s super nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He is.” Brendon agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for letting me talk to him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s no problem little worm.” Brendon assured her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The puppies were growing restless and started biting Kaitlyn’s toes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ow!” She exclaimed in pain, grabbing her foot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon pulled Opal back. “First you scratch me, then you bite Kaitlyn, what’s gotten into you today Opal?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, puppies off of the bed.” I instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon handed me Opal, who was still acting a bit rambunctious, while Indigo took Ollie in her lap. He was asleep within seconds, enjoying the soft patting that he was getting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I put Opal on the ground. “No pats for naughty puppies.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And of course, she ran over to Indigo, who lifted her up and began patting her two. Within seconds Opal was sleeping soundly on Indigo’s lap as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re really good with dogs Indigo. Do you have one?” I asked, observing her actions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have a border collie too. His name is Jake.” She grinned. “This is like heaven right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I imagine. Do you spend a lot of time with him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “As much as I can. He’s awesome.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long do you work here? Do you go home every night?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “I normally work from nine in the morning till eight at night when I’m scheduled on here. Otherwise I work at my practice, which is eight in the morning till 5 at night. It’s a lot of hours, but I don’t really mind to be honest. It’s quite a fun profession to have.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Interesting. I just seem to see you here all the time.” I commented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I work during visiting hours. That’s why.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see. Well at least you enjoy it. You seem to get to spend a long time with different people. It’s like, well, constantly changing I suppose, isn’t it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “The ward’s been fairly quiet this week and last, so that’s why I get to spend a lot of individual time with patients.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, do you have anything you want to talk about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-when does t-therapy s-start?” Kaitlyn asked nervously. “When I get o-out of here, that is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll probably come to therapy on Sunday which gives you a few days to adapt to living back at home if you get out tomorrow.” Indigo explained. “Is that good for you Sarah and Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “That sounds wonderful.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0047"><h2>47. Chapter 46- A New, Temporary, Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>****Brendon’s Point Of View****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ready to go Sarah? I’m sure Kaitlyn is waiting for us.” I called down the empty hall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah! I’ll be there in a second!” She beckoned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked around the empty rooms of the house that we’d lived in for years. It was a strange feeling, knowing now that we were leaving here, and we’d probably never come back. Sarah snuck up behind he and engrossed me in a hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you thinking about now, Bren?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just the memories that this place holds. It’s like a house of memories.” I mumbled, running my hand over the wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. It’ll be sad to leave, but we get to make so many new ones, with Kaitlyn even, at the new house We have a daughter, puppies, we’re moving to a new house It’s like a fresh start. It’s really cool.” Sarah replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Yeah. I feel a little sad leaving this place behind right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” She stated, sitting down on the floor. “We’ve been here so long and I imagined staying here for longer even, but moving just seems so right at the moment. It seems like what we are destined to do, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Yeah. Are you ready to go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep. Let’s head off.” She sing-songed back to me before getting up from her previously seated position.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I locked the door behind me as we climbed in the car. After dropping the keys at the real-estate agent, we continued on our way to pick Kaitlyn up from the hospital.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked into her room where she was out of the bed and sitting down beside Indigo, just talking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ready to go little worm?” I asked happily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “I am! I’m so excited to get out of here!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took her hands. “Shall we?” I proposed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah helped her to the bathroom to get changed out of the hospital gown, while Indigo handed me the release papers to sign.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I went through and signed the sheets and soon enough, the girls remerged, this time with Kaitlyn in some of her own clothes. They seemed a bit looser on her than I remembered, but I tried not to let that ruin the moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ready to go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They nodded happily and followed me outside. I gave Sarah the keys and we loaded into the car. Kaitlyn was still on a high from finally leaving the hospital and was excited to be going to see Gerard again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where does Gerard live?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He lives a bit away. I’d say an hour and a half? More because of traffic obviously. We can stop for some snacks if you want any for the journey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. The sooner we get there the better.” She assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Tell us if you want to stop and we will as soon as we can, okay?” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Thanks Dad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We had a fun drive the entire way there. We were singing random songs that came on the radio if we knew them and generally just talking and having a good time. Soon enough we pulled into Gerard’s driveway. In the insanity, I hadn’t realised Kaitlyn had fallen asleep so I tried to wake her up. After determining it was useless, I picked her up and carried her in. I laid her in the bed in guest room before going out to talk to Gerard and Lindsey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey guys!” I grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Brendon! How are you?” Gerard responded happily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Pretty good now that I’m here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard chuckled. “Do you guys want a coffee or something?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds amazing, thanks.” Sarah said with a small smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard then disappeared into the kitchen and Lindsey led us to the lounge. “How do you guys want it?” Gerard beckoned from the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“White with one.” Sarah called back. “Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, Brendon?” He called.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Same thanks.” I called back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” He called, showing he had heard. Lindsey settled into the couch beside Sarah. “How’s Kaitlyn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good I think.” Sarah nodded. “She’s sleeping currently.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. How’d the whole hospital thing go?” She continued with Bandit crawling into her lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “As good as it can, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well at least she’s out I suppose.” She replied. Gerard came and placed the coffee on the coffee table in front of us and sat down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was her official diagnosis?” He asked. “You said she’d been diagnosed, but you didn’t tell me what with.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“PTSD and Residual Schizophrenia.” Sarah sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard gulped. “That’s not good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah shook her head. “It’s not at all. It seems to be a minor case of schizophrenia though, so she doesn’t have hallucinations or delusions luckily.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I saw Lindsey breathe a small sigh of relief. “That’s good, then. Have you been given any medication for her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “We received everyday antipsychotics, emergency medication and an inhaler in case she loses her breath during a meltdown.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard nodded. “That’s good. How are her motor skills coming along?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s built them up a bit. There are some things she struggles with still.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey could sense the awkwardness in the conversation and changed it. “How’s the new place coming along? Have they started building yet?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They are starting tomorrow I think.” I replied, sipping on my coffee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good.” Gerard nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s the comic work going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard grinned. “It’s just in final editing. It’s almost ready for publishing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s great!” Sarah enthused. “Congrats!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you Sarah.” Gerard smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bandit stumbled over to us. “Hello!” He greeted, climbing on the couch in between Sarah and I. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled. “Hello Bandit. How are you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grinned. “Super dooper. How about you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m doing great! Have you been good for your mom and dad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Uh huh. I cleaned my room yesterday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is is super duper clean?” I teased. “What would I think?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “It </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>super duper clean but then I played in there and now it’s messy again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, did you pack away your toys or did you leave them for Lindsey to pick up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I picked them up!” She said with a smile. “I did!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good job!” I praised. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I then turned my attention back to Gerard. “So do you want us to chip in for bills or food or anything while we’re here?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “You’re only here for a few weeks. Anything for a friend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks again Gerard. If you need anything from us just tell me and I’ll work it out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All of a sudden, a scream of Kaitlyn’s echoed through the room, coming from the guest room. Sarah and I bolted into there as fast as we could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn was standing next to the mirror, her eyes red with tears, as she studied her reflection. She ran her fingers through her choppy hair, examining all the bald spots, and the scars that hid there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She ran over and pulled me toward her, burying her face in my shirt. “I’m hideous Brendon!” She wailed. “I-I don’t want to leave this room. Ever! I can’t!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh…” I tried to soothe. “You’re beautiful little worm. You’re beautiful, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m not!” She sobbed. “I ruined it. I m-made myself ugly!” She blubbered, grasping my shirt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh. Shh. Kaitlyn, breathe. It’s okay. You haven’t made yourself ugly, I promise.” I desperately tried to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What am I supposed to do?!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll sort something out bub, I promise.” Sarah assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-how? There’s nothing we can do…” She cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s always something. I won’t stop until I find it.” Sarah promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn sat back down on the bed and curled up. “I’m staying here until I’m not ugly anymore.” She murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not ugly. You’re beautiful.” Sarah soothed, sitting down next to her and pulling her into a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I’m not! I pulled all of my hair out Sarah!” She sobbed into the pillows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not all of it. We’ll work something out. And it’s not your fault, okay? I know you didn’t mean to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn wiped some of her tears away. “Can you h-help me walk out there?” She asked hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course bub.” Sarah nodded, putting her arm around her and helping Kaitlyn to her feet. She desperately tried to keep it together when the most she could do was an excruciatingly slow shuffle, almost completely supported by Sarah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry you have to do this…” She whispered guiltily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine Kaitlyn. You’re actually really light.” Sarah replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just want to be able to walk by myself again.” She whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will eventually bub. I promise. Until then, this will have to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once she had gotten to the lounge, she sat down on one of the armchairs and picked at her nails silently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey smiled at her. “Do you want some lunch girly?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, um….” She stammered, startled. “No thank you. I’m not hungry”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’ll have lunch.” I butted in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I’m not hungry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re never hungry. But you still have to eat, Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want food, really. Don’t worry about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I turned to Lindsey. “She needs to eat. She’ll have lunch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey disappeared into the kitchen and Kaitlyn broke into tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Kaitlyn, I’m sorry, but I don’t want you back in hospital. You only just got out!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled herself off of the chair and basically dragged herself back into the room, getting away from all of us..</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, what are you doing?” Gerard asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m g-going to wallow in an abundance of self pity.” She stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He held his hand out to help her up. “Come on. If you’re going to do that, why don’t you come sit with me? I’ll show you the comic I’m working on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” She murmured, taking his hand. He almost fell back down again when he tried to help her up. “S-sorry.” She apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine Kaitlyn. Don’t worry about it. Here, I’ll show you my studio.” He smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Kaitlyn’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down on the floor of Gerard’s office once he helped me in. “I’m sorry for dampening the mood…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat on the chair. “Don’t worry about it. Do you want a chair? There’s another one here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and climbed onto chair beside him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So...do you like to draw?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well…...I guess so?” I admitted. “I’m not any good though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled a sketchbook out from his shelf. “Well, these were my concept sketches for my latest book. They’re all a bit rough, but yeah, this is how it all started.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I flicked through the pictures and was just in awe. “These are amazing!” I exclaimed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckled lightly. “Thanks. I did improve on them though. From the concept sketches I used this special tablet, and I make the art of the computer and such, and that’s what goes in the comic books. Here, I’ll bring them up for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I watched in awe as he pulled the digital images up. I admired how detailed it was. “This is really cool. I’d love to do stuff like this eventually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grabbed another sketchbook and placed it in front of me, and handed me a pencil. “Well, do you want to learn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A huge smile formed over my features. “Yeah!” I enthused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grinned. “Cool. Do you have a favourite person, or just someone that you’d like to draw?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure. What do you think would be easy? I haven’t drawn since before I was in hospital so I don’t know if I would be able to at all.” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, let’s just go with a superhero then, they’re generally easy. Do you have a favourite superhero?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Can we just make one up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard grinned. “Alright. If you were a superhero, what would you be like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm. I think there’d be a cape and I’d be able to like shape shift and stuff!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard wrote that down. “That’s cool. What colour would your outfit be?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm... Maybe…….Light pink?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awesome. I’m loving where this is going. What other power do you think you’d like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmmm... Maybe like water powers. So like I could control water and stuff.” I explained. “I’m not sure. What do you suggest?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked me over for a moment. “You have the power of making people happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “That sounds nice.” I commented. “It sounds really cool.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He began sketching a basic outline, getting a rough idea of where he was headed. “Open your book, let’s get started.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I opened the sketchbook and shakily picked up a pencil. I was terrified of showing Gerard my art after what I had seen. “I’m not sure if I should do this. You should just draw…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “I’ll draw, but you should too. I’m not judging you, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started drawing something lightly and the lines were a bit shaky but I pushed on. I glanced over at what Gerard was doing and put my pencil down in defeat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong Kaitlyn?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t draw. It sucks.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard picked up my sketchbook and looked at it. “What do you mean? You've made a really good start. Keep going, okay? It’s going to be great, I can tell.” He assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I forced a smile and continued with my outline. Gerard was doing a lot better than me, and he had already started on shading.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked over to me. “You’re doing great Kaitlyn! If you had stopped before, you wouldn’t have seen how it turns out. It doesn’t matter how anyone else’s art looks. Art is your own and if you are constantly changing to be like someone else, they’ll be none of Kaitlyn left. Stay unique and don’t be afraid to try. Trying is what keeps you going. Just remember that.” He responded, seemingly knowing exactly what I was thinking about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I blushed. “Thanks Gee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not a problem. I’m excited to see how yours turns out.” Gerard admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed as I looked over my sketch. “How’s yours going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eh, I’m not sure. I might redesign it a bit. It’s not looking too grand right now.” He stated, looking back at it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I see?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” He replied, showing me the drawing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My mouth fell open. “T-That’s awesome!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckled. “Well look…” He stated, tearing the page out of the book. “You can keep this one since I’m going to start again.” He placed the picture in front of me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow. Thanks Gee. Although I don’t see why you’d start again, this is fantastic!” I smiled, looking over the drawing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just have a better idea of what to do.” He replied. “Just a way to make her really pretty like you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I blushed. “I’m not pretty, Gerard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I think you are, which is why my new drawing is going to look much more like you.” He grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I forced myself to smile. “Should I start over too?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only if you want to. You draw it any way you want.” Gerard instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I glanced over the figure I had drawn and continued sketching on it, adding more detail as I went. I knew I probably wouldn’t be happy with the final result, but I still was enjoying that the fact that I was drawing again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’ve finished the sketch. You?” Gerard asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m nearly done.” I sighed, putting my pencil down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s looking really good. How do you feel about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It sucks.” I said simply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, what do you think sucks about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Proportions, shading, the facial features are all out of wack, the gaze is wrong…” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, those things can be fixed. How do you want the face to look, per say?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you’ve actually done a really good job so far. Maybe with the eyes….” He grabbed the sketchbook. “You could make them rounder and more innocent looking.” He explained, rounding out the eyes and making the character appear younger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow...that looks incredible. I never could have done that. Thanks Gee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes it’s just little things. When you mess around with some little things it can look more the way you want it.” He explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Thanks for the advice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey poked her head in the door. “Lunch is ready everyone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “Okay.” I murmured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, do you want a piggy back ride to the dining room?” Gerard asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded happily and jumped onto his back. He supported my weight and carried me out to everyone else. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone else was already seated around the table, and Gerard put me down on a chair between Brendon and Sarah. I gulped as Lindsey filled a bowl with the pasta she had made and put it down in front of me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t do t-this Sarah.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed. “Just try and eat as much as you can, okay bub?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t t-think I can eat a-at all…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’s that? You haven’t eaten anything for hours bub, just try for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay.” I mumbled nervously, lifting the fork from the table. I took a hesitant bite of the food and immediately felt horribly bloated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is everything okay?” Lindsey asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it’s fine. Just trying to get her to eat something.” Sarah explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The blood rushed into my cheeks with embarrassment. “W-why did you h-have to tell them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah took my hand. “Look, we’re going to be here for awhile. They need to know these things Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We actually already know.” Gerard told me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course you do!” I exclaimed angrily, throwing my fork down to the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, please don’t be upset.” He tried to say. “We only know so we can help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure you know I’m completely insane too then, don’t you!?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not insane girly.” Lindsey tried to tell me. “But yes, we do know your diagnosis.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I huffed and shakily stood up from the table.  I tried to run away from them before falling on my face only seconds into my escape. I then simply dragged myself into another room and locked the door in search of peace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a light knock at the door. “Kaitlyn, are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah, I’m just delightful.” I sneered, not caring about the horrible attitude I seemed to be displaying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You took a hard fall. Are you hurt?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stared at my grazed up knees. “Oh yeah. Fine…” I answered. “Why do you care anyway?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I’m your father, little worm. Can you open the door for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just go talk to your friends. Don’t worry about me.” I answered, my voice cracking slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard him slump against the door. “I worry about you all the time, Kaitlyn. Please, just let me in. I just need to see with my own eyes that you’re okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no, j-just go t-talk to Gerard. I-I don’t matter, b-but he does. H-he deserves y-your attention.” I stammered tearfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard him start to cry. “Please, Kaitlyn. Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m not okay a-and that’s a-all you’ll s-see when you c-come in here so wh-what’s the point?” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-So I can h-help you!” He cried. Then he went really quiet. “S-so y-you c-can help m-me…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I reached up and opened the door, feeling ridiculously guilty. Brendon pulled me into a tight hug. “I-I’m helpless Brendon. Y-you should’ve given up on m-me by now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled me in closer. “No, l-little worm. You’re not helpless. You’re beautiful and amazing and things will get better. I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It d-doesn’t feel l-like it’s getting b-better dad. O-only worse.” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you’ve gotten better.” He assured me. “Y-you’ve gotten b-better enough so t-that you’re n-not in the hospital a-anymore, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well yeah b-but I’m still crazy…” I answered tearfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon bent down so he was looking up at me. “Kaitlyn, you are not crazy, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but there’s so much medication a-and the therapy a-and-!” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh..” He pulled me back into a hug. “I know it seems like a lot. Trust me, I’ve been, and still am going through similar stuff to you. But that doesn’t make you crazy. Do you think I’m crazy for going through that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I g-guess not.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See? Nobody thinks you’re crazy for going through it either.” He held his pinky out to me. “We’ll get through this little worm. Together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wrapped my pinky around his and hugged him. “Th-thanks dad. I feel better now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled. “Awesome. Now, back to my question from before, did you hurt yourself when you fell?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little bit….”  I admitted sheepishly. “It really hurts….” I whimpered, staring at my knees. I went to move to attempt to get up and yelped in pain when I moved my ankle. I tried to hold in my tears as I put my ankle down. Brendon sat across from me and rested my foot in his lap. He rubbed my ankle lightly and looked at the scrapes on my knees. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you might have sprained it…” He whispered cautiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-what does that m-mean?” I whimpered. “I-is that bad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, it’s not serious. It just means that you’ve pulled the muscle slightly and it’s going to hurt really bad for a few days until it gets better. Until then, we’ll get a bandage on it, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay d-dad. It just r-really hurts…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned around. “Want a piggy back back to the kitchen so we can get a bandage on this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure. J-just try to n-not bump it. It really hurts…” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Course.” Brendon nodded, lifting me onto his back and carrying me out to the lounge, before putting me down on the softest chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon disappeared into the kitchen before emerging with a bandage. I became nervous as he approached with the bandage. “Is it going to h-hurt when you d-do it?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, I’ll be really gentle.” Brendon assured me. He began wrapping the bandage around my foot, doing his best to make sure he didn’t hurt me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It hurt a bit but I tried to hold back my tears so he wouldn’t feel bad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once he had finished he pulled me into a hug. “I-I’m sorry i-if it h-hurt…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s f-fine. Don't-worry.” I sniffled</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah walked into the room. “Brendon we’ve got to go now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Okay. Where do you want to lay for now Kaitlyn? I don’t want you trying to move.” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “H-here is j-just fine a-at the moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, well we should be back soon. Lindsey and Gerard are here if you need someone.” He stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “W-where are you g-going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren just has therapy then if we can we’ll see if we can see his producer. Hopefully it won’t take too long.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. O-Okay.” I nodded. “H-how long do you think y-you’ll be gone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d say a few hours at most.” Sarah answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded unsurely. “O-okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry little worm. We’ll be back as soon as we can.” Brendon assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can I have a hug b-before you go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They nodded and they gave me a tight group hug. “Stay safe, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. Do you want us to get you anything while we’re out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I’ll be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright Kaitlyn. We’ll be back soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And with that, they walked out the door, leaving me to my own devices.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0048"><h2>48. Chapter 47 - A New Start</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>*****Sarah’s Point of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel awful leaving her like that Bren.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded in agreement. “I always do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got a call from her old school today…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’d they have to say?” Brendon asked, slightly concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing much. They just want us to go in and collect the things from her locker.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay. When should we do that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was thinking after I pick you up from therapy. Also, they’ve got her report card for us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. How do you think the report card will fare?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, have you met our daughter? She’s the smartest kid I know. I’m thinking she’ll do pretty well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled. “Yeah. I don’t know why I’m worrying.” He admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly. “The only thing I’m worried about is going back into that place. It doesn’t hold good memories.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” He gulped. “Hopefully we aren’t in there very long.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Well, here we are Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right….” He murmured unenthusiastically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took his hand. “Come on. Let’s go in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I led him in with a few interjections about how he hated this place. He remained silent and just walked in alongside me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo called him in for his session, and I pulled my phone out in the waiting room, knowing that I’d be here for the next hour. My twitter feed was bombarded with hate messages and ‘support’ messages from the video. I wanted to send something out and set everything straight but I figured it wasn’t my place and just continued sifting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon came back eventually, he looked like at some point during the session he had cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay Bren?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded lightly. “Yeah, it’s fine. Just don’t worry.” He sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay then. Are you ready to go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Where are we headed?” He asked, rubbing his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn’s school, remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, yeah. Okay.” He replied taking my hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked out to the car and I drove the short distance to the school. Class was in session, and I was a bit nervous about going in. Although Brendon seemed a lot more nervous than me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shall we go in?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah, okay.” He stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We got out of the car, and headed towards the front office. The woman seated behind the desk smiled at us.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How can I help you today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, we are here to retrieve Kaitlyn’s belongings.” I answered.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, Urie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She handed us an envelope. “This is the report. Anyway, her locker is 226.  I highlighted it on this map for you. The code is there too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” I sighed gratefully. “I thought we’d get lost.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, there’s a map here, and if you lose it, there are maps around the school. I suppose I’ll see you again on the way out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose so. We shall see you soon.” I stated, leading Brendon down the corridor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked through the corridors, following the map, until we reached the locker. It was a little bit more beaten up than the rest of them, and a bad insult was chipped into the light blue paint.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is horrible.” Brendon murmured, his fingers trailing over the letters.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped and twisted the combination into the lock. The door opened with a click, and I pulled it open, a few letters sliding out of it and falling to my feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon picked up the letters and started skimming over them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-they’re all hate m-mail Sarah.” He whispered. “T-these a-are bad…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took one of the letters from him and read it for myself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, this one is asking where the money is. D-Do you think that’s the m-money from the…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “I don’t know what else it could be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I picked all the letters up and tore them in half, before putting them in a nearby bin. “They’re not our problem anymore. Fresh start.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon smiled and grabbed some books out of the locker. He smiled as he flicked through them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She did a </span>
  <em>
    <span>lot </span>
  </em>
  <span>of schoolwork. And these notes are beautiful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I saw exactly what he meant when I glanced over. It was all neatly set out with certain parts highlighted which were probably her key points. I read through it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Her vocabulary is almost as extensive as yours Brendon.” I giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled. “She’s smarter than me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We really lucked out.  She really is super smart. Now she just has to realise it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon nodded in agreement and turned his attention back to the locker. “A-Although there a-are some...bad t-things…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled out a small bottle of white pills of an unknown substance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We just keep finding more…” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He put them in the trash as well. “N-New start. N-no more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled the last of the books out and handed them to Brendon.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-hello?” I heard a voice ask from behind us.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hello.” I answered, turning around. Although my face fell, when I saw who I was talking to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-What are </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>doing h-here?” Brendon accused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gretchen looked down at her feet. “Um...I j-just, I just w-wanted to know how K-Kaitlyn was d-doing…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well she’s okay right now but she’s been in a bit of a rough patch. She just got out of hospital too.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I saw tears well in her eyes. “O-Oh my g-god…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to worry about her anymore. She’s changing schools.” Brendon interjected.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is s-she r-really mad a-at me?” She asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Possibly. You didn’t leave her with much to like. I figured you’re probably interested in knowing that you caused permanent brain damage also.”  I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “I-I’ve b-been diagnosed w-with b-bipolar d-disorder.” She explained nervously. “C-can you t-tell h-her t-that I-I’m r-really sorry?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I’ll tell her, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-thank you.” She whispered nervously. “I-I s-should p-probably go b-back to c-class…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, well best of luck.” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She forced a weak smile at us, before turning around and heading back to class. Once she was around the corner, I turned back to Brendon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She seems to be legitimately sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “I just don’t know if I can forgive her though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She did single-handedly ruin Kaitlyn’s life…” I mumbled. “But I do feel a bit bad for her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah...Well that seems to be it. Shall we head out of here?” He proposed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “That seems for the best.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked back out of the building and said goodbye to the receptionist as we walked to the car. We drove out of the carpark, and started the drive to the producers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re here.” Brendon mumbled, not wanting to get out of the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be okay Bren. Just take my hand.” I assured him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s to say it won’t end up like last time?” He countered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I won’t leave your side the whole time. We’re all here for you, and we won’t do anything that could set off an attack, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to go Sarah….I don’t want to risk it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be okay Bren, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He got out of the car and took my hand before taking his first hesitant steps toward the building. “This isn’t a good idea Sarah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I planted a kiss on his cheek. “If at any point you want to leave, you tell me, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to leave now…” He muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “If you really, really want to leave now, we can leave. Are you sure Bren?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to face Robert after what happened last time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t have to see Robert. We can go see someone else if you want.” I suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s just talk to him.” He sighed. “I’ll just try to get over it, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright Bren. I love you. Thank you for doing this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gulped before walking into the building. He walked over to Robert’s desk and gave a hesitant wave once his presence had been acknowledged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Brendon…” Robert mumbled. “Feeling better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah...I suppose so.” He answered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, after talking with the staff, um, do you think you could be comfortable writing a press release? Like, if you wrote a paragraph explaining what happened in your words, we could use that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, I guess. What exactly does it need?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just, you just need to explain what happened, that you’re not cheating on your wife. That the woman was drunk, that she was a friend and all that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shall I do it now, while I’m here?” Brendon questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If that’s alright with you.” Robert nodded, pushing a notebook and a pen along the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon sighed before beginning to scribble some form of entry on the paper. He would pause at moments and read through it to make sure he hadn’t missed anything before writing more down. He seemed very anxious about the entire thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think that’s it?” Brendon stated, handing Robert the note.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Robert read over it. “I think that will work great. Thank you Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there anything else you need?” Brendon asked, fiddling with the pen he was just using.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s the songwriting going?” Robert asked. “Have you come up with anything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gulped. “Only a little bit…” He mumbled. “Nothing great.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, anything is great Brendon. Do you think it holds promise?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “I know where I want it to go, it just hasn’t gotten there yet.” Brendon answered, a small smile forming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Robert smiled. “Awesome. When you’ve got a demo for me, come back here, and we’ll talk about releasing a single. How does that sound?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good. I think I just have to mix a bit then it should be good to come in.”  Brendon replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awesome.” Robert smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well am I all good to go?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Robert nodded. “Thanks for coming in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose I’ll be seeing you sometime in the future then. Have a good afternoon Robert.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You too Brendon. Hope to see you soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon and I walked back out to the car with Brendon seemingly deep in thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up Bren?” I asked as I climbed in the driver’s seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, nothing. Just thinking about music.” He answered as he got himself situated beside me. He then began tapping on the dashboard periodically, seemingly writing a song in his mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “I can’t wait to hear what you’re thinking of.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t either. I just need to see if I can borrow one of Gerard’s guitars while I remember this riff.” He replied, biting his lip as he resumed his thinking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We could go for a drive to the new house. Your guitars are already there. Oh! We can show Kaitlyn the new place too! Do you think that sounds nice for this afternoon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled. “Sounds absolutely amazing Sarah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We drove back to the Way household and walked inside. Kaitlyn and Bandit were sitting on the couch, watching some animated movie together. Gerard was presumably in his studio, and Lindsey was sitting with the kids.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hi guys!”  Lindsey greeted once she had noticed we had returned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Linds!” I smiled. “How’s everything going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s all going pretty well. How about you guys?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Good, good. We’ve just been watching this movie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn?”  I called lightly, hopefully grabbing her attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned to face us. “Oh hey Mom! Hey Dad!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling bub?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “Pretty good, but my foot is still a little sore. Lindsey gave me some painkillers.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that’s good. Bren and I were wondering if you wanted to come to the new house since you haven’t seen it yet. How’s that sound?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn smiled. “That sounds really fun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to finish your movie?” Brendon asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t mind.” she shrugged. “Do you want to go now or do you want to rest because you just got home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can go now. Do you want a piggy back ride to the car?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grinned. “Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon helped her onto his back and he carried her to the car. I trailed behind them, giggling at the two of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon drove to the new place, excitedly telling Kaitlyn all about it on the way. The puppies were coming with us, we figured it might be nice for them to see their new backyard that they can run around in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I helped Kaitlyn out and she ended up back on Brendon’s back as he fiddled with the keys to open the door. I was wrestling with the dogs to get their leashes on. It took a bit of a fight but they were on eventually and we followed the others inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn looked around the large, open plan living space in awe. It was well lit, with high ceilings and it opened up to a large patio outside, which overlooked the swimming pool. At the other end of the spacious garden was a small building, which was Brendon’s studio. There were some workers already in there, painting and such and getting it ready. There wasn’t a kitchen in place, but that didn’t really seem to faze her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon put her down on the piano stool. “What do you think?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s absolutely amazing!”  She enthused. “I can’t wait until we move in.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled. “Yeah, we thought you’d like it. Do you want to see your room?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Yes please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon lifted her up again and walked to the bedroom. Most of the furniture was set up already, but the trinkets were still in boxes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, welcome to your new room. It’s a bit bigger than your other one.” Brendon smiled, putting her down on the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laid down on the bed and looked around, contented. “This is awesome. I love it so much.” She smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon sat down on the window seat. “We thought you would.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s your room like?” She asked</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon lifted her up and walked her into the room across the hall. “It’s a little more boring than yours, but it’s still nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She frowned. “Shouldn’t you two have the better room?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, we’ve got the master bedroom, we just don’t have the desk and all because we have a studio and all.” I clarified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay.” She answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We heard Opal and Ollie barking in the backyard, so we relocated back to the main room. Brendon sat down at the piano this time, and began to play, while I stopped the puppies from trying to eat the grass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn sat on the floor beside Brendon and listened to his playing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s this song? I haven’t heard it before…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon smiled. “I’m trying to write a song. How does it sound?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s beautiful. I wish I could play like that.” She smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure you will be able to little worm. You’re super smart after all. I’m sure you’ll pick it up really quickly.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded unsurely. “Maybe…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you questioning it?” Brendon asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t even read sheet music Dad. I’m never going to be able to play an instrument.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are, I promise. You can learn how to read it and learn how to play. If you really want to, you can learn little worm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you teach me?” She asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can teach you to read the music, but it depends what instrument you want to learn if I were to teach you to play.” He answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She considered for a moment. “What’s a good instrument to learn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They all are really good. It just depends what you want to do.” Brendon replied. After sorting out the puppy drama, I sat down beside Kaitlyn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s your favourite instrument?” She asked Brendon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon considered for a moment.  “Probably drums, maybe piano.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I have the upper body strength for drums.” She chuckled awkwardly. “But, do you know how to play the ukulele?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can play it yes. I’m nowhere near being marvellous at it. My friend Tyler, from twenty one pilots can actually play really well though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “I just sort of wanted to learn so I could try and play their songs actually…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled. “ I should be able to teach you then. Their songs are actually quite fun to play.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That would be awesome.” She grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to see any other part of the house or should we start heading back to the Way residence?”  I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I don’t mind. You choose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should probably head off so it’s not super late when we get back.” Brendon responded. “You girls can get into the car, I’m going to get a guitar to take back.” He gave me the keys.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you getting back then?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Taxi, duh. There’s just some stuff I need to sort out.”  He explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I studied his face for a moment. “What sort of stuff?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just stuff. Don’t worry.” He stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m worrying Bren.” I said nervously. “What stuff?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gulped. “Just…..personal stuff. It’ll be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled him aside. “Bren, what’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears were forming in his eyes. “Just family stuff. I just need some time.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled him into a hug. “Alright Bren. Call me if you need anything, anything at all, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “I will, I promise.”  He sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.” I mumbled. “Can you help me get Kaitlyn back to the car?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded and walked over to Kaitlyn. “Come on little worm. Let’s get you to the car.” He stated, picking her up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-Why aren’t you coming?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Some things happened so I just need some time alone to just take it all in. Don’t worry about it though little worm.” He answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay Dad. R-remember that I-I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too.”  He rasped. “I love you so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He put her down in the car and she grabbed his hand before he could walk away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-are you s-sure you should b-be alone?” She asked worriedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Don’t worry little worm. I’ll be fine, I promise.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She held her pinky finger out to him. “Y-you promised that we’d help each other through this. I t-think you should come home. This i-is me helping you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He began crying while pulling her into a hug. “You r-really think so?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded tearfully. “L-let’s go home Dad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He climbed into the car silently and wiped away his tears. He continued lightly crying the entire drive though it was obvious he was holding back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We arrived home and he retreated to the bedroom, hiding from everyone. I helped Kaitlyn inside, and she asked to go and see him straight away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll see, okay bub?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah he needs somebody t-to talk to.” She said sternly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ended up taking her into the room.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-dad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon glanced up at her, his face streaked red with tears. “W-what are y-you doing here? I-I don’t w-want you seeing m-me like t-this…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m m-making sure you’re okay. I’m k-keeping our p-promise…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sniffled. “I-I’m not o-okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sat beside him and wrapped him in a hug. “Do you want to talk about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay… just… d-don’t j-judge me…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t, I promise. Can you tell me what’s wrong?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just…” He trailed off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dad you can trust me.” She encouraged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, it’s j-just f-family stuff…” He whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What sort of stuff?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t think I’m r-ready to talk about it….” He sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’ll just sit here with you for a while.” I promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His cries didn’t begin to lighten until about an hour later. We still didn’t know why but we didn’t leave him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Feeling a bit better?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded slightly. “I g-guess so…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-are you ready to tell us why?” Kaitlyn asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I d-don’t want to think about it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I placed a kiss on his cheek. “If you want to talk, we’re always here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He got up off of the bed and grabs some clothes out. “I’m going for a shower. I’ll see you guys again when I get out, I suppose.” He rasped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright Bren. Love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He forced a smile and disappeared into the bathroom. I helped Kaitlyn out to the lounge room and we sat down with Lindsey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was that all about?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “He’s apparently having some family issues. He’s pretty vague about it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like, this family or extended family?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think his extended family.” I answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you should call his sister or something...find out what’s going on…” Lindsey mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I probably should. I suppose I’ll be back.” I excused myself, pulling out my phone and heading to another room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I dialed Kara’s number and waited for her to pick up. She did on the second ring.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Sarah. What’s up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just wondering what’s going on in the family because Brendon was just crying for an hour and the only answer he gave us was that it was a family problem.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Nobody has told you, have they?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, is it bad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Matt’s been in a bad crash. He’s in the hospital. He’s got a spinal injury…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh…” I stammered. “I-I’m so sorry! I had no idea!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard Kara sniffle. “H-He’s comatose currently, I think Mason rang Brendon this morning. Is Bren okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I guess so. He’s still pretty distraught.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can imagine. Tell him he can come and stay with us in Vegas if he wants to visit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will. Thank you for telling me. Best of luck.” I said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Sarah.” Kara said. “Just, while we’re on Bren, is he getting better? I heard from Kyla that he had another relapse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s hard to say. It seems like he’s getting better but he’s been in and out of hospital and therapy and it’s chaos, then his ADHD has sparked up again recently so it’s hard to give one clear answer.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Let him know that we love him and that we’re all just a call away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will. I’m going to try and convince him to go see you guys. I feel like that what he needs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be nice to see him.” Kara said. “It feels like I haven’t seen my brother in years.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It has been a bit like that. Well I best be going. Goodbye and good luck I suppose.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Kara. Talk soon. Bye.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hung up the phone and went back to the lounge room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn glanced up at me. “What’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “His brother was in a crash and is comatose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey gasped. “That’s horrible!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “At least I understand now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should go check on Brendon.” Kaitlyn said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and picked her up. I went into the bedroom and Brendon was staring at the wall mindlessly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey D-Dad…” Kaitlyn mumbled nervously. “We heard about y-your brother…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sniffled. “I h-hope he’s okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kara suggested that maybe you go stay down with her for a while…” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I think I m-might. I was considering that in the s-shower.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How many siblings do you have?” Kaitlyn asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“4.”  He murmured. “Two brothers, two sisters.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? That’s a lot. Wow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “I haven’t seen any of them in a long time.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe we should go and see them then.” I suggested. “Maybe next week. Spend a few days in Vegas.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’d be nice. What about therapy and stuff though?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As long as we give notice it shouldn’t be a problem.” I shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Do you know where Gerard is?” He asked. “I just want to get my mind off of all this.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In his studio, I think.” I nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon smiled slightly and pulled me in for a hug. “Thanks Sarah.” He whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem Bren.” I smiled, hugging him back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He walked out of the room and headed towards Gerard’s studio, seemingly much happier than before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I think we helped him.” Kaitlyn smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” I smiled widely. “I think we did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Brendon’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked into Gerard’s studio, where he was sitting at his drawing desk, sketching away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gerard?”  I called, knocking lightly on the wall beside me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked up. “Oh hey Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed the spare chair and sat down. “What are you working on now?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed and blew some eraser shavings off of his paper. “I’m working on a christmas gift for Kaitlyn. This is a concept sketch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked over at it. “It’s looking really good. I still have no clue how you do it.” I admitted, spinning around on the office chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled. “It’s nothing really. Kaitlyn was in here before, and we were drawing what she’d look like as a superhero, and I had the idea of doing a big family portrait of all the Urie’s as superheroes, and well, this is where I’ve ended up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I swear you’re an artistic genius Gerard. I’m jealous.” I joked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re the musical genius Brendon.” He chuckled. “If I was half as good as music as you are…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are amazing at music,  so you can’t say that Mr Way.”  I argued playfully. “I should want to be as good as you, not the other way around.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed slightly. “This is going to go on forever….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m ready.” I chuckled. “Talking about music actually, do you want to help me because I am stuck. I need this one middle part and I can’t fill it in.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want an instrument or something?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I actually want the aforementioned musical genius. Maybe you can come up with something.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you play me what you’ve got so far?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled out a USB and plugged it into his computer. “There you go.”  I said as I opened up the file.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He listened to the whole demo. “Brendon, this is amazing!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think so? I wasn’t too sure about it so I haven’t shown Robert yet.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love it Brendon. It’s amazing. The lyrics are so deep though, but the metaphors are so, this is awesome.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I then thought of something and blurted it out before I really considered it. “Do you want to make it an official collaboration?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you’ve pretty much done the entire thing…” Gerard looked a bit confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but this isn’t the official thing and I think I’d be even better if I reconstructed it to include your vocals.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you want to Bren, then I suppose I’m up for it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be back.”  I stated, grabbing the USB and taking myself back to the bedroom where my laptop was currently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I plugged the USB in and started playing bits over and rearranging certain parts. I rewrote parts of the chorus, but kept the meaning so it would better suit his style. I was fiddling with it for about an hour when I was finally getting close to what I had wanted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, babe?”  I heard Sarah ask. I pulled off my headphones and looked up at her with a questioning glance. “Lindsey’s just made some dinner. Are you going to come out?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked up. “Oh. Right. Yeah.” I put my laptop down and followed her out to the dining room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Dad!”  Kaitlyn greeted as I sat down beside her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey little worm.” I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What were you doing in there?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I glanced up at Gerard and smiled. “Making music.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “That’s cool. How’s it going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pretty good. It’s still got a fair way to go though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I then noticed she was taking bites of her food without being forced. She seemed to just be happily eating bites of the food at random intervals in the conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wasn’t sure whether I should bring attention to it, give her positive affirmations, because that could make her feel bad. In the end, I just left it, and I was quite happy that by the end of dinner, she’d eaten most of the bowl.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I listen to what you’re working on dad?” She asked hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, sure I guess. It’s not finished though…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “It’s fine! I just want to see what you’ve been doing.” She assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I helped her back to the bedroom and put the headphones over her ears, before pushing play. I nervously watched her facial expression as the song started playing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It seemed like she wasn’t sure how to react at first but soon she started enjoying it. “This is really cool!”  She stated, pulling off the headphones.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “I’m glad you like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shifted a bit on the bed and must’ve bumped her ankle or something because she was clearly in pain. She seemed on the verge of tears but was trying to hide it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay little worm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded tearfully. “Y-yeah.”  She whimpered lightly</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled her into a hug. “Want to have a movie night?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “I want to cuddle with you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled. “Alright. Let’s go snuggle up on the couch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I carried her out and laid her on the couch while I got a blanket. I returned and she curled up next to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re really w-warm…” She mumbled sleepily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wrapped my arm around her and she slowly drifted asleep beside me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah walked in and found us lying together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is she asleep? Should we put her to bed?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “She fell asleep as soon as I brought her out.” I chuckled. I picked her up and wrapped her up in the blanket before laying her on her bed.  I kissed her lightly on her forehead before I turned the light of and closed the door behind me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah planted a kiss on my cheek. “It’s getting a bit late, I think I might go to bed too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay babe. Sleep tight. I’ll come in there a bit later.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled and disappeared into the room, leaving me alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took my laptop out and continued working for much longer than anticipated. I ended up working all night.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0049"><h2>49. Chapter 48 - Everything Goes According To Plan (Part 1)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>*****Sarah’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked out of the bedroom, having noticed Brendon didn’t come in last night. I found him slumped at the kitchen table, snoring lightly. His laptop was still open, showing the song file he was working on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled lightly before pulling his headphones off and moving his laptop away and onto charge. Gerard then walked out of the bedroom and toward the kitchen. He was interrupted when he saw Brendon asleep on the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did he fall asleep here?” He asked, rubbing his eyes and wandering toward the coffee machine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“By the looks of things. Should I wake him?” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably. He doesn’t look too comfortable. Anyway, would you like a coffee while I’m going?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds amazing.” I smiled. I walked over to Brendon and lightly shook his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, Bren, wake up.” I whispered, trying to stifle my giggles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what?”  He flustered in his cute, confused, child-like way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled. “You fell asleep at the table.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He groaned and rubbed his forehead. “Did I save the song?” He panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I saved it for you.” I assured him. “Come on, come to bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He trudged to the bedroom and passed out as soon as he hit the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight Brendon.”  I giggled, closing the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked back out to the kitchen where Gerard handed me a cup of coffee. “How’d you sleep?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eh, Well, I suppose. You?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pretty well. Bandit had a nightmare and joined us in the middle of the night, so, yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s your plan for the day?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “Not sure yet. You have any plans?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “If I want to go anywhere though, it’ll be a pain to try and drag Brendon along. Knowing him he won’t do anything until he finishes his song.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about Kaitlyn? You could do something with her.” He suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d love to, but it’s so hard getting her around with her sore foot and she isn’t great at walking yet as it is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm…” He considered. “You could rent a wheelchair or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I’ll look into it. I might drop by work today too. I’m supposed to start working remotely soon so I’m going to talk to my boss.”  I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard gave me a look of sympathy. “He shouldn’t be forcing you to work. Especially with everything that’s going on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Oh well. I need the money and there isn’t a lot more I can do about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon’s about to release a song…” Gerard mumbled. “You’ll get money from that…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Hopefully it goes well for him. He was afraid he’d lost all his fans. Were you aware of the video incident?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard nodded. “Everyone is aware of the video incident.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He had a panic attack over the hate messages he got on Twitter when he went to justify it with Robert.”  I sighed. “It took a lot to just get him to go back in the office.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard made a face. “Sounds eventful”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was. It should be fixed soon though. They had him write a press release when we went in yesterday.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I saw that on the social media websites yesterday.” Gerard nodded. “It seemed to set things straight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey joined us with Bandit in tow. “Hey guys.”  She murmured sleepily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey guys.” Gerard greeted. “Coffee?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey nodded. “Can you get Bee a juice too?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard bent down to his daughter. “Do you want a juice little monkey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded happily. “I want orange juice!” She answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do we say?” Lindsey asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bandit sighed. “Please Daddy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure thing Bee.” Gerard replied, standing up and opening the fridge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey sat down beside me with Bandit on her lap. “How are you Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Pretty good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn came around the corner, gripping the wall for dear life as she tried to stop herself from falling over. I raced over and helped her to the chair beside me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Morning bub.” I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She yawned. “Morning Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’d you sleep?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “Alright. I kept bumping my foot and then it would hurt and wake me up. But other than that, good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to go out today or do you want to stay here?” I asked, watching her rub her sleepy eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t want to g-go anywhere with t-this hair, S-Sarah.” She told me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, that’s okay bub. When I come home I’ll see if I can fix it, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you can fix it Sarah.” She admitted glumly. “I’ve pulled it all out in odd places and no matter what you do to it, it’s all going to just look horrible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to do then bub? I don’t want you inside all the time.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go out into the backyard.” She shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, honey, I mean outside, with people. I don’t want you cramped up with us all the time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not? You’re nice people and I like being with you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, please. I’m not letting you spend the entire break here. I want you to go outside and do fun things, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Being here is fun…” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “You aren’t staying inside. I’m trying to help you so you don’t feel worse because the going outside part wasn’t the choice you were presented with.” I explained, my voice becoming more stern.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-But p-people are g-going to stare at m-me and l-laugh a-at me!” She cried, covering her hair with her arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stood up and wrapped her in a hug. “I’m trying to make sure that doesn’t happen bub.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-How?!” She accused. “I-It’s ruined b-beyond r-repair!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t have any solutions, well I only have one last resort but I want to find a way to make you happy.” I explained lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn sniffled. “I-I don’t t-think you can m-make me happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I can’t find a solution today, I’ll talk to you about the last resort, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-What’s the last resort?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you really sure you want to know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Y-Yeah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well my only suggestion is we cut it and even it out then if you really want we can maybe find you a wig.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gulped. “Um… how m-much would t-that cost?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It costs an amount Kaitlyn. You need to stop concerning yourself with these things. The need for money has already gotten you in some trouble.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “I-I just f-feel so g-guilty.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there a way for us to possibly lessen the guilt?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-don’t s-spend m-money on m-me?” She asked hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know that’s not an option, bub.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “S-Sarah, I d-don’t want to b-be a burden.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t a burden. I know you don’t believe me, but it’s true. We wouldn’t do all of this for you if you were a burden. If we thought you were a burden, we would spend as little money as we could on you. Is it not clear that we don’t think you’re a burden? We’re still here, making sure you are as happy as you can be.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked down at her feet. “I-I just f-feel like I don’t d-deserve it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you feel like you don't deserve it? What makes you more underserving of this than anyone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can we pretend I d-didn’t bring it up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose so. But it will be continued. Let’s go back to what we were discussing before. What do you actually want to do with your hair?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know…” She mumbled. “I don’t think there’s anything I can do with it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if you come up with anything, tell us.  We’ll talk to Brendon also.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just d-don’t w-want people s-seeing me like t-this…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then we’ll come up with something.” The puppies then started barking so I went to see what they were on about. It seemed as if they had just found the cats and didn’t seem too happy about that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! Puppies! No!” I scolded, gripping their collars and dragging them away from the hissing cat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took them out of the room, away from the cats and scolded them before I went back out to everyone else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry about that…” I murmured, sitting back down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine.” Gerard smiled, giving Ollie a head scratch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon then emerged from the bedroom groggily, quite frustrated that he was woken up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What were the dogs barking at?” He groaned. “And why do they bark so loud?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The dogs found the cats and didn’t seem to happy about it. Sorry they woke you up Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He scratched his head mindlessly. “I suppose it’s good that I’m up now. Where’s my computer?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s on charge. Come and talk to us babe, don’t disappear. You were working all night. Take a break.” I instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his hands and jumped up and down. “But I’m on a creative spike! I don’t want to lose it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Fine. Can you bring it out here at least?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He giggled and planted a kiss on my cheek. “Thank you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He went to get his laptop and sat at the dining table with his headphones on, fully involved in what he was doing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled slightly at the scene. Gerard pulled a pan out of the drawer and looked over the crowd of people. “Omelette, anyone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure. Make one for Brendon too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll have one too. And one for Bandit.” Lindsey smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn was silent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want one Kaitlyn? I can get you something smaller to eat if you want.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I-I’m not hungry.” She said in a deathly quiet tone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on bub, just have something. Will you at least eat a piece of toast for me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head wildly no. “No I-I c-can’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not bub? Can you please try?” I asked lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head and climbed off the chair, holding the wall as she began shuffling back to the bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I followed her and knocked on the closed door. “Can we just talk bub?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just w-want to be l-left a-alone.” She responded tearfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay then bub, I’ll be back soon, okay?” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled, but didn’t respond.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got up and walked back out but Kaitlyn was still at the forefront of my thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is she alright?” Lindsey asked as I sat back down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure. She said she wanted to be alone. I just want to help her.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to give it a try?” Gerard asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Yeah. Hopefully she’ll listen to you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard nodded. “Linds, do you want to come and finish making the omelettes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey nodded and swapped with Gerard while he headed toward the bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I don’t know what to do anymore Lindsey. I thought I’d have some idea, after going through all Brendon’s stuff, but this is a completely different ball game.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish I had the answers Sarah. I’d love to just have the solution but sadly I don’t know how. Hopefully you’ll work it out soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I just feel like I’m failing her. Like I’m letting her fall. I’m trying to grasp her before she hits rock bottom, but it’s like my hands are covered in butter or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did her psychologist suggest anything to help?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled the box of medication out of my bag. “She needs to take these, now that I remember. I might just give her a few minutes to pull herself together first though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Has Brendon had his?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head and grabbed his medication too, getting the amount just right, before walking over to him with a bottle of water and tapping him lightly on the shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm?” He mumbled, not looking away from his screen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need to take your medication Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right…” He mumbled, taking the water and the pills from me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took the pills and his face squished up as he realised what had just happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not taste nice?” I asked as I took the water bottle back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “Still not used to it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave him a sympathetic smile. “Can you give Kaitlyn’s her’s for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded and took the medication off of the table and headed to the bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope she’s not mad at me Linds.” I sighed as I sat down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think she’s mad at you. She just seems overwhelmed.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do I make her like me?” I asked nobody in particular.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think she already likes you Sarah. Just give her a minute to unwind.”  Lindsey responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded unsurely. “What am I going to do about that hair? She’s determined to sit at home until it’s fixed, which I...it’s all confusing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It seems like the only option there is is yours or to just leave it and she doesn’t seem keen on either. I suppose yours makes the most sense.” She answered hastily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ran my fingers through my own hair. “I think I underestimated what being a parent would be like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think we all underestimated what being a parent is like Sarah. It sucks that all of this has happened to your family though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just want her to be happy Linds.” I whispered. “How can I make her happy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know Sarah. All I’ve noticed lately is her fixation on the way she looks. She doesn’t seem to talk much about anything but that or her condition.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She needs a friend.” I sighed. “Or a distraction. An interest. Something that she finds fascinating and enjoyable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know any hobbies? Has she talked about wanting to do or learn something?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She wanted to learn music.” I breathed. “But with the motor skills problem...it might not be a possibility. And she’s got her sketching, but she has no faith in that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey sighed. “It seems you’ve found yourself in a bit of a rut.”  She replied as Brendon returned and sat back down at the computer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is it in there Bren?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She seems more sad and scared than anything else. I thought she’d be mad but that doesn’t seem to be the case at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked cautiously to the bedroom, where Gerard was quietly soothing her tears. The puppies were lying on the bed too, with Ollie curled up in her lap. She glanced up at me when she heard me enter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey bub…” I said nervously. “How are you feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fat, ugly, useless, scared….Shall I continue?” She whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down next to her and pulled her into a hug. “You’re not fat. You’re not ugly. And you’re definitely not useless. What are you scared of?”</span>
  <span>'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-of disappointing you, embarrassing you, hurting you, scaring you, making you sad...” She whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You don’t do any of those things.” I assured her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She played nervously with her hands and mumbled something I couldn’t hear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was that?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-nothing.” She countered </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was something. Talk to me.” I said gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I-it’s too scary.” She curled up slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not. You can trust me.” I soothed, holding her close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-before I th-thought I w-wanted to k-kill myself.”  She whimpered, tears beginning to fall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and pulled her in closer. “Do you want me to call Indigo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t kn-know. D-do you w-want to c-call her?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not my decision. Are you still feeling like that right now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know. I-In a way y-yeah but I also d-don’t….” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I put the phone down on the bed. “Let’s get dressed. We’re going out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-where are we g-going?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t decided yet. But we need a change of scenery. Being cooped up in here is not doing anybody any good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t g-go out…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-because of the w-way I look…” She murmured. “I c-can’t go out l-like this...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled my hat out of my bag and grabbed a hairbrush, before sitting her in front of a mirror. “Let’s sort this out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I began brushing, sweeping the clumps around in many different ways. By the time I had it about even all around and the hat on top, we’d been sitting there for about half an hour.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There. Is that better?” I asked. From any angle, nobody would be able to tell she was missing hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded lightly. “I-I feel b-bad about using your h-hat though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about it bub. I’m not using it. Plus, I have like 6 more packed in boxes at the new place.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She trailed her fingers through the ends of her hair, a small smile growing on her face, before it melted once again into a frown.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” I asked worriedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I have to do this everytime I w-want to l-look normal…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “This is just temporary until we can sort something more permanent out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s just go before I f-find something else to c-complain about.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly. “It’s fine Kaitlyn. We can go. Do you want some help?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her face fell. “How am I going to get a-around?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gerard suggested we rent out a wheelchair for the time being. That way you don’t have to worry about stumbling around and hurting yourself.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She glanced up at me nervously. “W-wheelchair?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but it’s only temporary. Don’t freak out about it just yet.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gulped. “W-Will people s-stare?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure bub. Maybe?” I answered lightly. “Please don’t let that stop you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She began shaking lightly. “I-I’m scared. I-I d-don’t w-want p-people staring at m-me.” She whimpered, curling up on herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled her in for a hug. “I know bub, but I don’t know what else I can do to avoid that. I really don't want you getting hurt because you fell.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I d-don’t want to g-go out. P-please let me stay.” She sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re going out. How about we go somewhere where there won't be many people? Would that be better?” I suggested. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-where’s that?” She whimpered. “There’s l-lots of people everywhere…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll think of somewhere.” I assured. “Now, I'll just get dressed and eat my omelette and we’ll go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-who’s coming with?” She stammered. “I-is it j-just us?” She then frowned. “Are you going to make me e-eat?” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You haven’t eaten breakfast, so yes, we will be eating while we’re out. As for the first two questions, who do you want to come with us? Or do you just want it to be us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears were beginning to fall. “I-I don’t know. C-can Gerard c-come?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat back down. “Sure bub. Why are you getting upset?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t eat…” She murmured. “And y-you’re going to f-force me to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Alright. Alright. Let’s talk through what’s going on in your mind. Why can’t you eat?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-because I’m f-fat Sarah!” She protested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I put an arm around her and helped her to the bathroom, before pulling the scales out. “Step on the scales.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I d-did yesterday. Th-that’s h-how I know I p-put on weight…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Step on them. Show me how much you weigh.” I demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nervously stepped on the scale and whimpered when she saw the number come up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, god. That’s...not healthy. You’re severely underweight…” I gulped. It only then just hit me exactly how bad this problem was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I-it’s too much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn! It’s too little!” I spat, a little astounded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-how much do you weigh then Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stepped on the scales and watched as the number came up. “See, Kaitlyn, this is a normal, healthy weight for me. Even on the thin side a little.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but I’m smaller s-so my n-number should be smaller...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>much smaller. Alright. We’re going to do some calculations, and we’ll look on the internet and see what your weight should be.” I said, pulling out the tape measure and grabbing her height.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll just s-say I’m f-fat. I-I don’t w-want to…” She answered</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do realise that you’re saying that you want to make yourself feel bad, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-am I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Kaitlyn, you’re not fat bub. You are incredibly, incredibly skinny. And so incredibly beautiful.” I told her, wrapping her in a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no one will agree with you…” She answered. “C-cause it’s a l-lie…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, would I lie to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I-if you can get Lindsey and Gerard and maybe even d-dad to agree, I m-might believe you.”She challenged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Challenge accepted.” I told her, helping her into the kitchen where everyone else was sitting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh hey Sarah. Your omelette was getting cold so I gave it to Bren. I’m making you another one.” Lindsey told me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, thanks. I’ve just been challenged by Kaitlyn at a task she thinks is ridiculously hard, even though it’s not.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” Gerard asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you, one, think Kaitlyn is too skinny and two, think she’s beautiful?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled. “She is ridiculously beautiful, I agree. And yes, she is remarkably skinny.” He agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lindsey?” I questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “It’s completely and utterly true.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled Brendon headphones off. “Bren? You alive?” I asked, noticing his trance like state.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm? Yeah.” He mumbled, still clicking away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think Kaitlyn is too skinny? And do you think she’s beautiful?” I asked, hoping to draw his attention away from the screen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled Kaitlyn into a hug. “She is so beautiful, even though she’s way too skinny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you believe me Kaitlyn? All of these people agree.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked down at the floor and mumbled something I couldn’t hear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was that little worm?” Brendon stepped in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just, I-I don’t w-want to go out a-anymore.” She mumbled, beginning to walk away from the group.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon got up and trailed her. “Talk to me little worm. What’s wrong?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t wanna t-talk.” She responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but I do. Please stop pushing me out and let me try to help.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned to face him. “I-I don’t t-think you c-can h-help me Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not Kaitlyn? Why can’t I at least try?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I-I just w-want s-some time b-by myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He held his pinky finger out to her. “We promised we’d help each other through this. Right now, this is me helping you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t know wh-what’s wrong with me d-dad.” She whimpered in defeat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat her down on the couch. “Talk through it. Tell me what’s going on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I feel f-fat but everyone says I n-not and then b-before I through I w-wanted to die…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you feel that you wanted to die?” Brendon asked, getting visually upset.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “I-I don’t know. I-I was sick of my b-body and this stupid life…” She admitted. “Everything is hard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what can we do to make things easier on you? How can we make this life not stupid?” Brendon asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I d-don’t know. Y-you’re already doing all you c-can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s obviously not enough. Tell me, what sort of things do you enjoy doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know. Drawing, s-singing?” She answered hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled. “Do you like art?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled slightly. “I g-guess so.” She replied, seeming less on edge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think maybe you’d like to go to an art museum? That might be fun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It would be if I could walk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How does not walking prevent you from enjoying an art museum? You can still enjoy the art.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I become dependent of you guys. I w-would just feel guilty…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How so?” I asked. “Why would you feel guilty?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-because I h-have to always b-be around you. I w-would always inconvenience you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We like being around you.” I assured her. “You’re not inconveniencing us. You’re giving us the pleasure of your company.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-sarah said she w-was going to g-get me a wheelchair…” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can get one with rails so you can push yourself if you’re that worried about it.” Brendon said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t want to g-go outside b-but then I’d f-feel bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. We’re going out. Right now. To the car.” Brendon demanded. “Let’s go people!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn just sat on the couch and curled up on the end of it. She shook her head and started shaking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, bub, we’re trying to help you. I know we’re coming across as the bad guys, but I assure you, we’re only trying to help…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t w-want to b-be here. I-I’m too much of a p-pain. J-just go h-have f-fun without me and l-let me, well……….l-leave?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I’m going to call Indigo. I’ll be back in a few moments.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! P-please!” She begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry bub, but you’re really scaring me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. I-I just th-thought I-I was s-supposed to t-tell you how I f-feel. I’m sorry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were, and I’m really glad you did. I’m just, I don’t want you to feel like that. So I’m trying to help in the best way I know how.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m f-fine!  I swear!” She sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not fine, little worm. And that’s okay. We’ll get you the help you need.” Brendon tired to assure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled Brendon down and cried into his chest. “P-please d-don’t leave.” She wept. “St-stay...I-I need someone h-here…” She tucked herself into Brendon’s lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not leaving you. I’m here. Don’t worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Indigo is going to come here.” I stated, sitting beside her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is Gerard o-okay with t-that? I-It’s his h-house…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Don’t worry, okay? He wants you to be okay. He knew this might happen.” I answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her sobs intensified. “I-I’m s-sorry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine bub. This is all new and scary for all of us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-the v-voices i-in my h-head a-are back!” She panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I leapt up and got her emergency medication for her. I handed them to her and sat back down. “Take these bub.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-my h-hands are s-shaking!” She exclaimed. “I-I c-can’t!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon took the pills and helped get them in her mouth. “Swallow little worm. It’ll help, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She forced herself to swallow, but it didn’t seem to help.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Brendon t-they’re g-getting l-louder!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He held her in tight. “If it doesn’t get better soon little worm, we’ll work something out then. Try to focus on me, okay? Let the medication work.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She let out a high-pitched scream. “HELP! HELP ME!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon started crying. “Th-there’s nothing else I can d-do….” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She began tugging on the ends of her hair. “GET THEM OUT OF MY HEAD! HELP! PLEASE!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He held her hands away from her head. “We’re trying little worm, I promise. We’re trying as hard as we can.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She screamed again, and pried her hands away from Brendon, yanking a clump of black hair out of her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no Kaitlyn, don’t do that!” I exclaimed, pulling her hands toward me. After a seemingly endless cycle of this and more hair on the floor, Indigo came in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Help!” I begged her. “I gave her the emergency medication, but nothing is working!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you guys step back, I don’t want you getting hurt.” Indigo instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon reluctantly let go of her hands and stepped away, letting Indigo try to do her best. I fell into Brendon’s arms, tears spilling out of my own eyes at seeing my daughter like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I might need to sedate her. She’s not calming down…” Indigo admitted. “I brought the stuff in case this happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-do whatever you h-have to help h-her.” I nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo pulled a syringe out of her bag and put it down as she tried to restrain Kaitlyn. “Can you guys help for a second?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded, and Brendon and I did our best to hold her still as Indigo injected her with the sedative. Almost instantly she slowed down, and within a minute, she was asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to stay until she’s awake again, okay? She should be calm when she wakes up, but she might be confused since sometimes people can’t remember this stuff..”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “That’d probably be best. Should we move her to the bed?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo gently lifted her off the ground. “Holy cow, she doesn’t weigh anything at all!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “We were discussing that earlier.” I answered, trailing her into the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How much does she weigh?” Indigo asked nervously as she placed Kaitlyn down gently on the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it was like, late 20’s? Kilograms. It was really, really bad. I don’t know how she’s still going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Neither do I…” Indigo mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And she’s convinced herself she’s fat so she won’t eat anything.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “When you come in on Sunday I’ll give you another prescription for a nutrition drink. She’s going to need it if she refuses to keep eating like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks. We had no clue what to do.”  I responded, wandering back to the lounge room. Brendon was walking around, picking up the ripped out hair, tears falling heavily as he did it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-That’s a lot more than I thought…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-have you l-looked at her? Th-there’s like nothing l-left…” He cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are we going to do?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know. Th-there’s only like 5 or 6 clumps left. There’s not a lot we can do.” He admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The wig it is then…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“U-Unless you kn-know what we c-can do Indigo?” He asked, hoping she’d have an answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head reluctantly. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “We’ll probably have to cut the rest now too since there’s is no hope for it to ever really grow even anymore.” I mumbled, frustrated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon’s face grew a shade paler. “If she’s a-already pulled it all out, w-what will she pull instead?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know Brendon. I don't r-really want to think about that...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“From a psychological perspective…” Indigo said nervously. “The hair pulling was a form of self-harm. She was inflicting pain on herself. I’m assuming she’ll now try to find some other way to inflict similar pain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-do you know what she m-might try?” Brendon stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo shook her head. “There’s no way to know for certain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon threw the hair in the bin and returned to slump into the couch silently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do we keep doing wrong?” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed his hand and began rubbing circles into it. “I don’t know Bren but it must be something horrible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re wonderful parents. This is just an unfortunate situation, and you’ve been thrown into the middle of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there some form of stronger emergency medication? It didn’t really seem to dampen the situation at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to give it to you, I really do. But pharmaceuticals won’t let me because of her age. Something too strong could have detrimental impacts.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then what are we supposed to do?” I asked,, becoming annoyed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “I don’t know. Get her to therapy. I’m going to make it daily. That should help, plus the medication I’ve got. I’m sorry I can’t do anything more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s fine. It’s not your fault. I just wish it was easier.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too…” Brendon mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard entered the room. “Coffee anyone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I feel like we could all use one. Indigo?” I questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds lovely. Thanks…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gerard.” He finished with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He disappeared into the kitchen and left us to talk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you still want to start therapy on Sunday?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should probably start tomorrow, considering today’s events.” Indigo explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “That’s probably best. What are you going to discuss in the sessions?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we’ll just do similar to Brendon. We’ll talk about her life, and I’ll teach her a few coping mechanisms for these type of attacks, so she can help herself and hopefully they shouldn’t be so severe.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you feel about Kaitlyn’s condition?  Is it intimidating at all?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is one of the most severe I’ve treated, but that’s all the reason to help.” She perked up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dr Jo was talking about a support group kind of thing. What’s that all about?” Brendon asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s group therapy. I think it will be particularly useful in Kaitlyn’s case. It’s good for the kids, it helps them realise that they’re the not the only one going through it, and they talk to each other and help each other out. We play games too sometimes, and there’s always free pizza at the end.” Indigo smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon looked in awe and looked to me. “Can I go too Sarah?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo chuckled. “Sorry, this one is just for the teens. I’ll talk to Jo and see if there’s one for adults you can go to. I don’t think there’s pizza though…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pouted. “I wanted pizza. I’m pretty sure Dr Jo hates me to be honest, so she’d probably send me to somewhere horrible…” He moped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, Jo doesn’t hate you. You’re her favourite patient.” Indigo reassured him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m really not. I put her through so much.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You also let her spend the night with you when she was too drunk to drive herself home. She thinks the world of you Bren, trust me. I never hear the end of it. Brendon this. Brendon that. She never shuts up about how great she thinks you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I once told her I wanted a different therapist...She really can’t like me for that.” He countered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She forgave you Brendon, you apologised. Even yesterday, she called me and told me how proud she was of your progress.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sunk into his chair. “That was the worst session ever…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just...stuff.” He moped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s when I found about about the thing, that's all.” He answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What thing?” I questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gulped. “M-matt…” He murmured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Right…” I mumbled. “Sorry…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, I guess.” He replied. “I’m going to call Kara.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay Bren. We’re here if you want to talk.” I said, planting a kiss on his cheek before he got up and left the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was that all about?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“His brother was in a crash and was comatose from what I last heard.” I answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard brought our coffees out and sat them on the table. Brendon returned but sped past the lounge room and returned to his laptop, not saying anything about the call.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I put down the coffee I was drinking and went to find him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong Brendon?” I asked, wrapping him in a hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He simply shook his head and wiped away his tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, talk to me. What’s going on?” I pushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took his headphones off, curled up on the chair and cried into his knees. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started rubbing his back. “What’s going on Bren? Is Matt okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged lightly. “H-he’s s-still b-bad. Th-the doctors are afraid the l-life support is the o-only thing keeping him h-here…” He sniffled. “I-I think I’m g-going to go home t-tomorrow…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled him into a hug. “Are you going alone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-will you c-come w-with me?” He stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you want me to. What about Kaitlyn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “I don’t want her seeing Matt in hospital. I don’t want her going to the hospital.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “That’s okay Bren. Shall we go fill Gerard in with what’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded tearfully. “Y-Yeah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took his hand and lead Brendon into the lounge room. I sat him down before I started talking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon and I are flying to Vegas tomorrow.” I responded briskly, picking up my drink. “Are you going to be able to look after her for awhile Gerard?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That shouldn’t be a problem.” Gerard smiled. “Although, I’m not sure how she’ll feel about that…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll try to talk to her about it. It just depends how she’s travelling.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Can you give me her therapy times and such? And her medication dosages?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah sure. I’ll write it all down for you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” Gerard smiled. “How long are you going for?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t know yet. It just depends what happens.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“G-guys? W-What’s going on?” I heard Kaitlyn ask shakily from behind us.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re just talking bub. Sit down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her legs were shaking. “C-can you h-help m-me get t-to the s-seat?” She asked nervously, holding the cabinet with all her might.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I leapt up and helped her over to the couches. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling, bub?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m s-scared a-and I d-don’t know why.” She whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You had an attack before, bub. That’s why Indigo is here. She had to sedate you because you couldn’t control yourself.” I explained lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “I-I’m s-so sorry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, it’s okay.” I assured. “You did nothing wrong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I p-pulled m-more h-hair, d-didn’t I?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded hesitantly. “But it’s okay. Don’t worry yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She rubbed her almost bare scalp. “S-Sarah i-it’s a-all gone!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay.” I soothed. “It’s okay, I promise.” I pulled her in for a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She started crying into my shoulder. “I-I’m s-so s-sorry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have no reason to apologise Kaitlyn. You don’t need to say sorry.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry!” She cried again. “I-I’m sorry S-Sarah!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. Just stay strong bub. Talk to Indigo. She can help you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-are you and B-Brendon l-leaving m-me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren’s just going to Vegas to see his family bub. I’m coming along in case he needs some support. Being away from them is destroying him. Gerard will take care of you while we’re gone, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at me with fear emblazed in her eyes. “I-I, o-okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be okay Kaitlyn. You can call me whenever you want.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you're -coming b-back, r-right?” She asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course bub. We’re just visiting. We should be back soon”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-How l-long will y-you be g-gone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It should be a few days, it just depends what happens while we’re there.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-do you h-have to g-go?” She asked hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I’m sorry. But we have to go.” I apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why c-can’t I c-come?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve just got to stay here so you can go to therapy and all that. Plus, Brendon is just a little scared of you seeing his brother in hospital. I promise, you can come with us next time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but B-Brendon has therapy too!” She argued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but Brendon’s currently doing better than you are, and even his psychologist agreed that this visit would be good for him. He hasn’t seen his family in almost 2 years, bub.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I haven’t s-seen m-my f-family f-for 9!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I know, and I’m sorry, but I can’t help that. If I could, I would, but right now, this is what Brendon needs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I need you here!” She argued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“KAITLYN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! FOR WEEKS WE’VE BEEN CHASING YOU AROUND AND NOW THAT SOMEONE ELSE NEEDS SOMETHING, YOU STEP IN AND TRY TO DICTATE EVERYTHING! BRENDON HAS BEEN BOTTLING EVERYTHING UP FOR TOO LONG AND I’M TRYING TO HELP HIM GET BETTER, SO YOU CAN JUST BE QUIET AND BE GLAD WE ACTUALLY TOOK YOU IN!” I snapped. I stormed into the bedroom and locked the door behind me to cool down. I was left to realise what I had just done. The guilt set in and I found myself crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard a light knock on the door. “Sarah? Can I come in?” I heard Brendon ask. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” I sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He came in and sat beside me. “It’s okay Sarah. Just talk to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-” I tried to answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay.” He assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ran his fingers through my hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was fine just a guy living on my own, waiting for the sky to fall. Then you called and changed it all, doll. Velvet lips and the eyes to pull me in, we both know you'd already win. Mm your original sin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I then began to realise he was singing to me. He was singing just like he used to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You fooled me once with your eyes now honey. You fooled me twice with your lies and I say, Sarah smiles like Sarah doesn't care. She lives in her world so unaware. Does she know that my destiny lies with her? Sarah,Oh Sarah, are you saving me?” He trailed off, pulling me into a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thank you so much Bren.” I whispered, snuggling into his chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He rested his head atop mine. “It’s fine babe. I thought you might need it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I shouldn’t’ve snapped Brendon. I-I was h-holding on for s-so long and it j-just came out!” I whimpered softly into his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I know. I’m not saying it was a good thing to do, but it’s good to get it out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I h-haven’t snapped like that in so long…” I murmured. “It felt horrible..”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon just nodded in understanding. “I don’t think you’ve ever snapped like that…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” I whimpered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not me you have to say sorry too.” Brendon stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I c-can’t face her j-just yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s understandable. Do you just want to take a few minutes in here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I’m just cooling down so it doesn’t happen again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. Do you mind if I just go check on her for a moment?” Brendon asked cautiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you should g-go. Don’t w-worry about me.” I answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He placed a kiss on my forehead. “I’ll be right back.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0050"><h2>50. Chapter 49- Everything Goes According To Plan (Part 2)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked out of the shared bedroom, and I immediately heard the screams. I broke into a sprint, dashing to the living room, where Gerard was doing his best to try and restrain Kaitlyn, while Lindsey was digging around in the piles of stuff on the kitchen bench, looking for the emergency medication.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn! Kaitlyn you need to breathe! Please! If you don’t breathe you’re going to pass out!” Gerard exclaimed desperately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“THEN JUST LET ME! I DON’T WANT TO BE HERE!” She argued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No no! Kaitlyn!” I exclaimed, rushing to her side. “Please Kaitlyn. Breathe for me. I need you here Kaitlyn. Breathe for me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head and rejected all help. “I’m not good enough! Just let me leave!” She wept. “PLEASE!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey entered with the puffer. “Here, take this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She clamped her mouth shut and brought her knees to her chest. “I’M FINE!” She screamed quickly before closing her mouth shut. Tears were spilling from her closed eyes though she was desperately trying to stop them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I yanked her hands away and Gerard shook the puffer, before popping the cap off and giving her a puff in her mouth. Lindsey put the emergency medication in her mouth too, and she spat them onto the carpet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m f-fine…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not fine little worm.” I explained slowly. “Let us help you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why am I n-not fine? I-I think I’m f-fine…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you told us that you wanted to die. Kaitlyn, we love you, and we want you here more than anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah d-doesn’t!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She does little worm. She feels really bad about yelling. She loves you so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn shook her head tearfully. “I-I d-don’t want t-to d-drag you d-down a-anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t dragging us down little worm. Things would be so much worse if you weren’t here. Please remember that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It w-would b-be better!” She wailed. “Y-you wouldn’t h-have to r-run around t-taking c-care of m-me! A-and you w-wouldn’t h-have t-to move a-and S-Sarah w-wouldn’t h-have to work t-to p-pay f-for me and, and, and!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need to put that stuff behind you. It’s the past, it’s all fine. I need you to be okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pushed herself off of the lounge. “I-I’m l-leaving.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I picked her up. “I-I can’t let you d-do that. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“LET GO OF ME!” She screamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, Kaitlyn, try to calm down. You don’t want to feel like this, I promise. Let me help you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know what I want!” She screamed. “Let go of me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please calm down little worm, or I’m going to get you to the hospital again. You need to try for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! No please!” She wailed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then let us help. You pushing us away is a one way ticket back there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “I d-don’t want h-help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me why you don’t then.” I asked, holding her close to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Because I d-don’t d-deserve it!” She cried. “I-I d-don’t!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you feel undeserving little worm? What makes you any less deserving than anyone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“BECAUSE I’M ME!” She screamed, trying to get past me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not letting you run away. You need to try and face these problems. It’s the only way they’ll go away. They don’t leave when you do little worm. If you leave me, all of that pain and fear gets passed onto all of us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“J-Just let m-me go!” She grunted, trying to squeeze past Lindsey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can’t let you go just yet. You aren’t ready. Please let us help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“J-Just let me go…” She mumbled, collapsing back on the lounge and tucking herself into a ball.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please understand that I’m only trying to help you. It mightn’t seem like it, but I assure you, I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m beyond h-help B-Brendon. J-Just do y-yourself a favour and l-let me go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t beyond help, I promise. You’re doing a great job of getting better, please just keep going. I need you to try to keep going, for me.” I said nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-You’d be b-better off w-without me. T-this isn’t a g-good j-job, Brendon. I-I’ve only g-gotten w-worse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just hearing you say that makes me want to leave myself. I need you Kaitlyn. You’ve helped me hold on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m the r-reason y-your PTSD f-flared u-up in t-the f-first place!” She countered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, I promise. Please hold on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you’re not d-denying it!” She cried. “I-I’m h-hurting you B-Brendon!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your doing more good than bad, I promise. I should be an example. I’m getting better, right? But I’m only getting better with help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She yanked out one of the few remaining strands of hair. “I-I’m not d-doing a-any g-good!” She wailed. “I-I’m n-not helping y-you! I-I need t-to l-leave!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, I’m so close to taking you back to hospital. Please, let us in, let us help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey nervously pulled her phone out of her pocket. “Should I call an ambulance?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded.  “I’m so sorry little worm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no! P-please!” She cried. “P-Please! D-don’t s-send me b-back t-there!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I tried to help you Kaitlyn, but it’s clear it’s beyond me. I want you to get better.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her crying intensified. “N-No! L-Lindsey d-don’t! P-Please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then what do you want us to do?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-anything b-but t-that!” She sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t know what to do little worm. We tried giving you your emergency medication but you spat it out. There’s not much more we can try.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“G-give me m-more then.” She whimpered in defeat. “A-as long a-as you don’t c-call an a-ambulance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey went to get more and returned with the pills. “Are you going to actually take them?”  She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn nodded nervously and held a shaking hand out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey gave her the pills and once they were in her mouth, she gave her some water to get it down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn swallowed the pills hesitantly and was shaking in my arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you lay down while they do their work little worm?” I asked. “It might help you calm down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I w-want to g-go home.” She sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where do you think home is little worm? Where is your home?” I asked, slightly confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I…” She paused. “I-I d-don’t have o-one…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well what do you think a home would have?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “I-It w-would b-be w-warm a-and c-cozy…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-People w-would l-love e-each other and e-everybody would b-be h-happy…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds absolutely amazing. I’m sure you’ll find your home little worm.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “It’s f-feeling like I n-never will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure you will. Do you at least feel safe here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t f-feel s-safe from m-myself a-anywhere.” She admitted nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know if I can help that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t k-know anything…” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know plenty. I wish I could be a bit more helpful though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you’re d-doing a-all you c-can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I’m leaving little worm. It’s so selfish of me. I might call the whole thing off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-No, d-don’t do t-that.” She sniffled. “I-I’ll be o-okay. Y-Your brother i-is more i-important.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I’d love to see my family, but you’re important too little worm. I need to be here for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You n-need to b-be there for y-your b-brother.” She told me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to be okay?” I asked, okay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Should be.” She tried to tell me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure? I can stay if I need to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-You need to go.” Kaitlyn assured me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to be okay while I talk to Sarah?” I questioned lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled at the mention of Sarah. “Y-Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be back soon, okay?” I promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay” She nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked back to the bedroom and saw Sarah just sitting on the bed and staring at the wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Sarah, you okay?” I asked as I sat down beside her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know anymore Bren.” She whimpered quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just feel overworked and useless and horrible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do do a lot Sarah. Maybe just take tonight off. Do you want me to book you a room at a motel for the night? You could just have some Sarah time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I’ll just get over it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk to me. What in particular is making you feel bad?” I questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. My job, everything going with Kaitlyn, the stuff with you, the whole money situation, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m on the highway to releasing a new single. That should help with the money situation, at least temporarily.” I said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just feel like I’m going to blow up again. I’ve got so much pent up and I can’t let it out in any way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I found the stress ball Dr Jo gave me and handed it to Sarah. “Here. Take it out on this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She started fiddling with it lightly before she got angrier and sadder and more scared. She put it down beside her. “I-I don’t know Bren.” She stammered. “I might just have to bottle it up some more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, that’s not healthy. If you don’t want to talk to me, you can talk to Lindsey if you’d prefer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I’m just beyond help right now Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you’re not. You’re sounding like Kaitlyn. Do you want me to see if there’s a psychologist you can talk to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, I guess. Maybe that’ll help.” She murmured hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. I’ll go call Dr Jo’s office. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” I promised, planting a kiss on her forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Bren.” She replied thankfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stepped up from my seat and walked outside, before I dialed Dr Jo. She answered almost instantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Brendon, what’s up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well it’s not me for once. Sarah’s in a bit of a rough patch and I’m not sure how to help. I thought you might be able to help her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is she alright?” Dr Jo flustered, a little surprised at the news.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think so. She’s kind of just reached her limit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Understandable. Do you want to drop her in? I’ve got a colleague who can see her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’d be great, thanks.” I answered. “Is it good if we come in quite soon? I just want to make sure she’s okay, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fine. See you soon Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodbye. Thanks for the help.” I answered, hanging up the call. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked back into the bedroom. “Are you ready to go?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah…” Sarah mumbled, grabbing her purse and getting up from her spot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on Sarah. Let’s go.” I instructed, taking her hand..</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay.” She sniffled, following me out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lindsey, Gerard, we’re going out.” I stated, rubbing circles into the back of Sarah’s hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard nodded. “That’s fine. We’ll call if Kaitlyn starts having another breakdown.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” I murmured, leading Sarah outside and into the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Did I make K-Kaitlyn breakdown?” She asked nervously as I pulled out of the driveway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In a way, I suppose, but we were able to control it.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just feel so b-bad that I-I c-can’t help her. I-I’m only making it w-worse.” She sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t making it worse, I promise. And I feel bad I can’t help her either. I have since she found out about me.” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I keep t-triggering her and t-then I snapped a-at her and n-now she must t-think I h-hate her!” Sarah sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled over at a rest stop. “Sarah, it’s hard to control those things, okay? And your snapping was just a lot of pent up things. Please don’t bash yourself up about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m a h-horrible M-Mom!” She wailed, curling up on the seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a wonderful Mom Sarah. You’ve done nothing but put everyone before you, and that’s why you’re like this. It’s not that you aren’t caring or compassionate Sarah, it’s that you’re caring too much.” I answered, pulling back out onto the road and continuing the drive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon enough, we were at the office. “Come on Sarah. We’ve got to go in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay.” She sniffled, trying to wipe away her tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took her hand and walked her in. Dr Jo was in the waiting room and led Sarah into one of the offices. She then came outside. “Brendon? Can you come with me for a bit?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded, slightly confused and got up from my seat. I wandered into her office and sat down. “Why do you need to talk to me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, one, your wife is in the next room because something that has obviously happened and two, if you’re heading to Vegas I want to talk to you while you’re here. It won’t be as long as usual, so don’t feel alarmed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I huffed. “Do I have to be here?” I grunted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, please don’t get in a mood. I’m just trying to help you. I’m seriously not in the mood to put up with your stubbornness right now.” She sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm not being stubborn, I have a child to get back to.” I told her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I’m sorry. I just want to go over some things before you go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright then. Go.” I told her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well since you’re away it’s vital you’re on top of your medication, so you shouldn’t have a meltdown, and if you feel like you’re going to, then tell Sarah. I’ll try and do what I can but worst case, you get yourself to the hospital, okay?” She instructed. “I know you hate it but since I’m not there that’s what you have to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Fine. Anything else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stay safe, if you feel overwhelmed don’t push yourself. The normal things.” She stated. “Now what happened at home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Sarah and I are going to Vegas tomorrow to see Matt and the rest of my family, but Kaitlyn started freaking out, then Sarah snapped at her and said a heap of mean things, which just send Kaitlyn off in another downward spiral, and it was so bad that we nearly had to admit her back to the hospital, and Sarah’s still having a meltdown, and I don’t know how Kaitlyn is right now, because I’m not there beside her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I suppose I should be letting you get back there, shouldn’t I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably.” I agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well off you go. Best wishes for your trip Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Dr Jo.” I smiled as I got up from my seat. Then I paused. “How’s everything going with Declan?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “My daughter and I are staying in a hotel currently.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s horrible! Do you need any help?” I asked, concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “No, no. We’re just working out a settlement, and as soon as I get the money, I’ve got an apartment lined up. Don’t worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well hopefully everything goes well for you, I suppose.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you Brendon. Now, you have a daughter to get back to, correct?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I shall see you again sometime soon hopefully.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you soon Brendon.” She smiled, giving me a small wave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I waved back and left the room without another word. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked back to the car and began the drive home, before my phone started ringing. I answered it through the bluetooth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Brendon…” Gerard swallowed nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s happening Gerard?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve, um,” He gulped. “We’ve lost Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“WHAT!?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was here! She was sitting and watching TV and then I went to get her some water and I came back and she was gone! We’ve searched the whole house, she’s not here!” He panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “J-Just get in the car and start looking for her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lindsey’s already doing that. She’s checked the block, no sign of her. I’ll keep you updated.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay. I’ll start driving around.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awesome. I’ll do the same. Is Sarah alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s been better…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is she seeing someone right now? Did you get her into a psychologist?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Luckily enough someone was open.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. Anyway, I should go. We’ve got a Kaitlyn to find.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hung up the call and started driving up and down streets searching for her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After about 45 minutes of nothing, Sarah started calling me. I answered the call on the bluetooth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh….hi Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Bren!” She chirped. “I’m feeling a lot better now. I’m ready to go, do you think you could come and pick me up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I suppose….we just aren’t going home straight away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on, Bren?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can’t find her Sarah….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean you can’t find her?! Where is she?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gerard called. Supposedly she’s gone missing. We’re searching the neighbourhood.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long have you been searching Bren?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“45 minutes or so.” I told her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god. “ Sarah murmured. “And still nothing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, nothing.” I admitted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A lot can happen in 45 minutes Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now you're scaring me Sarah!” I panicked. “Should I come and get you or keep looking?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keep looking.” She answered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay. Are you gonna take a cab back or something?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know Bren. I work that out later. I hope she hasn’t done anything…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “I-I’m sure she'll b-be okay.” I stammered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but she might n-not Bren. Sh-she could b-be d-d-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-stop! I-I'm driving S-Sarah. T-this conversation I-is already making m-me t-tremble.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“F-fine.” She stated abruptly, hanging up the phone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>My shaking worsened and I pulled over, allowing myself to calm down for a few moments to regain my composure, even though I was beating myself up the whole time. After all, every second I wasted here was another second Kaitlyn could be…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After about another hour, my phone rang again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-hello?” I stammered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren you need to get to Lonely River. She’s here.” I heard Sarah whimper, her voice cracking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“L-Lonely r-river?” I echoed, my voice trembling as I indicated a change of lane. “I-Is sh-she okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I...um…..I’m n-not sure.” She choked on her words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m coming!” I told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please be quick…” She whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m almost there. I-I’m pulling into the c-carpark. Where are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m at the edge. J-just go down to the b-bank and y-you should f-find me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay. S-see you i-in a m-minute.” I hung up the phone and raced out of the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I found Sarah sobbing on the bank, holding Kaitlyn in her arms. Sarah was checking her pulse as I came down beside her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah?!” I panted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank god you’re here.” She whispered. “She’s barely holding on Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bent down and pulled Kaitlyn into my lap. “S-she’s f-freezing!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sh-she was j-just in the river Bren…” She stammered. “I-I had to p-pull her out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pressed my fingers to her wrist. “S-She’s still with u-us. C-Call an a-ambulance!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah frantically dialled the number and got an ambulance coming. “L-let’s take her up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Yeah. Do you have a jacket or something I can wrap her in? Her lips are blue.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah pulled off her coat and wrapped it around Kaitlyn. “Th-that’s all I have.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s b-better t-than nothing.” I shrugged as I stood up and carried her towards the carpark as the sound of sirens came closer to us.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The paramedics laid her out on a stretcher and loaded her into the back of the ambulance. Sarah went with her and I drove my car down to the hospital. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I met up with Sarah in the waiting room, and she wrapped me in a hug as she cried. “B-Brendon t-this is a-all my f-fault!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no. It’s not your fault babe. Lots of things built up to this.” I soothed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I t-tipped i-it off!” She sobbed into my shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I simply hugged her, deeming it useless to push on. “Stay strong for me Sarah. Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-Have you c-called G-Gerard and L-Lindsey and t-told them we f-found h-her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I’ll tell them now. Hold on for me Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded tearfully and collapsed into the seat. “I-I’ll be h-here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wandered outside and hesitantly pulled out my phone.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0051"><h2>51. Chapter 50 - Uncle Bren’s Music</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>***** Kaitlyn’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah w-why am I-I in the h-hospital?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you tried to k-kill yourself Kaitlyn…” She whimpered quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why d-do I h-have o-oxygen t-tubes in m-my nose?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You almost drowned. You were seriously oxygen deprived and freezing cold when they brought you in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-How l-long h-have I b-been a-asleep?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Almost 2 days now. They weren’t sure if you were going to wake up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I opened my mouth to answer, before I broke into a deep chesty cough. Sarah gently rubbed my back as I practically coughed my lungs out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. Do you want a water or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no, I-I’m o-okay.” I sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want anything at all bub?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-What happened S-Sarah? T-the last t-thing I r-remember was….I d-don’t e-even r-r-remember.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you ran away from Gerard’s house then the next thing I know is that you were in the river, so I pulled you out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s all I-I k-know. I’m s-sorry. D-do you know wh-why you did it?” She stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah I-I’m s-scared!” I panicked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you scared of bub?” Sarah asked. “Please, talk to me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t k-know! I-I’m just s-scared!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh… It’s okay. There’s nothing to be scared of.” Sarah soothed. “You’re safe now, okay? You’re safe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I began shaking. “S-Sarah!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shhh, Shh, please bub. The doctors told me to keep you calm. Please bub, just take a deep breathe for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just want to kn-know what’s g-going on, what h-happened.” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-Alright well, I p-pulled you out of the river a-and they brought you here.” Sarah sniffled, on the brink of tears herself. “Y-You’d s-swallowed s-so m-much water...they had t-to pump y-your st-stomach and d-drain y-your l-lungs of the w-water… Y-y-you’ve g-got a case of h-hypothermia….they s-said that i-if it h-had b-been t-two more m-minutes in the w-water I-I would h-have lost y-you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m s-sorry!” I sniffled, becoming more scared and alert.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah ran a finger down my cheek. “W-why? Why Kaitlyn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know!” I cried. “I-I CAN’T REMEMBER SARAH!” I panicked, curling up. “I-I wish I could t-tell you why….” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh...s-stay calm.” She soothed gently. “W-We’ll see w-when you g-get your m-memory back, o-okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay….W-where is Gerard? D-does he know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-He knows.” Sarah assured me. “H-He’s at home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay. W-what about Brendon? H-he was g-going to s-see his family, r-right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah gulped. “I sent him home. He didn’t go. He was too scared. He almost had a panic attack when he was told what happened to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-But h-his brother i-is more i-important t-than me!” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t going to let him go when he was like that. I was sure he was going to have an episode. Don’t worry, okay? He’ll go if he can when all of this has faded out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A doctor came in. “Oh, hello Kaitlyn.” He greeted, looking over all the machines. “How are you feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-not so good…” I admitted, with a series of coughing following.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, then how are you feeling physically?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My th-throat’s dry and m-my chest h-hurts.”  I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well those will probably hurt for quite some time. Your lungs are still recovering from being full then being pumped, so that’s why it hurts and the coughing is stemmed from the same thing. The water threw your body off-balance.” He explained. “How do you feel emotionally?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “Scared, lost, angry, confused, sad, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “That’s okay. Your psychologist is on her way here now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I snuggled into the sheets. “O-okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor left and was soon replaced with Indigo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry it took so long.” She panted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-save me.” I whimpered. “I-I think I kn-know wh-what h-happened and it h-happening again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sat down beside me. “What going on kiddo?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I think it w-was the voices. I-I think they m-made me do it. They’re b-back and th-they’re t-telling me to f-finish it o-off.” I stammered, terrified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She handed me two tablets and her water bottle. “Take these. The medicene should stop the voices. Did you have emergency medication before the incident, do you remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-maybe?” I offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “Well take these now, and I’ll look into getting some anti-depressants. Do you remember anything else from the event?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head and hastily swallowed the pills. “H-how long will I b-be here I-Indigo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess that depends on your progress kiddo.” She apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-how d-do you th-think I’m d-doing?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Look, Kaitlyn, you’ve just come out of a suicide attempt. Not so good right now, I’ll have to say. Sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I d-don’t l-like it here.” I murmured. “I w-want to b-be home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know kiddo. But you just have to stay here for a while, sorry.”</span>
</p><p><span>I threw the pillow on the floor. “LET ME GO HOME!”</span> <span>I begged. “I DON’T WANT TO BE HERE!” I yelled before launching into another coughing fit.</span></p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, Kaitlyn, please calm down.” Indigo pleaded. “If you keep doing stuff like this, that’s what’s going to stop you from going home, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I HATE THIS PLACE! IT’S STUPID!” I screamed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, take a deep breath in.” Indigo said gently, taking my hands in her own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I c-cant even try to calm down. Not when I’m h-here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, let’s pretend you aren’t here. Where’s your favourite place?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t kn-know…” I sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Think about it. What’s somewhere you really like to be?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I d-don’t know. N-not here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s just say at home, does that sound alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I g-guess so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, can you imagine this room to be your bedroom for me? What does your bedroom look like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-which one?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The one at the Urie household.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I d-don’t know. It’s r-room-like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Describe it to me. What colour are the walls and the furniture?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The w-walls are l-like, light?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah? What sort of furniture do you have in there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-there’s a b-bed, and a d-desk, and a c-cupboard and shelves. Th-they’re l-like white th-then I h-have lots of p-pillows.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What sort of colour scheme is everything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m n-not sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s okay. What are your favourite things in the room?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My b-blanket.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What does your blanket look like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s l-like y-yellowish? From wh-what I remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that what you like about it? Why is it your favourite thing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I l-like it b-because I-I’ve h-had it s-so long and i-it’s hard to sleep without i-it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to ask your Mom if she can bring it in for you?” Indigo offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “It’s f-fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Are you feeling a little calmer now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I g-guess so.” I murmured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good.” Indigo smiled. “How about the voices? Are they still there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-they’re really l-light.” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it better than before?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I-it doesn’t s-seem like they’re screaming anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s awesome kiddo. I’ve also been talking with pharmaceuticals, they’ve offered me some stronger meds for you. That means that you won’t hear them at all anymore. Does that sound good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“R-really?” I asked, becoming excited.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yup. Once I get your Mom’s signature, it’s all official.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thank you!” I enthused. “Thank you so much!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine Kiddo. It’s good to see you’re happy.” She grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly. “Being happy is awesome.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It really is.” Indigo agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah walked back in. “How’s everything going in here?” She asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Much better than before, definitely.” Indigo answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed in relief. “That’s good to hear. How are you bub?” She asked, coming to stand beside me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m o-okay.” I assured her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m glad you’re feeling better. Brendon and Gerard are coming back here to see you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-is Brendon g-going to be okay?” I stammered nervously. “Y-you said he was panicking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s all better now that he knows you’re awake and doing well.” Sarah smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good!” I grinned. “I’m excited to see him again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s very excited to see you.” Sarah promised me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt an odd rumbling sensation in my stomach. It continued and although I tried to ignore it, it go worse. “I-I think I’m h-hungry….” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hungry?” Sarah echoed. “Hungry! That’s great!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I curled up. “I-I guess so…” I mumbled. “C-can I h-have something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. I’ll be right back.” Indigo nodded, leaving the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry...I should’ve just ignored it. I shouldn’t have made her move…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, this is great news.” Sarah assured me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-are you sure? I feel h-high maintenance.” I murmured. “L-like I’m making you d-do too much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not bub. I promise.” Sarah assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I g-guess.” I murmured. The door opened and Brendon and Gerard rushed in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey little worm!” Brendon said, sitting down next to me. “How are you feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m good, I suppose. How about you?” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m amazing now that I know you’re alright.” He breathed happily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “That’s good, I guess. How are you Gee?” I asked happily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m good.” He smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good!” I replied cheerfully. “Indigo should be back soon. She’s getting some food.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. Are you going to eat?” Brendon asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think so. I’m feeling a bit hungry.” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” Gerard asked, a little astounded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I feel like I haven’t eaten in years! My tummy keeps rumbling and stuff, so I told Indigo.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon grinned his famous smile. “That’s amazing news little worm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess so.” I mumbled, still not fully aware as to why everyone had said that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo soon returned with a sandwich and gave it to me on a little tray. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you!” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone was staring as I picked it up and took a large bite. It felt as if I was on stage, or some reality show.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-why are you staring?” I asked nervously. “D-did I do something wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, we’re just a little, um, shocked that you’re actually eating.” Sarah admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well….um….why are you shocked?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because this is the first time we’ve ever seen you eat without fighting it, or throwing up.” Brendon explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, um...okay? I suppose? I j-just feel hungry…” I responded hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s awesome. You can finish the sandwich. We’ll just be here.” Brendon smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. J-just, don’t stare, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you prefer if we waited outside?” Gerard offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I don’t want to be alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone just looked at the floor and walls awkwardly as I quickly tried to finish the sandwich. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I rushed through eating and almost choked on the food before everyone looked up again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry I took so long.” I apologised, picking at the end of my fingers guiltily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was the fastest I’ve ever seen you eat.” Brendon assured me. “No problems at all. We’re so proud of you for finishing that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m bored…” I sighed, looking around the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We could play a game.” Sarah suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What game?” I asked, becoming interested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm...I hadn’t gotten that far yet. We could play pass the word, that’s always fun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are the rules?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s really easy. We all just say a word, and we go around in a circle, and we write a story. Full stop counts as a word. It’s fun.” Sarah grinned, sitting down between Brendon and Gerard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm, okay.” I answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool. Who wants to start?” Brendon asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can dad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool. Um… Let’s go with… Yesterday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard went next. “I”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Went.” Sarah added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To” I grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The.” Indigo smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Zoo.” Brendon continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Full stop.” Gerard stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There.” Sarah giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“An”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Elephant.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Had.” Sarah added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Diarrhea.” Gerard giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ewww!” I responded, trying to stifle my laughter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Full stop.” Brendon laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure how I feel about this game. It’s too weird and is hard to keep up with.” I admitted sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what do you want to do?” Brendon asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo turned the TV on. “How about we watch a movie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” I answered, snuggling into the bed. She turned on a movie and I watched most of it before I started feeling drowsy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah turned the volume down, seeing that I was falling asleep. Everybody else didn’t seem to mind, and I drifted asleep surrounded by my friends and family.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>After the movie ended, visiting was almost over so we started packing everything up to leave. I planted a kiss on Kaitlyn’s cheek before we all left and loaded into the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I honestly don’t think she wanted to jump.” Sarah told me on the drive home. “She told me it was voices. I don’t think the depression is so serious, Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really think so? She really doesn’t seem to remember much about it. Is that all she told you?” I asked, trying to piece the whole thing together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She told me that the voices were telling her. And that sort of led to a semi-meltdown, but we fixed it quickly with some medications.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel horrible for her. There’s so much going on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded in agreement. “At least she seems to be feeling better. And her psychologist has gotten her some new medication, that’s a lot stronger, that should help her greatly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled into the driveway and we got out. Gerard disappeared back into his studio and Sarah and I trailed behind, hand in hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to do babe?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure. I feel kind of exhausted after everything.” She admitted, yawning and laying her head on my shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I led her to the lounge room. “Just want to watch some TV for a bit?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Sounds good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I switched the TV from the cartoons to the news, not realising Bandit was sitting on the other lounge, watching the cartoons intently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey! Put it back!” She whined.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry Bandit.” I responded, flicking back to the cartoons.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay.” Sarah mumbled sleepily. “I like cartoons.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I suppose we’ll just watch this.” I whispered, wrapping my arm around her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not bedtime yet Sarah.” Bandit told her sternly. “No sleeping yet or else Daddy will get mad when you wake him up at 3am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah giggled drowsily. “Okay Bee. I’ll keep that in mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bandit gave her a nod of approval before turning her attention back to the yellow sea sponge on the TV.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah was fading in and out of sleep in my arms. She rested her head on my chest and fell asleep slowly in front of the TV.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bandit sighed. “I did try to tell her. You heard me, didn’t you Uncle Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did. Naughty Sarah.”  I chuckled lightly, brushing some of her hair out of her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should we wake her up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “She hasn’t gotten much sleep lately so it’s good she’s sleeping now.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Well, will you come and play with me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to play?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She considered for a moment. “Hide and seek?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, but we can’t be too loud, okay?” I instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m hiding!” She giggled, running out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“1…….2…….3…….4……..5……….6……...7………8……..9………..10!” I called, and began searching around the house.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here I come ready or not!” I called as I opened the kitchen cupboards. No sign of Bandit. I turned around, and eventually found myself in Gerard’s studio.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you seen Bandit?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, not at ALL.” He said slowly, winking and cocking his head towards the curtains.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I guess she won’t be here!” I exclaimed, swishing the curtains aside to find a giggling Bandit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bandit squealed and started running out of the room. “Catch me if you can!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chased her around the house and eventually caught her in the bedroom, so I picked her up so she couldn’t run away. “Uncle Brendon has you now!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She giggled uncontrollably. “Put me down!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I carried her to the bed and threw her lightly onto the bed. “That’s too much exercise Bee.” I panted, laying beside her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now I count and you hide!” She giggled, jumping straight up and running to the corner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, I think Uncle Brendon has to sit down now Bee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can sit down when you’re dead! 1…….2…….3……”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and got up. I wandered into the lounge room and grabbed a blanket. I covered myself with the blanket and curled up on the floor beside the linen cupboard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uncle Brendon! That’s not hiding!” Bandit whined, pulling the blanket off me. “Come on! I wanna play!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please Bee, I tripped over when looking for you and now I have a boo boo. Please forgive Uncle Brendon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s your boo boo?” She questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pointed to my knee where I had grazed it while I tripped over one of her toys that was lying about the dining room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to kiss it better like Mommy does when I have a boo boo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you want to.” I sighed, looking over the graze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She planted a kiss on my knee. “Is that better Uncle Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled her in for a hug. “Much better, thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you sing me something?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want me to sing?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She considered. “Do you know the song, Don’t Threaten Me With a Good Time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Sure do. Do you want me to sing that one?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes please.” She grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” I responded, getting ready to sing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we go to my room Uncle Brendon?” Bandit asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure thing.” I responded, getting up from my position on the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked to Bandit’s room and I took a seat on the chair, while Bandit sat at my feet, looking up at me expectantly. I cleared my throat slightly, before I began to sing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Who are these people? I just woke up in my underwear…</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>No liquor left on the shelf….</span>
  </em>
  <span>What’s liquor Uncle Brendon?” Bandit asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s um… juice for grown ups.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s it taste like? Why’s it for grown ups?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s very yucky for kids and only grown ups think it tastes good.” I told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked confused. “That’s silly!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should I just continue?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “You should sing a different one.” She suggested. “Like the one about the doors you used to sing all the time.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want me to sing sins?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that what it’s called?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep.” I nodded. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, well imagine, as I’m pacing the pews in a church corridor…”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“And I can’t help but to hear, no I can’t help but to hear an exchanging of words!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Bandit finished.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grinned. “I see you’ve inherited your parent’s musical talent Bee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Music’s awesome! I love it! Dad started teaching me how to sing too!” She enthused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s awesome Bee. Learning any instruments?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to learn the piano. Daddy said he’d teach when I grow big enough to sit at it better since I’m still really small. I’m going to grow big and tall though, and then Daddy will teach me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good Bee.” I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard came out, looking exhausted from his work. “Come on Bee, it’s bed time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aww! But Uncle Brendon and I were talking!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can talk tomorrow Bandit. It’s already past your bedtime.” Gerard stated sternly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to bed too.” I told her, giving her a goodnight hug. “So long and goodnight Bee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay! See you soon Uncle Brendon!” She enthused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I waved her goodbye and went back to the lounge where Sarah was. I laid beside her and wrapped my arms around her, not bothering to go into the bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren?” She murmured, stirred slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go to sleep babe. It’s getting late.” I murmured sleepily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We gotta go to the actual bed babe.” She told me, pushing herself to her feet and dragging me up too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do we really? I could just pass out here. You can go to the room.” I muttered, sitting back down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on Bren. Please.” She said, holding her hand out to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and got up with her help and we laid down in the bedroom. “Night Sarah.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Night Bren.” She murmured, her eyelids already closed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I woke up in a state of panic after yet another nightmare. I pulled my phone of the bedside and checked the time. It was 2am and I was awake as ever. I tried to lie back down and try to get more sleep but the nightmare just returned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren?” I heard Sarah mumble, concerned. “What’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“J-Just a n-nightmare.” I mumbled. “G-Go back to s-sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright? Do you need your medication?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-where i-is it?” I asked. “I-I’ll g-get it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh…..” She droned sleepily. “Front pocket of my bag, I think.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Thanks S-Sarah. Y-You get some s-sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I found the medication in the bag and grabbed my laptop and my headphones, before heading out to the kitchen. After getting myself a glass of milk and downing the pills, I set myself down at the table and put my headphones on, opening the song file I hadn’t touched since before Kaitlyn had gotten herself back into hospital.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-----------------------------------------------------------------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When morning finally broke, Sarah came from the bedroom. “You out here Bren?” She asked lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah! Tell me what you think of this! Come here, listen.” I rushed, sitting her down in front of the computer and putting my headphones on her ears before pushing play.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The song had barely started when she sprouted a huge smile. Once the song was over, she pulled the headphones off and pulled me into a hug. “It’s brilliant Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Sarah.” I grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her smile fell slightly. “Have you been out here all night?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked at the time. “I guess so.” I replied. “Don’t worry though. It’s not a big deal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a big deal Bren. How much sleep did you even get last night?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve gone for days without sleep, Sarah. I got 4 and half hours last night. That’s heaps. Please, stop worrying, I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not fine. Why didn’t you go back to sleep?” She interrogated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know how these nightmares are Sarah.” I mumbled. “Everytime I close my eyes, I’m straight back there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you have the medication?” She asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but it takes about half an hour to take effect, and I got carried away into this song, and, well, yeah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, you can’t keep doing this. If the nightmares are that bad, then you need to talk to Dr Jo, and see if we need better medication. You can’t just keep staying up, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think you’re fine or should I book an appointment?” Sarah asked, pulling out her phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine Sarah. I’m great. I think this song is actually sounding reasonable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay Bren, when are you going to see Robert about the song?” She asked, heading into the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll call him today.” I shrugged. “Are you making coffee?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, you want one?” She offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes please, beautiful.” I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blushed and headed over to the coffee machine to start preparing the drinks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did you sleep?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was alright, I suppose. I kept worrying about everything though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully we have no more hiccups and then everything will be good soon.” I murmured in agreement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know where my laptop is, actually? I really should start on the work stuff I have to do.” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really shouldn’t be working Sarah.” I told her firmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, well we need money so I have to.” She sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Let’s go see Robert. Once the single is out and we have some cash flow, you won’t need to work anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine Brendon. Don’t worry about it. It’s only a bit of stuff I have to do, it’s not a tonne.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I think it’s in the room on charge.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Bren.” She planted a kiss on my cheek and placed my coffee beside me before disappearing into the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uncle Brendon!” Bandit giggled, running into my arms for a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Bee!” I enthused, picking her up and sitting her on my lap as I hugged her. “How’d you sleep?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good!” She grinned. She pulled my coffee closer to her. “Is this hot chocolate? Can I have some?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pushed it away from her. “You can’t have any. I can make you hot chocolate if you want some.” I offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes please Uncle Bren!” She giggled happily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I made her a hot chocolate and returned to see her messing around on the computer. “What are you doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She lifted her fingers from the keys. “I-I was j-just playing club penguin!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I need you to hop off of that now, okay?” I instructed lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She frowned but closed the browser window. “Okay fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I placed her slightly cooled hot chocolate on the table. There you go Bee. Enjoy that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grinned. “Thanks Uncle Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A drowsy Gerard came out and sat beside Bandit. “Hey guys.” He murmured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Gee. What’s up?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “Just a bit tired.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you stay up late or something?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “I had a call like halfway through the night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who from?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had a friend call. He was apparently panicking because some stuff for his wedding collapsed on itself and it’s next week.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh man. That sucks, I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. He’s fine. He managed to get some stuff sorted. He was just wondering if I could sort out some entertainment, so that’s my plan for the day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Sounds cool. Gonna organise a MCR reunion for the show?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckled. “Who knows. I really need to talk to the guys again now that I think about it. What are you doing today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably just going to see Kaitlyn.” I shrugged. “Oh, and Dr Jo in the afternoon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like it could be interesting. Is Sarah up yet?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, she’s working. Her boss is being a bit of a cow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sucks. You want breakfast?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds amazing.” I nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bacon and eggs?” He offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we have pancakes Daddy?” Bandit asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pancakes are for weekends only Bee.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it’s vacation!” She whined, jumping up and down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And little girls who throw tantrums don’t get pancakes at all.” He stated sternly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bandit sighed. “Please Daddy? I’m sure Uncle Brendon wants pancakes!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can have pancakes if you eat a piece of fruit first.” He offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She picked up an apple from the fruit bowl and took a big bite of it. “Okay!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled and Gerard started pulling out the ingredients for pancakes. “Are you okay with pancakes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grinned, deciding to toy with Bandit. “Hmm...I’m not a big fan of pancakes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard caught on. “That means no pancakes Bee. We need to be nice to our guests.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-But!” She protested. “But I ate the fruit and e-everything Dad!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want Uncle Brendon to be happy, right?” He asked. I pouted to add to the situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah….” She said unsurely, looking at my pout.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well then, no pancakes. Maybe some other time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And with that, Bandit burst into tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was only joking Bee.” I chuckled slightly. “We can have pancakes. I like pancakes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “You meanie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you already knew I was a meanie Bee. This isn’t the first time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now you’re a bigger meanie!” She pouted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You hurt my feelings Bee. That’s super mean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now we’re both meanies.” She nodded. “That’s fair. Do you want to play?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I don’t play with meanies.” I reinforced, trying to prove a point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not a meanie! I promise! I’m nice!” She protested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then you have to say sorry, Bee.” Gerard explained lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry Uncle Bren.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’m sorry I was mean to you before. Are we fair now?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and I pulled her in for a hug. “Do you still want to play?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She giggled and ran out of the room. “Count to 10 then come and find me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I faced the wall. “1……….2……...3………..4………..5……….6……….7………...8……..9…….10!” I called. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I searched around for Bandit, stopping to pick up her toys so I didn’t trip on them before going to find her. I walked into the bathroom and heard a light giggle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pushed the curtain away from the bathtub and saw her saw Bandit sitting there, curled up with a huge grin on her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“PANCAKES!” Gerard called from the kitchen. Bandit rushed past me toward the kitchen and she tripped on carpet. I ran to her side and went to see if she was alright. She had tears lightly falling down her face and she was holding her knee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me see what you’ve done.” I instructed. She pulled her hands away to reveal a small gash on her knee. She whimpered when I touched around it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stay here Bee. Uncle Brendon is going to get a band-aid, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I placed the band-aid on her knee and she wiped the tears away. “Kiss it better?” Bandit asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and planted a small kiss on her knee. “Is that better now?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and stood back up, this time, walking to the dining room. She sat quietly at the table while she waited for Gerard to serve her breakfast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want on your pancakes bumblebee?” Gerard asked her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I have syrup please Daddy?” She piped up, getting excited after seeing the pancakes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” He smiled, pouring some syrup over the pancakes, before putting the plate in front of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you Daddy!” She smiled before she started eating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want some pancakes Brendon?” Gerard offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” I shrugged. “Do you want to make some for Sarah too?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He poured some of the batter into the pan. “Of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard finished cooking the pancakes and handed me two plates. I took them into the bedroom where Sarah was fixated on the computer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Breakfast is here.” I said, pulling the computer away from her reach.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on Bren, I was almost finished that part.” She moped, reaching for the computer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eat first.” I told her sternly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed and ate some of a pancake before she grabbed her computer again and started typing something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled it from her grip and put it on a shelf she couldn’t reach. “Eat the whole thing, then you can have it back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, I just want to get it done.” She explained. “I’ll worry about other things later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eating is more important than work. Faster you eat, faster you get it back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She groaned and started eating. She still seemed mad at me. “There, done. Are you happy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I kissed her forehead and returned her laptop. “Thank you Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you had your everyday medication yet?” She asked, continuing her typing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not yet. I’ll go do that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.” She responded. She opened a new document, and after inspecting it, she dropped her laptop on the bed and sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up Sarah?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve barely made a dint in the work Bren. There’s so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Call Ned and tell him you can’t. You’re under enough stress as it is.” I told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I have to get all this done or I’ll lose the job. I can’t risk it Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should just quit.” I sighed. “I wish I was making enough to support you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s fine Brendon. Don’t push yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get dressed.” I told her, walking to the suitcase. “We’re going to see Robert.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can go. I’m going to stay here to get this done. I don’t really need to be there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes you do, because depending on what he says, we might be going to see Ned afterwards.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” She mumbled, pulling some clothes out of her bags. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grinned and disappeared into the bathroom to get changed. After a quick shower and a shave, I walked back out to the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re going to see Robert.” I told Gerard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” He smiled. “Good luck!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s Robert?” Bandit asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s the one who takes Uncle Bren’s music and puts it everywhere and sells it and gives me my pay check.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay!” She enthused. “Good luck with your music stuff!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Bee. You be good for your Daddy today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will!” She promised. I waved them goodbye and lead Sarah to the car. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are we all good to go?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” She mumbled, still tapping away on her laptop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, please turn it off.” I instructed, turning on the radio to distract her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to get this done Bren!” She exclaimed. “You can drag me along, but that doesn’t mean that the work just disappears!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and just kept driving. Once we got to the offices, I parked and looked over to Sarah. “That,” I stated, pointing at the laptop, “Stays in the car.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll get stolen if I leave it here Bren, this is LA. Or it’ll overheat!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Turn it off and put it under the seat.” I instructed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m supposed to be online! I’ll get in trouble! Or I won’t get a lunch break!” She whined.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If your boss is going to be that much of an ass, I’ll sort him out myself. Turn it off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed and shut the laptop down. “If I get in trouble Bren, this is your fault.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I take full responsibility. Let’s go.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked in and headed up the elevator to Robert’s office. He smiled when he saw us.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon! Sarah! Hey guys!” He grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Robert! How are you?” I asked, sitting down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good, good.” He said. “How about you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been great!” I enthused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s the music been going?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s actually why I’m here. I’ve actually got something to show you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I handed him the USB stick and he smiled, plugging it into his computer and opening the file.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon’s best song ever?” He asked, referring to my file title.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled. “It’s a working title. I am really happy with it though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pushed play, and the familiar sounds began sounding through the speakers. I saw Robert’s smile grow and grow as the song continued on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once the song ended, I sat nervously waiting for his reaction. “How is it?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s great Brendon!” He grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think it needs anything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, actually. I think it’s great.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awesome!” I enthused. “I’m really glad you like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should we work out the details for release and pay?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, sure.” I answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’ll retail for the normal price, and how much percent of that do you want?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I honestly don’t know. What do you think?” I asked, unsure of a reasonable amount.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“60 percent?” He offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah? Can you help me with this?” I asked hesitantly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds reasonable.” Sarah nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I suppose we’ll go with that then.” I answered nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awesome. When do you want to release?” Robert asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As soon as possible, I suppose.” I stated, thinking back to Sarah’s work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we need to tease it first to get sales. Plus marketing, so I’m thinking, maybe a month from now?” Robert offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Sounds good, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Robert looked at us. “Any particular reason you want it released so soon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Sarah’s boss is being a pain. I’m trying to get some money so she doesn’t have to work.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have money troubles Brendon?” He asked worriedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little bit.”  I admitted. “There’s just been a lot of large expenses.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well…..because…….I don’t know. I didn’t think it was important.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He opened a desk drawer and pulled out a checkbook. “How much do you need?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, don’t worry. We’re fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He studied my face for a moment and began filling it out. “As your agent and producer, Brendon, I’m also in charge of making sure that you’re all good finance wise. Look, the facts are, if you’re worrying about money, you can’t be thinking about music. So here, this is your ‘bonus’ for the time being.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He handed me a check for five thousand dollars.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really can’t take this. It’ll be fine.” I tried to assure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He held his hands up. “No take backs Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Really? Look, it’ll be fine. It’ll work out. I just have to work harder, then soon enough we should be fine again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, consider this an investment of the sorts. An investment in the hope that you’ll bring me more amazing things like this song here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll try.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awesome. Is there anything else you wanted to discuss while you’re here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Not particularly.” I muttered, frustrated at the money situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, then I suppose we’re finished here. We’ll keep in touch about marketing and such of the song.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I suppose I shall see you in future.” I said, standing up from the seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodbye Brendon. Best of luck with what’s going on.” Robert waved.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I led Sarah back out to the car and I sat down. I stared down at the check and felt horrible. “This sucks.”  I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What sucks?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The fact that Robert had to give us money. That I’m not making enough to provide for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, he just gave you a paycheck.” Sarah assured me. “He’s just trying to help. Plus, you’re getting 60% for the song! That’s amazing!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess so.” I murmured, pulling out of the carpark. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, so if the song sells for a dollar and you’re getting 60%, then you’re getting 60 cents for every time it gets downloaded. How many downloads did your last song get?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A million and something.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See! That’s 60 cents times a million! And then of course you’ve got radio paying to play it, you’re going to be making plenty Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but what if it doesn’t sell well?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll still earn from whatever does sell Brendon. That’s better than nothing.” Sarah assured me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are we going to go now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know Brendon. You pick.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s just go see Kaitlyn.” I decided.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That does sound nice.” Sarah agreed. “Do we need to take her anything from home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Her blanket, probably.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded in agreement. “And her phone to cure boredom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Sounds good.” I stated, beginning to drive back to the Way’s house.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0052"><h2>52. Chapter 51 - Brendon, The Overachiever.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>*****Kaitlyn’s Point of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I woke up to a rustling noise in the room. “H-hello?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey bub.” Sarah said, gently stroking what was left of my hair. “How are you feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, I suppose.” I answered, still a bit drowsy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good.” Brendon said, appearing on the other side of me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-how are you guys?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re good.” Sarah smiled. “We brought you some things from home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’d you bring?” I asked, sitting up slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We brought your phone, your blanket and some candy.” Brendon said, putting the items on the bed. “Although I already started eating some of the candy, sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled. “It’s okay. Thanks for bringing the stuff in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem little worm.” Brendon assured me, putting another twizzler in his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can I have one?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” Brendon said, passing me the packet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took one out and placed the packet on the table beside the bed. I started eating it slowly and just stewed in the silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded lightly. “What have you guys been doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve just been to see my producer. My next single gets released in a month.” Brendon grinned. “It’s very exciting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah gasped. “I gotta go back to the car. I forgot something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon looked frustrated. “Okay. Come back though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded and quickly left the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s she getting?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Her laptop, most likely.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why does she need her laptop?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She started working remotely, so she hasn’t been off it all morning.” He sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is it my fault?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “Not at all. If anything, it’s mine since I took a break from music.” He soothed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-But I-I’m the one with a-all the e-expensive m-medical f-fees!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t the only one with expensive medical fees little worm. I have my fair share of my own. It’s not your fault.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I have m-more than y-you B-Brendon!” I panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay little worm, I promise. After I get music started up again, she won’t have to work. It’s just temporary. Don’t worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “I-It’s a-all my f-fault!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled me into a hug. “It’s not your fault, I promise.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started hyperventilating, which made my lungs feel like they were on fire, or filled with lava. I started crying, which only added to the problem.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please try to take deep breaths for me little worm. You’re only going to end up in the psych ward, and I don’t want you there. Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-Please n-no!” I begged. “P-Please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take some deep breaths for me little worm.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a long, raspy breath in, trying to force some air into my lungs. Brendon found the oxygen nubbins I’d taken out earlier (without permission, but they were itchy) and put them back in my nose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tears worsened. “I-I- D-do you h-have the inhaler?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ruffled around in Sarah’s bag and gave me a puff. “Does that help?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A bit.” I admitted, finding it a bit easier to breathe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah re-entered, her laptop in hand. “What did I miss?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just a bit of a minor breakdown. Are you feeling better now little worm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yeah.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry I wasn’t here bub.” Sarah apologised. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no, it’s fine.” I assured. “It’s not y-your fault I c-can’t control it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah just gave me a sympathetic look and opened her computer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked up at Brendon and felt an unexpected stomach lurch. I felt like I was going to be sick, but I wasn’t sure why. Brendon then began fussing over me after seeing my reaction. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright little worm?” He asked. “Do you need something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head but wrapped my arms around my stomach, hoping it somehow stop the feeling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon brought me a sick bag. “Here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I held the bag in my shaking hands and started emptying my stomach. It felt horrible. Sarah looked up from her computer and gently rubbed my back, her fingers running over the bones that jutted out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry…. I d-didn’t mean to distract you S-Sarah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, bub it’s fine.” She assured me, putting the sick bag from my fingers and tying it off. “I’ll just get rid of this. Be right back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It feels like I have a tummy bug.” I sighed, lying down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll talk to the doctor's about it.” Brendon told me, sitting down. “I’ll just wait until Sarah gets back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to swallow all the remaining vomit to remove the taste but it didn’t work. “Do you have any water?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled a plastic bottle from Sarah’s bag and handed it to me. “Yeah, here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a few sips until the taste went away and placed the bottle on the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling now?” Brendon asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still feel sick, I suppose, but it isn’t too bad yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want some medicine or some painkillers or something?” He offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I’ll just get over it, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you’re sick, it’s not as simple as that. Here, tell me what hurts, or what feels funny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just my stomach. It keeps lurching and it hurts.” I explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Has it been like this since you got into hospital or is it new?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only since this morning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When Sarah gets back I’ll get a doctor in.” He assured me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “It’s fine. I’ll be fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s not.” Brendon told me sternly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve probably just got a virus or something. It’s not a big deal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s why it’s serious little worm.” Brendon sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah soon returned and sat down beside me. “How are you feeling now?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Still a bit sick. Brendon’s making a big deal out of it though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to get a doctor.” Brendon said, leaving the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know why he’s fussing.” I told Sarah. “It’s not really a big deal, is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is a bit, bub.” She sighed, sitting down beside me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’s that?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you’re sick. We need to make sure that you’re healthy.” She told me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I simply sighed. Brendon soon returned with a doctor by his side. “What’s the problem?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There isn’t one.” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s got a bit of a stomach bug.” Sarah explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, that’s alright. When did it start?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This morning.” Brendon told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Okay. Can you sit up for me Kaitlyn?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I cringed at the pain it caused when I sat up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you hurt? Where’s your pain?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“J-Just around m-my lungs.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gulped. “Ah, okay….” He mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is t-that bad?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It can be. It just depends. Explain the pain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s l-like, s-sore?” I asked, not really understanding the question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it like aching, or burning?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Burning…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well we may have to do some testing, to see if the draining has somehow affected your lungs, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked up at him in fear. “W-what sort o-of tests?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Physical tests probably, x-rays. Scans maybe. Worst case a biopsy. We’ll see.” He explained briefly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Back to the stomach bug…” Sarah changed the subject, looking at the look of imminent fear on my face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully with a bit of medication you should be fine, if not, you should be fine to just let it pass. If it gets worse we’ll look more into it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks doc.” Brendon said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s no problem.” He stated before walking out of the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah?” I stammered, still scared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah bub?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what’s going to h-happen? I d-don’t w-want another biopsy!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh. It’s okay. Nothing’s going to happen.” She soothed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m really scared Mom!” I sobbed, sinking into the blankets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I’m sure they won’t do any biopsies. And a biopsy to the lungs is better than to the brain, they don’t even need to make an incision. No scars, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “I’d rather have a scar on my chest than my head.” I moped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I’m sorry.” Sarah apologised. “But there’s nothing I can do. And when your hair grows back, you won’t even be able to see it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry for complaining.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay bub.” She said, going back to her laptop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After snuggling into the blankets, I started feeling tired. I tried to stay awake but failed and ended up drifting slowly to sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Sarah’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“372 emails down, 485 to go.” I muttered, opening another stupid email.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you going Sarah?” Brendon asked, sitting beside me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s so much to do.” I sighed. “It’s going to take forever to work through my inbox.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to take a break?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “It’s never going to get done if I keep taking breaks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I have to go see Dr Jo soon. Will you be okay?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be fine Bren.” I assured him. “I’ll try to be as productive as possible until you get back so we can take a break.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, but don’t push yourself too hard.” He told me, planting a kiss on my forehead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you soon Bren.” I smiled. “Love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love you too Sarah.” He replied, walking out of the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly and turned my attention back to my computer. 5 new emails had entered my inbox. I sighed and continued working through them, doing whatever I needed to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After what felt like forever, I finally got to the last few.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah come on! It’s 7pm! You promised we’d go out for dinner!” Brendon whined, standing beside me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, Bren I’m almost done. Soon, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve been working non-stop all day.” He sighed. “Come on, take a break.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will in a second.” I promised, pulling up another email.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, please Sarah.” He begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just, uh, get ready or something, I don’t know. I’ll be done soon.” I proposed, focusing on the computer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been ready for the past hour when you told me to get ready because we were about to go out for dinner.” Brendon stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I’m sorry. I have like two more after this one.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My computer beeped as another email arrived.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon closed the computer lid. “Let’s go, Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and got up from my seated position. I straightened out my clothes, touched up my makeup and went to regroup with Brendon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Finally! There you are! Where do you want to go for dinner?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know Bren. You decide.” I mumbled, fed up with the prospect of doing anything other than work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “Alright. Get in the car.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I climbed in the passenger seat and Brendon started driving. “Just somewhere close, okay Bren? I still have stuff to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope, I have somewhere special planned.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It then clicked how fancy Brendon was dressed up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are we going Bren?” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Somewhere….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you be more specific?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned and flopped back into the seat. “It better not be expensive Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not your place to worry Sarah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, we aren’t exactly swimming in money, so you can’t go spending it willy nilly. Just go somewhere cheap, please.” I instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m treating you. We missed our anniversary because I was away, so think of this as a belated anniversary dinner.” He stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I’m not that dressed up, Bren. We should just go somewhere cheap and close.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, Sarah. Just let me do something nice for you for once. That’s all I ask. There’s some clothes of yours in the trunk from when we were moving everything. See if there’s something in there.” He suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Take me home, Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why Sarah? Why do you contest to this so much? I just want to make you happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, Bren. And I love that about you. But there’s just too much going on at the moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled over into a little park, but he didn’t get out. He just curled up on the seat and started lightly crying. “I-I know. I-I j-just w-wanted t-to-” He stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Bren, babe, if this really means that much to you, we can go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no. I’ll take you home.” He sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want you to be sad Bren. Come on, show me what you’ve got planned.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He started driving again and took me to a small restaurant. It was slightly formal, with reservations and such. He had reserved a special table and took me up to the balcony. It was very quiet as we were the only ones up there, but there were plants lining the edges and lights strung across the courtyard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not much, but I just thought it was nice.”  He mumbled. “Do you still want to go home? I can take you home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, this is beautiful.” I smiled, looking around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled a chair out and gestured for me to sit down. He sat across from me and smiled with no explanation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you smiling?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He snapped out of his apparent daze. “Sorry, just admiring your beauty as usual.” He answered, seemingly embarrassed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled. “Thank you Bren. You are looking remarkably beautiful today as well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He blushed slightly. “Thanks.” He smiled. “So how are you feeling Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “At the moment? I’m a bit stressed. But this is nice, it’s helping.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well why are you stressed? Is it work?” He asked, concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Work, and all the Kaitlyn drama. Plus the move. It’s all just building up.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stood up and walked behind me before encasing me in a hug. “I’m sorry I can’t do more.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, Bren, it’s not your fault. You’re awesome and I love you.” I assured him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it’s not my fault.” He murmured. “I just wish there were more ways for me to help you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re helping me by bringing me here. This is amazing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled. “You hungry?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grinned back. “What do they have?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He handed me a menu. “Too much to list.” He chuckled lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I scanned through the menu, trying to ignore the prices as best as possible. “This does sound incredible Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Found anything that’s sounds good?” He queried, flicking through a menu of his own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The salmon sounds nice.” I mumbled, examining the page. “What about you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m thinking I might have lasagne. Am I good to order?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Can you get me a drink too?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Course.” He answered. “What do you want?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A glass of wine sounds amazing.” I told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I’ll be right back.” He smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I leaned back in the chair and grinned to myself as I thought about how amazing my husband is. He had gone to all this effort… guilt started to creep in as I remembered how I’d made him feel in the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He soon returned with drinks in hand. “The food should be here soon.” He stated. He seemed to notice my dismal expression, and took my hand. “What’s wrong Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m really sorry about what happened in the car Bren.” I apologised. “This is incredible. I’m sorry for not being grateful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s fine. You’ve been super busy and stressed lately, it’s fine. I’m just glad we’re here now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Sometimes I forget just how amazing you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He blushed. “I think you’re mistaking me for someone else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m not. You’re incredible and amazing and I love you more than words can say.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Sarah.” He grinned. “You’re super amazing though. I can’t even begin to fathom a way to describe your amazing-ness.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled. “Thank you Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon enough, a waiter came with our food. “There you go Mr and Mrs Urie. Hopefully you enjoy your meal.” He stated before returning to the main part of the restaurant. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon smiled at me. “Enjoy, beautiful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I blushed lightly and giggled. “You too, handsome.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took of the salmon and groaned in happiness. “This is beautiful food.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon nodded, not being able to answer with his mouth full of food. I laughed at his blown up, chipmunk like cheeks when he looked up at me. He smiled and quickly swallowed the food before he erupted into laughter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started laughing. “You’re hilarious!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good.” He chuckled. “Considering I’m not really trying.” He grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t even have to try. You’re perfect.” I complimented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Sarah. You’re the perfect one however. I’m so lucky to be able to call you my wife.” He countered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I blushed. “You’re the most amazing husband I ever could have wished for.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He came up behind me, pulled me out of my chair, held me close and smashed his lips against mine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you so much Sarah.” He whispered in between breaths.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you so goddamn much Brendon Urie.” I whispered back, enjoying his embrace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After the rush from the kiss subsided, Brendon held me in his arms and swayed me side to side lightly as he began to sing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Do I look lonely? I see the shadows on my face. People have told me, I don’t look the same. Maybe I’ve lost weight. I’m playing hooky. With the best of the best, Pull my heart out of my chest, so you can see it too. I’m walking the long road, watching the sky fall, the lace in your dress tingles my neck, how do I live?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes to block out distractions. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>The death of a bachelor, oh oh oh, Letting the water fall. The death of a bachelor, oh oh oh. Seems so fitting for happily ever after. How could I ask for more? Lifetime of laughter at the expense of the death of a bachelor.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He continued, holding me tighter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled, but didn’t say anything, just enjoyed his warm embrace. He gently swayed from side to side, and I stepped with him, in a strange slow-dance sort of thing. We reached the end of the song, but just kept dancing in the silence, enjoying the moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s getting late.” He whispered. “Shall we go back and relax there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Relax where?” I asked. “I like it here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but there is something else I planned for you. You feeling up to it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “You are awesome at making plans.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took my hand and led me back to the car. Once he was driving, I became more and more curious, as we were headed an odd direction, down a road  I hadn’t known about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are you taking me Bren?” I asked him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Somewhere…” He answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you be more specific?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could, but then it wouldn’t be a surprise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“True. But will you at least tell me how far away it is?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled into a dusty car park. “About a five minute walk from here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I climbed out the car and shivered at the cold night air. Brendon took his jacket off and draped it around my shoulders to keep me warm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took my hand and led me through the trees along a worn walking path. He pushed a few branches away in the process and eventually unveiled a crystal clear lake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woah.” I breathed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This place is always been quite hidden, so it’s still beautiful and yet to be ruined, I suppose.” He stated, leading me to a small hill looking over the lake. “Is this relaxing enough?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is amazing Brendon. I don’t know how you come up with this stuff.” I sighed happily, snuggling into him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wrapped his arm around me and stared over the lake. “This is probably my favourite place around here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m honoured that you’re sharing it with me.” I smiled. “It’s beautiful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just like you.” He whispered, planting a small kiss on my forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled. “I’m falling in love with you all over again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad.” He stated, holding me close. He was so warm and comforting. “You still cold?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a little chilly up here.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He introduced a bag I hadn’t noticed before and pulled out a thick wooly blanket. He spread it over the two of us and resumed our cuddling. “Better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “You’ve thought of everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just wanted to make sure everything was perfect for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know how this could be anymore perfect Bren. Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s no problem Sarah.” He assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for tonight. It’s been one of the best of my life.” I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s good to just get away from everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “It certainly is. But I have one more thing to give you before the night is over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He reached into the bag and handed me a jewelry box. “For my favourite wife.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thank you Brendon!” I exclaimed, wrapping him in a huge hug.     </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckled. “Open it first. I want to make sure you like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I already know I will.” I smiled. I opened up the box to unveil a necklace with a beautiful pendant. It was seemingly simple, but the gemstones in it were absolutely beautiful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-do you like it?” He asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love it Brendon.” I answered, giving him a kiss to make my point clear. “It’s amazing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled. “I’m glad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at his phone. “Almost 11.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow. It felt so much shorter than that. Like the night just begun.” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon nodded. “Do you just want to stay here for a bit longer and enjoy the view?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” I answered, snuggling into Brendon’s chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We probably sat there for another half hour, just enjoying each other’s company. We talked about fun times together, and we laughed. Although the time did come when we had to leave, much to my dismay. I would have loved to stay in that moment forever. Although then it wouldn’t be a moment anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take my hand Sarah. I wouldn’t want the monsters getting to you!” Brendon joked, holding out his hand for me. “Let’s head home.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Alright. It’s a shame to leave though. This place is so beautiful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll come back, I promise.” He vowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “That sounds nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We ventured back to the car and I started feeling tired. Brendon sat me down and did up my seatbelt for me before he started driving home. I was barely awake when he carried me inside and tucked me in. He planted a kiss on my forehead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight Sarah.” He whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What did I do to deserve a guy like him?</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0053"><h2>53. Chapter 52 - The Brendon Urie Fan Club</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Morning beautiful.” Brendon smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grinned slightly and ran a hand through my hair. “Morning Bren. What’s the time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Time for breakfast!” He giggled, handing me a plate of bacon and eggs. “Gerard and I have been cooking for you all morning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For like the past half hour.” Gerard corrected.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled. “Thank you Brendon and Gerard, for making me breakfast.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem beautiful.” Brendon grinned. “Take a seat, Lindsey should be up soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bandit! Breakfast!” Gerard called.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bandit ran into the kitchen. “What’s for breakfast?” She asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard sighed. “Bacon and eggs today Beezle.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have pancakes from yesterday?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “No pancakes. We’re going to have a healthier breakfast Bee. We can’t always have food coated in sugary syrup. Can you sit at the table with Sarah please?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pouted but came and sat next to me. I smiled. “How are you Bandit?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “Alright, I suppose.” She answered. “How about you Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m great.” I smiled. “What did you do last night?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I watched some movies and drew with daddy!” She smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds fun.” I smiled. “I went out for dinner with Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds like even more fun! Uncle Brendon’s the best!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve got another member in the fan club Bren!” I giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon chuckled and sat across from me. “Sounds like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you in the fan club Sarah?” Bandit asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Very much so.” I giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about you Dad?” She asked as Gerard walked into the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” He asked, confused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you in the Uncle Bren fan club?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure?” He replied unsurely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon laughed. “You don’t sound certain Gerard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if I’m certain. You guys are nuts.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on Daddy! Don’t you love Uncle Bren?” Bandit asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled. “Mrs Brendon Urie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “Okay Bee, Sure. I’m in the fan club.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yay!” She laughed. “We’re all in the club!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard just shook his head and chuckled. “What are you guys doing today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve got to go to the new place, check how the construction is going. Other than that, we’ll probably be going to see Kaitlyn.” Brendon shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got to work.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon gave me a sympathetic look. “What are you guys doing?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard shrugged. “Yet to be decided. What do you want to do Bee?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanna play with Uncle Brendon!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about we all go to the new house so Aunty Sarah can get some work done?” Brendon suggested, looking at Gerard and Bandit. “Maybe after we can go get some ice cream or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bandit’s smile grew. “Can we do that Daddy!? Can we go with Uncle Brendon!?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure Bee. Sounds fun.” Gerard nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After I finished my breakfast, I walked into the bedroom and opened up my computer. My inbox was overflowing with new work, and I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon came in to get dressed and seemed to hear me. “How’s it going Sarah? Do you have a lot to do?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. A lot to do. I doubt I’ll get it finished.” I sighed. “I hate my job, Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you considered changing jobs? It might be easier on you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nobody is hiring, Bren. And the pay is good, but I hate this stupid work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to find you a new job Sarah. I don’t want you being unhappy, or overworking yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be fine Brendon. You have fun today. I’ll see you soon.” I told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t think I’m going to drop this. I’m coming back to this conversation tonight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “That’s fine. Bye Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gave me a kiss on my forehead. “Bye Sarah. Try to have a good day for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled weakly. “I’ll try. See you soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He left the room and I tried to resume my working. I was getting frustrated, but I tried to push through and finish.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey came into the room. “Hey girly. How’s the work going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Slowly.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want a coffee break?” She suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I need to get this done.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on Sarah, some caffeine will help.” She said, pushing the lid of my laptop closed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I huffed before trailing behind Lindsey out of the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We got to the kitchen and I saw Lindsey had already made the coffee. There was a small assortment of chocolate cookies on a plate. She smiled. “Come sit down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I slumped into the chair and took a small sip of the coffee. “Work sucks.” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” Lindsey nodded. “Are you powering through it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really. I’ll finish completing the stuff in one email and when I go to open the next one, five more come in.” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you talked to your boss? You’ve got so much going on right now…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ned is a heartless bastard.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you just need a new job. How much are you earning anyway?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“$746 a week, which is about average.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I honestly don’t know how to help you. If he really is that bad then maybe you should leave, but I suppose there isn’t many jobs going around lately, is there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really, no.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Introduce him to Kaitlyn.” Lindsey blurted out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What good what that do? Know him, he’d probably rip her to shreds then just leave. She wouldn’t be able to take it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it would make him realise that you can’t work while you’ve got this going on. She’s not in a very good state, Sarah, and you really should be with her. Ned needs to see how much she needs you for himself, and from there, he should understand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Potentially. I don’t know. I should just stop complaining and get it done.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just be at the hospital, call him and tell him that you need him to look at something, and then he’ll see with his own eyes what’s going on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to come with me then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey smiled. “I’d be delighted. But let’s finish these coffee’s first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I picked my cup up and resumed my drinking. “I needed this coffee way more than I realised. It’s so good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey grinned. “I thought you’d appreciate it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How have you been Lindsey?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been good. Not much happening over in my life.” She shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good, I suppose. Better than utter chaos.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded silently. “So I’ve been thinking about Christmas plans.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What have you been considering?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, when is the house due to be completed?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They originally said January but it might be before depending on staffing and such.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s the first of December today, so I’m thinking we can plan a christmas together and such. We need to put the decorations up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds delightful. I didn’t realise it was December already. Wow…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, time flies.” She chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hadn’t even started considering Christmas. Good to see you’re onto it.” I giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Speaking of that, what should I get Kaitlyn? I got Brendon and you and the puppies sorted, but Kaitlyn has me stumped.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I contemplated that thought. “I honestly don’t know. She really doesn’t say much about what she likes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does she need anything?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I honestly don’t know. She’s a hard one to buy for.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keep me updated if you have any more ideas.” Lindsey said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Certainly will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I drank the last of the coffee and took the cups to the sink. “Ready to go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep. Let’s go.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just let me grab my laptop and we can go.” I smiled, walking towards the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-------------------------------------------------------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was sat with my laptop on my legs and my phone in hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on Sarah. It’ll be worth it, I promise.”  Lindsey encouraged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who are you calling?” Kaitlyn asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My boss.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is he being a meanie again?” She asked, worry creeping into her expression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s been a meanie since I started bub, but yes. He is being terribly inconsiderate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So why are you calling him?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need to talk to him and possibly get him to come here to help me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Oh okay.” She nodded. “Can I take the oxygen tubes out now? They itch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The doctors said you need them, Kaitlyn.” I sighed. “Leave them where they are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t there something else, besides them. They feel horrible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know bub, but that’s the best they can do without giving you an entire mask.” I apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t want to ever come back here after I left.” She moped. “It’s horrible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey nodded in understanding. “At least you should be out of here soon. That’ll be nice, right? And Christmas is coming up too!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess so….” She sulked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to call him Sarah?” Lindsey asked, gesturing to my phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I’ll just go out here.” I explained, pointing toward the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nervously pushed the call button and held the phone to my ear. Lindsey stood at the door, giving me a comforting look as the ringtone played through the call until he picked up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want Sarah?” He snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I needed some help.” I stammered, terrified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What with?” He questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“J-just some of the work, I-I’m not sure what you w-wanted with it…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what do you want me to do?!” He snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know!” I panicked. “I-I was h-hoping you c-could come and sh-show me what you wanted…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why can’t you come to me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m um...I-I’m in the h-hospital…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?! What the hell happened now!?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-My daughter i-is s-sick. Y-You know that.” I told him nervously. “C-Can you c-come?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your daughter is sick, you aren’t. Why can’t you come here?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t l-leave her. S-She n-needs to b-be under c-constant s-supervision.” I sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m coming. You better make it quick.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Thanks Ned. I-I appreciate i-it. I-I’ll text you t-the room number.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He huffed some sort of response before hanging up the phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked back into the room nervously. “Ned’s on his way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good, I suppose. Why do you look scared Sarah?” Lindsey asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just a little nervous about everybody meeting him…” I gulped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure it’ll be fine.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is he scary?” Kaitlyn asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Depends.” I answered. “He can be.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn gulped nervously. “I-Is he g-going to h-hurt us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Probably not. Definitely not you or Lindsey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She buried herself in the blankets. “I-I’m s-scared M-Mom!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. He won’t do anything to you, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’ll be here to protect you.” Lindsey assured her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-He’s going to be m-mean to me though. Y-you can’t stop that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If he’s mean I’ll go deal with him outside.” I said firmly. “Don’t worry. I won’t let anything bad happen to you bub.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay, but wh-what if he’s mean to you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon will kick his butt.” I chuckled, thinking back to Brendon’s comments.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After more comforting, Ned eventually walked in. “What’d you want?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I forced a smile. “Ned! Thank you so much for coming out. Meet Kaitlyn, Kaitlyn meet Ned.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ned turned to the bed and grimaced. “Hi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She curled up. “H-hi…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what’d you need Sarah? I’m here now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My computer is just starting.” I said. “I’ll show you in a moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah do y-you have m-my i-inhaler?” Kaitlyn gulped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and pulled it out of my bag. I walked over to her and gave her a puff. After I’d let it work, I put it back in my bag. “Is that better bub?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gulped. “C-Can I h-have more o-of the m-medication? T-The v-voices are b-back…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Voices?” Ned echoed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just- I’ll explain in a sec.” I vowed as I dug through my bag. I handed Kaitlyn the pills and Lindsey gave her a water bottle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah c-can you h-help? M-My h-hands are s-shaking!” She panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I helped her put the pills in her mouth and held the water bottle up to her mouth. She took a sip and swallowed the medication. Ned was gawking at us the entire time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Thanks…” Kaitlyn mumbled as I put the lid back on the water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem bub.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, er, can we speak outside for a moment?” Ned asked awkwardly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked at Lindsey, who nodded and took Kaitlyn’s hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only for a moment.” I said, stepping outside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ned followed me and closed the door. “What’s wrong with her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, there’s nothing </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrong </span>
  </em>
  <span>with-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what I mean, Sarah.” He snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Schizophrenic.” I sighed. “And depressed. Plus suicide attempt, damaged lungs, brain damage, colorblindness, shall I go on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus.” He muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I’m sorry I couldn’t come to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look.” He sighed. “Take the time off. Until she goes back to school, alright? Then it’s all speed ahead. I’ll get someone else to do the work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?” I asked, not believing him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure.” He grumbled. “I’m not happy about it, but that kid needs you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Look, I wish I wasn’t inconveniencing you so much. But seriously, thank you. I promise as soon as I get back I’ll work as hard as I can.” I vowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.” He mumbled. “See you after Christmas Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And with that, he shoved his hands in his pockets and walked back down the hallway towards the exit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked back into Kaitlyn’s room feeling relieved. “It’s sorted.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’d it go?” Lindsey asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m completely off work until the school term starts.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn let out a strange grunt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up bub?” I asked, my attention directed at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She let out another grunt, gripping her head in her hands and curling up in a ball.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, Kaitlyn! What’s wrong? Talk to me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grunted again, tears starting to flow out of her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bent down into her line of sight. “Kaitlyn? Kaitlyn can you say something for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-” She stammered, desperately trying to string a sentence together. In the end she just gave up and grunted again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lindsey, go get a doctor.” I said, not taking my eyes off of Kaitlyn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-” She tried again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take it slowly bub. Tell me what you’re trying to say.” I said, trying to hide my desperate worry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged, tears flowing down her face. “I-I-” She tried to muster. “I-I c-c-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Deep breath. That’s it Kaitlyn. Let’s try again, okay? What are you trying to tell me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t kn-kn-” She stuttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What don’t you know?” I asked nervously, gently rubbing circles in her back in a feeble attempt to calm her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-d-don’t kn-know wh-what’s h-h-happening!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just breathe. We’ll figure it out, but you need to focus on your breathing okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grunted again and buried her face in her knees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey rushed in with a doctor. “What’s going on?” The doctor asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-We don’t know! She started grunting and then she curled up and she’s struggling to speak and, and!” I panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I- uh…..” The doctor tried to say. “I’ll be back.” And she rushed out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn grunted again and more tears flowed out of her eyes. Lindsey rushed to the other side of her and assisted me with the comforting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re going to help you Girly. I promise.” She tried to assure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo rushed into the room. “What’s going on?” She rushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know!” I rushed. “H-Help her! P-Please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn grunted once again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to ask you some yes or no questions, okay?” Indigo stated. Kaitlyn shook her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you hearing voices?” At first Kaitlyn shrugged, but then she gave a slight nod.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there anything else you can try to communicate to me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-m-make it stop!” She begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I sedate you Kaitlyn? It’ll put you to sleep and you’ll stop hearing them for awhile.” Indigo explained. “That way, when you wake up, I can help you straight away and you won’t be sitting her suffering while I’m getting organised.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn considered for a moment before giving a hesitant nod. Tears were still flowing heavily and Indigo injected the sedative. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just relax Kaitlyn. It should all be over soon.” Indigo instructed. Kaitlyn laid down and grabbed onto my hand in her last moments of consciousness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wanted to cry as she slumped asleep, now that the sedative had taken effect. Indigo sighed and gently pulled the needle out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going to happen now?” Lindsey asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo shrugged. “I’ll talk to pharmaceuticals, talk to other psychologists and attempt to work out some kind of treatment plan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “Is she going to be okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can only hope so. I’ve only ever really seen anything like that once.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-What I can d-do to help her?” I asked desperately. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I honestly don’t know Sarah.” Indigo admitted. “Watch her carefully when she wakes up. The last kid that had this sort of thing happen, he, well he killed himself in front of me because he lost control.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-What?!” I screamed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what that was. She was beginning to lose control.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-How do w-we help her b-before she w-wakes up?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure. I’m going to see if I can get some strong liquid antipsychotics to cycle through and start working on getting her more control. You guys just need to make sure she’s here when she wakes up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “H-how long is s-she going to be o-out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Minimum an hour. We may have to extend that however, so the maximum is probably a day and a half. Just depends what happens.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can you h-hurry?” I asked. “Helping h-her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can finish my part up quickly, but the others are what extends it. Like, if tests show her brain is still flipping out etcetera. I shall be back however, hopefully with medication” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Lindsey grimaced, uncomfortable with the situation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo left the room and Lindsey and I were stewing in silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to call Brendon?” She asked eventually. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I’m going to put it on speaker though. I-I might need your help.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course girly. I'm here.” She said, putting a hand on my shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nervously rang Brendon and he picked up immediately. “What’s up Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can you g-get to t-the h-hospital?” I asked, a tear streaming down my cheek. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” He asked, slightly panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I handed the phone to Lindsey to explain while I tried to prevent the forthcoming flood of tears.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve had some Kaitlyn trouble and Sarah really needs you here.” Lindsey explained quickly. “We can go into more detail once you’re here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should I bring Bandit and Gee?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, depends. If you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re on our way.” Brendon said, hanging up the phone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey turned to me and wrapped me in a hug. “Oh Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just want to kn-know she’s okay…” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I know.” Lindsey soothed. “Do you want to go get a drink?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “O-okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took my hand and led me downstairs to the cafe. I was still crying, although I was desperately trying to control it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want Sarah?” Lindsey asked, sitting me down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“J-Just water.” I sniffled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I’ll be right back.” She vowed as she walked up to the counter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled and pulled my phone out, going to the photos app. I was immediately met with smiling, happy photos of Brendon and Kaitlyn. I thought it would help, but it only made me feel worse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey placed my water on the table. “How are you now? Any better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I-I can't b-believe this is h-happening.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t either. It’s all a bit much to take in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I n-need B-Brendon…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, he should be here soon.” And with that Brendon spotted us through one of the cafe windows and raced in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, what’s going on?!” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“K-Kaitlyn h-had a breakdown and i-is s-sedated…” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is she okay?!” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-we don’t know!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about we go see her?” Gerard suggested. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay?” I stammered, getting up from the seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bandit, Sweetie, you can wait here with me.” Lindsey said nervously, taking her daughter's hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I led Gerard and Brendon upstairs and nervously opened the door. Indigo was busy fiddling the medication. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The only way to do this is a drip.” She sighed, glancing over to me. “Will that be okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It's okay.” Brendon assured. “Can you explain what's going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Kaitlyn appears to of have a serious psychotic episode which led to her being unable to speak. This is because she had lost control of her body and had difficulty executing simple tasks. She’s sedated because the treatment for this is quite time consuming and can lead to extensive suffering. Luckily enough it can be done while she’s under, so that’s what I’ve done.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon gulped. “Oh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did that clear it up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah…” He mumbled. “Although I'm not sure if I wanted to know now that I do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well my apologies Brendon.” Indigo stated, inserting the IV in her arm to administer the antipsychotics.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wrapped myself in Brendon’s arms as tears started pouring down my cheeks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She might be out for longer than anticipated.” Indigo mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is she going to be okay?” Brendon asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully. If she wakes up in control she should be fine, if she doesn’t however, well that’s a different story.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do we do?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All you really can do is wait. If there’s suggested treatment, sign for it I guess. On that note actually….” Indigo trailed off as she searched through a collection of papers before handing us one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doctors want to get it done while she’s under to prevent dangers when she wakes up.” Indigo explained. I glanced over the paper. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“ECT?” I asked. “Do you think it’ll help?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do.” She nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you all good with this Bren?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gulped. “I suppose…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo handed us a pen and I signed the sheet before handing it to Brendon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nervously scrawled his name and handed it back. “Just, don't hurt her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll do our best. Anything involving the brain can be risky.” Indigo explained. “But see Brendon, you’re fine. It should blow over without a worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded uncertainly. “O-Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there anything else you want to talk about particularly?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-not really.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m going to take this to the specialist so they can get everything ready. Farwell.” Indigo stated before exiting the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked over to Kaitlyn and gently stroked her forehead. “Brendon, this is so hard on her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I just wish there was more we could do.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did she do to deserve this?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I honestly don’t know. It’s horrible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don't k-know how m-much longer w-we can d-do this.” I sniffled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t give up Sarah. We have to work through it. We’ll make it through.” He assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I j-just…” I stammered, collapsing in the chair. “I d-don't know h-how much of th-this we can t-take.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t either. I’m just trying to hold on as long as I can.” He admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Bren, what a-are we g-going to d-do?!” I cried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know Sarah.” He whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I d-don't think I c-can do this a-anymore.” I whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, she's our daughter. She needs us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adopted d-daughter…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t mean we can abandon her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s n-not our b-biological child…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, please stop talking like that.” Brendon begged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but it’s true Bren...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what? You just want to hand her back to child services?” He asked accusingly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry…” I whimpered, distancing myself from Brendon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you thinking?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m thinking about a lot of things…” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m consciously trying to stop myself from breaking down, and I’m thinking about what’s going to Kaitlyn and how I’m going to have to deal with that and I’m thinking that you’re going to get really mad at me…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon sighed. “I know it sucks, but we have to deal with it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know if I can Brendon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you love her?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course I do Bren, but I-it’s hard…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you love her like I do, we can work through it.” He entwined his hand in mine. “Together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just need a break.” I sighed. “From everything. You, Kaitlyn, moving, the school issues.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to book you a night away?” Brendon asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know Bren.” I mumbled. “We don’t need to spend more money.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to do then?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I might need to go back to Dr Jo’s colleague. Joy.” I muttered. “Just so I can get it all out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He planted a kiss on my forehead. “I’ll make you an appointment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Bren.” Indigo returned with a doctor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hate to interrupt you, but we are going to move Kaitlyn so we can start the ECT.” Indigo stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They kicked out the ‘brakes’ on the bed and wheeled her out of the room. Once she was moved, Indigo directed us to a waiting room of sorts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long will we be here?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully not too long. I’ll say, and hour for it to be done, then maybe another half hour so we can watch her. So one and a half hours. You can leave, go somewhere else if you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon nodded. “We’ll think about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going back to the psychiatric ward. If you need me, that’s where I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” I said, forcing a smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She left down the corridor and left us to ourselves.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0054"><h2>54. Chapter 53 - Je T'aime ver litte</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>*****Kaitlyn’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>My eyes flickered open. My head was throbbing and the voices seemed to be whispering. “W-what’s g-going o-o-on?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah was standing above me, gently stroking my head. “Hey Bub. Welcome back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to say something but the only noise my mouth seemed to make was another grunt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey little worm.” I heard Brendon say as he appeared on the other side of me. “How are you feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grunted again. Sarah’s facial expression drooped and she disappeared from view. “Brendon, I’m going to get a doctor, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, sure. I’ll be here.” He replied, sitting down beside me and moving the bed into a sitting up position.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you feel sick? Do you want some water or something?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded unsurely, trying to ignore the voices in my head. They seemed to be disoriented, and confused. It was making me feel a little weird.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here little worm. Drink up.” Brendon said, putting a straw in my mouth. I nervously took a sip and enjoyed the cool water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once I’d drunk all the water in the cup he pulled it away from me and put it down on the table. “Is everything okay little worm? You seem awfully quiet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tucked my knees up to my chest and let out another grunt. Brendon gave me a worried look and gently rubbed circles in my back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want a sick bag or something?” He offered. “More water? Something to eat?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head and buried my face in my knees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah returned to the room with a doctor. “How’s it going?” She asked Brendon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head and turned to the doctor. “Can you help her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” The doctor questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-She had ECT.” Sarah gulped. “A-and now s-she’s awake but s-she’s a-acting weird.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s not talking, only grunting.” Brendon explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grunted in response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, bub, can you say something for us?” Sarah asked, sitting down across from me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grunted again, not looking at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be back.” The doctor flustered, leaving the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon took my hand. “Little worm, can you see if you can say something?” He asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped and grunted once again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are the voices back?” Sarah asked worriedly, glancing at the IV bag that was going into my arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to nod, but my neck seemingly didn’t move.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn?” She asked again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I desperately tried to nod, to show her that I understood, but my body was seemingly ignoring the orders I was giving it. I grunted, the only thing I </span>
  <em>
    <span>could </span>
  </em>
  <span>do to try and communicate, but that didn’t seem to make any sense to Sarah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to find Indigo.” Brendon said, standing up from his seat. “I’ll be back soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “Hurry, Bren. Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded and rushed out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grunted again, trying to call him back, but he was too far gone to hear me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah took my hand and moved my face so I was looking at her. “Bub, can you hear me? Are you understanding what I’m saying?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I launched myself into her arms and wrapped her in a hug, while tears started flowing down my cheeks. Although she was a little startled by my movement, she didn’t reject it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh…” She soothed gently, lightly patting my back. “Shh. It’ll be okay Kaitlyn. It’ll be okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon walked back in, Indigo in tow. He walked over to Sarah and I’s hug and joined in, quietly soothing my tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do we do Indigo?” Sarah asked tearfully. “What do we do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I, I d-don’t, I’ll be back.” She stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please! There’s got to be something!” Brendon pleaded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go get my textbook. I’ll be back.” She said, running out of the room at top speed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is she speaking yet?” Brendon asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah shook her head, continuing to rub circles in my back. “Just grunting. Not even a head shake or a nod or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry you have to go through this little worm.” Brendon whispered, pulling me into his arms. “I really wish I could help you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The doctors don’t even know what’s going on Bren.” Sarah whispered nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I let out a loud wail as a reaction to that news.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She can hear us Sarah. Just because she’s not communicating doesn’t mean she’s not listening.” He told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s scared Bren.” Sarah whispered. “She’s really scared.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah,” Brendon responded. “So am I.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grunted again, and Sarah joined the hug. “Just focus on us bub. As long as you focus on us, and not whatever’s going on in your head, you’ll be alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you know,” Brendon started. “We took Bandit to the new house today. She really likes it. Gerard was there too, we started preparing the studio, and it’s all ready for when we move in. We can make lots of music in there little worm. And the acoustics are amazing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled and buried myself further in his arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckled. “Yeah. And the kitchen is going in now, it’s coming along fantastic. We’ve picked these drawers that don’t slam, so they’re very quiet. So you can slam them as much as you want, and they don’t make any noise. It’s very cool.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo returned with an IV bag. “I’ve been given special permission to give her this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is that?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed as she hung it on the stand. “This, this is a bag of the strongest antipsychotics they have in the entire hospital. It’s only used for adults under very extreme caution, and it’s probably going to knock her out for a few hours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it dangerous?” Brendon asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are some side effects, yes, but in this case, I think it’s a risk we’re going to have to take.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grunted in alarm and tried to shuffle away from the IV.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, Kiddo, can you hold your arm out for me?” Indigo asked, holding the needle in her hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grunted and curled up into a ball, making sure my arms were tucked inside my legs where they couldn’t be reached.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, Brendon, can you help me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon tried to dig my arm out and I let out an ear-piercing scream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please little worm. Please. We’re trying to help you.” Brendon begged, trying to restrain me as best he could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah grabbed my arm while Brendon held me in a tight hug so I couldn’t move any more. “I know it’s scary little worm, but I need you to be really brave for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grunted and tried to shimmy out of his grip, although he was stronger and held me still. I grunted as I felt them pierce my skin with the needle and tape it into place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry bub, I really am.” Sarah apologised as she joined the hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grunted and snuggled into them as I felt everything around me start to spin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon she’s gone pale.” Sarah said, glancing at my face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He went to grab a sick bag, but it was too late, and I threw up all over Sarah’s shirt. She seemingly didn’t mind though, and continued quietly soothing me as the dizziness became worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What were the side effects?” Brendon asked Indigo as he returned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dizziness for one, which you’re seeing, um, temporary hearing loss, nausea, vomiting, possible depression, blurred vision, and there’s a couple more that I don’t know off the top of my head.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grunted in alarm and tried to reach over to pull the needle out of my arm, although I was lacking the energy to pull it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, leave it bub.” Sarah said, pulling my hand away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I whimpered lightly and shook my arm as best as I could to send the message, though the movement was minimal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We need to keep it in little worm. Please, just try to ignore it.” Brendon pleaded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shed a few light tears, and tried to muster a response, yet still nothing more than an almost inaudible grunt came out. The tears deepened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, j-just try to hold on for m-me little worm. P-please.” He begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I watched Sarah respond to Brendon’s comment, but everything was muffled and I couldn’t hear. I tried desperately to say something, to draw their attention to it but all that came out was a grunt. I whimpered in frustration and grabbed the pillow. I tried to bring it into my lap to cry into, but I wasn’t able to hold on and it fell to the floor. I looked up at Sarah, terrified, frustrated and baffled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m so sorry bub.” She seemingly mouthed, no noise coming out in return. She picked up the pillow and tried to give it to me but I wasn’t able to take it from her grasp.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She seemed to be saying something else, then everyone turned to me. I had no clue what was said, so I cried. She then seemed to change the what she was saying, making me more confused. I watched her lips closely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Can you hear us?’ She seemed to be saying. I tried to shake my head, but I couldn’t even do that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled me into a hug, quietly murmuring comforting things that I couldn't quite separate into words. I felt myself becoming quite drowsy and I began drifting off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laid me down, still holding my hand as I faded back to sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Sarah’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-what if this doesn’t work Indigo?  What happens then?” I stammered nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “I don’t know Sarah. There’s not a lot more I can do if this doesn’t work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who do we go to then? There’s got to be something, somewhere!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know Sarah. We’ll come to that when the issue arises, if the issue rises.” Indigo answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded nervously. “How much longer does she have to suffer?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully not too much longer. If the antipsychotics work like they should, she should wake up feeling a lot better. She mightn’t be completely back to normal but it should help significantly.” Indigo explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You said that about the ECT.” Brendon muttered. “That didn’t seem to help at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo huffed. “Would you rather I didn’t try at all?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, I’m just...It’s killing me to see her like this.” He apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it’s hard.” Indigo murmured. “But we just have to try and do as much as we can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long do you think she’ll be out?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Probably a good while. This stuff is a bit of a hit, for anyone.” She admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think she’ll still have the side effects when she wakes up? They seemed to freak her out.” Brendon asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully not.” Indigo answered. “We’ll take her off it as soon as we can, it just depends when she’s ready.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long you do you think she’ll be in the hospital?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god, um…...a week at least probably.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s not going to like that.” Brendon sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo shifted uncomfortably. “I suppose this is a good time to tell you that the board thinks she should be institutionalised.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh….I can’t believe it’s that bad…” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, she’s been crying and having meltdowns for almost a month, plus she’s regressed to the point where she’s not even talking anymore.” Brendon said nervously. “It’s that bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, it's just, it’s just hard to think about.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fighting hard though, and as long as nothing else like this happens before Christmas, she should be free from an institution for the time being.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there anything we can do to prevent it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “Not really. The only thing I can recommend is to protect her from any news that might set her off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know what might set her off?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what sort of things set her off. The things that make her feel guilty, for one. Just do your best. It’s impossible to protect her from everything, but you’ve got to try.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “I feel like I’m going to mess up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, you’re doing the best you can, and that’s all we can ask from you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked up at Brendon. “Can we go home?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, Sarah.” He nodded. “Way house or currently being renovated Urie house?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know. E-either.” I whimpered, feeling defeated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He put his hand in mine. “Alright. Do you want to go now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “P-please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We said goodbye to Indigo and walked out to the carpark. As soon as we reached the car I broke down in tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-what if she’s n-not okay?!” I panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon pulled me into a hug. “Then we won’t stop until she is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I c-can’t do this anymore Brendon….” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes you can. We can. Together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just k-keep having t-these thoughts o-of just d-driving a-away and never coming back.” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have to keep fighting Sarah. It’s all we can do.” He stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t Brendon. I-It’d be so m-much easier to just drop it all and l-leave…..I c-can’t handle it anymore!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon planted a kiss on my forehead. “I’ll make you another appointment with that psychologist you spoke to last time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry.” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He brushed some of my hair off my face. “You don’t have to be sorry. I just need to make sure you’re okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-how can you h-handle this at all B-Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “I don’t know, Sarah. But I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I f-feel like I’m overreacting….” I murmured. “Am I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, you’re not overreacting. I know this is scary.” He assured me. “How about we go home now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat in the driver’s seat and drove us back to the Way household. Lindsey wrapped me in a hug as soon as I walked in the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is she okay Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-not yet.” I cried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn’s condition is...not the best.” Brendon explained nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry guys.” She murmured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I just cried some more, not knowing what to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aunty Sarah, why are you crying?” Bandit asked, tugging on my shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“J-just some stuff Bee. Don’t worry.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uncle Bren do you wanna come play?” She asked, turning her attention to Brendon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not right now Bandit.” He answered, still concerned with me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But Uncle Bren!” She contested. “I set the dollhouse up and everything!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uncle Bren and Aunty Sarah have some stuff to work out right now Bee. How about I come play?” Gerard asked, lifting Bandit up onto his arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” She huffed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled away from Lindsey’s hug. “S-sorry about that. I’m j-just everywhere r-right now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. It’s okay girly. Just take some Brendon and Sarah time. I’m here if you want to talk.” She assured me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m going to the bedroom…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want some lunch first?” She asked. “A drink?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I-I’ll b-be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take care of her Linds.” Brendon said, putting his arm around me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked into the room with Brendon in tow. I couldn’t bring myself to talk. All I could do was curl up on the bed and cry. Brendon gently stroked my hair while he began to sing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>When the world gets too heavy, put it on my back. I’ll be your levy. You are tearing me apart like bad glue on a get well card. It was always you, falling for me. Now there’s always time, calling for me. I’m the light, blinking at the end of the road, blink back to let me know.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled and wormed my way under the sheets, hugging a pillow as I continued sobbing. Brendon remained by my side however and made sure I was okay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you feeling any better?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know. I-I j-just feel numb…” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to make you an appointment with that psychologist, okay? I’ll be right back.” He said, pressing a kiss to my forehead before walking out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stared mindlessly at the wall, a million thoughts racing through my head. I stop trying to distinguish between them and just hummed a small tune to get my mind off of everything for awhile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah! That tune!” I heard Brendon say from behind me. “Keep humming!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I kept humming awkwardly as he fumbled for a music sheet and began drawing notes on the staff.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stopped after I became unsure of where it was going. I looked over to Brendon and he smiled. “Wh-why did y-you write it down? I-It wasn’t anything great Bren…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grinned. “It’s musical genius, that’s what it is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-there’s no w-way that’s musical g-genius Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s totally music genius Sarah. I’ve got big plans for this little tune.” He grinned, looking over the piece of paper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay. H-how’d the call go?” I asked hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’ve got a slot in half an hour.” He explained. “We get about 15 more minutes before we have to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay. That’s g-good, I suppose.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged lightly. “I d-don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, talk to me. What are you thinking about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About worst case scenarios I suppose. I keep getting fixated on the idea of everything going wrong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what would be the worst case scenario?” Brendon asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t kn-know. K-Kaitlyn n-not making it…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not making it? Why do you think might cause that?” Brendon questioned, taken aback.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sh-she’s on r-really strong m-medication. A-and all the treatment and s-such. I-I don’t know….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, I promise you, Kaitlyn is not going to die.” Brendon said firmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m s-sorry…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, don’t apologise. Just talk to me. That’s why I’m here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled and snuggled into Brendon. “I’m j-just scared Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-am I being pathetic?” I asked. “I-I feel like I’m f-fussing over nothing s-since you s-seem to be f-fine…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, of all the times </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ve </span>
  </em>
  <span>been pathetic over crap, this is nothing. It’s hurting me as much as it’s hurting you. We should probably get going now…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay then.” I stammered, getting up off the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon led me to the car and drove me to therapy. I sat in silence in the passenger seat, a million thoughts running through my head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we’re here Sarah.” He murmured, getting out of the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I muttered some sort of affirmative response before climbing out of the car and taking Brendon’s hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked in and sat down in the waiting room. Brendon held my hand, seemingly a little more confident that he wasn’t here for himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel bad for making you take me here Bren.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, it’s fine.” He shrugged. “No problems at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I silently traced the patterns of the carpet in my mind to distract myself before I had to go in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah?” The psychologist smiled from the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got up and shuffled towards the door of the office, unsure as to how I was supposed to be feeling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um...hi?” I stated nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Sarah. Take a seat.” She said, giving me a smile and gathering a notebook to take notes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hesitantly sat down and stared at a painting on the wall to distract from the silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, your husband made the appointment because he said you were struggling with some drama with your daughter, correct?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I suppose so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you tell me what in particular is causing the struggle?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I was stressed and scared and panicked because nothing seems to be working and she doesn’t seem to be getting any better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What has she been diagnosed with?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My god, what HASN’T she been diagnosed with? We’ve got schizophrenia, depression, PTSD, Brain damage, lung damage, colorblindness….” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see how you can be quite concerned then. Those are quite significant issues. How are you feeling in this moment?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honestly? I want to drive off into the sunset and never come back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Has your husband been trying to help you through this? Prior, to the call, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Brendon is beautiful. He’s trying his hardest, but it’s not enough. I don’t know if anything will be enough anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well why do you feel like nothing will be enough?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because it’s too hard! It’s sucking everything out of me!” I exclaimed. “Don’t get me wrong, I love the kid, but considering that 3 months ago I didn’t even know she existed, it’s just hard putting all my energy and time into this and I’m not getting anything out of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adopted?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep.” I muttered. “Brendon’s friend’s kid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is very hard to go through something like this and be there considering she isn’t explicitly your child, but it’ll be a lot harder for her if she’s alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just feel like she doesn’t appreciate what we’ve done.” I sighed. “She’s so goddamn needy!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thinking like that probably isn’t going help. Yes, she needs a lot right now, but hopefully that means she won't need as much in the future.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe.” I mumbled. “But she’s got so much going on, it’s not just going to go away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s not going to just go away, but it should heal to an extent to where she can try to lead a normal life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Try </span>
  </em>
  <span>being the key word.” I muttered. “She’s not normal, she’s not going to get a normal life. She’s Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The psychologist sighed. “Sarah, We’ve got a lot of work to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned, leaning back into the chair. It was going to be a looooong session.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I checked through all the apps on my phone for the fifth time as I sat and waited.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My phone beeped with another text from Gerard.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Gerard</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Ugh. Bee is now the president of your fan club.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled before sending a response.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Brendon:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> How’s that going for you?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Gerard</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: When’s uncle Bren getting home Daddy? I want to play with Uncle Bren!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Brendon:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> Sound like you aren’t a good playmate. hehe.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Gerard</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: We were drawing for a while, she liked that, but got bored of it. Now she’s trying to play dolls, but apparently I’m not very good at it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Brendon:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> I’m not sure how to help you there Gee</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Gerard</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Why does she like you so much? What do you do that I don’t?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Brendon:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> I don’t know Gee. Maybe it’s because she’s still getting used to me being around, so since I’m sort of new around, I’m more fun</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Gerard</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: We’re headed your way for ice cream. Meet you at the parlour?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Brendon:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> Sure. I’ll see you there.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Gerard</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Somebody is very excited to see Uncle Bren.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Brendon:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> It’s totally you Gerard isn't it?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Gerard</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: You caught me...</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Brendon:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> I always knew.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Gerard</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: See you soon Bren.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I put my phone and started walking to the parlour. As I walked in, memories of being here with Dr Jo re-entered my mind. Thankfully, Gee and Bandit arrived soon after as a good distraction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uncle Bren!” Bandit giggled, running over to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Bee! How are you?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good now that I’m with you!” She grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “That’s great to hear. How about you Gee? Are you delighted by my company?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He snorted. “Definitely.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Knew it.” I sneered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we get ice cream now Daddy?” Bandit asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay Beezle. What flavour do you want?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Strawberry. What are you getting Uncle Bren?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I contemplated for a moment. “Maybe rainbow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want rainbow too!” She grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard sighed. “Are you sure?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yup!” She giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He walked up to the counter and ordered the ice cream. He handed Bandit hers and me mine before we sat down at a table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s Kaitlyn?” Bandit asked eventually.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh….Kaitlyn’s just on a little trip away for awhile. She’ll be back before you know it.” I answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where is her trip?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just, somewhere. Do you want to play with daddy’s phone Bee?” Gerard asked, trying to draw away from the conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “Can we go visit her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not right now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just because Bandit!” I snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry Uncle Bren…” She sniffled, cowering away from me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I got mad.” I murmured. “I’ve just been a bit stressed lately.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we go play on the playground when we’ve finished the ice cream?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yay!” She giggled, taking another lick of the ice cream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s Sarah?” Gerard asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I glanced at the time. “I should probably get back to her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But the playground!” Bandit stomped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take you to the playground Bee.” Gerard assured her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I want Uncle Brendon to take me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be back soon Bee. I promise.” I said, ruffling her hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Meanie.” She pouted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bandit! Apologise!” Gerard exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! He’s a meanie!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No playground for you then. Come on, we’re going home.” Gerard said crossly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” She argued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave Gerard an apologetic look as I slipped out of the parlour and back towards the practice to get Sarah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once I was there, Sarah stared up at me blankly. “Oh, hi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Sarah. Feeling any better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not particularly.” She answered stalely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’s that?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I just sort of feel empty.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about we go fill you with food then?” I suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you want.” She stated. “Do whatever you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “How about some tacos?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I thought she would never refuse her favourite food. I was wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh…..” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just- don’t worry.” She mumbled</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took her hand in mine. “Come on. Let’s go get tacos.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I led her to the car and drove her to the mexican restaurant, where we got a table. She still seemed down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if I feel like tacos…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can go somewhere else…” I suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, it’s fine. You get what you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m trying to give you what you want, so you tell me, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t worry about me Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh I’m worried all right. Now, what do you want?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you worried about me?” She breathed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you’re not yourself and you’re struggling with a lot of things at the moment and that worries me because I’m your husband and I care about you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am myself. I’m fine.” She muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you’re not.” I said, putting my hand on her shoulder. “Look me in the eyes and tell me that there is nothing bothering you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then she did exactly what I said. “There is nothing bothering me Brendon. I am myself. I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Not even Kaitlyn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you talk about in that session?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About what’s bothering me, how I’m beyond help and how it’s going to take a long time to get back to </span>
  <em>
    <span>normal.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what’s bothering you?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything Brendon!” She snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” I cowered away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She jumped up and stormed out of the restaurant, despite my pleas for her to return.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I followed her outside and found her in a nearby alleyway, collapsed and crying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Sarah…” I sighed, bending down to her aid. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I c-can’t do this!” She cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes you can.” I said. “I promise, you can do this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I-I c-can’t Brendon. Not anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I-I’ve been holding on s-so long for you to g-get better, and n-now I have to w-wait even longer for h-her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it's hard Sarah, but we can't give up. We've got to carry on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t Brendon. Not anymore.” She said, standing up and walking away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are you going?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Away.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed her arm and pulled her around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah! For the love of God! She is our daughter! And we owe it to her to be there for her! You think this is hard?! Think about how she feels! We're all she's got Sarah! She doesn't have anybody else! She needs us!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you can find someone else to be there for you Brendon and for her, because I’m not doing it anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, she's our kid. Don't you love her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not as much as I thought I loved you.” She stated, pulling away and she walked down the alleyway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah!” I called, starting to chase after her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, find someone else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You promised you'd never leave me!” I called as a final desperate attempt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then I’m sorry for breaking my promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears started flowing down my face. “A-Are you breaking u-up with m-me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t respond and turned into the next street.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah I-I!” I stammered. “I-I need you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to chase after her, but she had gotten too far.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0055"><h2>55. Chapter 54 - Falling Apart (To Halftime)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>I pulled out my phone eventually, not knowing what to do and called Gerard. I didn’t know what else to do. My wife had just left me, and I couldn’t bring myself to move from the small spot I had curled up in on the street.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“G-Gerard?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon? Brendon what's wrong?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sh-she’s gone…” I sobbed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Brendon, what's going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah….I-I think she j-just left me...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“WHAT?!” He exclaimed in shock. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm coming Brendon. Hold tight.” He said, hanging up the phone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I curled up against a small shop and just cried as I watched everyone walk past me. Eventually a familiar pair of shoes stopped in front of me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon Urie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked up. “Patrick?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on here?” He asked, sitting down beside me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah just l-left!” I wailed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am so sorry Brendon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I just sniffled a response. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to come back to my place?” He suggested. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“G-Gerard s-said he was coming.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can all go.” He suggested. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay, I suppose.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon enough, Gerard arrived in the scene. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Patrick?” He asked, a little confused. “What are you doing here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just sort of found him here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for waiting, I guess.” Gerard mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t stay here any longer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Patrick took my hand and helped me up. “Let’s go then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All three of us went to Patrick’s house. Once we were there I sat on the couch and stared at the wall, feeling like all of my tears had fallen and I had no more to shed. Both Gerard and Patrick tried to get me to eat, and tried to get me to talk, but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-what did I d-do wrong?” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know Brendon…” Gerard replied, rubbing circles in my back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>My phone started ringing. I went to pick it up off of the table but Gerard beat me to it. He answered the phone and left the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he returned he grabbed his keys off of the table. “Come on Brendon.” He stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-where are we g-going?” I sniffled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m taking you to therapy Brendon.” He answered, taking my hand and helping me up. Patrick followed us out to the car and decided to tag along.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-do I h-have to go?” I inquired. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded and led me to the car, where I started shaking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t g-go. I c-can’t go in the c-car.” I stammered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Patrick looked over to me. “Why not Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I held up my shaking hands. “I-I’m s-sorry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright Brendon, but you have to try.” Gerard said softly. He helped me into the car and the shaking became worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please let me o-o-out!” I begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I can’t let you out, I’m sorry. You can close your eyes if you want. Do you think some music might help?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“L-Let m-me out!” I shrieked, pulling on the door handle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s locked Brendon. You can’t get out. We’ve got to go, okay? It’s too far to walk.” Gerard told me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“LET ME OUT!!” I screamed, banging my fists on the windows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, Brendon, you’ve got to calm down buddy.” Patrick said, putting his hands on my shoulders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Damien I-I’m so s-s-sorry!” I wailed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god. Brendon, Brendon look at me. You’re okay. Just breathe. Where’s the emergency medication?” Gerard asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah!” I wailed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh good lord. Hold on Brendon, I’m so sorry to do this to you, but here we have to go. We need a new prescription, and I need to get you some more medication.” Gerard stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“L-LET ME OUT GEE!” I screamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry Brendon.” He said, putting the car in drive and beginning to drive up the street.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“PLEASE!” I pleaded, banging on the dashboard. “I CAN’T DO THIS!” I slammed my head on the dashboard and stayed there, crying and sending out more begs for help to Gerard and Patrick, though they seemed to be ignored.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, just, please try to calm down. We need to do this.” Gerard stated, his voice soft.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re almost there Brendon, just hold on.” Patrick added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I w-want to g-get out.” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry Brendon.” Gerard said softly. “But I can’t let you out until we get there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled into a carpark and I remained shaking. So much so, I couldn’t open the door. “C-can you h-help me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard pulled the door open and I scrambled out onto the cold bitumen, gasping for air as tears ran down my face. Patrick sighed and tried to pull me up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve got to go inside Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to pick myself up and just fell back down in defeat. “I-I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine.” He mustered. “I’ll go get her. Dr Jo, you said?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “O-okay…” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Patrick disappeared inside the building and Gerard helped me to the shade near the front door. I couldn’t help but notice every single disapproving or horrified glare from every person who walked in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I curled up a little bit more every time one of these glances were given. Patrick walked out soon with Dr Jo trailing behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she saw me she sprinted a little faster and bent down in front of me. “Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I-I don’t th-think so…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh dear. We should probably go talk in my office.” She said. “Do you have your emergency medication?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “S-Sa-” I tried to muster before my tears deepened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good thing I’ve got some spares in my office. Can you come with me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded lightly. “I-I can try?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She led me to her office, leaving Gerard and Patrick outside. She passed me a water bottle and 2 of the white pills, before taking her seat in her chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I quickly took the pills and sat down. I looked down at the floor, not finding the courage to look up at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Well. I suppose the first thing I want to know, is how the hell this happened? What happened Brendon?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-well a l-lot of things th-that happened.” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you tell me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-well S-Sa-Sa-” I tried to stammered, before bursting into tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened with Sarah?” She pushed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sh-she l-l-le-” I tried to say. I curled up on the couch and cried into my knees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I know you’re going through a tough time right now, but I really need you to try and speak to me.” She said. “What happened with Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can we t-talk about s-something else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fair enough. How is Kaitlyn going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-not very g-good.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s been happening with her?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sh-She h-had psychotic e-episode…” I murmured. “Sh-she had to b-be p-put on the strongest m-medication they had and it knocked her out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh dear…” Dr Jo mumbled. “Are they institutionalising her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t k-know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked at her as she prepared to ask another question. “C-can we j-just stop the questions and I-I j-just cry?” I proposed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed. “Brendon, if you think that would help, then I suppose that would be acceptable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know if it’d h-help. I’ve been crying for o-over an hour and I-I still feel h-horrible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want a lollipop?” She asked, opening her top desk drawer and handing me a piece of candy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thank you.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to open it, but my hands were shaking too much. “H-help?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took the candy from me and opened it before she returned it to me. I silently sucked on the lollipop and eventually finished it, feeling a bit calmer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think you can talk now?” Dr Jo asked as she put the stick in the bin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Potentially.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you explain what happened with Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She left.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How? When? Where? What exactly happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was earlier today. I took her out for some food. She got frustrated then stormed off into an alleyway, and when I came to find her, she told me she wasn’t going to put up with me and Kaitlyn anymore and sh-she told m-me to f-find someone else…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Has she been acting strange recently?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sh-she’s seemed a l-lot more stressed and panicked and s-sad, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did she tell you about any plans to leave before hand?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sh-she’s being saying that she c-can’t hold on, she c-can’t d-do this anymore and stuff-like that…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know where she’s gone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I-I tried to follow h-her, so w-we could t-talk b-but she g-got away too f-fast.” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did she take the car?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I…” I paused. “I d-don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Did you friends bring you here?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “P-Patrick f-found me crying and t-took Gerard and I-I to h-his house.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is Patrick the one in the fedora who came in to get me when you were outside?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Yeah, th-that’s him…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, what do you think you’re going to do? Do you have plans on finding Sarah or are you just going to let her go for the time being?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “I-I hadn’t g-gotten t-that far…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo quickly scribbled something down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-and she h-has my emergency m-medication so wh-when I h-had a breakdown in the c-car, no one c-could h-help me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You had a breakdown in the car?” She questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded glumly. “I-I was trying to convince G-Gerard to l-let me stay. I-I was shaking before I g-got in and became t-terrified when he locked the doors.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did the car trigger you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-because everything was g-going wrong and I thought th-that some higher p-power was c-coming to finish me off.” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh dear.” She muttered, going to her computer and typing something up. “You’re lucky to have such wonderful friends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They d-didn’t seem w-wonderful in the c-car…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed. “If they didn’t help you through the attack, you’d still be at home in god knows what state. You’re lucky that they brought you here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I know....” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, back to Kaitlyn. How are you going with all her drama?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ve kind of b-been bottling stuff up, so I c-can help Sarah. Clearly that didn’t work…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What sort of things have you been bottling up?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Fear, anxiety, anger, sadness, disbelief?” I answered unsurely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How bad are her attacks getting?” Dr Jo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bad.” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What sort of bad? What happens? What are the symptoms?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sh-she hasn’t been able to talk, and she loses control of parts of her body at a time, then I think at one point she couldn’t hear us. I’m not sure.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And how have you been reacting to this Brendon?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t answer that.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?” She asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-because. I-Its just….It’s not good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does she know about Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “All I’ve done since that happened is sit in Patrick's lounge room and cried as much as I could.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you think she'll react?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “She’ll probably get mad at me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you think that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I’m mad at me…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you haven't done anything wrong. Sarah's choice to leave was entirely her own.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sh-she said she’d never leave! I did something wrong!” I retaliated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah just has some things she needs to work out for herself. It's not your fault.” She tried to tell me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I d-don’t ever w-want to l-leave this office.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I appreciate the thought Brendon, but I'm afraid that's not a possibility.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-why not? Th-that would k-keep me away from things that trigger m-me…P-Plus, i-it’s n-not t-too bad h-here.” I murmured. “P-Please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are patients who need to come in after you Brendon. I'm sorry, but you'll have to go home or with one of your friends. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please! I-I c-can’t leave! Just l-let me stay!” I cried. “PLEASE!” I begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I n-need you h-here...” I whimpered finally. “P-please…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm sorry Brendon.” Dr Jo said finally. “But no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I curled up and cried, whimpering indistinguishable thoughts to myself, feeling overwhelmed and scared. I thought of millions of things outside of here that could scare me, hurt me, anger me and all I wanted was some peace. “I-I’m sc-scared…” I stammered. “I-I’m scared to l-leave…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you scared to leave Brendon?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Because I f-feel like m-more is going to g-go wrong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why does that scare you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-because…” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because why?” She pushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “I-I just feel l-like I’ve suffered enough already. Is that s-selfish?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Brendon. But there are people outside this room that need you. Plus, there aren’t even any bathroom facilities in here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I kn-know, I just- I’m sick of everything…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo nodded. “I know it’s a lot to go through Brendon, but you have to hold on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I n-never realised h-how much I n-need Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you will survive. I know it’s hard, but I promise you’ll bounce back from this stronger than ever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t w-want to try to live anymore. Th-there’s not much m-more to live for.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you have so much to live for! Kaitlyn! Gerard! Patrick! Opal and Ollie! Even me! Music! There is so much to live for!” Dr Jo exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I-it feels like n-no one actually c-cares. I-I can’t tr-trust them anymore.” I whispered. “I-I d-don’t know if I e-even t-trust you..”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don't you think you can trust anyone?” She asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Because S-Sarah p-promised she’d never leave, and she d-did and n-now I f-feel so h-hurt and I d-don’t want anyone g-getting close to m-me.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have so many people who care about you Brendon. Shutting them out is not going to do anyone any good.” She told me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m just p-protecting m-myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think you’re protecting yourself, but in all honesty, you’re putting yourself in more danger.” She stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m n-not. I-I’ll be fine.” I tried to assure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Brendon, pushing everything out doesn’t just push out the bad, it pushes out the good. It’s like being in purgatory.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-Nothing c-can hurt m-me in p-purgatory…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you are being unreasonable. I know you aren’t in a great state, but you need to try to rationalize.” She explained. “You need to try to work through this and arrive at the end happy, not constantly pushing people out, or having irrational thoughts.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-How?” I accused. “How d-do I w-work through this? I-I don’t know h-how! A-and I d-don’t think y-you do either!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She muttered something under her breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What now?!” I shouted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing Brendon.” She sighed as she flicked through some papers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was something! Tell me!” I demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grabbed another lollipop from her desk drawer and held it out to me. “Here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I DON’T WANT CANDY!” I shouted, shoving her hand away. “TELL ME WHAT YOU SAID!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I know this is a difficult time for you, but I need you to keep a level head. I was simply muttering about the medication and the time it takes to kick in. Please, calm down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“NO!” I yelled, shoving the items on the table onto the floor in a burst of anger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, take a deep breath. If you don’t, I’ll be forced to call an ambulance.” She said calmly, not moving from her position.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please don’t.” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, then you need to calm down. Do you want the candy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yeah…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She handed me the lollipop and I hesitantly took it from her hands. She opened it up for me and I stared at the wall as I sucked on the candy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thank you.” I murmured, throwing the stick in the bin from my seat. I silently sat back down and fiddled with my fingers, preparing to be hassled by questions once again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you feeling calmer now?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think so.” I answered quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded in approval. “Let’s talk the house. How is it coming along?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Good, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think you’ll be moving in soon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe. I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you shown Kaitlyn the new house?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “We took her there awhile ago.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did she react well?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. She seemed to like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And how did that make </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>feel Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-Pretty good I guess…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s wonderful. Do you like it when you feel like that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. How is Gerard going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s better when I’m not around.” I muttered quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure that’s not true Brendon. Should I bring him in to talk about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be back in a moment. Sit tight.” She said, getting up from her seat presumably to go get Gerard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She returned a few moments later with Gerard and Patrick in tow. They sat on either side of me, making the couch feel incredibly squishy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I found myself frustrated at the squishiness and ended up sitting on the floor, looking up at everyone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing Brendon?” Patrick asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I felt too confined on the couch, s-so I moved?” I answered though it seemed more like a question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you prefer it if I went and got another chair?” Dr Jo offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Well, I suppose we should get started. Brendon, tell your friends what you told me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t important…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If your psychologist has brought us into your therapy session, then it’s serious Brendon.” Gerard said softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you just tell them?” I muttered angrily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because, it’s important that you do it.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not doing it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk to us Brendon. We’re here for you.” Patrick encouraged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “If it's that important she can tell you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed. “Brendon thinks that you do better when he’s not there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard and Patrick turned to face me. “That’s not true at all Brendon.” They tried to assure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop lying to yourselves.” I huffed under my breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re not lying.” Gerard said firmly. “You’ve always been a part of my biggest hits.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“JUST STOP LYING!” I yelled finally.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re not lying.” Patrick said cautiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“LEAVE! PLEASE!” I begged them, feeling my shaking start again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, are you alright?” Gerard asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please!” I pleaded. “G-go away!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Patrick looked to Dr Jo, who just shook her head. “Brendon, take a deep breathe. We’re not finished here, this discussion isn’t over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“J-Just go! Please! P-please go…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re not leaving you Brendon.” Gerard stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you n-need to. Please!” I begged, becoming much more panicked and scared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you need to calm down buddy.” Patrick said, placing a hand on my shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t!” I cried. I tucked myself into the corner of the room and watched the shaking get worse. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Patrick’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. He needs an ambulance. I’m sorry about this…” Brendon’s psychologist said, picking her phone up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I cast a worried glance to my friend in the corner, watching his shaking worsen, and with it came an abundance of tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Does this happen often?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, well, it’s been more frequent nowadays than past times.” She said. “Excuse me while I make this phone call, I’ll be back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard sighed once we were alone in the other half of the office. “I can’t believe this. First Kaitlyn, then Sarah, and now Brendon. The Urie’s aren’t having a good mental health run.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn? Who’s that?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard studied my confused expression. “Nobody has told you, have they?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Told me what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You remember the crash that killed Brendon’s friends?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well he took in their daughter. That’s who Kaitlyn is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He adopted a kid?! Wow. How old is she?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, 14, I think.” He answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow. So, what’s going on with her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To much to try to account. She’s in the hospital right now and she had or is in the middle of a psychotic episode.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god…” I mumbled. “What’s she been diagnosed with?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh...Schizophrenia, PTSD, depression I think.” He stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kid’s got issues, huh?” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded glumly. “Not sure how she is now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo returned. “Well, the ambulance is on it’s way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going to happen to him?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’ll probably be admitted to the psychiatric ward for the time being. Probably placed in a venting room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will he be alright?” I asked, becoming concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should be. He probably won’t be in there long.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed in relief. “That’s good, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about Kaitlyn?” Gerard asked. “Both of her parents have gone AWOL. What do we do there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo ran a hand through her hair. “I’m….I’m going to have to make a call to child services.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god.” Gerard murmured. “Do you know where she’ll end up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At this point…” She said nervously. “Probably a mental institution.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard went to say something, before clamping his mouth shut and just nodding.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If her mental health improves and she no longer requires that care… I don’t know. I’m not a social worker.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But will Brendon still legally be her father?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “If Brendon can pass the test to show he is stable enough to support a child on his own, then he can have her back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry for the questions,” I interjected. “But what does the test consist of?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honestly, it’s a psycho-evaluation to test his stability as a parent. To be truthful, he’s never actually passed. Sarah’s been pulling him through. But now, I doubt he’ll get her back for many months.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So he’s not going to pass…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably not, no.” She said apologetically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And there’s nothing we can do about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Not really, no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So Brendon is going to fall into some bottomless mental pit since he’s alone. Delightful.” Gerard huffed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry guys. I truly am. But do you honestly think that if we were returned Kaitlyn to his care right now, she’d be able to get the help and support she needs from a parent?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if we help him?” I proposed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Joint custody?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I don’t know. You’ll have to speak to social services. They’ll have to consider the case. And considering that Kaitlyn has, erm, special needs, it’ll need a lot of consideration.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard nodded. “I suppose it’s just something to consider. It seems like Brendon would be crushed without her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I don’t think she’ll do too well without him either, but the facts are he’s not stable enough to support her, both financially and emotionally.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Our conversation was interrupted as some paramedics ran into the room. Gerard, Dr Jo and I all stood awkwardly to the side as Brendon was sedated and loaded into the back of the ambulance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s coming?” One of the paramedics asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You go ‘Trick. I’ve got my car.” Gerard said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and climbed in the back of the ambulance. The doors were closed and I waved goodbye to my friends as it drove down the road towards the hospital.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was rushed inside and I got caught up in the rush of it all. I ended up confused and very lost.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Patrick!” I heard someone call.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I found Gerard in the lobby. “Brendon’s in a venting room. I was wondering if you’d come with me to visit Kaitlyn…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh...uh...sure?” I answered unsurely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just...I don’t know what we’ll find in there. She’s on some pretty heavy medication, so she might be out of it for a while. I just feel that she needs a visitor, and someone to explain what has happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you think she’ll take the news?” I asked, beginning to follow him down the hall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gulped. “Not well. Let’s just hope it doesn’t worsen the situation.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just worried that it’ll do the opposite of help her. I mean, her Mom’s abandoned her, and her Dad is now in a venting chamber…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard sighed. “Yeah, but she deserves to know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“True…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There is also the chance that she won’t react at all. She hasn’t spoken almost 3 days.” Gerard said as he stopped outside a door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this the room?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “I believe so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nervously pushed the door open, letting Gerard walk in first. A woman was already sitting at the end of the bed, trying to make conversation with the girl I’d assumed to be Kaitlyn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is she?” Gerard asked the woman.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s doing much better. Still non-verbal, but she seems to be doing better.” She smiled. Then she turned to me. “Who’s this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m Patrick. I’m Brendon and Gerard’s friend.” I introduced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook my hand. “Nice to meet you then Patrick. I’m Indigo, Kaitlyn’s psychologist.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, some stuffs happened since well, anyone was really here.” Gerard stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What sort of stuff?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stuff we should probably talk about outside…” Gerard mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo nodded and walked us outside. “Okay, so what’s going on, and where’s Brendon and Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah’s left to god knows where, and Brendon’s in a venting room.” Gerard explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god.” She murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Dr Jo said s-she was going to call C-Child services…” I added nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Okay. I’ll have to talk to her as soon as I can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think she’s going to react okay?” Gerard asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I honestly don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should we go back in?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We all walked back in the room. Kaitlyn must’ve sense the tension in the air because she looked terrified already.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Kaitlyn. Don’t panic.” Gerard tried to comfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grunted and tucked her knees up to her chest. I stood awkwardly in the corner, not really sure how to help in this situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. Just listen, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She forced herself to do a slight nod.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to talk about Brendon and Sarah.” She started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She glanced over at me, then back at Gerard. The heart monitor beside her immediately started emitting louder and faster beeps as her heart rate skyrocketed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, Kaitlyn, please, try to calm down.” Indigo stepped in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That only made her heart rate speed up more and she had already begun to hyperventilate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should we leave?” Gerard asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn shook her head and grunted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, but you need to try and calm down, okay? Deep breaths.” He instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She rasped as she tried to take a deep breath. Indigo fumbled with the oxygen tank connected to the tubes in her nose and cranked it up to a higher concentration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaitlyn immediately tried to pull the tubes out. She grunted in apparent frustration when Indigo pulled her hands away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I know you don’t like them kiddo, but you honestly really need them right now.” She said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She started crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard wrapped her in a hug. “Shh…. It’s okay Kaitlyn. It’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-” She tried to saying before just grunting again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is she a-alright?” I stammered to Indigo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think so.” She whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her heart rate slowly began to fall back to a normal level as Gerard quietly soothed her tears. Once she was completely calm again, Indigo reluctantly went back to telling her the news.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so Sarah mightn’t be back for a little while, okay? She’s in a bit of a rough patch. Same with Brendon, but they’ll be okay, you’ll be okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her facial expression didn’t change at all, in fact she was just staring straight ahead blankly, but the heart rate monitor started blaring a siren, almost.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn?! Kaitlyn look at me. Kaitlyn Breathe!” Gerard panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn’t change her expression at all, nor did it change the heart’s patterns.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“PATRICK GO GET A DOCTOR!” Indigo screamed. “RUN! RUN NOW!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ran out the room and after explaining the situation as best as I could, the doctor followed me into the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard and I were pushed out of the room, much to our surprise, </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is she g-going to be okay?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know Patrick!” Gerard panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry!” I retaliated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m scared Patrick.” He admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-so am I. I-Is there anyone we can t-talk to?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “I-I’d say I-Indigo but she’s inside...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And o-of course neither Sarah or B-Brendon are here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you just want to go downstairs and get a drink?” He suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We wandered down to the cafe and ordered some coffee. The silence between us was deafening as she sat near the front window.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is overwhelming, and I’ve barely been here!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And Brendon has the weight of being her father, plus Sarah, plus his own issues.” Gerard mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel horrible. Even though Dr Jo said he had no chance of passing the test I still really hope he does.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so worried for him when he sits it and finds out that he can’t have his daughter back…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s not going to bear well at all. I don’t know if he’d be able to handle it.” I said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Neither…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you think is going to happen to Kaitlyn?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I honestly don’t know. She could end up anywhere at this point.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope she doesn’t end up somewhere bad…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s a good chance she will. Even if she does go back into the foster system sort of thing, she could end up in a place like she had been before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What sort of place is that?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was in a group home before and the owner basically abused her and let her get bullied by other residents and such. I’ve heard nothing but bad things about that place.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God. How the hell does that happen? I though social services monitored those places!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “I don’t know how she got away with it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That explains the mental health problems…” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “I think that’s where most of it’s from.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just hope she ends up somewhere good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. If she doesn’t, hopefully I can help her out of it.” He answered. “I’ll adopt her if I have to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a really sweet thing.” I acknowledged. “But then you’ll be her father, not Brendon. I don’t know if he’ll cope with that either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but it’ll keep her safe, and I think that would make him happier than if she was somewhere in which he had no clue what was happening to her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded in understanding. “I hope she doesn’t get any more injustice. She’s been through far too much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Are you finished?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked down at my cup. “Yeah, you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Shall we go back?” He proposed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked back to Kaitlyn’s room, only to find it empty. Her meager belongings were still on the table, but the bed was gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where is she?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Gerard, Patrick.”  I heard Indigo state. “Good to see you two again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Indigo! What’s going on? Where’s Kaitlyn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gulped. “Kaitlyn….Kaitlyn went into cardiac arrest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-what?!” Gerard panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re in the operating theatre. I think she’s okay...but she did just have a heart attack.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god.” Gerard whispered. The stress was really getting to him and he found himself pacing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it’s best if you two head home, get some rest. You both look exhausted. It’s almost dinner, and visiting hours are almost over anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I suppose we’ll be back tomorrow.” I responded. “Come on Gerard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s just had a heart attack Patrick! I can’t leave her alone!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have to Gerard. We’ll come back as soon as we can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “I can’t Pat, she needs someone here. And with her parents gone, it’s left to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be here.” Indigo said. “Visiting hours are over Gerard. I’m sorry, but you can’t stay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Things are better if I stay!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, but no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gave a final huff, but walked out to the car with me. I drove back to the Way household, greeted by Lindsey and Bandit as I walked in the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh hey Patrick! Gee didn’t tell me you were coming. Gee, where’s Brendon? And Sarah for that matter?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard and I looked at each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve got a bit of a story to tell.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0056"><h2>56. Chapter 55 - Moving On</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>***** Sarah’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave a satisfied smile as I overlooked the city view from my new apartment. The tradesmen gave me all a small smile as they left, leaving me to my own devices.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I couldn’t believe it had been an entire week since I’d left Brendon and Kaitlyn. It had been an awesome week. I had stayed at a hotel until I was able to get an apartment, and I’d bought myself a fair new share of clothes. I was due to start my new job on Monday, and until then, I was just planning to relax and settle in, maybe introduce myself to my new neighbours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked downstairs back to my car and reluctantly opened the trunk to grab the final few boxes of stuff. I sighed when I reached the pile of things that once belonged to my ‘family’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I lifted Kaitlyn’s blanket up and held it in my hands, remembering the time that Brendon had accidently cut it in two. I lightly ran my finger along the black stitching, smiling slightly as I remembered Kaitlyn’s face when he returned it to her, stitched back together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Next came a bottle of Brendon’s cologne, and some of his candy. I tried not to focus on the days before we’d gotten married where we’d just stay up late, laughing and talking and eating this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Guilt started to creep in about what I’d done. I hadn’t even called to check that Brendon was okay, or Kaitlyn for that matter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gasped as I remembered the bottles of emergency medication in my purse. Brendon’s, Kaitlyn’s, had they been okay without these? What if they’d had an attack?!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I fumbled for my phone and dialed Brendon’s number, hoping that he’d answer, hoping that he’d be okay. I’d just drop the stuff off and go. That would be it…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah.” Gerard said flatly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gerard? Why are you on Brendon’s phone?” I asked, a tad confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, considering that Brendon doesn’t have anybody else around him at the moment, Lindsey and I are watching his belongings until he gets out of the institution.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Institution?” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh huh.” Gerard said. “He’s been institutionalised. You leaving him didn’t help his state, plus when Kaitlyn found out, she went into cardiac arrest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“WHAT?!” I shrieked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But, ya know, that doesn’t concern you. After all, you did </span>
  <em>
    <span>abandon</span>
  </em>
  <span> them in their time of need…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gerard I had reasons!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And refused help. And now we’re here. Goodbye Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait! No! Gerard!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The call ended with a few beeps.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I had no clue what to do. Everything had just fallen apart and it seemed like I was useless. At this point there was no way I’d be forgiven, though I longed to just know if they’d be alright.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down beside my car, tears beginning to run down my face. Both of them, BOTH OF THEM, were in complete meltdown. Both of them were locked up away from the outside world from the mental damage I had given them. This was all my fault, and I knew it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me misus, are you alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m f-fine.” I whispered. “I-I’ll be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don't look fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no it’s alright.” I confirmed, wiping away some of my tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The girl I was talking to sat down across from me. “Misus, you don’t look alright at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-well I’m not r-really, b-but why do you c-care?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “Because I know that not being alright sucks and I want to help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you don’t h-have to. It’s fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at me. “Are you the woman that just moved into 14B?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled and held her hand out to me. “Nice to meet you. I’m your neighbour. I’m Nicole.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook her hand. “Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well Sarah,” She said. “Do you want some help bringing this stuff up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t really know. Maybe?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled and picked a box up. “Let’s head up then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for you help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole shrugged. “It’s fine. Maybe after we can head to my apartment and have a drink or something and talk about what’s going on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nervously grabbed Kaitlyn’s and Brendon’s belongings and followed Nicole up the stairs to my apartment. She smiled slightly as she looked around the place, before placing the box down on the kitchen bench.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there much more?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s it actually…” I mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well let’s head over to my place and get a drink.”  She suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh it’s okay Nicole. Thank you for your help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. I’m sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She frowned. “Too bad. Come on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and followed her to her apartment. She led me to the lounge room and told me to sit down. “Coffee?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds amazing, thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled and poured some coffee into two mugs. I studied her face for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How old are you Nicole?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fifteen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t that too young to drink coffee?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She scoffed. “No way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s your Mom?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Work.” She shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, okay.”  I answered, sipping the coffee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole took a sip of her own coffee and sat next to me. “So what’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just, stuff.”  I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s vague.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, how about we take it in turns. I’ll say something, and then you do.” She suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure?” I responded unsurely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Well, my brother is sleeping in the other room and I’m supposed to be watching him until my Mom gets home. Your turn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I feel guilty?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My Mom says she works but she comes home smelling of alcohol so I don’t know if that’s true…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what my relationship is with my husband right now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My brother has cerebral palsy and I’m his main carer, sort of.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm….”  I contemplated what to say. “ I don’t know…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole took another sip of the coffee. Actually, sip was an understatement. She tipped the rest of the mug down her throat and got up to make another cup. “I said my thing, your turn.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My husband has recently been institutionalized…”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m doing my best to keep my grades up but my brother broke the computer and now I don’t have any way to do my assignments at home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I abandoned my family because I felt overwhelmed…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My best friend just broke up with me because I’m gay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My daughter went into cardiac arrest after she found out I left her.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s all I’ve got.” Nicole said as she drank the second cup of coffee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose we’ll stop then.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Are you any good at maths?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not particularly.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dammit.” She muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you need help or something?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got this exam on monday and I have to learn to do this thing and I don’t understand it at all…” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Show me. I’ll see if I can help.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grinned as she fumbled around in her backpack. “Thank you so much for this Sarah, I’m so confused, and I really need to pass this exam if I want to pass this semester.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. What have we got?”  I asked, taking the paper she held out to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Geometry. Everybody else seems to be getting it, but it honestly makes no sense to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fine. Let’s work through it slowly.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She passed me a ratty, old textbook and opened it to a page with a bunch of written out examples on it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My teacher said to look at these, but they don’t make any sense.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Well, I should be able to help you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole grinned. “Thank you so much!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem. You remind me slightly of my daughter…”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-What do you mean K-Kaitlyn is no longer i-in my c-custody?!” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re sorry.” Was all they responded with. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-She’s my d-daughter! You c-can’t take her away from me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re sorry Mr Urie. There is nothing we can do about it.” One of them stated blankly, no sympathy at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-What’s g-going to h-happen to her?!” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s currently undetermined.”  He explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Don’t s-send her f-far away. D-Don’t send h-her back to w-where she c-came from either!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Urie, your opinions aren’t a determining factor.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Don’t hurt her!” I cried. “L-Let her know t-that I l-love her!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll do our best.”  They stated before leaving the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Don’t leave me!” I wailed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door shut behind them and I was once again alone. I thought of Kaitlyn, of how alone she must be feeling, about how she had no idea what was going to happen to her and the terrifying suspense that it must bring. I felt my bottom lip tremble as I thought about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door then opened and someone came in. “Hello.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi.” I muttered, not looking up at the person.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you doing?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Peachy” I remarked sarcastically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Might I just add Brendon, your sarcasm isn’t helping the situation.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well if you wanted honesty, I’m really scared and feeling absolutely dreadful right now.” I snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there a particular reason you’re feeling this way?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My wife let me and I’ve just been told my daughter isn’t in my custody anymore.” I mumbled. “Plus I killed my two best friends in a car crash 10 years ago.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t kill them Brendon.” They affirmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did!” I wailed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“ You didn’t at all. It was just a horrible accident.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That I caused! I’m a murderer!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, you're impossible.” They muttered under their breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t respond, only started crying hysterically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be back.”  The stated before the walked out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-No d-don’t leave!” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door slammed shut and the noise echoed through the room. My sobbing intensified as I banged my fists on the door so hard that they started to bleed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon? What are you doing?” I heard a woman ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She crouched down beside me. “Show me your hands.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I reluctantly held my hands out, watching as they trembled as the woman examined them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My, my Brendon. What have you done now?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t k-know!” I exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh, Shh. It’s okay. Let’s go get this cleaned up, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-Where are y-you taking me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re just going down the hall.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-Will it h-hurt?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully not too much.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head and sat down on the floor. “I-I’m not c-coming.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not? Are you scared of it hurting Brendon?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ve been hurt e-enough already.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be gentle Brendon. I don’t want to hurt you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yes you do. E-Everybody is t-trying to h-hurt me and I-I don’t w-want to be h-hurt anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well it needs to be tended to Brendon.” She explained. “It’s going to hurt the longer we leave it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s f-fine.” I defended. “I-It doesn’t n-need anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, look at it. It needs to be cleaned and covered up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shoved my hands in my pockets. “D-Done.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, please. I’m just trying to help you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The only h-help I need is my d-daughter back.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I can’t help you there, but please, just come with me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “N-No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon.” She said more firmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m not g-going.” I said, matching her tone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I inched away from her into the corner. “N-No I’m n-not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, please. It's only going to hurt more the longer you wait.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It doesn’t h-hurt.” I lied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it does. Now please, just come with me. I don’t want you in more pain.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head and she sighed. “I’ll bring the stuff in here then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-What!?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s getting done Brendon. It needs to be. Hold tight.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She got up to leave and I grabbed her ankle. “D-Don’t leave m-me.” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, then come with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t want to th-though…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you need to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Meanie.”  I pouted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. But can you come with me please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t want to, b-but I g-guess so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled and extended a hand out to me. “Well, then let’s go!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hesitantly grabbed her hand, flinching at the pain caused when she wrapped her fingers around my hand. I tried to not bring attention to it, however. “Let’s go then.”  I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She walked me down to a small medical room at the end of the floor and sat me down on the examination bed while she acquired some supplies and grabbed gloves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wet a small cloth with water. “Let’s clean off the blood first.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She lightly dabbed around my knuckles and wiped away some blood. I flinched whenever she got close to one of the open areas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay if it hurts you, you can cry if you want.” She said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head and tried to distract myself from the stinging. “I-I’ll b-be f-f-fine…” I whimpered lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gently applied a dressing to the wound and cleaned it all up. “And there we go. All done Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thank you…”  I mustered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s no problem.” She beamed. “But it’s time to head back to your room now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “I hate that place.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled apologetically. “I know Brendon, but there’s nothing I can do I’m afraid. It’s that or a venting room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why can’t I just leave?” I asked. “I don’t want to be here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you’re posing a threat to yourself and society.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Am I really?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “I’m sorry, but you are. You’re in solitary at the moment, but if you improve we can move you to a location where you can interact with other patients, and from there if you continue to improve, we can release you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “That sucks.” I murmured lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” She sighed. “But it’s what we have to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I miss home…” I admitted in a whisper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I understand. Do you have any visitors lined up for Sunday? Sunday is visiting day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Probably not. Everyone has either left or is busy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you say you had a daughter? Would she visit?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well yeah, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> a daughter. I don’t even know how she is. She has been in hospital.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why is she in hospital?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well she sort of has schizophrenia and keeps having these psychotic episodes…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh wow…” The woman mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just have to keep talking to doctors to keep myself amused.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The corners of her lips turned upwards into a small smile. “I’d like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s your name anyway?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Sam.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a cool name.” I smiled slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Brendon.” She chuckled. “Anyway, we really should go back to your room now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah….we probably should.” I stated, getting off of the bench.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam walked me back to my room, where I found the sheets had been changed. I sat up on the bed while Sam took the chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what do you do in your spare time Sam?” I questioned, mindlessly staring at the ceiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! I um, I play video games.” She responded, not expecting my question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool. What sort of games do you play?” I continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“First person shooters.” She said with a wicked grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grinned. “That’s awesome.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “It is what it is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stared at the blank walls. “How long do you think I’ll be here?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At this rate, not long in solitary.” She said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good, I suppose.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling about everything Brendon?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m feeling a lot of things, I suppose.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What sorts of things?” Sam pushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, a bit of anxiety, some fear, anger, sadness, I suppose. I'm also confused almost and I suppose I’m glad I’m not currently alone.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled slightly at that last part. “Why the anxiety?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just all new, and I am just sort of adjusting to everything. I sort of feel like something is going to go wrong, so I’m sort of hesitant about everything.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Understandable.” She nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There isn’t much to do here.” I murmured, fiddling with the corner of the bedsheet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Brendon, I’m sorry. We’ll just have to talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed, slightly frustrated. “I guess so.” I muttered, aggravated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could see if I could get a pack of cards.” She suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would it be a lot of trouble?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really.” She said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you?” I questioned playing with my fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure. Be right back.” She said, getting up and leaving the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried tapping on the wall to fill the silence, though I found myself becoming scared. I tried to contain the light shakes that had broken out so it wouldn’t get any worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Somebody c-come back…” I called to the silence, only for my own voice to echo through the walls and bounce back to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please?” I whimpered. I curled up in the bed and tried to ignore the silence, though it became overwhelming. I was seriously beginning to regret letting Sam leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thankfully, she returned, and immediately rushed to my side seeing my state.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t kn-know…” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong? Talk to me Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-the silence, a-and the e-emptiness and I-I w-was alone and v-vulnerable.” I whimpered. “I-It’s scary…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does the silence scare you?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “V-very much s-so. P-please don’t l-leave again…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll have to leave at some point, but I’ll make sure there’s somebody here.” She assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” I whimpered quietly, curling myself up into a ball. “I-I’m pathetic.” I stammered. “And u-useless. And a burden.” I whispered to myself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you’re not.” She whispered, gently rubbing my shoulder. “You’re not. You’re really not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yes I a-am…” I countered. “I-I can’t sustain a f-family, I’m i-insane and c-completely dependant on o-others.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are not insane, and you aren’t completely dependant on others. You can walk, talk, make decisions, you can eat for yourself, you’re quite indepent other than the help you’re getting with the thoughts in your mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am insane! I’m in a god damn institution!” I snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re in a low security institution. Those in the high security, now they’re insane.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m still here though…” I whimpered, tears forming once again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Brendon. It’s okay.” She comforted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m gonna be here forever…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No you’re not. You’ll only be here if you think you will. Stay positive Brendon, that’s the key to being released.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s h-hard being positive…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it’s hard, but that’s what you’ve got to do. Do you want to play cards?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know. I-I just want to sleep it all away.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can sleep if you want Brendon. You are on a bed. Do you want me to turn the lights off?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head, panicking. “N-no! K-keep them on!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Okay. I won’t turn the lights off. Do you want me to sit here until you fall asleep?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I guess so?” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sat down on the chair and gave me a smile. “You can sleep now if you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I turned to face the wall and slowly closed my eyes, a few thoughts swarming through my head before I eventually fell asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Gerard’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p><span>“What do you mean my request for guardianship of Kaitlyn has been denied?!”</span> <span>I asked.</span></p><p>
  <span>“S-sorry!” The woman panicked, clearly startled at my exclamation. “I’m s-sorry Mr Way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?!” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s j-just that you d-don’t seem to be the most reasonable c-candidate Mr Way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who could be better than someone she knows and trusts?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-Mr Way, y-your career w-wasn’t deemed s-stable enough to s-support her emotional n-needs…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Her last father did essentially the same thing! On a grander scale, even!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry Mr W-Way.” She squeaked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just go.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This i-is my o-office…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stood up and stormed out of the room in frustration, my mind still jumbled from the news.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” Lindsey asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was denied!” I shouted, grabbing the keys from her and started storming out to the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gasped. “Where are they sending her instead?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God knows Lindsey.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shouldn’t we ask? So we can visit?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can.” I huffed. “I’m not going back in there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and took Bandit by the hand, before entering the room once again. I sat on the chair outside and huffed in frustration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey soon came back out. “Let’s go.” She rushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s just go home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lindsey? What’s going on?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Their going to send her back there Gerard.” She whispered. “She’s going back into that awful woman’s care.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“WHAT?!” I shouted in outrage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And there’s nothing we can do about it apparently.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“THAT’S STUPID!” I yelled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Calm down Gee. Let’s just go home.” She whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not letting her go back there!” I exclaimed. Lindsey tried to hold me back as I stormed back into the office.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Ever since I’d woken up, and realised where I was once again, I’d been crying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually Sam came in and started fussing over me. “What’s wrong Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m i-in a m-m-mental institution…” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh, it’s okay Brendon. You aren’t going to be here too long. You just have to hold on.” She soothed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I m-miss home a-and the p-puppies and K-Kaitlyn and S-S-Sarah…” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Brendon. I know.” She comforted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A nurse came in and handed Sam two white paper cups. She handed one to me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s your medication and there’s water here if you need it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stared down at the abundance of pills residing in the bottom of the cup. “There’s a lot…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No more than usual Brendon.” Sam stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want them.” I muttered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you need them Brendon. If you want any chance of getting out of here, you have to take your medication when we give it to you.” She explained softly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s all you ever do!” I shouted throwing the cup onto the floor. “You just drug me up and try to tell me I’m getting better, but I’m not! I’m still here!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just because your location hasn’t changed doesn’t mean you’re not showing improvements.” She told me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It does! I’m still in a god damn institution!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon please!” She begged. “You’re so close to being moved but if you continue like this you’re going to throw it all away!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I don’t want to be here anymore! I want to be home! Just let me leave!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t. I’m sorry.” She apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“THEN WHAT CAN YOU DO?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She handed me back the paper cup. “Take these.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They aren’t even helping!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You haven’t taken them yet, so how would you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because the pills I’ve been taking for years don’t seemed to have done much at all!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They have Brendon, you just haven’t realised it.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No they haven’t. It’s all just ended up with me here, and this doesn’t make it seem like I’m improving at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam sighed. “Brendon, they have. You’ve just experienced a chain of bad experiences which have led to this slump which is why you’re in here. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way it is. And the only way you’re going to get out of here is to take your medication.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s always </span>
  <em>
    <span>just a slump</span>
  </em>
  <span> but it’s a really long one apparently.” I huffed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is. It’s really unfortunate, but it’s what we have to deal with.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t like pills.” I muttered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want the water?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I guess so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She handed me the water bottle and I reluctantly downed the pills one at a time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hate this place.” I muttered after I had swallowed the final one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve said.” She stated as she took the water and paper cup from me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you’ve done nothing about it.” I retaliated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m doing all I can.” She replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doesn’t seem like much.” I spat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “I’m sorry Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And there is absolutely nothing you can do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m trying to get you moved, so you’re closer to going home. I’m in the middle of convincing the other doctors. But if you keep complaining like this, they’re not going to believe me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My complaining has little to do with my recovery.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It does I’m sorry.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then what am I supposed to do? Sit here and become terrified of the silence?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk to me.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was literally just doing that. But it’s apparently </span>
  <em>
    <span>affecting my recovery</span>
  </em>
  <span> somehow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s talk about something else.” She suggested. “You said puppies. Do you have puppies Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What sort of puppies?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re border collies.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grinned. “Cute. What are their names?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Opal and Ollie.” I answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very cute.” She giggled. “What sort of things do they get up to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re pretty mischievous. Always playing with each other.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “That’s cute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah….” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have dogs?” I asked, trying to seem interested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “No. I have a goldfish, but that’s it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I allowed to be moved yet?” I groaned, staring at the ceiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Almost. I’m just waiting on approval.” She replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And how long will that take?” I continued. “Cause I really don't like waiting around.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know Brendon. I’m sorry.” She apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This sucks.” I moped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. Do you want to play cards?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really.” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another woman entered the room. “He’s ready to be moved.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam smiled. “Alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stood up from my seat. “Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was led down corridors for what felt like an eternity before we reached a room that was seemingly identical to the last.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This doesn’t seem like much of an improvement.” I frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you aren’t confined as much in here and you are actually allowed to leave this room sometimes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where would I leave to?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s an actual dining hall here, and if you need medical attention you can go visit a nurse down the corridor and you can go to the showers. There is also a small outside area if you want to go there in your free time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So no home then…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sadly not.” She stated apologetically. “But there are other people you can interact with here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Other people as insane as I am?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, not at all Brendon. You aren’t insane at all. Everyone here is reaching the end of their recovery.” She explained. “No one here is insane.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down on the bed and curled up. “Except for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you aren’t insane, I promise. You weren’t even insane when you came here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m insane.” I whispered. “I’ve lost my mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you think that, Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“LOOK AT ME!” I shouted. “I’M INSANE AND I’M IN A GODDAMN INSTITUTION BECAUSE OF IT!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon please, calm down. You aren’t insane and you’re purely here for your safety.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“People who aren’t insane don’t need to be locked up for </span>
  <em>
    <span>safety</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” I screamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, p-please calm down.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I buried my head in my knees. “Just s-stop lying to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I’m not lying. I don’t know why you think I’m lying to you but I assure you, I’m not. You aren’t insane, you’re nowhere near. You’ve made a tremendous recovery.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-But I’m s-still here.” I blubbered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, and that sucks, but at least you’re much closer to leaving now. You shouldn’t be here much longer at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I want to go home now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want you to go home too Brendon, but you have to stay just a bit longer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to go outside.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well then, let's go to the outside area.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I held my hand out. “Can you help me up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” She answered, grabbing my hand and pulling me up. “Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked out to a small area with 2 benches, some grass and some bushes. It looked rather sad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s got to be more than this…” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam bit her lip. “There isn’t really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But this is so small!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry…” She whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and sat down on the bench. “Well, it’s better than nothing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s everybody else?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Busy…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With…?” I questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Group therapy. Shouldn’t end for about another half hour though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Is there pizza?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked baffled. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-My daughter’s group t-therapy...they had pizza.” I mumbled. “I wanted some.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh…” She murmured. “There’s not usually pizza, but there is food.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I have some? I’m hungry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll have to join the session though.” She stated. “Is that okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” I mumbled, getting up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She led me into a separate room where everyone was seated in a circle of chairs. As soon as I came in, everyone stared at me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How nice of you to join us Mr Urie.” A woman stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, h-hi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take a seat.” She said, gesturing to an empty chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hesitantly sat down and stared at the floor, feeling everyone’s gaze on me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, considering we have a newcomer, we should all introduce ourselves.” The woman said in a tone far too cheerful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s start with you, Maryam.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A woman near me cleared her throat. “Um...Maryam...diagnosed bipolar…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man beside me than started speaking. “James…...Depression.” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All eyes were on me. “Brendon….PTSD and depression.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few people nodded and the introductions continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ruth….paranoid schizophrenic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I thought back to Kaitlyn and was panicking slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jacob...anxiety…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Carl… OCD.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eliza… OSFED…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon are you alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-” I tried to say before I burst into tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman next to me, Ruth, put her hand on my knee. “What’s wrong beautiful?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I m-my d-daughter…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about your daughter?” James asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head before I got up and left the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam was out in the corridor. “What’s wrong Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s j-just th-that I w-was reminded of m-my family…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh. Take a deep breath. Calm down.” She said soothingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to calm down but had troubles controlling my breathing. Eventually I managed to regain control over my respiratory system and Sam gave me some water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ready to go back in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I-I don’t w-want to go back in…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry Brendon, but you have to. You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, all you have to say is pass.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t want to go in though…” I whimpered. “P-please don’t make me me g-go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “I’ll come with you. Come on, we’ve got to go back in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-Please…” I stammered. “L-Let me g-go b-back to my r-room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed and took my hand, before leading me back in the room and sitting me down on the chair I was in just before. I tried to ignore the stares from everyone else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Welcome back Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-Hi…” I mumbled, looking down at my lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman turned back to the woman sitting beside her. “Avery was just talking to us about her experiences. Shall we continue?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded silently and mentally traced the patterns on the carpet as the session continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon! Your turn. Would you like to share a story with us? Today’s theme is ‘overcoming demons’. Do you have a story to contribute?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “P-pass…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Ruth. Your turn. A story where you overcame demons.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She started telling this long story about how she was afraid of these voices and she became at peace with it. I tried to block it out so I wouldn’t have another meltdown.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman at the front smiled. “Thank you for sharing Ruth. Anybody have any thoughts to add?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone shook their head collectively. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I suppose we should move on then. Jacob?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pass…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Carl?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pass.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eliza?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman gulped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She started telling a story but kept going in circles. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, n-nevermind…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can keep going.” The woman encouraged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well then. I guess we’re onto you, Damien.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then I broke. “Oh god….” I murmured under my breath, blocking my ears with my hands,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon? Brendon what’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-it’s n-nothing.” I stammered, pulling my knees up to my chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve had two meltdowns in a session. What is affecting you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s j-just l-like these r-r-reminders and I c-can’t h-handle it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What reminders? What do they remind you of?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head and just cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everybody stared at me, until Sam stepped in. “Lunch!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone got up and wandered over to a table of food, but I just remained in my seat, feeling absolutely terrified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam sat down next to me. “What’s going on Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-m-my friend, h-he was c-c-called Damien.” I whimpered. Not looking up at her. “I-I k-killed him!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I see. Brendon, you know you didn’t kill him. The accident was simply an accident. Something that you had no control over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but it wasn’t an accident. I-it was all my fault!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No it wasn’t.” She said firmly. “If it was your fault, you would’ve done it on purpose. Did you purposely try to kill your friend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “B-but it s-still h-h-happened…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But that doesn’t mean you caused it. It doesn’t mean that it was your fault. It means that you were the lucky one Brendon, and your friend wasn’t. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t want to b-b-be here anymore…” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, it’s talk like that that gets you back in solitary. You want to be here. For so many reasons. Your daughter. Your puppies. Your friends. Me! Everybody needs you here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-c-can I at least l-leave this room s-since you w-won’t let me leave. I-I don’t w-want to be tortured anymore.” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. Do you want to go back to your room or do you want to go and get some lunch? There’s pizza today, I made the chefs make some for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay. L-lunch sounds good…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled slightly. “Well, let’s go to the lunch room then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I followed down the corridor into a huge food hall. There were lots of seats and tables all lined up. “Wh-where do I s-sit?” I stammered, looking at all the seats and feeling slightly overwhelmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “Wherever you want to Brendon. Why don’t you go sit next to Josh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-who’s that?” I asked, staring at the motivational posters sprawled across the walls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is Josh.” Sam said, walking over to a guy about my age. “Josh, this is Brendon. Can he sit with you guys?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josh shrugged. “Sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nervously sat down and remained silent, not want to disturb him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You uh, gonna go get some food dude?” He asked, cocking his head towards the buffet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, uh, yeah. I-I’ll be back?” I stuttered, getting up from my seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After grabbing some pizza and a drink of water I walked back to the table and took my seat in silence. It was almost as if I was back in high school.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man now known as Josh was talking to someone else at the table. I played with the food for awhile before actually taking a bite and by that time, everyone at the table had left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and tapped on the table to make sure I wasn’t surrounded my silence. I was hoping somebody would come and join me eventually, but nobody did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After Sam noticed I was alone, she sat beside me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” She asked, awfully cheery.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lunch.” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Well that’s better than nothing, is it not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Maybe…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, um, I found out some information about your daughter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do I want to know?” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That depends. Do you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” She started. “Kaitlyn had a hiccup in hospital and went into cardiac arrest. She’s currently recovering, although soon she’ll be moved out of the hospital. Um, your friend Gerard’s request to be her guardian was denied, and they were going to send her back to the group home she came from, although Gerard was awfully convincing that she’d suffer there and instead they have a foster home lined up for her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-will I ever get to s-see her?” I asked</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Legally you are still her father. When you pass the test to prove you are stable enough to visit, you can. And when you’re stable enough to take her in full time, then she’ll be returned to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-when will that b-be?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“After you leave her, your psychologist will make decisions on when you’re stable enough for visiting and for taking her back into your possession.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started crying lightly. “My psychologist hates me…” I whimpered. “I-I’m n-never going to g-get her back…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your psychologist doesn’t hate you Brendon. You’ll get her back. Eventually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You say that, but you’ve never talked to Dr Jo. She despises me. I’m nothing but a pain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dr Jo and I studied psychology together. We’re actually really good friends. She doesn’t despise you at all. She made me promise to keep an eye on you while you’re in here because she cares so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s probably glad I’m not there anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure that’s not true.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know that and I can’t believe it until she makes it clear.” I stat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to call her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I don’t know. It’d probably just be an inconvenience to everyone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wouldn’t. Do you want me to prove that she misses you? Don’t say anything, and I’ll just carry out the conversation. That way you’ll know she’s not lying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay, I suppose. If you th-think you can prove it…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled out her phone and dialed the number. I quietly ate my cold pizza as I listened to the conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Jo! How are you doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m good Sam. How’s Brendon? Is he out of solitary?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. He got out earlier today, actually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed in relief. “That’s awesome. God, I wish I could help him like you do. I know he can do it, he has the capability to be out of there, but I swear he doesn’t like me. All I want is to help him, but even he admitted that he wants a new psychologist.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I honestly don’t do much. I do nothing more than you do. It feels like I’m torturing him though since all he wants is to go home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed. “He was doing so well, and then his wife had to go and do this. I honestly can’t believe she did it. Who would leave such a beautiful man? He’s kind and loving and loyal as anything. God, what I would do for him to be my-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam cut her off with an awkward chuckle. “Uh yeah. Anyway, he sort of broke down during group.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is he okay now? What set it off?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right now he’s currently eating pizza, and seems to be alright. He was set off by a guy with the same name as his friend who was in the accident, and some other patients with the same disorders as his daughter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “How do you think he’s doing? How long do you think he’ll be there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A week, maybe 2. 3 if progress is slow. He seems to be doing alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully not too long. The office has been a lot quieter without him.” She admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good quiet or bad quiet?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just unstartling quiet. I miss having him around.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam gave me a smile. “I can imagine. He is a charmer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s he been going with his medication? Is he being stubborn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He doesn’t like it, that’s for sure. I managed to convince him this morning after about 10 minutes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “He’s never liked it. It’s hard getting him to take them sometimes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The head doctor agreed to reduce it by one pill due to his progress. I’m hoping that will be enough to convince him that he is getting better. He refuses when anybody tries to tell him that he’s not insane.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well it’s good he’s getting better. That should give him some hope at least. I’m not sure how to help with the refusing thing. That’s just Brendon being stubborn as usual.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He is remarkably stubborn. I’m hoping that he understands that we’re not lying to him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He should come around in time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam nodded. “Do you want to say hi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam passed me the phone. “D-Dr Jo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-How are you?” I asked nervously, not sure what to say in this situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m good. How are you Brendon?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m okay.” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“May I ask why you seem so nervous and scared?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-” I looked down at my hands. “I-I don’t know!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright. Have you been behaving for Sam?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I think s-so?” I replied unsurely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. Do you think you’re getting any better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t k-know.” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well do you feel better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll feel b-better w-when I g-get Kaitlyn b-back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well hopefully that’ll be soon then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-Have you s-seen her?” I asked hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not recently no, sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can you do me a favour?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Depends. What is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can you g-go see K-Kaitlyn and t-tell her t-that I l-love her a-and I-I’m t-trying as h-hard as I can t-to get her back?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will if I can, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled “T-Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s the least I can do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I handed the phone back to Sam and focused my attention back on the pizza, trying to avoid the thoughts in my head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Give me a sec.” Sam stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright Brendon? You look pretty worried.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I want to g-go to bed now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Give me a sec.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry Jo, I’ll talk to you again soon. Goodbye.” Sam stated, hanging up the call. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned her attention back to me. “Let’s go Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I abandoned the cold pizza and walked down to my room, where I climbed into bed without another word. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want the lights on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yeah…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I’m going to wake you up for dinner if you aren’t up by then, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-Please don’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have to eat Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I just w-want to s-sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Go to sleep Brendon.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0057"><h2>57. Chapter 56- Where Even is Home?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>***** Kaitlyn’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, so antipsychotics twice a day, here’s the emergency and the puffer, and of course she needs to take her heart medication too. You understanding all this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman who was supposedly going to be my new foster Mom nodded. “Yes. All understood.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor nodded. “That should be all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo gave me one last hug. “See you tomorrow for therapy kiddo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-bye…” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grinned, probably because that was the first thing I’d said in days. “Bye kiddo. Be good for Rachel and Darren, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I-I’ll try…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Good. I’ll see you tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And with that, she gave me a final wave before leaving me with the two people I was supposedly going to live with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on kid, let’s go.” The man instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded, not wanting to get in trouble and tried to get out of the bed before I fell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman caught me and helped me to my feet. “All good. Let’s go, shall we? We can go out for dinner tonight if you’d like. What sort of food do you like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t respond, just gulped and started shuffling out of the room at a painfully slow pace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn? What’d you want to eat?” The man pushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped and craned my neck to see his face. He was probably taller than 6 foot, maybe even 7 foot. I felt my hands begin to shake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Leave her alone Darren.” The woman scolded. “She’s probably scared out of her mind right now with all that’s happened. She’ll open up in her own time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bowed my head in silence and remained like that the entire way ‘home’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The house was reasonably nice, with a reasonable sized backyard and a large living area. I didn’t find it as nice as the Urie house though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, this is it kid.” The man said, dropping my bag at the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded lightly and stood awkwardly at the door, not sure what to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman smiled. “Come on, I’ll show you to your room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She led me down the hall to a room down the other end of the house. It was simply furnished with a bed, a desk and a chest of drawers. She put my bags down and gave me a comforting smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The bathroom is across the hall there, and we’re just down the end if you need us. Do you need some help unpacking or do you want to do it yourself?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ll b-be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “That’s fine. I’ll be out in the kitchen with Darren. Come and see us when you’re done, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She got up and left me alone with my thoughts in this strange room. I unzipped my bag and fumbled around for my blanket, only to find it missing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what?” I panicked, my searching becoming more frantic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tipped the contents of the bag onto the bed, fumbling through them to find nothing except clothes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-where is it?”  I whispered, a few tears forming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything okay in there kid?” I heard Darren ask from outside the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah….I’m f-fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard his footsteps leave back towards the kitchen and I curled up in defeat. My blanket wasn’t here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After awhile, I heard light footsteps come closer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay in there Kaitlyn? Can I come in?” Rachel asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no…” I whimpered, answering both questions at once.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-I’m f-f-fine.” I managed to stammer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well can you come out here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-No…” I answered nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re making me worried Kaitlyn. What’s happening?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-Nothing…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s obviously something. You can trust me Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-” I struggled before falling silent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She opened the door and came in. “What’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I burst into tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk to me. What’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-” I struggled again, unable to form a response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to call Indigo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. I hadn’t even been here 10 minutes and I’d already had a meltdown. I didn’t want to bother her with my problems yet again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well talk to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-M-My-” I struggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your what? What’s going wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-M-My b-b-bl-bl-bl…” I stuttered, desperately trying to string words together as tears ran down my face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna call Indigo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed her wrist. “N-N-no…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to make sure you’re okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled and walked over to the desk, finding a small stack of post-it notes. My hands were shaking, and I wasn’t sure if my writing was even legible, but I desperately scrawled down the problem.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your blanket? Is it at the hospital or something?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t k-know!” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shhh, it’s okay. We’ll find it, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay…” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will you be alright without it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My hands were still shaking. “I-I d-d-don’t k-know…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Let’s go to the kitchen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nervously stepped away from the desk and followed Rachel back out to the kitchen. She poured me a glass of water and put it in front of me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hesitantly sipped the water and tried to avoid conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong with her?” Darren asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s n-nothing wrong w-with me…” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He scoffed. “Okay, fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry. I-I’ll j-just b-be quiet…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Darren, just cut her some slack. She’s going through a lot. What do you want to eat?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-nothing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have to eat Kaitlyn.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m not hungry.” I whimpered lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Says the kid with the eating disorder.” Darren added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m s-sorry...” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay sweetheart.” Rachel said. “But you have to eat, so, what will it be? We don’t have much in the house I’m afraid, so we’ll probably be going out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be okay, we’ll go to this really nice diner near here. Maybe after we can do some shopping, it is Thursday night after all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I silently nodded, though not feeling thrilled about the plans.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Well, go put something nice on and we’ll go.” Darren said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked down at what I was wearing. These were my nicest clothes. I gulped, not sure how to say anything due to fear I’d be in trouble again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Darren stared at me. “Are you going?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“U-Um….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go!” He demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I scrambled from the stool to the room I’d been allocated, and started fishing through the clothes, hoping to find something that might look the slightest bit more presentable than the clothes I was wearing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I then heard banging on the door. “Are you done?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“U-Uh…” I panicked, throwing on a sweater and hoping it made a difference.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He opened the door. “I thought I told you to change!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rachel walked up behind him. “Calm down Daz, she’s fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I curled up in the corner of the room, trying to get away from the man. “I-I d-don’t kn-know if I w-want to g-go out…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Darren ran his hands through his hair in frustration and opened his mouth to say something, but Rachel beat him to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was shaking now. “I-I’m s-scared…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you scared? What’s scaring you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-he’s g-going to h-hurt m-me…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who?” She asked. “Darren?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus.” Darren muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry!”  I cried. “P-please don’t h-hurt me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Darren, go wait out in the kitchen.” Rachel sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just do it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He muttered something to himself as he stormed out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m s-sorry I m-made him m-mad…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sweetheart, you don’t have to apologise. I know Daz comes across a little mean sometimes, but that’s just his way of showing that he cares. Why didn’t you get changed?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I d-didn’t h-have anything b-better to change into.” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you tell him that?” She asked, growing concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-because he w-was scaring m-me and I d-didn’t w-want to get in trouble…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Well, just wear that, I’ll talk to Daz, and we’ll go shopping after, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I m-miss mom and d-dad…” I stammered. “B-Brendon n-never y-yelled l-like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you must miss them sweetheart. I’m sorry we’re not the same as them, but we’ll try our best to make you feel welcome, mmkay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanna go home…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. But you can't. I'm sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My Mom didn’t even say goodbye. She j-just walked away…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “I know things must be really hard for you, but you've got to stay strong for me, okay? Let's go get some food and take our minds of things, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “O-okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave me an encouraging smile. “Keep your head up princess, your tiara is falling.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I forced a small smile. “I’ll try.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Let's go then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-don’t b-be sad if I don’t e-eat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have to eat Kaitlyn.” She said sternly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-Please don’t force me…” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won't as long as you try your hardest, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears were beginning to fall. “I-It’s hard…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rachel released she was upsetting me. “Okay, okay. No forcing tonight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but you’re still going to do it.” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not tonight. Let's just go out and have a good time. Come on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is Darren g-going to be there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He sort of has to. But don't worry, I'll talk to him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is h-he going to h-hurt me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rachel shook her head. “He'll never hurt you. Ever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-are you s-sure?” I stammered.”He s-seems to h-hate me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He doesn't hate you sweetheart. It was his idea to take you in.” She assured me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why did you t-take me in anyway? I-I’m s-so messed up.” I whimpered. “I-I like the w-worst child e-ever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We took you in because we care.” She said. “You're not a bad kid. I can see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-what if my d-dad t-takes me back? Can he d-do that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your Dad can take you back if he can prove he's stable enough to support you.” She explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>My previously light tears deepened. “I f-feel so bad for h-him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I know. Don't cry, let's go out. Let's go.” She said, walking out of the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m n-not going…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes you are. Come on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t w-want to. I j-just want to be home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed and put her hand in mine. “I'm sorry Kaitlyn, but this is your home now, okay? Let's go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “N-no. This isn’t home. It w-won’t ever be home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rachel looked hurt. “Come on, we're going now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head once again. “I’m going to try to go to sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It's 5pm. We're going out.” She said, grabbing my wrist and practically dragging me out of the room and to the car. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please no!” I begged. “J-just let me stay!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We're going out.” She said. “And we're going to have a good time, I promise. You'll thank me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I w-want to stay here. Please!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop being ungrateful!” Darren snapped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d rather be in a group home than here!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Rachel asked. “What are we doing wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you’re yelling and s-scaring me and d-dragging me o-out when I d-don’t feel comfortable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why aren't you comfortable going out?” Rachel asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-because I’m with strangers….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rachel sighed and sat me down on the couch. “We won't go out, okay? Instead, we're just going to talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t l-like talking…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well then Darren and I will talk. But tonight we're going to work on getting to know each other, so that way we're not strangers any more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to say something before clamping my mouth shut and just curling up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I guess I'll start then. My full name is Rachel Frankie Harriet Geraldton, and I’m thirty seven years old.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-my full name is K-Kaitlyn G-Grace Urie and I-I’m 14…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rachel smiled. “That's a pretty name.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I-It’s alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, my hobbies include painting, running and playing volleyball.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t really have a-any hobbies…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? There's not anything that you like to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Not really. E-everything reminds m-me of home and that m-makes me sad because I’m n-not there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where's your home Kaitlyn?” She asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s either G-Gerard’s house or the h-house m-mom and d-dad brought…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “What do you want to do when you grow up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Alive, that’d be a good start.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laughed. “Sounds like a plan. I'm a marketing consultant. I make ads.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool, I guess.” I murmured. “I-I’m going to bed…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want something to eat first?” She offered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Not really.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded uncertainly. “Alright Kaitlyn. Sleep well, I'll see you in the morning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wandered into my room without a response before I laid down and tried to get to sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Sarah’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you feel that bad about it, just go drop it back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “And face their faces when I tell them I’ve started over without them? No way Nicole.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You said Kaitlyn needs it. If she needs it, why do you still have it? She’ll forgive you eventually for leaving, you need to take her the blanket. She’s probably panicking without it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t really know how she is. I can’t face them. I can’t do it.” I stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’d you leave them anyway? It’s clear you miss them. Why don’t you go back? It seems like they need you Sarah. Yeah, it’s nice you can sustain a steady lifestyle without them, but you need your family. From a kids perspective, it honestly sucks when your family isn’t around. They need you Sarah, and you need them. It’s almost Christmas. Don’t make them spend it without you.” Nicole instructed. “Christmas without family always sucks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sound like you’re speaking from experience…” I noted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t turn this into something about me!” She rebutted. “This is about you Sarah. Why are you so hesitant to return to them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m still working out whether or not I like living alone. And I feel horrible for leaving them and the feeling just hasn’t subsided like I thought it would.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole sighed and drank some more coffee. “You’re just taking time to figure things out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “That’s it. I’m just taking some time for myself. I deserve that, don’t I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As far as I know, sure, but how long are you going to take?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That, I haven’t decided yet. As long as it takes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole sighed once again. “If you say so.” She murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to turn the conversation around. “How’d you go in the maths exam?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “Okay, I guess…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What does that mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m scraping through on passes Sarah.” She sighed. “I used to be a straight A student. All the looks I get from my teachers nowadays are disappointed ones.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well what happened?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Things happened Sarah. Things happened that I couldn’t control.” She answered, as if it was blatantly obvious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What sort of things?” I asked, growing concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Family things Sarah. That’s why I’m so envious of you, that’s why I’m begging for you to return.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So Kaitlyn’s grades won’t drop?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So Kaitlyn can have a better life than me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong with your life exactly?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I live in an apartment with my brother and the woman supposed to be our mother. I’m essentially the only person my brother has because my mother is off getting drunk and my father is god knows where. I have no time to study because I have to make sure the house is clean, make sure my brother is fed and make sure I actually get sleep in between it all.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, Nicole, I’m very sorry all that happened, and I want to help you as much as I can, but our situations are very different.” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll see what similarities there are. One parent is in a situation that makes them unable to be a good parental figure. You said your husband was in an institution. One parent has essentially run away. The children are left to their own devices with no sense of familiarity and are probably scared out of their minds because they don’t know what’s going to happen to them.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but Kaitlyn and Brendon have a good support network of friends at home who will look after them and help them.” I tried to argue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Both of them essentially had breakdowns after you left Sarah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-That’ll w-wear off….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know that. You don’t even really know if they’ve recovered.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Y-You don’t know what I-I’ve had to deal with Nicole.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not saying it wasn’t hard. It clearly was. It just seems like they need you Sarah. Like you were the only one keeping them afloat.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I wasn’t!” I exclaimed. “I was letting them fall! I was trying my hardest but they kept slipping out of my fingers!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And they only fell further when you left!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “See you later Nicole, I’m going home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Goodbye Sarah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shoved my hands in my pockets and walked across the hall to my apartment without another word. Her accusations and pleads were taunting me almost and nothing else seemed to matter. Once again I was trapped feeling like the worst person in the world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My eyes caught the pile of Brendon and Kaitlyn’s stuff. I started crying, only realising how much I missed them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was clear I’d messed up, but I still desperately wanted the alone thing to work. I thought back to Nicole and her family, how broken it was and how desperate she was for me to return to mine. The consuming guilt only got worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard her knock at the door. “Sarah, are you okay? I heard you crying. I’m sorry….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no...it’s okay.” I stated, looking back at the pile of items. “I’m f-fine.” My voice cracked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pushed the door open and entered, seemingly ignoring my previous statement. “What’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I m-miss them…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I imagine.” Nicole said. “What are you thinking?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t even kn-know.” I stammered. “A-A lot of th-things…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I  feel l-like I should go h-home but I can’t…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not? They’d be so glad to have you back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t kn-know if they’ll be there. K-Kaitlyn was in hospital and Brendon is away…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ask around!” She said. “Look, they’re your family Sarah. I’m sure you’ll find them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Sh-should I go now?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole smiled. “If you want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I considered for a moment. “D-Do you w-want to come?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then she paused. “I can’t leave my brother here…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m alright to take him if you want.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She swallowed. “I’ll meet you downstairs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright.” I stated. She left the room and I grabbed my keys before I walked out to the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was probably sitting in the car for about 20 minutes before Nicole emerged, holding the hands of a little boy about age 5. He was limping terribly, and Nicole seemed to be supporting most of his body weight as she helped him to the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are we good to go?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Yes, I think we are. Jaxon, can you say hi to Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-h-hi?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Hi Jaxon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole grinned. “Shall we get going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled out of the apartment block and started driving down towards the highway. I was halfway to Gerard’s house when I realised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nicole I’m kidnapping you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re under 18 and I took you from your house without your parents permission! Jesus!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I turned as soon as I could and started driving back, speeding slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah calm down, you’re not kidnapping us. We came because we wanted to.” Nicole said slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes but your parents don’t know that!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She scoffed. “Like they’d even care Sarah. Dad’s off probably doing drugs in some alleyway, and Mom’s probably at a bar. She’ll be glad she doesn’t have to sneak into the house at 1am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you absolutely sure?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Yep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” I bit my lip as I turned the car back around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next bit of the drive was driven in silence until I finally spoke up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nicole, if you know what your parents are doing is wrong, why haven’t you spoken to anybody about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I have no one to speak to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Friends at school? Teachers?” I suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m honoured you think I have friends and the teachers at my school are dreadful. They do absolutely nothing.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Child services?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How on earth am I supposed to contact them?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could call them, or I think they have a website, there’s heaps of ways.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well Mom broke the home phone when she was drunk one time and the internet bill hasn’t been paid in ages.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll tell you what, on the way home I’ll give you a ride to the child services building so you can report what’s going on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-Nikki I need t-t-the potty.” Jaxon spoke up from the back seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, can you stop somewhere with toilets please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Course.” I said as I pulled into a gas station.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole helped Jaxon out of the car and to the toilets with a bit of difficulty. I filled the car up with some gas and bought some drinks for the three of us while I waited for them to return.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once they returned and were seated, I handed them the drinks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry about that Sarah.” Nicole apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, it’s fine. Don’t be sorry.” I assured her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We continued on the drive and I pulled up at Gerard’s house. I sat in the driver's seat for a second, just thinking about the enormity of what I’d done.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hesitantly got out of the car and walked to the front door, contemplating the possibility he’d just tell me to leave. After a long internal conflict, I knocked on the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey answered the door first. I gulped, just staring at her for a moment as the guilt flooded into me. She stared back, before she threw her arms around my neck in a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew you’d be back girly! I knew it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was slightly surprised at her reaction. “I-I’m sorry I left…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She cupped my face in her hands. “I knew you’d be back. I knew it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Do you think Gerard will t-talk to me?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course! He’s been a bit down lately, but seeing you should reboost his spirits, come in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, um, I have guests in the car…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who are those kids and why are they here?” Lindsey asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-that’s Nicole and Jaxon. I-I made friends with Nicole while I was away. I-I’m going to take them to the child services branch out here since they’ve been having some parent problems.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey’s face fell, but she nodded. “Invite them in. I just made a big pot of mac and cheese.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and walked over to the car. “You guys can come in.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole nodded unsurely. “Are they okay with that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Lindsey said there’s some mac and cheese if you want some too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon smiled. “P-Please N-Nikki?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Alright. Let’s go Jaxon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked back to Lindsey as Nicole started helping her little brother out of the car and towards the house. Lindsey noticed the struggle and turned to me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um...what’s up with the little boy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nicole said he had cerebral palsy.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.”  She answered quietly. “Well come in. I’ll get Gerard out of his office.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Okay. Meet you in the dining room?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I led Nicole and Jaxon to the dining room, where they sat down on the chairs. Nicole was looking around at the drawings on the wall, almost in awe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re cool, huh?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah…” She mumbled. “Thank you for bringing us Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. I can’t imagine being cooped up in an apartment would be great.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It isn’t really….” She said. “So all the more reason to thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“AUNTY SARAH’S BACK!” I heard Bandit exclaim just before she tackled me in a hug from behind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hi Bee!” I stated, picking her up in a hug. “How have you been?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s Uncle Bren?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s just a bit busy. He’ll come back too. Don’t worry.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned to Nicole. “Who is this Aunty Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This Nicole. She’s my friend.”  I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole smiled. “I’m Nicole, and this is Jaxon. What’s your name?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My name’s Bandit!” She smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole grinned. “That’s a cool name. How old are you Bandit?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m 6!” She enthused, holding up 6 fingers. “How old are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m 15.” She smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s awesome!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m 6 t-too.” Jaxon said nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bandit grinned. “Do you like colouring?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“U-Um….” He stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about cartoons? Do you like cartoons?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “I-I do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s watch cartoons!” She suggested, running into the lounge room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-Nikki w-will you h-help me?” He asked sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I watched as Nicole helped him off the chair and to the lounge room. Bandit had turned the TV on to some cartoons and was sitting, watching them intently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole soon returned to the dining room. Lindsey and Gerard arrived not much longer. When Gerard first came in, he just stared at me before sitting down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-Hi….” I stammered nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi.” He replied simply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m s-sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you should be.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I kn-know. I-I’m a h-horrible m-mother and a h-horrible wife…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you aren’t the best but I wouldn’t say you’re horrible. How are you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-horrible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And why’s that?” He asked, slightly confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Because I-I’m a h-horrible p-parent who j-just abandoned their f-family….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t horrible Sarah. Not at all.” He tried to assure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-Well I am…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t. Anyway, where did your travels take you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I got an a-apartment.” I explained nervously. “I-I was pl-planning to stay there longer b-but the g-guilt w-was too much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to move back in with us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I-I’m paying r-rent and all, I-I just w-wanted to s-say sorry and a-ask if you k-knew where I could f-f-find my family.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well Brendon is finally out of solitary so you should be able to visit him. I think Sunday is visiting. Kaitlyn however, I’m not sure. She’s with a foster family. Maybe if you talk to Indigo she can help.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“F-Foster f-family?” I echoed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “I think she moved in with them yesterday.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “S-She must t-think I h-hate her…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I doubt she thinks that. She’s probably just confused.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She probably t-thinks that she d-drove me away. S-She a-always blames h-herself for t-these things…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I don’t know how to help. As I said, ask Indigo. She might know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded unsurely. “I guess I-I’ll have t-to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lunch time!” Lindsey said out of nowhere, walking to the kitchen and beginning to serve up some bowls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked into the kitchen and grabbed three bowls before taking them to the lounge room for the kids. I sat back down at the table and played with the pasta, not feeling hungry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole brought Jaxon back to the table and sat him down, much to my surprise. I thought it would just make more sense for him to eat with Bandit in the lounge. But that all got pushed aside when Nicole began hand feeding him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried not to stare, as did Lindsey and Gerard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The entire meal was spent in silence, many awkward, unknowing glares shooting across the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can I g-go to the toilet Nikki?” Jaxon asked hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure bud.” She replied, “Um...Lindsey? Was it? Um, can we use your bathroom?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Yeah, it’s just at the end of the hallway there.” Lindsey directed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole gave her a grateful smile as she helped Jaxon down the hall, leaving us to talk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What on earth was that?” Gerard asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nicole said he had cerebral palsy.” I explained. “He mustn’t be able to use his hands properly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh… That sucks.” He replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bit my lip and nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to get ready to go. It was nice talking to you guys though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey grabbed my arm. “Just stay a while, okay? You can’t see Brendon, it’s a Thursday, and we don’t know where Kaitlyn is. We haven’t seen you in weeks, just stay a while.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I already feel like a pain just coming here unannounced.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To be honest Sarah,” Lindsey said. “Seeing you was a blessing. At least we know you’re okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if you’d have cared if I wasn’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course we care Sarah! I’m your best friend!” Lindsey exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have literally tortured everyone around me Lindsey. I’m not someone you should care about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey wrapped me in a hug. “That’s a lie and you know it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not. I’ve made everything worse by doing one selfish thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, sure, it wasn’t the best thing to do.” Gerard said. “But it’s in the past now. And it’s what we do now that matters.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole returned alone, having dropped Jaxon off in the lounge room to watch more cartoons with Bandit. She pulled her own bowl of now-cold mac and cheese close to her and began eating silently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you want me to heat that up?” Lindsey asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole looked confused. “How would you do that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Microwave?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes went wide. “Do you have one?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey nodded. “Yeah, why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-That’s awesome!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure is.” She smiled</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked down at the bowl. “C-Can we?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” Lindsey took the bowl and put it into the microwave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole looked through the front glass the whole time, in awe of what was happening. When it beeped, she grinned and pulled out the steaming hot bowl.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey giggled. “No problem.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sat happily at the table and nommed away on the pasta.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nicole, I feel like we should talk about what just happened…” Gerard said nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What exactly are you referencing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your brother.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about him?” She asked, confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, do you always have to feed him like that?” Lindsey asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um...yeah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey gave her a sympathetic glance. “What else do you usually have to help him with?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um...well...everything really…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does anyone help you with him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mom does when she’s sober, but that’s quite rare, so not really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmmm. Okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole shifted around uncomfortably in her seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry if we’re making you uncomfortable.” Lindsey apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It's okay.” She said quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, do you have a father? Does he help you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He left just after he found out about Jaxon’s diagnosis. Haven't heard from him since.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s awful! How do you get time to do schoolwork then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I don't know. That's where all my free time goes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well Jaxon is very lucky he has you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blushed. “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We need to get this sorted out.” Gerard spoke up.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, Brendon wake up. It's dinner time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’ll stay here….” I groaned. “I’ll be fine….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. Come on.” Sam demanded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not hungry.” I murmured, blindly swatting at where I imagined Sam to be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon get up.” She told me firmly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going. Just let me stay.” I moaned into the pillow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. You are. Come on Brendon, we’ve got to go or you won’t be allowed to eat tonight at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fine. I’m not hungry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Get up Brendon. Now. Or else you’re going back to solitary.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no! Please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get up then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got up, shaking slightly at the thought of going back to solitary and bowed my head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam smiled. “Morning. Come on Bren, dinner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She led me out to the dining room, where I saw the same arrangements as last time. Sam gave me an encouraging smile and directed me to the buffet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was given food before I was essentially pushed towards the tables.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down next to the guy I sat next to last time, Josh, and silently began eating what had been given to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I couldn’t make my way into the conversation so I just sat in silence and played with the food I didn’t intend of eating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have an eating disorder too?” Josh asked as he turned to see me stirring the food around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Not as far as I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why aren’t you eating?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I’m just not hungry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suit yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned back to a group of other guys and I was once again seemingly alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dinner finished and everyone pooled into a lounge room, where one of the nurses was putting on some movie for us all to watch. There weren’t enough seats, so I sat down on the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The movie wasn’t particularly interesting, but there wasn’t much more going on so I simply waited it out and hoped something better was coming. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Half an hour to lights out!” One of the nurses called and everyone got up and left the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I’m not tired!” I rebutted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you shouldn’t have gone to sleep!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-But!” I tried to say. “Just let me s-stay up!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! Go to your room!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I’ll just be lying there!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then do that!” She beckoned. “I’m sick of you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears started falling as I raced out of the room and to my own, burying myself under the covers of the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon?” I heard Sam ask lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-Are you s-sick of me too?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no. Not at all. Why do you ask?” She questioned, sitting on the chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Because t-that’s w-what the o-other nurse s-said.” I blubbered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that other nurse is stupid. I don’t know why she’d ever say that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Because I d-didn’t w-want to go t-to bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All you had to do was go to your room Brendon. You didn’t argue with her, did you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“J-Just a l-little b-bit…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, make sure you try to avoid that in the future, okay?” She stated. “It’s only going to get you in trouble.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “O-Okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I technically have to turn the lights off in a few moments Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-No! P-Please!” I begged. “A-anything b-but t-that!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, that’s policy. I’m telling you now so it doesn’t freak you out when it happens.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-Please!” I cried. “P-Please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, there is nothing I can do. Please don’t have a breakdown right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Don’t t-t-turn the l-lights out!” I pleaded. “P-Please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I have to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I made a leap for her hand and dragged her away from the switch. “N-No!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, please. Lay down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-Not if y-you’re g-going to t-turn the l-lights out!” I panicked, still gripping her tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to, I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Then I-I’m not l-letting y-you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, don’t make this hard. It’s only going to end badly for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’ll end w-worse if y-you turn t-the lights o-out!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let go of me Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-No…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have to. You’ll get in trouble if someone sees what you’re doing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t c-care.” I said unconvincingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you and I both know you don’t want to go back into solitary. Go lie down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My lip began to tremble. “J-Just d-don’t t-turn the l-light off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled out her phone and put it on the flashlight setting. “Hold this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nervously grabbed it, still holding her tightly with my other arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned the light off and the phone lit up the area around us. “See? Go lie down, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m s-scared S-Sam…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, tell me why you’re scared.” She instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tucked my knees up to my chest. “B-Because of t-the dark. I-I can’t s-see what’s t-t-there, and I d-don’t know i-if I’m s-safe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m here Brendon.You don’t have to worry. How do you get to sleep when you’re at home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah w-was t-there….” I mumbled as another tear ran down my face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So did Sarah comfort you? Did she make you feel safe?” Sam asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah…” I mumbled. “Until s-she l-left.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Is there anyway I might be able to help you feel safer?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shuffled over on the bed. “C-Come s-sit with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t stay here all night though Brendon.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just f-for now.” I sniffled, resting my head on her shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you hate it here Brendon, but I promise you’re getting better. You’ll be home soon enough. I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> I sniffled. “O-Okay...:”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just hold on for us.” She whispered </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ll try.” I whispered back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt myself start to drift off. “Y-you won’t l-leave me l-like S-Sarah did, r-right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be here for as long as you need me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay…” I whispered, closing my eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sleep well Brendon” Was the last thing I heard before I fell into a deep slumber.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0058"><h2>58. Chapter 57 - Motherly Instinct</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>***** Kaitlyn’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why hello Kaitlyn. It’s good to see you again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t say anything, but continued looking at the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s still a bit shaken up after the sudden move.” Rachel said from behind me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. We’ll take it nice and easy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rachel gave me an unwanted hug. “Okay sweetheart, I’ll be back in an hour to come and get you. See you soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” I whispered and she left the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. What’s wrong kiddo? You seem miserable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just w-wanna g-g-go home…” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “I know, but we can’t do anything about that Kaitlyn. How are Rachel and Darren?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-the man i-is mean. H-He s-shouts.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I’ll see if I can talk to Rachel to stop that, alright? How’s the medicine been going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I took it b-but I t-threw u-up t-this m-morning s-so I d-don’t k-know if i-it’s still i-in me…” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’d you throw up? Did you force yourself to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-maybe…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Kaitlyn….You really need to try to keep it down kiddo. It’s really hurting you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “S-s-she was m-making m-me eat a-and I w-was s-struggling a-and I told her n-not to b-b-but she k-kept going s-so I t-threw u-up!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well try to make sure you eat something at least. I don’t want you throwing it all up. She needs to make sure you eat Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s making you really sick, not eating. The doctors were scared you were going to pass away because you hadn’t been eating the entire time you were in the hospital.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-well then t-t-they w-wouldn’t h-have to w-w-worry about m-me anymore…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, don’t think like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why not?” I questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because it’s scary kiddo. I feel horrible when you say that stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you s-shouldn’t…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I do. Please don’t ever think like that. I care about you too much kiddo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you s-shouldn’t. I-I’m not w-w-worth the e-effort.” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you think that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged, not giving a definite answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “You’re as stubborn as Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My ears perked up. “H-How i-is he?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“From what I heard, he’s getting better. He’s out of solitary, which means he can interact with more people now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can I s-see h-him?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “You’d have to ask Rachel to take you. Visiting is on Sundays though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-she w-won’t…” I mumbled glumly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What makes you think that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I annoy h-her.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Has she explicitly said that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t respond.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn?” She pushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grunted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you aren’t going to answer?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grunted again at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn?” She asked, growing concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I moved from my spot and went and sat behind the couch, out of her view.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing Kaitlyn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was silent as I began scratching my arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo came around the couch and pulled my arms away, toward her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was silent and I just stared down at my lap, avoiding eye contact.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, please talk to me.” She instructed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I...home….want….Sarah….Brendon….not…..shouting….” I managed to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry Kaitlyn, but you can’t go home. And-” Her speech was interrupted by knocking. She sighed. “Who is it and is it important?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, um, it can wait if you’re busy…” an oddly familiar voice responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Just come in.” She instructed. “Can you go sit down back on the couch kiddo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head and buried my face in my knees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door opened. “H-hello?” The voice whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi…” Indigo responded, a little startled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is this a bad time?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I curled up more and sat silently against the back of the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, um, perhaps not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“G-Gerard said you might know wh-where Kaitlyn is…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well currently she’s hiding behind that couch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? R-really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, this is her scheduled therapy time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, alright.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard footsteps draw closer to me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“K-Kaitlyn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked up and gasped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled me into a hug as I started crying. She started crying too, holding me tightly in her arms. I could only muster a single word.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-Mom!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-That’s right bub.” Sarah responded tearfully. “Mom’s here. A-and she’s never going to leave you again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-are you going to t-take me home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m working on that….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what?” I asked desperately. “N-no I w-wanna g-go home!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh...It’s okay. You will soon. There’s lots of paperwork and legal stuff though. I promise, I’m going to take you home soon.” She explained lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started crying. “B-But I-I just w-want to c-c-come home n-now!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know. You have to be a strong girl for me, okay? You will soon. I promise. I’ll sort it all out and we’ll be a family again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t w-want to g-go back t-to R-Rachel and D-Darren!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “W-why did y-you l-leave?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Because I was scared. A-And I realise h-how silly that is. I m-missed you guys too much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I m-missed you t-too…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That m-makes me so happy to h-hear that bub.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-where did y-you g-go?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-To the other side of the city…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, I hate to interrupt, but we sort of have to continue this therapy session…” Indigo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I-I’m so sorry! I-I’ll leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-You’ll c-come b-b-back for m-m-me, r-right?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be back as soon as I can bub.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave her one last hug before she left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well how do you feel now kiddo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A b-bit b-better…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-Are you g-going to m-make m-me go w-with R-Rachel and D-Darren?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have to unless they decide you can spend some time with Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-Please d-don’t m-make me g-go back!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry kiddo. It’s not my decision.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a sharp breath in and began tapping my index finger on the armrest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, is there anything else you want  to talk about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head and tapped faster.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” She asked, staring at my hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you’re g-going t-to s-send m-me back….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well let’s talk to them about it, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I went back to my spot behind the couch and started picking at the carpet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sprinted out of the room at top speed, running out of the building and into the nearby park. And then a voice started yelling at me from inside my head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I dropped to the ground and desperately covered my ears, hoping the voice would go away but it wouldn’t. If anything, it had gotten worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn! Kaitlyn kiddo, look at me. What’s going on?” I heard Indigo say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s…..Th-they’re screaming!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Okay. Let’s go inside so we can sort something out to stop that, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to nod but was rigid, frozen in fear and couldn’t move.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo lifted me to my feet and put her arm around me, helping my stumble back inside. She went through her cabinet and handed me some pills and a water bottle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After taking them, I curled up on the couch and faced the back of the seat as tears flowed down my face in pure terror.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was more knocking at the door. “I’m back sweetheart.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“G-Go away!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She entered the room and gasped at my current condition. “What’s going on Indigo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, she’s having a bit of a meltdown. Can you step outside for a moment?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rachel nodded, giving me a worried look before stepping outside and closing the door behind her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-they’re going to h-hurt me Indigo! I-I’m scared!” I sobbed into the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They can only hurt you if you let them. What are they saying?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-they’re t-telling me I-I sh-should be d-dead and th-that they are g-going to g-get me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, they’re not real. They can’t hurt you. They can’t get you. I promise.” Indigo assured, gently rubbing my back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but they’re t-talking to me, I-I can hear them. Th-they’re real!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, they’re not. It’s called an auditory delusion. They’re not real.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-they are. I-I promise! I-I can hear them!” I pleaded, growing more and more scared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I can’t. And neither can anybody else. You’re the only one who can hear them. You need to focus on me, not the voices. Because I’m real, and they’re not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-they’re s-so loud!” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, try not to think of them. Think of me. Just of me. Let’s talk about something else. What do you want to be when you grow up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started shaking in fear. I didn’t answer the question. Indigo’s voice was so hard to distinguish from the others and I didn’t know what to believe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grabbed my shoulders and forced me to look at her face. “Kaitlyn focus on me. Please kiddo, just focus on me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m trying!” I sobbed. “B-but i-it’s h-hard! I-I c-can barely distinguish b-between the v-voices anymore!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How many are there?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“L-lots…” I whimpered. “T-too many to c-count. Y-your’s j-just blends i-in.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo took a sharp breath in. “Would you be okay if I sedated you for the time being?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “P-please d-don’t…” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well then you really need to focus on me. Let’s talk about something cool. I’m going to tell you a story, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to give a light nod.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I took my dog to a doggy concert on Saturday night. I found out that there was one being held near me, and I thought It’d be cool to take Jakey down for some fun.” She chuckled slightly. “And we got there, and there were hundreds of puppies everywhere! It was so cool! And then I moved up near the stage with my dog, and then the band started playing, and they played ‘Who Let the Dogs out”! It was so funny!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo’s words were blurring together and the voices just got louder. Soon enough, I couldn’t tell what I was hearing. I was terrified and didn’t know what to do. I let out a loud scream and began shaking uncontrollably.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“SAVE ME! PLEASE!” I begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry about this kiddo.” Indigo said as she grabbed a syringe from her desk drawer. “But I think it needs to be done.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“HELP ME! PLEASE!” I pleaded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And with that, she pushed the needle into my arm and I felt the world fade to black.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Nicole’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay Nicole?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I, um, yeah.” I responded unconvincingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong bub?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just,” I whispered. “I-I’m scared t-that this isn’t going t-to go well. T-That they’re n-not going to b-believe me, or w-worse, t-they’re going to split m-me and Jaxon u-up…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have to try. For both of you. I doubt they’d split you up. They’d see how much he needs you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-Nikki w-why are you s-sad?” Jaxon asked from the back seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“J-Just big people stuff Jax. Don’t worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah pulled into the carpark next to the child services building. “Alright, here we go.” She said, getting out of the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know if I-I can d-do this Sarah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took my hand. “Of course you can. Nicole, this is your chance. Don’t let it slide out from under you. Come on, I’ll help Jaxon so you don’t have to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bit my lip before gaining the courage to walk into the building. The receptionist gave me an odd glance when I came in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are not light, are you?” I heard Sarah whisper to Jaxon as she carried him inside. He just giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I turned back to the receptionist. “I’m um...I’m here to make a complaint against my Mom…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that her there?” She asked, pointing to Sarah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-No that’s my neighbour. But t-that’s my little brother.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait...What’s your name?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nicole Jespar.” I said nervously. “And my brother is Jaxon Jespar.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, well, we already have had some complaints regarding your mother. Apparently other people in the apartment complex see her leaving really early and returning late, drunk, without ever seeing you two. Is that true?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah…” I mumbled, my cheeks turning red. “I-Is there somebody we n-need to see?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I’ll take you to him now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay, what a-about my brother?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He should come too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took him off of Sarah and followed the receptionist to an office. Sarah gave me a thumbs up as I walked inside to find a man sitting at the desk, tapping away on a computer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-hello?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked up. “Hello. Who are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m Nicole J-Jespar…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Nice to meet you Nicole Jespar. I’m assuming you’ve been sent to me because you have a complaint?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hesitantly nodded. “Th-that’s correct…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Well, sit down and we’ll get started.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I lifted Jaxon onto one of the chair, although as soon as I let go of him he began falling to one side due to his lack of balance. I caught him just before he fell, and sighed as I sat him on my lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this your brother?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “This is Jaxon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon grinned. “I’m s-six.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Who is your complaint regarding?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Our mother…” I said nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. What is the issue?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” I cleared my throat. “She’s never around. Um, she tells me that she works, and she leaves the house at like, 5am, and doesn’t come back until about 11 at night, often drunk or smelling of alcohol, and sometimes she brings strange men with her…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How often does this occur?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Every single day.” I stated blatantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know how we could potentially be able to contact her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She works at this travel agency, so you could try there, but to be honest I’m not even sure if she works there anymore.” I trailed off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, does she have a steady income?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “The bills are never paid. Our internet is gone, and we’re on the verge of our electricity and water being cut off too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So who takes care of you? Your father?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Our father walked out on us when Jaxon was diagnosed with cerebral palsy. I’m his main, well, only, caretaker. There’s nobody looking after us, other than maybe my neighbour who drove us here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. We’ll try to maintain contain with you and try to speak with your mother. Thank you for your time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-You’re just going to let us back there after all I-I’ve just told you?!” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s not much I can do. Do you have a relative you can stay with?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Can’t you put us in a foster home or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can try?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, can you do that please?” I asked, getting a little miffed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, okay. You’ll have to talk to somebody else though. Would you like me to take you there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes please.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He led us through the building and up to the next floor before he opened the door to another office. “There you go. Explain your situation to Mindy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thankfully the chairs in this office had arm rests so I was able to put Jaxon in his own chair. “Well, our mother is borderline neglectful and I was wondering if you could place us in a foster home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can try.” She stated. “What are your names?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nicole and Jaxon Jespar.” I told her. She tapped them into a computer and frowned at the results that came up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm…” She murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s seems to be a slight situation.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? What is it?!” I asked urgently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well only a few couples can actually be entrusted with a child with a situation quite like Jaxon’s and it appears the last of those have recently been occupied with a child with, well, mental issues.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-You can’t send us b-back!” I panicked. “P-Please! There’s g-got to be s-someone!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll find someone. Hmmm. Would you happen to know a Sarah Urie? It says she’s the mother of this child and yet the child is still with a foster family. If you can find her, that’d get you a family.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s sitting outside….” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you bring her in then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be right back Jax,” I told Jaxon, before I got up and found Sarah sitting outside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um...they want to speak to you.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why me?” She asked, confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Just, um, can you come?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess so.” She answered, getting up from her seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I led her back to the office and let her take the seat, and I sat down with Jaxon perched on my lap once again. I thought about how much lighter he used to be last year.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, why am I here?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you the mother of Kaitlyn Urie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, yes I am.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And is there a reason she isn’t in your care?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, um, well…. I sort of left…” She stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When was this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About two weeks ago. I returned today, and I saw her, but she hadn’t been returned to my care yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well these two lovely children require a home and it just so happens your daughter is occupying one of the couples who have actually proven they can raise a child with a condition quite like Jaxon’s.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh…” She trailed off. “What should I do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well if we can get the foster family in here, you should be able to take your daughter home and these two can live with the couple.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if they refuse?” I blurted out suddenly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If they refuse we keep going down the line until we find someone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if these two stay with me for now?” Sarah asked. “Until we can sort something out with the couple.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is a possibility. If they stay with you tonight, can you return tomorrow?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” I asked in disbelief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled at me. “I told you this would work out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thank you for your help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s g-going on?” Jaxon asked, a little confused at what was happening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re going on a little holiday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where?” He asked. “Can we go to Disneyland?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um...we’re going to stay with Sarah. We can’t go to Disneyland though. I’m sorry Jax.’” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “Next time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe Jax. Maybe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if that’s all, I suppose I’ll see you tomorrow then.” Mindy said, tapping something up and handing Sarah some paperwork to sign.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was grinning the entire way back to the car. Sarah took Jaxon again, and I was practically skipping.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you so much Sarah!” I exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine.” She smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We reached the car and I buckled Jaxon in before sitting in the passenger seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, we’re just staying with you for tonight?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I believe so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know who the other couple is?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I believe their names are Rachel and Darren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And they have Kaitlyn right now, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How was she today when you got to see her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>too</span>
  </em>
  <span> bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that’s good I guess.” I said. “Where are we going now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The apartment, unless you want to go to Lindsey’s house.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no, the apartment is fine.” I said. “Thank you again for all you’ve done for us. It’s honestly the best thing I could have hoped for.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s the least I could do. You finally managed to convince me to reunite with my family after all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled. “All I did was talk. You invited me and my brother to stay with you. You did the most here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. You guys deserve it after everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-Nikki I n-need to u-use the t-toilet…” Jaxon spoke up from the back seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah?” I prompted nervously, afraid I was asking too much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m um, this is the highway bud. Do you think you can hold on until I can get to the next gas station?” Sarah asked Jaxon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m n-not sure…”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Please Jax. Please just hold on. Please don’t pee in Sarah’s car….</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s the next stop Sarah?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gulped. “A good 10-15 minutes minimum.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh god….</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think you can hold on Jax?” I practically begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t kn-know N-Nikki. I-It’s pretty b-b-bad…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sped the car up a little so she was borderline speeding.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I then heard a small whimper from the backseat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry S-Sarah!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wanted to curl up and die of embarrassment, but Sarah seemed to keep a level head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay bud, I know you couldn’t help it. Let’s go get you some clean pants, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay...I-I’m s-s-sorry…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, it’s fine Jax. It’s fine.” Sarah assured him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He spent the rest of the drive with his head bowed down in shame.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah pulled into a department store and put a towel on the wet spot in the back seat, before carrying him inside and putting him in the seat of the shopping cart. I nervously trailed behind, not really sure how to help the situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so terribly sorry about this Sarah…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s absolutely fine. Stop worrying about it. It’s nothing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s something Sarah, and I’m really sorry.” I apologised again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Trust me, it’s fine. It’s a nice change from having to clean off my husband’s drunken vomit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno…” I mumbled. “I’ve done my Mom’s drunken vomit and Jax’s pee stains and Mom’s are certainly easier to clean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not easier when he goes out with his friends.” She sighed. “Or when he did…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-What are y-you t-two talking about?” Jaxon asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just some girly stuff Jax. Don’t worry.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded unsurely. “O-Okay N-Nikki…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah brought a pair of pants and we went to the parent’s bathroom to help him change.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon seemed a lot cheerier in the new pants, and Sarah put the old ones in a plastic bag to take home and wash.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay team. Back to the car!” She instructed cheerfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked the shopping cart back all the way to the car, for the sole reason of being able to push Jaxon instead of carry him. He was growing fast, and it was certainly making it harder for me to take care of him. I put him on the towel in case he had another accident and did the seat belt up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah and I got into the front and buckled up. “Are we good to go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep!” Jaxon enthused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled and started driving us back to the apartment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We got back as the sun was beginning to set and we headed up to the apartment. I almost walked back into my old one, before Sarah reminded me that I didn’t live there any more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sat us down for a dinner of spaghetti before tucking us into the guest bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Thank you S-Sarah.” Jaxon smiled as she pulled the blankets over him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled and tapped his nose. “No problem bub. You get some sleep, okay? It’s been a big day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He giggled lightly. “I-I’ll see you tomorrow!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you then Jaxon. Sleep tight, and don’t let the bedbugs bite!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His giggles subsided into a smile as I watched him fade into sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I followed Sarah back outside into the kitchen and pulled my homework out as she sat on her computer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked over to me. “Are you good? Do you understand it all?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um….yeah…” I said uncertainly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure? What is it? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just some science stuff.” I said, reading over the textbook page.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well if you need help I’m here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly. “Thank you Sarah. Not just for the homework, for everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s truly fine. I want to make sure you’re alright, and have the opportunity to improve. Mentally, and physically.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s honestly the most anybody has ever done for us.” I admitted. “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine.” She assured, getting up and wrapping me in a hug. “You deserve it Nicole.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled. “Thank you Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s truly no problem.” She stated.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should probably get back to this…” I giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” She smiled. “I should probably get back to my stuff too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you working on?” I asked as she sat back down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just money stuff. Lots of different things basically.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Do you want me to pay you back for the pants you bought Jaxon today?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I just don’t want to be a burden.” I gulped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t a burden at all. Don’t worry about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but as much as I love Jax, he sort of is…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “People can be like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “It used to be a lot easier when he was smaller and I could carry him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I imagine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what I’m going to do as he gets older though and I can’t even pull him along in that thing we do now….” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure it’ll work out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m getting tired.” She yawned, shutting down her laptop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just going to try and get this done, it’s due on Monday and I’ve barely started…” I said, looking over the textbook.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Goodnight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sleep well Sarah.” I waved goodbye.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Kaitlyn’s Point  Of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-Where are we going?” I asked Rachel nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just to the mall.” She explained. “Don’t look so nervous sweetheart, we’re going to have a good time!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-If you say so…” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, are you feeling better after what happened at therapy this morning?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know. I-I don’t remember much off i-it…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what do you remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I remember M-Mom being there. N-not anything a-after that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm?” She asked. “Your Mom was there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yeah. She c-came in the the m-middle of the session.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rachel didn’t look happy. “Was it planned or accidental?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I think it was accidental. Sh-she c-came to talk to Indigo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what did she say to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-We were t-talking about how we m-missed each other and th-then she s-said she was g-going to try and t-take me home, sh-she just had to s-sort out the l-legal stuff…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sweetheart, I just want to tell you now, that chances that you’ll go back with her are actually quite small. She did leave you, after all.” Rachel said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s still better than you.” I muttered under my breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn!” She scolded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry…” I stammered, becoming scared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rachel sighed. “What does she do that I don’t? Why don’t you like me? Or better, how can I make you like me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know. Sh-she just m-makes me f-feel nice and s-safe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do I not make you feel safe?” Rachel asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-Not really…” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?” She asked, getting slightly upset but doing her best to conceal it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-You and D-Darren k-keep y-yelling and s-scaring me and y-you keep dragging me o-out of the h-house even th-though that t-terrifies me…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve talked to Darren, he’s not going to shout anymore, and neither am I. And it’s not healthy to stay cooped up in the house, it’s not doing you any good. I’ll tell you what, after we’re done here we can go home and just watch some movies. How does that sound?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah’s favourite thing to do was watch movies…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rachel just sighed and kept driving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m s-sorry if I m-made you m-mad…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not mad Kaitlyn, I just worry about you…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why? I-I’m f-fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I’m just a bit worried that you’re putting all this hope into your Mom. Sweetheart, she’s not a suitable parent. I know she made you feel safe, and she helped you before, but right now, she’s not able to do that. I know it’s hard, but you’ve got to try and move on. I know I sound mean, but I’m only looking out for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-pull over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pushed the child lock on the door and kept driving. “I’m sorry Kaitlyn, I’m just trying to look out for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah would’ve pulled over. She would’ve respected my wishes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not Sarah. I’m sorry, I know that’s not what you want, but I’m trying to protect you. What do you want to do after I pull over?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re not going home yet, we need to go do the groceries.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.  My home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rachel sighed. “That’s not your home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes it is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” She said firmly. “It’s not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I silently pulled out my phone and started texting Indigo, frustrated at Rachel. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kaitlyn:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> I want to go home.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Indigo</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: What’s going on?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kaitlyn:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> She’s being mean to Sarah.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Indigo</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: What sort of things is she saying?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kaitlyn:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> That she’s not a good Mom.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Indigo</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Did she say that directly?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kaitlyn:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> She said she’s not a suitable parent.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Indigo</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Kaitlyn, kiddo, I know you don’t want to hear this, but she’s right.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kaitlyn:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> Thanks for being no help whatsoever.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Indigo</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: I’m sorry kiddo, but that’s the truth.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kaitlyn:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> I want a new therapist. One that actually does their job.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Indigo</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Kaitlyn, I am doing my job. You’re just saying that because you don’t want to face the truth.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kaitlyn:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> I’m saying that because you’re doing nothing to help me feel better.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Indigo</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: What do you want me to do then?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kaitlyn:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> I don’t know. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Indigo</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Well, if you come up with anything, tell me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, Kaitlyn, I know you’re angry at me right now, but please put the phone away and talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kaitlyn:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> I don’t want to be with her any longer.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“You remind me a bit of Darren at your age, actually.” Rachel mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kaitlyn:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> Please. Just get me out of here.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Indigo</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: I’m sorry, but I can’t.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kaitlyn:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> What if I have a breakdown? Would that get me out of here?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Indigo</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Don’t induce another breakdown Kaitlyn. Please. If you do that, that’s two in one day, and it’s straight back into hospital.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kaitlyn:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> At least Rachel isn’t in hospital.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Indigo</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: She’s still your legal guardian, so yes, she’ll still be there.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kaitlyn:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> What if you have to sedate me again? Then I’ll be asleep.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Indigo</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Kaitlyn I’m on the other side of town. If you induce another breakdown, you’ll be on your own. I won’t be able to make it back in time.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kaitlyn:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> Then what do I do Indigo? The voices are already back.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Indigo</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Rachel has your emergency medication. You’ll just have to talk to her.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kaitlyn:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> I’m not talking to her. I’ll just sit here.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Indigo</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Well, then I suppose you’re just going to have to deal with the voices yourself then.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kaitlyn:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> But it’s hard Indigo. It's not even just a whisper now. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kaitlyn:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> I didn’t think this through.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Indigo</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Talk to Rachel.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kaitlyn:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> I can’t!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Indigo</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Why not?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kaitlyn:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> Because I’m scared I’ve made her mad.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kaitlyn:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> She’s going to hate me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Indigo</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: She’ll be fine. She cares about you and doesn’t hate you at all. Just ask her if you can have some emergency medication.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kaitlyn:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> But she’s going to ask about it. I can’t tell her I basically induced this!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Indigo</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Kaitlyn, you either ask her, or you’re going to have to go through this alone without any help.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kaitlyn:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> I don't want to do either.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Indigo</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: I’m sorry, but there aren’t any other options.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“R-Rachel?” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah sweetheart?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Do y-you have th-the emergency m-medication?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In my purse there. Are you alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t respond and pulled the water bottle out of the bag, then the pills. “H-How much am I-I supposed to h-have?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Two of the pills.” She explained. “Do you want me to pull over so you can just have a minute?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s f-fine…” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at me with a worried expression. “Okay Kaitlyn. Just take them now before it gets too bad, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took the pills and downed them with water before curling up in the backseat. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kaitlyn:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> They’re still there. They haven’t left and I took the medication.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Indigo</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Give it some time to kick in.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kaitlyn:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> I don’t have time! It’s already bad. They’re starting to yell again.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Indigo</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>: Look, kiddo, I’m not able to get to you right now. Just take some big deep breaths, maybe turn some music on and focus on that until it kicks in.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can you p-put some m-music on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rachel nodded and turned the radio on. “Are you sure you’re okay? You look absolutely terrified.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t kn-know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled into the mall carpark. “Do you think you can come in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, let’s just sit here for a while.” She said, turning the car off, but leaving the radio on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-they’re r-really loud…” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is?” Rachel asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-the voices…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re hearing voices?” She questioned nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded glumly and stared down at my shaking hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What can I do to help?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-Nothing. I-Indigo c-can’t even h-help…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, do we just wait it out until the medication kicks in?” She asked. “I’m so sorry, I’ve never been in this situation before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I d-don’t know. S-sometimes the m-medication doesn’t h-help much…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it helping this time?” She asked hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I don’t th-think so. They j-just keep getting l-louder and angrier and sc-scarier.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What sort of things are they saying?” Rachel asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-that I-I should be d-dead and th-that they are g-going to f-find me and k-kill me.” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god…” She mumbled. “I’m so sorry you have to go through this sweetheart. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I brought my hands up to my ears, brought my knees to my chest and just cried, feeling helpless. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rachel pulled me into a hug, mumbling comforting things, but they seemed to get lost in the sea of voices surrounding me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I need Indigo b-but she s-said she c-couldn’t h-help and th-that she was too f-far away!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want me to do sweetheart? I can see if there’s somebody around here who can help…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I DON’T KNOW! I JUST NEED HELP!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rachel put the car back in drive and went back onto the main road while I sobbed in utter desperation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-save me! Please!” I pleaded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re at the hospital. Come on, let’s get you inside.” Rachel said as she pulled into a car park.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wanted to move but I found myself frozen, and completely exposed to the voices. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rachel lifted me up and rushed me inside, where a crowd of people were staring at me as I cried desperately for help.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We were led into a room and Rachel put me down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t h-hurt me!” I begged, unsure as to who I was talking to anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re not going to hurt you.” I heard somebody say. “I’m a psychiatrist.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What a-are you g-going to d-do to m-me?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re just going to talk.” He said gently. “That’s all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “No more talking! Please! I don’t want to hear anymore!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here. These are some stronger pills. They’re going to take all the voices away, you just need to take these.” He said, handing me some blue pills.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took them without hesitation and curled up on the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slowly, the voices began to fade, and everything around me because a bit more clear so I was able to take note of my surroundings. The room was different to the other’s I’d stayed in, with a normal bed instead of a hospital one and a desk to sit at too. There was a shelf on the wall, and the floors were carpeted instead of being vinyl.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-where am I-I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re just at the Saint Joseph Adolescent Mental Facility. It’s alright. You’re going to be okay.” The man tried to assure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I rubbed my eye. “H-How d-did I get h-here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ambulance. Do you not remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Not at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Well, you’re just going to be staying here with us for a while so we can help you with what’s going on in your mind.” He said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is it scary here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “Not at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-what’s going to happen?” I asked, becoming nervous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re just going to stay with us until you’re stable enough to go home. That’s all. While you’re here we’ll be doing a lot of therapy and group therapy to help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t l-like strangers…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I can’t promise there won’t be strangers, but we’re all here to help you get better. That’s the only reason you’re here. As soon as you’re better, you can go home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I curled up. “I a-already d-don’t like it here…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’s that Kaitlyn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-cause it’s a n-nuthouse…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not a nuthouse Kaitlyn. This is a center to help you get better. The nuthouse is about a kilometre down the road.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At l-least then i-it’ll be easier wh-when you have to sh-ship me there…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, the nuthouse is for the criminally insane. You’re neither of those. You won’t be sent there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-ll j-just stay h-here forever then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll get better Kaitlyn. You’re only here until then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to get better! Everyone has been trying and nothing has worked!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will.” He assured me. “We won’t stop trying until you do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-it’s going to b-be forever!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s not.” The man assured. “It’ll only be for a short time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m insane! Just g-give up on m-me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re not giving up on you. If we had, then you wouldn’t be here. But so many people care about you and want you to get better, so you’re here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s too much wrong for you to try to fix.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not true Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is. You probably don’t know half of what’s wrong with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Also not true. We know exactly what to do, and we’ve worked out a treatment plan for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you going to make me do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, for starters, we’re going to introduce you to the fellow patients here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-Please, n-no…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re quite lovely kids, you don’t have to be scared.” The man tried to soothe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Don’t m-make me t-talk to th-them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, let’s just go say hi. Whether you make conversation after that is your choice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please!” I begged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you can stay in here for a bit longer if you want, but it’s inevitable that you speak to them eventually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want anymore people! One is enough!” I pleaded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why does the thought of seeing people scare you?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-they g-going to j-judge me and th-they’ll h-hate me and p-pick on me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, they’re in the exact same position as you, so they won’t judge. And I assure you, they’re nice kids, they’re not going to hate you and they’re certainly not going to pick on you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They are! P-Please don’t make me t-talk to them!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, how about we start with introducing them one at a time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-Please, just no!” I panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You won’t have to speak to them today. Today you can just settle in, but tomorrow we start.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please! I’ll st-stay in h-here if I have to!” I pleaded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, take some time to get settled in. Here’s your bag, your Mom brought you some things. Tomorrow is visitors day, so you can see them then and they can explain things to you a little better, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-which Mom?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um...Rachel. Sarah was here too, and she left you a blanket.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I j-just w-want the blanket.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll leave you both, considering that you’ll need to wear the clothes Rachel brought.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do know that only one of them is my Mom, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But only one of them is your legal guardian.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t care. Sarah is my mother.” I stated firmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “Alright, Sarah is your Mom. That’s okay. I just have to give you the clothes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can I see Mom?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tomorrow you can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” I murmured. “Wh-why do I need to t-talk to the other p-people?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, considering that you’re going to have to in group, it normally helps if you get to know them a bit first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was shaking slightly at the thought of group therapy. “I-I don’t w-want to go.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s pizza afterwards.” He tried to convince.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The shaking got worse. “P-please…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, right now, just worry about settling in here. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t!  You brought it up! N-Now I’m panicking!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, calm down. Take a deep breath.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to but I can’t!” I panicked, my breathing becoming slightly laboured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled a puffer from his band and held it to my lips, giving me a few puffs to unblock my airways.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine Kaitlyn. I’ll be down the hall in my office if you need me. There are a few other psychologists around also, so just come find someone if you need any help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-why are you l-leaving?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I have to. I can’t sit around in here all day. I have other patients to see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh….right….” I moped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckled. “Just take some time to settle in. I’ll come back and check on you in half an hour.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” I replied. “W-what should I d-do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, unpack.” He said, pointing to the bags.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you soon Kaitlyn.” He said, before leaving the room.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0059"><h2>59. Chapter 58 - Home Is Not Where The Heart Is, But Where It Wants To Be</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon? Come on. You have to come out for breakfast.” Sam stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned. “Just let me sleep!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve already let you sleep in. Come on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled the pillow over my head. “Go wake someone else up!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, Brendon. You’re the last one asleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned. “Why do I have to get up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you have therapy in about 10 minutes, so if you want breakfast you have to go now.” She stated. “I shouldn’t have to do this every morning Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and got out of bed. “Can I shower first?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine. It has to be quick.” She said, becoming frustrated,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed some clothes and walked down to the showers, becoming annoyed at the cold water and lack of pressure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a while, a male nurse walked into the showers. “You have to get out now.” He instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I scrambled for a towel. “Privacy?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry Mr Urie. Your therapist requested I retrieve you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be there in a second.” I snapped, reaching for my underpants.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be waiting outside.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stupid doctors.” I muttered to myself as I pulled on my clothes for the day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a knock on the door. “Mr Urie, she’s waiting.” The doctor reminded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked outside and purposely flicked him with water from my hair. “Fine. Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He silently lead me to the offices and opened the door to one, almost pushing me inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello Brendon. Please sit down.” A therapist said, gesturing to a couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I flopped into a seat. “Better?” I sneered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and flicked through some loose papers, before looking up at me. “I suppose I should introduce myself. My name is Dr Maria Drobova, and I’m your psychiatrist.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’m Brendon Urie, a very frustrated patient who wants this over. Can we start?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She chuckled slightly. “We can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.” I muttered, sinking into the chair, assuming I was to be here for awhile. “What do you want me to talk about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s talk about Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh.” I groaned. “Something else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” She stated firmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine. What do you want to know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling about the breakup?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not a breakup…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. What would you call it?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I went silent. “Not a breakup.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so.” She sighed. “How do you feel about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely marvellous.” I sneered. “How the hell do you think I feel?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, please. I’m trying to help you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not doing a very good job.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe it’s just because you’re rejecting it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever.” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, how do you feel? Sad? Angry?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like all negative emotions all rolled into one.” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Is it still as bad as when it first happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m not crying on the side of the road anymore…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take that as a no then. What about the Kaitlyn situation?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m a horrible f-father…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t Brendon. Why do you think that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I’m not stable enough to be her father! The state thinks she’s better off with a bunch of strangers than with me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s only temporary Brendon. And it’s not your fault this hiccup occurred. You just need to work through it now and then you’ll be with her again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you’re doing a great job of improving. I doubt it’ll be much longer until you’re back to her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just want to go home.” I whispered, tucking my knees up to my chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will you let me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t right now, no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “Fine. Whatever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I curled up on the couch and attempted to flick more hair water at her, but my hair was already dry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You already hate me, don’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Of course you do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I go now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, not really.” She murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Well then hurry up and finish so I can!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t just finish. We have to wait for the allocated time slot to be over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I just got up from the seat and walked out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She walked up behind me. “Where do you intend on going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Home.” I stated simply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t actually able to leave the facility.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Too bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You physically can’t leave the facility without a staff card Brendon. The only way out is through the front entrance and there is no way for you to get there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll find a way.” I said nonchalantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you want to leave so much?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I want to go home to be with my family.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your family isn’t there though Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not true.” I stated, trying to ignore her words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure you want to leave?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She handed me a card. “Be glad I hate both you and my job.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Sam’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I knocked on Maria’s door to retrieve Brendon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who is it?” She called. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s Sam. I’m here for Brendon.” I explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She opened the door. “I haven’t seen him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jason dropped him off here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did he? He didn’t come in.” She stated, confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, he’s not in his room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s not far he could’ve went. I’ll help you find him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” I said. “I’ll take the west wing, you take the right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>----------------------------------------------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I’d been looking around for a half hour and still hadn’t found a trace of him. I asked other doctors around the area if they’d seen him but most of them had no clue who he was, so that didn’t help.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked to the security room and began watching the security footage, hoping to found out where he was. I thought I’d seen him walking toward the front entrance, but quickly dismissed that thought after realising there was no reason for him to be there.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It seems an escape has occurred. We are looking into it now. Please remain calm.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon had escaped. The thought ran through my head several times before everything clicked. I found the footage of him walking towards reception, and studied it closely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that Dr Maria?” I mumbled, looking at the woman who had given him a staff card.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My god…” I muttered, storming out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I soon found Maria and was in a fit of rage. “What the hell did you do!?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who me?” She asked innocently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes you! You gave him your staff card!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Why would I do such a thing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know! You tell me!” I demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t do anything!” She defended.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes you did! It’s on the footage! Stop acting like you are innocent!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It must be a lookalike.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you didn’t do it.” I growled. “Show me your staff card”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not on me. It’s in my locker.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That's another lie! You can’t get into the offices without it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jason let me in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I ask him, will he tell me that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can, but he's on break right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to the break room.” I said, storming away from her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I opened the door, and sure enough, Jason was sitting down eating a sandwich. “Did you let Maria in this morning?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “She had to let me in since I left my card here yesterday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That lying little….” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was the one who gave Brendon the staff card so he could escape.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh….” He murmured. “I see why you’re mad now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to try and find Brendon.” I said, before leaving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was far from the facility now. I drove around the block twice now and he was nowhere to be seen. I tried down the street, toward the city centre and he wasn’t there either, not that it was easy to see through all the people.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dammit Brendon, where are you?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***** </span>
  <b>Gerard’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bandit! Seriously, slow down!” I panted, trying to chase Bandit around the park so I could take her home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Catch me Daddy!” She giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t Bee. I’m exhausted. I told you we could only stay for a little bit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aww!” She complained. “We only just got here!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have to go home Bee. Mom’s making homemade pizza and we need to make sure it’s not cold when we get there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That seemed to cheer her up. “Okay!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want a piggy back ride?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yup!” She giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heaved her onto my back and we started walking down the pavement, towards the house. As we were walking, I passed by a familiar face. “Oh, hi Brendon.” I greeted, before the realisation set in. “Brendon!?” I exclaimed, almost dropping Bandit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled. “Hey Gee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uncle Brendon’s back!” Bandit enthused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you </span>
  <em>
    <span>doing </span>
  </em>
  <span>here?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Enjoying freedom, why? You live in a very pretty neighbourhood, by the way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t been told that you’ve been released yet…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that would make sense. It’s be odd if they had said such things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you do Brendon?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing…” He answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, tell me what happened.” I demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That isn’t important. I’m back. That’s what matters.” He said unsurely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Brendon. How did you get out of that place?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got help…” He stammered nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. We’re going home, and you’re going to tell me the whole story.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay…” He mumbled as he walked alongside us silently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will you play with me when we get home Uncle Bren?” Bandit asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll have to see.” He answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I drove everyone home and led Brendon to my studio, locking the door so nobody else could hear the conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me what happened Brendon.” I demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My therapist gave a me a staff key so I could leave…” He murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And was she allowed to do that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus Brendon!” I exclaimed. “You just escaped from a bloody mental institution!”</span>
</p><p><span>“I’m sorry…?” </span> <span>He offered sheepishly.</span></p><p>
  <span>“Far out! Brendon they’re going to launch a massive search for you! The police are probably going to be involved! You’re going to be in massive trouble for this! Christ, I’m going to be in massive trouble for this!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just wanted to b-be home…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No Brendon. You wanted everything to be like it was before when you were happy with Sarah and Kaitlyn. What did you expect? That they’d be here when you came out?! Newsflash! Brendon, they’re not here! The ‘Home’ you want to be at, it doesn’t exist!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you get a perfect life Gerard!? That’s all I want!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nobodies life is perfect Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine. Why the hell does nothing go wrong for you?! Why am I burdened with all of this?!” He accused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know Brendon!’ I snapped. “I don’t want you going through it either! You're my friend and I care about you! But you are, and we have to deal with that!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What am I supposed to do?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get in the car.” I demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He walked out of the house and to the car before he silently got in.  I got in the driver's seat and slammed the door closed, before locking all the doors and pulling out of the driveway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” He murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “It’s fine. Time to right the wrong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The entire drive was spent in silence until we reached the facility. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go.” I instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon followed me inside and we walked up to the reception desk. Before we got there, a doctor ran over to Brendon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where the hell did you go!?” She yelled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He curled up slightly. “N-Nowhere, r-really…” He stuttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “You’re useless. Who’s this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“G-Gerard…” He answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for bringing him here Gerard. You can leave.” She instructed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye Brendon. Please, just stay and let yourself get better okay?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled me in for a hug. “I-I’ll try Gerard. B-bye.” He replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye Brendon.” I said, patting his back. “I’ll be here on Sunday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay…” He sniffled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I waved goodbye and started on my journey home.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re an idiot Brendon.” Sam scolded. “Why the hell did you run away?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I m-missed home…” I sniffled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well luckily you just love solitary.” She stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m n-not going b-back there, am I-I?” I stammered, scared of the prospect.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you literally just ran away. Yes you’re going back to solitary.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please! A-Anything b-but that!” I pleaded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You abused your privileges Brendon.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-Please don’t m-make me go…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Too bad. I’m sorry, but this is the way it has to be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bowed my head as she led me back to the room in solitary.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s worse than I remember…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you did run away Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. It wasn’t that big of a deal though.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam sat me down on the bed. “Brendon, you are in a mental institution for two reasons. One, to protect you from society. And two, to protect society from you. When you go out, everybody is in danger. You’re here so you can get better so you no longer have the danger around you. Running away is not going to speed that process up, in fact it will slow it down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not crazy though, and I don’t need to be here. Nothing bad happened when I went out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was only a matter of time Brendon. You’re not better yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine. It’s not like I’m going to bash people up if I go outside.” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You might. You’re not emotionally stable enough yet for us to be certain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not hurting you in anyway right now.” I observed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s because you’re not triggered.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could probably find something to trigger me. But seriously, I’m fine. I’ll be fine. I don’t have to be here anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you do. You couldn’t even hold together at group. Once you can do that and open up, then you can go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not my fault you stuck me in a room of things you should have known would set me off!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I put you in group to help you get better. And if you keep threatening me than I’ll leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not my fault though! You have to see that! It’s obvious!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so Brendon.” She stated, leaving the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Sarah’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Pancakes are ready!” I said as I flipped the final pancake off the pan and onto the plate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awesome!” Jaxon giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole yawned. “Thanks Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I handed her a plate. “How late did you stay up last night?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She yawned again. “Um...I finished the assignment around 1:30, but then I couldn’t sleep, and I think I was awake until about, maybe, 4?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you usually stay up late?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only when I’ve got homework to do.” She said, reaching for Jaxon’s plate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shooed her hand away. “You eat. I’ve got this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?” .</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I’m sure I can handle it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good luck.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down next to Jaxon and cut the pancakes up, before spooning them into his mouth. He didn’t seem to be embarrassed at all by the whole ordeal, probably because he was so used to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what did we have to do today?” Nicole asked, rubbing her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we have to go back to child services this afternoon, but I decided it might be nice to let you two choose what you want to do this morning.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to Jaxon?” She asked without thinking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Disneyland?” He asked hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t have the money to go Jax.” She stated sleepily. “Anything else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nicole you look like you need to go back to bed.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t.” She tried to convince. “I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you really?” I asked. “Your eyes are bloodshot red.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just need some coffee…” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on. You’re going back to bed.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no, I gotta take care of Jax.” She said drowsily, pulling away from me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can take care of him. You need sleep.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine, I promise!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t, and that’s okay. We have time. You can sleep.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-But!” She tried to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No buts. Come on, into bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“F-fine.” She stated, shuffling to the bedroom. She flopped onto the bed, and after a bit of shuffling, fell asleep,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled slightly and walked back out to Jaxon. “Well I guess it’s just you and me then bud.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are we going to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. What do you want to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “I’m not sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we probably shouldn’t leave your big sister here by herself, so is there anything that you want to do that’s in the house?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” He answered, looking around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what are some things that you like to do normally?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked sort of upset. “I-I normally o-only watch TV b-because t-that’s a-all I c-can really d-do…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well let’s find something you can do.” I suggested, picking him up and resting him on my hip. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He rested his head on my shoulder. “Y-you probably w-won’t find a-anything…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t e-even sit u-up by m-myself, let a-alone do a-anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jax, you’re only 6. Why are you thinking like this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked down and sniffled. “B-Because t-that’s what M-Mommy t-tells me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and put him down on the kitchen bench, but still holding him upright so he wouldn’t fall. “Your Mommy was wrong. You’re so strong and brave and you can do anything, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“R-really?” He asked, his eyes lighting up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep. I know it.” I grinned. “So what do you want to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can we make cookies?” He asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Of course we can! What sort of cookies do you want to make?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um….Chocolate chip!” He smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good. Do you want to come with me so I can do the shopping so we can get the ingredients?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wouldn’t I just make it harder?” He asked, seemingly baffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I think the company will make it easier.” I grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay!” He enthused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I left Nicole a note on the counter in case she woke up, and carried Jaxon downstairs to the car. We drove to the grocery store and I sat him in the shopping cart where he wouldn’t fall over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah?” He asked, trying to get my attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” I replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we make a, like a really big cookie for Nikki?” He asked. “Like </span>
  <em>
    <span>thiiiiiiiis </span>
  </em>
  <span>big?” He asked, holding his hands up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I laughed. “Maybe not </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>big, but we can certainly make her a really big cookie. And we can put icing on it too!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He giggled. “Okay!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, what sort of chocolate chips to you want to put in the cookies?” I asked when we reached the baking isle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um…..what ones are there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we’ve got milk chocolate chips, dark chocolate chips or white chocolate chips.” I said, holding the three bags up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ummmm…….Those ones!” He said, taking the bag of white chocolate chips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Good choice.” and threw them in the cart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nikki once said she liked white chocolate. That’s why I chose them!” He smiled</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really care about your sister, huh?” I asked with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. She always helps me since Mommy is always busy.” He explained. “And she’s super nice!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She is, isn’t she?” I agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just like you!” He smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled. “Thank you Jaxon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem!” He grinned. “Can I hold something Sarah?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure! What do you want to hold?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “Something that won’t break if I accidentally drop it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I handed him the chocolate chips, and noticed his intense concentration on making sure that he didn’t let go of them. His little hands were shaking, and I could tell his was nervous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You all good Jax?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah…” He answered, still concentrated on his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think so….” He mumbled before he dropped the packet. He stared at it on the floor. His face fell completely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bent down and picked it up. “All good Jax. Don’t worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He then just lightly placed it into the trolley without another word.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong bud?” I asked, growing concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “N-nothing…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bent down slightly so we were eye to eye. “What’s wrong Jaxon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dropped it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So?” I asked. “That’s not a bad thing, I don’t mind at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m a bad helper.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No you’re not! You make it so much more fun!” I assured him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good helpers don’t drop packets!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jax, buddy, it’s okay. You’re a good helper, I promise. Just because you dropped one packet doesn’t mean you're bad!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I can’t hold anything! I’m useless!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not useless Jaxon, you’re really not.” I tried to tell him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we go back?” He whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go pay for the groceries and then we can go make our cookies, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if I want to make cookies. I’m just going to mess that up too!” He cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled him into a hug. “You’re not going to mess it up Jaxon, I promise. We’re just going to have some fun, okay? And then we can make Nikki a really big cookie and you can give it to her!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” He sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good boy. Now, let’s go to the checkouts.” I smiled, ruffling up his hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat in the trolley and talked to the cashier as I put the items onto the bench.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And we’re going to make my big sister a reaaaaaaaaaallly big cookie! Like Thiiiiiiis big!” He giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The cashier smiled. “I’m sure she’ll love it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After I’d paid for the groceries we went home and I grabbed the bowls out so we could start making the cookies. I’d sat Jaxon over on the bench against the wall so he wouldn’t fall over, and he seemed pretty content holding the spoon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you like cookies Sarah?” He asked, waving the spoon around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do.” I nodded, pouring the butter over the flour and holding the bowl out. “Do you want to stir it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “You can.” He said, handing me the spoon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aw, come on Jax! You can do it!” I encouraged, putting his hands in the right spots and starting to help him. As time went on, I used less and less of my own strength, and eventually Jaxon was doing it on his own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There! Done!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grinned. “I told you you could do it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you did most of it…” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No I didn’t!” I told him. “I let go and you did it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked down at his hands. “R-really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Yep. Really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do we get to make the big cookie yet?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled the dough out and rolled it out, handing Jaxon a cookie cutter. “Let’s make some little ones first, and then we can make some big ones. So what you do is you take the shape that you want to make,” I lifted a heart from the piles, “And you push it into the dough like that, and then just lift it up again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “It is. Let’s make some then! What shape do you want to make?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled out a star cookie cutter. “Stars!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good choice. So just pick a spot, and press it down like that, okay?” I asked, giving him another example with the heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pushed the cookie cutter into the dough then looked to me for what to do next.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good job! So then we just pick it up again and then we can make more!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lifted the cookie cutter up and was amazed when the shape came out. He placed the star next to the hearts I had made before he started making more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stood back and watched as he made the cookies, his eyes lighting up every time he made one. He seemed so proud of himself, and so happy that he was able to </span>
  <em>
    <span>do </span>
  </em>
  <span>something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think that’s enough stars.” He mumbled to himself before pulling out another cookie cutter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What shape are you going to make now?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He giggled and lifted up the dinosaur. “Rawr!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Rawr.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He filled the rest of the dough up with dinosaurs until there wasn’t any more space. “What now Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We gather all of these extra bits and make some big cookies.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He giggled. “One for Nikki and one for you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you want a big cookie too?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He considered. “Okay!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bunched the rest of the dough up and broke it into three sections, before handing one to Jaxon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so what you do, you shape this dough into a ball,” I started, messing with another section until it was ball like. “Then you press it onto the paper and flatten it out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at the dough in his hands and I watched as he started to try and roll it, only to drop the dough into his lap. Getting frustrated, he attempted to pick it back up, only for it to slide out of his grip again and again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look,” I said, grabbing a small piece of dough. “You can roll it on the bench too!” I explained, showing him how to roll it around on the bench.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded and started rolling it along the bench, only for it to roll too far, and in his attempt to grab it, he fell flat on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright?” I asked, bending down to look at his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sniffled. “Y-you can r-r-roll it…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Do you want a hug?” I asked, holding my arms out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah…” He mumbled, holding his arms out too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled him in close and rocked him lightly. “Did you hurt yourself?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-my h-head h-hurts.” He whimpered, burying his face in my shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be okay.” I vowed, holding him close to me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah?” He asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-Will you be my Mom?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure Jaxon. We’ll have to see, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sniffled. “I-If you d-don’t want t-to you can t-tell me. I-I’ll u-understand…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really do Jax. I’d love to be your Mom. But it’s not as simple as just saying that. We have to talk to lots of people.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“L-Like the p-people we s-saw yesterday?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Mhmm. And then you’ll probably want me to take care of Nikki too, which might mean, if I get my daughter back, they’ll be three kids.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I d-didn’t know y-you had a d-daughter…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. There’s been some stuff going on with her. I think she’d love you though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-What’s her n-name?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn.” I answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is she big like Nikki or small like me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s big like Nikki.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grinned. “Cool.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>**** Kaitlyn’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re back…” I stammered as he closed the door behind him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Yes, I am. How are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded in understanding. “How are you finding the room?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “It sucks, but it’s alright, I guess.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He walked over to the desk and picked up the book I’d been drawing in. “What have you been working on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing!” I stated, pulling the book away from him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll respect your privacy.” He nodded, putting the book down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still don’t want to talk to everyone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’m not making you today.” He said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do I have to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because they’re an important part of the recovery process.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But if I feel terribly anxious at the thought, how does that help?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t run from your problems Kaitlyn, we’re here to help you overcome them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know I shouldn’t be scared but it’s still scary. I’m not ready to overcome that. It’s just that horrible feeling that just resides within me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we’re going to help you overcome that. Anyway, it’s time for your first therapy session.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Delightful.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So if you’ll just come with me, I’ll show you the way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I silently got up from my seated position and followed him out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He led me down a few corridors until we reached an office. He knocked slightly, before a familiar face opened the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Kiddo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Indigo?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s right.” She grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so glad you're here!” I smiled, hugging her. “I thought I’d have to explain everything to a complete stranger!” I then realised what I was doing and pulled away from the hug. My cheeks were flushed red with embarrassment. “I-I’m sorry…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She chuckled and pulled me back into the hug. “It’s fine Kiddo. It’s good to see you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor left and Indigo led me into her office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, we should probably start with how you’re feeling.” She said as she sat down on the seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I honestly don’t know. Confused, scared, anxious, relieved?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wrote them down. “Well, let’s start. Why are you confused?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m still getting used to this place. It’s all very new and odd.” I explained. “And I also remember very little of what happened directly before I came here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” she said, “I can assure you that you have nothing to worry about here. This is the best place to be sent to, and I know. I've been at most of them, and this is the best.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay, I guess. I don’t know if that helps.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As for what you can't remember, do you want me to clarify?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um...o-okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Basically, you were getting mad at Rachel and you wanted to be away from her, so you induced a breakdown. Rachel then took you to the hospital where they tried to help before they eventually got an ambulance to bring you here.” She explained. “I think that’s it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Oh…” I gulped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, it seems horrible. Luckily you’re okay though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is R-Rachel okay?” I asked nervously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was really worried, but once we got you calmed down, she was okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so why are you scared?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-because t-they're g-going to make p-people talk t-to me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, why does that scare you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Because t-they're going t-to hate me a-and m-make fun of m-me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you think that kiddo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“L-Look at me!” I exclaimed. “I'm a m-mess! Of c-course they're going to m-make fun of me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They aren’t I promise. A lot of them are in a very similar state to you Kaitlyn. They aren’t going to make fun of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-How can you be sure?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just am. I know you won’t believe me until you see it yourself however, so lets move on.  Why are you feeling anxious?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-because I'm w-worried that I'm n-never going to g-get better and I'm n-never going to get to g-go home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will, it’s all just a matter of waiting. Just make sure you do whatever the doctors say, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” I whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you relieved?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because y-you're here…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “I’m glad that makes you feel better. What do you want to talk about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-How's S-Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure. I haven’t seen her since she came in. She seemed pretty happy after seeing you though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what about B-Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “He’s been better...He escaped the facility, but his friend took him back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-oh...d-does t-that mean h-he’s going to b-be in there longer?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably, yeah, since he’s back in solitary and he has to build up trust again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “I-I want t-to see h-him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. There’s not a lot I can do about that, I’m afraid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tucked my knees up to my chest and snuggled further into the couch. “H-How are y-you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not great, but definitely not horrible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why aren’t y-you g-great?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because, my favourite patient is feeling horribly scared and anxious, and that makes me sad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-who’s that?” I asked, hoping I wasn’t being too intrusive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just someone called Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-do you h-have another p-patient called K-Kaitlyn?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “Nope.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I blushed, but didn’t say anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there any way I might be able to help?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I d-don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s alright. Have you been given your medication yet?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-They gave m-me some w-when I w-woke up here, but i-it was e-emergency s-stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, well, I’ll give you them now, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She handed me a paper cup full of pills and a water bottle, and looked at me expectantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-do I really n-need them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you do.” Indigo stated. “Not just for your mind, but for your heart too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t th-that fine? Didn’t th-they fix it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, you had a heart attack at 14. That’s really scary kiddo. They just need you to take the medication to make sure that it’s all working well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shouldn’t it just work? It’s not like I’m old. None of the heart attack business makes sense. How’d it happen?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we broke the news that Sarah had left, and the stress got so bad that you went into cardiac arrest. I reckon if the doctors had arrived, maybe, 20 seconds later, we would have lost you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How does shock equate to a heart attack though?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, your brain was so shocked that it was demanded lots and lots of blood up there to try and help it process everything, and then your heart had to beat harder and harder to try and keep up, and then it couldn’t pump anymore and for about 10 seconds, you were dead because your heart stopped beating. The medication now is to try and keep your heart strong so that if something like that happens again, then it’ll be able to beat faster and stronger.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh….” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I strongly advise you take your medication.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded my head and quickly took the pills.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks kiddo.” Indigo said, putting the water down on the coffee table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My body is really screwed up. Nothing seems to work anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you are remarkably vulnerable to medical issues, but I’m sure everything will heal in time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so….” I mumbled. “Can I just stay here with you, and like, not go back?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I do have other patients to see kiddo. Sorry about that, but you’re going to have to go back to your room unless you want to head out to the common area to speak to some of the other patients.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frantically shook my head. ”I’m good!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Well, I suppose a worker will be in to check on you every now and then. Is there anything else you wanted to talk about while we’re here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long will I be here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That depends on your progress, but it’s estimated at a month.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh….” I murmured. “But what about Christmas?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do I have to be here? I want to see my family…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Normally the procedure is that all families are invited on Christmas and a big lunch is served to everyone.” Indigo explained. “Sometimes patients are allowed home for the day, but that depends on the patient.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned, but didn’t respond.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if that’s all, I suppose I’ll see you later then Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-bye…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to walk you back to your room?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Just, just stay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure Kaitlyn?” She asked, growing slightly concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I think so…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll walk you back anyway. Just to make sure you get there safely.” Indigo announced, putting her notebook down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you don’t h-have t-t-to…” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. Let’s go.” She said, opening the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I followed her all the way back to the room in silence, not wanting to speak to anyone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, this is it.” She stated, pushing the door open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and walked into the room before I simply sat on the bed and stared at the wall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m on walkaround duty at 5, so I’ll come and visit you then.” Indigo told me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I simply nodded, not providing much of a response and simply flopped onto the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you later kiddo.” Indigo said, before walking out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wandered over to the desk and did the only thing I really could do, that being drawing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I don’t know why, but I started drawing Brendon. I started with the shape of his face, and I started filling in the features.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It made me happier and in a way, it felt like he was here. There were a few messed up parts, but once I finished, I tore out the image and sat it on my pillow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a lot more drawing, Indigo came in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey kiddo. How’s it going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged as I tried to quickly finish the part I was working on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She walked over to my side and looked at what I was drawing. “Wow, kiddo. That’s awesome!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Yeah, I guess so. I messed up some of it though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No you didn’t! This is amazing!” She exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thanks…” I murmured, looking at the almost complete image.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, dinner is almost ready. Are you ready to come out and sit with everyone else or do you want to sit in here?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I m-might sit in h-here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Fair enough. I’ll bring it in. I’ll be right back kiddo.” She said, leaving the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she returned with the food, I felt sick at a single glance. “I-I can’t eat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled a chair up next to me and moved my sketchbook before putting the plate in front of me. “I’m afraid you don’t have a say in the matter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I already f-feel sick.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry kiddo, but you need to eat.” Indigo stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no I don’t I-I’ll b-be f-f-fine.” I stated unconvincingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I have to make sure you eat. You’re either going to have to do it yourself, or I’m going to have to feed you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “N-Neither of those s-sound pleasant.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well it’s one or the other. You choose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hate you.” I muttered, picking up the spoon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing personal kiddo.” Indigo stated. “I’m just trying to make sure that you don’t pass out again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not that anyone would be here to care.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everybody cares Kaitlyn. Please don’t talk like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone’s gone! There’s no one left to care!” I snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do. Rachel and Darren do. Sarah does. Brendon does. The other doctors do. The other patients do. Kaitlyn, you have a whole entourage of people who care!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah isn’t here, Brendon isn’t here, I could care less about Rachel and Darren and they other doctors just want me out of here. No one cares.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “Eat, Kaitlyn. Now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a small bite before putting the spoon down. “There.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“More.” She demanded. “Not just one tiny bite. I’m not leaving until half the plate is gone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I’ve eaten.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She lifted the spoon up. “I guess you’ve chosen the hard way then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t come near me with that.” I stated, shifting away from her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, you need to eat.” She said slowly. “If you don’t want me to do it, then you have to come back and do it yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not eating. It’s not that hard to understand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re eating. Come here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head and brought my knees up under my chin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo brought the bowl over to me. “I guess we’ll do it like this then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-Please d-don’t….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She put some food on the spoon and held it up to my lips. “Open your mouth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head and clamped my hands over my mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes Kaitlyn. Now.” She demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-No! P-please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took advantage of my open mouth while I was speaking and shoved the spoon in my mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears were flowing out of my eyes as she pulled the spoon out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Swallow, Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to swallow but ended up choking on the food. I tried to force it down, but the harder I tried, the worse it got.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s it Kaitlyn. Keep trying.” Indigo encouraged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to tell her I couldn’t get it down but I couldn’t. I kept struggling. I snatched the water bottle out of her hands and took a drink to help it down. Luckily enough, that seemed to help. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With one final gulp I forced it down my throat and panted as I drank more of the water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s it Kaitlyn. Good girl. Here comes another.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you give me a second?” I rasped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Tell me when you’re ready.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After my throat felt less dry, I gave her a hesitant thumbs up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled and put another spoonful in my mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luckily this one was a lot easier than before. After I swallowed I tried to take the spoon off of her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t want you to f-feed me. I can d-do it myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Promise you’ll actually eat?” She asked, holding the spoon over her shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll try?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She handed me the spoon and the bowl, and watched me intently as I began eating little parts at a time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt incredibly awkward having her watch me, but I didn’t say anything and just kept eating small bites. After a while, I was about half finished the plate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m full…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure you absolutely can’t eat any more?” Indigo questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I don’t know…Maybe?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keep going then.” She said, handing the spoon back to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a few more bites before putting the spoon down on the desk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you completely full now?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I’m pretty sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She ruffled my hair and took the plates. “Thanks for your effort, kiddo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “It’s fine. At least my tummy doesn’t feel as weird now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that’s good then. I have to get back, tonight is game night out in the common area. Do you think you’re ready to come and join yet?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know. I-I still don’t f-feel confident enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be there. You don’t have to talk to anybody but me if you don’t want to yet.” She tried to convince.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ll come out f-for a little while.” I finally gave in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo grinned and held her hand out to me. “Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nervously took her hand and got up from my seat. She led me into the common room and lots of people we sitting down there. I started getting nervous. “I-I wanna g-go back…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Kaitlyn. Just come sit down, I’ll show you who everybody is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were about 10 kids seated between the two tables. Indigo led me over to the emptier one, and I sat down between her and another girl about my age.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi!” She greeted. “What’s your name?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“K-Kaitlyn.” I stammered, shuffling over to the other side of the chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a nice name.” She complemented, with a smile. It amazed me that anyone was smiling in this place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to continue with the conversation and avoid the raging war of thoughts in my head. “W-What’s y-your n-name?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My name’s Eliza.” She answered. “Hey Indigo!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey ‘Lize.” Indigo smiled. “Ready for game night?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah! It’s always tonnes of fun!” She chirped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, tonight is group trivia. We’re playing in teams of three.” Indigo explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awesome!” She stated. “Are you playing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not, I know the answers, but Kaitlyn will.” She said, putting a hand on my shoulder. “Although she’s a bit nervous, so you’ll look after her, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll do my best!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo went to get up but I grabbed her wrist under the table and gripped it tightly, preventing her from leaving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up?” She whispered to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Don’t l-leave I-I’m s-s-scared” I whispered back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be fine. I’m going to be back. I just need to tell everyone what’s going on.” She assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My hand began to shake. “P-Please n-no!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just need a minute Kaitlyn. I’ll be back before you know it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you just stand up there?” Eliza recommended.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good idea.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stood up and told everyone that they were doing trivia, and to get into teams of three. Another doctor walked around and started giving the teams that had already formed a clipboard and a pencil. I nervously looked around the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone had already made teams, even Eliza had ditched me for who I assumed were her friends. “I-Indigo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Over there kiddo.” She said, gesturing to a boy and a girl who were sitting over on the floor near the TV.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but they d-don’t know me, and I-I don’t know th-them. They m-mightn’t w-want me intruding.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo took my hand and walked me over. “Dana, Phillip, This is Kaitlyn. Can she be in your team?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” They shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo smiled at me and I nervously sat down, tapping on the floor with my index finger to try and ease off some nervous energy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are we ready to start?” Indigo asked everyone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everybody except me cheered and the doctor passed the girl I now knew as ‘Dana’ a clipboard with the numbers 1-10 written on the paper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright! First question!” She stated. “Name as many countries as you can starting with ‘A’. You get one point for each. Hint: There’s 17.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phillip just looked confused before writing Australia. “Do you know any?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Austria. Um...America?” Dana added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what about Angola, and um….Afghanistan, and…..Argentina?” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phillip grinned and wrote them down. “Thanks Kaitlyn. Any others?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um…” I considered. “Algeria?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Philip wrote that down too. “You’re awesome at this Kaitlyn!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Next Question!” Indigo announced. “Sodium Chloride is most commonly called what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phillip dropped the pencil. “I don’t know anything about science.”  He stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I think it’s salt…” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was that?” Dana asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-salt?” I repeated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds right.” She stated as Phillip wrote it down. “You’re really good at this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I just know random things.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0060"><h2>60. Chapter 59- Chaos Arises Over Hot Chocolate without Marshmallows</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“The points have been calculated. The team that won was, Dana, Phillip and Kaitlyn. Everyone give them a round of applause!” Indigo announced. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I curled up, not enjoying being the centre of attention. Everyone got up and sat back at the tables besides me. I stayed where I was seated and was still freaking out about the fact people were directing their attention toward me. I was shaking slightly, but I stayed tucked away so no one would notice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You alright, kiddo?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged, hoping my shaking would answer for me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, the only thing left before bed is cake and hot chocolate, so are you alright with skipping that and just heading back to your room?” Indigo asked, bending down to my side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I lightly nodded and slowly got up from the ground. Indigo took my hand and starting leading me back to my room. “So what happened back there?” She asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t kn-know. I-I-I j-just g-got scared.” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what scared you?” She questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-the attention, m-mainly…” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and opened my door. “That's okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-do you h-have to leave?” I asked, hoping the answer was no.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry kiddo, I have to get back to everybody else.” She apologised. “I’ll be back in about 15-20 minutes, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-Alright, I g-guess.” I whispered pulling the thin pillow up to my chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gently stroked my hair. “I’ll be back soon. Hold on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ll try.” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good girl. See you soon Kaitlyn.” Indigo said, leaving the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t do much in those few minutes. I basically just sat and wallowed in undetermined emotions while staring at my picture of Brendon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually Indigo returned with a cup of what appeared to be hot cocoa. “I’m back. How are you doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I-I’m still f-figuring that out f-for myself.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I brought you some hot chocolate.” She said, offering me the cup.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thanks…” I stammered as she handed me the cup. I held the warm cup in my hands, not sure whether or not I was going to drink it. My cold hands really appreciated the warmth however.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sat down on the end of my bed. “Do you want to talk about what happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, let’s start. What about the attention scared you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought th-they’d b-be mean to m-me. I j-just wanted t-to disappear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They were congratulating you Kaitlyn.” She tried to explain. “Nothing to be scared of.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It was sc-scary and l-loud.” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you not like loud noises?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I-It freaks m-me out l-lots. I f-feel l-like I’m in trouble.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm...okay.” Indigo nodded. “Why do you think that is?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-the lady a-at the g-group home always y-yelled at me, a-and would p-punish me.” I explained quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How would she punish you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-sometimes she’d l-lock me in r-rooms, or hit me o-or j-just not g-give me food.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Christ.” Indigo muttered. “Well, I promise, none of those things are going to happen to you here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-If you s-say so…” I murmured. “Th-the trivia p-part was f-fun, answering th-the questions.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That made Indigo smile. “I’m glad you think so kiddo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled in return. “Y-You did a g-good job of o-organising it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She chuckled. “Thank you Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “I-It’s not h-half bad here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew you’d come around eventually. It’s not that bad at all. Every night there’s always some sort of entertainment event on, and as long as you take part in therapy, I think you might actually enjoy your time here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “M-maybe. I-I’m sorry for how I a-acted in therapy…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. I didn’t mind. After what happened, It’s only fair that I’m a little tolerant of that sort of stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A nurse poked her head in. “Lights out in 10.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “More b-bedtimes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo nodded. “It’ll be okay. Do you want me to stay or leave?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can you stay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure kiddo. I’ll just be over here.” Indigo stated, sitting over on the seat at the desk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-Have you heard anything else about M-mom and D-dad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “Sorry, but no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s alright, I-I guess.” I murmured. “H-How are things with you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m good.” Indigo said. “But let’s not worry about that. Time for bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed before lying down, taking note of every small inconsistency and bump in the mattress. It wasn’t particularly comfortable, but it was better than the hospital.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo switched the light out and sat down. The silence started to become overwhelming, and started clicking my fingers to try and mask it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve got to be quiet Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t!” I exclaimed. “I-It’s s-scaring m-me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know how to help you kiddo. It’s the rules.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt my breathing become more laboured. “H-Help! P-Please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She rushed over to my side. “In and out Kaitlyn. It’s okay. Just focus on breathing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-” I strugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re okay. In and out. In and out.” She directed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to force air into my lungs, but my efforts seemingly did nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She quickly pulled a puffer out from one of her pockets and held it up to my mouth. She gave me a few puffs before she put it away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s n-not h-helping!” I panicked, feeling my chest becoming tight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what to do Kaitlyn!” She panicked. She quickly rushed out of the room and returned with a breathing mask. She strapped it on and sat down beside me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-” I tried to say, although my mouth seemed to refuse to put sentences together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh...Just focus on breathing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The breathing mask seemed to help, but the tightness in my chest didn’t leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you feeling any better?” She asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-” I tried to say again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you hurting, or still can’t breathe? Point to where the problem is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pointed to my chest, although my hand was shaking terribly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it your chest in general, or is your heart concerning you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-B-B-” I stuttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Both?” She offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get you down to one of the doctors, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wasn’t sure if I could walk, but Indigo took my hand and the oxygen tank and started heading towards the door. I put one foot in front of the other, but after 3 steps I stumbled and almost fell over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright. Come on.” She encouraged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to take another step, and this time I actually fell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stay there.” She instructed before leaving the room. When she returned, she had a wheelchair and I was in a fit of tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-N-No!” I tried to say, attempting to shuffle backwards.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We need to get you to a doctor Kaitlyn. This could be a serious problem.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She lifted me into the wheelchair and began pushing me down the hall to some sort of medical room. I was sitting on the bed, with the mask still strapped to my face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor came out of an office. “What’s going on?” He asked, sitting down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Chest pains.” Indigo said. “Kaitlyn Urie. She’s had problems with her heart before, so I didn’t hesitate bringing her down here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Alright.” He pulled out a stethoscope. “Don’t freak out. I’m just making sure everything is okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled and grabbed Indigo’s hand for comfort as he listened to my heartbeat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm…” He muttered before writing something down. “So has this just appeared out of nowhere?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She started panicking because of the silence.” Indigo explained. “And she was having trouble breathing, so I brought her the breathing mask, but now her chest hurts.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not liking the look of this.” He mumbled. “Has it gotten worse over time?” He asked me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I forced a nod, deciding against trying to say something in case I embarrassed myself again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you lie down?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I laid down on the bed, looking blankly at the ceiling, nervously awaiting what he would say next.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I talk to you outside Indigo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, I guess.” She said, walking outside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was left alone in the room for quite a while before they returned. “Get comfortable.” The doctor instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what’s g-g-g-going o-on?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t have the equipment here to help you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-a-and?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re waiting for an ambulance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-What?!” I shrieked, scrambling to sit up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t panic. I’m not sure if it’s as bad as I assume it to be, so we’re making sure you are getting the help you need.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was starting to tremble, and Indigo sat down beside me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry kiddo, it’s only a precaution.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m scared!” I whimpered, squirming across the bed to snuggle into her for comfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” She replied. “But you need to be really strong for me right now. Is it getting better or worse?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-worse.” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She put her arms around me. “We’ll just wait here then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to ignore the pain in my chest as I cried into Indigo’s coat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually some paramedics arrived, carrying boxes of equipment. They started to talking to the doctor, and I tried to shuffle as far away from them as possible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They started listening to my heartbeat again and strapped all sorts of contraptions onto me. I had no clue what they did, so I just silently cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pain only grew, but I didn’t have the willpower to say anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We need to take her in.” One of the paramedics told Indigo. “She needs more care for this than what she can get here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Can I come with you? She’s terrified right now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Normally the answer would be no,” One of the workers said nervously. “But I suppose we can make an exception.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you so much.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They prepared the stretcher and helped me on it, before taking me out to the ambulance. I was in tears the entire time, with Indigo doing her best to try and calm down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I w-want to g-go home!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll call your Mom, okay?” Indigo said as we climbed into the ambulance. “I’ll call her and tell her to come.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-which one?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which one do you want me to call?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll call her as soon as I can kiddo.” She assured me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank y-you.” I stammered, snuggling into the stretcher, assuming it’d be quite a drive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s the pain?” The paramedic asked. “Getting better or worse still?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s still g-getting w-worse. It h-hasn’t stopped g-getting worse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This doesn’t sound good.” The paramedic mumbled. “You need to focus on breathing right now. That’s all we want you to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and laid down on the stretcher and closed my eyes and I repeated the phrase, in and out in my mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The stretcher started moving and somebody rushed me inside. We got to a certain point, before they turned to Indigo and told her she couldn’t continue with us any longer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what’s g-going to h-happen?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re just going to do a special type of scan.” The paramedic explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay…” I whimpered. “D-does it h-hurt in anyway?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “No, but we need to sedate you for the procedure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh...o-okay.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They brought me up to a room and a nurse came and put a needle in my arm. “Just hold on sweetie,” She told me. “When you wake up, it’ll all be over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” I sniffled. “I-I’ll t-take your w-word for it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Good girl.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started to drift off and the world soon faded to black.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Sarah’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>As I was getting ready to go to bed, my phone started ringing. I sighed before I picked up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello?” I answered groggily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Sarah. It’s Indigo.” Indigo replied nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, um….What’s going on?” I asked, confused as to why she was calling me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn is um, Kaitlyn’s in the hospital. It’s her heart again. She’s asking for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh…..really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really.” Indigo confirmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to come there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please. She’s scared out of her mind right now, and she really needs you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I promised, hanging up the phone. I grabbed my keys and went to find Nicole in the dining room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got to go out, okay? Call me if you need anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “What’s up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My daughter, Kaitlyn’s there. She's been asking for me apparently.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When will you be back?” Nicole asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I honestly don’t know. I barely know if she’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should we come then?” Nicole suggested. “Jax will probably sleep the whole time, and I won’t be a bother, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would say yes, but I can’t waste time. I really should be going. Stay safe, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole forced a nod. “Okay Sarah. Bye.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I waved goodbye before I raced down to the car. I hate to admit, I was speeding slightly, but this was an emergency. I was soon at the hospital and Indigo greeted me before she took me to Kaitlyn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They had to operate.” Indigo explained slowly. “It was that or another heart attack.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what happened exactly?” I asked, trying to piece together the situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, she couldn’t sleep and started panicking because it was too quiet, and then she started hyperventilating, the puffer didn’t help, the oxygen helped with her breathing but she was still complaining of chest pains, then we brought her here and they did a scan and had to operate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god.” I murmured. “That’s horrible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She asked me to call you and ask you to come.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I see her, or is she still sort of, busy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can see her. She’s still recovering, and she’s a little bit out of it, but she’ll be glad to see you.” Indigo said, leading me to the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-mom?” She sniffled, looking up at me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Bub.” I said, sitting down beside her. “How are you feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sc-scared, mostly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’s that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“J-just b-because everything h-happened so f-fast. It’s b-better now that y-you’re here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly. “I’d give anything in the world to be right by your side.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She mustered a small smile. “Th-thanks? B-but d-don’t you have b-better things to d-do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s nothing more important than being here for my angel when she needs me.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thank you.” She sniffled. “C-can I h-have a hug?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” I said, pulling her in tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I still d-don’t know m-much of what’s going o-on. The d-doctors never said much.” She murmured, snuggling into me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m sure they’ll explain everything soon.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It might b-be really b-bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well then we’ll sort through it.” I vowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She cried into my chest. “I m-miss home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll be home soon. I’m sorting some things out with child services. You just need to focus on getting better, okay? And then we’ll all be home.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-how’s d-dad? D-do you know?” She asked,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s doing okay.” I tried to assure. “He just might be in there a bit longer than expected after his hiccup. But he should be okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-that’s good.” She whispered. “H-hopefully he’s o-okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My phone started buzzing in my pocket. “He should be.” I said, pulling my phone out and looking at the number.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-who is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um...Nicole. Look, I have to take this, I’ll be right back, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She glumly nodded. “O-okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I quickly went outside the room and answered the call. “What’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s Jaxon. He’s throwing a tantrum and someone from the floor above just told me to ‘shut him up’, but I can’t work out how to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What normally works in these situations?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve tried talking to him, giving him some water and I’ve even tried turning on the TV for him but nothing’s working!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s he upset about?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That you aren’t here.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ran a hand through my hair. “What do you want me to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know! You should know how to deal with children!” She panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s your brother! I’ve known him for two days!” I responded in the same panicked tone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Sarah, it’s really hard to deal with him when he’s like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” I sighed. “But I’m, I’m sort of needed here too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll just try to get him to sleep.” She mumbled, hanging up the phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nicole!” I sighed, before realising it was pointless. I redialed the number and fiddled with my fingers as I waited for her to pick up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?!” She attacked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I’m coming. Put him on the phone.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you aren’t. It’s fine.” She stated, before hanging up once again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dammit Nicole.” I muttered, shoving my phone in my bag angrily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up Sarah?” Indigo asked as she passed by.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jaxon is having a meltdown and Nicole is upset because I told her that Kaitlyn needed me too.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who is Jaxon and Nicole? Do you have other children I don’t know about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh...I’m just their temporary carer, I suppose.” I answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jaxon, the little boy, is having a meltdown. He’s 6, and the loveliest little kid you’ll ever meet, but he’s got cerebral palsy and I haven’t seen his meltdowns before but I can imagine it’s bad. Nicole, the girl, is a little older than Kaitlyn and she’s trying to sort him out but he’s crying because I’m not there and she’s mad because I said that Kaitlyn needs me too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo placed a hand on my shoulder. “You go see Jaxon. I’ll watch Kaitlyn. She’ll understand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?” I asked. “I really should stay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should go. You can always come back. I’ll call you if she gets any worse. Go take care of them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt horrendously guilty leaving Kaitlyn, but I was sure this was what I was supposed to do. Once I arrived at the apartment, Jaxon stumbled over to me and hugged my legs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I m-missed you!” He cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I picked him up and rested him on my hip. “I think it’s bedtime for all of us.” I stated, turning off the TV.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tucked Jaxon and Nicole into bed and shut off the lights. I walked into the lounge room and toward the front door. I yearned to return to Kaitlyn, but I didn’t know who needed me more. I sighed before I flopped onto the couch and fell asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Kaitlyn’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Indigo?” I stammered in her direction. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t ask about Sarah. That’d be the third time this morning.” She grumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-No, it j-just, m-my chest is st-still sore…” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was that?” She asked, coming over to my side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-my ch-chest!” I stammered before I grabbed my chest in pain. It was not only tightening, but throbbing now, and I couldn’t hold on any longer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re okay kiddo. I’ll get a doctor.” She stated before leaving the room.</span>
</p><p><span>I found it harder breath, and the more panicked I became, the worse it got. </span> <span>Indigo raced in with a doctor. </span></p><p>
  <span>“H-help! Please! I-It hurts s-so much!” I begged, before everything once again faded to black.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed as I once again stared at the blank ceiling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I leave yet?” I asked Sam for what had probably been the thirtieth time this morning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soon Brendon. Soon.”  She answered. I was pleasantly surprised with her new response, with all others before being a plain no. “ They’re considering it now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Awesome.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you learnt your lesson Brendon?” She asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah…” I murmured guiltily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m actually being kind on you. Usually you’d be in here for another week at least, but I think I can trust you.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Well thank you for that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine.”  She smiled. “I honestly don’t think solitary is good for helping you much at all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think so either.” I agreed. “The silence scares me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. A nurse then came in. “Is this Mr Urie?” The nurse asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep.” I nodded. “But I prefer Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “ Okay, Brendon. We’re going to move you now. Are you okay with that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Totally cool with that.” I said, getting up from the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Okay, follow me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I followed her from the room in solitary through one of the swipe card doors to the regular area. They led me to the room I used to be in and I sat down on the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lunch will be soon. Sam will probably be here to escort you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool.” I nodded, crossing my legs. “What do I do until then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “You can go outside, or to the dining hall and see if there’s anyone there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I might do the latter. Thanks for the escort.” I said, walking out of room and towards the dining hall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were a few people walking around, or sitting in the dining hall, so I walked over to someone sitting alone and figured that’d be a good place to start.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi.” I greeted simply, unsure of what reaction I’d get.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man turned to me and forced a greeting. “H-Hi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s your name?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-B-Brandon.” He said nervously. “Y-You?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled. “It’s Brendon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded unsurely. “D-do you w-want t-to sit?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you like me to sit?” I asked</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrivelled up. “I-If y-you w-want t-to…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I want to ensure you're comfortable.” I explained. “So should I sit?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pushed the chair out and put his head down on the table. “Y-Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hesitantly sat down. “What are you thinking about?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“F-food.” He stated. “A-and sports and m-my s-son and TV a-and so many things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well do you want to talk about any of it?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ran his hands through his hair in quite a violent manner. “No B-Brendon I don’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s alright.” I whispered. “I’m here if you want to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He groaned and thrashed his head against the table, rubbing his fingers into his scalp.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright? Do you want help?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Brendon go a-away.” He groaned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I’m sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He groaned again and hit his head on the table for the third time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I then decided to stay, although slightly scared. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-are you sure y-you’re okay?” I asked, reaching over to pat his back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know Brendon!” He panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sam!” I called, turning around to see if she was around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She then rushed over. “What’s up Brendon?” She asked, seemingly ignoring the man beside me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Brandon needs help.” I explained. “P-Please help him!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brandon, can you come with me for a minute?” She asked. “So I can talk to you alone?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pushed himself up from the table and followed Sam out of the dining hall, his head in his hands. I felt bad for him, although that meant now I was all alone. Everyone else was sitting in groups of people, and I didn’t want to interrupt, thought I knew I wouldn’t be able to withstand this loneliness for very long.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam and Brandon were long gone and I looked around the room, hoping to find a small group of one or two people who wouldn’t mind if I sat with them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I found two people who seemed to be in the midst of conversation, so I hesitantly sat down beside them and contemplated what I would say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh hi!” The woman smiled. “What’s your name?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“ Oh, uh...It’s Brendon.” I answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grinned. “Well, I’m Nancy and this is Jonathan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “That’s cool.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lunch is being served! You will be called up table by table.” The nurse announced, gesturing to the buffet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nancy sighed. “This table is always last. That’s why no one sits here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh well.” I shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse walked over to us. “You guys can go up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled and thanked the nurse before I walked up to the buffet. I grabbed a small plate before returning to the table, silently eating while Nancy and Jonathan exchanged conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you think Brendon?” Nancy asked, out of the blue, snapping me out of my daze. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What were you talking about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s the best famous vocalist?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I don’t really know. There are so many to pick from.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Interesting. We can’t decide.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sinatra is always a good choice.” I suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jonathan grinned. “See!?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See what?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Someone finally agrees with me!” He exclaimed. Nancy sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who was your choice?” I asked Nancy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “Just Ed Sheeran”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Interesting choice.” I commented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But Sinatra is the best!” Jonathan whooped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “There’s lots of talented people around now. It’s hard to choose just one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We finished eating dinner and went to the TV room to watch a movie before bed. They selected Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and I actually enjoyed it. It was nice sitting with some friends I had made. Brandon hadn’t returned yet, but I tried not to worry about that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once the movie ended, everyone left the room. Sam came to escort me to my room and I took this opportunity to ask the question that had been on my mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s Brandon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She bit her lip. “Brandon is...Brandon’s just taking some time out in solitary for the time being.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh….” I murmured. “That sucks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “He might be there for a while…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-was it my f-fault?” I asked. “He started panicking when I turned up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Brandon’s just got a lot on his mind. His condition is rather severe. It wasn’t your fault.” Sam assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so…” I murmured, still feeling guilty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” She said, sitting down. “Time for bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah…” I muttered lying down. “I’m not tired though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s too bad Brendon.” Sam told me. “Just go to sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not that easy.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you need to try.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But what if the nightmares come back?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, then I’ll be here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to close my eyes and forced myself to sleep, but the images were back, just like I’d imagined them to be. My eyes shot open, mainly in terror and I curled up on the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything okay Bren?” I heard Sam ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-d-don’t know…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want the medication?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please.” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She handed me the pills and a water bottle, and I quickly took them, hoping they would soon kick into effect and eliminate the images in my head. I desperately kept closing my eyes for a second to see if it was gone but every time, it seemed to only get worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I c-c-can’t g-get to sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I can’t let you leave the room Brendon, so you’re just going to have to sit here.” Sam sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I brought my knees up to chest and leaned against the bedframe as I cried. I was terrified, and it seemed nothing could be done about it. I was forcing my eyes open just to avoid seeing anything I wasn’t ready for.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh. It’s okay Brendon.” Sam said, rubbing my back. “It’s okay. I’m here, I’ll protect you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It happened 10 years ago. Wh-why is it still t-taunting me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know Brendon. I don’t know.” She apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t get any sleep that night.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0061"><h2>61. Chapter 60 - Hell Reigns Over The Urie Family</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>*****Nicole’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah!” I whispered, shaking her shoulder. “Sarah wake up!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up?” She asked, rubbing her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You fell asleep on the couch. Come on, let’s get you to bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. I’m up now anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not. You made me go back to bed, so now I’m helping you in the same way. Go to bed Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Yes, but that’s different.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “No, it’s not. Bed. Now.” I said sternly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I’ve got stuff to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sleep is more important. Now.” I demanded, pulling her off the couch and dragging her to the bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sleep isn’t more important than my daughter, Nicole.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How can you possibly expect to be a good parent when you’re half asleep?” I asked. “It’s 6am. Get an hour or two of sleep, and I’ll make breakfast. Now, off to bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to bed. My husband, being the way he is help make it a lot easier for me to work on no sleep. It’s fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t care. Go to bed Sarah. You look terrible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gee thanks.” She muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just making an observation.” I stated defensively.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll just make coffee. I’ll be fine.” She said, trying to push past me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah! Seriously! Go to bed!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got stuff to do Nicole!” She spat. “I don’t have time!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. She stormed into the kitchen and made herself a coffee. She downed the entire cup before she got dressed. I was amazed when she came out out and made yet another coffee. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay Sarah?” I asked cautiously, pulling a mug from the cabinet to make a coffee for myself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine.” She answered, dialling a number on her phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm...Okay.” I replied nervously as I added the cream to my drink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She disappeared into another room as she made the call.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to listen to what was going on but couldn’t pick any of the words up. Sarah almost hit me in the fce when she flung the door open. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going. Bye Nicole!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are you going?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Out.” She stated before grabbing her keys and slamming the door shut.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and wandered back to the kitchen, washing her mug out and putting it in the dishwasher. I hoped she wasn’t mad at me… I really didn’t want her to be mad at me. I needed her to like me, or else she wouldn’t let me stay here. Or Jax. And Jaxon really needed a good place to stay, and this seemed like the place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My phone dinged.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t know when I’ll be back. Don’t try to call, my phone’s going flat.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I nervously replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sorry for pushing you this morning. I admire your dedication to be with Kaitlyn. I’m sure she appreciates it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I stared intently at the screen as I waited for a reply.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t think she notices.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I was a little more confident with my next reply.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m sure she does. She might not show it, but I bet she does.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It said the message had been read, yet after a good few minutes of waiting, there was no reply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and put my phone down on the bench, taking a sip of the coffee I had prepared earlier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nikki!” I heard Jaxon call from the other room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up Jax?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you come and get me?” He called back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” I answered, walking into the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon was lying on the bed, just staring at the ceiling due to the fact that he couldn’t really do anything else until I helped him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where do you want to go bud?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “The lounge room, maybe?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grunted slightly as I lifted him up on my side, using all my strength to make sure that I didn’t drop him. I quickly brought him out to the lounge room and sat him on the couch before panting a few times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong Nikki?” He asked, looking at me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing.” I responded quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Something’s wrong. You sound like a doggy! You shouldn’t sound like that!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled slightly. “I just think I’m getting a bit small for you Jax.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I a pain to take care of?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head and ruffled his hair. “No way Jax. No way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t that why daddy left? He s-said I was high maintenance, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you know that?” I asked. I had always kept these sorts of topics away from him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was the last thing I ever heard him say.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and pulled him into a hug. “You’re not a problem to me Jax. I’ll always be here for you, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I’m getting hard to look after, right? You can’t carry me around forever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll sort something out.” I vowed. “I’ll always look after you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can try…” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong buddy?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone else can walk by themselves but I can’t!” He answered, as he began crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and held him close. “But that doesn’t mean they’re better than you are. You’re so much better than them at so many other things!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t do anything Nikki! All I can do is watch cartoons!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not true!” I tried to say. “You made cookies, didn’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah did most of it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you tell the funniest jokes! What was that one about the toilet paper?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sniffled, and tried to suppress a giggle. “Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-To get to the bottom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled. “You’re awesome Jax. Don’t ever think you aren’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked down at his hands. “B-But I c-can’t do anything N-Nikki!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t need to walk around, or be able to write, or anything like that Jaxon. The most powerful people are the ones who are unique, who do things differently. Just like you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sniffled and snuggled further into me. “T-thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. I’m always going to be here Jaxon. I promise.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-But won’t y-you want to go and d-do different things?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would I? I have the best brother in the world. I couldn’t imagine doing anything without you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He giggled. “I-I just d-don’t want to h-hold you back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You won’t, I promise. You push me forward bud. You could never hold me back.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “I-If you say so Nikki.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t ever think anything like that. None of it’s true. I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tried to change the subject. “W-Where’s Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She had to go see her daughter, I think.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did she make breakfast?” He cued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “No, what do you want?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cookies?” He asked hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don't think we should have cookies for breakfast bud.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He mumbled something to himself. “Toast?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure. What would you like on your toast?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Butter please.” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Do you want to watch TV or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “Can I come with you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure!” I answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heaved him up on my side and started hobbling towards the kitchen. When I got there I was faced with the problem of where to sit him down, considering that there were bowls and plates in every possible place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His weight seemed to grow by the second, and I started boosting him up almost every second as I tried to clear some plates away. Just as I lifted up the last plate and tried to boost him up again, my arm buckled under his weight and he fell to the ground before I could even react, let alone catch him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat silently on the ground, though I knew he was crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay Jax?!” I asked urgently, sitting down beside him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m fine…” He sniffled, wiping his nose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does anywhere hurt?” I asked, looking him over for any obvious injuries.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “Nowhere important.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where? Everywhere is important bud.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pointed to his leg, and I gently pulled his pant leg up, only to gasp and cringe at the impossible angle that his ankle was bent at.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m fine…” He stammered, looking away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have to get you to the hospital.” I responded, going to pick him up again. Although to my surprise, he pushed me away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine! Don’t worry about me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled him up on my back in a much more stable position. “Let’s go see if we can find someone who can drive us, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what about one of the hospital cars?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“An ambulance?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “What about them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I cringed. “Well, they’re only for emergencies Jax…. but I suppose we could…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was a silly idea. Don’t worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I put him down on the couch and grabbed my phone. “I’ll be right back Jax. Don’t move.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pouted. “It’s boring here!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and flicked the TV on. “There. Watch that. I’ll be back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” He muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked outside and dialed 911, hoping that they’d send someone to help. The phone rang for a few times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“911, what is your emergency?” An operator answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I thin my brother’s broken his leg, or something, I don’t know! We can’t get to the hospital!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll send a car unit now. What is your location?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm….We’re at the Opal View Apartments, on the second floor, number 14B, I think?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The car unit is on it’s way. How did your brother break his leg?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He fell. I was holding him and he fell out of my arms onto the floor.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How old is he?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s 6.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, the ambulance is 5 minutes away. Are you okay to hang up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, thank you so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodbye.” The operator said, before ending the call.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I raced back out to Jaxon who was crying. “It hurts Nikki! It hurts so bad!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wrapped him in my arms. “I know bud. The ambulance people are going to be here in 5 minutes, okay? You just have to hold on till then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It hurts too much!” He sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I’m sorry.” I apologised. “Let’s go and wait for them outside, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” He whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I put him on my back and walked him downstairs, holding him tighter and more cautiously than normal. We reached the ground floor and I sat him down on the bench that was outside 11A.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t like this! I’d rather be dead Nikki! It hurts!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t say that Jaxon. I promise it’ll get better, here comes the ambulance now! Can you hear the sirens?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re going to come and make sure that it doesn’t hurt anymore.” I assured him. “Can you see them coming around the corner?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “A-are the ambulance p-people nice?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Yup. They’re going to take us to the hospital.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The ambulance parked right near us and I called the paramedics over. One of them gave Jaxon a green whistle to take all the pain away, and put a splint on his leg, while the other whisked me away to talk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what happened?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” I gulped. “Jax has cerebral palsy. Milder than some, but he can’t walk or really do anything other than talk really. I was carrying him, and then he was really heavy and I sort of dropped him and then he landed on his foot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The ambulance nodded. “Both your names?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nicole Jespar and Jaxon Jespar.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How old are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m 15, almost 16, and he’s 6.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded and wrote something down. “And you’re his…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sister.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s your Mom?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, we’re in temporary care at the moment, but Sarah is at the hospital talking to her daughter who’s in there for mental issues or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Well, we’re going to take him in for some X-rays. You can ride in the back with him, or in the front with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll stay with Jax.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good choice.” He confirmed, before turning to the other paramedic. “Load him up!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon enough, we were on our way to the hospital in the back of the ambulance. The medicine they had given Jaxon had cleared up pretty much all his pain, and he was giggling as one of the paramedics gave him a lollipop for his ‘bravery’ through the whole ordeal. I was hoping and praying that Sarah wasn’t going to be mad at me. I still couldn’t believe I had dropped him. This was all my fault.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you sad Nikki?” Jaxon asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I quickly wiped my eyes. “I’m fine Jax. Don’t worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The paramedic held me out a lollipop too. “For </span>
  <em>
    <span>your </span>
  </em>
  <span>bravery.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head slightly. “I’m the reason we’re here. I don’t deserve one of those.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aww!” Jaxon whined.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on sweetheart. Take the candy.” The paramedic encouraged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took the lollipop and rested in on my lap, not intending on eating it. I was consumed by guilt, and couldn’t find myself focusing on anything else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. We’re here. Let's get you out of here.” The paramedic told Jaxon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled as they rolled the stretcher into the hospital. They got him into a wheelchair and they took him in for some x-rays. I sat in the waiting room, becoming horribly inpatient. While waiting, Sarah joined me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s Jaxon?” She asked. “The doctors told me what happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped, preparing to get in trouble. “H-he’s getting an x-ray…” I answered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. They were afraid Kaitlyn was getting worse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s okay. You have to be there for your family. I understand.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled me into a hug. “You guys are family too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “I-I still can’t believe that I-I dropped him S-Sarah!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was bound to happen eventually Nicole, you can’t dwell on this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-But he’s Jax! And I d-dropped him! I promised h-him that I-I’d never drop him but I d-did Sarah!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah just pulled me tighter. “He’ll be okay Nicole. And he won’t blame you, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He will! He’s b-becoming more s-self aware! I-It’s scary!” I countered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then he’ll know it’s not your fault. Please, I need someone to be strong.” She begged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should leave…” I murmured, getting up from my seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah pulled me back down. “Please, stay. He needs you Nicole.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-How will h-he forgive me?!” I asked nobody in particular. “I-I’m the worst s-sister ever!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t the worst sister ever. He’ll forgive because you’ve done so much for him. He’ll forgive you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t k-know S-Sarah…” I sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A nurse came out. “You can come with him to get the cast if you wish.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Sarah nodded, taking my hand and walking me inside the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When we came in, Jaxon was crying again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong bud?” I asked, running to his side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It h-hurts a-again…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll get some painkillers.” The nurse said, leaving the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m so scared!” He whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be okay buddy.” Sarah assured him. “They’re just going to put a cast on it and then you can come home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It hurts too much!” He cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse entered with a drip. “I just have to put this needle in your arm, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded tearfully. He looked away as the needle went in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so brave Jax.” I told him as I gently rubbed his back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m not brave. I-I’m crying right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you’re brave for getting through this. I’m so sorry I dropped you, I’m a horrible sister….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t a bad sister Nikki!” He affirmed. “You're the best sister ever!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly and ruffled his hair. “Thanks Jax.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem!” He finally smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s time to go and get a cast.” The doctor announced. “Sarah, can I speak to you for a minute first?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah stepped outside with the doctor and I pulled up a chair next to the bed. “What colour cast do you want?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “Blue, maybe?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a pretty colour. Are you going to let me sign it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only if you want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “I’d like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay then!” He grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah walked in with a slight grimace on her face, but forced a smile as she came over to us. “Ready to go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon nodded. “Yep!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse entered with a wheelchair and helped him into it, letting me push him down to another room where they sat him on a chair and held his leg in the right position, before they began applying the cast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It feels weird.” He stated, watching them do it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A good weird?” I asked hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “Just weird.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor applying it finished the white part. “What colour would you like young man?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-blue?” He responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grabbed the blue from his cart of supplies. “Of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon, Jaxon’s cast was finished. I cringed slightly as Sarah had to pay for it, and was given instructions to bring him back in six weeks to get it removed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ready to go home?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess.” I shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We loaded into Sarah’s car in silence. There wasn’t much I felt I could say. Jaxon seemed to still be crying lightly, though he made it seem like we weren’t supposed to notice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything okay bud?” Sarah asked, looking at him through the mirror.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged silently and looked out the window at the grey exterior of buildings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look awesome in the cast. The blue is really cool.” She said chirpily, trying to bring his attitude up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s heavy.” He murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” Sarah apologised. “But maybe we can draw on it. Do you remember Gerard?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded, his attention not really being diverted from the window.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s a comic book artist. He can draw really cool things, like superheroes. Do you like superheroes Jaxon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged once again, this one seemingly half-hearted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah realised he wasn’t really interested in pursuing the conversation and just turned her attention back to the road.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We got home and with quite a bit of struggle, got him back to the apartment. He simply requested to go to the bedroom when I asked where he wanted to be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He curled up in the bed and asked me to leave so he could sleep. I doubted that was his only intention, but I gave him a kiss and promised I’d be back to check up on him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I went back out to Sarah who was once again on her laptop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is he?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s still pretty down. He told me he was going to sleep. Not sure how true that is, though.” I answered,  get ready to sit down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded and pushed a chair out. “Come sit down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat beside her. “How’s everything with you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “It’s going okay. Kaitlyn’s back in the hospital, they think there might be something wrong with her heart which is really scary, but hopefully she’ll be okay. Brendon is doing okay in the institution, but he tried to run away, and actually did, a few days ago and Gerard brought him back. Everything seems a bit chaotic, but I think I can push through it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well if there is any way for me to help, tell me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled slightly. “I think it’s time that we start sorting out some details for you and Jax, as it doesn’t really seem you’ll be leaving me any time soon. Child services likes to take their sweet time with things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started to worry. “Are we being an inconvenience?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “No, no, not at all. I just need to sort out things such as what school you actually go to and how I’m going to get you there. After all, once I see my husband and sort things out with him we’ll probably be moving.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are we moving to?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon and I have a house. We bought it for Kaitlyn and us to live in, after she sort of got punched in the head and almost had to learn to walk again. She’s doing much better now, but I don’t think I’ll be living here much longer paying rent when I already own a house.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Will we be in the way? Like when your family comes back?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah shook her head. “Not at all. You’ll fit right into our family.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure…” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course you will Nicole.” Sarah assured me. “And Jax will too. It’ll be so awesome to finally all be together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When’s your family coming back anyway?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Brendon is depending on recovery, and Kaitlyn, Kaitlyn might be a while. I’m hoping she’ll be back by Christmas.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you really don’t know? That sucks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She chuckled. “It really does. Anyway, back to you. What school do you go to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever the public school around here is called.” I answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded and wrote something down. “Does Jaxon go to school?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I wanted to make sure he didn’t go to the same one as me, since it was basically hell, but nowhere would take him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So who watches him all day then?” Sarah asked, growing a little concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, no one, really. The people who used to live in your apartment would watch him but after the moved out, he had no one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So did he just lie in bed all day?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Um...he’d sit on the couch. I’d turn the TV onto the cartoons, sit him on a pile of towels in case he had to, um, </span>
  <em>
    <span>go, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and left him with lunch that he could eat if he got hungry.” I admitted nervously. “If there wasn’t anything important on at school I would take the day off, but my attendance suffered and the principle threatened to expel me if I didn’t improve there, so, um, yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll we have to find somewhere for him. Or someone. He’ll have to go to school eventually though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know there’s a special school on the other side of town, but I didn’t have a way to get him there.” I sighed. “And whenever I tried to tell Mum that we had to move, she was drunk and would wake up not knowing a thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well we’ll have to see what we can do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “As long as it’s not causing you any trouble…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “It’ll be fine.” She assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded awkwardly. “Do you think Kaitlyn will mind that Jax and I will be there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably not. She is a bit shy though.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just hope that she likes me. And Jax. It’s going to be very awkward if she doesn’t….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure she will.” Sarah comforted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think Brendon will? Do you think he’ll mind?” I asked worriedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure Brendon will love you. Please don’t worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Maybe…”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Kaitlyn’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey kiddo.” Indigo greeted as she walked into the room</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-hi…” I murmured back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not particularly great…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s the chest?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “It still hurts. I don’t know if that’s even important anymore.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s really important.” She said. “Is it better or worse than yesterday?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Better, I suppose. The pain sort of fluctuates.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo nodded. “Okay. Make sure you tell the doctors that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why? It’s really nothing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re in here for a heart problem. Any information is important.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so…” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed and sat down. “Your Mom had to leave suddenly, something happened at home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I figured.” I murmured, still not delighted by her disappearance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In other news, I found out your father is doing remarkably well in his recovery and is looking at being released soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good.” I replied simply. “Makes sense since he’s less insane than me, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “You are not insane, Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“People who aren’t insane don’t get put in </span>
  <em>
    <span>mental facilities.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” I muttered angrily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn please. You’re in a mental facility so we can help you.” Indigo tried to tell me. “You’re not insane.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am! I’m insane and dying! It’s not hard to see!” I snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, you’re not dying.” Indigo said in a soft tone. “You’re not insane.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, because my heart is totally not bailing out on me right now! And I literally hear voices! Face it Indigo! I’m both insane, and dying!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, your heart is playing up. Is it fatal? Probably not. You’re not completely 100% in the mental health department, but that doesn’t mean you’re insane. The term we use is unstable. But you’ll get your stability back. I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I may as well be dead.” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “Kaitlyn, please don’t talk like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s true! Euthanasia is a thing, right?” I asked. “It shouldn’t be that hard!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Euthanasia is illegal, and in countries where it is not, it is reserved only for patients with terminal conditions.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well it’s not like any of these stupid mental issues are going away, are they!?” I yelled, frustrated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn please calm down.” Indigo whispered, forcing my hand into hers. “Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! THIS IS STUPID!” I screamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo had a tear running down her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I DON’T WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE!” I shouted. “I DON’T EVEN HAVE TO TRY! MY BODY WILL JUST SCREW ITSELF OVER EVENTUALLY!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo grabbed both my hands and pinned them down on the bed. “You have to calm down Kaitlyn.” She whispered. “Your heart can’t handle this!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“GOOD!” I yelled, trying to pull my hands away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-If you don’t stop I-I’m going to have to sedate you!” She begged, still holding a firm grip on me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“YOU DON’T HAVE TO SEDATE ME! LET ME DIE! IT’S SIMPLE!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sniffle as she grabbed a needle. “I-I’m so sorry Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“NO!” I screamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pushed the needle into my neck and I cried in pain, before slumping backwards and watching as the world faded to a monotone of black.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“I d-don’t f-feel any better from l-last n-night.” I mumbled to Sam who was sitting, and watching me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve sorted out a sleeping pill situation to assist you.” She said. “I know it doesn’t sound pleasant, but it’s important you sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ve gone a l-long time without sleep. I-I don’t n-need it.” I tried to convince.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam ignored my comment. “Time for breakfast.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I c-can’t go o-out like this!” I stated. “L-Let me st-stay. P-Please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed and handed me my medication. “Take this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took the medication, despite long ago deeming it useless. “Th-this isn’t g-going to magically f-fix it.” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But this well help, Brendon.” She assured. “Now, Breakfast.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I c-can’t go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took my hand and started leading me towards the room. “Yes you can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started shaking. “P-Please! No!” I begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam sighed. “You need to eat, Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ll eat in m-my room or something!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not allowed unless you’re in solitary. If you want to do that, then you’ll have to go back to solitary. Your choice Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I j-just- I c-can’t do it. C-can’t you s-see that?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s so scary? Nancy and Jonathan will be there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s just-” I started. “I-It’s stupid…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not stupid Brendon. Talk to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I f-feel l-l-like I’m o-on the verge of an e-episode. I-I don’t w-want to h-h-have one in there…” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you’re on the verge of that, then it’s back to solitary.” She mumbled, leading me in a different direction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t w-want to g-go back there! P-Please!” I begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, an episode is dangerous to yourself and people around you. It’s merely a precaution. Let’s go. Now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s not l-like I mean for i-it to happen!” I wept.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Yes, I know. But that doesn’t change the outcome. I’ll get you some ice cream if you come with me.” She offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled and followed her, not fully believing her offer. As I walked along the corridors, I found myself thinking more and more about them. I felt myself falling deeper and deeper into this horrible hole, taking me back to 10 years ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-STOP!” I called out to Sam, becoming terrified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong Brendon?” She asked, turning around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-!” I tried to say before I dropped to the ground. I covered my eyes, hoping to block out everything, though it didn’t seem to help much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon?! BRENDON?!” Sam asked, bending down to my aid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I simply screamed, unsure of how to react, how to convey to her what I was seeing, what I was hearing, what I was feeling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-Hold on I-I’ll be back!” She panicked, running down the hall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“DON’T LEAVE!” I begged. “DON’T LEAVE LIKE THEY DID!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She returned a few minutes later with a few other doctors.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-He just collapsed!” She panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“HELP ME! PLEASE!” I pleaded. “THEY’RE HERE FOR REVENGE! THEY KNOW!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon you need to calm down.” One of the doctors said. “Can you sit up please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat up, though wasn’t able to follow through with the second half of the instructions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“SAVE ME! PLEASE!” I begged. “I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next thing I heard was a flurry of whispers.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Breathing mask?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“ECT?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What do we do?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Flashback?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Do we need to sedate him?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I just screamed and covered my ears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon enough, I felt a needle pierce through my skin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“GET IT OUT!” I begged. “NO NEEDLES!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry Brendon, but this is the only thing we can do.” I heard Sam apologise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“IT’S NOT HELPING! IT’S MAKING IT WORSE!” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re just going to let you have a sleep for a bit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I CAN’T SLEEP. TH-THE NIGHTMARES!” I explained, panicking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry.” She said softly. “You won’t have any nightmares.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt my eyelids begin to droop. “N-No! P-Please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Someone, presumably Sam, took my hand. “Close your eyes Brendon. It’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-Please no!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Shh…..It’s okay. You’ll be fine. Close your eyes Brendon.” She soothed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was crying hysterically. “N-No! S-Save me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was growing more and more tired, but I tried to fight it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, just relax. It’ll all be over soon.” Sam promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gripped her tightly. “I-I c-can’t f-face it a-again! P-Please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You won’t Brendon, I assure you. This isn’t as scary as normal sleep. You’ll feel so much better when you’re awake.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt my eyes droop more but I fought to keep them open. “P-Please help m-me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re trying Brendon, but you need to help us do that. Just close your eyes, okay?” She instructed softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “D-Do you p-promise i-it will help?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay.” I whispered, closing my eyes and curling up on the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Sam’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span> The other doctors were busy moving Brendon, so I took the time to call Joanne, hoping to find some answers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh hey Jo. It’s Sam.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi! What’s up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, Brendon’s just had a rather severe meltdown…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh….Is he okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I...think so?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened? It doesn’t sound like he’s okay. What’s going on?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can you come down?” I asked nervously. “You know him best…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it would really help him to see a familiar face.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll try to get there. It’s going to be awhile though. Is that okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s just been sedated, so that’s okay.” I told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh..um...okay. I suppose I’ll see you later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you later Jo. Thanks for this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. Bye.” She stated before hanging up the call.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I opened my eyes, everything still seemingly fuzzy and odd. I was still trying to piece together what happened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sam?” I called.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello Brendon.” I heard a voice, not Sam’s, say. “It’s good to see you again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-what?” I stammered, rubbing my eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought I’d come and pay you a visit.” Dr Jo stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh…” I murmured. “Well, hi?” I stated, still slightly confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I honestly don’t know.” I answered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, do you remember what happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “What was it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, apparently you fell to the floor, screaming, and started hyperventilating and they had to sedate you, although you fought it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh….” I sighed. “I thought that’d stop happening.” I murmured, lying back on the bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well it did. And as I’m the most familiar with your case, they called me in for a session. So we’re going to talk through what happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And here I thought you actually cared.” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I didn’t care I wouldn’t be here Brendon.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just thought it’d be nice if someone visited me because I was a decent person, not because I’m a nutcase.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you’re a decent person Brendon. I also know that you’re currently in dire need of my service.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well what do you want me to say?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s start with what triggered the attack.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I had nightmares that morning, and when it came time for breakfast, I felt like I was going to have an episode. So I don’t really know what triggered me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, reports are you just fell to the floor for no reason.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well there was a reason.” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what was the reason?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was thinking about D- them, and I saw them, and I swore I heard their voices. I was feeling terribly overwhelmed.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you experiencing flashbacks again Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Yeah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My, my. That’s not good.” She mumbled, writing something down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have to write this down?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, yes.” She nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned. “Fine.” I muttered. “What else do you want to know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what was going through your head at the time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I honestly don’t remember. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s okay Brendon.” She nodded. “How are you feeling about the event now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not great, particularly.” I answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo nodded. “Well, that is to be expected. Is there anything you want to talk through with me while we’re here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know how my family is?” I asked, without really thinking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah is back. She’s unsure as to how your relationship stands, but she’s back. Kaitlyn is in the hospital with some heart problems.” Dr Jo stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “Thanks, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything else you wish to discuss?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When can I get out of here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know Brendon. I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Of course you don’t…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully it won’t be much longer Brendon, but this is a bit of a setback for you. My estimate is around Christmas, right now, though that could change.” She answered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I just sighed. “I just, I miss everyone, you know?” I asked. “Everything just felt easier when they were around.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Brendon, I know. You’ll see them soon, I’m sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soon…” I repeated. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0062"><h2>62. Chapter 61- Make It The Way It’s Supposed To Be</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>*****Sarah’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>It was finally Sunday. I was supposed to be going to reunite with Brendon. Instead, I was crouched over a toilet with some disease Nicole had contracted from school.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry Sarah!” She apologised once more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I waved her away. “It’s fine.” I murmured, wiping my face off with a towel that had recently become my best friend. “I’m feeling better now anyway.” I lied, so she wouldn’t try to keep me home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don't look better. Plus, you just threw up.” She said nervously as I collapsed back on the couch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine. Don’t worry. It’s just a bug or something. I’ll be fine.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pressed her hand to my forehead. “You’ve got a fever. A bad one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh well.” I shrugged, getting up from the couch. “I’ve got to go out, so you guys have to get ready.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>shouldn’t be going out like this Sarah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I don’t have much of a choice.” I replied, grabbing my keys.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole nodded unsurely. “Maybe just visit briefly…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I haven’t seen my husband in weeks. This is really important Nicole.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So’s your health Sarah!” She countered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve taken pills, I should be fine.” I mumbled as I grabbed my bag from the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” She muttered. “I still don’t think it’s a good idea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get Jaxon, I’m dropping you two off with Lindsey for a few hours.” I said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She muttered something under her breath before she went into the room and returned with Jaxon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, everyone ready to go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah!” Jaxon smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, let’s go then!” I said, trying to sound positive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We had a simple drive, with Nicole moping in the backseat and Jaxon giving us updates about what he saw every five minutes. I pulled into Lindsey’s driveway and got Jaxon out of the car before knocking on the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey girly!” Lindsey greeted as she opened the door “How are you?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m alright. A little under the weather, but I should be okay.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so. Do you have time for a coffee?” She questioned,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should do.” I confirmed. “The visiting doesn’t start for another hour, so I should be good for a coffee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awesome. Come in!” She smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked inside, putting Jaxon down on the stool and sitting down next to him. Nicole didn’t say anything, but sat down as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So how have you guys been?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good!” Jaxon chirped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good.” She smiled, starting to make the coffee. Gerard wandered out of the office. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hey Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Gee. How are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “I’m okay, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you coming to see Brendon today?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “I was planning on it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think he’ll want to see me?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think so. I feel like it’ll do him some good. He’s been in a bit of a rough patch apparently.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I just hope that he’s not mad…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I honestly don’t know how he’ll react at first.” He admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey put a coffee in front of me and gave me a comforting smile. “I’m sure it will all work out Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave a weak smile. “Hopefully. I can only try, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Gerard mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Aunty Sarah!” I heard Bandit say from behind me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Bee! How are you?” I asked as she climbed onto the chair beside me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m good!” She grinned. “Hey Jaxon!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-hi…” He murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you kids want to do?” Lindsey asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon and Nicole fell silent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to go to the park!” Bandit grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“U-um….” Jaxon mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe another time Bandit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because we need to make sure Jaxon and Nicole are okay with that, and Jaxon doesn’t really want to go.” Lindsey explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awww!” She whined.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m s-sorry…” Jaxon whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what else could we do?” Gerard asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon looked down to the ground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-You guys can do something…” He mumbled. “I-I’ll be o-okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard looked over to him. “We aren’t going to leave you out. What do you want to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t d-do anything, s-so there’s n-no point in i-including me. I-I’ll just ruin it f-for everybody e-else.” He sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t going to ruin it Jaxon. I’d be sadder if you didn’t come with us.” Nicole said lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed and slumped in the chair without another word.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked at the time. “Well I’m about to head off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess I’m coming.” Gerard added, getting up from his seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We silently left the house, not having much to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We took Gerard’s car, and I sat in the passenger seat silently for the first 5 minutes of the journey until Gerard broke the ice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So….What happened with Jaxon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s getting a little more self aware about what he can and can’t do…” I explained. “And it’s really hurting him…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It seems like it. He’s so glum.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I know, and I don’t know how to help him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish I could help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly. “There might be something you could do…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What might that be?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Jaxon broke his leg the other day due to an, um, incident where he’s getting a bit big for everybody to carry him, but he’s got this cast, and considering you’re an artistic genius, I was wondering if maybe you could decorate it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could definitely try?” He stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Thanks Gee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine.” He smiled. “I’m happy to at least try to help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m hoping it’ll make him happy.” I shrugged. “He deserves to be happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “He definitely does.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this the place here?” I asked, gesturing to the building that Gerard was parking out the front of.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure is.” He answered, getting out of the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a nervous breath in and stepped out of the car. I was so nervous, yet so excited, and yet I was so terrified….</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard led me into the building and explained everything to the receptionist. She took us to this waiting room, of sorts where we sat down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God I’m nervous…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be.” Gerard responded, taking my hand. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah…” I murmured. “Maybe….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A nurse soon came up to us and told us we could see Brendon now. We followed into a smaller room where Brendon was sitting down, looking destroyed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Brendon?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-Hi Sarah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-How are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He started crying. “I-I don’t know…” He whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked over and wrapped him in a hug. “I-I’m so s-sorry for leaving!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s fine. I-I would l-leave me too…” He murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “I s-shouldn't have l-left. I-I’m so s-sorry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s fine. It’s g-good that you’re b-back though, I guess.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s so good to see you.” I smiled, holding him close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I m-missed you so much Sarah.” He sniffled</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God I’ve missed y-you too.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why’d you come b-back?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Because I love you B-Brendon.” I said, throwing my arms around him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It d-didn’t seem like it w-when you left…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I k-know. I-I’m so s-sorry B-Brendon, I was b-being selfish and I-I was t-too upset to s-see t-the right thing to d-do...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It d-doesn’t matter. I’m h-here now anyway…” He muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m so sorry f-for d-doing this t-to you B-Bren.” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He rested his head on the table. “I d-don’t know how much longer I can d-do this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took his hand. “W-We’ll get through this. T-Together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know Sarah. I-I don’t seem to be g-getting any better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pressed a kiss to his lips. “You will. I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard his light sobs, though it seemed he was trying to hide it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it’s hard Bren, but we need to keep going.” I whispered soothingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t. I j-just, I don’t w-want this anymore.” He whimpered. “I wanna go home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Bren. And we will. Soon.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It s-seems too far away. I-It’s impossible Sarah! I’ve b-been trying for so long and n-nothing is working!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It just takes time Bren. I’m so sorry you have to go through this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-what are we S-Sarah? What is our relationship?” He asked. I could tell he was nervous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took his hand. “I was going to ask you the same thing. I-I still want us to be together...but it’s up to you…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t w-want to lose you Sarah.” He whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to lose you either.” I replied. “What do you want to be?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “I d-don’t know…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well…” I gulped. “Do you want to continue like we were before, or do you just want to be just friends or….” I trailed off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t want to b-be just friends. I married you! I want to be with you Sarah! I don’t know!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to be with you too Bren.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s not be anything. We’ll just be Sarah and Brendon. Until we work it out.” He suggested. “Sarah and Brendon….Urie.” He smiled slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Let’s just do that then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you do while you were away?” He asked, wiping away his tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got an apartment, helped my neighbours out…” I shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool, I guess…” He murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, um….how have you been?” He asked, fidgeting in his seat slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay I guess. I’ve been missing you like crazy…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s alright, I guess…” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about you Bren? How have you been?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been okay, I suppose. The nightmares are getting worse, the flashbacks are back, but I’m not terrible, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a moment to conjure a response. “I’m sure it’ll get easier soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “Maybe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A nurse entered the room. “5 minutes until visiting time is over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon frowned. “Alright…” He murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hugged him again. “I-Is it okay if I go back to our house?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “You’re basically the one paying for it…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Bren.” I smiled, before pausing. “I, um, I have some guests staying with me at the moment...is it okay if they stay there too?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Why not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Bren. I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too Sarah.” He responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um...Can I just remind you that I’m still here?” Gerard asked awkwardly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Gerard.” Brendon chuckled, slightly embarrassed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Brendon. How are you feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “Better than before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you Gee?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “I’m alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. What have you been up to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just the usual. Comics and Bandit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds alright, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “It’s nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse re-entered. “Visiting time is over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon’s face fell as we got up from our seats. “I’m sorry we have to leave Bren. I promise I’ll be back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wrapped me in a hug. “P-Please don’t leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really don’t want to Brendon, but I have to. I’m sorry.” I apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no!” He cried. “D-Don’t leave me h-here!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I’m so sorry! I can’t take you home! I’m sorry!” I cried into his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Don’t leave then!” He cried. “S-Stay here with me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t Brendon. I’m sorry!” I stammered. “I’m so sorry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wrapped me in quite a tight grip. “I-I’m not letting y-you leave!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry Brendon.” I sobbed into his shoulder. “I’m sorry I can’t take you home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse entered. “Brendon, Sarah has to leave now. Can you let go of her please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head and tightened his grip. “S-she’s n-not leaving!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, visiting time is over. She has to leave. You can see her again next week, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-No, sh’she’s not leaving!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to pull away. “I’m sorry Brendon. I need to go home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “N-No you need t-to stay with me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A doctor came in. “Come on Brendon. She needs to leave.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-But S-Sam!” He tried to reason.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No Brendon. You can’t keep her captive here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t want to be alone again!” He cried, as they tried to pry him off of me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon you won’t be alone.” I tried to reason. “The doctors will be here and I’ll come and visit as much as I can but you have to let go of me or else I might not be allowed back!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I just got to see you again!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon,” I whispered. “If you love me, let me go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He whimpered slightly before he let go of me and flopped into the chair, tears running down his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Bren.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor turned to me. “You should probably go...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and Gerard and I walked out of the room and started heading home.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Kaitlyn’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s awake!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned as I opened my eyes to the bright haze of the hospital room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey kiddo.” I heard a familiar voice say. “Welcome back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-hi?” I stammered, my eyes still adjusting to the light. “Wh-what happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You gave us a real scare. But you’re okay.” Indigo said, gently stroking my hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why w-wouldn’t I be okay?” I asked, still confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let's….Let’s not worry about that…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned, not feeling satisfied with the information I had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was it like my heart or something?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Something like that.” She mumbled. “But let’s move on. How are you feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Confused, dazed? Numb? I don’t know. I can’t feel much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tried to hide the worry, but I could see it. “Well, if anything starts to hurt you tell me straight away, alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good.” She nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So why won’t you tell me what happened? Don’t I deserve to know?’ I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “The doctors won’t let me tell you. And I can’t tell you why either. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is stupid.” I muttered. “I should know what’s going on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All you need to know is that you’re going to be okay.” Indigo assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s the part I don’t really care about…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo attempted to change the subject. “You’ve been moved to a different ward. This one has really good chefs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then where am I?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Intensive care…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Delightful.” I muttered, becoming frustrated. “And I bet you aren’t going to tell me why either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry kiddo, but no, I am not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then leave! You’re useless!” I snapped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh….” She said in a soothing voice. “I know it’s hard, but you’ve really got to stay calm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wouldn’t be hard if you just told me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really wanna know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes!” I replied. “I thought that was clear!?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “Kaitlyn, you had a second heart attack, and this one was so severe that your heart failed and you were </span>
  <em>
    <span>dead </span>
  </em>
  <span>on the operating table for 10 whole minutes. They brought you back to life. You’re currently in intensive care because your body is </span>
  <em>
    <span>very </span>
  </em>
  <span>unstable and you’re not allowed </span>
  <em>
    <span>any </span>
  </em>
  <span>stress or else you’re probably going to have a third attack and they don’t think they’ll be able to bring you back a second time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Why do they bother?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you’re important.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not! My parents are dead, my adoptive parents abandoned me and the stupid foster family is horrible! I don’t want to be here!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh, shh, calm down Kaitlyn.” Indigo soothed, taking my hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t!” I started crying. “I c-can’t because y-you don’t understand what I’m g-going through.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is why I didn’t tell you Kaitlyn.” She sighed, pulling me into a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing ever goes right.” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s just watch some TV.” Indigo said, turning on some cartoons.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ignored the TV, curled up on the bed and simply cried. Cried about my parents, cried about Brendon and Sarah, cried about my stupid heart and cried most of about simply still being alive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh Kaitlyn…” She sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry…” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be sorry, just…” Indigo struggled to find the right words. “We’ve just got a lot of work to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I know.” I stammered, wiping some of the tears away. “I-I’m sorry you h-have to deal with m-me…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine Kiddo. Let’s just focus on some TV, take our minds off things for a while.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned the TV back on and leaned back in the visitors chair. It was reasonably peaceful for a while, before there was a knock at the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey sweetheart, how are you feeling?” Rachel asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know…” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She walked in the room, Darren trailing behind her. “We brought you some flowers and some chocolate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thanks, I guess?” I stated quietly, sinking into the bedsheets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you watching?” Darren asked quietly, probably the quietest thing he’s ever asked me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know. I-I wasn’t paying t-too much attention.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I expected him to get mad, but he just shrugged and turned his attention to his phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-How have y-you been?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve been okay.” Rachel shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a moment of awkward silence around the room. I sunk further into the bed, almost trying to hide from the people around me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So how long will she be in here?” Rachel asked Indigo eventually.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo shrugged. “It just depends on how she recovers.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see….” Rachel mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m s-sorry.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you apologising?” Rachel asked, confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know. These things a-are usually my fault…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, this isn’t.” She affirmed. “This isn’t your fault and you don’t need to apologise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the rest of their visit, I remained silent, not wanting to get in trouble</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually they had to leave to go and do something, and I just waved them a small wave before they left. When they had finally left the building, I breathed a sigh of relief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really hate them, don’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep.” I nodded. “With all my guts.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why though?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“U-um…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have an actual valid reason to hate them?” Indigo asked. “Or is it just the hate for the situation that you’re in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Darren’s mean…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He didn’t seem very mean today kiddo. Or any of the other times I’ve spoken to him. Of which there are many.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-But he is…” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What has he done to make you think that of him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He y-yelled at me f-for no reason.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I doubt that. What were you doing when he yelled at you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He told m-me to get ch-changed into something nicer, b-but I had nothing n-nicer, so when I w-wasn’t changed, h-he yelled at me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you tell him that you didn’t have anything nicer?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I w-was afraid of h-him…” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if you look at it from his point of view, he didn’t know, so he thought that you were ignoring him and that you weren’t showing him respect. That’s why he shouted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was s-still mean…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “Darren has some anger issues from when he was a child. He grew up in the system, quite a bit like you. He was living alone with his mother, who was sick. She couldn’t care for him properly. So child services took him away and put him in a foster home, just like you. And just like you, he was really angry, because he just wanted to be with his mother. He doesn’t mean it when he shouts, that’s just the way he is. I’ve known him since I was a bit younger than you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then shouldn’t h-he understand me? Shouldn’t he j-just be nice to me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s trying. I know you can’t see it, but he is trying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanna go home…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know kiddo. But you’ve got to stay here so you can better. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will I get better?” I sniffled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course you will!” Indigo promised. “You just have to be patient.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I laid back down and felt my chest hurting. I groaned slightly, catching Indigo’s attention, but I tried to make it seem like it was nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What hurts Kaitlyn?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-Nothing…” I whimpered. “N-Nothing h-hurts.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need to tell me. What hurts?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just….here.” I stated, rubbing lightly across my chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I’m just going to find a doctor. I’ll be right back kiddo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-don’t worry. I-It’s nothing…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything is something at this point. That’s why you’re in intensive care. I’ll be right back.” Indigo said, before leaving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started becoming worried in her absence, and found myself shaking slightly when she returned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, Kaitlyn, Indigo says you’ve been having some chest pains, is that right?” The doctor asked, standing over me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah? A l-little bit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you show me exactly where?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pointed to where it hurt the most. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, we’ll have to do an X-ray.” She murmured, writing something down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “O-okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what’s going on,” She explained. “Is we put a little device called a pacemaker in near your heart. And what’s good about that little device is that it makes sure that your heart keeps beating in the proper way and doesn’t stop. But, what’s happened is, when the surgeon put it in, they put it in in the wrong way. So we’re just going to X-ray to see what we need to do, and then from there we’ll fix it up for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay, I g-guess.” I stammered nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll just go talk to some people, I’ll be back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Alright.” I answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor left and Indigo sat down again. “Don’t worry kiddo, they’ll have it all fixed soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It sucks that they have to fix it at all.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, well, there’s nothing else we can do kiddo. Sorry about that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, I guess…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dinner is soon!” She said excitedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool.” I muttered. “I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Also I have to leave soon I’m afraid…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why?” I asked nervously. “I-is it because of me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s because I have to get home to my dog. And my parent’s are coming to my house for dinner tonight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh...sounds fun, I guess.” I responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “Yeah it’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve gotta stay in this stupid place.” I muttered under my breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s only to make sure you’re okay and to help you get better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “It just doesn’t have a great atmosphere.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know kiddo. I’m sorry. I’ll be back tomorrow morning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I shall see you then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Indigo left, the doctor returned. “Are you ready for the x-rays?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be fine, I promise.” The doctor assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-------------------------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The x-rays only seemed to prove that I needed more surgery, so I sat nervously on my bed, not knowing what to expect. In most cases, Brendon and Sarah were here to comfort me, but this time, there was no one. I longed for Brendon to sing, but he wasn't here, so I tried to remember something he sang to me. I couldn’t think of much, so I sung a tune I vaguely remember from when I was younger.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“When the world gets too heavy put it on my back, I'll be your levy. You are taking me apart like bad glue on a get well card…”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>Chapter 62- Watching The World Fall At Our Feet</b>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Sarah’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jaxon, Nicole come on! We’ve got to go!”  I called from the front door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where?” Nicole groaned, dragging herself out of the bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To child services. We’re going to work everything out finally.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole nodded. “If you say so Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She went into the room and returned with a now dressed Jaxon. “Is everyone good to go?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yup!” Jaxon giggled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Awesome.” I opened the door and led everyone to the car. The drive was uneventful, surprisingly, but we got to the building early. Jaxon was sitting beside Nicole on a couch and was looking around at all the artwork.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A man soon came to retrieve us from where we were sitting. “Jespar’s? Right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole nodded and got up from her seat. She picked Jaxon up and carried him into the room, me following behind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We sat down in the office, another couple already sitting down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is Rachel and Darren. They’re a foster family around here. Rachel and Darren, meet Sarah, Nicole and Jaxon.” He introduced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The couple shot me a dirty glance, especially the woman.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi…” Nicole mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey sweetie.” She introduced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I’m Nicole, and this is my brother Jaxon…” She introduced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m six!” Jaxon added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman smiled. “That’s cool.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so I believe you are already fostering a child, is that correct?” The social worker asked the couple.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Kaitlyn.” The woman nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, and said child is where?” He then asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The hospital.” The man grunted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The social worker nodded. “May I ask why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, she was admitted for mental issues, and then her heart started messing up and now that’s what’s happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded once again. “Okay, and I suppose I should ask, how do you feel about parting with the child?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, she doesn’t seem to have any intentions of opening up to us. She seems to strongly hate us, and despite numerous attempts to make her happy, none are working. I’m sure she’s a good kid, but until she opens up, then we’re really lacking the motivation to continue fostering her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The social worker nodded and wrote something down. “And Sarah, you are the mother of this child?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “That is correct.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Are you two still interested in fostering children?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rachel nodded. “If we can find the right children, of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Jaxon and Nicole here are actually looking for a family. Would you be interested in getting to know them to see if they’d be a good fit for you?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” The woman smiled, giving them a friendly wave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The kids were taken into another room and I was called back in to talk about Kaitlyn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So are you wanting to gain custody of her?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Of course. She’s my daughter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so what led her to be taken out of your care?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, um, left her and my husband without explanation. I returned a week later after an epiphany and I’ve been trying to get her back since.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, and do you have intentions of leaving again?” He pushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Never again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well there is various paperwork to do if that hasn’t been done already. You’ll probably get her back this time, though if there is a next time, your chances are pretty slim.” He stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a nervous breath in. “Okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well go out to reception, they’ll take you to where you need to be, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for your help.” I nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All of a sudden, Nicole stormed back through the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go, Sarah.” She muttered angrily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, okay...what happened?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They don’t want Jaxon. They’re bloody fine to take me, but my brother who just needs the tiniest bit of extra help, no way! Argh!” She muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, um…. I’ve still got a bit more to do. Can you wait for a little bit?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m leaving.” She muttered. “Bye.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nicole!” I called. “Come on, just for a little bit. You can’t just leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was stupid to think that anyone would actually care.” She grumbled. “Bye.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And with that, she stormed out of the office, slamming the door behind her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“NICOLE!” I yelled, chasing after her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry Sarah!” She exclaimed, picking up speed. “Don’t worry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“GET BACK HERE NOW!” I demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“WHY?!” She screamed accusingly. “SO I CAN JUST MAKE LIFE HARD?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nicole!” I stated. “You don’t make life hard and I don’t know why you think that. You make life easier, better even.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I DON’T! NOBODY CARES ABOUT ME SARAH! I’M JUST A BURDEN ON EVERYBODY AROUND ME!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come here.” I instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head and backed away. “I’m going away. Where I’ll never bother anybody ever again!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nicole, please. Come back. Just let me talk to you. Running away doesn’t help. I know that for a fact.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled and continued taking slow steps backwards. “I-I’m leaving!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nicole, please. It’d kill me if I just let you walk away. Just stay, for me. Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Because I’m s-sick of being ignored! S-Sarah, nobody cares! N-Nobody!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I care Nicole. I care more than you’d think.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-You only care about getting K-Kaitlyn back! W-We don’t matter o-over them!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do Nicole. I care about you just as much as Kaitlyn. I promise. You matter so much to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “G-Goodbye S-Sarah. I m-might write…” She turned around and started running down the street.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I continued chasing her. “What about your brother?! You can’t just abandon him!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“E-Everybody else d-did!” She cried. “T-They left me t-too!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I caught up to her and grabbed her by the hand. “I’m not going to abandon you Nicole. I’ve never even considered it. I want you with me the whole way. I’m not going to leave you behind, especially not now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Then why a-are you trying t-to give us to a-another foster f-family?!” She accused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I’m a terrible parent! I ran away from my child Nicole!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you’re getting her back! Why can’t you keep us too?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to?” I asked. “Do you really want me to be your Mom?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-You’re the o-only one w-who’s e-ever cared a-and I d-don’t want to lose you!” She sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go back. Let’s go back, and then I can officially be your Mom. Then you can meet the puppies and Brendon and Kaitlyn and we’ll be a happy family, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“R-Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wrapped me in a hug. “T-Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I held her close. “It’s fine. It’s something I’ve been considering for awhile.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m s-sorry for f-freaking out…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” I soothed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Should we g-go back? O-Oh g-god…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, it’ll all be fine. Let’s go.” I assured</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I l-left Jax with those h-horrible people!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright. We’ll go get him and tell him what’s going to happen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and took my hand. “L-Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled and we walked back to the building and found Jaxon. He was completely silent and when I picked him up, he simply snuggled into me and fell asleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d like to foster these two permanently.” I stated. “Both of them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman simply nodded and shoved paperwork in my face. “Get busy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and took the paperwork started going through and signing them and filling out whatever I had to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can do the details one if you want.” Nicole suggested, grabbing a pen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you really want too…” I stated, handing her a piece of paper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled slightly. “No problem.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon watched me fill out the sheets. “What’s that Sarah?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“After I finish filling all this out, I’ll be your Mom.” I explained with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” He asked, amazed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Yep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wrapped me in a hug, his small arms reaching all the way around me. “You’re a good Mommy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled. “Thanks Jax.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem!” He smiled, snuggling into me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly and went back to the paperwork. I glanced up at the social worker and gulped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does this include Kaitlyn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” He answered unsurely. “I think so…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you check?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded and went through something on the computer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you written her down as one of the included children?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Then that should all be sorted out. As long as everything is filled in for her, you’ll be fine.” He explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” I nodded, going back to writing things down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s it going?” He asked, coming over to see where I was up to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pretty good.” I mumbled, not really paying attention to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright…” He murmured, going back to his desk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I finished the stack of paperwork and handed it to him. He handed me their birth certificates, medical history and all that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think that’s all of it. Good luck, I suppose.” I stated, looking over what he had on his computer screen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Well, goodbye Uries. Best of luck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” I stated, picking Jaxon up and resting him so he’d be comfortable. We walked out of the building and I had to buckle a droopy-eyed Jaxon into the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can go to sleep if you want bud, it’s alright. It’ll be awhile before we’re home.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Thanks Sarah.” He mumbled sleepily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole sat in the passenger seat, a huge smile on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you so much Sarah, I don’t know how I can ever repay you for this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to repay me at all. It was completely my choice.” I explained. “It’ll be a bit of surprise to my husband however.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her face fell slightly “Oh, right…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure he’ll be fine with it.” I tried to assure, not sure of it myself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope he doesn’t hate us…” Nicole mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if he has the capacity to hate. Trust me, he’s awesome.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded unsurely. “What was his name again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon.” I answered, smiling slightly at the thought of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, Brendon Urie?” She asked, joining his first name with my last name.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “That’s right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For some reason, I feel like I’ve heard his name before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “You might have. He’s a musician.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, right. I think I might have heard some of the girls at school talking about him. I don’t really pay attention when they’re talking about boys, so it probably just got mixed in with the jocks and such.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose that's understandable.” I stated, watching the road.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Yeah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well let’s get this conversation out of the way. Are you interested in switching schools? I just figure it’d be easier if you and Kaitlyn went to the same place.” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “Anywhere is better than where I'm going now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that makes it nice and easy. What should we do about Jax?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess we'll have to get him into the special school.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Hopefully there won’t be many issues there. Do you know where to school is?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can show you the website when we get home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Sounds like a plan. Now, talking about home, we have to take all the stuff from the apartment to the house.”  I stated. “Since that’s home now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole nodded. “That seems nice. I’ve never lived in a proper house before. Just apartments.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well hopefully you’ll enjoy it there.”  I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled into the apartment complex and carried a sleeping Jaxon up the stairs. After settling him down in the bed, I began putting all my clothes into bags.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come here Sarah!”  Nicole called.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up?” I asked as I found her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got the website for the school up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down and scrolled through it. “It’s about a 10 minute drive from the house. Not bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Will it work?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It should.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at the time. “It’s getting pretty late. Would you like me to cook something for dinner?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I can do it.” I said, getting up from my seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to. I feel like cooking something.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you like cooking?” I asked, sitting down slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “It can be fun.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, go for it. Kitchen’s all yours.” I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She disappeared into the kitchen and I heard all the pots and pans clattering. The was a big crash and I was going to see if she was okay, but I heard a series of light giggles follow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything okay?” I asked, poking my head around the corner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”  She giggled. “I was attacked by the drawer.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled. “Okay. If you need any help with anything, I’ll be in the living room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “ I’ll keep that in mind.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave her one last smile and went back to my computer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon enough, she was finished. “Dinner!” She called out to me before she went to get Jaxon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow. This looks amazing Nicole. Thank you.” I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s no problem. Hopefully it tastes good. It’s a new recipe.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grinned and picked a fork up. “It smells incredible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks…” She murmured, seemingly not used to compliments.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, should I try it?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you’re willing to risk it, sure.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a bite and couldn’t help but groan in pleasure. “This is beautiful Nicole!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She giggled. “Thanks Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How on earth can you cook like this? This is amazing!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “It’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>great Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is that great Nicole. I don’t know how you could think otherwise.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eh, it’s okay. If I had my spices, man, then that would be fantastic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds amazing. Are there certain things you like cooking?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I cook a little bit of everything, but I like making curries.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool.”  I responded. “Did you have a good nap Jaxon?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He yawned. “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. Is there anything you two want to do tomorrow?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Disneyland?” Jaxon asked hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No bud, not enough money.” Nicole said quietly, patting him on the arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled. “Maybe not tomorrow bud. Hopefully soon though.” I assured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” He asked, his eyes shining with excitement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Sure. But tomorrow, we need to move everything to the house and then I have to see Kaitlyn to explain what’s going on. I figured that’d bore you guys.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d like to meet Kaitlyn.” Nicole said. “If we’re going to be sharing a house, I figure it’s about time we met. Does she know about us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think so.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe that’s what we should do tomorrow.” She suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “How does that sound Jax?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds cool!” He grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Good to hear.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can I eat now?” He asked nervously, looking at the bowl in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole nodded and sat beside him, loading up a mouthful to give to Jaxon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Thanks…” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up Jaxon? You seem sad.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing.” He murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well if you want to talk, we’re here, okay?” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took the spoonful of food and chewed it glumly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once he finished, he sat silently at the table. Nicole had gone to do dishes so it was just me and him. “What’s bothering you bud?” I asked again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing.” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Its not nothing. You’re sad, and that makes me sad because I don’t know how to help you. Please, just tell me what’s wrong.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed and rested his head back on the chair. “Don’t worry Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am worrying. I want to make sure you’re happy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked down at his hands. “W-will you teach me to walk?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can try?”  I offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you do it?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just keeping working at it. Keep practising until you’re good at it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I keep trying b-but I can’t do it!” He sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, let’s go to the lounge room so we have more space.” I instructed. “I’ll see if I can help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I picked him up from the seat and carried him to the lounge and sat him down on the edge so his feet just touched the floor. I took his hands and stood just above him. “Are you ready?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “ J-Just don’t let me g-get hurt…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never bud. Here we go, just stand up first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled him to his feet and he teetered back and forth a couple of times before gaining his balance. “I-I don’t k-know about t-this anymore…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be okay, I promise. Don’t worry. I’m here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded unsurely. “W-What do I do now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, try to take a small step forward, alright?” I instructed. “I’ll step with you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His knee moved slightly and I could see on his face that he was really concentrating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It doesn’t w-work Sarah!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to pull him forward slightly, but not enough for him to fall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-This is useless.” He mumbled, letting his legs buckle beneath him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“ No, no. It’s not useless. You’ll get it. You just have to keep trying.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t Sarah!” He almost shouted. “My body doesn’t work!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled him into a hug. “I know it seems horrible and hard, but you need to keep trying for me, alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It won’t work!” He cried, pulling away from me. “Nothing works!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll find a way, I promise.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole walked in. “What’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re trying to work something out for him.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole bent down to her brother’s aid. “What’s wrong bud?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I c-can’t walk!” He cried, throwing himself onto the floor in tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Jax, we’ve been through this…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I j-just want to b-be normal!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole gently lifted him into her arms. “Bud, nobody is normal. Normal doesn’t exist.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cried into her shoulder. “I j-just w-want to be able to w-walk…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I’m sorry bud.” She apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I c-can’t do anything.” He sniffled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes you can. I’ve seen you.” I promised, sitting down next to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-nothing productive…” He murmured. “I-I can’t stay l-like this. I w-will be m-more and more useless as I g-get older.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not true…” Nicole said unsurely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It i-is! I-It’s not l-like I c-can get a j-job like this.” He whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s heaps of things you can do!” I tried to assure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like what!?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I paused. “Um…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His tears deepened. “There’s n-nothing…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could be a comedian?” Nicole suggested. “You tell the best jokes!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I have to b-be able to g-get around to p-places…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can drive you.” I said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-You won’t w-want to follow m-me everywhere.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re my brother Jax. I won’t ever want to leave your side.” Nicole said. “And I’ll get my licence soon, and then I’ll drive you around!’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stumbled away from us and curled up on the floor. He didn’t get very far but he squirmed under the coffee table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing Jax?” Nicole asked, rubbing her eyes in frustration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He murmured something we couldn’t hear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that bud?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m j-just waiting until I d-die…” He whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole sighed and pulled him out from under the coffee table. “Jaxon, you’re being silly. Come on, we’re going to watch a movie now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “D-don’t call me s-silly…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She put him down on the couch. “What do you want to watch?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head and snuggled himself into the couch, not looking away from the cushions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jaxon, it’s a movie, or bed time. What do you want to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-bed…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole sighed. “Bath first, then bed. Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “I don’t w-want a bath.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t have one this morning, so you’ve got to have one tonight. Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole carried him down the hall to the bathroom despite him crying and wailing the entire way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I followed them. “Get out Nikki! I want Sarah!” He yelled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole came out, tears pouring out of her eyes. She pushed past me and into the bedroom. I walked into the bathroom and Jaxon had his face in the water. I pulled him out of the tub and rested him on the floor, not wanting him in there any longer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing bud? That’s really dangerous.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cried in my arms. “I-I don’t w-want to be alive S-Sarah.” He whimpered. “L-Life’s already t-too hard and I-I’m only 6!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get you dressed.” I whispered. “Then we can talk about this over some hot chocolate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sniffled and pointed to the pair of pyjamas resting near the towel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a bit of struggle, I got him dressed. I picked him up to take him out and he was still crying into my shoulder.  gently dressed him and carried him out to the kitchen, before grabbing a plastic cup (with a lid) and making Jaxon some hot chocolate. He had quietened down, and was just silently staring at the ground.He was holding onto me as tight and he could and it seemed like he wasn’t going to let go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Feeling better bud?” I asked gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “M-maybe a little b-bit…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “So let’s talk about what happened. Why were you shouting at Nikki?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His face fell. “I-I don’t know. I-I was frustrated a-and it s-seemed like she w-wasn’t listening to m-me.” He sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nikki is a little upset right now, I think after we finish our drinks we should go say sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “I-I’m such a b-bad brother…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Everybody has bad days Jax, it’s not your fault. By tomorrow, we’ll all have forgotten about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I h-hasn’t j-just been a day th-though.”  He whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jax, I’m not denying that what you’re going through is tough. But I promise, as long as we stay positive, it won’t seem half as bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It just a-all feel pointless…” He murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wrapped him up tightly. “Let’s go watch some TV, and then we’ll go see Nikki, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded and snuggled into me, his head now resting on my shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled and carried him over to the couch, turning on some animated movie. I could tell he was only half-paying attention, but he seemed pretty content so I left it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When it finished, he looked up at me. “C-can we go see Nikki now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Course bud. Let’s go.” I said, picking him up and carrying him to the bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole was lying on the bed, staring at the wall. I put Jaxon down on the other side of the bed and just let him do the talking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He scrambled over to Nicole with some difficulty and wrapped his arms around her. “I’m sorry Nikki.” He apologised, burying his face in her shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned slightly. “Oh hey Jax. Hey, hey, it’s okay bud. It’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I shouldn’t have yelled at you. That was mean!” He whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole hugged him back. “It’s okay bud. I forgive you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thank you.” He sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay bud. Are you ready for bed?”</span>
</p><p><span>He nodded. “C</span> <span>an I h-have cuddles?” </span></p><p>
  <span>Nicole laughed. “Of course Jax. Of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled and climbed into the bedsheets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Night you two. Sleep well.” I said from the doorway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight Sarah!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I turned the light off and walked out of the room, heading back to my computer.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Kaitlyn’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked around the room and sighed, remember where I was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey kiddo!” Indigo greeted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi…” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling?” She asked, taking her seat in the visitors chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Nothing hurts, I suppose that’s good.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “That’s awesome! I have good news for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve been returned to Sarah’s care.” Indigo smiled. “No more Rachel and Darren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?!” I perked up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep.” She grinned. “She’s coming by later, just some things to sort out first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Things are finally sorting themselves out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo agreed. “They are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know if they sorted the pacemaker thing out?” I asked, lying down and snuggling into the bedsheets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “They didn’t even have to make an incision. All sorted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good, I guess.” I responded. “What else do they have to do?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing else really. They’re just going to keep you here for observation for another week, and then it’ll be back to the institution.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded glumly. “Alright…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your hair is growing back.” Indigo noted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is?” I questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep. It’s short, but it’s there. Looks good.” She complimented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Cool.” I responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo just smiled. “TV?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” I shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned the TV on and leaned back in her chair to watch it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How have you been?” I asked during an ad break.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “Pretty good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good.” I responded, a sense of happiness running through my words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A nurse entered the room with a tray of food. “Breakfast.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo took the food from her and the nurse walked out of the room. Indigo placed the tray on my lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to eat? How are you feeling?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I’ll try.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo nodded. “Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I had a few small bites of the food and started feeling full, but I pushed myself to eat a little bit more. I kept pushing and pushing and eventually most the food was gone. I smiled slightly, feeling accomplished.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good job kiddo!” Indigo praised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t believe I actually did it…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grinned and took the tray off me. “You did a good job.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s only one meal though…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Baby steps kiddo. I’m proud of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly. “Do you know when Sarah’s coming?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Later.” She shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Alright…”  I murmured. “I don’t mean to offend you when I ask for Sarah, by the way. Sorry if it comes across that way.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “It’s fine kiddo. I know you miss her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just as I responded, I heard her voice. “Come on!” I heard her encourage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She came in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-hi.”  I smiled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t look at me for some reason, but kept looking down the hall. “Yep, this is the room, come on!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-who are you w-waiting for?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned to face me. “Hey bub! I’m just waiting on some people I want you to meet.” She came over to the bedside and wrapped me in a hug. “How are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m g-good, I guess…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A girl about my age, maybe slightly older entered with a boy about Bandit’s age perched on her hip. “Hey Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked down at the bed, scared to engage in conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, this is Nicole and Jaxon.” Sarah introduced nervously, although she tried to maintain a comforting smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-hi…” I introduced in a whisper. “I-I’m K-Kaitlyn…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The girl put the boy on a chair and walked over. She extended a hand out for me to shake. “I’m Nicole. It’s so nice to finally meet you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“U-Um...okay?” I murmured, shrivelling up under the sheets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole awkwardly put her hand in her hoodie pocket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, um, Nicole and Jaxon are going to be staying with us for a while…” Sarah explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“L-like, at h-home?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bit my lip, more so in anxiety before nodding lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was another moment of awkward silence as everybody just looked at the floor, deciding what to say next. I tucked myself into a ball and rested my chin on my knees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can I j-just talk to y-you S-Sarah?” I asked hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, sure…” She responded, giving Nicole an unsure glance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole seemed reasonably understanding and picked the boy up, before walking out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-hello…” I stated once again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Kaitlyn. What’s up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know. A-All the people w-were freaking me out.” I explained. “I-I’m sorry…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry.” Sarah sighed. “It’s okay. But I promise, they’re nice kids.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sure they are. I j-just need to stop b-being such a pain.”  I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not a pain bub.” Sarah assured. “It’s okay. I understand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so…” I mumbled. “C-Can I have a hug?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled and pulled me close. “Course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thank you.” I whispered. “Everything h-has just been s-so hard lately.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. But it’s all going to get better now. I promise.” She assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I snuggled into her. “Thank you for coming back for me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. I’ll always be here for you bub.” She promised. “Always.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but you h-have your friends too. I d-doubt they’re more of a p-pain than I am…” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My friends? You mean Nicole and Jaxon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded lightly. “W-what should I c-call them?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go with….your siblings?” She suggested awkwardly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-maybe…” I responded quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Nicole and Jaxon were my neighbours when I moved into an apartment. However, their mother is sort of an alcoholic, and their father walked out on them when they found out that Jaxon has cerebral palsy and they didn’t really have anyone else so they’re sort of coming to live with us…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started crying slightly. I was feeling horribly jealous and although I knew I was being irrational, I couldn’t stop. The jealousy turned to envy which began to fuel hatred. I tried to ignore the festering feelings so I wouldn’t have to admit it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn?” Sarah asked gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what?” I responded, appearing slightly more angered than I intended to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you crying? Let’s talk through this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s silly…” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s not. Talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m jealous of them…” I whispered, slightly embarrassed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-because they g-get to be home and d-don’t have to d-deal with this and they g-get to spend all day w-with you…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah gave me a sad smile. “I want you home with me too. I’ll come here as much as I can, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Th-they n-need you. I h-have these machines and d-doctors to keep me entertained…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah shook her head. “But sometimes, a lot of the time, you need your Mom here too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I need my Mom always…” I mumbled, barely loud enough to hear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awwww.” Sarah mumbled, pulling me into another hug. “I need my Kaitlyn always too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-do you know h-how Dad is?”  I asked nervously, not pulling away from her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s doing good.” She assured. “He’s getting better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will I get to see him anytime soon?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As soon as he gets out, he’ll come straight here.” She told me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully. He’ll probably love the other two more.” I murmured. “Just like you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not true!” Sarah told me. “Kaitlyn, you’re my daughter, and I love you more than anything else on this planet. Same goes for Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-Nicole is a b-better daughter than m-me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you say that bub?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She-she-” I started before bursting into tears. “She i-isn’t in a hospital, sh-she doesn’t n-need mental help and sh-she isn’t some depressed m-maniac like me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh Kaitlyn.” Sarah sighed, hugging me tight. “I love you despite that. You’re beautiful and amazing and talented and you’re the best daughter I could ever hope for, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I j-just wanna go home.” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know bub. I know.” She whispered, holding me close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I cried into her shirt, probably wasting my time with her, but it felt so good to have it all out. I sniffled and wiped my tears away. “I-I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine bub. Completely fine.” She promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-d-don’t want to g-go back to th-the mental facility.” I blubbered quietly, stll holding Sarah tight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you don’t, but I’m afraid you have to.” Sarah replied nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I know…” I mumbled glumly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I </span>
  <em>
    <span>could </span>
  </em>
  <span>take you home, I would. It’s just, it’s out of my control. I’m so sorry Kaitlyn.” She apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s okay. I-I’m too crazy t-to go home anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not crazy.” Sarah promised. “You’re not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m in a m-mental facility M-Mom….I’m crazy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not crazy. It makes me really sad when you say that, because it’s not true.” She told me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It is.” I whimpered, nuzzling into her shoulder. “I-It is and wish s-so much that i-it wasn’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not true Kaitlyn. It’s not.” Sarah promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-How can you s-say that and mean it? I-It’s not true.” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn. You’re not crazy.” She said sternly. “And I never want you thinking otherwise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-then how do y-you explain the facility, th-the breakdowns?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The disorder.” She stated. “That’s all. Just a disorder. You’re not insane, you’re not crazy, and I don’t want you using those words.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. Just, don’t use them in the future okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I-I’ll try.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-your friends c-can come back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah’s smile grew wider. “I’ll go get them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She popped out for little while and returned with Nicole and Jaxon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sorry for t-telling you to l-leave…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole shrugged. “It’s fine. We went and found the ice machine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded unsurely. “H-How are y-you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good!” She smiled. “Yeah, I’m really good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good…” I responded, thrown back by her enthusiasm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-Nikki I n-need to go to the t-toilet…” Jaxon mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “I’ll be right back.” And with that, she left the room. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0063"><h2>63. Chapter 62- Watching The World Fall At Our Feet</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>*****Sarah’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jaxon, Nicole come on! We’ve got to go!”  I called from the front door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where?” Nicole groaned, dragging herself out of the bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To child services. We’re going to work everything out finally.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole nodded. “If you say so Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She went into the room and returned with a now dressed Jaxon. “Is everyone good to go?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yup!” Jaxon giggled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Awesome.” I opened the door and led everyone to the car. The drive was uneventful, surprisingly, but we got to the building early. Jaxon was sitting beside Nicole on a couch and was looking around at all the artwork.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A man soon came to retrieve us from where we were sitting. “Jespar’s? Right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole nodded and got up from her seat. She picked Jaxon up and carried him into the room, me following behind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We sat down in the office, another couple already sitting down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is Rachel and Darren. They’re a foster family around here. Rachel and Darren, meet Sarah, Nicole and Jaxon.” He introduced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The couple shot me a dirty glance, especially the woman.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi…” Nicole mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey sweetie.” She introduced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I’m Nicole, and this is my brother Jaxon…” She introduced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m six!” Jaxon added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman smiled. “That’s cool.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so I believe you are already fostering a child, is that correct?” The social worker asked the couple.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Kaitlyn.” The woman nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, and said child is where?” He then asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The hospital.” The man grunted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The social worker nodded. “May I ask why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, she was admitted for mental issues, and then her heart started messing up and now that’s what’s happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded once again. “Okay, and I suppose I should ask, how do you feel about parting with the child?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, she doesn’t seem to have any intentions of opening up to us. She seems to strongly hate us, and despite numerous attempts to make her happy, none are working. I’m sure she’s a good kid, but until she opens up, then we’re really lacking the motivation to continue fostering her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The social worker nodded and wrote something down. “And Sarah, you are the mother of this child?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “That is correct.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Are you two still interested in fostering children?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rachel nodded. “If we can find the right children, of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Jaxon and Nicole here are actually looking for a family. Would you be interested in getting to know them to see if they’d be a good fit for you?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” The woman smiled, giving them a friendly wave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The kids were taken into another room and I was called back in to talk about Kaitlyn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So are you wanting to gain custody of her?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Of course. She’s my daughter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so what led her to be taken out of your care?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, um, left her and my husband without explanation. I returned a week later after an epiphany and I’ve been trying to get her back since.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, and do you have intentions of leaving again?” He pushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Never again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well there is various paperwork to do if that hasn’t been done already. You’ll probably get her back this time, though if there is a next time, your chances are pretty slim.” He stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a nervous breath in. “Okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well go out to reception, they’ll take you to where you need to be, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for your help.” I nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All of a sudden, Nicole stormed back through the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go, Sarah.” She muttered angrily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, okay...what happened?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They don’t want Jaxon. They’re bloody fine to take me, but my brother who just needs the tiniest bit of extra help, no way! Argh!” She muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, um…. I’ve still got a bit more to do. Can you wait for a little bit?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m leaving.” She muttered. “Bye.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nicole!” I called. “Come on, just for a little bit. You can’t just leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was stupid to think that anyone would actually care.” She grumbled. “Bye.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And with that, she stormed out of the office, slamming the door behind her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“NICOLE!” I yelled, chasing after her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry Sarah!” She exclaimed, picking up speed. “Don’t worry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“GET BACK HERE NOW!” I demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“WHY?!” She screamed accusingly. “SO I CAN JUST MAKE LIFE HARD?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nicole!” I stated. “You don’t make life hard and I don’t know why you think that. You make life easier, better even.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I DON’T! NOBODY CARES ABOUT ME SARAH! I’M JUST A BURDEN ON EVERYBODY AROUND ME!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come here.” I instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head and backed away. “I’m going away. Where I’ll never bother anybody ever again!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nicole, please. Come back. Just let me talk to you. Running away doesn’t help. I know that for a fact.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled and continued taking slow steps backwards. “I-I’m leaving!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nicole, please. It’d kill me if I just let you walk away. Just stay, for me. Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Because I’m s-sick of being ignored! S-Sarah, nobody cares! N-Nobody!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I care Nicole. I care more than you’d think.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-You only care about getting K-Kaitlyn back! W-We don’t matter o-over them!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do Nicole. I care about you just as much as Kaitlyn. I promise. You matter so much to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “G-Goodbye S-Sarah. I m-might write…” She turned around and started running down the street.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I continued chasing her. “What about your brother?! You can’t just abandon him!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“E-Everybody else d-did!” She cried. “T-They left me t-too!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I caught up to her and grabbed her by the hand. “I’m not going to abandon you Nicole. I’ve never even considered it. I want you with me the whole way. I’m not going to leave you behind, especially not now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Then why a-are you trying t-to give us to a-another foster f-family?!” She accused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I’m a terrible parent! I ran away from my child Nicole!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you’re getting her back! Why can’t you keep us too?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to?” I asked. “Do you really want me to be your Mom?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-You’re the o-only one w-who’s e-ever cared a-and I d-don’t want to lose you!” She sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go back. Let’s go back, and then I can officially be your Mom. Then you can meet the puppies and Brendon and Kaitlyn and we’ll be a happy family, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“R-Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wrapped me in a hug. “T-Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I held her close. “It’s fine. It’s something I’ve been considering for awhile.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m s-sorry for f-freaking out…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” I soothed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Should we g-go back? O-Oh g-god…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, it’ll all be fine. Let’s go.” I assured</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I l-left Jax with those h-horrible people!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright. We’ll go get him and tell him what’s going to happen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and took my hand. “L-Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled and we walked back to the building and found Jaxon. He was completely silent and when I picked him up, he simply snuggled into me and fell asleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d like to foster these two permanently.” I stated. “Both of them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman simply nodded and shoved paperwork in my face. “Get busy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and took the paperwork started going through and signing them and filling out whatever I had to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can do the details one if you want.” Nicole suggested, grabbing a pen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you really want too…” I stated, handing her a piece of paper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled slightly. “No problem.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon watched me fill out the sheets. “What’s that Sarah?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“After I finish filling all this out, I’ll be your Mom.” I explained with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” He asked, amazed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Yep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wrapped me in a hug, his small arms reaching all the way around me. “You’re a good Mommy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled. “Thanks Jax.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem!” He smiled, snuggling into me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly and went back to the paperwork. I glanced up at the social worker and gulped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does this include Kaitlyn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” He answered unsurely. “I think so…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you check?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded and went through something on the computer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you written her down as one of the included children?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Then that should all be sorted out. As long as everything is filled in for her, you’ll be fine.” He explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” I nodded, going back to writing things down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s it going?” He asked, coming over to see where I was up to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pretty good.” I mumbled, not really paying attention to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright…” He murmured, going back to his desk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I finished the stack of paperwork and handed it to him. He handed me their birth certificates, medical history and all that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think that’s all of it. Good luck, I suppose.” I stated, looking over what he had on his computer screen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Well, goodbye Uries. Best of luck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” I stated, picking Jaxon up and resting him so he’d be comfortable. We walked out of the building and I had to buckle a droopy-eyed Jaxon into the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can go to sleep if you want bud, it’s alright. It’ll be awhile before we’re home.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Thanks Sarah.” He mumbled sleepily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole sat in the passenger seat, a huge smile on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you so much Sarah, I don’t know how I can ever repay you for this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to repay me at all. It was completely my choice.” I explained. “It’ll be a bit of surprise to my husband however.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her face fell slightly “Oh, right…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure he’ll be fine with it.” I tried to assure, not sure of it myself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope he doesn’t hate us…” Nicole mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if he has the capacity to hate. Trust me, he’s awesome.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded unsurely. “What was his name again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon.” I answered, smiling slightly at the thought of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, Brendon Urie?” She asked, joining his first name with my last name.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “That’s right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For some reason, I feel like I’ve heard his name before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “You might have. He’s a musician.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, right. I think I might have heard some of the girls at school talking about him. I don’t really pay attention when they’re talking about boys, so it probably just got mixed in with the jocks and such.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose that's understandable.” I stated, watching the road.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Yeah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well let’s get this conversation out of the way. Are you interested in switching schools? I just figure it’d be easier if you and Kaitlyn went to the same place.” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “Anywhere is better than where I'm going now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that makes it nice and easy. What should we do about Jax?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess we'll have to get him into the special school.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Hopefully there won’t be many issues there. Do you know where to school is?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can show you the website when we get home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Sounds like a plan. Now, talking about home, we have to take all the stuff from the apartment to the house.”  I stated. “Since that’s home now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole nodded. “That seems nice. I’ve never lived in a proper house before. Just apartments.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well hopefully you’ll enjoy it there.”  I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled into the apartment complex and carried a sleeping Jaxon up the stairs. After settling him down in the bed, I began putting all my clothes into bags.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come here Sarah!”  Nicole called.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up?” I asked as I found her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got the website for the school up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down and scrolled through it. “It’s about a 10 minute drive from the house. Not bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Will it work?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It should.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at the time. “It’s getting pretty late. Would you like me to cook something for dinner?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I can do it.” I said, getting up from my seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to. I feel like cooking something.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you like cooking?” I asked, sitting down slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “It can be fun.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, go for it. Kitchen’s all yours.” I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She disappeared into the kitchen and I heard all the pots and pans clattering. The was a big crash and I was going to see if she was okay, but I heard a series of light giggles follow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything okay?” I asked, poking my head around the corner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”  She giggled. “I was attacked by the drawer.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled. “Okay. If you need any help with anything, I’ll be in the living room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “ I’ll keep that in mind.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave her one last smile and went back to my computer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon enough, she was finished. “Dinner!” She called out to me before she went to get Jaxon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow. This looks amazing Nicole. Thank you.” I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s no problem. Hopefully it tastes good. It’s a new recipe.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grinned and picked a fork up. “It smells incredible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks…” She murmured, seemingly not used to compliments.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, should I try it?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you’re willing to risk it, sure.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a bite and couldn’t help but groan in pleasure. “This is beautiful Nicole!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She giggled. “Thanks Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How on earth can you cook like this? This is amazing!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “It’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>great Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is that great Nicole. I don’t know how you could think otherwise.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eh, it’s okay. If I had my spices, man, then that would be fantastic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds amazing. Are there certain things you like cooking?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I cook a little bit of everything, but I like making curries.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool.”  I responded. “Did you have a good nap Jaxon?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He yawned. “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. Is there anything you two want to do tomorrow?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Disneyland?” Jaxon asked hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No bud, not enough money.” Nicole said quietly, patting him on the arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled. “Maybe not tomorrow bud. Hopefully soon though.” I assured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” He asked, his eyes shining with excitement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Sure. But tomorrow, we need to move everything to the house and then I have to see Kaitlyn to explain what’s going on. I figured that’d bore you guys.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d like to meet Kaitlyn.” Nicole said. “If we’re going to be sharing a house, I figure it’s about time we met. Does she know about us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think so.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe that’s what we should do tomorrow.” She suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “How does that sound Jax?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds cool!” He grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Good to hear.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can I eat now?” He asked nervously, looking at the bowl in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole nodded and sat beside him, loading up a mouthful to give to Jaxon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Thanks…” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up Jaxon? You seem sad.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing.” He murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well if you want to talk, we’re here, okay?” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took the spoonful of food and chewed it glumly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once he finished, he sat silently at the table. Nicole had gone to do dishes so it was just me and him. “What’s bothering you bud?” I asked again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing.” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Its not nothing. You’re sad, and that makes me sad because I don’t know how to help you. Please, just tell me what’s wrong.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed and rested his head back on the chair. “Don’t worry Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am worrying. I want to make sure you’re happy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked down at his hands. “W-will you teach me to walk?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can try?”  I offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you do it?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just keeping working at it. Keep practising until you’re good at it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I keep trying b-but I can’t do it!” He sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, let’s go to the lounge room so we have more space.” I instructed. “I’ll see if I can help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I picked him up from the seat and carried him to the lounge and sat him down on the edge so his feet just touched the floor. I took his hands and stood just above him. “Are you ready?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “ J-Just don’t let me g-get hurt…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never bud. Here we go, just stand up first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled him to his feet and he teetered back and forth a couple of times before gaining his balance. “I-I don’t k-know about t-this anymore…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be okay, I promise. Don’t worry. I’m here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded unsurely. “W-What do I do now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, try to take a small step forward, alright?” I instructed. “I’ll step with you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His knee moved slightly and I could see on his face that he was really concentrating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It doesn’t w-work Sarah!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to pull him forward slightly, but not enough for him to fall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-This is useless.” He mumbled, letting his legs buckle beneath him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“ No, no. It’s not useless. You’ll get it. You just have to keep trying.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t Sarah!” He almost shouted. “My body doesn’t work!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled him into a hug. “I know it seems horrible and hard, but you need to keep trying for me, alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It won’t work!” He cried, pulling away from me. “Nothing works!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll find a way, I promise.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole walked in. “What’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re trying to work something out for him.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole bent down to her brother’s aid. “What’s wrong bud?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I c-can’t walk!” He cried, throwing himself onto the floor in tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Jax, we’ve been through this…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I j-just want to b-be normal!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole gently lifted him into her arms. “Bud, nobody is normal. Normal doesn’t exist.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cried into her shoulder. “I j-just w-want to be able to w-walk…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I’m sorry bud.” She apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I c-can’t do anything.” He sniffled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes you can. I’ve seen you.” I promised, sitting down next to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-nothing productive…” He murmured. “I-I can’t stay l-like this. I w-will be m-more and more useless as I g-get older.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not true…” Nicole said unsurely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It i-is! I-It’s not l-like I c-can get a j-job like this.” He whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s heaps of things you can do!” I tried to assure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like what!?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I paused. “Um…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His tears deepened. “There’s n-nothing…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could be a comedian?” Nicole suggested. “You tell the best jokes!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I have to b-be able to g-get around to p-places…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can drive you.” I said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-You won’t w-want to follow m-me everywhere.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re my brother Jax. I won’t ever want to leave your side.” Nicole said. “And I’ll get my licence soon, and then I’ll drive you around!’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stumbled away from us and curled up on the floor. He didn’t get very far but he squirmed under the coffee table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing Jax?” Nicole asked, rubbing her eyes in frustration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He murmured something we couldn’t hear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that bud?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m j-just waiting until I d-die…” He whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole sighed and pulled him out from under the coffee table. “Jaxon, you’re being silly. Come on, we’re going to watch a movie now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “D-don’t call me s-silly…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She put him down on the couch. “What do you want to watch?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head and snuggled himself into the couch, not looking away from the cushions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jaxon, it’s a movie, or bed time. What do you want to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-bed…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole sighed. “Bath first, then bed. Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “I don’t w-want a bath.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t have one this morning, so you’ve got to have one tonight. Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole carried him down the hall to the bathroom despite him crying and wailing the entire way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I followed them. “Get out Nikki! I want Sarah!” He yelled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole came out, tears pouring out of her eyes. She pushed past me and into the bedroom. I walked into the bathroom and Jaxon had his face in the water. I pulled him out of the tub and rested him on the floor, not wanting him in there any longer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing bud? That’s really dangerous.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cried in my arms. “I-I don’t w-want to be alive S-Sarah.” He whimpered. “L-Life’s already t-too hard and I-I’m only 6!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get you dressed.” I whispered. “Then we can talk about this over some hot chocolate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sniffled and pointed to the pair of pyjamas resting near the towel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a bit of struggle, I got him dressed. I picked him up to take him out and he was still crying into my shoulder.  gently dressed him and carried him out to the kitchen, before grabbing a plastic cup (with a lid) and making Jaxon some hot chocolate. He had quietened down, and was just silently staring at the ground.He was holding onto me as tight and he could and it seemed like he wasn’t going to let go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Feeling better bud?” I asked gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “M-maybe a little b-bit…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “So let’s talk about what happened. Why were you shouting at Nikki?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His face fell. “I-I don’t know. I-I was frustrated a-and it s-seemed like she w-wasn’t listening to m-me.” He sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nikki is a little upset right now, I think after we finish our drinks we should go say sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “I-I’m such a b-bad brother…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Everybody has bad days Jax, it’s not your fault. By tomorrow, we’ll all have forgotten about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I h-hasn’t j-just been a day th-though.”  He whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jax, I’m not denying that what you’re going through is tough. But I promise, as long as we stay positive, it won’t seem half as bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It just a-all feel pointless…” He murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wrapped him up tightly. “Let’s go watch some TV, and then we’ll go see Nikki, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded and snuggled into me, his head now resting on my shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled and carried him over to the couch, turning on some animated movie. I could tell he was only half-paying attention, but he seemed pretty content so I left it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When it finished, he looked up at me. “C-can we go see Nikki now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Course bud. Let’s go.” I said, picking him up and carrying him to the bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole was lying on the bed, staring at the wall. I put Jaxon down on the other side of the bed and just let him do the talking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He scrambled over to Nicole with some difficulty and wrapped his arms around her. “I’m sorry Nikki.” He apologised, burying his face in her shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned slightly. “Oh hey Jax. Hey, hey, it’s okay bud. It’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I shouldn’t have yelled at you. That was mean!” He whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole hugged him back. “It’s okay bud. I forgive you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thank you.” He sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay bud. Are you ready for bed?”</span>
</p><p><span>He nodded. “C</span> <span>an I h-have cuddles?” </span></p><p>
  <span>Nicole laughed. “Of course Jax. Of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled and climbed into the bedsheets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Night you two. Sleep well.” I said from the doorway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight Sarah!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I turned the light off and walked out of the room, heading back to my computer.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Kaitlyn’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked around the room and sighed, remember where I was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey kiddo!” Indigo greeted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi…” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling?” She asked, taking her seat in the visitors chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Nothing hurts, I suppose that’s good.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “That’s awesome! I have good news for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve been returned to Sarah’s care.” Indigo smiled. “No more Rachel and Darren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?!” I perked up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep.” She grinned. “She’s coming by later, just some things to sort out first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Things are finally sorting themselves out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo agreed. “They are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know if they sorted the pacemaker thing out?” I asked, lying down and snuggling into the bedsheets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “They didn’t even have to make an incision. All sorted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good, I guess.” I responded. “What else do they have to do?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing else really. They’re just going to keep you here for observation for another week, and then it’ll be back to the institution.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded glumly. “Alright…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your hair is growing back.” Indigo noted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is?” I questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep. It’s short, but it’s there. Looks good.” She complimented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Cool.” I responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo just smiled. “TV?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” I shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned the TV on and leaned back in her chair to watch it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How have you been?” I asked during an ad break.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “Pretty good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good.” I responded, a sense of happiness running through my words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A nurse entered the room with a tray of food. “Breakfast.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo took the food from her and the nurse walked out of the room. Indigo placed the tray on my lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to eat? How are you feeling?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I’ll try.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo nodded. “Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I had a few small bites of the food and started feeling full, but I pushed myself to eat a little bit more. I kept pushing and pushing and eventually most the food was gone. I smiled slightly, feeling accomplished.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good job kiddo!” Indigo praised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t believe I actually did it…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grinned and took the tray off me. “You did a good job.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s only one meal though…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Baby steps kiddo. I’m proud of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly. “Do you know when Sarah’s coming?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Later.” She shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Alright…”  I murmured. “I don’t mean to offend you when I ask for Sarah, by the way. Sorry if it comes across that way.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “It’s fine kiddo. I know you miss her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just as I responded, I heard her voice. “Come on!” I heard her encourage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She came in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-hi.”  I smiled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t look at me for some reason, but kept looking down the hall. “Yep, this is the room, come on!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-who are you w-waiting for?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned to face me. “Hey bub! I’m just waiting on some people I want you to meet.” She came over to the bedside and wrapped me in a hug. “How are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m g-good, I guess…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A girl about my age, maybe slightly older entered with a boy about Bandit’s age perched on her hip. “Hey Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked down at the bed, scared to engage in conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, this is Nicole and Jaxon.” Sarah introduced nervously, although she tried to maintain a comforting smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-hi…” I introduced in a whisper. “I-I’m K-Kaitlyn…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The girl put the boy on a chair and walked over. She extended a hand out for me to shake. “I’m Nicole. It’s so nice to finally meet you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“U-Um...okay?” I murmured, shrivelling up under the sheets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole awkwardly put her hand in her hoodie pocket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, um, Nicole and Jaxon are going to be staying with us for a while…” Sarah explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“L-like, at h-home?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bit my lip, more so in anxiety before nodding lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was another moment of awkward silence as everybody just looked at the floor, deciding what to say next. I tucked myself into a ball and rested my chin on my knees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can I j-just talk to y-you S-Sarah?” I asked hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, sure…” She responded, giving Nicole an unsure glance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole seemed reasonably understanding and picked the boy up, before walking out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-hello…” I stated once again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Kaitlyn. What’s up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know. A-All the people w-were freaking me out.” I explained. “I-I’m sorry…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry.” Sarah sighed. “It’s okay. But I promise, they’re nice kids.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sure they are. I j-just need to stop b-being such a pain.”  I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not a pain bub.” Sarah assured. “It’s okay. I understand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so…” I mumbled. “C-Can I have a hug?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled and pulled me close. “Course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thank you.” I whispered. “Everything h-has just been s-so hard lately.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. But it’s all going to get better now. I promise.” She assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I snuggled into her. “Thank you for coming back for me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. I’ll always be here for you bub.” She promised. “Always.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but you h-have your friends too. I d-doubt they’re more of a p-pain than I am…” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My friends? You mean Nicole and Jaxon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded lightly. “W-what should I c-call them?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go with….your siblings?” She suggested awkwardly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-maybe…” I responded quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Nicole and Jaxon were my neighbours when I moved into an apartment. However, their mother is sort of an alcoholic, and their father walked out on them when they found out that Jaxon has cerebral palsy and they didn’t really have anyone else so they’re sort of coming to live with us…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started crying slightly. I was feeling horribly jealous and although I knew I was being irrational, I couldn’t stop. The jealousy turned to envy which began to fuel hatred. I tried to ignore the festering feelings so I wouldn’t have to admit it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn?” Sarah asked gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what?” I responded, appearing slightly more angered than I intended to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you crying? Let’s talk through this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s silly…” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s not. Talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m jealous of them…” I whispered, slightly embarrassed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-because they g-get to be home and d-don’t have to d-deal with this and they g-get to spend all day w-with you…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah gave me a sad smile. “I want you home with me too. I’ll come here as much as I can, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Th-they n-need you. I h-have these machines and d-doctors to keep me entertained…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah shook her head. “But sometimes, a lot of the time, you need your Mom here too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I need my Mom always…” I mumbled, barely loud enough to hear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awwww.” Sarah mumbled, pulling me into another hug. “I need my Kaitlyn always too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-do you know h-how Dad is?”  I asked nervously, not pulling away from her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s doing good.” She assured. “He’s getting better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will I get to see him anytime soon?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As soon as he gets out, he’ll come straight here.” She told me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully. He’ll probably love the other two more.” I murmured. “Just like you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not true!” Sarah told me. “Kaitlyn, you’re my daughter, and I love you more than anything else on this planet. Same goes for Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-Nicole is a b-better daughter than m-me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you say that bub?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She-she-” I started before bursting into tears. “She i-isn’t in a hospital, sh-she doesn’t n-need mental help and sh-she isn’t some depressed m-maniac like me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh Kaitlyn.” Sarah sighed, hugging me tight. “I love you despite that. You’re beautiful and amazing and talented and you’re the best daughter I could ever hope for, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I j-just wanna go home.” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know bub. I know.” She whispered, holding me close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I cried into her shirt, probably wasting my time with her, but it felt so good to have it all out. I sniffled and wiped my tears away. “I-I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine bub. Completely fine.” She promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-d-don’t want to g-go back to th-the mental facility.” I blubbered quietly, stll holding Sarah tight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you don’t, but I’m afraid you have to.” Sarah replied nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I know…” I mumbled glumly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I </span>
  <em>
    <span>could </span>
  </em>
  <span>take you home, I would. It’s just, it’s out of my control. I’m so sorry Kaitlyn.” She apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s okay. I-I’m too crazy t-to go home anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not crazy.” Sarah promised. “You’re not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m in a m-mental facility M-Mom….I’m crazy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not crazy. It makes me really sad when you say that, because it’s not true.” She told me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It is.” I whimpered, nuzzling into her shoulder. “I-It is and wish s-so much that i-it wasn’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not true Kaitlyn. It’s not.” Sarah promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-How can you s-say that and mean it? I-It’s not true.” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn. You’re not crazy.” She said sternly. “And I never want you thinking otherwise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-then how do y-you explain the facility, th-the breakdowns?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The disorder.” She stated. “That’s all. Just a disorder. You’re not insane, you’re not crazy, and I don’t want you using those words.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. Just, don’t use them in the future okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I-I’ll try.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-your friends c-can come back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah’s smile grew wider. “I’ll go get them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She popped out for little while and returned with Nicole and Jaxon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sorry for t-telling you to l-leave…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole shrugged. “It’s fine. We went and found the ice machine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded unsurely. “H-How are y-you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good!” She smiled. “Yeah, I’m really good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good…” I responded, thrown back by her enthusiasm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-Nikki I n-need to go to the t-toilet…” Jaxon mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “I’ll be right back.” And with that, she left the room. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0064"><h2>64. Chapter 63- Homeward Bound</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Brendon!” Sam enthused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed, honestly fed up with her enthusiasm and threw my face into the pillows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just sick of waking up in the place.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “I’ve got some good news for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” I asked, not moving my face from its pillowy trap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re going home today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t realise it was April 1st already.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not joking Brendon. You’re being released. Your wife is already on her way to come and pick you up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not believing you. I’ve been here forever and it doesn’t seem like I’m leaving.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are Brendon. You’re leaving.” She told me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned. “That means I have to get up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam chuckled. “Yes, you do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled myself out of bed and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. “Now I just need to make myself presentable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Showers are open.” She shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed a towel and a change of clothes and quickly showered, before getting changed and gathering the rest of my stuff. Sam led me to the lobby and I sat on the chair, swinging my legs around in a childlike manner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you seem a lot happier now.” She observed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s because I’m going home.” I stated with a grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “I suppose that’s understandable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know when Sarah is going to be here?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A few minutes, probably.” She answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door opened. “Hi!” Sarah greeted when she saw me. “I missed you so much.” She stated wrapping me in a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled her in tightly. “I missed you too…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ready to go home?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I’m really ready.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good.” She smiled, pulling away. She walked over to the reception desk to make sure we were all good before we left the building.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I practically skipped to the car. “I’m finally out!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She giggled. “You are.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we get ice cream?” I asked. “Please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” She giggled. “Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We left the institution and drove to the ice cream parlour. I ordered a giant sundae and giggled as I ate it all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you enjoying yourself there?” She asked, stifling a giggle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “It’s awesome!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head and laughed. “I swear, you’re going to make yourself sick.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I don’t care. I want to celebrate!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well don’t take forever. Gerard wants to see you too. He also has plans to celebrate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I lifted the bowl and tipped the remainder of the sundae down my throat. “Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We drove to the Way’s house and were immediately greeted by Bandit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“UNCLE BREN!” She smiled, hugging my leg.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Bee!” I smiled, hugging her back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you back for good yet?” She asked, looking up at me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Yep, I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yay!” She enthused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled. “What do you want to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “Daddy wanted to talk to you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s Daddy?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think he’s in his office.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ruffled Bandit’s hair. “I’ll go see him. See you soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wandered into Gerard’s office and knocked on the door. “Hey Gee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon! Hey!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “How are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m pretty good. How are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just got out and had a massive ice cream sundae, so I’m going to say pretty good.” I giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckled. “Sounds great. Let’s go out into the lounge.” He suggested. “Do you want a coffee?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good.” I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked into the lounge room with Gerard walking into the kitchen. I sat next to Sarah and Lindsey in the lounge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Brendon.” Lindsey greeted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Linds. How are you?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m actually really good. You?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grinned. “Same here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good.” She responded. “What are your plans for the rest of the day?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was hoping for more ice cream…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed. “Let’s hold on the on ice cream, alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I don’t want you getting sick.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sick. Ice cream makes me happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too!” Bandit added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you just got out. I’m not having you bed-bound. I’ve been sick lately, I don’t want you having to deal with that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and slumped in the couch. “Can we have chocolate then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about no more sugar?” She suggested. “You’ve already had way too much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that sucks.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry babe.” She apologised. “I’m trying to make sure you feel good, that’s all. That sundae had way more sugar than is necessary.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what was good about it…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm sorry…” She murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard handed me some coffee. “How about we do something that’s not consuming sugar?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you suggest?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We could watch a movie.” He shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah shook her head. “We’ve got to get back to Nicole and Jax.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard nodded. “Makes sense.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s that?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um….they’re, they’re kids who are living with us.” She explained nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” I asked, confusion laced through my words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, they're sort of your new daughter and son. I’m fostering them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a second to take that in. “Why didn’t you tell me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you’d just say no…” She admitted. “And I didn’t want you getting mad.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I’m supposed to father two new children I’ve never met?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you even think about this before you made the decision?!” I snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So these children are staying in our house?” I asked, running a hand through my hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed “What about Kaitlyn?! Does she even know?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “She found out about a week ago.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did she say? Is she upset?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was a bit. She thought we’d love them more than her then she got jealous.” She admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned. “Sarah, this was NOT a good idea!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry Brendon!” She started crying. “I felt so bad for them!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and rubbed my eyes. “Alright. Sit down. Tell me how you met them, what happened, and why the hell you decided to foster them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-well they were my neighbours in my apartment when I left. Nicole found me when I was crying because I felt guilty then we just sort of formed a friendship. She told me about her Mom being an alcoholic and her father leaving once he found out her brother, Jaxon had cerebral palsy, so she had no one. Child services tried to send them to the foster family Kaitlyn was at but they wouldn’t take Jaxon and Nicole freaked out so I told her I would take care of them…” She recounted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I drummed my fingers on the coffee table. “How old are they?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nicole is 15 and Jaxon is 6.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “One month. We’ll trial this for one month. If it doesn’t work, then they go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded tearfully. “O-okay,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned, seeing she was upset. “Two. They’ve got two months.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank y-you Brendon.” She sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled her into a hug. “I’m sorry for making you cry. This is just a lot to take in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “D-don’t apologise. Everything has been setting me off. I know it’s a lot and I should’ve talked to you but it just seemed like the right thing to do.” She stated, wiping her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled. “Curse your heart of gold. It’s okay. I forgive you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She held me tight. “Do you think you’re ready to meet them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye Gerard, Lindsey! See you soon hopefully!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bandit ran up and hugged me. “See you later Uncle Bren!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye Bee.” I smiled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We left the Way house and headed down towards the Urie household. I started figiting nervously as we drew closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright Bren?” Sarah asked, grabbing my hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I um, yeah…” I mumbled, looking out the window.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?” She pushed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if </span>
  <em>
    <span>they </span>
  </em>
  <span>don’t like </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why wouldn’t they like you babe?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Because I’ve just come out of an institution…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “That doesn’t define you though Brendon.” Sarah assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded uncertainly. “O-Okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be fine.”  She vowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a deep breath as she pulled up at the house. “Let’s do this…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah held my hand as we walked in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nicole, Jax! I’m home!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A girl a bit older than Kaitlyn walked around the corner. “Hey Sarah. Oh, is this…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “Nicole, meet Brendon. Brendon, meet Nicole.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi…” I stated awkwardly. “Nice to meet you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook my hand. “Same here. Sarah’s told me lots about you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god…” I murmured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She giggled. “Don’t worry. All good things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d hope so. So you have a brother I believe?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Jaxon’s in the lounge room. Come on through, I’ll introduce you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I followed her into the lounge room where a young boy was watching TV.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jax?” Nicole called  to get his attention. He looked up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is Brendon.” She introduced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boy seemed shy and cowered away slightly. “H-Hi…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi.” I smiled sitting next to him. “I’m Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m J-Jaxon.” He introduced nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a cool name.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess…” He murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up buddy?” I asked. “You seem sad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m just n-nervous…” he mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s alright. I was nervous to meet you too.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Y-you don’t have to be…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you don’t either, but sometimes we just can’t control nerves.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Do you like cartoons?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “They’re alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will you watch with me?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure!” I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We sat on the couch for a while and just watched the cartoons, until he started squirming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up Jaxon?” I asked, turning to face him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can you g-go get Nikki for me?” He asked nervously. “P-Please h-hurry…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” I leapt up and went to the dining room where Sarah and Nicole were sitting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your, um...your brother wants you, like, now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He probably needs the bathroom.” Nicole muttered, getting up and going back to the lounge room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down at the table and sighed. “This is going to take some getting used to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “But we’ll get used to it. I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You said two months. We’ll get used to it by then, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole returned. “All done.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just the bathroom.” She shrugged. “Nothing big.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Alright. I’m going back out there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “Have fun. Nicole and I are going to cook dinner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled before going back out to the lounge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry about before…” Jaxon mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright bud.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just sighed and turned his attention back to the television.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you really like cartoons, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s all I really do, so I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool, I suppose.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What sort of TV do you like Mr Brendon?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled at the name. “I’m not sure. You can just call me Brendon if you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay.” He nodded. “What sort of things do you like to do Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I make music in my spare time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool.” He nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It certainly is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole poked her head in. “Dinner’s ready guys.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You ready for dinner bud?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded and held his arms out to his sister.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole picked him up and carried him to the dining room where the table was already set. She set Jaxon down and started feeding him. I tried my hardest to ignore it but his periodic glum stares toward me and Sarah didn’t help. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This food is really good.” I said to Sarah and Nicole, trying to avoid the silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled. “Nicole’s really good at cooking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole blushed. “It’s really nothing…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once she had finished feeding him, she sat down and started eating her now cold food.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to warm that up in the microwave?” Sarah asked, pointing to the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “It’s fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?” I asked. “It’s no trouble.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright. Cold food doesn’t bother me that much anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah took the bowl from her. “It should. Let’s warm it up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, please. Don’t worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah put it in the microwave. “Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “It’s not a big deal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah just sighed. “Look, We’re going to take Jaxon duty at mealtimes in turns. I’ll do one day, you do the next. And after, you warm your food up so it’s hot when you eat it, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t matter Sarah! Don’t worry about him! I’m fine! He’s fine!” She snapped before storming out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I put my fork down. “What was that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah shrugged. “I honestly don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should we go see her?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess so?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I quickly finished my food and put my plate in the sink. “Where would she be?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Try the guest room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wandered down to the guest room and knocked on the closed door lightly. “Can I come in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s your house…” I heard her whimper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pushed the door open and sat down next to her on the bed. “Hey Nicole.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-hi…” She whispered, wiping her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened out there?” I asked, resting my head on a pillow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know. I w-was just frustrated.” She murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why exactly?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It felt like Sarah didn’t think I was responsible and like she didn’t trust me. I’ve grown up being so independant and it’s hard trying to live a different way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I know. But you have to know that we’re just trying to help you and make life easier for you. So you don’t have to do as much, and you’ve got more time for yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “You don’t have to really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s why you’re here and not back at your old house, so you DON’T have to do everything yourself. It’ll take some getting used to, but I promise it’ll get easier with time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so…” She murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, do you want to come and finish dinner?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I held my hand out to her. “Come on. If you finish, I’ll show you my studio.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed before taking my hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I led her back to the kitchen and handed her the bowl, sitting down next to her as she ate. Sarah and Jaxon were back in the lounge, watching a movie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After she’d finished about half she took her plate to the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nicole, finish it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s fine. I’m just not really hungry.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, just eat.” I sighed. “Please don’t be Kaitlyn. Just eat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just don’t want to have to go for a run to work it all off, since this is a new area.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to run. You just have to eat.” I sighed, slumping back in the chair and hoping, praying, that she didn’t have a similar attitude towards food as Kaitlyn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do have to. If I eat more I run more. I calculated the perfect amount that should allow me to not have to go out. If I eat that much until I get to know the area, then I won’t have to worry about putting on too much weight. Simple.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt like banging my head against the wall. I pushed her back into the chair and put the bowl in front of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eat. Now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Why? I literally just explained my plan to you.” She asked,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I don’t care. Eat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to eat. You should respect that.” She argued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I respect your health and because of that you need to eat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t. I’m fine.” She told me. “I’ve been doing this for ages. It’s truly not a problem.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah!” I called.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is she going to benefit the situation exactly?” Nicole asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah walked out to my side. “What’s going on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “We have a Kaitlyn situation.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In what way exactly?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s refusing to eat.” I said, gesturing to Nicole’s bowl.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why won’t you eat Nicole?” She asked, sitting beside her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because!” she stated as if it was obvious. “If I eat any more then I’ll have to run it off and considering that I don’t know the area, I figured this was a safe bet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed. “Alright, just eat this and then in the morning we’ll go for a walk and work out a safe track for you, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “But by morning it’ll be too late to run it off!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes but if we work out a safe route for you now, you’ll know in the future. Now come on, eat up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head and folded her arms. “No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nicole, you have to eat. You aren’t allowed to leave here until you do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess I’ll be here a while then.” She shrugged, making herself comfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eat.” Sarah stated sternly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t.” She stated plainly. “I won’t be able to sleep knowing that I haven’t run off what I’ve eaten.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes you can. You were fine earlier today.” Sarah stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s because I ran many laps around the yard.” She sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on Nicole. It’s one meal. Just eat it, please.” I tried to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “No Brendon. I’m sorry, but no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, just eat. I know you don’t want to but it’s horrible to think I’ll have to do this for both you and Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Kaitlyn has difficulty, but I promise, as long as I start running it’ll all work out. I ate more than half the bowl, can I please just go?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not until you finish. We made that clear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She huffed and folded her arms again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eat your food. You gave yourself a serving that large, so you’re going to eat it all.” Sarah stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She narrowed her eyes. “Make me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will spoon feed you.” I stated. “And it won’t be enjoyable at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She rolled her eyes. “As if.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I picked up the spoon and load it with food. “Ready?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing with that Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you think?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wouldn’t dare…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shoved the spoon into her mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now swallow.” I directed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She started choking and gagging before she spat the food back in the bowl.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There is no winning.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-Nikki!” Jaxon called from the lounge room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah went to go help him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s calling for me!” She yelled, getting up from her seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah pushed her down. “I’ll go.” She stated, heading for the lounge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is stupid.” Nicole muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I handed her the spoon. “Just eat and it’ll all be over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had a few bites before throwing the spoon onto the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” I mumbled, taking the bowl and spoon to the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She jumped up and raced to the lounge room. A few moments later, she returned with a slight frown.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah helped him….” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that's not necessarily a bad thing.” I responded. “She will be able to help him if you aren’t here if she learns now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not needed…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are Nicole. Why do you think you aren’t? Because Sarah did something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because my brother doesn’t need me any more…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I doubt that’s true. You’re his sister. He’d miss you heaps if you weren’t around.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “I’m going to bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. See you in the morning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She left and walked to the bedroom. I picked myself up from the table and walked out to the lounge room, joining Sarah and Jaxon on the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey guys!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Bren!” Sarah smiled, making room for me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you guys up to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re watching teenage mutant ninja turtles!” Jaxon smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awesome!” I enthused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah snuggled into me. “Where’d Nicole go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She went to bed.” I answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is she okay?” Sarah whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I honestly don’t know.” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go see her.” She shrugged, getting up from her spot, accidently knocking the pillow Jaxon was leaning on. He lost his balance and fell back on the couch with a quiet </span>
  <em>
    <span>thud</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You alright bud?” I asked, shuffling closer to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tried to pull himself up with no success. He simply sighed and looked up at the ceiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, it’s alright little man. Don’t worry.” I stated, pulling him into a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-Thanks Brendon…” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright. You’re a cool kid, ya know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “Maybe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that’s what I think at least.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can you put the pillow back so I can s-sit?” He asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” I answered, readjusting the pillow to where it had been before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” He mumbled, turning back to the TV.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah came back, only looking frustrated and sat beside me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is N-Nikki okay?” Jaxon asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, she’s fine. She should be back to normal in the morning.” Sarah assured him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is she not normal now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s just in a bit of a mood.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Has she gone grumpy?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “Yeah. She just needs some time alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon nodded and turned back to the TV.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does she get grumpy often?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only sometimes.” He responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmmm…” Sarah murmured. She fell silent and snuggled into me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the movie was finished, Sarah tucked Jaxon into bed next to a sleeping Nicole, and we curled up in our own bed. It was nice to be home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s so good to have you back.” She murmured, cuddling me as she got comfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too Bren.” </span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Kaitlyn’s Point of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you don’t want to be here Kaitlyn, but you have to.” Indigo stated and I moped around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I want to b-be with my M-Mom and D-Dad.” I whimpered, curling up under my blanket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know kiddo, I know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I fought back tears. “W-When can they c-come?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tomorrow.” She answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “T-That’s so far a-away…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be here sooner than you’ll think, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled the blanket over my face and tucked myself up in a ball. “I-I hate it h-here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. Hopefully you won’t be here too much longer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled again and didn’t respond with anything other than silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I can’t do more kiddo.” Indigo whisper, rubbing my back. “I really wish I could.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took my blanket and crawled under the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hiding.” I responded simply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you hiding?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you’re going to have to come out to eat soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Neither of those things sound good, so I’m going to stay here.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well it wasn’t really a choice.” She sighed. “Hiding isn’t going to help you kiddo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I d-don’t care.” I mumbled, resting my head on the ground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please come out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I d-don’t want t-to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She held her hand out to me. “You shouldn’t be under there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shuffled away from her hand. “I-I d-don’t want to c-come out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you don’t but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Too bad…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, please.” She sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I curled up as far away from the sides of the bed as possible. “I-I’m staying h-here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You’re only going to be here longer if you don’t follow direction Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can’t I j-just sit h-here for a while?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” She sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly and relaxed a little, starting at the bottom of the furniture and Indigo’s shoes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything interesting down there?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“L-Lot’s of things.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Care to enlighten me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t respond.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door opened. I could tell because it was slightly brighter now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, food. Come on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I held my breath and didn’t say anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, you have to come out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I maintained my silence, hoping she’d just forget about me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, come out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-No, I-I’m s-staying h-here.” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo pulled me lightly from under the bed. “Come on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shuffled away from her. “N-No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head and backed into the corner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, what’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m n-not g-going.” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk to me. Why are you acting like this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t say anything, only backed further into the corner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, please, tell me what’s going on so I can try to help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head and shivered slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She walked up to me and crouched down. “What’s up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t respond and tried to use the blanket as a barrier between us.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, please. If you keep acting like this, more people are going to be in here. Just talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started shaking and although I wanted to speak, I couldn’t seem to get my mouth to move.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo pulled out what I had recognised as my emergency medication. “Take this.” She stated, holding two pills and a water bottle out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I curled up in a ball and started crying, knowing that I couldn’t bring myself to crawl out from my spot to get the medication.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She essentially forced the pills into the mouth and held the water bottle for me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on kiddo. Swallow.” She whispered, pulling me from under the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I forced the pills down my throat though afterwards, I felt exhausted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up?” She asked, sitting me down on the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why wouldn’t you come out from under the bed?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was just overwhelmed and scared.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What were you scared of?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Afraid of things just getting worse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, hiding under a bed is going to do just that kiddo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I wasn’t really thinking straight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Do you want me to grab your blanket?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-Please…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grabbed it from under the bed and returned it to my shaking hands. “Here kiddo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem. Now, are you ready to come and eat?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ll try…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool. Let’s go.” she said, taking my hand. “You can bring the blanket if you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She led me out to the dining room, where most of the kids were sitting and eating already. I was handed a plate of food, and I reluctantly sat down at an empty table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I silently picked at the food, not making much progress. Indigo came over to me once everyone else had basically left. “Still going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m not h-hungry…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. Just have a little bit more, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to shake my head. “I-I don’t want a-any more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just a little bit more. I’m not going to make you eat as much tonight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tucked my knees up to my chest. “I-I don’t want a-any.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just one bite, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “P-Please n-no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Alright. Let’s go to your room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I lept up from the seat and raced back to the room, crawling back to my spot underneath the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t go under there Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-too late.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come out Kaitlyn. Being down there won’t help you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-nothing can h-hurt me h-here.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your thoughts can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “C-Can I sleep d-down here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. Come on, come out here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t w-want to…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you don’t. You’ve made it obvious. You need to come out though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because in the case of an emergency, it’s hard for you to evacuate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-There’s not g-going to be a-an emergency.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt my heart start to pound. “I-Is there?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There is a faux evacuation later, yes.” She responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I scrambled out from under the bed and crawled under the bedsheets. “I-I’m s-scared!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s going to be fine. It’s pretend. You’ll be fine.” She promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m s-still scared!” I panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright, I promise. There’s nothing to be scared of. You just have follow everyone out of the building to the meeting point, alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started shaking. “I-I can’t d-do t-this I-Indigo!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you scared?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Because s-sirens are g-going to go o-off and then e-everyone’s gonna l-leave and i-it’s going to be cold outside a-and they’re a-all going to s-see me like t-this and, and, and!” I panicked, starting to hyperventilate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh, it’s okay. You’ll be fine. I’ll be beside you the entire time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I fell from my feet to the ground and started crying, although I couldn’t pinpoint why.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright. You’ll be alright.” She promised, rubbing my back,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-” I struggled, unable to string a sentence together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. Just try to relax.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was practically rigid. “I-I-I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Focus on breathing first. In and out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-” I stammered, desperately trying to tell her that I couldn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want a breathing mask?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to nod, although my neck seemingly didn’t move.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She must’ve assumed my answer was yes because she left the room and soon returned with a breathing mask. She strapped it on my face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, In and out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-” I struggled, rasping as I tried to breathe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, Kaitlyn. I know you’re trying but you really need to get air into your lungs. It could get so much worse if you don’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All of a sudden, alarms started blaring through the building and the lights flickered off, bringing nothing but darkness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I screamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh, calm down. Let’s go, alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was frozen stiff in fear. I whimpered and grabbed her leg.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have to get out. If you can’t take yourself I’ll have to carry you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I clenched my eyes closed and covered my eyes, hoping to block out the sound.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt her pick me up and pick up the unit for the breathing mask and started walking out of the building alongside everyone else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened with this one?” Another doctor asked Indigo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was freaking out before the alarms but when they went off she basically froze in fear.” Indigo explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to take her?” The man asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I need to check up on the rest of my group.” Indigo stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo set me down on the ground and the man sat beside me. “Are you alright? Is your breathing all good now?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was still shaking. “I-I n-need my M-Mom!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s not here right now, I’m sorry. You need to try to calm down.” The doctor apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t w-without her!” I cried, falling back onto the grass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you’re going to have to since she isn’t here right now, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My shaking grew worse. “W-Where’s I-Indigo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s over making sure her group of people got out here safely.” He explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I n-need her!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well she’s a little bit busy right now, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I managed to pull myself to my feet. “B-Bye…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are you going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I turned around and started sprinting away from the group and where they were sitting. I raced down the street, away from the institution, and I turned around the corner into another street that I recognised immediately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-No…” I stammered as I came face to face with Hungin’s Home for Girls. I fell to my knees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard rhythmic footsteps approaching. “Kaitlyn?” Indigo asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I simply collapsed and started crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, Kaitlyn, calm down. It’s okay.” Indigo said, bending down and pulling me into a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I saw a light flicker on at the group home and the door opened as a familiar figure walked out, overlooking the street.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I froze in Indigo’s grasp and clamped my eyes shut. I curled up and tried to make myself seemingly invisible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn what’s wrong?” She asked, worried by my sudden movements.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, um, I saw her from my room… I used to be her roommate. I-Is she okay?” I heard a familiar voice ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-don’t hurt m-me.” I whimpered, snuggling up to Indigo, looking for protection.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, not at the moment.” Indigo stated. “But don’t worry. You should probably head back inside.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um….okay....” She whispered before I heard her leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s gone kiddo.” Indigo whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I cried into Indigo’s shoulder. “T-take me b-back.” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re sending a car. We just need to wait a minute or two.” She replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I hate it h-here. I-I don’t want to wait.” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A car pulled up beside us and Indigo helped me inside, where I curled up on the seat and continued crying all the way back to the institution.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was still horribly traumatised from just seeing that place again that I was frozen and Indigo had to take me in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to talk about what happened?” She asked as she put me on my bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I sort of h-have to, d-don’t I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me what happened.” She said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-that w-was my o-old group h-home…” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see. And that girl was your roommate?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Sh-she was r-r-really mean to m-me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was really worried about you out on the street. And she was sincere.” Indigo stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know why. Sh-she was the o-one who b-beat me up and g-gave me brain d-damage.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo was quiet. “I don’t know Kaitlyn. People change.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-maybe she d-did. I d-didn’t w-want to risk i-it though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s understandable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry I r-ran away…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “I can’t say it was the best thing to do, but I’m glad you’re apologising.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what’s going to h-happen?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your stay might be extended. I’m waiting to hear back, and I know you don’t want to hear this...but you might not be allowed visitors this week.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked down but glumly nodded. “I-I’m sorry…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay kiddo. I forgive you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can I go to b-bed?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Yes, you can go to bed. Should I stay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only if you want to.”  I murmured, shutting my eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll stay for a while, or at least until you’re asleep.” I heard Indigo say before I drifted off.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0065"><h2>65. Chapter 64 - Redefining Normality.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>****Brendon’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ready to go in Bren?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I finished styling my hair. “Yep. Ready to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Let’s go. We can’t talk to Robert for too long though, remember.” She instructed. “We do have to get to Dr Jo’s office later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Kaitlyn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed. “We can’t see her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She ran away. Her punishment was not being allowed visitors.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean she ran away? Did she do it like I did?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They had an evacuation drill. She ran away when they got outside.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “So, we’re not allowed to see her for yet another week?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sadly not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned. “That sucks!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Bren, but we can’t do anything about it.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pushed past her. “Let’s just go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She trailed behind me as I walked into the office. I tried to hide my frustration though I mustn’t’ve have done a good job considering everyone was staring at me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon! How are you feeling bud?” Robert asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been better.” I huffed, sitting down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He seemed uncomfortable. “So, about the single…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right….So what do I need to do for it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing really...we just need to choose a release date.” He explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Alright. When do you suggest?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was thinking, maybe Christmas Day. How does that sound to you two?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good to me.” I answered. “Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds pretty good.” She affirmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Settled then.” He mumbled, tapping something out. “Do you reckon you’re well enough to do a show?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked down. “I honestly don’t think so. I would love to though.” I answered. “What do you think Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s gotten a lot better, but I say we wait a couple of months.” She told Robert, taking my hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Robert nodded. “That’s fine.” He responded. “It’s good to hear you’ve gotten better though.” He smiled slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked down at my lap. “Is this all?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, yeah, unless you have more to say.” Robert stated,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Bye Robert.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Goodbye Brendon.” He said waving me off. “And Sarah. Stay safe!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye.” I mumbled, eager to get out of this building.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah and I walked out of the studio and out to the car. She sat down in the car and sighed. “Why on earth was that so tense Brendon?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know. I want to go home.” I murmured, curling up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can’t go home yet Bren, you know that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I don’t wanna go to therapy Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You never want to go to therapy Brendon.” She responded, pulling out of the carpark.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But this time I mean it…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you want to go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I’m tense and tired and I just want to sleep now.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m sorry Bren, but I’m probably not the person you should be talking to about. If you're lucky she’ll cut the session short.” Sarah stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “You could just drive home and not show up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I want you to get better and that means you have to go to therapy. I’m sorry.” She murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I slammed my fist on the dash in frustration, before sighing in defeat and curling up on the seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah was still really on edge from my sudden burst of frustration. “Let’s just get it over and done with.” She stated shakily, beginning the drive to the office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry f-for s-scaring you…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine…” She stammered, still focused on the road.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We arrived at the familiar building and I found myself frozen in my seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t g-go in Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not Brendon?” She asked, turning to face me. “What’s up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just c-can’t!” I panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, what’s going on?” She asked, taking my hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook her hand away and started tapping on the plastic as a burst of nervous energy. “I-I’m scared S-Sarah! I-I c-can’t g-go in!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, why are you scared?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know!” I exclaimed, climbing down from my seat to the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s alright, it’s okay. Just try to settle down, alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can we go home?” I begged. “Please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright Brendon. Just let me tell Dr Jo, alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “D-Don’t tell her I-I’m here or s-she’ll make me g-go in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll do my best Bren, alright? I’ll work something out. Just stay here and focus on settling down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded unsurely and waited until she closed the door to burst into tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She soon returned and opened the door. “Aw...Bren, come here.” She stated, pulled me in for a hug. “I’m sorry babe. I really am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why are y-y-you apologising?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stepped aside and I saw Dr Jo coming toward the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah!” I wailed accusingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry!” She stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go inside Brendon.” Dr Jo told me. “We need to discuss this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I-I’m not g-going in.” I stammered, wrapping my shaking hands around my knees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Brendon. You need to.” She stated, walking around to my door and pulling it open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m fine!” I snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on Brendon.” She sighed. “I’ve got candy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just w-wanna go home!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can go home after therapy Bren.” Sarah whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t s-sit through therapy! N-Not like this!” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll take it nice and slow Brendon. Come on.” Dr Jo stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head and grabbed the stress ball from the cup holder she gave me ages ago. It felt like the ADHD was at its peak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Brendon, we need to go inside. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Now.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Dr Jo demanded, grabbing my arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m fine…” I whimpered as she basically dragged me out of the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No you’re not, and I need to figure out why.” She stated, pulling me into her office and sitting me down on the couch, locking the door behind her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked down at the floor, my hands pulling on the loose threads of one of the cushions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon?” Dr Jo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, sorry.” I murmured, looking up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you like some ritalin?” She asked, offering me a white pill and a water bottle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Alright.” I took the pill off of her and had a sip of the water bottle to help it down before I sat back down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now.” She stated. “Let’s talk about what happened in the car.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “What exactly did you want to know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s start with what. What happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I honestly don’t know.” I admitted. “I was feeling tense and tired and frustrated and everything just sort of built up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Why do you think that is?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Because I wasn’t trying to do anything about it?” I murmured. “And I added cheap painkillers to my medicene line-up this morning so that might’ve messed everything else up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you take the painkillers?” She questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I had a horrible headache that wouldn’t budge and I knew I had to go out later, so I took them to try to ease it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Fair enough. How are you settling back into home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m alright, I suppose. Sarah basically threw another spanner in the works though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean by that, Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She decided we were going to foster two new kids and I had no idea until I got out.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo wrote something down and sighed. “So have you met these children?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “And it’s not like they’re half bad, I just sort of wanted peace when I returned.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s understandable. How are you feeling about the whole ordeal?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a bit frustrating, tiring and repetitive, really. Starting to make me contemplate whether or not I want kids of my own in the future.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have a child of your own already Brendon.” Dr Jo stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well yeah, but a biological child. Like, from birth onwards.” I murmured. “If I do I’d have to wait.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, let’s talk about Kaitlyn. How are you feeling regarding her situation?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well” I sighed. “It’s far from great. That’s sort of half the reason I’ve been so frustrated.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you think that is?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well because I have to take care of two children I’ve barely met and I’m not allowed to see my child. I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked baffled for a moment. “Why aren’t you allowed to see her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, she apparently ran away so her punishment is not being allowed visitors.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo mumbled something inaudible. “How are you and Sarah getting along now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A lot better, I suppose. Getting closer to whatever I deem </span>
  <em>
    <span>normal</span>
  </em>
  <span> is. We worked everything out pretty quickly.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo smiled. “That’s good. Did the children she decided to foster change this in any way?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There was a bit of an argument but nothing more.” I stated, almost proudly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s wonderful.” She responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Yep. It only lasted a couple of minutes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s great to hear.” She replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is our time up yet?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Almost. You can go if you wish.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled and raced out of the room. “See you later!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She chuckled. “Bye Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I raced out to Sarah. “We’re done. Let’s go!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, um...okay?” She responded, seemingly surprised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We left the office and started driving home. I was squeezing the stress ball from earlier, not out of nerves, but just because I felt like it. I looked over at Sarah and sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do we have to go home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there a reason not to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we go to the Way house?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well the kids are home, we can’t just leave them there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dammit.” I muttered. “Can you go home and I go to the Way house?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll drive you there.” She sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Thanks Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How was your session?”  She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Average.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that’s better than horrible, I suppose. It seems you’ve settled down a bit too which is good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we talk about something other than me and my craziness?” I asked with a sigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just concerned Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I just turned and looked out my window.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon, we arrived at Gerard’s house and Sarah pulled into the driveway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, text me when you want to come home, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mom</span>
  </em>
  <span>” I sighed, getting out of the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, can you stop being rude to me, please.” She asked. “I just like to know you’re okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine!” I snapped. “I’ll get Gerard to drive me home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-alright…” She murmured quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I slammed the car door shut and practically stormed into the Way house.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard stared at me when I came in. “What was that about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and slumped onto the couch. “I’m sick of being controlled.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you feel like you’re being controlled?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I clenched my hands into fists. “Because she wants to drive me around and make me do things that I don’t want to and then says that I need to call her when I want to come home and I just want my freedom Gee!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, alright, calm down. I can how that could aggravate you a bit. She’s just looking out for you Brendon.” Gerard explained softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t care! I-I’m 29 years old! I don’t need people looking out for me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you maybe be 29 years old, but you just came out of a place where you had tonnes of people looking out for you. Brendon, you just came out of an institution. Sarah’s keeping you safe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just want to be t-trusted to keep myself s-safe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will in time, Brendon. It’s just not going to happen immediately. Give it time and Sarah will back off a bit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “I don’t want to have to w-wait. I d-did enough waiting in the institution.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you don’t want to wait Brendon, but it’s just something you have to do. It shouldn’t be long, but I don’t think your fit back there helped.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and curled up. “W-why is this h-happening to me G-Gerard?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know Brendon, I really don’t know.” He responded lightly, rubbing my back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to hold back tears. “W-When will i-it end?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Hopefully soon.” He answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you crying Uncle Bren?” Bandit asked, walking into the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just silly things, don’t worry.” I assured, wiping some tears away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think Uncle Bren needs a hug, Bee.” Gerard hinted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bandit climbed onto the couch beside me and wrapped her arms around me. She snuggled into my chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “Thanks Bee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine!” She enthused. “Do you feel better now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A lot. Thank you.” I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yay!” She smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to do Brendon?” Gerard asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I honestly don’t know.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we go see a movie Dad?” Bandit asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe not today Bee. Let’s just relax for a bit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we watch a movie here then?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” He answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bandit put on some animated movie and Gerard sat down next to me on the couch. He made some popcorn for the three of us, although I wasn’t in the mood for eating anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once the movie was done, I started debating whether or not to go home. I wanted to talk to Sarah but I also didn’t want to confront her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I stay here tonight Gerard?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um...I don’t think that’s a good idea Brendon.” He responded nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you need to face Sarah. Putting it off is only going to hurt both of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t though, Gerard.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes you can. I can come with you if you’d prefer, but you need to do it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be fine…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can stay here for a few hours, but you need to go home in time for dinner.” Gerard told me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I’m perfectly fine with staying here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’m not. I’ll drive you back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Some friend you are.” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m only trying to help you Brendon.” He stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doesn’t seem like it.” I growled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard just sighed. “Keep that up and I’ll drive you back sooner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s gonna happen eventually anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, let’s go then.” He said, getting up from the seat. “Want to come with us Bee?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure!” She smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, come on Brendon.” Gerard said. “Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on Uncle Bren!” Bandit said, grabbing my hand and attempting to pull me from my seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Your daddy is being mean to me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How?” She asked, seemingly baffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s making me do things I don’t want to do.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bandit sat down next to me. “He made me clean my room this morning too. He IS being mean!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know! Such a big meanie!” I continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey walked into the room. “What’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re convincing Gerard he’s a meanie.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Lindsey asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because he’s been making us do things we don’t want to.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m trying to convince him to go home and Bandit to clean her room!” Gerard defended. “They’re ganging up on me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We're ganging up on you because you’re a meanie!” Bandit added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey took Gerard’s hand. “I’ll gang up on you two then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘“Fine!” Bandit </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you want to go home Brendon?” Lindsey asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I don’t want to face Sarah.” I answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey considered. “Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I was yelling at her...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You just need to say sorry.” Gerard told me. “Then it will all be okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just not ready.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then when will you be?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a deep breath in. “I don’t know.” I admitted. “I’m afraid she’s going to leave again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s going to leave if you make her think that you don’t love her Brendon! Apologise and everything will be fine!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t! Okay?! I can’t! I don’t know why I can’t I just can’t!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gerard sighed. “Come on Brendon. Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got up from my seat and wiped my nose. “I’m sorry…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Bren.” Lindsey assured. “Let’s just go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We got into the car and I spent the entire trip silently crying. Bandit was sitting next to me, and would occasionally ask what was wrong, but I didn’t respond.</span>
</p><p><span>“Alright, we’re here Brendon.”</span> <span> Lindsey stated. “Let’s go.”</span></p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay.” I whispered, nervously getting out of the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We all walked up to the door but Lindsey and Gerard lagged back, leaving me to knock. I hesitantly knocked on the door and found myself shaking as waiting for her to answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole opened the door instead. “Oh hey Brendon. And Gerard. And Lindsey. And Bandit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is Sarah here?” I asked hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, she’s in the lounge. Come on in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked into the house. I made my way to the lounge room, still ridiculously nervous. I found Sarah lying on the couch, Jaxon sleeping beside her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked up at me. “Oh hey Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I snapped at you Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stood up and wrapped me in a hug. “It’s okay Bren. Don’t worry about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so horrible to you Sarah.” I mumbled. “How do you ever manage to forgive me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I just do Brendon. Because I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you so much.” I sniffled, holding her in tight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you it would work out Brendon.” Gerard said from behind me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Were you freaking out Bren?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “You shouldn’t be worrying about that sort of stuff. It’s alright, it’s over now anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Care to join me?” She asked, gesturing to the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” I shrugged, sitting down next to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what’d you get up to at Gerard’s house?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We watched a movie!” Bandit giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like fun.” Sarah smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bandit walked over to Jaxon. “Wake up!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He woke up and looked around, confused. “W-what?” He stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come play with me!” Bandit said, grabbing his hand and pulling him forward slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “N-No thank you.” He curled up in Sarah’s lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bandit looked confused. “Why not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m tired.” He murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah gently stroked his hair. “You can watch some TV with us if you want Bee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pouted. “Fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, we all ended up on the couch watching cartoons. Jaxon drifted back to sleep, and Bandit looked bored out of her mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole popped her head in. “Dinner’s ready!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you cook again?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Sure did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We all headed back to the kitchen, but Sarah left Jaxon sleeping on the couch. We sat around the table as Nicole served everyone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We all sat down and started eating. I observed Nicole served herself significantly less than everyone else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nudged Sarah to alert her to the situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked over, pulled Nicole up from her seat and took her into another room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” Gerard asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s, well let's just say there’s another Kaitlyn situation.” I sighed. “She heavily monitors what she eats and then she becomes fixated on exercising to burn it all off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh no…” Lindsey mumbled. “Another one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So we’re trying to sort it out now.” I explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That makes sense.” Gerard agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah and Nicole soon returned, with Nicole heading to the kitchen to get more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All sorted.” Sarah mouthed as she sat back down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and went back to eating the food. I was occasionally glancing over at Nicole to make sure she was eating. She was, though she was very hesitant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So how’s the single going?” Gerard asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s due to be released on Christmas day.” I smiled slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds awesome.” Lindsey smiled. “Sing it for us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well…” I considered. “Maybe just a little bit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everybody looked at me expectantly and I sung a little bit of the chorus for them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stopped and nervously waiting for some sort of reaction. “Um…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t know you were a singer.” Nicole mumbled. “You’re pretty good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks….” I murmured. After deeming my waiting pointless, I started collecting everyone’s plates and took them to be washed. After putting the plates on the counter, I leaned against the bench and just sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything okay Bren?” Sarah asked as she walked in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it’s fine.” I mumbled, starting to rinse the plates.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah planted a kiss on my cheek. “Your singing is only getting better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Thanks Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Kaitlyn’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Visiting day sucked when you weren’t allowed any visitors.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Every other kid here had parents/grandparents/siblings/friends coming to see them, and I was hiding in the corner avoiding everyone because I didn’t have anyone coming to see me at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo came to sit beside me. “Hey kiddo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and turned away from her, having no intentions of starting a conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are we being like that now?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t respond.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I’m sorry you were dragged out here. It would’ve been easier if you stayed in your room, but anyway, do you think you’ve learnt your lesson now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled and nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, let’s get you to your room. There isn’t many more people to come anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I reluctantly got up from my hiding place and walked back to my room, climbing back into bed and buring my head under the covers, in the hope that I’d wake up and this would be just a horrible dream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “Don’t be like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because moping around isn’t going to do you any good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-What else am I-I supposed t-to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get yourself psyched for group therapy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head and crawled further into bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You still have to go.” She stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t c-care.” I sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your recusant nature isn’t benefitting the situation.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged, not really paying attention to what she was saying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on. We’ve got to be there soon anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ignored her and closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tugged on my arm lightly. “Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned and shook her off me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t a choice Kaitlyn.” She said sternly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pretended not to hear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn.” She repeated. “We’re going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head and re-covered myself with the blanket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re already skating on thin ice. I’m pretty sure you don’t your punishment extended.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I JUST WANT TO SLEEP!” I screamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The screaming didn't seem to faze her. “You have an allocated sleeping time. You will wait until then. Now, you have group therapy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I crawled back under the bed in another attempt to hide.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you like it if I called in help?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t respond.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She went out of the room and returned with two doctors. They pulled me out from under the bed and forced me out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“L-Let me go!” I screamed, forcing against their grip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They aren’t going to let go. If it makes you feel better, you aren’t going to group therapy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-Where am I-I going then?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo opened a door to a venting room. “Welcome to your new temporary home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“NO!” I screamed, thrashing against the grip of the other doctors.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t realise I asked for your opinion.” Indigo stated blandly. The doctors pushed me into the room with Indigo following behind before they left and closed the door behind them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I fell to the floor in a fit of tears and cried into the white padding.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t necessarily want you in here, you realise that, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-Why am I-I here then?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you were refusing to submit to an authoritative figure. You don’t have as much leeway as you did before since you ran off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I ran o-off because y-you wouldn’t h-help me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t the only one who needs help Kaitlyn!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled and curled up in the corner, facing the wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo just sighed. “You’re impossible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I just ignored her and rested my head against the wall, hoping I’d fall asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon, a nurse came in with a tray of food.   She quickly left however and shut the door behind her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, you have to eat now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a sip of the water and went back to my spot in the corner, not really wanting to eat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope you realise you aren’t going to get away with that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, just eat a little bit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ll eat w-when I c-can see M-Mom and D-Dad.” I said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, but you know why you can’t. If you behave you can see them next week.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stood up and kicked the padding on the walls in frustration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, please calm down.” Indigo whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’M NOT GOING TO CALM DOWN!” I screamed, kicking the wall once again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you acting like this? Is it because of the visiting thing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“IT’S BECAUSE OF EVERYTHING!” I yelled, thrashing my hand against the wall too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, this really isn’t good for you.” She said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked over to the tray of food and gave it a firm kick, sending the dish flying all over the other side of the room, covering Indigo as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn please! Settle down. This isn’t doing you any good!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I kicked the wall again. “I-It’s not h-hurting me either!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The stress is!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I punched the wall again, screaming in absolute frustration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo pulled me away from the wall and sat me down on thhe ground. She didn’t let go however, she kept holding me around the waste. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need to calm down Kaitlyn. Not because I want you to, but because you physically need to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I thrashed against her grip. “LET ME GO!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, please.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was crying hysterically and swinging my arms everywhere. “L-Let me go! P-Please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, please calm down. Please, just try.” She sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a deep breath and slumped in her arms, tears going everywhere as I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you kiddo. I’m sorry you’re still here.” She pulled me into a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m s-sorry f-for k-kicking f-food on you…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright.” She assured. “Don’t worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I just sniffled and rested my head on Indigo’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you feeling a little bit better?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-Not really…” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s alright. Do you want to talk about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I-I want to go h-home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know kiddo. There’s not a lot I can do about that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-The voices are b-back…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Are they loud yet?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-They’re not s-shouting b-but t-they’re s-speaking l-loudly…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, I’m going to get you some medication, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “D-Don’t leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t have anything strong enough here kiddo. I’m trying to help you.” She explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-If you l-leave i-it’ll get w-worse!” I panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, well let’s just talk for now.” She suggested. “Is that alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and snuggled into her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You remember my dog?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yeah…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I met up with a breeder so now there’s gonna be some cute puppies joining the family.” She smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled slightly. “T-That’s c-cute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it is. It’ll be a cross breed too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-with what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With a German Shepherd. The dog was very cute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled. “T-That’s s-super cute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was. Maybe you’ll get to see them too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’d like t-that.” I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I figured you might.” She chuckled lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Tanika wants to know i-if she can s-see them too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmmm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Tanika wants to know i-if she can s-see them too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s Tanika?” Indigo asked with a hint of confusion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-One of the v-voices. S-She’s nice t-though.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How many voices are there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stopped to count. “Six?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are there always that many?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “S-sometimes less, sometimes more. I-It just depends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “That’s probably not a good thing kiddo.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Tanika still w-wants to know i-if she can s-see the puppies.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s s-sad now.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, but the thing is, it’s hard to say yes when I know she isn’t real.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-She says she’s r-real. A-and I can h-hear her.” I stated. “I-I saw her t-the other day t-too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “I don’t think she’s real Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-She’s as r-real to m-me as you are.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If she’s real, why can I give you medication that’ll make her go away?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-She doesn’t l-like it when y-you do that…” I mumbled. “None o-of them do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t say I’m surprised, but they could end up hurting you Kaitlyn. They’re messing with your mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “R-Right now t-they’re being n-nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-where are you g-going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, I’ll be right back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-But where are y-you going?” I asked a little more nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The pharmacy.” She stated, getting up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To get medicine to help you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-But I don’t need h-help.” I stated, standing up. “I-I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I know you don’t think so, but the voices aren’t good. Just wait here and don’t hurt yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded uncertainly and sat down in the corner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once she returned, she had two tablets in her hand and a paper cup full of water. “Alright, take this for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked at them for a moment. “W-what will h-happen if I d-do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll make sure the voices don’t start screaming?” She answered unsurely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I froze. “Y-You can k-keep them…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, please take them. It’s only to help you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-They s-say you’re l-lying…” I said nervously, taking a few steps back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, please trust me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head and continued backing away until I hit the wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, you aren’t ever going to leave if you don’t take these.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She’s lying,</span>
  </em>
  <span> a voice I knew as ‘Jared’ whispered. </span>
  <em>
    <span>She’s lying and she wants to hurt you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, you need to take them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She wants to hurt us. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Tanika said. </span>
  <em>
    <span>She wants to get rid of us so you’re all alone.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo looked at me expectantly. “Come on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My hands were shaking as I picked them up. “T-They’re n-not going to g-get rid of them, r-right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully not. It’ll make them a bit quieter though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nervously considered as all six voices were telling me to put them down. “I-I d-don’t know…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, please. You want to see Brendon and Sarah, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “O-Of course…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then you need to do what I say.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I finally tipped the pills down my throat and swallowed, only for the voices to howl with despair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-There’s only f-five now.” I whispered. “W-Willow l-left…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Just sit here and relax, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “C-Can we have a p-pillow?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I don’t have a pillow…” She murmured. “But, I mean….the walls are pretty soft?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “T-True.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat there for a little bit and noticed the voices disappearing, one by one. “W-what’s happening?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I c-can’t hear them anymore!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo tried to suppress a smile. “Maybe that’s not a bad thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is!” I cried. “My friends are gone!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re not your friends, Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-They are!” I wailed. “A-And you sent t-them away!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shuffled away from her where I curled up against the wall and cried at their disappearance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn…” Indigo sighed. “They were only going to hurt you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-They were my f-friends! T-They liked me!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They were a delusion.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-They were real!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If they were real they wouldn’t have disappeared.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You s-sent them away! Y-You meanie!” I cried, shoving Indigo in the stomach.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, I had to. They’re going to make decisions for you and it might put you in serious danger.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I curled up and continued crying. “N-Now it’s t-too quiet! A-And it’s s-scaring me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m here, it’s alright. You don’t have to be scared.” She assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “I-I want them b-back…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think you want them back. Kaitlyn, they could end up killing you. They’re dangerous. You can’t trust them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I just continued crying and without even realising, I pulled a few strands of my hair out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn!” She panicked. “It’s okay, you don’t need them. You’re fine, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-How long u-until they g-get back?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “A few hours, but we’re going to keeping giving you the medication. You need it. This is much worse than we originally thought, alright? Work with us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “N-No more!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, we have to. Your condition is more severe than originally diagnosed. You need to let us help you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I folded my arms. “I-I’m f-fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t Kaitlyn and you need to recognise that.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly as Tanika’s voice returned. “S-She says I-I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “I’m going to talk to the other doctors about treatment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “O-Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She soon returned and sat back down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Charles is back too.” I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“THEY AREN’T REAL!” Indigo shouted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I cowered away, a little scared of her sudden outburst.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why can’t you just see that?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I s-see different t-things to you.” I explained. “T-That doesn’t m-mean either of us i-is right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “I am medically correct however.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I-I’m Kaitlyn c-correct.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She threw her head in her hands. “You’re never gonna get out of here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well t-that’s not nice.” I noted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s true though.” She muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I went quiet and leaned against the wall. “C-Charles thinks you’re pretty…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good for them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He wants to know if you like guys with beards.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know and honestly don’t care right now Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you being mean?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you’re making my job much harder than it should be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “I-I can’t h-help it Indigo!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well refusing medication doesn’t help.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I took it though!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not going to have anymore, are you? And the stupid voices are already back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ll have it a-as long as you s-stop being mean…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m sorry that I’m frustrated.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s okay.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Reasonable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I leave here now?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to hide a smile that yet another voice, Blake, had returned. “That sucks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m sorry. It’ll be a good while before you go.” She admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I crossed my arms. “T-That’s h-horrible news.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, but we can’t let you go until we’ve found a medicine that works properly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “C-Can’t I just go to my room?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “The doctors want you separated.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because of the voices. It’s not good kiddo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded unsurely. “But if I’m the only one who can hear them, why do I need to be kept away from everybody else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because if the voices tell you to do something and you do it, depending on what it is, it could hurt someone.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I considered for a moment. “Why would they do that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because they’re unpredictable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I generally predict what they’re saying. They wouldn’t hurt anyone, I promise!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, voices you’ve heard have led you into psychotic episodes before.” She reminded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I haven’t hurt anyone.” I said firmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve hurt yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “A little bit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s still happened. Do you understand now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “It’s boring in here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well it’s not exactly built to entertain you.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Could we bring in a board game or something?” I suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s not a lot to bring in. It’s all supposed to stay in the main room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “So I’m just supposed to sit here and let the voices tell me what to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you aren’t really supposed to be listening to the voices at all. You should be ignoring them. We would stop them with medication but since you already had some, we have to wait.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m trying Indigo, b-but there’s nothing in here to distract myself with!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re grumpy.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled out her phone. “Music?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay.” I nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to listen to?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “S-Something cool.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that doesn’t narrow it down. Any particular artist?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “You pick.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We sat and listened to some random music she put on for awhile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can I go to bed soon?” I asked. “I-It’s late.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, sure. I’ll just talk to the other doctors, alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She walked out of room and I was left seemingly alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t worry. </span>
  </em>
  <span>I heard Tanika say. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You’re not alone. We’re here.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know who to believe anymore.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You can trust us. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Charles told me. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You can. We’re only here to help you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you left me before!”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>We didn’t leave. We were here. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Charles added. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You just couldn’t hear us. We’re always here.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please be quiet.” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Tanika asked. </span>
  <em>
    <span>We’re your friends.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo came in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m scared.” I whispered to them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up kiddo?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I w-want them to b-be quiet but they w-won’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>We just want to talk to you Kaitlyn. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Tanika tried to say. </span>
  <em>
    <span>We just want you to talk to us.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why aren’t they listening Indigo?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “I don’t know kiddo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She’s lying!</span>
  </em>
  <span> Charles yelled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I covered my ears, hoping that’d somehow dampen the noise so it wasn't so loud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn? Kaitlyn, kiddo, look at me. Focus on me.” Indigo said, pulling my hands into her own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked up at her getting terrified. They weren’t getting quieter at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m going to send someone in, and I-I’ll go get you some more medication, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No! Tell her no! You don’t need the medication! </span>
  </em>
  <span>A new voice yelled, one that I hadn’t heard before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to ignore it and weakly nodded. I curled up against the wall and tried to him some sort of tune to just distract myself.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re an idiot! I hate you! You don’t deserve to be alive! </span>
  </em>
  <span>Tanika yelled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another doctor entered the room. “Kaitlyn? My name is Sasha, I’m in charge of watching you until Indigo gets back, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded nervously and prepared for more criticism. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Tell her to get out! Tell her you don’t need her! </span>
  </em>
  <span>Charles demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I curled up tighter and cried uncontrollably.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” Sasha asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I quickly shook my head before the voices told me otherwise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Indigo will be back soon, don’t worry.” She assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wanted so desperately to scream and make my terror evident but I couldn’t. It seemed unnecessary, pointless even, so I held it all in and continued to feel worse and worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t worry Kaitlyn, we’ll take care of you. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The new voice said in a sickly sweet tone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wanted to trust it and I almost did but I saw Indigo walk back in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I change m-my mind. I-I don’t like them!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled sadly. “That’s okay. Here, take these. Then you won’t hear them anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I quickly took the tablets and resumed my curled up position against the wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are they telling you to do things?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “A-and they s-said I d-don’t deserve to b-be alive.” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gently ran a hand through my hair. “They’re lying. They don’t know what they’re talking about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Punch her! </span>
  </em>
  <span>A voice shouted.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>In the nose! </span>
  </em>
  <span>Another added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no!” I answered, trying to stand up against them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?”  Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-they’re telling me t-to punch you.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Do it now! While she’s unsuspecting! </span>
  </em>
  <span>A voice screamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Oh…” Indigo gulped. She grabbed my hands and held them tight so I couldn’t move them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thank you.” I stammered, glad the chance to act on impulse was gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re useless! You can’t do anything right! You should be dead!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>My tears deepened as I found myself agreeing with them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come here kiddo.” Indigo sighed, pulling me into a hug. “The medication will help soon, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-they’re m-mean.” I wept.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I know.” She soothed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why d-does medication t-take so l-long to work?” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know kiddo. I’m sorry.” Indigo apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The voices were getting quieter, but only slightly. Their constant cries and nagging was slowly driving me insane.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kick her! Kick her legs! </span>
  </em>
  <span>One of them was screaming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I almost did it. I was getting ready to, but I stopped myself. “I-I’m sorry…” I murmured, unsure who I was apologising to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-they still want m-me to h-hurt you…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know why they want to hurt me?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-the medicine, I think.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see. Well, soon they’ll be gone. Don’t worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I snuggled into her lap and almost fell asleep as I was waiting. The voices were much quieter now and were almost gone, which made me much happier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to go to the bedroom?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She helped me to my feet and walked me to a different room, this one a lot smaller, although it had a reasonably big bed. It was all made and set up for me, however I did notice the padding on the walls still.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed before laying down on the bed. The movement of rooms made me slightly more awake so I was sitting on the bed, staring at the ceiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to stay for a while?” Indigo offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only if you want to…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I curled up in the bed and found myself drifting off. Indigo sat on the end of the bed until I fell asleep.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0066"><h2>66. Chapter 65 - Exposed.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>*****Sarah’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on Sarah! You said we’d go out this morning!” Nicole stated, shaking me from my sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned. “Fine, fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I noticed she was already dressed and ready to leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh. Fine. I’m up.” I moaned, dragging myself out of bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon stirred. “What’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re going out.” I stated, rubbing my eyes. “Wanna come?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we get coffee?” He groaned, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe. We’ll see. Come on, it’ll be good to get out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He got out of bed and moped his way to the bathroom to get changed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got changed too and met Nicole in the lounge. “How do you have so much energy in the morning?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I run!” She exclaimed. “Standing still is driving me nuts!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I swear, you’re crazy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “After today I won’t wake you up, I’ll just go in the morning, and I’ll be back in time to make breakfast.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d prefer knowing when you’re leaving truly so I know where you are.” I stated. Brendon joined us and we headed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is actually a really good neighbourhood to run in.” Nicole nodded, looking at the running tracks around the nearby park.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was running ahead and Brendon and I were trailing behind slowly. Brendon still seemed like he was about to fall asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can we leave and get coffee and come back?” He mumbled sleepily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We need to make sure she’s safe Bren. We’ll get there eventually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He groaned. “I’m going to sleep on that park bench.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took his hand. “Come on, it shouldn’t be much longer,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He groaned again, but followed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We reached the end of path and ended up reaching a business strip. There were lots of small shops along the street. Nicole stopped and waited for us.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Took you long enough!” She smiled, bouncing from one foot to the other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well we don’t go running every day.” I reminded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “Well, is there anything you want to do here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon wants coffee.” I answered. “You good with that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “All good with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Let’s go.” I tugged slightly on Brendon’s hand, pulling him out of his daze and we started walking down the strip looking for a coffee shop. We found one and all sat down at a table. I ordered us all a coffee before sitting back down with everyone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is a nice cafe.” Nicole smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Yeah. It is quite nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon started to nod off and I squeezed his hand to jolt him back awake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes lit up once the coffee came over and he started happily sipping the drink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole giggled. “Big coffee fan?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged, putting the mug down. “It’s just nice to have in the morning to wake me up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry for dragging you out of bed. This really means a lot to me. Thanks guys…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine.” I smiled. “It’s good to get out. It’s a nice morning too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon nodded in agreement. “It really is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And we found an awesome cafe too.” I chirped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole grinned. “We did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon wasn’t too involved with the conversation. He was too busy staring at his phone trying to fix his hair. After he finished, I messed it up to mess with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah!” He fussed, pulling his phone back out to fix it again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine Brendon.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole was giggling. “It looks fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled his phone away and he pouted. “Meanie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole was still giggling and tried to hide it with regular sips of her coffee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, what do we think we should do today?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon shrugged. “You have any plans?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “The day is ours to do what we please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to go out or stay inside?” He continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m a fan of both.” Nicole shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We could try to go to the beach?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn wanted to go. It wouldn’t feel right without her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm...yeah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Plus Jaxon is at home...we can’t forget about him.” Nicole added quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I’m fine with whatever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t help.” He murmured, tapping on the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe we could go shopping!” I suggested with a smile. “Christmas is coming up, so we have a good excuse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, okay. That’s a good idea.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, um, I don’t have any money…” Nicole mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can give you some if you want.” I said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tapped nervously on the arm rest. “No, no, you don’t have to do that. I’ll just trail along with Jax.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. I want to make sure you enjoy it too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I can’t take your money. It’s okay guys, honestly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so…” Brendon mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are we all ready to head back?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Nicole nodded, finishing the last bit of coffee she had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep.” Brendon said, tossing his paper cup across the room so it landed in the trash. Nicole gave him a small round of applause for his trick shot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, thank you kindly.” He smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She giggled. “Bravo!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and stood up. “Shall we head off?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We shall.” Brendon said, taking my hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We returned home much faster than it took to get to the cafe, probably because Brendon wasn’t falling asleep every few steps, but Nicole and I got Jaxon ready to head out while Brendon disappeared to some currently undisclosed location.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked around the house searching for him and grew concerned when I couldn’t find him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon!” I called loudly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In the studio!” I heard faintly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wandered out to the studio and opened the door, looking to find Brendon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who is it?” He asked half-heartedly, not drawing his attention away from whatever he was doing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s the woman you married.” I said back in a sing-song voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be there in a second.” He promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll just wait here.” I shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He finished mucking around with whatever he was doing and came over to me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry about that.” He apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I kissed his cheek. “No problems. Let’s go!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He picked a jacket up off of his chair before we headed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We met Nicole and Jaxon at the car and climbed in, before I drove towards the mall. Brendon was reading his phone, and the kids were silent. I decided to start conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what do you two want for Christmas?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon was silent before he shrugged slightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s gotta be </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” I encouraged with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s not really.” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what about you Nicole?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged also. “Cookbooks?” She answered unsurely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool. Any in particular?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you two so gloomy?” Brendon asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cause we don’t really know how this Christmas thing works.” Nicole answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you not had a proper Christmas before?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “Mom’s religion was against it. I tried to put up a christmas tree one year and she tore it down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see.” Brendon nodded. “Well, this year should be super fun then!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully.” She smiled slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know about Santa Jax?” I asked with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve heard of him…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know his story?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon tells it really well.” I said, nudging Brendon on the elbow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon smiled. “Basically, Santa watches over all the kids in the world to see if they’ve been good or bad. Good children gets presents, but they have to be really good all year. If you’ve been bad, Santa doesn’t give you presents. Santa gives you coal. So do you think you’ve been a good boy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “I’ll probably get coal…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll have to see on Christmas day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed and turned to face the window.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled into the carpark. “Let’s go team!” I enthused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole found an abandoned shopping cart and immediately put Jaxon in the kid’s seat to save the three of us the burden of carrying him around the large centre. We walked inside and were faced with the problem of where to go first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we look at toys?” Jaxon asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon laughed. “Sure bud. We’ve got to get Bandit something for Christmas, so you can look while you’re there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t really play with them very well but I like looking at all the pretty colours.” He explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can go there now.” I said, taking the handle of the cart and leading everyone down to the toy shop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once we were there, Brendon disappeared to shop for Bandit and Jaxon just stared at all the toys as we went past.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re pretty, huh?” I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He simply nodded before returned to him daze. Staring at the toys only seemed to make him sad but he didn’t say anything about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong buddy?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing.” He sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Jaxon, you’ve been really upset over the past week or so and it’s really making me sad seeing you like this. Can you tell me what’s wrong please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just want to be like the other kids.” He murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to walk and be able to play with toys and do things by myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bit my lip nervously. “I know. Let’s see if we can find some toys you can play with!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good luck.” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll find something!” I assured, walking the aisles and looking at all the toys I passed. “Tell me if you spot anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was pretty silent until we got to some stuff toys. “C-can I have teddy bear?” He asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I handed it to him and looked over the wall. “There’s a lot of toys here! Do you like the bear or are there other ones here that you like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He bit his lip slightly. “I l-like them all….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I laughed. “I know bud, but let’s pick a few and we can narrow it down to one, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pointed to a big one. “W-what about that one?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled it down off the rack and handed it to him. “This is a fireman bear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He started cuddling with it as soon as he got it. “I l-like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled. “I can see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can w-we get it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I considered for a moment, before grinning. “Sure bud.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks M-Mom.” He smiled..</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grinned. “No problem Jax. Let’s go see if we can find Brendon and Nicole.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked the aisles of the toy store until I found Brendon and Nicole standing together, both looking awfully pensive as they studied the wall of toys.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s it going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.” Nicole mumbled, not taking her eyes off the shelves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you found anything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to get her nerf guns…” Nicole smiled. “But Brendon is too scared of being shot by a six year old.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know how her father would like that.”  I responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’d love it though.” Nicole grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not denying that.” I giggled. “What;s Brendon’s idea then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He doesn’t have one.” Nicole explained. “We’re just looking through the shelves.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well what would she like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon shrugged. “Beats me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get her some colouring stuff or something.” I suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole shook her head. “She’s probably got heaps of that. I want to find something fun, ya know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I don’t know what to suggest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole pulled a board game from the shelf. “This looks fun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Hmm?” Brendon came out of his daze to see what Nicole was talking about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mouse trap.” She stated. “I think I played this with my Dad once. Before he did a runner, of course, but it was fun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well shall we get that?” Brendon asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole nodded. “Yeah, I think she’ll like this. I hope she lets me play...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure she will.” I smiled. “Anything else we need from here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-This!” Jaxon said, snuggling into the bear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry bud, I haven’t forgot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He giggled slightly, and Nicole looked a tad concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How much is that Jax?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “I don’t know, but it's big and snuggly!” He stated, a huge smile on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine Nick. Don’t worry about it” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It looks expensive Sarah. You should find a cheaper one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon looked terrified at that thought and hugged it closer in case anybody tried to take it off him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, and it makes him really happy. Don’t worry about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled a funny face and looked down at the ground. “I-If you say so…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. I think we’re done here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon nodded. “To the register!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole pushed the shopping cart and I held Brendon’s hand as we made our way to the register. We paid for the items and Jaxon sat with his bear in the seat while we put the game for Bandit in the bottom of the cart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where to now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You lead the way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “What should we get Kaitlyn for Christmas?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I wanted to get her an instrument but I’m not sure about that now.” Brendon murmured,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm. Maybe we could just start by getting her some clothes? Nicole needs some too, so we can just head on over. Maybe you two boys can go and find something for Gerard and Lindsey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Let’s go!” Brendon smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boys went in an opposite direction to me and Nicole. I lead her into a clothing store that seemed to have lots of nice stuff in there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, what sort of clothes do you like to wear?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “Whatever I find really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, have a look around. Tell me what you like.” I encouraged, looking over the store.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She just moseyed through the aisles, not really amazed by anything in the door. “Is there a cheaper place around?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “You and Kaitlyn are the same person, I swear. Prices don’t matter. Choose stuff you like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what I like…” She mumbled. “I never really had time to fuss over my appearance when I started taking care of Jaxon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you’ve got time now. Take your time, walk around. I’m going to see if I can find some stuff for Kaitlyn. Come and find me once you’ve picked 5 or 6 things.” I said, starting to flick through some racks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She walked through the store and looked at a few things before reuniting with me, empty handed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you not find anything here?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really don’t want to spend your money. I have enough clothes, I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I put a hand on my hip. “You have 5 outfits. 1 of which is pyjamas.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “It’s enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s not.” I stated. “If you don’t like stuff here, we’ll go somewhere else. But you desperately need clothes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “I don’t though. I’ve been fine keeping up a somewhat presentable appearance without spending money for quite some time. I’m used to it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m not used to it, and I don’t expect to grow accustomed to it either. As long as you’re staying in the Urie house, you will be properly clothed and fed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go somewhere cheaper at least.” Nicole proposed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned. “Fine. There’s one other shop, but that’s as low as I’m willing to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, if you intend on spending money on me, I don’t want it being large amounts.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to blow 3 grand on you in a day. I’m just trying to bring your list of outfits up to maybe 7 or 8 so we’re not doing laundry every few days.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah, I don’t care about clothes. There’s no point buying anything remarkably fancy or buying loads of different ones. I can do the laundry if its a problem.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I clenched my fist in frustration. “Nicole! For god’s sake! You need clothes, and I’m buying you clothes! Whether you like it or not!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry Sarah.” She stammered, looking at the ground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I rubbed my eyes. “Sorry for snapping. Let’s just get some stuff, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” She murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I led her down to the other shop and she seemed more comfortable browsing those racks. I followed her around, taking note of the things she spend longer looking at than others.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once we’d been through the entire store she bit her lip, seemingly not noticing as she was thinking. “I suppose I actually have to choose things now…” She murmured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Did you see any you liked?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “A few things…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Show me.” I smiled encouragingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She went through the racks and pointed out a few things she liked. She would look at the price however and walk away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I would pick them up and continue following her. By the time she’d pointed everything out, I had 14 items in my hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s try them on!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh...um…” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I led her to the changerooms and handed her the pile. “Come out and show me when you’ve got some of it on!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a little while, she hesitantly came out of the change rooms, wearing one of the outfits.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “You look beautiful!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked down to the floor. “Thanks…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled. “Go try something else on! And add those to a ‘yes’ pile!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She went back into the changeroom and returned wearing a dress. She had taken her hair out and was in the middle of putting it back up. “What do you think?” She mumbled, the hair tie in her mouth as she used her hands to fix it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like the skirt, it’s super cute, but I’m not so keen on the top. But you’re the one who has to wear it, so it’s up to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I honestly don’t know…” She mumbled. “I don’t particularly care how good it looks, as long as it covers everything, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s all up to you. You choose.” I shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Let’s just get what I know looks half decent and meet with the other two.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on Nick! Try on some more.” I encouraged. “Skirt to yes pile, and put the shirt back on the hanger.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really don’t think this is a good idea. I’ll just get a few more t-shirts and some jeans and I’ll be fine. That’s easy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please! Come on Nick!” I practically begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I shouldn’t be worrying about trying on new clothes. I’ll just stick to what works.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned. “Nicole, we’ve had this conversation. Try on one more outfit, and if you still don’t want to, then we’ll finish. But one more, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” She sighed, going back into the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She came back out, seemingly reactionless and stood in front of me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I couldn’t help but smile. “That’s probably my favourite outfit so far. You look absolutely stunning Nicole.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so…” She murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “What’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Let’s just go.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Okay. If you feel you want to. Get changed and add those to the yes pile though, we’re not leaving without them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright.” She whispered before she returned to the change room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She returned with her arms filled with clothes. “Sorry for being a pain…” She apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine.” I breathed, carrying the clothes to the register. “I’m happy we at least got this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you enjoy clothes shopping?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “It’s one of my favourite things to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool.” She smiled slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about you?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I just sort of feel ridiculously selfish when I do things for myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t.” I told her as I handed her the bag. “It’s important to do things for yourself every now and then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess so.” She stated. “I don’t really have time though. I can barely keep Jaxon quiet and entertained long enough to get dressed sometimes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I led her out of the shop. “Well, that’s all going to change now that you’re here. Brendon and I are going to help with Jaxon, and you’ll be able to have some time to yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to.” I assured. “Now, let’s go get some lunch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Alright…” She reluctantly followed me to the food court where we met up with Brendon and Jaxon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey boys!” I greeted. “How did you go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon smiled. “Good!” He chirped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “That’s good. Where did you and Brendon go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “We went to lots of different shops!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked up at Brendon. “Did you get gifts?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Yeah. It was easier than I expected.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Great. What do you want for lunch?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll have whatever you’re having.” He answered. “What do you want for lunch bud?” He asked Jaxon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked around at all the places. “W-Whatever’s yummy!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled lightly before nodding. “Alright, what about you Nicole?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I don’t mind. Whatever you’re having.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s easy. I’ll be back soon.” I stated before heading off. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Kaitlyn’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are the voices back this morning?” Indigo asked at breakfast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head, before nodding hesitantly. “O-Only Charles.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it loud?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head again. “H-He’s just talking. He likes the way you’ve done your hair today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, if he gets loud, tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “O-Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You still have to have your medicine after breakfast anyway so you should be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and took a hesitant bite of my eggs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling in general?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m okay.” I nodded. “A-all good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that’s good.” She smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and pushed the plate away. “I-I’m full.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “You sure you can’t have any more?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” She stated picking up the plate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly and leaned back in the seat. “T-Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took the food away and came back with two paper cups. “Alright, here you go.” She stated, handing me the one with the tablets in it first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-More than usual.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sadly…” Indigo murmured. “And there’s water there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks…” I murmured, swallowing all the pills with one gulp.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And now we wait.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Charles says to tell you y-you’re pretty…” I mumbled nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “That’s nice and all, but Charles isn’t real, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded uncertainly, not believing her statements.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So do you think you’ll be able to handle group therapy yet?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t w-want to b-but I think I c-can…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. The next session isn’t until later, so don’t worry too much.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “C-Can I go b-back to my normal r-room now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should be able to soon, we just have to wait for the medication to settle in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It has….” I mumbled, hoping to be allowed out of this place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s the voices?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Q-Quieter…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, once they’re gone we can leave.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and slumped against the wall. “I-It’s boring in h-here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you’ve said.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Charles is gone.” I sighed eventually. “Completely.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright.” She stated, holding her hand out. “Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took her hand and followed her out of the venting room until we reached the common area.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Welcome back.” She stated, opening the door to my room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave her a thankful smile as I sat on my bed. “I-It’s nice t-to be here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nice to see you out of the venting room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and found my blanket in the bed sheets, before wrapping myself in it. The december cold was starting to really creep in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You cold?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Y-Yeah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want another blanket?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “T-This one will w-work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. If you want another just ask.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can I have a-a sweater?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo pulled off hers. “That’s all I’ve got at the moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-That’s y-yours. Y-You keep that.” I said, pushing her hand away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have another in my office. Just borrow it for now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I reluctantly pulled it on, although it was about 6 sizes too big for me and seemed to be more of a dress than a sweater.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any better?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “T-Thanks…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “That’s good. How do you think you’re feeling now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-Warmer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that’s good but I meant more so on the mental side considering you’ve moved and had your medication now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “F-Fine. I-It’s quiet i-in my head.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good to hear.” She smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “C-Can we go t-to the common a-area? I-It’s boring h-here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” She stated. “Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I climbed off the bed and walked out to the group area nervously. Most of the other kids were watching a movie, although I walked over to the kids who were setting up a board game. I recognised them as the kids I played trivia with, Dana and Phillip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hesitantly sat beside them. “U-ummmm, hi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phillip smiled. “Hey! Haven’t seen you in a while! Good to see you’re back!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh...yeah. Good to see you again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wanna play?” Dana asked. “There’s a green piece and a yellow piece left.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, how do you play?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Super easy.” Phillip explained. “Just roll the dice and move your piece, and if you land on a question mark you take a card and do what’s on it. First to the end square wins.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Alright!”  I smiled slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Green or Yellow?” Dana asked, holding the pieces out in her hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yellow sounds good.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go first.” Phillip said, rolling the dice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I watched, intrigued as she played through his turn. Dana went next and went through a similar round of events.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She handed me the dice. “Your turn Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I rolled the dice and moved my piece, landing on  one of the question marks. “So what happens now?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phillip handed me a card. “You do what’s on here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The card said to move forward three spaces so I did exactly that. “So what do I do with the card now?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana shrugged. “Put it on the bottom of the pile.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and did as she said before giving the dice back to Phillip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We played the rest of the game pretty easily, and I came second, which was nice I guess. Phillip won, and wouldn’t let Dana forget about it for the rest of the day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what should we do now?”  Dana asked in between Phillip’s boasting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Y-You choose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think we have group soon.” Phillip moaned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started getting nervous. “ G-Great…”  I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh right, this will be your first time!” Dana said, patting my shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a deep breath in. “Yeah…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not that bad, I promise.” She assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just nervous…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. It’s not bad once you’re in there.” She promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it sort of depends on your diagnosis really…” Phillip added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Great.” I mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What have you got?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s a whole list of things.”  I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “That’s okay, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s just say I’m too screwed up for my own good.”  I forced a weak smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana chuckled. “We all are. We’re in a bloody mental institution!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled. “True.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo walked over. “Group therapy time kiddo’s.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed, before getting up. “Alright.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I followed everyone else down the hall to a large room with a circle of chairs arranged in it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone sat down and I made an effort to sit between Phillip and Dana to hopefully limit the anxiety I had going in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once everyone was seated and all 15 chairs were filled, everybody stopped to face the large, bald man sitting at one end to start the session.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello everyone.”  He started. “Since we have a first-timer we’re going to go through introductions.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I curled up as I felt 15 pairs of eyes on me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man pushed his glasses up. “Dana, will you start us off?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “My name’s Dana and I have a mild form of bipolar disorder.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, now it’s your turn Kaitlyn.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to take a deep breath. “I-I’m K-Kaitlyn a-and I h-have…” I trailed off as I froze up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright?” Phillip asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I curled up in a ball on the chair and hoped that everybody would just forget about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll come back to you, alright?”  He stated. “Phillip.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phillip nodded. “I’m Phillip, but please just call me Phil, and I have borderline personality disorder.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I must’ve looked like a maniac as I sat there taking in deep breaths with my face buried in my knees. Indigo came over once she had noticed and pulled me to the side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on kiddo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t k-know.”  I sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just take a few deep breaths. Calm yourself down.” She said soothingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I did as she said, taking deep breaths as I just sat away from everyone and tried to calm down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, when I was calm, I rejoined the circle quietly, hoping nobody would notice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now that you’re back, would you care to finish your introduction?” The man asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I paused. “U-Umm…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana took my hand and squeezed lightly. “It’s okay.” She assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took another deep breath before attempting my introduction again. “I-I’m K-Kaitlyn a-and I h-have a l-lot of t-things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you share said things?” He pushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nervously tapped on the arm rest. “T-There’s d-depression, PTSD, s-s-schizophrenia and OSFED…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled. “ Thank you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave him an unsure nod and just looked down at my lap as everybody else started introducing themselves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After discovering I could simply pass rather than talk, that’s what I did for the remainder of the session. I zoned in and out of people's drabbles, not particularly concerned with the idea of sharing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that sums it up for today.” The doctor said eventually. “Make sure to prepare a story for tomorrow, the theme is ‘Family’. See you all then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone departed and I sat nervously on the chair, unsure as to where we were supposed to be going.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, let’s go play another board game!” Phil enthused. “So I can beat Dana again!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh….um….okay.”  I answered hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh right, it’s lunch now.” Phil mumbled. “But then we can! Let’s go to the lunch room!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded, slightly taken aback by his enthusiasm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked down to the dining hall and sat at a table with Dana. I was presented with a rather large plate of food, which I certainly didn’t want to eat, but I was in front of people who I actually wanted to like me and I didn’t want to make a scene.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I had taken a few bites before I was feeling full, but I pushed myself to keep eating, to the extent where I felt I was going to be sick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You um, you okay there?” Dana asked. “You’re rather pale.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-where’s a bathroom?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pointed to a room off the dining hall. “Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head lightly as I got up from my seat. “I think I’m gonna be sick.” I stated, beginning to walk to the bathroom. I seemed to feel everything I’d had slosh around in my stomach, making me feel worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana helped me to the stall and gently rubbed my back as I threw up everything I’d eaten. I was horribly embarrassed by her presence, making the whole ordeal even worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry…” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no. It’s okay. I understand.” She assured, handing me some toilet paper to wipe my mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once I’d cleaned up, we went back out to the dining hall and I just sat in silence, still having a horrible feeling of embarrassment floating around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything okay?” Phil asked with a hint of worry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded slightly, not wanting to talk about my trivial issues.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana went back to her own food as I sat there in silence, picking at my fingernails. The silence was sort of scary.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re always here to talk, you know that right?” Phil asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I-It’s just not s-something I w-want to talk a-about…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s alright.” He soothed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana finished up her food. “What should we do now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ph-Phil wanted to p-play another b-board game…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana shrugged. “We’ve played two already. Can’t we do something else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s not much more to do.” Phil mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have individual therapy now two. I’m at 3, what time are you on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “ I d-don’t really know…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It should be on a timetable in your room. Should we go check? There’s nothing else to do around here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.”  I answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nervously led them to my room and opened the door, leading them inside. Phil jumped straight on my bed and sighed happily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is so comfortable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“ Is it r-really?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “It’s great.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana walked over to my drawings on the wall. “Brendon Urie.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah….I drew that when I was feeling pretty homesick.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled slightly. “He’s pretty. You did a good job on the drawing, it looks awesome!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” I smiled. “I miss him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned to me. “Do you know him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “H-he’s my Dad…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana and Phil looked at me for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” She asked. “Like, do you just say that in like, the fangirl way or do you…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-he adopted me….” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? Huh.” Dana said, sitting down next to Phil. “I didn’t think that would be something he’d even consider, considering…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Considering w-what?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana sighed. “His little hiccup. Poor little Beebo was in a car accident, he was driving. His friends, the passengers died on impact. The guilt got really bad and that’s why he’s had to take almost 5 years off music, he’s been struggling so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what?!” I asked. “D-do you know who h-his friends w-were?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “That’s all I know. He went really secretive about it for a really long time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I went silent. “I-I need to t-talk to him…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe you didn’t know.” Phil said. “It was all over the news.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-do you know w-where Indigo is?” I asked, still shocked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana shook her head. “This is therapy time, so she’s probably with some other kid in her office.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat on the bed and looked down. “I-I really n-need her right now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll, um, I’ll go see if I can find her…” Phil said, getting up from his seat and leaving the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started hyperventilating, hoping my connections were incorrect and hoping that wasn’t the accident my parents were in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn?” Dana asked gently. “Everything okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I-I need Indigo.”  I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled me into a hug. “I know. Hold on, she’ll be here soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry f-for acting l-like this….” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. Trust me, if you saw one of my breakdowns...whew. Not pretty.” She assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “This o-one doesn’t seem t-too bad luckily.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good.” She smiled slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil and Indigo came in. Indigo immediately rushed over and started fussing over me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong kiddo?” She asked, bending down to my level.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I n-need to talk to Brendon but I can’t. I m-may have found something out about m-Mom and D-dad and I need to know if it’s true.” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-he might’ve b-been in the c-crash with them…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With who?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-my mom and dad, L-Lydia and D-Damien.”  I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh..” She paused and gulped. “I-I don’t know about that kiddo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I j-just need to t-talk to h-him but I c-can’t!” I sobbed, curling up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gulped. “I-I’ll talk to management, and we’ll see if we can arrange a visiting, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay….” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned to Dana and Phil. “Just stay here with her for a moment, I’ll be back soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They nodded and Indigo left. I remained curled up on my bed, silently crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana wrapped me in a hug. “I-I’m so sorry for causing this Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-it’s f-fine. D-Don’t worry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It sort of sucks that you had to learn it from us.” Phil said, sitting next to me. “Sorry about that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At l-least I know n-now…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess…” Dana mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please don’t f-feel bad….” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana shrugged. “I can’t help it. I’m in the nuthouse for a reason.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-are you a f-fan of Brendon?”  I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laughed. “Yes, I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool.”  I smiled slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-His music, um...it’s really helped me through a lot of tough times.” She admitted nervously. “He s-saved my life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “I’m sure he’d be glad to hear that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I’m sure he hears it from people all the time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He probably hasn’t recently.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She just shrugged. “You seem calmer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even if he was involved, it doesn’t change much. Me knowing isn’t going to bring them back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sucks.” Phil mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “It’s just the truth.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo returned. “So I have some news…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I spoke to Brendon on the phone and told him what you told me…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’d he say?” I questioned, becoming nervous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He actually didn’t say anything. He passed out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh no….” I murmured. “I-Is he okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah rushed to the phone and supposedly is helping him now.” She explained. “She’s unsure of whether he’ll be able to come and visit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what have I done!?”  I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You haven’t done anything kiddo.” Indigo tried to assured. “Brendon is Brendon. He just needs some time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m a terrible daughter.” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, no, you’re not.” Indigo soothed, pulling me into a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You are! </span>
  </em>
  <span>I heard Charles scream. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You’re horrible and you shouldn’t be alive!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-he’s back!” I cried. “He’s b-back and s-saying I shouldn’t b-be alive!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Let’s go get some more medication, okay?” She said, taking my hand and helping me to my feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s back?” Dana asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Charles…” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about it Dana.” Indigo said. “You can go and watch some TV now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will she be alright?” Dana asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She should be.” Indigo stated. “She’ll come back when she’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana nodded. “Okay. Come on Phil, we’ll go out to the common room.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil looked unsure. “But she’s hurt, shouldn’t we help?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if there’s much we can do Phil.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got it from here.” Indigo stated. “Maybe go see if somebody wants to play a board game.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil hesitantly left the room behind Dana, looking back at me concerned just before he left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m a b-bad fr-friend too!” I wailed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t a bad friend Kaitlyn, you can’t control it. I’m sure they understand.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I want t-to go h-home!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re never going home! Brendon hates you now! He won’t want you back! </span>
  </em>
  <span>Tanika screamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t go home yet, I’m sorry. Let’s go get you the medication.” Indigo said softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “O-Okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She led me down to the pharmacy and sat me down on a bench while she went to get the tablets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The voices kept getting louder and louder and I curled up and cried in a bid to make them stop. I started banging my head against the wall in the hope that they’d get the message and leave me alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn!” Indigo rushed over. She put the cups on the seat beside her and rested her hand on my head to stop me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-They’re s-so l-loud!” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know. Take these, okay?” She instructed holding two pills out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took them quickly and tried to ignore all 6 voices screaming abuse at me for doing so.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She held me close so I wouldn’t do anything. After awhile, she loosened her grip. “Are you feeling any better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head tearfully. “T-They’re s-still s-screaming.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. The medicine was supposed to make them go away.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s not w-working!” I panicked, yanking a few strands of hair out of head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, please calm down.”  She said, holding my hands in her own. “I’m trying my hardest.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-So am I!” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Deep breaths, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a raspy deep breath. “H-Help me! P-Please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want a breathing mask?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can I just h-have t-the puffer?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and picked the puffer up from beside her and gave me a puff. She didn’t put it down straight away in case I needed another.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Thanks.” I mumbled, instantly feeling it’s effect.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I assume it’s better then?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Y-Yeah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to go back to your room yet?” She asked. “We can stay here for a bit longer if you want.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m okay. I-I want t-to go s-see D-Dana and Phil.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, let’s go.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took my hand and led me out to the common area, where I nervously approached their card game.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-Hey guys... “ I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi! Are you feeling better?” Dana asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yeah.” I nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. Do you want to play with us?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay.” I said, sitting down beside her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know how snap works?” Phil asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yep.” I nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awesome.” He smiled. They dealt everyone into the new round and we started playing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I played along, but ended up losing because I was too scared to slap the cards in case somebody slapped my hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won!” Dana cheered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave her a small round of applause. “W-Well done.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” She smiled as she packed up the cards.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil looked at the clock. “I’ve got therapy now. I guess I’ll be back in an hour.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye! We’ll see you then!” Dana stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil left, leaving me and Dana sitting together awkwardly in the silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So….” She stated. “What happened before?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nervously rubbed my arms. “I-I, um…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose you don’t want to talk about it.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just g-get breakdowns s-sometimes…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fine. At least you’re feeling better, I suppose.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to do?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I curled up slightly. “W-Whatever you w-want to do…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I don’t know what I want to do.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I d-don’t like d-decisions.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fine. We don’t necessarily have to do anything.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded nervously and we stood in the silence for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did we ever work out when your therapy session was?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I d-don’t think so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to check?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “O-Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked back to my room and Dana went straight to the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re at 4. Right after Phil.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh..okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sat on the chair and spun around, before picking up my sketchbook. “Ooh! More drawings!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wanted to tell her to put it down but I figured she’d hate me for that, so I remained silent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She flicked through it and was looking at my drawings, telling me which ones she liked. It was making me remarkably uncomfortable and I was squirming through the whole ordeal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should be a professional artist when you grow up!” She suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I-I’m not t-that good…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you talking about!?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gently pulled my sketchbook out of her hands. “I-I’m not v-very good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I think you’re brilliant.” She smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave her a shy smile and put my sketchbook under my pillow so she couldn’t get at anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So do you like, play any instruments?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I-I want to…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to play?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “N-not sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I play the guitar. It’s fun.” Dana smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly. “Sounds it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil opened the door. “I found you guys. You ran off without me.”  He pouted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hung my head. “I-I’m s-sorry…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. It was a joke. Don’t worry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a nervous breath and nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, you have therapy now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled myself up off the bed and headed out the room toward Indigo’s office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey kiddo. Come on in.” She said, pushing the door open and welcoming me inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nervously sat down. “S-sorry about before…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Kiddo.” She assured. “Water?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She poured me a glass of water and pushed it towards me on the coffee table. “So how are you feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, not the best but I’m not horrible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that’s good. What have you and Dana been up to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We just went to my room and talked.” I answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you talk about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Music, drawing. Random stuff.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo smiled. “That’s good. How did you feel about that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good, I guess? I was a bit nervous when she started going through my sketchbook though.” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did that make you nervous?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just really personal and important to me.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you tell her that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “She’d hate me if I tried to control her.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo looked puzzled. “You weren’t controlling her if you asked. You’d simply be requesting her to not look at something personal to you, and she’d respect that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just didn’t want to bother her.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, it’s okay to tell people no. If they’re invading your privacy or making you feel uncomfortable, you’re allowed to tell them no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Forget I said anything.”  I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “Kaitlyn, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not important anyway.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed again and turned a new page over in her notebook. “Let’s talk about the voices.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to know?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, let’s start with the sort of voices they are. Are they just random things being said to you, or do they split into different personalities?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s a few people I hear constantly, sometimes there can be random ones too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “You mention names. Do they refer to themselves by those names?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not often, no.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you name them then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sort of, yeah?” I answered unsurely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are the names of the ‘people’ who are in your head most of the time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Charles and Tanika.” I stated simply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wrote those names down. “Are you hearing them right now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only quietly.” I answered. “But yes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What sort of things are they saying??</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “It’s hard to hear.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there anyone else there too?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean by that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are some voices that drop in and out occasionally.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see.” She mumbled. “Do you know their names?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “The almost sound like Brendon and Sarah though, if that’s important at all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She paused. “That’s interesting…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know what that means?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I’ll have to do some research.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh well. What else do you want to know?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What sort of things do they say?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Basically either insults or commands.” I said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She frowned. “What sort of commands?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like when they were telling me to hurt you, or when they tell me reject the medicine or when they told me to jump into the river that one time.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “Okay. Well, I’m going to move you over to a new treatment plan from hereon out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What does that consist of?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you’ll still be seeing me for an hour a day, but you’re also going to go and see a psychiatrist for an hour a day too. Different medication, and our conversations will focus on different things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh joy.” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is the fastest and most effective way to treat you Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is you say so…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Also, medication is now every 4 hours, instead of the 8 you’re used to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “Fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “Alright. Your time is up. Can you go and send Dana in please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright.” I mumbled, getting up from my seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodbye Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye.”  I stated blandly before leaving the room to find Dana.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I found her in the lounge room, watching some TV. I gently tapped her shoulder and sent her down to therapy, before sitting next to Phil, ready for some mind-numbingly boring TV shows.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0067"><h2>67. Chapter 66 - Bad Things Always Happen In Bathrooms</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>She knew. She had realised. She knew. She knew her father was a murderer. She knew I had blood on my hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, it’s alright. It’ll be fine.”  Sarah tried to assure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-She knows S-Sarah.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s knows, yes, but it’s fine. If she knows, then she knows you didn’t do anything, that it wasn’t your fault.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I burst into tears. “S-Sarah s-she knows I-I killed them!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole looked at Sarah for clarification. “What’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon’s having a meltdown.” She whispered, probably so I wouldn’t hear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-She’s g-going to h-hate me!” I wailed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s not going to hate you Brendon. You didn’t do anything wrong.” She soothed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I killed h-her p-parents!” I cried. “I-I should b-be in j-jail!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t kill anyone Brendon. It was an accident. You couldn’t control it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-didn’t s-save them i-in t-time!” I sobbed. “T-They d-died because o-of m-me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You did all you could Brendon, you know that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I could h-have t-turned o-off! I-I could h-have c-changed l-lanes! I-I c-could have d-done so m-many t-things b-but I d-didn’t and n-now they’re d-dead!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, it happened too fast for you to think properly. You tried your best, alright?” She soothed. “You can’t change the past.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“K-Kaitlyn!” I sobbed, collapsing into Sarah’s arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s going to be okay Brendon. It’ll be alright.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-She t-thinks I-I killed t-them b-because I d-did!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t Brendon. It was the driver of the other car. Did you hit them Brendon?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-didn’t s-save t-them!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you tried Brendon. You didn’t kill them. Not at all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I did!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, Sarah…” Nicole said nervously. “Should we call his psychologist?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “Any chance you can call her for me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole nodded and grabbed Sarah’s phone. “What’s the contact name?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should just be Dr Jo.” She answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole nodded and walked outside to make the call.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright Brendon, sit down and just focus on breathing okay? Don’t think about anything else.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“K-Kaitlyn!” I sobbed again, tucking my knees up to my chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, just don’t worry about that right now. It's going to be fine. Just focus on calming down.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>More tears fell down my cheeks. “D-Damien I-I’m s-sorry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, please, think about something else.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled Sarah in for a hug. “I-I’m s-sorry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just sit here and try to calm down, okay? I’m going to try to find your emergency medication.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay.” I sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she came back, she had two pills and a cup of water. “There you go Bren. Take these.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took the pills and looked up at Sarah. “W-What if s-she doesn’t l-love me a-anymore?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She will Brendon. I promise.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-How can y-you be s-sure?!” I wailed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole walked back in. “She wants us to bring him in now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Come on Brendon.” Sarah stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled and followed her out to the car. I sat in the back seat to avoid her worried glares.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The entire ride was eerily silent, though I daren’t say anything. When we got to the offices, Sarah rushed me in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo brought me into her office and I sat silently on the chair, waiting for her to start the session.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, have you had your emergency medication?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “S-Sarah g-gave it t-to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, so what happened?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“K-Kaitlyn k-knows.” I whispered. “S-She’s f-figured o-out I w-was in t-the crash.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, and why did this send you into a meltdown?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Because s-she knows I-I killed t-them!” I wailed. “S-She m-must h-hate me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon…”  She sighed. “You didn’t kill them, so there is no way she could know that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It was a-all my f-fault!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not your fault. If it were your fault you would’ve gone to jail.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I should b-be in j-jail!” I cried. “I-I d-didn’t s-save them!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“FOR GOD’S SAKE BRENDON!” She snapped, clearly frustrated. “You shouldn’t be in jail! You didn’t kill them! You can’t change what happened Brendon!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“K-Kaitlyn k-knows I k-killed t-them!” I sobbed. “S-She w-won’t l-love me a-anymore!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you killing them would be the reason she doesn’t love you anymore…” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“THEN WHAT WOULD?!” I yelled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your persistence, the fact you still think you’re responsible for a crime that happened a decade ago.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-THAT’S BECAUSE IT’S MY FAULT!” I screamed at her. “I WASN’T PAYING ATTENTION AND NOW THEY’RE DEAD AND THAT’S MY FAULT!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“IT’S NOT YOUR GODDAMN FAULT. IT WAS THE DRIVER OF THE OTHER VEHICLE!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I curled up in the chair and just let my crying intensify as I ignored every word Dr Jo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “When are you going to realise?” She asked, slumping into her chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I already k-know the t-truth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take that as a ‘not anytime soon’.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“K-Kaitlyn…” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is not helping at all. I honestly don’t know what to do Brendon. Do you want to go back the institution?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-NO!” I screamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want me to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t k-know!” I exclaimed. “J-Just l-let me c-cry?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can sit there for a bit. I’m going to see what medication could help.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She started looking through textbooks and notes and whatever she had on the computer. After awhile, she just seemed to give up and had her head in her hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m s-sorry…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry Brendon.”  She sighed. “Can you remember what they gave you at the institution?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “A-A blue o-one?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll just call Sam.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “O-Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She picked up her phone and left the room as she made the call. When she came back she looked slightly relieved. “Thank god for Sam.” She murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I g-guess…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s going to come here with the medication since there’s none here. Just might mean you need to get your prescription filled over there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Oh, o-okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to bring Sarah in here for me?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I reluctantly went and got Sarah from the waiting room and brought her in next to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello Sarah.” Dr Jo greeted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Joanne.” She responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry for interrupting you, I just wanted to discuss a change regarding Brendon’s medication.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah took my hand. “Oh, okay. What sort of change?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Brendon is going to be put on a new pill, one that should hopefully aid with control. One issue with this is, the pharmacy here doesn’t actually have it, so the first batch is actually coming from the institution, so you may have to go there to fill his prescription from now on.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “Are there any side effects?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s a chance it might increase hyperactivity but hopefully that doesn’t become an issue. I also think it’s best if he has his medication twice a day, rather than just in the morning, so probably morning and night, especially with this new pill. Is that going to be too much of an issue?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I opened my mouth to say something, but Sarah beat me to it. “No problems at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “That’s good. Hopefully the doctor with his medication will arrive soon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“G-Great.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t sound so excited Brendon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m j-just w-worried a-about what I-I’m g-g-going to say t-to K-Kaitlyn…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully it all goes well.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I h-hope so…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door opened and Sam came in. “Hey.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-Hi S-Sam…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She handed Sarah the medication. “There. Is that all you need Jo?”  She asked, turning to face Dr Jo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Thanks for dropping by.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. Bye Brendon.” She smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave her a small wave before she left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have any questions?” Dr Jo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “N-No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. You guys can go. I suggest he takes his medication when he gets back to the house to see what side effects may arise.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “Thanks for squeezing him in on such short notice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t a problem. Goodbye Uries.”  She waved us goodbye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah walked me out to the car and I curled up in the passenger seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up Bren?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing…” I mumbled, looking out the window.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s clearly something. What’s going on?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Nothing Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d appreciate if you didn’t lie to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m just thinking about K-Kaitlyn.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be fine, I’m sure.”  She said, taking my hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-Maybe.” I responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be okay. Do you want to go out later to take your mind off of things?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I-I just w-want to g-go home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, that’s fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Thanks.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We got home and found Nicole and Jaxon sitting in the lounge room. “Hey guys, how have you been?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon smiled. “Good!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good.” Sarah smiled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked past them and walked my way out to the studio, locking the door behind me. I fumbled through my CD collection and found the one I was looking for, before slamming it in the player and trying to hold back the waves of emotion as the songs began to play.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah snuck into the room and handed me the medication. She pulled me into a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I locked t-the d-door!” I defended.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “I’m sorry Brendon.” She pulled away and left the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I turned my attention back to the music and immediately teared up as the next song came on, the song Damien wrote about Kaitlyn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sent me a text. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Are you coming out for dinner? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I replied back.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m just going to stay here for a while.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alright. I’m here if you need me.</span>
  </em>
  <span>  She sent after a while.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t respond to that one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat there for quite awhile, letting the CD repeat a few times before there was another text. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I miss you Bren...</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I read it and sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll come to bed when I’m tired.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Goodnight Brendon.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I paused for a moment before texting back. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Goodnight Sarah.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I was there for a good while longer, and when I ended up going to bed, Sarah was lying asleep with puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. I wanted to wake her up and find out why but I couldn’t bring myself to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I climbed in under the sheets and lay there for a good while as well, just staring at the ceiling, then at Sarah, then back at the ceiling. After a while, Nicole entered, already dressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just leaving for a run Brendon.” She whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Stay safe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smirked slightly. “I will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t go to sleep, I just laid on the bed and contemplated everything. Once it was getting late in the morning, I got up from the bed. My movement woke Sarah. </span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Bren?” She mumbled sleepily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Come lie down. It’s too early.” She murmured, grabbing my hand and pulling me back into bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not that early Sarah…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She snuggled up really close to me. “I d-don’t care.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and laid beside her. “What happened last night Sarah? You looked like you had been crying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I was worried about you Bren.” She mumbled. “T-That’s why I was crying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why were you worried?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you had a meltdown and then you went and hid in your studio and you were torturing yourself with that CD again and i-it worries me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry Sarah. I just didn’t know what to do with myself.” I murmured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She snuggled her head into my neck. “What time did you go to sleep?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I didn’t really go to sleep…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “That’s not good Bren!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well….I don’t know…” I murmured. “I’m sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. You can sleep now.” She mumbled sleepily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not tired Sarah.” I stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Too bad.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I literally feel like I’ve had 10 cups of coffee. I can’t get to sleep.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, just lie with me then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright.” I sighed. “Do you want to cuddle since we’re here?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “I’d like that a lot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight. “Are you comfy?” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep.” She giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is nice.” I breathed. “I missed this.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt her smile. “This is great.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ended up falling asleep while we were laying there.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Kaitlyn’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey kiddo.” Indigo smiled as she came in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Indigo.” I said back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m okay.” I shrugged. “Any news about Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s much better. He’s on a new medication now, so he should be good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-oh, okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ready to start the new plan?” She asked. “Your session with the psychiatrist is soon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“R-Right…” I grumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright. It’s not going to be bad at all, I promise. He’s super nice.” She assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay…” I mumbled unsurely. “D-Do you h-have my m-medication?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and handed me two cups. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took the medication and handed them back. “T-Thanks…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. Hopefully they’ll work well.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “H-Hopefully.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you start feeling weird at all, tell me, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “D-Do they m-make people f-feel weird?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They just can have some pretty intense side-effects when you’re this young.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Oh…” I gulped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So that’s why you need to tell me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I w-will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” She smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Kaitlyn!” Dana smiled as she bounced over. “Coming to breakfast?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um….I’m not sure...Maybe?” I answered unsurely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo nodded. “You two should head to breakfast. Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “I-I’m not hungry though…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dana, can you make sure she eats something for me?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked down. “I h-have been eating l-last time I a-ate too much and g-got sick…”  I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess I’m sitting with you guys then.” Indigo muttered as she grabbed her plate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine Kiddo. Let’s just eat.” She sighed, walking us over to where Phil was sitting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ate a little bit before I pushed my plate into the centre of the table. I was honestly afraid to ate because I didn’t want to vomit again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo pushed my plate back towards me. “Come on kiddo, I know you can eat more than that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I d-don’t want to g-get sick.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo handed me the bread roll. “Eat this and I’ll be happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nibbled on the edge of the bread roll and put it down. “I-I’m sorry…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana looked at me. “Please, please just eat that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t…” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “I expect more at lunch then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “I-I don’t know I-Indigo.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t say anything more, just took my plate away to the wash up station.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana fell silent. I felt like I’d failed everyone. I hung my head and fiddled with my fingers under the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay.” Phil said quietly. “I understand how hard it must be for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t matter. No one else sees it.” I sighed. “They don’t even seem to notice I’m trying.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil gave me a half smile. “I do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When breakfast was finished, I was told to make my way to a psychiatrist office, down a hallway I’d never been in before. I sat on the chair outside the office until the man welcomed me inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello.” He greeted, smiling slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-Hi.” I stammered nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m Nathan. Good to finally meet you Kaitlyn.”  He introduced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded to signify I understood his comment and looked around his office. It was a lot more formal than Indigo’s office, when tended to be more of a lounge room. This room seemed to be more of an office, with a desk and two small chairs in one corner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully you don’t feel intimidated. Many people seem to be.” He stated, clearly noticing that I was looking around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I s-see w-why…” I murmured under my breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, how are you feeling?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay I g-guess…” I mumbled, taking a seat on one of the chairs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there a particular reason you aren’t necessarily well?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I made e-everybody sad a-at breakfast.” I explained nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, and how did that happen?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just c-couldn’t e-eat a-and e-everbody w-was disap-pointed e-even t-though I w-was t-trying…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Did you eat anything?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-two or t-three bites?” I said, thinking back to the horror that was breakfast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded again. “Alright. We shall move on from that since it doesn’t appear to be a fond memory.” He stated. “So apparently you’ve been having encounters with voices. Can you further explain this?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “T-They’re j-just people a-and they t-talk. A-And I hear t-them. B-But n-nobody e-else d-does.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s generally how these things go. Have you had your medication yet?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I-I had i-it before b-breakfast.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And did it help with the voices? Did they go away?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I c-can s-sort of hear t-them m-murmuring, b-but I c-can’t understand w-what they’re s-saying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “Alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded awkwardly and went back to looking around the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He typed something up onto his computer. “Okay, what else do you want to talk about?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I d-don’t r-really w-want to t-talk at all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, why don’t you want to talk?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Because y-you make me talk a-about m-myself and I-I don’t l-like doing t-that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I only do that to help you get better. Anyway, I’ve gathered enough information from this session so we can talk about whatever you want.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-You’re s-still making m-me talk.” I noted quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you rather we participated in stimulating activities instead?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-What’s t-that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Basically we play games to encourage brain activity.”  He explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-oh. Um...i-if you w-want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well it’s your choice.” He stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I curled up. “I-I don’t l-like d-decisions.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I sadly can’t make this one for you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t respond and sat in the silence in the hope that he would make the decision for me. He sat across from me and simply waited for an answer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you come a conclusion yet?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “N-no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I highly suggest you choose soon. These sessions become pointless if you waste time procrastinating.” He stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “W-We’ll d-do t-the g-game t-thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. How do you feel about tasks including colour?” He asked. “Not necessarily flashing colour, just changing colour.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m a-actually c-c-colourblind…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fine.” He assured. “We can work around that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and leaned back in the chair. “O-okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so we’ll start with this. Can you count down from 100, subtracting 5 every time?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave him a funny look, but began doing so. “O-one hundred, n-ninty f-five, n-ninty, e-eighty f-five, e-eighty, s-seventy…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I covered my mouth with my hands when I realised I’d messed up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright, keep going.”  He encouraged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-But I’ll j-just m-mess up again.” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll never get better if you give up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I closed my eyes and clenched my fists as I kept going. “S-sixty f-five, s-sixty, f-fifty five, f-fifty, f-forty five, forty, t-thirty f-five, thirty, t-twenty f-five, t-twenty, fifteen, t-ten, f-five, z-zero.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good job.” He smiled. “Want to do another?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I guess.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” He stated. He opened his drawer and pulled out a laminated piece of paper. “With this one, you have to count how many stars you can see on this chart.” He put the paper in front of me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is this a-a joke?” I asked, looking at the plain paper in front of me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He frowned. “No, why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t s-see any s-stars.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm….” He murmured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what c-colour are they?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Blue-ish?” He answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and slumped in my chair. “T-That explains i-it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So can you see no colour is it it just certain colours?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Blue. I c-can’t see b-blues.” I explained glumly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sucks, I’m sorry. At least you can see some colours?” He offered. “Not being able to see any sucks.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-How would y-you k-know?” I asked accusingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Personal experience.” He sighed. “Luckily I have people tell me what colours things are, like these charts.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Do you just s-see in black a-and white?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Well, yeah. Black, white and greys.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-sorry for s-snapping t-then.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. You didn’t know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I just looked down at my fingers. “W-We’re both screwed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If that’s how you wish to put it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I want t-to g-go home.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sadly you can’t.” He mumbled. “Hopefully soon though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-Am I g-going to h-have to spend C-Christmas in h-here?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As far as I’ve heard, no.” He answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“R-Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what I’ve heard. As long as you don’t have any major slip ups you should be fine.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay.” I said, trying to hide the grin on my face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan chuckled. “Well, let’s talk about life in here then. Have you made any friends?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I’ve made two…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And who would those two be?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Their names are Dana and Phillip, or Phil.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah yes. Good kids, those ones. Although I may advise you to expand your friendship group slightly, as both of them are probably going to be sent home in the next week.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh…”  I murmured. “That’s good for them, I guess.” I forced a weak smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are a bunch of other lovely kids to talk to in the center though, so don’t limit yourself. Pretty much everybody will be open to make friends.” He assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I j-just find it h-hard to talk t-to new people…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it can seem scary, but you have to push yourself a little bit, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “I w-wish I was going h-home like them…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I’m sorry.” He apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not your fault. It’s mine, truly. You shouldn’t apologise.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan looked at his watch. “Well, our time is up. I’m going to give you some homework to do for me before our session tomorrow, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re g-going to m-make me t-talk to people, aren’t y-you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckled. “I want you to talk to one new person.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there a-anything else? Anything o-other than that?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “We’ll take it slow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-who should I t-talk to?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk to another patient. Other than that, it’s up to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t help much. I’ve already talked to a new person today anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who is?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckled. “Your homework is to talk to a fellow patient other than Dana and Phil, okay? It doesn’t have to be a long conversation, but you have to go up and introduce yourself, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s hard though. There’s n-not much to say. I can’t r-really go up to someone and go, Hey, I’m Kaitlyn, a horribly screwed person you probably will never talk to after this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed slightly. “Just go up and say ‘Hi, I’m Kaitlyn’. And then they’ll tell you their name. If you need to say something else, ask about what they’re doing at the time you’re talking to them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought I liked you for a minute too.”  I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckled again. “I’ll see you tomorrow Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked out of the office and back towards the common area, where Dana and Phil were playing a card game. I nervously sat down next to them, hoping that they wouldn’t ask where I’d been.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-hi…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Kaitlyn!” Phil smiled. “I’m winning, yet again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana frowned. “By the tiniest of margins!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He flashed a cheeky grin. “It’s still winning, is it not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “We’ll finish this game soon, then you can join.” She stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly. “Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked around at everyone in the common room, looking for someone I might be able to talk to, but everyone was talking in groups of people.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who are you looking for?” Phil asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I a-apparently need to talk t-to more people.” I mumbled. “I just don’t know who to t-talk to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana pointed to a girl sitting in the corner. “She only got here yesterday. I don’t think anybody has talked to her yet. Maybe you could go talk to her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a deep breath in before walking over to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was sitting in the corner, looking over everybody else’s conversations. I nervously sat down next to her before clearing my throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-hi, I’m Kaitlyn.” I  introduced. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave me a slight wave, before looking down. She pulled out a book before scribbling a message down. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sorry for not talking, I’m just scared. My name is Florence.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave her a half-smile. “I-I’m s-scared t-to. I u-understand. N-Nobody will l-let me h-have a b-book though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Do you want mine?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay…” I mumbled, taking the notebook into my own hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what do you l-like to do?” She whispered nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Draw I g-guess.” I whispered back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool. I like to write.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “T-That’s cool.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shivered uncomfortably. “I-It’s l-loud in h-here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “M-Maybe we can go to a b-bedroom or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stood up and led me down the hall to a room I assumed to her hers. It was very much the same as mine, except for a different schedule and different bedsheets. And for some reason she had a bookshelf.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is my little recluse.” She smiled. “My family gave me some books to keep me entertained.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “T-That’s nice o-of them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Yeah, it was. The main reason they did it was because they would be too busy with work to visit. They’re very business orientated.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see.” I mumbled. “I w-wasn’t allowed v-visitors this w-week but I t-think my f-family will be h-here on Sunday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. What are your family like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-They’re r-really nice…” I trailed off. “B-But they k-keep a l-lot of secrets.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “My parents are like that too. It feels like I don’t know them much at all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “D-Do you k-know when we h-have to be a-at group t-therapy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um…” She stated, looking at the timetable. “A few minutes. Shall we go?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “O-Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s group therapy like?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t want to scare her with my bad experiences so I just said what Dana told me. “I-It’s not that bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “I’m glad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We reached the room and got chairs next to each other, and Dana sat on the other side of me. I could see Florence getting more and more nervous as more people piled in, and by the time the circle was full, she looked like she was on the verge of a panic attack.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took her hand. “It’s okay. You’ll be okay.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave me a look of terror. “I-I c-can’t d-do this!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled her up and took her to the side of the room. “It’s alright, just breathe, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I-I c-can’t do t-this! I r-really c-can’t!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ended up taking her out of the room and sitting her down. “Okay, is it any better out here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah…” She mumbled. “T-Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo walked out. “What’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Florence was freaking out so I came out here to help her.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sat down next to her. “What’s up Flo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-there’s l-lots of p-people in th-there.” She whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo nodded. “Kaitlyn, do you want to go back inside? Florence and I are just going to have some 1-on-1 time right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Alright…” I mumbled before going back into the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down next to Dana and the man started the session.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Welcome back everyone. As I said yesterday, today’s topic is ‘family’. We’re all going to go around the circle and tell a story relating to family, okay? And after one person finishes, we can have a group discussion about what has been said. Okay, Phil, do you wish to start us off?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “When I was first diagnosed, all my friends basically abandoned me, but my brother became my best friend. He always made sure I was happy, and that’s really what I wanted. I sort of owe everything to him.” He said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man smiled. “Thank you for sharing. Does anybody have anything to say or any questions?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone shook their heads. “Okay, Dana?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana took a deep breath. “My family didn’t understand at first after I was diagnosed. My brother would call me insane and crazy and my sister would avoid me because she thought I was going to hurt her. And I think that’s what sort of triggered the episode that got me in here…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man nodded. “Does anyone want to ask about that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was the episode?” A boy asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shuddered. “I, um, I took a baseball bat and sort of destroyed the car…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boy nodded slightly, though he appeared more hesitant. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyone else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did your sister think you were going to hurt her?” Another kid asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, because I wasn’t really in control at the start, and I was scared and frustrated.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man nodded. “Though you’re doing much better now, and you’ve almost recovered completely.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled and nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, Kaitlyn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-My parents-died w-when I w-was 5.” I whispered. “S-So I g-grew up w-without a family.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got a few sympathetic glances. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, that’s pretty simple. Ally?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The girl sitting next to me began speaking. “My family says it’s my fault. They don’t believe in mental illness. My aunt is the only reason I’m actually getting help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man nodded. “Anyone have any questions?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A boy raised his hand. “But wouldn’t your parents realise something was wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “They didn’t really care.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, moving on. Stephen?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the stories moved by pretty slowly, many of them being very similar. Finally, the session ended and we were all sent to the lunch room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked around for Florence and found her with Indigo. I walked over and sat down beside her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-hey.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi. Are you feeling better?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I-I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure if it’s a good idea for you two to eat together.” Indigo stated, looking between us.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you’ve both got eating disorders and I’m worried you’ll drag each other down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “If you say so….” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but s-she’s my o-only f-friend!” Florence objected. “P-Please d-don’t send h-her away!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want you two to get better and I don’t know if eating together will do that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-But Nathan s-said I h-had to talk to people o-other than Dana and Phil!” I tried to argue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Fine, sit down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly and put my plate on the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thank you I-Indigo…” Florence stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine,” Indigo stated. “But both of you have to eat or I’m splitting you up, hear me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We both nodded, though mine was much more hesitant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I noticed Florence ate a lot faster than I did, and seemed to be able to get more down. I thought for a moment she was only affected a little bit by the disorder, before she tried to make a break for the bathrooms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo took her hand. “We had a deal. Are you really going to do that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “B-But! B-But I-I’m going to b-be s-sick!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just sit down and see if your stomach settles down, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sat down next to me and tapped the seat with her fingers as I continued eating my food, despite the discomfort it was giving me. After I’d eaten almost three quarters of it, I pushed it away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, you’re almost done. Please, just finish that bit.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t t-think I c-can…” I mumbled. “I-I’m sorry…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “Just a little bit more, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a small bit of the bread roll and put it back on the plate. “T-there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please.” She almost begged. “Please, just eat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Florence forced a smile. “Y-You can d-do it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly and took another small bite.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just one more, and you can go.” Indigo stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I forced myself to take one more bite and slumped into my chair, feeling my stomach disagree with everything that I had just eaten.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo smiled. “Thank you. Now, you can go, but you’re both under supervision, so no hiding in bedrooms.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Florence shuddered. “I-I d-don’t t-think I c-can go b-back to the c-common a-area…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I rested my head on the table. “Can we just wait here for a bit? I feel sick.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “Fine. But I have to go, so somebody else is going to be here until you have individual therapy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded slightly and closed my eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Kaitlyn. Before I forget, medication for you.” She mumbled, getting up from her seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Every four hours.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel like I’m going to throw up though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You still need to take it.” Indigo said, handing me the pills and some water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took the pills and had a sip of the water before I went back to my resting position. “N-Now I f-feel worse…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Florence patted my back. “I-It should w-wear off s-soon…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I curled up on the chair and tried to hold in the vomit that kept creeping to my mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I have to go. Somebody else is coming. Don’t you two dare leave this spot, you hear me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Florence nodded. “We won’t, don’t worry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave us one last (sort of threatening) glare, before she left the room. As soon as she was out the door, Florence sprinted to the bathroom as fast as she possibly could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Florence!” I called.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t answer me and ran straight inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and stayed sitting down. Nathan came over and was looking for Florence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She went to the bathroom.”  I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “Florence is bulimic. She’s on watch for at least an hour after eating, but somebody left and she must’ve seen an opportunity to run for it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Indigo had to leave for some reason. She said someone was coming to supervise us.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that person was me, and here I am.” He muttered. “Can you go see if you can find her for me? And don’t you think about throwing up, okay? I will hear you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked into the bathroom and heard gagging coming from one of the end stalls. “Is that you Floe?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“K-Kaitlyn?” She whimpered, collapsing against the wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Florence!?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m h-here.” She whispered. “E-End s-stall.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Can you come out here at least?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She unlocked the door and nervously walked out. “I-I’m s-sorry, I-I just…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright. We can’t do much now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “I-I’m s-still s-sorry…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. We have to go out though, okay? Nathan, one of the psychiatrists, is looking for you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She froze. “I-I’m g-going to b-be in t-trouble, a-aren’t I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. He’s not a very mean guy. I don’t think he’ll yell at you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t t-t-think I c-can g-go out t-there…” She stammered, backing into one of the stalls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Florence, please. I don’t think you are in trouble. He wasn’t mad. Please, just come out. I’ll be right there with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She locked the stall door. “I-I can’t f-face a-another n-new p-person!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need to come out Florence.” I stated. “Please.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m i-in here b-because of e-extreme s-s-social anxiety. I-I c-can’t.” She sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re going to be okay. I know it’s really scary, but you need to come out. I’m going to be right there beside you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t!” She cried. “J-Just l-leave m-me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry…” I mumbled before leaving the bathrooms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan was waiting outside. “What’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s afraid.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...Of?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Meeting you. Apparently her anxiety is getting really bad and she’s saying she can’t come out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “I’ll go get somebody she knows. Wait here, I’ll be back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Alright.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He walked away, leaving me waiting outside the bathroom door. After 5 minutes I decided to go in to check on Florence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Florence?” I called.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-Who i-is it?” She asked in a terrified voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s Kaitlyn.” I responded gently </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “I-I-I’m s-s-sorry about t-this…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. It’s not your fault. Nathan is going to get someone you already know, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Oh g-god…” She murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Indigo’s g-going to b-be m-mad at m-me…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure she’ll understand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Florence just cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo came into the bathroom. I moved away from the stall so she could talk to Florence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Flo, kiddo, are you okay?” She asked gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry!” She cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, it’s okay, but you have to unlock this door for me, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a bit of fiddling with the lock, the door opened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Florence looked terrible. Her face and eyes were red and puffy, and she had vomit on her shirt. She was curled up on the toilet in a ball, and she was seemingly terrified of everybody around her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s just get you out of the stall, okay?” Indigo said gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She froze. “D-Don’t t-touch m-me! P-Please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay. We’ll just talk, alright?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded uncertainly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so why are you scared of everyone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Because t-t-they’re e-everywhere a-a-and they s-scare m-me!” She freaked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright, that’s alright. Why does that scare you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t k-know!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo gulped. “Okay, Flo I’m going to come a bit closer now, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “P-please don’t.”  She whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just one step. I’m going to take one step closer. That’s all. Here we go,” Indigo said, taking a slow step forward. “And that’s it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Florence was shaking now. “W-why did you d-do that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just trying to help you.” Indigo explained slowly. “Can you come a bit closer to me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “N-Not any closer, p-please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I take a step back, can you take a step towards me?” Indigo proposed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t think s-so.” She stammered, trying to shuffle away from Indigo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo turned to me. “Go tell Nathan we have a ‘code purple’, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ummm, okay?” I stated before I ran out of the bathroom. Nathan was still standing outside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Indigo said there’s a code purple.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “Tell her I’m on it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and walked back in the bathroom. “He’s on it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” Indigo stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan came into the bathroom and raced over to Indigo. “So there’s apparently not much we can do.” He stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Florence started hyperventilating. “W-Who a-a-are y-y-you?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m Nathan, a psychiatrist. Don’t worry, I’m not coming any closer than this.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her breathing grew more staggered as she tried to get away from us.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They suggested some medicine but it might knock her out.” He scratched the back of his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s better than standing here doing nothing. Can you go get it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded and rushed out of the bathroom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Florence. It’s going to be alright. We’re going to make you feel a lot better, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Don’t c-come a-a-any c-closer!” She begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not right now. I might have to in a second though, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-No!” She panicked. “G-Get away f-from m-me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed and stepped back. Nathan came back in with a syringe and handed it to Indigo. “Good luck.” He murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Florence screamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo took a step closer and quickly inserted the needle, pushing the medicine out of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“LET GO OF ME!” Florence screamed at the top of her lungs. “DON’T TOUCH ME, PLEASE! LET GO OF ME!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo took a few steps back after she was finished. “There’s no more, You’re okay.”  She soothed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was still screaming at the top of her lungs, and for a moment I was unsure if she would ever stop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her screaming got quieter, and eventually, she seemed to be asleep. Indigo sighed in relief. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is she o-okay?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo nodded. “She should be.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Should?” I echoed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo gently picked her up from her seat on the closed toilet and turned around. “Let’s get her to bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm….w-where should I g-go?” I asked Nathan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Back to the common room I suppose.” He shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-alright…” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nervously walked back to the common room, where I sat down with Dana and Phil.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, what happened back there?” Phil asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I was just sitting with F-Florence and th-then she h-had a p-panic attack i-in the bathroom…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is she okay?” Dana asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-don’t know….” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-Well, let’s just take our minds off it with another game on Uno.” Phil chuckled awkwardly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil dealt us into the game and we started playing, but my mind was still fixated on Florence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lunch was good today…” Dana mumbled as an attempt to start conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil shrugged. “I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s your turn Kaitlyn.” Dana mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I put down a card and went back to my thoughts, not really concentrating on the game at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil threw his cards onto the ground. “This clearly isn’t distracting us much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah…” Dana mumbled. “When do we have therapy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ummm...What day is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wednesday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have individual therapy like now.” He murmured. “But I really don’t want to get up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have to go though.” Dana said. “I guess we’ll see you later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “I guess so.” He murmured, getting up from the floor and heading out of the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I turned to Dana. “W-What d-do we d-do now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “Whatever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I just nodded and slumped in my chair, worrying about Florence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope she’s okay….” Dana murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-she d-didn’t s-seem it i-in the b-bathroom…” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure Indigo will help.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded uncertainly. “M-Maybe…”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0068"><h2>68. Chapter 68- You’re Gonna Let It Eat You Away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>***** Sarah’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so why exactly didn’t you step into stop her?” I asked Brendon, still not understanding his side of the story.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know!” He exclaimed. “It a-all happened so fast!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> I sighed. “Alright. It’s fine.” I convinced myself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard a door open and turned around to see Nicole. “Hey guys.” She murmured.  She went to rub her eyes and found the bandages. “Okay, ow. That kinda hurt.” She mumbled. “So what the hell happened to this?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I blinked. “Don’t you remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really, no?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You burned your hand trying to pull the cookies out of the oven while they were burning.” I explained slowly. “We had to go to the hospital and get it dressed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was it really that bad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon nodded. “Third degree.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shivered. “I don’t really want to imagine how that looked.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t very pretty.” Brendon mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I'm sorry, I guess?” She apologised awkwardly. “All I know is that it hurts.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t apologise. It’s okay. Do you want some more painkillers?” I offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I handed her the pills and a bottle of water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Speaking of that, Brendon, you need to take your medication too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He frowned. “B-But…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No buts.” I said as I handed him his cocktail of pills. “Take them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stupid PTSD.” He muttered before taking the pills. “Stupid crash. Stupid car. Stupid everything!” He snapped, slamming the water bottle on the table and getting up from his seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, calm down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No , Sarah, just-” He sighed. “I don’t know.” He walked out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I followed him out to the studio. “What’s going on Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“GO AWAY SARAH!” He shouted, throwing a book at me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, calm down. You’re going to hurt someone.” I said gently. He threw a tissue box next.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“GET OUT!” He yelled. “AND DON’T COME BACK IN!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon!” I was crying now. “P-please, calm down!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get out Sarah!” He instructed, clenching his fists.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re scaring me Brendon.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then leave!” He punched the desk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, what’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I DON’T KNOW SARAH!” He slammed his hands on the table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave him his medication and a water bottle. I closed the door and heard something hit it, in fact, a small section of the wood was now sticking out after being broken. “Brendon, please. Come out here and talk.” I begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another piece of wood started to stick out. “Ow.” He whimpered and I heard him breath out heavily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard him slump against the door and start crying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It h-hurts Sarah…” He cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you open the door Brendon?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door opened slightly and Brendon was sitting there, holding his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I look at it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He held his hand out and looked away. I was gentle with it, seeing the open wounds in it. There were a few splinters also, so I tried to not touch around it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We need to clean this, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded weakly and I led him into the bathroom. I had to pull the small bits of wood out of it and he whimpered every time I touched the area slightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“3…...2…..1.” I counted down before pulling the largest piece out. Brendon was in tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave him a light kiss. “It’ll feel so much better once I’m done.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It hurts s-so much!” He cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. Let's get this dressed and cleaned and then I’ll give you some medication okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “I-I don't know w-what happened.”  He whimpered. I dabbed the blood away with a wet cloth. Brendon didn’t seem to like that much and kept pulling his hand away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright. We’ll talk when you’re a bit more calm.” I stated, wrapping the bandage around. He flinched and my hand hit the wounds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ow! Sarah!” He cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry Bren.” I apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It stings…” He whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. It’ll hurt for a little bit. Hopefully it’ll start to feel better soon.” I soothed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Do you think I-I can c-call Dr J-Jo?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “If you want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Do you think I sh-should?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Why do you want to call her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just want to kn-know what’s h-happening. Sh-she’ll probably just g-give me more m-medication.” He moped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you feel like you need to Brendon, sure.” I answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I led Brendon out to the lounge and handed him the wide variety his pills while I got some water. He was searching through all the medication before he ran his hand through his hair. “It’s not here.” He stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s not there Bren?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-the stuff f-for my ADHD.” He stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Okay, I’ll go out and get some, okay? You stay here and calm down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Do you think I-I ever h-hit th-them?” He asked, tears forming. “D-Do you think th-they hated me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled him into a hug. “I doubt they hated you Brendon. Your were his best friend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took a deep breath in. “C-Can you go g-get the stuff s-so I don’t d-do that again?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and placed a kiss on his forehead. “I’ll be back soon Bren. Sit tight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I drove to the pharmacy and as I was parking, Brendon started calling me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong Bren?” I answered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ve screwed up S-Sarah. Oh god. I-I’ve screwed up bad!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, what happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I did it again!” He cried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’d you do?” I asked, becoming more panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-the emergency pills w-weren’t working s-so I took m-more and more and n-now there’s n-none left!” He sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When I left, there were at least 20 left. And they’re strong too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, Brendon, I’m going to call an ambulance, okay? Go find Nicole and tell her what happened. I’ll be with you as soon as I can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hung up the phone, called an ambulance to the house and started driving home, most definitely speeding. A police car pulled me over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ma’am, you do realise you were going 20 over the speed limit?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started panicking. “I’m sorry, it’s just my husband just overdosed on his medication and he really needs help!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to write you a ticket.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Just make it quick, please.” I begged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded and quickly wrote out a ticket before giving it to me. “Thank you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded once again and I started driving back home, decreasing my speed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When I got home the ambulance was already there and loading Brendon onto a stretcher. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry Sarah!” He sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got into the back of the ambulance with him, well and truly knowing the drill by now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright. We’ll sort it out.” I assured. “But why’d you take the emergency pills? It wasn’t the PTSD babe, that’s why I was going out, remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I started th-thinking about D-Damien and L-Lydia and the c-crash and it f-felt like everything I s-saw was triggering m-” He looked around the ambulance and started hyperventilating. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took his hand. “Breathe Brendon. We’re just going to the hospital, it’s alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-are they okay?” He whimpered to one of the paramedics.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are who okay?” One asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Damien, L-Lydia, Kaitlyn, a-are they okay?” He asked again. I tightened my grip on his hand, not having the willpower to tell him what happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who are they?” The paramedic asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-they were i-in the crash! Are th-they okay?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The paramedic shrugged. “Maybe you’ll see them once you’re feeling a bit better.” He assured. “They might be here if they were in a crash.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon sighed in relief. “O-okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears were running down my face and I couldn’t begin to fathom how I’d be able to tell him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We reached the hospital and the paramedics lifted him out of the back and took him into the hospital. They transported him into an emergency room and got him hooked up to an IV which freaked him out to no extent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I want to see my friends!” He cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Bren, your friend died over a decade ago…” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No they didn’t! I was just with them!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a deep breath and walked out of the room, taking this opportunity to call Dr Jo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah?” She answered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, um….Are you busy right now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am in the middle of a session, but it depends. What’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just-” I started. “When are you going to be done?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“10 minutes or so.” She said. “Would you like me to call you back?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please.” I stated simply. I just hoped that he didn’t get worse in that time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong Sarah?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything. Basically anything that could go wrong has.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon got mad and started throwing things at me, then he punched a hole in the door and then he ran out of ADHD medication so I had to go get some and then while I was out he overdosed on his emergency medication and now he’s having an episode in the hospital.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh dear…” She breathed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So just….call as soon as you can?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. Stay strong Sarah, I’ll be there soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” I stated before hanging up the phone. I went back to Brendon and he was still begging to see his friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I n-need to s-see t-that they’re o-okay!” He pleaded. “P-Please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can see them once you’re better Brendon.”  I assured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He forced against some restraints that had been placed on the bed. “I-I need t-to s-see them n-n-now!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t Brendon, I’m sorry.” I apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His face twisted up. “I think I’m going to be sick.” I muttered. I grabbed a sick bag and held it to his mouth as he vomited into it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. Get it all out Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He finished throwing up and groaned, before returning back to his cries for his friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I n-need to s-see Damien! I-I n-need to s-see h-him!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t Brendon!” I cried. “I wish you could but you physically can’t!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I c-can! I-I’m fine!” He wailed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, he’s dead! You can’t see him!” I sobbed. “And you aren’t fine Brendon. You're not fine at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I am!” He cried,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t Brendon and I hate to say this, but you haven’t been for a long time…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-Please l-let me s-see them!” He cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t see them Brendon, I’m sorry.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-Why?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because they aren’t here Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can t-they can c-come in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head, then Dr Jo came in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lydia!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Brendon. I am Dr Joanne Yolanda, your psychologist.” She stated, almost as if this had happened before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t have a psychologist….?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you do. And that’s me.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When did this happen?” He asked, very confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Almost 7 years ago. I’ve been your psychologist for a really long time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“7 years? Wasn’t I in school then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you are 29 years of age.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? No, I’m not!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I handed him his driver’s licence. “Yes you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? No! But the band just started, we were getting ready for a tour! We were at the end of school! I’m not 29!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed. “Sarah, I think Brendon needs a nap.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Alright…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-What?” Brendon asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright Brendon, calm down.” I tried to soothe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t!” He wailed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes you can Brendon, it’s alright. You’re fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo walked over with a syringe. “We’re just going to let you have a good long sleep, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“GET THAT AWAY FROM ME!” He yelled, curling away from Dr Jo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo didn’t seem affected and poked the needle into his neck. “Don’t worry Brendon, you’ll wake up feeling much, much better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ow…” He whimpered before falling asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gently stroked his hair. “Why does this keep happening Jo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Nothing ever seems to work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just need to find some sort of miracle cure. It kills me to see him like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, it’s horrible. I wish I could do more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So do I.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what exactly happened to bring him to this point?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn tipped him off, and then he sort of fell into a downward spiral.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’d Kaitlyn do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She connected the dots and has sort of figured out that Brendon was in the crash that killed Damien and Lydia.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right….” She murmured. “I can see how that’d send him to this, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He wasn’t sleeping, he would hide in the studio and lock the door so nobody else could get in...it was bad.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It sounds like it…” She murmured. “I’m going to talk to some people in the psych ward. I’ll be back soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>****Kaitlyn’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey kiddo.” Indigo smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi.” I muttered, still aggravated by this morning’s events.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I don’t know. My only friends here are gone!” I snapped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, hey, I know it sucks but you knew it was going to happen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t think it’d be so soon…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. Well let’s talk about last night.”  She instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Can we just talk about Mom and Dad?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took a deep breath in. “It’s probably best we don’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not? Are they okay?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah’s fine?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened to Brendon?!” I asked, becoming panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He, he had an anger fit and punched a hole through a door, then he overdosed on medication so he was taken to the hospital where he had an episode and now he’s sedated.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is he okay?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know….”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>****Sarah’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um….Sarah?” I heard Joanne ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm?” I turned away from Brendon. She seemed kind of nervous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um...Well, we need to talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My face fell. “Go on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Since Brendon, well, overdosed, the doctors are concerned there may be some potentially detrimental effects on Brendon’s vital organs. Obviously, we had the incident where he was showing irregular heartbeat but they want to carry out testing to ensure he’ll be alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They think he should be fine, they were just concerned he may slip into a coma, so they’re carrying out tests.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. The tests went over hours. They took his heart rate, they took blood samples, scans and the final straw, they took him in for surgery. His body had been having so much difficulty fighting all the medication that it stopped functioning in a normal way, causing multiple blocks in his intestines. Everything was beginning to build up and they were concerned there could be a rupture, so I didn’t hesitate in signing all the paperwork.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He has no clue what was going on, and I think that’s what hurt the most.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>---------------------------------------------------------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah?” A drowsy Brendon asked as he woke up. He was ridiculously pale. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon!” I wrapped my arms around him. I was so glad he was still here. The doctors said he mightn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what happened?” He asked. He went to move his hand and found the restraints. “Did I have an e-episode?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded tearfully. “Not just an episode though.” I sniffled. “I’m glad you’re still here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad I’m still here too?” He answered, confused. “Is Dr Jo here?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Do you want her?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “Not particularly, I just want these stupid restraints off so we can cuddle.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly. “I’ll be back.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait…” He whispered. “D-do you have a sick bag?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and held it to his mouth and he emptied all of the bile out of his system. A little bit of colour returned to his face but he still definitely looked ill.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you Sarah.” He whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll get Dr Jo now, okay? She might want to talk to you. Just tell her what you remember.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded and I left the room. I found Dr Jo and led her into the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello Brendon.” He greeted stalely. Brendon smiled in return.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” He chirped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you so happy?” Dr Jo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “ECT?” He suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “You didn’t have any.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled slightly. “I don’t know then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well can we talk about what happened before?” She asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you tell me what happened?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “As far as I know, you had an anger fit, so Sarah went to get you some ADHD medication and while you were out you overdosed on emergency medication because you started having an episode.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “That explains a lot, thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So can we talk about it?” She pushed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know much of the event, I apologise.” Brendon stated unsurely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Alright. Some doctors are going to do some tests to see how you’re going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We both nodded before she left the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel sick again…” He mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I held a sick bag for him. “The overdose and the surgery has really sent you off balance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Surgery?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You had a block in your intestines. They had to unblock it.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded hesitantly. “If you say so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright, you’ll be fine. We just have to be careful so it doesn’t happen again.” I assured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What caused it?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a deep breath in. “The overdose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m really sorry Sarah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright Brendon. At least you’re okay now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A doctor came in with a clipboard. “We’re just going to conduct some basic memory tests.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Full name?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon Boyd Urie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor nodded. “Birthday?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“April 12th, 1987.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor smiled. “Age?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was getting hesitant now, hoping he wasn’t still in the mindset he was in during his episode.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“29?” He said unsurely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. Okay, what state are we in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“California.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, and your partner’s name?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah Urie, previously Sarah Orzechowski.” He answered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you Mr Urie. We’re done here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctors left and it was just Brendon and I once more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still feel horrible.” He mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” I brushed some of his hair back. “At least you aren’t going to have any medication for awhile, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged as much as he could with the restraints. “I don’t feel much emotionally at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gently stroked his hair again. “I promise it’ll come back soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope so. I feel so weird and empty.” He murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Does that make you feel anything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He considered for a moment. “A little bit…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “That’s good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I miss home.” He moped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be home soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tried to squirm out of the restraints. “Is it bad that this almost feels normal now?” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded slightly. “Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “It just happens so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry Bren.” I apologise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine Sarah.” He mumbled. “It’s not your fault.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still feel bad. Like there’s something more I could’ve done…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I doubt there was Sarah. I just always find a way to end up here.” He shrugged slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “At least you’ll be out soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess.” He answered. Dr Jo came back in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello once again.” She greeted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi….” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is everything going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just peachy.” He grumbled. “What do you think?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “I’m sorry that I’m supposed to ask these things. Considering you were fine before, this is quite a significant change.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“May I ask what caused this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Life, I guess.” He muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s remarkably vague.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, home, everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I can’t do much about that I’m afraid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sucks.” He grumbled as he forced against the restraints.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you take the restraints off at least?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She considered. “I’ll get permission. I’ll be back in a moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you then.” He muttered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo left and I went back to Brendon. “They’ll be off soon Bren, just hold on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “Doesn’t feel like soon enough.” He stated. He then mumbled something under his breath I didn’t catch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was that Bren?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing important.” He muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if it’s not important then you can tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, then it’s important, super important.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just tell me.” I sighed. “Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “You aren’t going to like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “I’m really craving a beer right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled and gently ruffled his hair. “You’re making mountains out of molehills again Bren. That’s not that bad of a thing to say. I’m actually a bit relieved that it’s all you said.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t going to let me have one though.” He huffed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Bren, you just had major surgery. No, you cannot have a beer. I’ll see if I can get one without alcohol in it, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Fine. It’s as close as I’m getting.” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to stay or should I go see if I can get one?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you go, please?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and planted a kiss on his forehead, before walking out the room in the search for some non-alcoholic beer.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0069"><h2>69. Chapter 67 - I’m Not Trying To Hurt You, I Just Love To Speak</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>***** Nicole’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“So this is what a proper christmas tree looks like…” I mumbled as I hung another ornament.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “Sure is. There are much grander ones though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are we hanging things on it?” Jaxon asked, seemingly baffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To make it look pretty.” Brendon explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But why? It’s pretty already!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just some fun. And it’s super pretty now, see?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “C-Can I h-hang one?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” Brendon handed him a plastic ornament and helped him over to the tree.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a bit of a struggle, he finally managed to hang it and looked at it with a proud smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know Jax,” Sarah smiled. “When Santa comes, he’ll leave all the presents under this tree.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” His eyes lit up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Yep. He comes on Christmas eve when all the boys and girls are sleeping and leaves his presents under the tree.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s so cool!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon smiled. “It is, isn’t it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When’s Christmas eve?” Jaxon asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“2 weeks bud.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He frowned. “That’s really far away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be here sooner than you think.” Sarah assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed and curled back up on the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll tell you what,” Sarah said. “Next time we go to the mall, we can go and see Santa. How does that sound?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I think we’re done here.” Brendon said, dusting some glitter off his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Looks good.” Sarah said, stepping back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded in agreement. “It’s pretty.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are we going to do now?” Brendon asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s make cookies!” Jaxon suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled. “Sounds good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What type of cookies?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Choc-chip?” Jaxon asked hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Sounds good.” I said, grabbing the ingredients from the pantry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be in the studio if you need me.” Brendon said, before leaving the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aww…” Jaxon whimpered. “Don’t leave…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can stay…” He murmured, picking Jaxon up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon smiled. “Thanks Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon carried Jaxon over to the bench and sat him down. Brendon jumped up onto the bench beside him and they kept each other entertained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah helped me make the batter. “Should we do christmas cookies?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Sure. Do you want to help us cut out the cookies Jax?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Yep!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon brought him over and gave him a star cookie cutter. “There you go bud.” He smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He seemed pretty happy as he cut out lots of star shapes over the cookie dough. Brendon make some in the shape of Santa hats.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s no more room.” Jaxon frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I peeled back the leftover dough and rolled it out again. “There you go bud.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a magician Nikki!” He stated, amazed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I laughed. “Just a baker Jax.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cut out more shapes until there weren’t enough scraps left to make any more. “Done!” He smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good job!” Sarah praised, putting the cookies in the oven.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon held his arms out to Brendon to be picked up. Brendon picked him up and snuggled with him. “What do you want to do now bud?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “You choose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to play, or watch TV, or….?” He suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I c-can’t really play so I-I guess we’ll watch TV.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright.” Brendon took him into the lounge and sat him on the couch. Jaxon sat in Brendon’s lap and played with his teddy bear while watching some cartoon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled at me. “They’re getting along well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I think Jax is happy to finally have a father figure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled. “Yep. He seems happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there anything else that needs to be done?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah shook her head. “We can just relax.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there washing or anything you need done?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed. “Just sit down and relax Nicole.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just want to help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But there’s nothing for you to help with. Just relax for a bit, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked into the bedroom and pulled out a random book before nestling into the sheets and starting to read.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was probably there for a while until a burning smell filled my nostrils.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I raced out the room to find Brendon in the kitchen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Far out.” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“IT’S BURNING! PULL IT OUT!” I exclaimed, opening the oven door and grabbing the tray without realising that I hadn’t covered my hand with anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I dropped the tray onto the ground and rushed over to the sink to put the burn under cold water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon turned the tap on. “Sarah!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bit my lip and forced myself to not cry. “I’m sorry. That was stupid.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah walked in. “That looks painful…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is.” I murmured, taking deep breaths to try to take my mind off of the pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think that’s second or third degree Sarah.” Brendon whispered. “I think we need to get her to the hospital.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, we’re going to get you to hospital, okay?” Sarah explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I-I’m fine. Don’t w-worry.” I told her, turning the tap off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It looks really bad. We’re just going to get it checked, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without the tap, the pain returned rather quickly and I did my best to hold back tears. “D-Don’t w-w-worry, i-it’s okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, we’re going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s just s-small. I’ll s-survive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t a choice.” Brendon said sternly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wanted to keep arguing so to not make them drive all the way to the hospital for me, but the pain was growing rather intense. “O-Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> Sarah sat in the back with me and Brendon drove us to the hospital. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We got about halfway there when I gasped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We left Jax at home!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told Gerard what happened. He’s going over to take care of him.” Sarah assured. “It’s fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sniffled. “O-Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We got to the hospital and zoomed through emergency. We were now just waiting for a doctor to come in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It a-actually r-really h-hurts…” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure it does.” Sarah whispered. A nurse then came in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got some painkillers for while you’re waiting, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Thanks.” I whispered, taking them and waiting for the effect.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A doctor finally came in. “Hi, sorry for making you wait. Can I see the burn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I reluctantly held my hand out. “I-I tried t-to pull b-burning cookies o-out of t-the oven and I f-forgot to cover my hand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Alright. We’ll start by draining the fluid out of these small blisters, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled my hand away. “T-That s-s-sound p-painful…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “Once the painkillers kick in you won’t feel it at all. All we do I poke a small hole and get all the fluid out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be okay Nicole. We’re here.” Sarah assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped. “Alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse returned with a small trolley. There were some bandages and some tools on it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it still hurting?” The doctor asked, putting on his gloves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I-It’s r-really s-sore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I’ve got some stronger painkillers here, okay?” He stated, picking up a needle. “I’m just going to inject it around the burn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bit my lip nervously, but nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He injected around the area for a few times and wiped away the small pools of blood that had formed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon looked like he was going to throw up and had to look away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s it Nicole. Good girl.” Sarah soothed, holding my good hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few tears escaped. “I-It doesn’t hurt a-as much now…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor smiled. “That’s good. I’m just going to drain this big one now, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and looked away as he did it. I kept taking deep breaths and it calmed me down slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And we’re all done! I’ll just dress it for you now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” I stammered. I couldn’t feel my hand anymore so I looked to make sure it was still there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wrapped my hand up in a few bandages, putting this weird spongy stuff over the burns. “Alright, you're done. Try not to wet the dressing. Come back in three days so we can check up on it and redress it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for all your help.” Sarah said to the doctor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. Hopefully you have a good rest of the day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked out of the hospital and back to the car. “I-I’m sorry for b-burning my hand…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. Don’t worry. At least it’s all good now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked at the dressing. “Yeah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it hurting at all?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“J-Just a little bit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can get you some painkillers when we get home.” Brendon promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Brendon.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We got home and Brendon gave me the medicine. I was feeling really drowsy so I wandered into the bedroom to lay down and ended up falling asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Kaitlyn’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-how’s Florence?” I asked Indigo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Florence is just having some time in solitary. She’ll be back soon.” Indigo explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, how are you finding the new treatment program so far?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Nathan’s cool, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “That’s good. How is the medication going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It makes me feel a bit ditzy…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you elaborate on that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It just feels like my brain is everywhere and I can’t really concentrate on anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She considered for a moment. “I’ll talk to pharmaceuticals.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about it. It’s fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She seemingly ignored me. “So other than that, how are you feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Sad, annoyed, frustrated.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you feeling those things?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sick of this place.” I sighed. “And it doesn’t seem like I’m leaving.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will eventually Kaitlyn, you just need to get better first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because clearly I’m not trying.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“These things take time Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Too much time.” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, but that is the way these things have to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there any way to make it faster?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I’m afraid not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sucks.” I mumbled, slumping into the chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. Well, moving on, do you have anything you wish to discuss?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you heard anything about Mom and Dad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“From what I hear, they’re both doing remarkably well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re coming in on Sunday to visit. Also, from what I’ve heard, Gerard, Lindsey and Bandit are coming too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Awesome.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s talk about your social life. So you’ve made friends with Dana, Phil and Florence, correct?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I believe so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. Any others?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, well, let’s see if we can extend that group?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because Dana and Phil are leaving soon, and Florence, well, Florence is probably going to be in solitary for a while.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s hard to t-talk to people…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll introduce you to some people tonight.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-they won’t w-want to talk t-to me…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course they will! Don’t look so worried Kaitlyn. I promise, they’re all lovely kids, and they’re going to love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no they w-wont!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes they will. Please calm down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry.” I whimpered lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, just take a deep breath.” Indigo said. “Now, let’s talk about the voices. Are they back?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I c-can’t really h-hear them r-right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s wonderful!” She exclaimed with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I g-guess so.” I sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong kiddo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing.” I wiped my eyes and forced a weak smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s something. Tell me what’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just homesickness.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we’re halfway through the week, and halfway to seeing your family.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I know. Waiting’s just hard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. But it’ll be here soon enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I just sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll your time’s almost up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “O-Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll see you later.” Indigo smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I waved her goodbye and walked out of the office back to the common area. I sat down next to Dana on the couch and mindlessly stared at the TV.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’d it go?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “There’s an hour before any activities start.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sucks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Sure does.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what do y-you want t-to d-do then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can go to a bedroom or stay here. That’s about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “You choose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let's go to my bedroom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “O-Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She led me the opposite way to my bedroom and opened the door to what I assumed to be hers. “Welcome.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The room was the same size as mine, but the bed was a bit bigger and the desk had shelves above it lined with books. She had decorated the walls with a bunch of posters. It looked cool.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is so much cooler than mine.” I looked around, almost in awe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged and sat down on the bed. “It’s okay, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down at her desk chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, there isn’t really much here.” She shrugged. “There’s probably more to do out there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s quieter than out there though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“True.” She acknowledged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed, leaning back on the chair. “Everyone’s forcing me to talk to other people now. First Nathan, now Indigo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Dana asked, a little confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because apparently you and Phil are leaving soon and Florence is going to be in solitary for awhile.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I leaving soon? Did they say that?” Dana asked excitedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Both of them did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She jumped up. “Woo!!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I forced a small smile to try to hide my jealousy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She fumbled through the contents of her desk before handing me a piece of paper and a pen. “You have to give me your number so we can catch up when we’re out of here!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um….okay? I’ll be awhile though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hugged me. “You’ll be out soon enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long have you been here anyway?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She considered for a moment. “Almost 6 weeks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “That’s ages.” I moped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t see me when I got here though. It was really bad.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At least you’re better, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Yep. You’ll get there soon, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t. There’s too much wrong with me.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “There’s a lot wrong with me too. Don’t worry, it’ll get easier. You just have to be patient.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m always patient! I’m always waiting! It doesn’t get better!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I felt the exact same way. It’ll work, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just feel like giving up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. But you can’t give up yet.” She said. “You need to keep going so you can get out of here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to my room.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana put a hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine.” I stated as I shook her hand off of me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure?” She asked, sounding a little worried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess so.” I shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Activities should be starting soon, let’s just head out there, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “You can go, I’m going to my room.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grabbed my hand. “Come on Kaitlyn. These activities are compulsory.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell Indigo I’m in a bad mood.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “Come on. She’s not going to accept that excuse and you know it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going! It’s not that hard to understand Dana!” I stormed out of the room towards my own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She chased me. “Kaitlyn! Calm down! I’m just trying to help you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“GO AWAY!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I could see she was getting frustrated. “Just damn listen to me Kaitlyn! Come out and do the freaking activities!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“HOW ABOUT YOU GO DO THEM AND STOP GETTING YOUR NOSE INTO MY BUSINESS!?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She huffed in frustration, and without any warning, turned and punched a hole in the wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I cowered away from her, afraid she was going to hurt me next.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gasped and looked at her hand, before turning and running into her room, slamming the door behind her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god. What have I done!?” I started panicking and found myself pacing the corridor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo approached me. “What’s up kiddo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I m-m-made Dana r-really mad!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She noticed the hole in the wall and gasped. “O-Okay, I’ll go see her, you just go out to the activities okay? I’ll be out soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ran into the activities area and curled up in a corner. I wasn’t ready to talk, in fact, I could even bring myself to muster a single word. I sat in the corner and cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn?” I heard Nathan ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“G-go away.” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head and sat down next to me. “What’s up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I m-m-made D-Dana really m-mad and she p-punched a hole in the w-wall a-and- and….I’m s-so stupid!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh… It’s okay. What Dana does when she’s mad is not your fault.” He assured. “How did you make her mad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I was in a b-bad mood so I w-was going to g-go to m-my room and she w-w-was just trying to get m-me to g-go to activities.” I sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, Kaitlyn, Dana has some anger issues. It’s not your fault.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-my stupid stubbornness s-sent her off the edge!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, It’s not your fault. I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wrapped my arms around my knees. “I n-need a hug.” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wrapped his arms around me in a hug. “Does that help?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded slightly. “A l-little bit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled. “That’s good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana and Indigo emerged a few seconds later. Dana looked like she’d been crying, and Indigo sent her to sit down at one of the tables so they could start.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I d-d-don’t know i-if I c-can d-do activities l-like this.” I sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah you can. Tonight’s is really easy, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what is i-it?” I asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go join the rest of the group, you’ll find out in a moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I c-can’t.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes you can kiddo.” Indigo said as she approached.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I c-can’t. I-I’m going to m-mess up!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, just go sit up there, and if you don’t want to do it, you don’t have to, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gulped before I sat up at the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A doctor I hadn’t met before walked up to the microphone. “Well, tonight’s activity is something we haven’t tried before in here, but we’re going to do some painting!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few people cheered, some people groaned. I just sat in complete silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, everybody gets a fresh canvas, and we’ve got a few people who are experienced painters to walk around and help you out. So, come grab a canvas and some paints, and an art smock, and we’ll get started.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down and waiting while the initial flock of people raced up. I was still contemplating whether or not to participate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana turned to me. “I-I’m s-so s-sorry K-Kaitlyn…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s okay…” I murmured shakily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sh-Should we go g-get some stuff?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you can.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ll bring y-you some.” She said, getting up and going to the supply table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was still contemplating what to paint, or whether or not to paint even. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana handed me the pile of stuff as Phil sat down on the other side of me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This sucks.” He groaned. “I have absolutely zero artistic skill at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Neither do I.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana shook her head. “You’re like, an artistic genius Kaitlyn. I’ve seen your drawings, you’re absolutely amazing!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I blushed slightly. “I’m not sure about that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am.” She smiled slightly. “I’m totally sure about that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” I replied. “I don’t know what to paint.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “You should paint Brendon or one of your family members, then you’ll have a Christmas present to give them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe.” I stated, picking up the pencil.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to paint a duck because why the hell not?” Phil stated, lifting his own pencil.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-can someone tell me what c-colours these are?” I asked sheepishly. “I can only distinguish a f-few of them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm?” Phil asked, a little confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m partially colourblind. I can’t s-see blue sort of c-colours well…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Well, this is blue here, and this is yellow, and this one is red.” Dana pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I made a light mark with a pen, putting a R, Y, and B under the respective colours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil frowned at his duck. “It looks deformed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t look that bad. Can I make a slight adjustment?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Anything to make it look actually normal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Phil, you do realise all you need to do is add some comment about how it represents death or society in some way, and then all of a sudden it’s deep and meaningful art?” Dana suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just a duck!” He stated. “I just wanted a duck!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laughed. “I know, but then it could be something more. Duck plus meaning!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled slightly as I rounded out a few lines. I handed it back to him. “Is that any better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woah.” He breathed. “You ARE an artistic genius!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…..ah….I don’t know if I’m a genius….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I went back to drawing my picture and I was getting frustrated because I couldn’t get Opal’s face markings to look right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana looked over and giggled. “Cute puppies.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah...I can’t get Opal’s face to look right. I might ask Indigo to see if she can help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo heard her name and walked over. “What’s up kiddo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know how I can make Opal’s face markings look more accurate?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at my sketch and lifted my pencil. She quickly did some lines before handing it back. “Is that better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, thanks.” I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My duck still looks demented.” Phil groaned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It looks fine.” Dana assured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started painting and I was super hesitant because I didn’t want to mess up. Every so often I had to ask Dana if it looked okay, since I felt I couldn’t give myself a truthful evaluation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It looks great!” She’d always assure. “It really does!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got to the tiny bit of sky in the drawing. This was the part I was dreading most.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I explained my troubles to Phil, who just shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just paint it blue, and move on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But if it’s just one shade of blue it won’t be impactful and I can’t even see it so I could mess up completely and make it too dark or too light.” I started panicking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just ask Indigo to do it then.” He shrugged. “I’m no painter, I don’t know how to help sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think she’ll mind?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “She’s painting things for heaps of people.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Indigo?” I called quietly as she came past.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked over. “Wow Kaitlyn! This is looking amazing!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thanks. I-I was actually w-wondering if y-you’d h-help me p-paint the sky b-because of the thing, you know?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Of course. No problem.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” I smiled slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled a chair up and mixed some paint together, and started painting the sky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry for making you do this. I just didn’t want to mess it up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine kiddo. I love painting the sky, actually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How would you describe the sky?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She thought about it for a minute. “Well, I’d say it’s just like anything else I suppose, but it can be the most beautiful shade of blue. It’s especially pretty when the sun is setting or rising and there is pinks and oranges mixed in between. It seems almost an empty blue though, but sort of a limitless empty, full of opportunity. Then the clouds are such a contrast to the sky, it’s like when you start mixing two very different paint colours and there are still blobs of both swishing around. It’s truly quite fascinating.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s certainly a fancy way to put it.” Phil mumbled. “I just say blue.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She chuckled. “Well considering it’s hard to describe blue, it’s easier to describe it in an artistic sense and how it interacts with other colours to get a better understanding.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What else can you describe?” Dana asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want me to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “The way you describe things is sort of mesmerizing. Describe something else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm... Maybe, the ocean?” She suggested. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Dana said, resting her head in her hand to listen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s sort of cool, like cold, almost. It could be a very sunny day but the ocean still stands, swaying, almost as if it’s gloomy and waiting for a friend. It sort of lingers around. Small white waves are almost like tears. There could be many or none at all, whereas surfing height waves are sobs, pleas for help, a final desperate grab. The glimmering of the water distracts from all of this and shows significantly beauty, almost resembling hope. It’s quite an interesting thing to contemplate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow.” Dana breathed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think that’s done.” Indigo said, putting the paintbrush down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woah.” I smiled. “Thank you so much!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright kiddo. It’s looking awesome.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is because of you. Thanks for all your help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “That’s nice but you did most of it. Do you miss Opal and Ollie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Yeah, I really do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They are very cute. I’m sure they miss you too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure you’ll get to see them soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope so.” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you two going?” Indigo asked, looking over what Dana and Phil had done.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My duck looks like it’s just escaped from an experimentation facility or a nuclear power plant or something.” Phil frowned. “I mean, I thought green eyes would look cool, but it looks radioactive!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe it’s some new comic book character. Radioactive Duck!” Indigo suggested,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana laughed. “That’s hilarious!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil frowned. “I just wanted it to look like a duck!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I think it looks awesome, regardless.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gave a half smile. “Thanks, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you going Dana?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I sort of went with abstract painting, and I think it’s coming along okay.” She shrugged. “I’m painting lines randomly and I think the colours look okay with each other, so I don’t mind it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s really cool.” She smiled. “I wouldn’t have ever thought to do something like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eh. I just didn’t want to fail, so I just went with something easy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Do you guys need anything else while I’m here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil shook his head. “Nope. I think we’re good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. I‘ll see you guys later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She walked away and I went back to my painting. “Do you guys think it looks okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana nodded. “It looks amazing!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you being totally honest?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “It looks awesome!”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Phil?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It looks amazing. Like it’s a photo or something.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly. “T-Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Those of you who are finished may pack up.” The doctor stated over the microphone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I washed up the brushes and paints and took off my art smock, before putting my canvas over on the spot where they wanted us to put them. I was a little intimidated by some of the other paintings, they all seemed so much more original and meaningful than my own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned slightly and sat back down in my seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once everybody had finished and sat back down, Indigo came up to the microphone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, there is a little something extra we didn’t tell you guys about these paintings.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started to get nervous. What I’d painted could be completely off topic and pointless or could be shown to someone who would hate it. I curled up slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who here thinks the walls around this place are sort of boring?” Indigo asked everybody.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Some people hesitantly put their hands up, others just talked to the people beside them. I however, sat and watched everyone else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, these paintings are going on the walls around here to decorate the walls!” She said excitedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started picking out every single mistake I’d made and felt like I was about to start hyperventilating. I took a few deep breaths.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And we have something else.” Nathan said, holding up 3 big bars of chocolate. “We have selected some winners.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I thought back to the paintings I saw and picked out the three best from what I had remembered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn, I should’ve painted more than a duck. I didn’t know chocolate was involved!” Phil whispered to Dana and I. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your duck was still better than mine.” I breathed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take that back Kaitlyn, yours was a freaking masterpiece!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Did you see the others over there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Third place is Eliza!” Nathan called out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everybody applauded awkwardly as Eliza walked up to collect her chocolate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Second is Dana!” He called next. Phil cheered as she went up and her cheeks flushed red with embarrassment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And finally, our first place winner with the winning painting of the night, is… Kaitlyn!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hesitantly pulled myself out of my chair and tried to ignore my shaking as I went up. I honestly felt like I was going to pass out. I felt every single pair of eyes on me and it was excruciating. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo smiled as she handed me the block of chocolate. “Well done kiddo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave a weak, shaky smile before I ran back to my seat to calm myself down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana took my hand when she noticed I was shaking. “Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ll be fine…” I tried to assure. “I think…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, well, it’s almost bedtime so just go get ready for bed!” Nathan said, before getting down from the microphone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“G-great…” I sighed as I felt the shaking got worse. I kept taking deep breaths helping me to feel in control.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil gently patted my back. “You’re okay Kaitlyn. You’re okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know…” I stammered as my breathing got more laboured. I tried desperately to get it to as normal as I could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything okay over here guys?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I…” I tried to say before giving up and resting my head on the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dana, Phil, head to bed you two. I’ll help her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They nodded and left the room. “I-I’m sorry…” I whimpered lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. I told them that they shouldn’t present to you in front of everybody, but they didn’t listen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m just stupid. Th-they shouldn’t have t-to worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, it’s okay. Let’s go to your room, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and pulled myself up. “A-at least I d-didn’t trip g-going up there?” I stated nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo nodded. “You did a good job.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I d-don’t even know why i-it freaks me o-out so much…” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll talk about that tomorrow in therapy.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “O-okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She opened the door to my room and I curled up on the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t e-even w-want the c-chocolate…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can put it in a fridge and you can save it for Brendon if you want. I know he likes chocolate.” She suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay.” I sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “You technically should be having your medicine.” She stated. “How are you feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-Awful.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to get your medicine?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded tearfully before burying my face in my knees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be right back, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She left the room, only for a short while before returning with the medication. “There you go. I got you some more water in case you wanted a drink to help you calm down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Thanks.” I whispered, taking the medication and drinking the water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright kiddo. Just making sure you can get better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I f-feel a b-bit better…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. Luckily there’s nothing else to do and you can just lay down in here where it's nice and quiet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Y-yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to stay in here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and climbed into bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Are you nice and warm?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Y-Yep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sleep tight.” She whispered, tucking me in properly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly as I closed my eyes and drifted off.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Chapter 68- You’re Gonna Let It Eat You Away</b>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Sarah’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so why exactly didn’t you step into stop her?” I asked Brendon, still not understanding his side of the story.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know!” He exclaimed. “It a-all happened so fast!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> I sighed. “Alright. It’s fine.” I convinced myself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard a door open and turned around to see Nicole. “Hey guys.” She murmured.  She went to rub her eyes and found the bandages. “Okay, ow. That kinda hurt.” She mumbled. “So what the hell happened to this?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I blinked. “Don’t you remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really, no?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You burned your hand trying to pull the cookies out of the oven while they were burning.” I explained slowly. “We had to go to the hospital and get it dressed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was it really that bad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon nodded. “Third degree.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shivered. “I don’t really want to imagine how that looked.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t very pretty.” Brendon mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I'm sorry, I guess?” She apologised awkwardly. “All I know is that it hurts.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t apologise. It’s okay. Do you want some more painkillers?” I offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I handed her the pills and a bottle of water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Speaking of that, Brendon, you need to take your medication too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He frowned. “B-But…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No buts.” I said as I handed him his cocktail of pills. “Take them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stupid PTSD.” He muttered before taking the pills. “Stupid crash. Stupid car. Stupid everything!” He snapped, slamming the water bottle on the table and getting up from his seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, calm down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No , Sarah, just-” He sighed. “I don’t know.” He walked out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I followed him out to the studio. “What’s going on Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“GO AWAY SARAH!” He shouted, throwing a book at me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, calm down. You’re going to hurt someone.” I said gently. He threw a tissue box next.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“GET OUT!” He yelled. “AND DON’T COME BACK IN!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon!” I was crying now. “P-please, calm down!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get out Sarah!” He instructed, clenching his fists.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re scaring me Brendon.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then leave!” He punched the desk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, what’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I DON’T KNOW SARAH!” He slammed his hands on the table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave him his medication and a water bottle. I closed the door and heard something hit it, in fact, a small section of the wood was now sticking out after being broken. “Brendon, please. Come out here and talk.” I begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another piece of wood started to stick out. “Ow.” He whimpered and I heard him breath out heavily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard him slump against the door and start crying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It h-hurts Sarah…” He cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you open the door Brendon?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door opened slightly and Brendon was sitting there, holding his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I look at it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He held his hand out and looked away. I was gentle with it, seeing the open wounds in it. There were a few splinters also, so I tried to not touch around it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We need to clean this, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded weakly and I led him into the bathroom. I had to pull the small bits of wood out of it and he whimpered every time I touched the area slightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“3…...2…..1.” I counted down before pulling the largest piece out. Brendon was in tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave him a light kiss. “It’ll feel so much better once I’m done.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It hurts s-so much!” He cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. Let's get this dressed and cleaned and then I’ll give you some medication okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “I-I don't know w-what happened.”  He whimpered. I dabbed the blood away with a wet cloth. Brendon didn’t seem to like that much and kept pulling his hand away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright. We’ll talk when you’re a bit more calm.” I stated, wrapping the bandage around. He flinched and my hand hit the wounds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ow! Sarah!” He cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry Bren.” I apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It stings…” He whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. It’ll hurt for a little bit. Hopefully it’ll start to feel better soon.” I soothed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Do you think I-I can c-call Dr J-Jo?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “If you want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Do you think I sh-should?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Why do you want to call her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just want to kn-know what’s h-happening. Sh-she’ll probably just g-give me more m-medication.” He moped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you feel like you need to Brendon, sure.” I answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I led Brendon out to the lounge and handed him the wide variety his pills while I got some water. He was searching through all the medication before he ran his hand through his hair. “It’s not here.” He stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s not there Bren?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-the stuff f-for my ADHD.” He stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Okay, I’ll go out and get some, okay? You stay here and calm down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Do you think I-I ever h-hit th-them?” He asked, tears forming. “D-Do you think th-they hated me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled him into a hug. “I doubt they hated you Brendon. Your were his best friend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took a deep breath in. “C-Can you go g-get the stuff s-so I don’t d-do that again?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and placed a kiss on his forehead. “I’ll be back soon Bren. Sit tight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I drove to the pharmacy and as I was parking, Brendon started calling me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong Bren?” I answered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ve screwed up S-Sarah. Oh god. I-I’ve screwed up bad!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, what happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I did it again!” He cried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’d you do?” I asked, becoming more panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-the emergency pills w-weren’t working s-so I took m-more and more and n-now there’s n-none left!” He sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When I left, there were at least 20 left. And they’re strong too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, Brendon, I’m going to call an ambulance, okay? Go find Nicole and tell her what happened. I’ll be with you as soon as I can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hung up the phone, called an ambulance to the house and started driving home, most definitely speeding. A police car pulled me over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ma’am, you do realise you were going 20 over the speed limit?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started panicking. “I’m sorry, it’s just my husband just overdosed on his medication and he really needs help!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to write you a ticket.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Just make it quick, please.” I begged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded and quickly wrote out a ticket before giving it to me. “Thank you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded once again and I started driving back home, decreasing my speed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When I got home the ambulance was already there and loading Brendon onto a stretcher. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry Sarah!” He sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got into the back of the ambulance with him, well and truly knowing the drill by now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright. We’ll sort it out.” I assured. “But why’d you take the emergency pills? It wasn’t the PTSD babe, that’s why I was going out, remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I started th-thinking about D-Damien and L-Lydia and the c-crash and it f-felt like everything I s-saw was triggering m-” He looked around the ambulance and started hyperventilating. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took his hand. “Breathe Brendon. We’re just going to the hospital, it’s alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-are they okay?” He whimpered to one of the paramedics.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are who okay?” One asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Damien, L-Lydia, Kaitlyn, a-are they okay?” He asked again. I tightened my grip on his hand, not having the willpower to tell him what happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who are they?” The paramedic asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-they were i-in the crash! Are th-they okay?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The paramedic shrugged. “Maybe you’ll see them once you’re feeling a bit better.” He assured. “They might be here if they were in a crash.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon sighed in relief. “O-okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears were running down my face and I couldn’t begin to fathom how I’d be able to tell him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We reached the hospital and the paramedics lifted him out of the back and took him into the hospital. They transported him into an emergency room and got him hooked up to an IV which freaked him out to no extent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I want to see my friends!” He cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Bren, your friend died over a decade ago…” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No they didn’t! I was just with them!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a deep breath and walked out of the room, taking this opportunity to call Dr Jo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah?” She answered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, um….Are you busy right now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am in the middle of a session, but it depends. What’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just-” I started. “When are you going to be done?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“10 minutes or so.” She said. “Would you like me to call you back?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please.” I stated simply. I just hoped that he didn’t get worse in that time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong Sarah?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything. Basically anything that could go wrong has.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon got mad and started throwing things at me, then he punched a hole in the door and then he ran out of ADHD medication so I had to go get some and then while I was out he overdosed on his emergency medication and now he’s having an episode in the hospital.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh dear…” She breathed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So just….call as soon as you can?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. Stay strong Sarah, I’ll be there soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” I stated before hanging up the phone. I went back to Brendon and he was still begging to see his friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I n-need to s-see t-that they’re o-okay!” He pleaded. “P-Please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can see them once you’re better Brendon.”  I assured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He forced against some restraints that had been placed on the bed. “I-I need t-to s-see them n-n-now!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t Brendon, I’m sorry.” I apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His face twisted up. “I think I’m going to be sick.” I muttered. I grabbed a sick bag and held it to his mouth as he vomited into it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. Get it all out Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He finished throwing up and groaned, before returning back to his cries for his friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I n-need to s-see Damien! I-I n-need to s-see h-him!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t Brendon!” I cried. “I wish you could but you physically can’t!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I c-can! I-I’m fine!” He wailed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, he’s dead! You can’t see him!” I sobbed. “And you aren’t fine Brendon. You're not fine at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I am!” He cried,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t Brendon and I hate to say this, but you haven’t been for a long time…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-Please l-let me s-see them!” He cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t see them Brendon, I’m sorry.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-Why?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because they aren’t here Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can t-they can c-come in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head, then Dr Jo came in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lydia!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Brendon. I am Dr Joanne Yolanda, your psychologist.” She stated, almost as if this had happened before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t have a psychologist….?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you do. And that’s me.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When did this happen?” He asked, very confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Almost 7 years ago. I’ve been your psychologist for a really long time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“7 years? Wasn’t I in school then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you are 29 years of age.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? No, I’m not!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I handed him his driver’s licence. “Yes you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? No! But the band just started, we were getting ready for a tour! We were at the end of school! I’m not 29!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed. “Sarah, I think Brendon needs a nap.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Alright…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-What?” Brendon asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright Brendon, calm down.” I tried to soothe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t!” He wailed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes you can Brendon, it’s alright. You’re fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo walked over with a syringe. “We’re just going to let you have a good long sleep, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“GET THAT AWAY FROM ME!” He yelled, curling away from Dr Jo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo didn’t seem affected and poked the needle into his neck. “Don’t worry Brendon, you’ll wake up feeling much, much better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ow…” He whimpered before falling asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gently stroked his hair. “Why does this keep happening Jo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Nothing ever seems to work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just need to find some sort of miracle cure. It kills me to see him like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, it’s horrible. I wish I could do more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So do I.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what exactly happened to bring him to this point?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn tipped him off, and then he sort of fell into a downward spiral.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’d Kaitlyn do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She connected the dots and has sort of figured out that Brendon was in the crash that killed Damien and Lydia.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right….” She murmured. “I can see how that’d send him to this, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He wasn’t sleeping, he would hide in the studio and lock the door so nobody else could get in...it was bad.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It sounds like it…” She murmured. “I’m going to talk to some people in the psych ward. I’ll be back soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>****Kaitlyn’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey kiddo.” Indigo smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi.” I muttered, still aggravated by this morning’s events.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I don’t know. My only friends here are gone!” I snapped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, hey, I know it sucks but you knew it was going to happen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t think it’d be so soon…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. Well let’s talk about last night.”  She instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Can we just talk about Mom and Dad?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took a deep breath in. “It’s probably best we don’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not? Are they okay?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah’s fine?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened to Brendon?!” I asked, becoming panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He, he had an anger fit and punched a hole through a door, then he overdosed on medication so he was taken to the hospital where he had an episode and now he’s sedated.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is he okay?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know….”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>****Sarah’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um….Sarah?” I heard Joanne ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm?” I turned away from Brendon. She seemed kind of nervous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um...Well, we need to talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My face fell. “Go on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Since Brendon, well, overdosed, the doctors are concerned there may be some potentially detrimental effects on Brendon’s vital organs. Obviously, we had the incident where he was showing irregular heartbeat but they want to carry out testing to ensure he’ll be alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They think he should be fine, they were just concerned he may slip into a coma, so they’re carrying out tests.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. The tests went over hours. They took his heart rate, they took blood samples, scans and the final straw, they took him in for surgery. His body had been having so much difficulty fighting all the medication that it stopped functioning in a normal way, causing multiple blocks in his intestines. Everything was beginning to build up and they were concerned there could be a rupture, so I didn’t hesitate in signing all the paperwork.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He has no clue what was going on, and I think that’s what hurt the most.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>---------------------------------------------------------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Sarah?” A drowsy Brendon asked as he woke up. He was ridiculously pale. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon!” I wrapped my arms around him. I was so glad he was still here. The doctors said he mightn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what happened?” He asked. He went to move his hand and found the restraints. “Did I have an e-episode?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded tearfully. “Not just an episode though.” I sniffled. “I’m glad you’re still here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad I’m still here too?” He answered, confused. “Is Dr Jo here?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Do you want her?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “Not particularly, I just want these stupid restraints off so we can cuddle.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly. “I’ll be back.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait…” He whispered. “D-do you have a sick bag?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and held it to his mouth and he emptied all of the bile out of his system. A little bit of colour returned to his face but he still definitely looked ill.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you Sarah.” He whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll get Dr Jo now, okay? She might want to talk to you. Just tell her what you remember.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded and I left the room. I found Dr Jo and led her into the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello Brendon.” He greeted stalely. Brendon smiled in return.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” He chirped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you so happy?” Dr Jo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “ECT?” He suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “You didn’t have any.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled slightly. “I don’t know then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well can we talk about what happened before?” She asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you tell me what happened?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “As far as I know, you had an anger fit, so Sarah went to get you some ADHD medication and while you were out you overdosed on emergency medication because you started having an episode.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “That explains a lot, thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So can we talk about it?” She pushed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know much of the event, I apologise.” Brendon stated unsurely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Alright. Some doctors are going to do some tests to see how you’re going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We both nodded before she left the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel sick again…” He mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I held a sick bag for him. “The overdose and the surgery has really sent you off balance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Surgery?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You had a block in your intestines. They had to unblock it.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded hesitantly. “If you say so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright, you’ll be fine. We just have to be careful so it doesn’t happen again.” I assured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What caused it?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a deep breath in. “The overdose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m really sorry Sarah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright Brendon. At least you’re okay now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A doctor came in with a clipboard. “We’re just going to conduct some basic memory tests.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Full name?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon Boyd Urie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor nodded. “Birthday?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“April 12th, 1987.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor smiled. “Age?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was getting hesitant now, hoping he wasn’t still in the mindset he was in during his episode.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“29?” He said unsurely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. Okay, what state are we in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“California.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, and your partner’s name?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah Urie, previously Sarah Orzechowski.” He answered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you Mr Urie. We’re done here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctors left and it was just Brendon and I once more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still feel horrible.” He mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” I brushed some of his hair back. “At least you aren’t going to have any medication for awhile, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged as much as he could with the restraints. “I don’t feel much emotionally at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gently stroked his hair again. “I promise it’ll come back soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope so. I feel so weird and empty.” He murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Does that make you feel anything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He considered for a moment. “A little bit…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “That’s good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I miss home.” He moped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be home soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tried to squirm out of the restraints. “Is it bad that this almost feels normal now?” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded slightly. “Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “It just happens so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry Bren.” I apologise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine Sarah.” He mumbled. “It’s not your fault.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still feel bad. Like there’s something more I could’ve done…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I doubt there was Sarah. I just always find a way to end up here.” He shrugged slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “At least you’ll be out soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess.” He answered. Dr Jo came back in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello once again.” She greeted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi….” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is everything going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just peachy.” He grumbled. “What do you think?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “I’m sorry that I’m supposed to ask these things. Considering you were fine before, this is quite a significant change.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“May I ask what caused this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Life, I guess.” He muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s remarkably vague.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, home, everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I can’t do much about that I’m afraid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sucks.” He grumbled as he forced against the restraints.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you take the restraints off at least?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She considered. “I’ll get permission. I’ll be back in a moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you then.” He muttered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo left and I went back to Brendon. “They’ll be off soon Bren, just hold on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “Doesn’t feel like soon enough.” He stated. He then mumbled something under his breath I didn’t catch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was that Bren?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing important.” He muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if it’s not important then you can tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, then it’s important, super important.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just tell me.” I sighed. “Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “You aren’t going to like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “I’m really craving a beer right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled and gently ruffled his hair. “You’re making mountains out of molehills again Bren. That’s not that bad of a thing to say. I’m actually a bit relieved that it’s all you said.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t going to let me have one though.” He huffed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Bren, you just had major surgery. No, you cannot have a beer. I’ll see if I can get one without alcohol in it, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Fine. It’s as close as I’m getting.” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to stay or should I go see if I can get one?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you go, please?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and planted a kiss on his forehead, before walking out the room in the search for some non-alcoholic beer.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0070"><h2>70. Chapter 69 - Saviour</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>***** Kaitlyn’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Florence! You’re back!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She jumped away slightly, a bit startled by my enthusiasm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um...yeah?” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How was solitary?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked down at her feet. “T-The problem was….I sort of liked it…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’d you like it? Was it peaceful?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I have s-social anxiety. B-Being in a r-room w-where I can j-just s-sit and n-not talk to anyone is s-sort of heaven. I-It’s worse b-being out w-with everyone e-else.” She admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I see how you could enjoy it then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked around at everyone else. “C-Can we g-go to a b-bedroom? I d-don’t like it o-out here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Mine or yours?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I-I don’t m-mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go to mine.” I led her into my room and let her sit on the bed while I sat on the desk chair. “Better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded as she pulled her knees up to her chest. “Y-Yeah. Thanks…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine.” I smiled slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Did I miss m-much?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Not really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay.” She whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I like i-it here.” She shrugged. “I-It’s n-nice and q-quiet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “That’s fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She just nodded silently and stared up and down my walls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you looking at?” I asked,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “The w-wall.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Alright….I have individual therapy soon. Do you know when yours is?” I asked. “Or have you had it already?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ve had it.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awesome. You can stay here if you want when I leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I-I’m n-not allowed t-to be b-by myself a-anymore.” She whispered. “I d-don’t w-want to t-though, i-it s-scares me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Where are you going to be?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-Hiding i-in the c-corner of t-the c-common r-room, hoping t-that nobody s-speaks to m-me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Alright, just, just don’t hurt yourself, alright?” I whispered. “Physically or mentally, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “I-I just f-found out t-that m-my f-family is i-in France a-and won’t b-be b-back to v-visit until n-next year.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sucks. Maybe I can introduce you to my family. Only if you are comfortable, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I could see she was growing nervous. “I-I d-don’t know…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, you don’t have to.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “O-Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I have to go, and probably won’t be back for awhile. I’ve got back to back appointments.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She started shaking, although she tried to hide it. “O-Okay, y-you should p-probably g-go then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright?” I asked, my mind forgetting all of my commitments.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I, um, y-yeah.” She whispered, getting up and making her way to the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked to therapy and tried to forget about it so I wouldn’t be distracted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo welcomed me inside and poured me some water. “Come sit down, it’s good to see you Kiddo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um...yeah…” I sat down on the couch silently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up?” She asked as she sat down in her own seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “Just worrying about Florence again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She started to look concerned. “What’s happened with Florence? She’s only been out of solitary for half an hour.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I told her I had to leave to come here she started shaking. She was trying to convince me she was fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did she go out to the common room?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I believe so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, there are staff out there to make sure she’s okay. Don’t worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright.” I mumbled. “Anyway, what do you want to talk about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s talk about the medication. How are you feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Alright, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have there been any moments where you’ve felt a bit sick or unwell?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It has gotten seemingly harder to keep food down now that I’m taking it but that’s probably just me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wrote something down. “Anything else? Any headaches?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Headaches sometimes but that’s about it.” I answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “We’re still trying to get your dosage just right, so you’ll have to hang on until we find the perfect one. Are you still having trouble focusing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little bit…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll talk to pharmaceuticals. Now, how are the voices? Are you still hearing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I’m not. I assume that makes you happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “It does.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s good you’re happy, I suppose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does it not make you happy too?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just a bit lonely without them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But why would you miss them when they say such horrible things to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, I don’t have a way to prevent them from saying bad things. I can only give you medication to get rid of them altogether.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know…” I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what are we going to do with you?” She mumbled as she flicked through some notes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just ignore what I say.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, Brendon isn’t going to be here on Sunday, unfortunately.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “Then no one else should, really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you say that? You haven’t seen anyone in almost 2 weeks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They all have better things to do. Sarah has her other kids, Gerard has his work, Lindsey has Bandit and Bandit’s well, Bandit’s Bandit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “They all love and care about you Kaitlyn, and they all want to see you. Don’t you want to see them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I just don’t want to take away from their lives more than normal. And I suppose I miss Brendon the most.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon overdosed on some medication and is in the hospital. He wants to be here, but he physically can’t. I’m sorry that this is the way that it’s worked out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’d he even do it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know Kaitlyn. You’ll have to ask Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I curled up. “I just really want to see him…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I’m sorry you can’t. It’s just an unfortunate chain of events.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I call him or anything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “No, sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is stupid!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Calm down Kaitlyn.” She whispered. “Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s my family!” I cried. “Why do you want me away from him so much!?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t Kaitlyn! Having him here would be extremely beneficial to you but he physically can’t be here! I’m sorry!” She snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I w-want to b-be back i-in hospital.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Because-” I started saying before bursting into tears. “Th-the people there a-a-re nicer th-than the people h-here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed as she put her notebook down on the coffee table. “Kaitlyn….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry…” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door burst open suddenly and Nathan rushed in. “We need you in the common room. Urgently.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned and moved to the end of the couch so it’d be easier for Indigo to leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it? I’m kind of busy.” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just go. I’m insignificant. Go do what you have to.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, Florence is screaming bloody murder and we really need you.” Nathan explained. “Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “I’ll be back soon kiddo. Unless you want to come, she probably trusts you most out of everyone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to mess up. You go. I’ll stay here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, let’s go.” She said, taking my hand and practically dragging me off the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, you know I’ll screw it up. I’m a pain. It’s truly better if I’m here.” I tried to convince.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We need you Kaitlyn. Even if you screw up, it’ll be better than nothing.” Nathan told me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I begrudgingly got up and followed them into the common room. I immediately saw what Nathan was talking about, or heard, I suppose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Florence, kiddo, it’s me. It’s Indigo.” Indigo said, running forward and pushing the crowd of staring onlookers back. “Flo, you need to listen to me, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“G-go away!” She stammered, scared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not leaving Flo. We need to help you, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She burst into tears. “I-I can’t be helped!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, yes you can. Let’s just see if we can calm down, okay? Then you won’t have to go back to solitary.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please!” She cried. “P-Please s-send me back to s-solitary!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She actually likes solitary?” I heard someone ask from behind me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan turned around. “Can you guys all go wait in the dining hall until we get this situation sorted out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were a few unsatisfied mopes and I was sure I heard booing before everyone left the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should I go with them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan shook his head. “We might need you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“DON’T COME CLOSER!” Florence shrieked as Indigo took a step forward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her screams honestly terrified me and for some reason gave me some weird deja vu.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Flo, we’re just going to go to a bedroom now, okay? Just me and you and Nathan and Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thats a l-lot of people…” She whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Flo. Do you want to go to your room or do you want to go to Kaitlyn’s room?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“K-Kaitlyn’s room. I-It’s f-far away from the d-dining hall.” She whispered. “A-And the pictures i-in there are nice…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo held her hand out. “Let’s go then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Florence shakily got up though didn’t hold Indigo’s hand. She slowly drifted away from Indigo, probably so she wasn’t so close but she’d never stray too far.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked down the hall to my room and Florence curled up in the far corner of the bed. I nervously sat on the chair, scared to say anything in case I upset her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan came over to me. “Do you know how to draw a dolphin?” He whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I g-guess?” I replied nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have any paper?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I reluctantly pulled my sketchbook open to a blank page. “Y-Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any chance you could draw one quickly? I want to try something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and started sketching an outline as Indigo tried talking to Florence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you feeling better in here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-A little b-bit…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. Do you want some water?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I-I’ll be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why were you freaking out in the common room?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-People k-kept trying to t-talk to me...Th-they were getting r-really close and I-I was scared…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why were you scared of them? I told you, they only want to talk to you and be your friend.””</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I thought they’d be mean and hate me and when they c-came c-close I thought they’d h-hurt me…” She whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “Did you take your medication this morning?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked down and glumly shook her head. “I-I’m sorry…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Flo, kiddo, you need to take it or else things like this happen!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry!” She cried. “I-It just tastes so b-bad and m-makes me feel horrible!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo stood up and ran a hand through her hair in frustration. “Jesus Florence.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry…” She stammered, her shaking getting worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “I’m sorry for snapping. Just take a deep breath, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took a deep breath in and out and her shaking wasn’t as bad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll get you a new prescription, one that’s not as bad.” Nathan promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Th-thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God kiddo. I wish your family was here.” Indigo sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I finished…” I whispered, tearing the page out of my sketchbook.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks so much Kaitlyn. I really owe you one.” Nathan smiled as he took the dolphin into his hands. “What’s your favourite animal Flo?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-A dolphin, why?” She sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled. “Kaitlyn drew you one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes lit up when she saw it and she ran over to give me a hug. “Thank you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled as I hugged her back. “I-I’m glad you like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s really pretty.” She smiled slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “It was just a quick sketch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re the best friend ever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled awkwardly. “I d-don’t know about t-that Flo…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo smiled. “You are a wonderful friend Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you so much.” She tightened the hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I couldn’t help but smile. “It’s fine Flo. It’s fine. Do you want to go and put it up in your room or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Let’s go!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo and Nathan gave us the nod of approval and she practically dragged me down the hall to her own room, pushing the door open and leading me inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where should I put it?” She asked, looking around the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Your choice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s put it above my bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Sounds good.” I nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She got some blu-tack off of her desk and hung the picture right above her bed. “Does that look okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a little crooked.” I said. “Slightly anticlockwise, and it’ll be perfect.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She adjusted the picture slightly. “Is that better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perfect!” I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stepped off the bed where she was hanging it and looked at it. “Looks awesome.” She grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “I can draw you more things if you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” I shrugged. “Give me some requests and I’ll draw anything you want. I can’t promise they’ll be any good, but I can try.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” She wrapped me in another hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “It’s fine Flo. I’m glad somebody likes what I do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shall we go find Indigo and Nathan now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head and sat down. “I like it better when it’s just us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright.” She smiled. “Sorry for dragging you out of therapy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I couldn’t help but smile. “Honestly, you did me a favour.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was happening? If you’re okay to talk about it, that is…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bit my lip. “They were telling me that my Dad wasn’t coming on Sunday because he overdosed on his medication and then when I got upset she got mad…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sucks, I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Thanks for rescuing me, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine.” She giggled slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down at her desk chair and looked over at the pieces of paper covering the paper. “What’s this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s either a hate filled letter or a story. I forgot what I was writing last.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I read the first line. “It’s a hate filled letter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Joy.” She mumbled. “Theses are surprisingly fun to write. I alway have a tonne of pent up anger so it’s almost therapeutic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and put it down. “Do you have a typewriter or something? These looked typed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Yeah. It’s here.” She opened the case up to reveal her beautiful old typewriter, all in its vintage glory.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s really cool.” I smiled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded slightly. “My parents gave it to me for my birthday...not in person of course, but it was nice to know they cared.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you use it often?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I’m just worried because it’s running out of ink and I don’t have a way of getting any more, considering that they thought it might be nice to go on our annual christmas trip to see my grandmother without me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned. “That sucks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and sat down. “C-Can I ask you something sort of personal?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gulped. “Why are you in here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like what I have?” I asked, making sure I understood her question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like...your story.” She replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You may have to be more specific. My story is everywhere and hard to navigate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um....was there a big thing that landed you in here?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I...uh…..I induced a mental breakdown…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really hated my foster parents and thought being in hospital would be better than being with them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And then they sent you here instead?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I don’t really remember much of it. I passed out I think.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s better than knowing everything that happened though, I wish I had passed out.” Florence mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to share yours?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “M-My social anxiety has slowly gotten worse since, well, I’ve had it for about a year. I convinced my parents to let me do school online because I’d have panic attacks as soon as I’d walk into school. I thought that would help, but it only got worse. I wouldn’t go out, and I stopped eating, and when I did I’d throw up. My parents weren’t around to notice, so I think that’s how it got so severe. Then maybe, a month ago? It hit a peak. I locked myself in my room, and I wouldn’t come out for anything. I didn’t eat at all, I had a bucket for, um, bodily functions and a good supply of water. And I sat in the corner with the lights off for almost a week until anyone noticed. My Dad had to take the door off it’s hinges and the only thing I really remember about that is the absolute terror….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She trailed off into nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled her in for a hug. “That’s terrible. I’m so sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “I woke up in the hospital, and I was having panic attacks whenever somebody would enter the room. Didn’t matter if it was my parents or a stranger, it would send me into absolute meltdown. I was in a venting room for days, and then eventually they said that I was being moved to a facility where I would be treated, and well, here I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think the only good thing about this place is the fact that we met each other.” I mumbled. “And possibly the fact Indy is here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “Yes to the first bit, not so much to the second. I find her a bit mean…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “She was my therapist before I came here so I got used to it but yeah, she can be mean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I feel bad saying it though.” She mumbled, tucking her knees up to her chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. Don’t feel bad.” I stated. “She’s probably heard much worse than that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “I guess…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What else do you want to talk about?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I d-don’t mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo knocked on the door and walked in. “Dinner, guys.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Florence froze. “I-In the d-dining hall?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be okay kiddo. I’ll be there and so will Kaitlyn.” She assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took her hand. “You can do this Flo. I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She forced a smile. “O-Okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked into the dining hall and I felt Florence’s hand shaking in my own. I led her over to a table that wasn’t so crowded so she’d have some peace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get some food.” I said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I-I’ll be f-fine…” She stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When I went up, I got food for both of us since she wasn’t coming up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave me a grateful smile as I placed the food down in front of her, although she grimaced when she took a bite.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not good?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I’m not hungry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Oh well. Let’s just hope I don’t make myself sick.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What, like force yourself to be sick?” She whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “One time I ate too much and started throwing up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds horrible.” She mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “It was. Anyway, let's eat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took two more small bites before pushing the food away. I didn’t want to be the one to tell her she had to eat more so I silently ate some more, already feeling ridiculously full.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on Flo, eat some more. You can’t leave until you do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She started crying lightly. “I-I can’t” She whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “Yes, you can. Please Flo, come on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ve already e-eaten some I-Indigo!” She argued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve barely eaten any Flo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I-It’s enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo shook her head. “2 spoonfuls is not enough. You need to eat Florence.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m fine. I’m n-not hungry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Florence, you eat, or I’ll have to feed you.” Indio threatened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I-I’ll be f-fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Florence, this is your final warning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-PLEASE!” She begged, burying her face in her knees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo loaded the spoon with some food. “Open up Flo. I did warn you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head, not opening her mouth at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Florence, now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She made a few whimpering noises before sliding under the table and hiding there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo sighed. “Kaitlyn, if you’re finished, you can go and join the others in the common room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I stay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. Go to the common room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright…” I murmured, getting up from my seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt Florence grip my leg. “D-Don’t l-leave!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bent down. “I have to.” I whispered to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gripped my leg even tighter. “N-No, y-you don’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Indigo says so.” I explained quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on down there?” Indigo asked, lifting the table cloth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re talking.” I stated simply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Kaitlyn, I have to ask you to leave now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t make her leave!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not Florence?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s my friend!” She pulled me into a hug and cried into my shoulder. “I need her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo rubbed her eyes. “Fine, as long as you eat. You eat, she stays. You don’t, she goes. So what’s it going to be?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hesitantly got up and sat back on her seat. She took a small bite and forced it down, tears running down her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank god.” Indigo mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With every bite, her tears worsened. “I-I’m gonna be sick.” She whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo grabbed her arm. “No, you’re not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-Please, no more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No bathroom. You are not sick.” Indigo said firmly. “You don’t have to eat any more, but you have to come to the common room now. And no bathroom there either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-But every else i-is there…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn will be there. She’ll look after you. We have night time activities to do now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “P-Please, no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took her hand. “It’ll be okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It won’t…” She whimpered. She was beginning to shake already.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo left and returned with some medication. “Take these Flo. They’ll help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took the medication and curled up under the table once again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Florence, we have to go now.” Indigo stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “Th-the medication i-isn’t working…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is. Come on, let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She curled herself up tighter and sniffled as she remained shaking under the table. “I-I’m n-not going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, go sit in there. Florence will be in in a minute. She’ll need someone to explain the instructions.” Indigo said, shoving me lightly towards the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I rolled my eyes and sat by the door, knowing it’d be awhile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan welcomed me in and sat me next to some other girl, while he explained that tonight we’d be decorating Christmas trees around the building. He split us up into small groups, and I was paired with 2 girls I hadn’t talked to yet. We were given a tree and a box of decorations and send to the corner of the common room to begin setting it up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down and watched the girls argue. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have to do red and gold decorations!” One argued. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Silver and blue!” The other countered. I sighed and started placing green decorations on the tree just to spite them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey! Take those down! The green sucks!” One of them snapped at me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So does your arguing!” I retaliated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The girl sighed. “Look, how about we just put all the decorations on the tree?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s too many. The ratio to tree exposure to decoration would be completely off balance.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, how about we just do an equal portion of all colours?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We all divvied up the decorations and started decorating the tree so it looked even all around. The mixture of colours looked undoubtedly atrocious but none of us said anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who wants to put the star on top?” One of the girls asked, holding the silver decoration up to us.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “One of you can do it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The other girl took the star and perched it on top. “There.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We all sat down on the floor, the other two girls talking to each other and me just sitting, lonely as usual.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what’s your name then?” One of them finally asked. “I think I’ve seen you in group. Hang on, Kaitlyn, was it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Yep.” I stated simply. “Your names?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hannah and Rosie.” She smiled. “I’m Hannah, she’s Rosie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re nice names.” I smiled slightly, lying down on the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have a nice name too.” Rosie smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” I mumbled, staring at the ceiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So...what do we do now?” Hannah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Wait, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone else is heading back to the tables. We should probably join.” Rosie said, getting up from her spot on the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and got up, finding a seat at the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good job everyone!” Nathan smiled. “The trees look amazing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo then came in and looked around. “Wow. Done already?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I watched as Florence snuck around the edge of the room and quickly sat in the chair next to me, and made a pose to seem as if she’d been sitting there for ages.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good to see you Flo.” I whispered, looking over to her. “Feeling any better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and turned her attention back to Nathan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve got ten minutes until bed so you guys can just talk among yourselves if you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who won?” A boy called from another table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do we need a winner?” Indigo mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s no winner tonight. Everyone did a great job.” Nathan told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone booed. Florence and I tried to just block it out and remain silent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s Christmas! Everybody wins!” Indigo snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That made everyone quiet. Florence got scared even at the outburst.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan turned to Indigo and they quietly said some things, before Nathan returned to the microphone. “You’re free to go. Go get ready for bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Florence frowned before getting up from her seat. I was getting ready to go to bed when Indigo stopped me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Every four hours.” She stated, pulling out my medication.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right.” I mumbled, taking the pills and the water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you good to go to bed yourself or do you want me to come?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shifted around uncomfortably as she said that in front of Florence. “I-I’ll be o-okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Goodnight kiddo.” She smiled before heading out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Do you n-need her in the room when you go to sleep?” Florence asked as we walked down the hall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Not really. It’s just nice to have someone to talk to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Oh, okay.” She shrugged. “Um… I’m g-going to the bathroom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. I’ll see you in the morning, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and almost ran to the bathroom without another word.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was slightly concerned, but brushed it off and walked to my room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I put my pajamas on and climbed into bed, lying down and trying not to think about the silence that had fallen over the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, there was a slight knock, almost so quiet that I didn’t hear it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got up and opened the door, mostly out of curiosity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Florence stood there in her pajamas, clutching a pillow to her chest really tightly. “C-Can I s-stay h-here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Why not?” I led her into the room. “What’s up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Indigo c-caught m-me throwing u-up and then s-she told me t-to go t-to bed b-but when I w-went to b-bed I k-kept having a-all t-these r-really bad thoughts and I w-was scared…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “That’s alright. Do you want to lie down on the bed?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “O-Okay. W-Will you lie with m-me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” I answered. We climbed into bed and she curled up into me, still seemingly scared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay Flo?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tried to whimper a response before she buried her face in my chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh Flo. It’s okay.” I whispered, gently patting her back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-You aren’t g-going to get in trouble f-for this, a-are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was unsure, but I tried to firmly assure that we were fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She ended up falling asleep, curled up beside me so I left her there and stared at the ceiling while I tried to sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door opened slightly and Indigo poked her head in. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Florence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank god she’s here. I was worried about where she was.” She whispered. “How are you Kaitlyn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Feels like I’m feeling insomnia’s wrath right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sat down on the chair. “I can stay until you’re asleep if you want, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” I smiled slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Florence stirred lightly at the noise so I tried to quieten down as I curled up in the bedsheets and tried to fall asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wrapped her arm around me and held me tight. It was probably the safest I’d felt in a long time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it was probably the reason I fell asleep not long after.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0071"><h2>71. Chapter 70 - Bringing New Meaning To Old Habits</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>***** Sarah’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, here we go Brendon. We’re going home.” I smiled as I lead him to the car. “Finally.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Finally.” He breathed in relief. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just in time for Christmas too.” I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Luckily. I thought I’d be kept there for longer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At least the surgery and everything went down without a hassle.” I stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “I feel compromised. I have a huge scar now.” He sighed. “My days of performing topless may be over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took his hand. “That’s nothing Bren.” I rubbed circles into the back of his palm. “I doubt anyone will notice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He fell silent. “M-maybe…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t stutter babe, please. You should be happy, you just got out of hospital.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He forced a weak smile. “Alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We got home and the puppies jumped all over Brendon. His smile grew and he picked them up and ruffled their fur. They started jumping up and scratching his stomach. He flinched when Ollie scratched along the scar. He shooed Ollie down and went to slump into the couch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still hurts.” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down beside him. “I know Bren. It will for a little while. You just have to be careful since it still hasn’t healed fully.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded before getting up from his seat. He wandered into the kitchen and scavenged around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you looking for Bren?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alcohol.” He mumbled. “And there’s none.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well considering you were on an alcohol ban, that is understandable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that even a thing anymore?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eh?” I murmured. “You can have some, not get ridiculously drunk at home, but you aren’t allowed any alcohol when you’re going out, alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled me in for a hug. “You’re the best!” He smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled. “If you say so Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to go into the studio, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned slightly, but nodded. “Have fun.” I stated, kissing him on the cheek. He raced off to the studio and closed the door behind him. I walked to the bedroom and found Nicole sitting on the bed reading and Jaxon playing with his bear. Jaxon looked up at me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is daddy home?!” His eyes widened. I smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Wanna go see him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon nodded. I picked him up and carried him to the studio. I knocked lightly on the door and waited for a response. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come in!” Brendon called. Jaxon got excited when he heard Brendon’s voice. I came in and took Jaxon to Brendon. He was busy mucking around on a guitar. He put it down beside him and picked up Jaxon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey bud! How are you?” Brendon asked, twirling him around on the office chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon giggled. “I’m good!” He wrapped Brendon up in a hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I missed ya bud.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon was giggling and happy so I left him with Brendon before going back to Nicole.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you?” I asked, sitting on the end of the bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “Alright, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you up to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She just held the book up slightly. “Just reading, I guess. Nothing exciting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, is the book good at least?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Yeah, it’s good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you excited for Christmas?” I asked excitedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it’ll be good. It’ll be Bren and I’s first christmas where it’s not just us, I suppose.” I smiled, lying on the bed. “It’ll be interesting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know what’s happening with Kaitlyn yet?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “She should be visiting us on Christmas day, which is good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool.” She smiled slightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got up to check on Brendon and Jax. “Hey guys. What’s going on here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daddy is showing me the guitar!” Jaxon chirped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down beside Jaxon. “It’s cool, isn’t it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon nodded. Brendon put the guitar down and lifted Jaxon onto his lap. “He’s being my little helper.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled. “Awesome.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you busy Sarah?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “Why’s that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He handed me a pair of headphones. I put them on and he hit play.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When’d you have time to make this Bren?” I asked, taking the headphones off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “Just pieced a few separate bits together I had. How’s it sound?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “It sounds great Brendon.” I answered, wrapping him in a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think it’s good enough to show Robert?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I think so. When do you want to go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right now?” He suggested. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Come on Jax, let’s get you back to Nikki. We’re going out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled as Brendon picked him up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nicole! We’re going out.” I called.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon took Jaxon into the room and gave him his teddy bear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We good to go?” I asked Brendon. He nodded and we got into the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We drove to the studio and instead of being nervous, he seemed really excited. “Come on Sarah!” He called.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled, shaking my head as I got out of the car and caught up to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, um...hi, Brendon.” Robert greeted, surprised by Brendon’s childish nature.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey! I’ve got something for you!” Brendon smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Robert grinned. “Awesome.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon plugged his USB in and Robert sat and listened. He took the headphones off after it was done and tapped on the desk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s missing something.” He mumbled. “It’s fine, the song’s fine, I just feel it could be better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon nodded, calming down a bit. “What do you suggest?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel like it needs something more vocally. The instrumental is phenomenal, as usual. Maybe you could collaborate. I’m not sure. I’m sure you’ll find something. If not, we can release it like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon bit his lip. “Alright. I’ll try to work something out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s the money situation going?” Robert asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon’s face twisted up. “It’s better, but it’s still not great. Once the single is released, then everything should be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Robert nodded. “Alright. If you’re still having trouble, tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should be good.” He assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Is there anything else you wanted to discuss?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon shook his head. “Thanks though.” He murmured, getting up from his seat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked out to the car and Brendon was still dismal. The entire car ride was silent, and once we got home, he went into the studio without another word.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Brendon’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I went into the studio, somehow enjoying the hollow silence the room had. I just needed to forget. If my music wasn’t good enough then maybe I should just give up. But then we wouldn’t have any money and then everyone will hate me and ARGH! I slammed my hands on the desk in frustration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I needed something. I needed to fill in that tiny hole of emptiness inside. I was letting my emotions get the best of me. I pulled my weapon of choice out of the draw from my depleting collection.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I scribbled out a quick note to Sarah, briefly explaining what was going on before I set a joint alight and just let go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a good while, Sarah knocked on the door. “Bren, can I come in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go away.” I droned, making sure the door was locked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve ignored my texts and calls Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I want to be alone!” I snapped, frustrated. “Look, I’m fine. Don’t worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure Bren?” She asked cautiously. “You don’t sound okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door unlocked with a small click and swung open, revealing Sarah with a hairpin in her hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you just pick the lock?!” I accused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Calm down Brendon. It’s the only way I could get in. You’ve got to stop locking me out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I lock you out because I don’t want anyone in here!” I snapped. “Including you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “I know, but I don’t like you being alone, especially if you’re ignoring me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?!” I moved slightly to try and hide what was on my desk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you literally just got out of hospital. And I know you sit in here and torture yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That's my choice. This is my house, this is my studio, and I’ll do what I choose to do!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I don’t know if I can trust you. That’s why I’m acting so paranoid.” She explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I folded my arms and scowled. “What sort of wife are you?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not a very good one.” She mumbled. “What are you doing in here anyway?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just thinking.” I said plainly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so.” She mumbled, sitting down on the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She walked over my to desk and gasped. “Brendon!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t have come in.” I mumbled, running my hands over my face and through my hair. I took a deep breath in. “I’m sorry Sarah.” I breathed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed and swept the bottle of vodka off of my desk. “Inside Brendon. Now. And don’t you dare say a word to the kids.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing Sarah. Don’t worry. I’ll be fine in here.” I murmured, taking a smoke. “It’s just a bit of harmless fun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She snatched it from my hand and put out the flame on the desk. “Inside Brendon. Now!” She growled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jeez, okay!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She watched me like a hawk as I held my hands up and walked out of my studio and towards the house. Nicole was watching the whole ordeal with a small smirk on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Someone’s in trouble?” She asked knowingly as I walked past.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I growled some form of response before dismissing the thought and continuing onwards.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah led me to the bedroom and locked the door. “What the HELL were you thinking Brendon?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?! I was just having some me time!” I defended. “I didn’t realise that wasn’t allowed!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Taking drugs and drinking vodka is not allowed Brendon!” She snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because not only are drugs ILLEGAL, you just GOT OUT OF MAJOR SURGERY. Brendon, your body can’t handle this and I doubt your brain can either! Ugh! Did you even THINK before doing this?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was nothing! The surgery happened ages ago! And yes! Yes I did think about it and it was a damn good decision too!” I countered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah shook her head in disbelief. “That was NOT a ‘damn good decision’ Brendon. That was not a good decision at all. I don’t know if I can trust you on your own anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if I can call you my wife anymore…”  I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah gasped, before turning and storming out of the room, slamming the door behind her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a deep breath in, trying to not worry myself too much. It worked slightly, but eventually I just laid down and let my thoughts consume me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a slight knock at the door eventually. “Can I come in Brendon?” I heard Nicole ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you want.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole opened the door and sat down on the bed. “I don’t know what you said to Sarah, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen her this upset before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I buried my face in a pillow. “Great.” I grumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um...she came out to the lounge room and is currently crying while cuddling a very-confused Jaxon who has no idea why she’s sad. I think you should probably do something….” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well it’s sort of a hard problem to fix.”  I sighed. “And my trying usually makes things worse.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, I don’t think it can get worse at this point. Go and help her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know what I said. I can’t just ‘go and help her.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go talk to her. Apologise maybe. I don’t know. Just hug her.” Nicole suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got up from the bed and started contemplating things to say before I ended up collapsing back on the bed with no answers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please Brendon, come on! It hurts me to see her like this.” Nicole whined, pulling my hand to try and get me up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because my hurting is irrelevant.”  I muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole sighed. “Fine. Just remember, this is a time when you had the opportunity to help someone who was hurting, and you’ve just wasted it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t Nicole! I’m sorry I’m so stupid! I’m sorry I don’t think like you! I’m sorry!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve told you what to do Brendon, but you’ve ignored me. Look, it’s fine. But don’t say I didn’t try to help you if bad things come out of this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They always do. Hooray for institution!” I mumbled sarcastically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole huffed and walked out of the room, leaving the door open so I could hear the quiet echoes of Sarah crying from down the hall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wanted to help her so badly and I didn’t know what was stopping me, but there was something there. I threw my head into the pillows and cried a few undeserving tears of my own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, I couldn’t hear the crying anymore. For a split second, I thought it was because she had gotten over what I’d said, but as soon as I heard Nicole crying for Sarah not to leave, and the door slamming, I knew it was all over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ended up pulling myself up, not letting her leave once again and ran through the house to the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ran out to the front of the house and sprinted towards the car as Sarah started the engine. In a final leap of faith, I tore the passenger door open and climbed in just as the car started moving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t leave!” I panted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why should I stay if I’m clearly unwanted Brendon?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want you! I love you! You’re my wife! I love you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why’d you say it Brendon?” She asked, tears forming once again in her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Because I’m stupid and dumb and bad and I said bad things!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I….I don’t know anymore Brendon…” She whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please Sarah. Please. I’m so, so incredibly sorry and I’ll do anything as long as you stay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It really hurt Brendon…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I leaned over and grabbed her hand. “I’m so sorry Sarah. I’m so, so, incredibly sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to stay Brendon, but, I don’t want it to happen again. I just don’t know.” She sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry Sarah. I won’t do it again. Please, just please don’t leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took a deep breath in. “Let’s go home.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly and planted a kiss on her cheek. “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She drove home completely silent and wandered into the house mindlessly. She sat in front of the TV and put a random show on, though it was clear her thoughts were elsewhere.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarah!” Jaxon smiled, attempting to hug her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hi Jax.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you happier now?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I guess so?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He snuggled into her. “I’m happy because you’re back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled slightly. “That’s good.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole walked in and sat down. She gave me a small smile and mouthed the words ‘well done’ in my direction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave her a slight grateful smile before turning my attention back to Sarah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorta hungry.” She mumbled as she played with Jaxon’s hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you feel like?” I asked, getting up from my seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Chocolate?” She asked hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do we have chocolate?” I questioned, starting to go through the cupboards.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“2nd from the left.” Nicole stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” I responded, pulling the chocolate out and handing it to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She silently began eating it, her thoughts still elsewhere.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole and I shared a few awkward glances as we tried to come up with some sort of conversation topic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you heard from Kaitlyn?” Nicole asked eventually. “Do you know when she’s coming home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She should be coming over on Christmas and coming home sometime next month.”  She answered plainly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole nodded. “It’ll be good to see her again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Sarah responded. “It will.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “It feels like I haven’t seen her in forever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s hope there’s no issues.” Nicole stated. “Coffee, anyone?” </span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Kaitlyn’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, let’s discuss your plans for Christmas day.” Indigo stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do we have to discuss?”  I asked, starting to get comfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, as is the way with almost everyone on this ward, your Mom and Dad are coming to pick you up at 7, and then they’re going to take you home until 5, when you can come back here for Christmas dinner with your family and at 7 they’ll go home.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Okay, that sounds fine, I suppose.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“However, just be warned, that if any large events happen between now and then, you may be stripped of that right to go, okay? So you’ve got to be good or else they won’t let you go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll try?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How can I make sure nothing like that happens?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take your medication and just don’t start things, don’t try and be sick, just the normal things.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a deep breath in before nodding.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about Florence?” I asked. “She said her parents couldn’t come. What’s she doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “She might just stay here. I honestly don’t know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is she the only one or are there others?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are a few others who aren’t allowed to leave, but most people are going home for the day.” She answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh….okay.” I mumbled. “As long as she’s not alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo nodded. “And I’ll be here for her to talk to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good.” I nodded. “Do you think she’ll be really sad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think she’ll be a bit sad. Hopefully it’s not too bad.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you asking?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t even know.” I responded quietly. “I guess I just want to know because she’s my friend and I don’t want her to be sad on Christmas.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo nodded. “I suppose that’s understandable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>.I curled up in the seat. “Are we almost finished?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. You can go now since you’re so desperate to leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly and got up from my seat. “Thanks Indigo. Do you have my medication before I go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Thanks for reminding me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled out the medication and poured me some water to go with it. “There you go kiddo.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” I mumbled as I quickly took it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you later.” Indigo smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked out of the room and to the common area, where I found Florence sitting in the corner, scrawling away in a notebook. I sat down next to her and leaned back against the wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave me a slight smile, showing she noticed I was there before going back to what she was writing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatcha doing?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Writing.” She whispered almost silently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see.” I nodded. “What are you writing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A story right now.” She mumbled slightly, rubbing something out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. What’s it about?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh...um….time travelling?” She answered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool.” I nodded, looking around the room at everyone else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded slightly. “I-I guess…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to, um, like, do something?” I asked. “We could play a board game or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I’m sorry!” She apologised, closing her book. “What d-do you want to do?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Board game?” I suggested. “They have monopoly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay.”  She whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” I asked. “You seem on edge.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know…” She stammered. “I-I’ve felt l-like this all d-day so far.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you take your medication?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “I don’t know. J-Just d-don’t worry about me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took her hand. “Let’s go find Nathan and see if he can get them for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I-It’s fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not. You look like you’re about to throw up you look so nervous. Come on, let’s go find him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She bowed her head and trailed along behind me as I went to go find him. “Y-You don’t h-have to do this…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We found him in the dining hall, watching a couple of kids in a pokemon tournament. I had to pull Florence up to him as I asked him about her medication.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you take your medication this morning Florence?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I did…” She whispered. “B-But I t-threw it u-up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan sighed. “Alright. You just go sit down and I’ll be back with some, alright?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and sat down at a table in the furthest corner of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t like the medication…” She whimpered, looking at her lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not a fan of mine either, but we just have to take it.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She frowned. “I-It doesn’t even seem to work.” She sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure it does….” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan came back with some medication and some water. He placed it in front of Florence. “There you go. This should hopefully make you feel a bit better.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded uncertainly. “T-thanks…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once she had taken them, Nathan went back to supervising the others.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that better?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “A-A little bit…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good.” I smiled. “Do you want to go play a board game now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you want to, sure.” She answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly. “Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan walked in just as we were about to head back to the common room. “Time for group therapy!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god…”  She mumbled</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took her hand. “It’ll be okay. Let’s go in early so we can get seats next to each other, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded unsurely. “O-Okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I led her to the room and we sat down in the circle of chairs as everybody else came in. Once the room was full, the man at the head of the circle started the session.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello everyone! As I said last time, today’s theme is accomplishment.” He stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started to curl up as I realised I hadn’t ever really accomplished anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s start with Poppy.” He stated, gesturing to the girl beside him. “What’s your story about accomplishment?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um….I overcame my anxiety and I did my exams?” She suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “That’s good. Any questions about that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everybody shook their heads.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, Ben?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won a hockey premiership with my team last year. Just after I got out of this place last time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any questions about that?” The man asked once again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everybody shook their heads once again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, Kaitlyn, your turn.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I, um, I haven’t really accomplished anything…” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There has to be something. It can be small.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I don’t accomplish anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Florence?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“U-Um…” She shrivelled up as everyone looked at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took her hand and squeezed it lightly to reassure her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I f-finished a b-book I w-wrote?” She stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled. “That’s great. Any questions?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was the book about?” A boy asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“U-Um…..Z-zombies?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled. “Cool.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, Jake?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did the world’s steepest rollercoaster!” He grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woo!”  His friend cheered, giving him a high five.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man chuckled. “That’s great. Any questions?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone shook their head and we finished going around the circle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good job today everyone. I think this was really productive, and it was nice to see everyone contributing. Now, you can all go to lunch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone herded out of the room except for me and Flo who were waiting for the doorway to clear out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, after everyone else had gone through, we walked through to the lunch room and sat down at our normal seats, waiting to be called up for food.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So how was that?”  I asked Florence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shuddered. “I-I hate g-group.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because of all the people?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-and the t-talking…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I hate it too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, Florence, you two can go up and get food.” Indigo said, pointing us to the collection point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We nodded and got up to get some food. Florence was hesitant to go up but she came eventually.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After grabbing our plates we sat down, and Indigo sat with us, as she always did at mealtimes. I was thinking back to what she said at therapy about Christmas, so I did my best to eat as much as possible, or even more than that. Florence on the other hand, didn’t touch her food at all. She just played with the fork.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on Florence, you have to eat something.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” She asked in a rather aggressive manner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you’re hurting your body if you don’t. It needs food. And since Nathan told me you threw up already this morning, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> need to eat.” She answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Florence just shook her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t leave until you’ve eaten Florence.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pushed the plate slowly until it fell off the table, letting the food fall to the ground and splattered all over her feet. “Oops.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Florence!” Indigo scolded. She walked up and got more food. “Now eat.”  She demanded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I’ll push that one to the floor too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re walking a fine line Florence. Eat.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought I’d fallen to the pits of hell already.” She grumbled as she stood up from the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo grabbed her hand and pulled her down. “You are going to eat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “No, I am not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you are!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Florence sighed and shook her head. “I’m not Indigo, and you can’t make me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well let’s go solitary. Come on.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Cool. Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo led her out of the room. Nathan then came over after seeing I was alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Kaitlyn. How are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Alright, I guess.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I saw some fighting. Did you see what went down?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With Florence?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “She wasn’t eating so Indigo took her to solitary. Don’t know if that’ll help at all though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She probably won’t be there long. Especially since she likes it so much.” Nathan said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess so.”  I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have any other friends you could sit with?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about Hannah and Rosie?” He suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know if I-I would consider them m-my friends…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, why don’t you go sit with them?” He said, pointing to a seat over where they were sitting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I’ll just suck it up and sit alone.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go sit with them Kaitlyn, go on.” He told me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, please.” He said sternly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you want me to?” I asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I want you to make more friends. I want you to get better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not my fault all the people I become friends with aren’t around…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. Just, can you please go and sit with them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked down. “I-I don’t w-want to though…”  I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “Lunch is nearly over anyway. Eat all you can, and we’ll head back to the common room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ate some more of the meal and almost finished all of it before I was full.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Kaitlyn. Just drop it off and we’ll go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took the plate up to be washed up and returned to Nathan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked down the hall to the common room and sat down on the couch to watch the movie that was playing in the background.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Florence returned as the movie was ending, looking miserable. She silently sat beside me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Flo! What’s up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing.” She grumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s something. What’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just stuff.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you wanna talk about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I don’t know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened in solitary?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Indigo spoon fed me, lectured me then forced me out here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sucks.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s what it is.” She stated, picking at her fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just a bit bummed out.”  She admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not a lot of things seem to be going right.”  She murmured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that means that all the good things must be in the near future, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or it’s already happened…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded silently and patted her shoulder a few times. “It’ll get better Flo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled. “I-I just feel like nobody cares about me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I care about you. I promise.” I wrapped her into a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-Nobody e-else d-does.” She whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Plenty of people do. Why do you think no one cares?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone a-abandoned m-me here.” She whispered. “T-They just l-left and t-they’re n-not coming b-back f-for a w-whole month. T-They don’t c-care about me a-at all. And t-the only t-thing that the p-people in h-here do is y-yell at me! A-And n-none of my o-old f-friends a-are coming, t-they don’t c-care either. N-Nobody d-does.” She sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I held her in tight. “I’m sorry Flo.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can we g-go to m-my room?” She asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Of course.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She walked back to her room, with me in tow. She curled up on her bed and just stared at the wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wrapped her in another hug and held her tight while we sat in silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m s-sorry I’m like t-this.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to apologise. It’s fine.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” She mumbled again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t respond, knowing it was just going in circles. “How are you feeling now?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Horrible.” She muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway I can help?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She flopped back on the bed and sighed. “Nope.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’ll be here in case you think of anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She curled up tightly. “Do you ever feel like nobody would care if you died right now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I have thought of that, yeah. It was a horrible feeling though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s r-really h-horrible.” She cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m positive it’ll get better. It always does, I promise.” I assured. “Maybe not today, or tomorrow but it will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It w-won’t!” She cried. “N-Nothing e-ever gets b-better f-for me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise it will. I know you’re feeling horrible right now but you need to understand that it will get better.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It won’t!” She wailed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to talk to Nathan or Indigo?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I-I just w-want to s-stay here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need to talk to someone Flo. It’ll make you feel a lot better.” I stated. “I promise.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “T-They all h-hate me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They don’t hate you. They want you to get better.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “T-They s-scream a-at me!” She cried. “D-Don’t s-send me t-to them!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you expect to get better then?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know!” She panicked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sh…” I soothed. “It’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She just burst into another round of tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just want you to be okay.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just w-want this to b-be o-over!” She cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No you don’t, you don’t want that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I do!” She sobbed. “I r-really d-do!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No you don’t! I promise! You need to stay!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She buried herself under her blankets and continued sobbing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got up from my seat and went to get Indigo to hopefully help her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Indigo?” I asked when I found her in the common room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up kiddo?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Florence really needs desperate help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why? What’s going on?” She asked, following me to her room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-She’s r-really bad. She’s saying that she doesn’t want to be here and that she wants it all to be over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo picked up her pace and went into Florence’s room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on Flo?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“G-Go a-away!” She sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m only here to help. Please, tell me what’s going on.”  Indigo sat beside her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-You’re o-only g-going to y-yell at m-me!” She cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to yell, I promise. I’m just trying to make you feel a bit better.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t b-be h-helped!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can, you just need to let us help you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I want t-to d-die.” She whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you feel that way Flo?”  Indigo asked, growing much more concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Because n-nobody c-cares a-about me a-and e-everyone’s l-left me!” She sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We care Florence. We haven’t left. We aren’t going to leave.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-But y-you shout a-at me! Y-You’re m-mean to m-me!” She cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I only do that because you’re stopping yourself from getting better.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She burst into tears again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be back, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She just continued sobbing and didn’t provide a response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Indigo finally returned, she had more medication. “Let’s try this, alright?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I d-don’t w-want any m-medication!” She sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll make you feel better Florence. That’s the only reason I’m giving it to you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo slowly started pulling back the blankets, only to start a tug-of-war with Florence as she fought to stay covered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Florence, please. I’m trying to help you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffled and fought against it. “I-I d-don’t want m-medication!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need it though. It’s the only way to help you right now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I decided to step in. “Please Flo. Take it for me, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t l-like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, just take it for me. Please.” I pleaded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hesitantly took the medication and curled back up on the bed. “W-what was that anyway?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just some emergency antidepressants.” Indigo explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t need a-anti-d-depressants…” She stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo gave her a sympathetic look. “I’m afraid you do kiddo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But w-why?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you were having suicidal thoughts.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She frowned. “I-I’m sorry…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t apologise kiddo, I know you can’t control it. Are you feeling any better now at least?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-A little bit. I’m still s-sorry…”  She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dinner should be soon, are you ready to go out to the dining hall?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head slightly. “I-I’m sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine kiddo. Look, we’ll just go out and sit with Kaitlyn, okay? No eating.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay...I-I’ll try to n-not be a pain.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not a pain Flo. I promise. Let’s go out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took a deep breath in before getting up from the bed. “I-I don’t k-know if I c-can do this…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo took her hand. “You can do this Florence. Kaitlyn and I will be there to help you, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s too s-scary…” She stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Flo.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t do i-it...I-I’m going to h-have an attack. I-I just know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo nodded unsurely. “Kaitlyn, can you just head out to the dining room? Go sit with Nathan. I’ll stay here with Flo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Alright. Bye for now, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Florence gave me a timid little wave before I walked out the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>*****Indigo’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, what’s going on Florence?” I asked, sitting beside her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-Nobody c-cares a-a-about me.” She whispered. “N-Not my p-parents, not m-my friends. N-Nobody.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lot’s of us care Flo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked down at the blankets. “You o-only care because y-you have to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn doesn’t have to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“K-Kaitlyn is t-the only o-one.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is she not enough?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She burst into tears again and buried herself back under the blankets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why isn’t she good enough for you Flo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just w-want m-my Mom and D-Dad!” She sobbed. “T-They don’t l-love me a-at all!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I rubbed her back. “I know you want them, I’m sorry. But they do love you, I’m sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-If they l-loved me, w-why a-aren’t t-they h-here when I n-need them m-most?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because they’re busy, they don’t know what’s going on, they can’t visit you right now. There are lots of reasons.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-They’re a-always b-busy!” She sobbed. “A-Always!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m sorry about that Flo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She burst into tears again and buried her face in the pillow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I honestly don’t know what to do Flo.” I sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I t-thought I w-was a good d-daughter.” She sniffled. “I-I thought t-that if I-I was g-good e-enough f-for them, t-t-they’d want t-to spend time with me… I w-was wrong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure they do. They’re just busy.” I tried to assure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Too busy t-to r-raise me.” She finished.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what you want me to do. I’m sorry your parents aren’t here but I can’t control them. I’ve tried to contact them but that’s useless if I hear nothing back. I’ve been trying Florence. I’m doing all I can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t e-even know w-why they h-had me in t-the first place.” She mumbled. “I-I was p-practically raised b-by nannies.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t answer that for you. I’m sure there’d be a reason, for all of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed and sat up slightly. “I-I must’ve b-been an accident.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know Florence. I don’t have the answers to these questions.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright, you don’t need to apologise. Are you feeling any better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I d-don’t even know.” She murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, I’m going to get you some medication, okay? Sit tight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay.” She sniffled.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0072"><h2>72. Chapter 71- Christmas Isn’t Coming Soon Enough</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>***** Nicole’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Santa comes tonight!” Jaxon exclaimed excitedly for what seemed to be the billionth time today.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He sure is.” Brendon smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon looked at the christmas tree. “I don’t want to sleep tonight! I want to see him!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah handed him a cookie. “You saw him at the mall the other day, remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah but I want to see him tonight!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He won’t come if you’re not asleep.” Brendon explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon frowned. “But I want to say hi!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about we write him a note?” Sarah suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon’s face lit up. “Yeah!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like a plan.” Brendon smiled. “What do you want to say to him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He considered for a moment. “Just thank you, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to leave him milk and cookies?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does he like milk and cookies?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He loves them.” Brendon explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you know? What if he’s allergic?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah stifled a laugh. “He has them every year bud. From boys and girls all over the world.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so…” He murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to leave him instead?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “What does he like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beer.” Brendon mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hot chocolate.” Sarah stated firmly, giving Brendon a glare.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hot chocolate sounds good.” Jaxon smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, hot chocolate it is then.” Brendon grumbled. “I think he’d much prefer beer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah shot him another glare. “Do you want to leave any sweet treats like cookies or anything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon considered for a moment. “Celery.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon frowned. “Alright. Let’s see if we have any first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled. “Why celery?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon giggled. “Because Santa is really fat so he needs to eat some healthy food!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah laughed. “I’m sure he’ll appreciate it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He certainly will.” Brendon grumbled as he put the celery on the bench. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that good?” Jaxon asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded and took a bite out of one of the sticks. “Do you want some?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “No thank you Mommy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah beamed with pride as he called her that and put the celery away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How much longer do we have to wait?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘It’s only lunchtime Jax.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He frowned. “I want it to be Christmas!” He whined.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only 11 hours now.” Brendon assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He started throwing a tantrum. “I don’t want to wait!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gently lifted him up from his seat. “Somebody’s a little tired.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was crying into my shirt. “It’s never gonna come!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gently bounced him up and down as I carried him to the bedroom. “It’ll come soon Jax. Let’s just lie down for a bit, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded and snuggled with his teddy bear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I laid down next to him and quietly maintained the conversation until I heard him snoring.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I went back out and Sarah and Brendon were having a small argument again. “What are you guys on about? Jaxon’s just fallen asleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, nothing.” Sarah stammered, quite flustered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so…” I mumbled, starting to make myself a coffee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How many of them have you had today?” Brendon asked in quite a concerned tone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “A few.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you’ve got a caffeine addiction.” He stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I doubt it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve seen you in here, maybe 7 times already today. I think we need to cap the amount of coffee you’re allowed to drink.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing.” I shrugged. “You don’t have to worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a little concerning Nicole.” Sarah said, gently sliding my mug out of my hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “If you say so…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Three.” Brendon stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s like, nothing.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s the new cap. For everyone.” He stated loudly. “Three a day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am not going to last.” I mumbled, already mourning the loss of the coffee Sarah took away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bren, if we cut her down to three a day all of a sudden, she’s going to suffer withdrawal.” Sarah explained softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Withdrawal sucks, but it can be dealt with. Three a day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I reached for the cup that Sarah had placed on the bench. “Starting tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon sighed. “No more today though. You’ve had enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a sip and enjoyed the instant relief that it provided. “I haven’t even had that much though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve had enough.” He stated again. “No more after that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I suddenly felt the need to make this cup last. “I d-don’t know if I can do that Brendon…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need my coffee...or else I’m practically a panda or a koala or a sloth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then use this time to get used to it and work through it.” He stated simply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shuddered at the thought. “I-I’ll try?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, who’s going to cook Christmas lunch tomorrow?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t we all do a bit?” I suggested, not wanting to do it alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” Brendon shrugged. “What time are we picking Kaitlyn up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“7?” Sarah stated. “I think…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should double check that.” He mumbled. “Anyway, when she gets here, we’ll have to do presents or else Jax will probably explode.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “Probably. And then it’s out of the way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should probably only have a small breakfast, so there’s more room for lunch.” I suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon nodded. “Sounds good.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And then for dinner, we’ll just have lunch leftovers. Kaitlyn will be back by then. Hang on, wait. No, we’re having dinner at the institution. They’re doing some big thing over there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon’s face twisted up. “Great…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Supposedly the kids are doing some presentation.” Sarah mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon took a deep breath in. “Do we have to go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Brendon, we do.” Sarah said sternly. “We have to go and support our daughter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed and got up. “Fine. I’m going to mentally prepare myself.” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah grabbed the back of his shirt collar. “You can mentally prepare here, thank you.” She stated, pushing him onto the seat next to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was going to keep the door open, far out. I’ll be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah shook her head. “No Brendon. Until you build up enough trust, you stay within the house. The studio is strictly off limits. I’ll get new locks if I have to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye.” He stated, getting up and walking outside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah chased after him and pulled him back inside. “No Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go away!” He snapped, shaking Sarah’s hands off of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She locked the door. “Stay here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He broke the window with a few punches and went outside through the hole created. “Now leave me be!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dammit Brendon.” Sarah muttered as she chased after him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Sarah finally caught up to him, he fought her off and it honestly seemed like he was going to seriously hurt her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ran out of the room and tried to separate them. “Guys! Something is seriously wrong! What’s wrong?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“SARAH DOESN’T UNDERSTAND ALONE TIME!” Brendon yelled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because the last time you had alone time, I walked in and found you drunk and high!” She snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“IT DOESN’T MATTER!” He pushed Sarah away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey! No violence!” I intervened. “Look, how about Brendon has his alone time in the bedroom?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I NEED TO BE IN THE STUDIO!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“BECAUSE- Because that’s where everything is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you grab your laptop and come inside?” I suggested gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-Because I-I don’t w-want my laptop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want then Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My relief.” He mumbled, going into the studio.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon please!” Sarah pleaded, running after him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After some arguing, Sarah came out looking defeated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is everything okay?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s not budging. Nothing is going to make him stop. I’m going to call his psychologist.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Fair enough. I’ll go check on Jax.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “Just stay in the bedroom, okay? I’ll get you once it’s all sorted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded unsurely. “What’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I honestly don’t know. I just don’t want him to freak out again and hurt you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh….okay…” I murmured as I walked inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon was shifting all around the bed and he looked to be having a nightmare, so I lightly shook him awake. He grabbed my shirt and started crying into my chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jax! Jax, buddy, what’s wrong?” I asked as I gently stroked his hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-there w-were meanies i-in my dream and they t-took you away!” He cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aww. Well, I can promise you Jax. I’ll never leave you.” I soothed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He snuggled into my lap. “You’re warm.” He sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled slightly. “Are you cold bud?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “I-It’s really cold.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled the blankets up over him. “I’ll go find your jacket. I’ll be back in a moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded and snuggled up in the blankets while he waited.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked down to the laundry and shuffled through the baskets of dirty laundry until I found his little jacket. I dusted some crumbs off it, before turning to walk back to the bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hi Nicole.” Sarah greeted </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Sarah. Is Brendon getting better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “He’s had some medication and I got him to stop drinking at least.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly. “That’s good. You’re such a good wife Sarah, I don’t know how you do it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I don’t know if he’d consider me a good wife. Anyway, his psychologist should be coming soon so if you hear the door can you answer it for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” I nodded. “I’ll just give Jax his jacket.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” Sarah smiled slightly. “Is it cold in the room?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Do you mind if I turn up the thermostat?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go ahead.” She answered, starting to do the laundry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want some help with that?” I asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “If you want to help there’s some dishes in the kitchen though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I’ll just give this to Jax and I’ll get started.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Sounds good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I headed back to the bedroom and opened the door, to find Jax and managed to pull the blankets up over him entirely to try and stay warm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I lifted some of the blankets away and helped him get the jacket on. “Is that a bit better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Thanks Nikki.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wrapped him in a hug. “No problems.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nestled his head into my shoulder and just sat there for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling bud?” I asked, tightening the hug slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Better that you’re here.” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly. “What do you want to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we watch some TV?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I have to get the dishes done too, alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I picked him up and carried him out to the lounge. I brought a blanket too in case. He got all snuggled up and I put on some cartoons.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He started squirming as I finishing tucking him up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up bud?” I asked, sitting beside him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I have to g-go to the bathroom…” He mumbled, looking around at all the blankets and pillows I’d tucked him into.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright.” I picked him up, dragging the blankets and pillows everywhere. “Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry…” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright Jax.” I assured. “It’s not your fault.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once he was done in the bathroom, I picked him up and started to head to lounge. I was interrupted by a knock at the door. Once Jaxon noticed I was going to answer it, he hid his face in my shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I opened it up to find a woman with blonde hair standing there in some remarkably formal clothes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You must be Brendon’s psychologist. Come on in.” I welcomed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know where he is right now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think he’s in his studio.” I said, gesturing to the backyard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took a look outside, then at the broken window and nodded. “And Sarah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The laundry I think.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And that is where?” She asked, looking around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I led her down the hall. “Sarah, Brendon’s psychologist is here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah came out and gave a grateful smile. “Thanks Nicole.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can w-we go to the lounge now?” Jaxon whispered in my ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and walked out to the lounge room, leaving them to talk. I tucked Jaxon back in and made sure he was comfortable before I went to the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nikki?” He whispered as I started to walk out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why does our new Daddy need a psychololologist?” He asked, stumbling over the words. “I-Is he crazy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “He isn’t crazy. Sometimes he just needs to talk to someone about how he feels because once upon a time, something really bad happened to him and when he thinks about it he gets really sad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh…” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s just having a bit of a bad day.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon nodded. “Tomorrow should be better. Tomorrow Santa comes!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Yep! Tomorrow is going to be lots of fun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grinned and turned his attention back to the TV.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to get the dishes done as fast as I could to go back out there and accidently dropped one when I was putting it away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hoped no-one heard the crash as I bent down and tried to collect all the pieces.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah came into the kitchen. “Is everything alright?” She asked, looking at me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, um, I accidently dropped a plate...I’m sorry.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. As long as you’re okay.” She smiled. Sarah pulled out a dustpan and brush and helped me clean up the rest of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry for smashing the plate.” I apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “It’s really nothing. Brendon smashes them all the time when he’s doing dishes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still.” I mumbled. “I’m still sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah sighed. “Alright, then.” She tipped the pieces into the bin. “Be careful, just in case we missed any.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Course.” I nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. I’ll be out with Brendon if you need me.” She stated, going outside to the studio.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and after I finished cleaning up, I went back and sat with Jaxon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nikki’s back!” He smiled, wrapping me in a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Hi Jax.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you finish cleaning up?” He asked, snuggling up to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Yep. We can just relax now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>****Brendon’s Point Of View*****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard the door open to I shoved the bottle back in drawer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello Brendon.” I heard Dr Jo greet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I groaned and put the joint out on the desk. “What do you want?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To talk.” She stated simply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I don’t really want to talk.” I mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, why don’t you want to talk?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “Just a bit peeved.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “And why’s that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed. “This time last year I was good, I was fine, I was happy and I was even preparing for a tour but it all just got washed down the drain. It just feels horrible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s understandable. May I ask why you’ve once again resorted to drugs and alcohol Brendon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “It makes me feeeeeeeel good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do realise that both of those things are very bad, right? Like, you’re putting yourself in some serious danger.” She stated.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t care.” I told her as I took another swig of the bottle. “It makes all the bad thoughts go away. I haven’t felt this good in months!” I spun around a couple of times in the chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The medication is supposed to make the bad thoughts go away Brendon, and that’s not as dangerous as this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The medication does crap. This is greeeeeeeat.” I slurred.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Alright, no more.” She took the bottle away from me. “Nothing I say is going to stick when you’re like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey! Give that back!” I snapped, swinging my arm at her violently in an attempt to grab back my bottle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon!” She yelled, turning away from me. “Calm down!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“GIVE ME BACK MY DAMN BOTTLE!” I screamed, practically leaping on her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tried to get away from me. She was curled up in ball with me almost completely on top of her. “Brendon, calm down, please.” She begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“GIVE ME THE BOTTLE!” I roared as I tried to pry her arms off it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, you’re going to seriously hurt someone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A moment of clarity came to my mind and I climbed off Dr Jo and sat down on the office chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you good? Have you calmed down?” She whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I opened my drawer and pulled out my bottle of whiskey. “Yep.” I grinned as I took a swig.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon! No! I’m not going through that again!” She snapped. “No more!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just a bit of fuuuuuun Jo!” I tried to charm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It's not fun for me Brendon! I seriously thought you were going to hurt me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you haaaadn’t taken my drink away, it wouldn’t haaaave happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, the reason it happened is because you have been drinking and getting high. It changes you, and you need to stop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It changes me in a good way.” I giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo sighed. “Brendon, what would Kaitlyn say if she was here right now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “She wouldn’t notice.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon, do you remember how sad and disappointed you were when you found out about Kaitlyn’s old drug habits?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah well at least it’s not an addiction.” I stated, taking another drink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look at yourself Brendon. You’re a borderline alcoholic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “It’s just a bit of a hobby?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo gently took the bottle from my hands slowly. “Brendon, if you’re not, prove it. Show me you don’t need it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on! Your medication is crap! It’s all I have!” I argued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have the medication, the new better medication, your wife, your daughter, Nicole and Jaxon, your music, your friends, Brendon you have so many other things than this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged. “This is my favourite.” I tried to snatch the bottle away from her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Well, then I guess I’ll give it back. But the problem is Brendon, you’re letting this replace everything else. And when you can’t find your help at the bottom of the bottle, they’ll all have left, and you’ll have nothing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doesn’t matter. Addiction or not, it works. And they won’t leave. Not for something as small as this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo ran her fingers through her hair. “Well, I’ll be the first to leave. Sarah will probably be next, and she’ll take Nicole and Jaxon with her. I hope you enjoy Christmas alone Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And with that, she got up and left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I put the bottle down and got up. “Please, don’t leave.” I whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned around. “You chose the bottle. I hope you enjoy your choice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, I’ll try to stop, I swear, but I really need your help.” I admitted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled slightly, but force it deep down. “I’ll help you, but first you have to rid of the drugs and alcohol. All of them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll try?” I offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get them all out of the studio.” She told me. “I’ll go get a trash bag from Sarah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a deep breath in. “Okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be in in a second. Go and pull some things out.” She instructed as she walked towards the house, the puppies following her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started pulling it all out, honestly surprised at how much I actually had. Once it was all out, I just looked in awe at the collection I’d amassed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus Brendon.” Dr Jo mumbled as she put it all into the trash bag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, it’s bad.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s all gone now.” She expressed triumphantly as she tied the bag closed. “There. No more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bit my lip slightly. “I sort of already miss it….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve made the right choice.” She assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have I?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have.” She said firmly. “You’ve picked the people who love you over substances that only provide temporary distractions.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do they have to make me feel so good though?” I asked, picking at my jeans.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go visit the other things that make you feel good.” She said, leading me towards the house.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When I went in, Sarah wrapped me in a hug. “Are you feeling better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I….I don’t know yet…” I admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon’s chosen to get rid of the drugs and alcohol.” Dr Jo said proudly, putting a hand on my shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled. “That’s great!” She stated happily. “It’s going to be so good for you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked down. “I-I don’t know...I a-already want them b-back….” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can do it Bren.” Sarah promised, planting a kiss on my cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I continued picking at my jeans. “If you say so.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daddy!” Jaxon called as Nicole entered with him in her arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, hi Jax.” I mumbled, not feeling like a very suitable parent at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I have a hug?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” I took him from Nicole and held him in a tight hug. “How’s that bud?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He rested his head on my shoulder. “Great.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly. “That’s good.” I snuggled him close and rocked him slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Santa comes tonight!” He grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He sure does.” I grinned. “You excited?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh huh.” He nodded. “Do you think he’ll bring gifts?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm.” I considered. “Have you been good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His face fell. “I-I don’t know!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bounced him lightly. “You have Jax. You’ve been really good. I’m sure he’ll bring you lots of presents.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr Jo smiled slightly. “Well I actually have to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Of course. Do you have any Christmas plans?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “Sadly not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you spending it with your daughter?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Declan wanted her to spend Christmas with him. I think they’ve gone on a trip overseas somewhere.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. That sucks.” I told her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I’m sure I’ll find something to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if you can’t find anything, you’re welcome here for lunch.” Sarah invited.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave us a grateful smile. “Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The whole neighbourhood is coming at this point.” Nicole mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And that’s an issue why?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing...it’s just a lot to cook. The three Urie’s plus me and Jax, plus the Way family, plus Dr Jo, equals 9 people and I’m just a little unsure if there’s enough food to go around.”</span>
</p><p><span>“Well let’s sort it out now. We’ll see what else we can make, alright?” Sarah assured</span> <span>.</span></p><p>
  <span>“Can we go to the store?” Jaxon asked excitedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “We’ll have to go now though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I should be off. Bye everyone.” Dr Jo said, giving a wave before leaving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon started squirming in my arms. “What’s up bud?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I need to g-go…” He mumbled sheepishly, reaching his arms out to his sister.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole sighed and took him to the bathroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll just get my stuff and we’ll go.” Sarah said cheerfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard screaming from down the hall and Sarah and I looked at each other, before running down the hall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What on earth is going on?” Sarah asked, trying to stay calm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-He accidently started peeing on me and then I panicked and I-I dropped him!” Nicole panicked, lifting Jaxon’s unconscious head from the ground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah raced to him and picked him up. “Alright, let’s lay him down and watch him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole was trying to hold back tears. “This is the second time…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright.” I assured. “It’ll be okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m the worst s-sister ever!” She cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wrapped her into a hug. “You aren’t a bad sister. You’re taking care of him. You’re doing a great job. Don’t let slip ups bring you down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I make s-so many slip ups…” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No you don’t. You haven’t made that many.” I tried to soothe. “It’ll be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-Mommy?” Jaxon whimpered lightly as he woke up. He was crying quietly into Sarah’s shirt. “I-I’m sore.” He whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had a small coughing fit and was shaking in Sarah’s arms. “Are you alright Jaxon?” Sarah asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “I-I don’t think so.” He whispered, scared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah gently stroked his hair. “What hurts buddy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hesitantly pointed to the back of his head. “Th-there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “Okay. Can you still move everything alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wiggled his fingers. “M-My arms are f-fine.” He stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sound a little unsure bud. You need to be really honest with me, okay?” Sarah asked gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know. I-It’s a l-little bit h-hard to d-do it but I c-can!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “Can you still see everything okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s a little bit blurry b-but it’s f-fine.” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“His pupils are really dialated Bren.” Sarah murmured. “And he’s as pale as a ghost. We need to get him to the hospital.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded, but Jaxon shook his head. “I-I’m fine Mommy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah shook her head. “I’m sorry bud, but I don’t think you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-Why not?” He whispered. “I-It was just a l-little fall.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you hit your head and that’s not good.” Sarah explained. “We’ll just go in, and if you’re okay, we’ll come straight home and have some hot chocolate, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “O-okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed the keys and everyone got in the car. Nicole was completely silent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-My tummy f-feels funny…” Jaxon mumbled as he looked out the window.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think you’re going to be sick?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe…” He murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled over and Sarah helped him out of the car to a patch of grass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay Nicole?” I asked, trying to find something else to concentrate on rather than the scene on the grass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine.” She mumbled quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I have no reason not to be, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I just nodded and closed my eyes before leaning back into my seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah grabbed a towel from the car and cleaned Jaxon up before helping him back into the car. She sat back in her seat. “Alright, we’re all good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and continued the drive towards the hospital, while Jaxon groaned in the backseat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you good Jax? We’re almost there.” I asked, turning into the carpark.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just groaned again and rubbed his stomach, attempting to alleviate the pain slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I parked and Sarah helped him out to a garden where he threw up once again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god…” Nicole mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s take him in.” Sarah said, cleaning off his mouth with the towel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-Mom?” He whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong bud?” She responded lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-What if I h-have to s-stay here? S-Santa won’t f-find me h-here!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Santa’s watching all the time Jax. He knows exactly where you are. He’ll come, I promise.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon sniffled and rested his head on her shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We took him into emergency and were just told to sit and wait to be called. Jaxon was growing scared and was crying in Sarah’s arms and Nicole was staring at the wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to find the vending machine. Does anybody want something to drink?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you just get some water Bren?” Sarah asked, rubbing Jaxon’s back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Course. I’ll be back in a moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I found the vending machine, finally and got some water for Sarah. I was going to get something for myself but couldn’t decide so I just walked back out to everyone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jaxon Urie?” The doctor called. Sarah carried him to the room with me following. Nicole stayed in the waiting room, despite me telling her she could come with us.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what’s going to h-happen Daddy?” He asked nervously as he sat and waited for the doctor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not actually sure bud...don’t worry. It won’t be bad.” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Its cold.” He whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took my jacket off and draped it over his shoulders. “Is that better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded slightly. “Th-thank you Daddy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor came and started asking questions. “Alright, so what seems to be the problem?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jaxon had a bit of a big fall and hit his head, and he’s been really unwell. He’s had stomach pains and thrown up multiple times, he says it’s a bit hard to move his arms, well, more than usual, and his vision is a little blurry.” Sarah explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor nodded. “Alright, and it says here he has cerebral palsy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s correct.” I told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Can you wiggle my fingers for me Jaxon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He reached out and attempted to try and wiggle his fingers, only for them to just move at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. You can relax.” The doctor told Jaxon. “Is it okay if we possibly look into getting scans done to ensure there isn’t any cracks or fractures in his skull?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxon grabbed Sarah’s hand in terror.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” I nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You guys can just sit here until we’ve got everything ready. I’ll be back soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor left and Jaxon was crying in Sarah’s arms. She was trying desperately to soothe him but nothing was working. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I j-just want to be h-home Mommy!” He cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah bounced him lightly. “I know Jaxon, but we need to make sure you’re okay. We’ll be home as soon as we can.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He held his hands out to me. I picked him up and held him in my arms. He rested his head on my shoulder and continued crying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor returned. “We’re ready to begin.” He stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I carried Jaxon down the halls and we got to the room where the scanning would take place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Jaxon was propped up and getting ready, he clung desperately clung onto my shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be okay Jaxon, I promise.” I assured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-then why aren’t you doing it?” He asked. “How do you know?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve had to do stuff like this before. It’s completely fine. You’ll be okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor came in and told me to get out of the room. Jaxon was still holding onto me for dear life, but after promising I’d be back as soon as it was done, he hesitantly let go and did what the doctor told him too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he was done, I came in and picked him up and he was shaking. “Th-that was scary Daddy.” He whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I held him in a tight hug. “You did a very good job.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Do I h-have to do anym-more?” He stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure bud. We’ll have to see what the doctor says.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can we g-go home now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I’m afraid we can’t yet. We still have to find out what’s wrong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-But I f-feel all better!” He protested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then that means we’ll be able to go soon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sniffled and buried his face in my shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We sat back in the doctor’s office, Jaxon still in my arms and we waiting for the results. Jaxon was growing impatient and Sarah was getting nervous, so taking care of both of them was getting difficult.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I wanna see Nikki….” Jaxon mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to get her?” Sarah asked, getting up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded slightly. “Yes please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah walked out of the office, presumably to the waiting room and Jaxon was holding onto my shirt and crying. “Th-this place is scary.” He whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know bud. But it only looks scary. Everybody here is just trying to help you.” I assured him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what is the d-doctor comes b-back and Mommy isn’t h-here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mommy’s coming back as fast as she can with Nikki, okay? If the doctor comes back first, then we’ll ask him to wait until Mommy’s here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “O-Okay.” He sniffled. He snuggled into my lap and it honestly looked like he was about to fall asleep there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah walked back into the room, with Nicole in tow. She honestly looked like she’d been crying from the moment we’d left her in the waiting room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay Jax?” Nicole whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-Nikki!” He exclaimed, reaching his arms out to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole gave him and hug and held him tight. “It’ll be okay, I promise.” She sniffled. “You’re a super strong boy who can get through anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled slightly and rested his head on her shoulder. “T-Thanks Nikki.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor came back in and Nicole sat down with Jaxon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are things Doc?” Sarah asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not horrible.” He stated, pulling something up on the computer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good…” I murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Basically, it’s a linear fracture to the skull, so we just have to monitor him for little bit and he should be able to go home later. He just has to take it easy.” He explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “Of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, for records sake, how did the fall happen? It’s the only thing missing from the records.” The doctor asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole became incredibly nervous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Basically, we were helping him use the toilet, then there was a bit of unexpected movement and he fell down.” I explained briefly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor nodded. “I see. And I’m assuming you’re still carrying him everywhere?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “At this point, yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wrote something down. “Considering his size, it might be time to look into a getting him a wheelchair.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah bit her lip, but nodded. “Okay. We’ll look into it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor gave her a comforting smile. “If money is a problem, I believe you can apply to the government for a grant to help cover the costs, but anyway. Let’s go to the room, and if everything is still okay, Jaxon should be able to go home in a few hours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Alright.” We all got up and Nicole gave me Jaxon once again as she succumbed to silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor led us to the children’s ward and showed us to a room with 4 beds in it. The other 3 were in use, but the curtains were all pulled around, so it was sort of like 4 little sections. Sarah gently laid Jaxon down on the bed and we all took our seats on the chairs surrounding him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m tired Daddy.” Jaxon mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s okay Jax. You can go to sleep if you want.” I told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He snuggled into the blankets until he was warm and started nodding off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We never did make it to the store.” Sarah laughed slightly once he was asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled slightly. “Oh well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah turned to Nicole, who was just staring at the curtain silently. “Is everything okay Nic?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I guess so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You seemed really upset back at the doctor’s office.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just feel guilty.” She admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “I can imagine. But you can’t dwell on this Nicole, it was an accident.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But he’s hurt, and I hate seeing him here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The doctor said he can go home in a few hours. He won’t be here long.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “That’s good at least.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone will be home for Christmas.” I laughed slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled slightly. “Yeah. It’s going to be nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess I’m sort of excited. I’ve never had a Christmas before.” Nicole admitted with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well hopefully this’ll be a good first one.” Sarah smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I bet it will.” I agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now we just wait.” I leaned back in the chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you two hungry? I just realised we haven’t had dinner.” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole nodded. “A little bit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can go get something if you want Sarah.” I suggested. “You can stay here with Nicole and Jax.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She planted a kiss on my cheek. “That would be awesome Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there anything in particular you want?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s a take away place downstairs. It’s close, just get something there. That way you don’t have to be gone long.” She said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Alright. I’ll be back soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled. “See you soon Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Kaitlyn’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Kaitlyn!” Florence greeted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave her a wave before coughing slightly. “What’s up?” I asked, sitting down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sat down next to me. “I just wanted to see you. Because you were in therapy for almost an hour and a half and I was starting to get worried.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry about that. I got carried away in conversation.” I apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. I’ve just been working on my book.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled slightly “How’s it going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Writer’s block.” She sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sucks.” I responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She just shrugged. “I’ll get all of tomorrow to work on it though, so I should be okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m looking forward to reading it, hopefully.” I smiled slightly. “It’ll probably be a bestseller.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pffffffffft…” She mumbled. “I doubt that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure it will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t even know if I want to publish it.” She admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awwww. I’m sure it’s great nonetheless.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She just shrugged and brought the conversation to an abrupt end.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to do?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I don’t mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm…” I considered. “I don’t know what to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We could draw…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “That’s a good idea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just want to see you in action.” She chuckled slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What should I draw?” I asked, pulling everything out. I handed her a piece of paper out of my sketchbook.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “Whatever you want too Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m probably just going to draw Mom or Dad, nothing too interesting.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “I’m going to draw an octopus.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool.” I smiled, starting to do an outline.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a while, a boy came and sat down next to me, peering over at what we were doing. Florence froze up instantly, and stopped drawing as he hands were shaking terribly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took her free hand from under the table and squeezed it assuringly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is awesome!” The boy grinned as he looked over my drawing of Sarah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.”  I smiled. “Do you want to draw?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, sure.” He said, lifting a pencil from the table as I handed him some paper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo came over soon after noticed we’d amassed a small group of people at the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s happening over here?” She asked with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re drawing.” I answered happily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Looks like fun. How are you going Flo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged unsurely. “O-okay, I guess?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you mind if I join?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We all shook our heads and I gave her a piece of paper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once she’d sat down, the table was completely full, and I noticed Florence’s shaking became worse. In a completely unexpected moment, she gently placed her pencil down and moved her chair back, before practically sprinting out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I….I’ll be back.” I stated before going to find her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked down the hall and checked both of our rooms, to no avail. “Florence!” I called out loudly, but she didn’t respond.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I found Nathan wandering down the hall. “Do you know where Florence is?” I asked him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “No, I haven’t. Is something wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She ran away from the common room. I think she was a bit overwhelmed.” I explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll help you look for her.” Nathan said. “Where have you checked?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Our rooms, some of the nearby halls, the dining hall.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you checked the bathroom?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I probably should have…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You check there, I’ll go search the rest of the halls and the therapy offices.” He instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and headed towards the bathrooms. I looked through all the stalls and called for her but didn’t get any response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where is she?” I asked to myself as I walked out of the bathroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“K-Kaitlyn?” I heard a shaky voice ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I turned around in a flash. “Flo?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was curled up against the wall, shaking violently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I raced down to her side and gasped slightly when I saw the blood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“F-Flo, what h-have you d-done?!” I stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She bowed her head and just cried. Her shaking got worse as I came closer. “P-Please don’t c-come any c-closer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Florence. It’s okay. I’m going to help you.” I tried to assure as I gently approached her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tried to move away. “P-Please. Just t-talk. D-Don’t come n-near me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Flo, you’re hurt. I need to help you.” I tried to justify as I took another step.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-What are you going to d-do?” She asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just going to help.” I assured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“J-Just t-tell me what y-you’re going to d-do to m-me first.” She requested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’ll just have a look at your arms and I’ll wrap them in some toilet paper to stop the bleeding.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-will it h-hurt?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll try to make sure it doesn’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay…” She finally agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed some toilet paper and gently walked over, taking her arm in my own and cringing when I saw the wounds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was getting nervous. “I-I don’t know a-about this K-Kaitlyn…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay.” I soothed as I gently began wrapping it in the clean, white paper. “This will just stop the bleeding. This will help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Is there a-anyone I c-can talk to?” She asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “When I’m done here, I’ll go find someone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thank you.” She whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I finished up and sighed as the red seeped through. “Why did you do this Flo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked down. “I-I didn’t w-want to f-feel anymore e-emotional pain…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Florence, this is only adding to the pain.” I whispered. “It’s not going to help you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I know, i-it just m-makes me f-feel better when I-I’m doing i-it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh Flo…” I sighed as I got to my feet. “I’ll go find someone to talk to. Do you want to come or are do you want to stay here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’ll come. I-I don’t want to t-talk to Indigo though…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go find Nathan then. I think he’s looking for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry i-if I m-made you concerned…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Flo. Don’t be sorry.” I assured as I took her hand. “Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We wandered down the halls and ended up finding Nathan looking through the offices. “Nathan, I found her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You did?” He turned to face me. “Where were you Florence?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She froze up and I covered for her. “She was in the bathroom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at her arms. “What happened?” He asked,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Florence burst into tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright. Do you want to talk?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded tearfully. “Y-Yeah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to head to the common room Kaitlyn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I left my drawing supplies out there. Um...feel better Florence…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She curled up on the chair and nodded slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave a final awkward wave before walking back towards the common area.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you find her?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “She’s talking to Nathan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed in relief. “Thanks for that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged and sat back down. “Just being a friend, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Florence is really lucky to have you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I just did what any normal person would do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened anyway? Was she having a panic attack?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think so….I walked in and she’d, um, inflicted wounds on herself…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh….” Indigo mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t respond and finished off my drawing with everyone else at the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright guys, dinner time. To the dining hall.” Indigo instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I reluctantly put my things away and went to the dining hall, and without Florence, I simply sat by myself in the corner. I wasn’t hungry, far less than usual, and just stared at the plate until Indigo came over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up kiddo?” She asked, sitting down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not hungry.” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you still have to eat.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I ate all my lunch and breakfast….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just eat a little bit.” She instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t think I c-can.” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not even one bite?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head. “I don’t think so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed and took the plate away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Florence came to join me at the table toward the end of lunch and was nervously rubbing her arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I don’t know…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wrapped her in a hug and she whispered something I couldn’t hear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was that Flo?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just...uh….” She hesitated. “Th-thank you.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0073"><h2>73. Chapter 72- Christmas With The Urie’s</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>**** Sarah’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Santa came! He came! He really came!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chuckled slightly and ruffled Jaxon’s hair. “He certainly did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we open the presents?” He asked, staring at the tree in awe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon shook his head. “Nope. We have to wait until Kaitlyn gets here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not even one?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not yet.” Brendon said. “But soon. How about I go make you some waffles with ice cream?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pouted, but nodded. “Okay…” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll tell you what.” I said as I pulled out the Santa hats I had purchased a few days earlier. “How about I give you one of these to wear?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled. “Okay!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I put a hat on his head and smiled at him, before I grabbed my keys. “It’s quarter to seven, I should probably go and get Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come back soon though Mommy.” He instructed, hugging my leg.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will Jax.” I promised. “See you soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye!” He grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave a final wave before heading out to the car and getting onto the freeway to go and get my daughter.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>***** Kaitlyn’s Point of View *****</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo was sitting with me as we waited. A lot of other kids had already left so Indigo came to talk to me so I wasn’t so alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They w-wouldn’t have forgotten, right?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo shook her head. “Sarah told me she was coming, but I think she’s been stuck in traffic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tapped the stack of drawings on my lap. “Do you think they’ll like my portraits? I wanted to get them actual gifts but there isn’t really a shop here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure they’ll love them. They’re great!” Indigo assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to convince myself of that. “How’s Florence doing? She wasn’t at breakfast...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nathan found her in the bathrooms again this morning. She’s being supervised for the time being.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh…” I mumbled. “I wanted to wish her merry Christmas.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can go see her now if you really want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “She’s just in Nathan’s office. Do you want me to come with you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and found the drawing I had made for Florence, before getting up from my seat. Indigo walked me down the hall to the office, where she knocked on the door a few times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who is it?” Nathan called.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn and Indigo.” Indigo replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come in.” He directed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I opened the door and nervously walked in. Florence looked like she had been crying...a lot. She was curled up on the lounge, just looking at the wall blankly. She turned and smiled slightly when she saw me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-Merry Christmas Kaitlyn.” She said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down and wrapped her in a hug. “Merry Christmas Flo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going home to see your family today?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Yeah. Here, I, um, I made you something.” I handed her the paper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at it for a minute and giggled. “Is this me riding a dolphin?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah...What do you think?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hugged me. “I love it. Thank you so much!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “I’m glad. I wasn’t too sure about what’d you think.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s awesome.” She chuckled. “I’m going to frame this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled. “I don’t know if it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at it. “I think it’s that good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” I responded. “How have you been Flo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked down at her lap. “N-Not that g-great…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you tell me why?” I asked gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“J-Just...I m-miss my family.” She whispered. “I-I’m feeling a l-little forgotten by t-them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wrapped her in a hug. “I wish you didn’t have to be alone. I’d take you with me if I could.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled slightly. “T-Thanks Kaitlyn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine.” I took her hand and rubbed circles into the back of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your Mom should be here Kaitlyn. We should probably head out.” Indigo stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I introduce Florence to Sarah?” I asked Indigo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Florence looked nervously as I said that. Indigo considered. “If you want to, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to meet her Flo?” I asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I g-guess…” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She put the drawing on the couch. “I-I want to. Let’s g-go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We walked back out and Sarah was standing there. I wrapped her in a hug and cried into her shirt, feeling nothing but pure happiness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey bub.” Sarah whispered, hugging me back tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I missed you so much Mom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We missed you too. Are you ready to come home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just first,” I stated, pulling away. I urged Florence closer. “This is my friend Florence, or Flo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled and extended a hand. “I’m Sarah, Kaitlyn’s Mom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Florence looked like she was going to pass out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright Flo.” I took her hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-Hi…” She stammered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah noticed how she was acting. “Sorry if I’m making you feel nervous.” She apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s o-okay. I-It’s not y-you.” Florence mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you parents coming?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “T-They’re in F-France.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully you have a good day nonetheless.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled slightly. “T-Thanks… You too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As we went to leave, the door opened and a couple came in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hello. I think the rest of the kids are waiting down the hall.” Indigo greeted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Florence ran over to them. “Y-You’re here!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We just missed you too much baby. You have no idea how much it killed us to leave you.” The woman said, bending down to Florence’s height.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-did you get to see everyone w-while you were away?” Flo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man nodded. “Your Grandmama is a bit sick my little Flo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-How sick? I-Is she okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman nodded. “She’s okay. When you get out of here, we’re all going to fly over together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indigo was still confused, but walked over to them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man stood up and shook her hand. “Thank you for taking care of our Flo while we were gone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Indigo, this is m-my Mom and Dad.” Florence introduced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Are you going to take her home?” Indigo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are we allowed to?” The woman asked while Florence was wrapped in her arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She can go home for today, then we could, if you have time, talk about the possibility of release sooner than expected.” Indigo explained. “At 5 you can bring her back and we’re hosting a Christmas dinner here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man shook Indigo’s hand.”</span>
  <em>
    <span>Je vous remercie</span>
  </em>
  <span>, thank you so much!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose I’ll be seeing you then.” Indigo stated. “Have a good day.” She smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Florence gave me a last hug. “I’ll see you tonight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you then.” I smiled. “Stay safe.” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Florence walked out with her Mom and Dad, leaving me, Indigo and Sarah in the lobby.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” Sarah remarked. “I have no idea what just happened but it was exceptionally cute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To be honest, I don’t either…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, um, I think that originally Flo’s parents couldn’t come today because they were trying to take care of her sick grandma in France but then they missed her too much so they flew home for Christmas.” Indigo explained. “But I could be wrong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “At least she gets to go home.” I smiled slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should probably go home too bub.” Sarah said. “I think Jaxon is going to explode if we don’t do presents soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, right. Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed my folder of drawings and said a final goodbye to Indigo, before Sarah took my hand and we walked out to the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s it been at home?” I asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah shrugged. “Alright, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked out the window at all the passing houses. “This feels so weird after being in there for so long…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I imagine. Are you excited to see everyone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “Yep!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon misses you a tonne.” She stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s been forever since I’ve seen him.” I said. “I’ve missed him so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled. “He hasn’t been too bad either. He had a bit of a slip up but he’s doing a lot better.” She stated. “How have you been going bub?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was bad for a while, but I’ve gotten a lot better.” I told her. “Did Indigo give you my medication?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “She did. How often do you take them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Every four hours.” I stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm…” Her face twisted up a bit. “Interesting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-What’s wrong Mom?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, don’t worry. Indigo just said every 8 so I was a little bit confused,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-Maybe we could take them at s-six and meet in the middle?” I suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll just call Indigo. She seemed pretty certain saying eight.” She responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay.” I nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled into the driveway. “Let’s get you settled in. Gerard, Lindsey and Bandit will be here soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool.” I nodded. “Are the puppies here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep.” Sarah grinned. “It’s very cute. They get all excited when they hear your name.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled slightly. “I’m going to find them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. We’ll be in the lounge.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gave her a hug and got out of the car. Sarah led me to the front door and opened it, and the puppies ran straight at me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ended up sitting down in the entrance and let the puppies lick my face. Brendon then found me and sat down beside me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey little worm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon!” I exclaimed, tackling him in a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckled. “It’s good to see you again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I snuggled into him. “I’ve missed you so much!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve missed you too little worm. Home hasn’t been the same without you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I just snuggled into him and enjoyed it. The way he felt, the way he smelled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you Kaitlyn.” He said, holding me close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too.” I murmured happily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want to open some presents?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled. “Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With no warning whatsoever, Brendon picked me up, draped me over his shoulder and ran into the lounge room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brendon! Put me down!” I laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm….” He considered. “Nah, I’m good.” He lifted me onto his shoulders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!” I whined. “Pleease!?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope. I’m taking you away.” He giggled. “I have something to give you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are you taking me?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Away to a magical place.” He stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sighed and slumped on his shoulder. “Let’s go then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took me to the other side of the house. “Sarah doesn’t actually know about this.” He whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” I asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He went into my room and sat me on the bed. “See this bookshelf? I put nothing on it for a reason. It’d be really heavy if I did.” He pushed the bookshelf away and revealed a doorframe. “It’s a little secret room. Come in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woah.” I breathed as I stepped inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what art stuff you liked so I got a bit of everything.” He pulled the blanket away from the huge lump in the corner. He’d set up a desk with loads of different items of stationery and colouring materials and a digital art set up. “Gerard helped.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“THANK YOU!” I squealed, jumping into his arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I figured since I have my area for my music, you could have your own area for your art.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-It’s amazing!” I stammered, looking over the desk. “This is the most amazing thing anybody has ever done for me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad you like it. Just for the record, you don’t have too many other gifts. I went more for a few really cool things rather than a few sort of eh things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A wave of guilt rushed over me. “I-I wish I’d g-gotten you s-something…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just being able to see you again is enough for me little worm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wrapped him in a hug. “You’re the best Dad I could ever have wished for.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aww. Thanks little worm. You’re the best daughter I could have. And don’t you dare try to convince me otherwise because it isn’t going to work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I blushed. “Thank you Brendon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now let’s go because I’m really excited for you to open everything else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took his hand. “I want to get you back and put you over my shoulder but I’m afraid I’m too small for that so I guess I’ll just hold your hand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can get back on my back if you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I started dragging him out of the room. “This is more fun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckled. “If you say so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We went to the lounge room where the puppies continued to attack me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we open presents yet?” Jaxon whined.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure bud. Everyone is here now.” Brendon smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-which ones are m-mine?” He asked, stumbling over to the tree.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon sat him back down on the couch. “This one is for Nicole.” He handed her a wrapped box.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.”  She smiled, taking the gift.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We all watched as she unwrapped the new pair of running shoes. Her face lit up with delight as she lifted them from the box. “Thank you so much!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled. “Who’s next?”  She asked Brendon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This one is for my beautiful wife.” He smiled, handing Sarah a small box.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah blushed slightly and opened up the box. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s beautiful Bren. Thank you!” She smiled as she slipped the ring onto her finger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now we have one for Kaitlyn.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled thankfully as I took the gift from him and tore the paper off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You got me a ukelele!” I grinned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look closer little worm.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I picked it up and saw signatures. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. My. God.” I stammered. “I-Is this who I t-think it is?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Depends who you think it is.”  Brendon smirked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Twenty one pilots?” I whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Sure is.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you!” I squealed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, Jaxon now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grinned and sat up slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon gave him the gift and he ripped it open to reveal a huge teddy bear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love it!” He giggled, hugging it tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah got up. “ Come on, your turn now Bren.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled and moved around to where she was sitting before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She handed him a present. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tore off the paper and grinned. “Thanks Sarah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is it?”  She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lifted up the shirt and smiled. “It’s great.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, another one for Nicole.” Sarah stated, handing Nicole another present.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled slightly and tore the paper off to reveal a group of cookbooks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is awesome! Thanks guys!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And he’s another for Brendon.” Sarah smiled as she handed him another gift.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gave Sarah a kiss as he took the gift. He opened up the gift and his eyes widened. He leapt up and wrapped Sarah in a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His phone then started ringing. “Sorry, gotta take this. It’s work.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. Brendon stepped away but I could still hear his half of the conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The single?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s great! I’m going now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned the radio on and his eyes lit up. “SARAH!” He called.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She entered the room. “What’s up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t muster any words through his excitement so he pointed at the radio as he bounced up and down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah caught on and smiled. “Awesome Bren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And it only came out this morning!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. Congratulations.” She smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took a deep breath in. “Alright. Let’s get back out there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“More presents!” Jaxon grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We went through the rest of the gifts and as I was picking up the rubbish, the Ways turned up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gee!” I smiled as he walked through the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Kaitlyn!” He wrapped me in a hug. “It’s good to see you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Same here.” I grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that Gerard?” Brendon called.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep!” I called back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ran out. “The single was on the radio Gerard!”  Brendon enthused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled. “That’s awesome!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “We’ve got some gifts for you guys.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t have to Brendon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “Do you want to give Bee her present Kaitlyn?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded and took the box from his hands. I found Bandit talking to Jaxon in the bedroom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bandit?” I called.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She ran over to me. “Hello Kaitlyn!” She wrapped me in a hug. I giggled and ruffled her hair a bit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uncle Bren and Aunty Sarah got you a present Bee.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes lit up. “More presents!?” She took the box from my hands and ripped the paper off. “I’m going to show Mommy and Daddy!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled and went out to the kitchen where Sarah and Nicole were cooking. “Do you guys want any help?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah nodded. “Do you want to start making a salad for me bub?” She asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I smiled and pulled everything I’d need out of the fridge. Once I’d made the salad, I made a snacks platter and brought it out to the table to eat while everything was getting ready.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked around the house and at everyone, and I don’t know what set me off but everything came back. The voices, the anxiety, the drug cravings, everything, and I was too scared to ask for help. I sat down on the couch alone and tried to work through these feelings but they only got worse as time went on. I didn’t want to ruin this Christmas with a breakdown, I couldn’t possibly bring attention to it but I knew it’d only get worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything okay? You look a little stressed.” Nicole plopped down next to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine.” I breathed, hoping I sounded convincing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole shrugged. “Okay. Do you mind if I put the TV on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do whatever you want. I’m going to my room.” I stammered, getting up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicole grabbed my hand. “Are you sure you’re okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I’ll be fine.”  I assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Well, I’m out here if you want to talk.” She said firmly as she slowly let go of me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, thanks.”  I forced a weak smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave me one last smile before I quickly walked towards my room and shut the door behind me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In and out. You’ll be fine. This is nothing. Just breathe.” I whispered to myself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The silence of my room didn’t help and I started knocking on the wood of the desk to try and mask the silence as best as I could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you in there little worm?” I heard Brendon call.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yeah….why?” I asked shakily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He opened the door. “Lunch is ready. Hey, what’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“E-everything.” I whispered lightly, curling up on my bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon sat down and wrapped me in a big bear hug. “Is being back here all of a sudden a little much?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“E-everything sort of h-hit me at once and I-I can’t h-handle it.” I whimpered. “Even the stupid cravings.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon bit his lip. “Um...it’s been four hours since you’ve had your medication, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably. Y-You’re going to drug m-me up now, a-aren’t you?” I asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brendon groaned and laid back on the bed. “You really know how to get me little worm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry…” I mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be.” He sighed. “Look, I’m going through a similar thing to you, and I know how much I hate my medication, and I’m imagining it’s the same way you feel. But then again, when you take it, you’re just….happier. I don’t know. I’m not going to force you to do anything. I think it’s in Sarah’s purse if you want it, but by no means am I forcing you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you D-Dad.” I snuggled up to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay.” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Do you know how to m-make colds go away?” I asked. “I-I’ve felt a b-bit icky the p-past few days…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The only thing I can think of is more pills…” He mumbled. “Look, let’s just go to lunch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I took a deep breath in. “Okay…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just nodded and walked out of the room. “Coming?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got up and followed him out and we sat down at the table. Everyone else was already seated and Nicole had brought out what seemed to be the largest feast I think I had ever seen with my own eyes. And for some reason, Joanne was here. I didn’t know why, but she must’ve arrived while I was hiding in my room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone was digging in and plates and bowls were being passed around the table. I shrunk into the chair and honestly felt sick even thinking about eating. I ate a little bit of a lettuce leaf before putting it down and returning to my silent recluse of my area of the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt a hand touch my shoulder and I jumped slightly, before sighing in relief when I saw it was just Sarah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here bub.” She whispered, putting the pills in my hand under the table. She then walked off as if nothing had happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I fiddled with the pills in my hand, not actually intending to take them. I just hoped she wouldn’t notice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah was glancing over at me every few seconds, and after a minute she started to get a concerned look on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t want to make her angry or disappointed but I just wanted to enjoy family time without having to worry about the chaos inside my head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bounced the pills around in my hand, their presence ever taunting me. Then all of a sudden, I heard something.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You don’t need to take them Kaitlyn. Those pills are for crazy people. You’re not crazy.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>My eyes widened and I quickly shoved them in my mouth and forced myself to swallow.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You idiot! You’re worthless! You can’t do anything right!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I….I’ll be back.” I stammered before getting up and racing to the bathroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I pulled the door closed and curled up on the floor as I tried to regulate my breathing. The voices were screaming abuse at me, and I didn’t know what to do other than cry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked around and found a razor. I contemplated the prospect, but I couldn’t decide whether or not to do it. The urge was there but I was fighting so hard to stop myself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bub, are you in there?” Sarah asked from outside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yeah….C-Can you come i-in?” I asked, scared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She opened the door and immediately rushed to my side. “Kaitlyn!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I need help. I-I don’t know h-how or what’s w-wrong though.” I whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She ran a hand through my hair. “Did you take the medication?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “I-I took it b-because the v-voices were b-being really mean.” I whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah just hugged me tight. “We can sit here until it kicks in, okay? I called Indigo, she said 4 hours. You’ve been without it for 5.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay.” I whimpered, still scared. “I-I’m sorry for r-ruining Christmas S-Sarah…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, no, you didn’t ruin anything.” She soothed. “You’ve made it so much better. The best Christmas gift I got this year was having you here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-My first Christmas w-with you and I h-have a breakdown!” I cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh…” She whispered. “Kaitlyn, it’s not your fault. I don’t blame you. It’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I curled up into her lap. “I-I just want to stay here. I-I don’t w-want to go b-back to the f-facility.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She just stroked my hair. “Well, we’ll just have to see. Don’t you want to go and see your little friend again? What was her name? Florence?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded. “B-But nothing is b-better than home.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you feeling better?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A l-little bit…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ready to come back out to the table?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-You’re going to m-make me g-go anyway…” I mumbled</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not if you’re not ready.” She assured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-Do you think I-I’m ready?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaitlyn, the only person who can decide that, is you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked down. “I-I just d-don’t know Sarah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at my face for a moment. “I think you’re okay now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay…” I murmured, still incredibly nervous about the thought of facing everyone again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took my hand. “It’ll be okay Kaitlyn. I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got up with a little bit of her help and we walked out to the table. I kept my head bowed down as I sat back in my seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah walked over to her place but didn’t sit. She banged some spoons together to get everyone’s attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She seemed so confident to speak in front of this group of people as she flashed them all a grin and took a sip of her soda. “I have an announcement to make, and I figured the best place to do it would be in front of all my most loved friends and family.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone was confused, but listening. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled once again and placed a hand on her stomach. “Well, this is a big thing. I should probably just come out and say it…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took a final deep breath before addressing the table again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m pregnant.”</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
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